photo credit: Kath [is not here right now] via photopin cc

Racial identity is a tough subject and I’ve deliberately separated myself from anything “Pinoy” or “Filipino” because of it. I grew up “white”. I simply do not relate to being “Filipino” because I don’t think of myself in colors. I am probably as Anti-American as they come, dissenting to the current injustices that pass as justice (although dissent is the highest form of patriotism, as Thomas Jefferson once said). I still think of myself as American.

I relate more to being a third culture kid than I do to being Filipino. And as much as the global citizen in me would like to believe in oneness, inherent to us all, as humans, there are still many rifts and divides.

I’ve felt a separateness as divided as the 1,700+ islands that make up the Philippines.

I’m used to it, though. I’ve come to accept that I’ll never truly be accepted amongst ‘my people’. That there will always be the Filipino crab mentality to bring you down. That there will always be pettiness and grievances and family feuds.

I’m not racist just because I don’t relate to being Filipino. I am the exact opposite. How could I be racist if I don’t relate to color? To my Filipino-ness? I’m not Anti-Filipino. I don’t deny my ethnicity or who I am. But I don’t make a point to pinpoint who I am by my nationality, either.

I get upset by such socially moronic TV shows like Nita Negrita, a Filipino TV drama that is all about a black girl– painted in black to make the Asian actresses’ skin appear African, but looking more like a botched grease job–who can’t accept who she is and wants to be white while all her peers tease her. What socially unconscious racist garbage!

I’m upset by all the skin whitening products too. Asians want to be white and caucasians want to be dark. No one can accept themselves.

I’m not perfect. But I love my country. I like it even more than America, these days, despite the poverty. It’s a beautiful country, rich with many natural treasures. I wish more foreigners would visit because it IS more fun in the Philippines.

Whenever I meet other Americans and foreigners, they always tell me how Filipinos are the nicest group of people they’ve met. What does that mean? Do I want to be “nice”? The most generic word, and one where we are taught a negative connotation, where “nice guys finish last”. What does it even mean?

I love Filipino resiliency and people. I love this part of me and am glad to have this culture in my background, as part of who I am.

Stereotyping the Filipina as housemaids and mail order brides is not uncommon. We are taught to be subservient. We are viewed as the trophy; the hot Asian beside the balding white guy in his midlife.

Lets dig deeper into the Elephant in the room.

As an American expat who blends in in SE Asia, I am subjected to local treatment. While someone of Caucasian color can command an expat salary that rivals his western country, I get peanuts like the rest of the Filipinos (it’s one of my secrets to why Entrepreneurism is the only option for me; I make more money on my own terms than any Filipino company would be willing to pay me).

In my desperate times, I accepted a $400/month full-time job (“full-time” 50 hour weeks) and quickly found out it wasn’t for me. I quit less than two months in.

I’ve had to learn many lessons about valuing myself. And I have to learn it over and over until it sticks. I’m still learning…

While someone of Caucasian color can walk into the bank and get special treatment and a checking account (because white=money, obviously, and Filipino=poor?), I have to wait 6 months of maintaining an “ATM cash card” like the rest of the Filipinos.

White privilege does exist, especially outside of the US.

I’ve come to realize I’m not an expat here. I’m a local.

But when I speak in my “slang” American accent, I lose my cover. I’m a foreigner.

I’ve gotten a lot more sensitive about the dynamics of Filipina women and Caucasian men. I’ve always been aware of “Asianphiles”, and up until now, I had only dated white men but now I’m hyper attuned to the subservient expectations.

Doing Business as a Minority

I have never felt the reality of my Asian female minority status more strongly than when I became part of the majority in the Philippines.

When potential clients want to do business with me, some of them want to do outsourcing. All of the outsourcing types are men and the subservient/dominant relationship is back in place. It’s why I feel safer with women clients and feminine energy. I quote something for the US/international market and men want something 1/3 of the price or less (generally, I’ve encountered less problems with women devaluing my work).

In my desperate times, I’ve done it. I’ve accepted less than I’m worth over and over and price my work for less over and over and feel worst for it; definitely worse off. My American student loans are still the bane of my existence after all (I hate Sallie-Mae) and I’m going to have to think of a better strategy than oblige to these Colonialistic men.

And this is my real-world lesson of the importance of finding your ideal client and rejecting the rest. It can really make you feel like shit balls, especially when wrapped around racial identity and woman empowerment (or lack thereof). I’ve been called racist just for knowing that my ideal client isn’t other Filipinos either, who would also command the local price for 1/3 less. Is knowing what you want and need racist? Please.

I’ve heard it all before. They say they’re a “start-up” which is veiled language for “I’m on a low budget”. They can’t pay a lot even with their Western salary and presidential suite condo; toting Asian girlfriend that looks half their age in arm like a longterm prostitute, milking him for the latest trends in fashion and technology. Money can buy you love.

I’ll never be the perfect Filipina. I don’t want to be “nice”. And just because I live in the Philippines and happen to be born Filipino doesn’t mean you can outsource me (a Caucasian expat would never have this problem).

I’ll speak my mind (in writing, if not in speech). I say no to opportunistic potential clients more often now, because I can and because I’m not desperate. I won’t play that subservient game. In relationship or in business.

In the Philippines, the word for love has double meaning.

Mahal, or love, is also used to mean “expensive price”.

When you have healthy self-worth and self-love, you’ll know how to price yourself.

Price what you’re worth. Know your worth. Because you are valuable.

Don’t settle for less.

graphic/web designer for indies in the holistic and creative arts. She is passionate about working with creative world changers and showing people how to march to their own beats. You can email her at janet@byjanet.net to introduce yourself or work with her. If you enjoyed this, sign up for more updates. Twitter • Facebook • Google Plus

More Posts

]]> http://byjanet.net/purple/why-i-am-not-a-perfect-filipina/feed/ 13 http://byjanet.net/purple/screw-blogging-for-biz-blog-for-pleasure/ http://byjanet.net/purple/screw-blogging-for-biz-blog-for-pleasure/#comments Wed, 03 Apr 2013 02:05:39 +0000 Janet Brent http://byjanet.net/purple/?p=1978 Continue Reading]]>

Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com via photopin cc

I recently made a blogging content strategy for the rest of the year for Prosperity’s Kitchen, a marketing online game show I’m a contestant in. I planned out my monthly themes, committed myself to writing 1x a week, and even wrote out the blog titles and topics for this month.

But let me tell you a little secret.

I love blogging but hate “blogging for business”. It feels too stale.

I’m a graphic/web designer. I “know” I should be blogging about design and branding and web to become an ‘authority’ and show my expertise. Why should I have to prove anything? To optimize for search engines. To get more clients. To share my gifts.

You want to know another secret?

I hate writing about design. I want to write about other things. To show my multi-faceted multi-passionate side. I want to write about personal development and lifestyle and culture and the path to being self-employed, maybe. But not about design.

Not here.

Maybe elsewhere, when it fits. But not now.

I’m resistent to turning Purple Panda into a blogging for biz machine. It feels like cranking old gears trying to churn in dollar bills. It feels like ‘selling out’ when an indie band you like signed to a big label.

Truth be told, when it comes to marketing strategies, I pick and choose the things I like and take out the rest. It’s a bento box with chopsticks.

Don’t get me wrong. All of the assignments have been helpful. They help me become more intentional with my business and I have already seen a transformation. But some assignments I implement more than others. And some are just an attempt to get weekly credits. It’s kind of like being back in highschool or college, when you got good at learning how to get good grades because you learned what teachers looked for to score an A.

And so, when I say I’m going to blog four times a month, I’d rather join the Ultimate Blog Challenge and try to blog daily (I already skipped April fools so I start with an imperfect record) for one month. And when I say I’m going to blog ‘daily’, it won’t have to be about business and design and branding, although it might be, just to confuse the search engines.

I’ve been blogging for over a decade. I’ve watched blogging grow from infant to adult, literally. When blogging used to be sweet and innocent and you wrote about your day and how you were feeling, and then it turned into this serious adult business-y thing with internet marketing and sales funnels and lead generation. Or this mommy thing with giveaways and product promotions and social media contests.

The atmosphere has changed.

I’d like to see blogging in its old age. What will it be like?

I miss the sweet innocence. I welcome the return of innocence with the growth and wisdom of old age.

So blog for pleasure. Blog what you desire.

What moves you? What makes you feel alive?

Awesome your life. Live worth writing about.

And write about it.

The best content strategy is a life strategy. How are you living with intention, attention and grace?

graphic/web designer for indies in the holistic and creative arts. She is passionate about working with creative world changers and showing people how to march to their own beats. You can email her at janet@byjanet.net to introduce yourself or work with her. If you enjoyed this, sign up for more updates. Twitter • Facebook • Google Plus

More Posts

]]> http://byjanet.net/purple/screw-blogging-for-biz-blog-for-pleasure/feed/ 9