Some believe Jesus died with the intention of saving every human being. They say, “Christ’s death has unlocked the bars of our cells, but that it takes our faith to open the doors…or…that Jesus has placed the infinite value of His blood into the bank for everyone; by faith, we must go and open our account” (ref. below). His death provided the payment for all of their sin, and it is up to the individual to choose to accept Christ’s payment on his behalf. So, the success of the transaction is determined by the choice of the individual. This is quite a choice to make!

This choice involves repentance, right? Before a person will ever call on Christ to save Him, he will have to see his need to do so. First, he must see that he is a sinner. He owes a debt to God because of His sin. He must see his moral bankruptcy. He must, in his heart, turn from his sin. Second, he must see that he cannot pay his sin debt. He cannot pull himself out of bankruptcy. He is at the mercy of Another. His righteous deeds are as filthy rags. He must turn from trust in himself. So, the choice to accept Christ’s payment requires one to turn from his sin in general and from any self-righteousness and self-trust. Indeed, the choice to accept Christ’s payment for one’s sin is quite a choice to make.

It is quite a choice to make for an additional reason: It requires genuine, saving faith. This is the flip-side of the conversion coin. Repentance is on one side and faith is on the other. When a person chooses to accept Christ’s payment of sin, he puts his faith in Christ. He trusts Christ to rescue him from his dilemma. He leans on Christ and puts his hope in Him.

For these two reasons, it is quite a choice to make. Now, how is a person able to make such a choice? Do we have what it takes to repent and have faith in Christ which would then complete the saving transaction? Doesn’t the Bible say that we are totally unable to repent and exercise faith in Christ on our own? Certainly the Bible does teach our absolute inability.

Romans 8:6-8
(6) For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace,
(7) because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so,
(8) and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

How’s that for proof? Surely thinking we can muster up repentance and faith is, well, unthinkable!! If Christ’s death provided the payment for every person’s sin, and it’s then up to the individual to choose to accept Christ’s payment on his behalf, we can be sure of one thing: no one would ever be saved. No one will approach God’s customer redemption desk. They would have to overcome their unbelief on their own!

This perspective limits Christ’s atonement too much. It leaves sinners to overcome their own unbelief! Look at what John Owen said…

“That unbelief, is it a sin, or is it not? If it be not, how can it be a cause for damnation? If it be, Christ died for it, or He did not. If He did not, then He died not for all the sins of all men. If He did, why is this an obstacle to their salvation? (The Death of Death in the Death of Christ, p. 137)

The Bible teaches that Christ’s death freed individuals from every sin. Yes, including the sin of unbelief. We can’t overcome this sin on our own.

1 Peter 1:18-21
(18) …you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers,
(19) but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.
(20) For He was foreknown before the foundation of the world, but has appeared in these last times for the sake of you
(21) who through Him are believers in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.

Let’s simplify Peter’s statement by removing some of the explanatory phrases.

You were not redeemed with perishable things…but with precious blood…of Christ…He…has appeared in these last times for the sake of you…so that your faith and hope are in God.

Christ had particular people in mind, when He appeared on the earth. He came “for the sake of you.” It was the greatest rescue mission in the history of the world. He came to provide complete redemption at an infinite cost. He fully redeemed everyone He came to redeem.

Every obstacle that stands between me and God - including my unbelief - has been removed by Jesus! Amazing thought. It’s a busy day, I know. Stop for a moment and thank the One who rescued your from sin and hell and brought you to a place of safety.

Note: The quotation in the first paragraph was taken from What’s So Great about the Doctrines of Grace? by Richard D. Phillips. In the above quotation, Phillips is describing the view he does not hold.

First, we need to recognize the indispensability of love (1 Cor. 13:1-3). We may do “good things,” but without love we are nothing and we profit nothing. At best, we are a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal. Yikes!

Second, we need to live out the characteristics of love (1 Cor. 13:4-7). The Apostle Paul lists 15 characteristics of genuine love. We looked at the first seven in my last post: Love is patient; it’s kind; it’s not jealous; it doesn’t brag; it’s not arrogant; it doesn’t act unbecomingly; and it’s not self-seeking.

We’ll pick up with the eighth characteristic of love.

8. Love is not provoked (v.5). The ESV says love in not “irritable.” A loving person is not touchy. He does not have a blistering temper hidden just underneath a façade or respectability and self-control. A loving person is not easily offended.

An angry man is a man in love with himself. It is a man who is loyal to himself through thick and thin. A loving man is not so loyal to himself. He can be wronged or shorted without blowing up or being offended.

He is loyal to Christ above all and he cares for others before himself.

If you continually get angry and irritated with someone, realize that telling them of your love for them just isn’t convincing.

9. Love does not keep a record of wrongs (v. 5). Love isn’t resentful. If a wrong has been done, a loving person doesn’t keep a record of it. Chrysostom said, “A wrong done against love is like a spark that falls into the sea and is quenched.”

10. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness (v. 6). Sometimes comments are so easy to make. “Can you believe what Joe said to his boss?” Gossip is often enjoyable because it is easy to rejoice in unrighteousness.

• A person rejoices in unrighteousness when he hopes someone will make a mistake and fall into sin.
• A person rejoices in unrighteousness when he gossips about someone’s sin. He is getting pleasure from another’s wrongdoing.

To love a person is to hate his sin. If you make provision for someone’s sin, excuse someone’s sin, invite someone’s sin, or laugh at someone’s sin, that is not love. That is rejoicing in something that God hates!

11. Love rejoices with the truth (v.6). When there is a report of something good and right and truthful going on, love is eager to rejoice in it. Love is not indifferent when it comes to the truth. Conversely, love cannot tolerate wrong doctrine.

Love rejoices when others are living according to the truth. An unloving person is indifferent when he hears of others are walking in the truth. Sometimes it seems genuine love is so uncommon.

A Scottish minister was know for his love and encouragement of the people in his church. When he died someone said, “There is no one left to appreciate the triumphs of the ordinary folk.”

12. Love covers all things (v.7). The NKJV says love “bears all things” and the New International Version (NIV) says love “always protects.” Love is like a blanket that covers the faults of others. Whenever it is possible, that is, without compromising the truth or obstructing justice, love covers everything.

When people make silly mistakes, love covers them. Love is like a blanket thrown over others’ mistakes. Love is not quick to point out others faults. Love does not bring up others past faults so that others can laugh. Love covers things in order to protect people from exposure, ridicule, or harm.

When people sin, love tries to keep the matter as quiet and contained as possible. A loving person throws a blanket over other’s sin by helping them squelch sinful activity.

A loving person refuses to gossip or slander and refuses to listen to gossip or slander. Why is it that we sometimes like hearing about others people’s faults? Why do we like to talk about it so much?

13. Love believes all things (v.7). A loving person is not gullible, but he is generous with others. He is open and honest with others because he is quick to trust them. Also, he is quick to accept others because he is quick to trust them. He is not the suspicious type. He is not the cynical type. He gives others the benefit of the doubt unless there is solid evidence to the contrary.

14. Love hopes all things (v. 7). Whenever you want others to change, you need hope. Whenever you want a situation to change with another person you need hope.

When others are trying to change, it’s unloving to say with a cynical attitude, “Yeah right! I’m sure you’ll really gonna change!” Don’t discourage others like that. That’s not loving. Love hopes all things. Love says, “I’m sure you will be able to grow in this area. We have the Scriptures. We have Christ. We have the Holy Spirit. We have the church. We have each other. We have everything we need!”

When a fellow member of the church family is blind to a particular pattern of sin, you may be tempted to avoid any opportunities to discuss it with him thinking it won’t be of any use. Such an attitude is not loving. Love hopes all things.

15. Love endures all things (v.7). Love perseveres. The Greek word “endure” is a military term that describes an army’s perseverance in holding a vital position at all costs.

Love holds fast to those it loves. It accepts pain and difficulty to care for another.

To pursue love as a way of life, you need to recognize the indispensability of love and live out the characteristics of love. There is another aspect of pursuing love as a way life.

Third, appreciate the permanence of love (vv.8-13).

1 Corinthians 13:8-13
(8) Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
(9) For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
(10) but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
(11) When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
(12) For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
(13) But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Love never fails. It never terminates. It is permanent. This is the main point of verses 8-13. Love’s permanence sets it apart from spiritual gifts (which are temporary) and certain moral qualities (which are temporary).

Love never terminates, unlike the gifts of prophecy, tongues, and knowledge. According to verse 8, prophecy will be done away, tongues will cease, and knowledge will be done away. Paul explains this point further in verses 9-12.

In those four verses (vv.9-12), Paul explains when those spiritual gifts will stop. We’ll devote at least a couple blog posts to these four verses. For now, focus on the main point: Love is permanent. Prophecy, tongues, and the spiritual gift of knowledge are not.

Verse 13 indicates that love is greater than certain moral qualities, specifically faith and hope, because it cannot be said of faith and hope that they never fail. They are not permanent. They are not eternal.

There will be love in heaven, but there will be no hope in heaven and no faith in heaven. Perhaps that is a bit unsettling for you to hear me say that no one in heaven has hope. Well, it’s true.

Romans 8:24-25
(24) For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?
(25) But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8
(6) Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord-
(7) for we walk by faith, not by sight-
(8) we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.

One day, faith will be replaced by sight. Right now we trust God to fulfill His promises, but in eternity, those promises will all be fulfilled.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Love lasts longer than these things, so what? Why does Paul feel like he needs to clarify this point?”

Love is often easily forgotten. It isn’t pursued like it ought to be. It isn’t valued like it out to be. Paul is helping us to see its beauty and value.

• Love is always appropriate.
• Love will always be in style.
• Love is eternal.

Jonathan Edwards said, “What makes the church like heaven? It is love.”

Christian love the greatest evidence that heaven has invaded our lives and our church. When love is our way of life, it is the greatest evidence that we are citizens of the eternal kingdom - the heavenly kingdom. We must see the permanence of love - its eternal nature- and appreciate love.

Conclusion

Paul exhorts us to appreciate and seek after the greater spiritual gifts, but he wants to make sure we pursue love as a way of life with even greater zeal and as a higher priority.

It honors God when you and I appreciate His gifts, but we must see the superiority of love and pursue love first. What does it mean to pursue love as a way of life? First, recognize the indispensability of love, second, live out the characteristics of genuine love, and third, appreciate the permanence of love. You will be blessed as you live out a lifestyle of love.

What kind of lifestyle do you have? What is your “way of life?” It is important to consider because your style of living reflects your attitudes and values. We see the attitudes and values of people when we see their lifestyle. This is obvious when we consider the lifestyle of the Amish, the lifestyle of a hippie, or the monastic lifestyle.

Some lifestyles are clearly unchristian. Others, like the lifestyles of a farmer or an executive are acceptable for the Christian. There is one lifestyle, one way of life, that every Christian can and must have. It is what Scripture calls the “most excellent way of life.”

It is a lifestyle every Christian must choose. What is this way of life? It’s the lifestyle of love. The apostle Paul describes it in 1 Corinthians 13 where he expounds on Christian love. Our lives should be all about love. He introduces the chapter by telling them he is going to show them a more excellent way- a more excellent way of life. After his exposition of love he tells the Corinthians to pursue this way of life characterized by love.

What does this have to do with spiritual gifts?

Paul’s discussion of love comes right in the middle of a discussion of spiritual gifts. Why does Paul bring up the topic of love?

First, “The truly spiritual life is the only life in which the gifts of the Spirit can operate.” Paul tells us what a truly spiritual life looks like: love.

Second, at the end of chapter 12, Paul encouraged the Corinthians to appreciate the greater spiritual gifts. Evidently, the Corinthians were most zealous for the gift of tongues. Paul is trying to straighten out their thinking. What is the answer to a preocupation for th gift of tongues? First, you have to see that certain gifts are superior to the tongues. Paul says that the gifts of apostleship and prophecy were superior to the gift of tongues (which he deliberately places at the end of the list). Therefore, as a church body, the Corinthians should be most zealous for the greater gifts. They will need to lose their preoccupation with tongues. That’s not the only answer to their preoccupation with tongues. Paul gives a second answer. He tells them to pursue love above all. Love is all together superior to spiritual gifts.

We obviously need to pursue love as a way of life. But, how?

How to Pursue Love as a Way of Life

First, recognize the indispensability of love.
Spiritual gifts without love are useless. Personal sacrifice without love is useless.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
(1) If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
(2) If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
(3) And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Paul talks about the spiritual gifts of tongues, prophecy, and faith in verses 1-2 and personal sacrifice in verse 3.

He is going to say something very startling in these verses, and he wants everyone to know that what he is going to say applies even to him. He says, “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

It seems obvious that Paul is referring to the gift of tongues here. Some Christians say Paul is sanctioning an “angelic language” (a non-human language) for the gift of tongues. But, this cannot be.

First, there is no reason to think angels speak a non-human language. Identify the occasions recorded in Scripture where angels are speaking, and you will find that they speak in known human languages. There is no reason to think angels have another non-human language.
Second, Paul is not trying to make a point about what the gift of tongues is about. He is not trying to define or describe the gift of tongues. In fact, he is using hyperbole. He is using exaggeration as a literary device.

Here is the sense of his sentence: “Even if he could speak with the tongues of angels - and what tongue could be more eloquent than the tongue of angels!? - if I did it without love, I am like a gong or a cymbal. Imagine! The most beautiful language you could ever image would sound like an annoying gong if it were spoken without love.”

He wanted the Corinthians to get over their preoccupation with tongues. “Corinthians, if you strive for tongues without striving for love as a way of life, you are striving to be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. What good are you then?”

Paul refers to the gift of prophecy in verse 2. He uses hyperbole again. “If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge…” Obviously, no one knows everything. Paul is exaggerating for effect. “If I can prophecy like no body’s business, but do so without love, I am nothing.”

In the same verse, Paul talks about the gift of faith (cf. 12:9). “If I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”

Notice that he doesn’t say our gifts amount to nothing. He says we are nothing. Yikes!

Spiritual gifts are not as important as love. Spiritual gifts without love are worthless.

Personal sacrifice is not as important as love. You are nothing if you make even the greatest of personal sacrifices but do not have love.

In verse 3 he says, “If I give all my possessions to feed the poor.” Wow! You could give everything you have, holding nothing back for yourself, and, without love, it would profit you nothing.

He says, “If I surrender my body to be burned.” Wow! You could give up your very life for another or for very spiritual reasons, and if you don’t have love, it will profit you nothing.”

John MacArthur says, “It is easier to be orthodox than to be loving, and easier to be active in church work than to be loving. Yet the supreme characteristic that God demands of His people is love.”

Do you think you are spiritual? How faithful are you when it comes to loving people? Perhaps you are thinking, “I am loving. I give a lot to the poor.” Or, “I can teach Scripture eloquently and powerfully” or “I serve in the church a lot.” That doesn’t answer the question. You can do all those things without love. And, if you do them without love you are nothing!

All of this leads us to the second aspect of a genuine pursuit of love as a way of life. Not only must you recognize the indispensability of love, you must also…

Second, live out the characteristics of genuine love (vv.4-7).
Paul describes love in the next four verses. He doesn’t define it. He describes it. He shows us what it looks like. He wants us to see it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
(4) Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
(5) does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
(6) does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
(7) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Let’s look at these 15 characteristics of love.

1. Love is patient (v.4). That refers to the willingness to suffer for a long time. When you love another person you are willing to endure injuries without retaliating. It is the ability to be inconvenienced without resorting to selfish anger, self-centered complaining, ungratefulness, or retaliation.

A genuinely loving person is not preoccupied with himself, his own interests, his own rights, his own inconveniences. Rather he is concerned with God’s interests, God’s rights, other’s interests, others inconveniences. When he is inconvenienced or wronged, he is ready and willing to suffer long because he knows everything in life does not revolve around Him. He is therefore able to suffer long.

2. Love is kind (v. 4). To be kind is to be useful, serving, and gracious. It is not merely a feeling, but an act. Love is willing to work in order to give to another.

A loving person does things for others. A loving person is characterized by serving others and being useful to others.

3. Love is not jealous (v. 4). A person can be jealous when he sees someone else has more than he has or has something better than he has.

He does not want others to have what is good, but would rather have it himself. He loves himself so much that he does not want someone else to have something good. A jealous person will at times despise God’s blessings (on others) simply because he didn’t receive them and someone else did.

You may be jealous because someone else is more popular, successful, beautiful, talented/gifted, knowledgeable of the Scriptures, more faithful in various spiritual disciplines, or more accepted by others.

James 3:16
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.

4. Love does not brag (v. 4). To brag is to talk conceitedly. It involves the parading or your accomplishments in front of others so they can see them and admire you for them.

It is the opposite of giving thanks and credit to God for your accomplishments. It is the opposite of rejoicing with others in their accomplishments. It is the opposite of encouraging others to admire God. In essence, it is an attempt to steal glory from God.

It is horizontal thinking. It is not vertical thinking. No one looks up prayerfully to God to brag to Him. They aren’t that stupid. Bragging is horizontal. It is thinking that is concerned only with me and you and the contest we have between us to see who is the greatest.

If Christ is first in our hearts, we can’t possibly brag.

5. Love is not arrogant (v. 4). The New King James version says love “is not puffed up.”

Jay Adams says, “Not only does love remove tendencies to blow one’s own horn, but it also takes away the self-focus that would lead one to buy the horn in the first place!”

You are arrogant when you think everyone needs you. You are arrogant when you think everyone should come to your for advice and live according to your way. You are arrogant when you want others to think highly of you because you are better than them.

William Carey was a missionary and a brilliant linguist. He translated part of the Bible into more than 43 languages and dialects. In India he was often ridiculed for his “low” birth and former occupation. At a dinner party, one ridiculer said, “I understand, Mister Carey, that you once worked as a shoemaker.” “Oh no, your lordship,” Carey replied, “I was not a shoemaker, only a shoe repairman.”

6. Love does not act unbecomingly (v. 5). The NKJV says love “does not behave rudely.” To act unbecomingly is to act rudely. It is to be careless of how one conducts himself. It is to be insensitive to the feelings of others and ungracious in speech.

A loving person is concerned to help others be comfortable. You can show love to others by keeping things neat and clean for them, making the temperature of the room comfortable for the, or simply giving people a cheerful smile.

This is to characterize us. We love all the time. “It is well said you can spot a gentleman not by the way he addressed his king but by the way he addresses his servants.” Most people will be kind to someone if they see some advantage in it. But, a genuinely loving person is characterized by not acting rudely, no matter who the other person is.

7. Love is not self-seeking ( v. 5). The English Standard Version (ESV) says love “does not insist on its own way.” Love does not seek that which does not belong to it. Also, love is willing to give up that which it is entitled to.

Our love can so easily be tainted with self-seeking. Don’t be like Marie…

Dearest Jimmy,

No words could even express the great unhappiness I’ve felt since breaking our engagement. Please say you’ll take be back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you!

Your forever, Marie.

P.S. And congratulations on winning the state lottery.

That’s probably enough for you to chew on today. We’re about half way through the characteristics of genuine love. Also, we need to look at how Paul contrasts love with spiritual gifts. We’ll see you soon.

I recently read this Shopping for Time - after my wife, Tiffany, had read it. We were both very impressed and helped.

The book is written by Carolyn Mahaney (C.J. Mahaney’s wife) and three daughters. It’s a short book (95 pages) that can easily be read in a day or two (which is good for those who feel like they are short on time!).

My wife posted a review of the book on our family blog (www.CraigandTiff.blogspot.com), and I’m posting it here as well for your edification.

What I liked about Shopping for Time
The premise of the book is: plan to get the most from your time, just like your money! The passage this book is built around is Ephesians 5:15-16. “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil.”

They have five tips for becoming wise shoppers for time. These are five chapters in the book. They are great!

#1 Rise Early (Joining the 5 AM Club). Have accountability to do this; have friends call if you can’t get up. The authors call this the “5 AM Club” in their family. Undistracted time with God must be the priority (get up earlier than the kiddos…as they demand so much attention.) They always qualify however and say that it is not a command that we rise early…but they see many benefits for our spiritual lives and our families. Prioritize time with the Savior first. The secondary purpose is to prioritize family’s needs. We can bless our families if we are up to serve their needs early as the Proverbs 31 lady did. Apparently 5 AM, 6 AM, 6:30 AM clubs are cropping up around the country based on their family’s idea. I like their recommendation to try it for a week or two and then evaluate the benefits!

#2 Sit Still (Sitting at Jesus’ Feet). Be a Mary (worshipper) more than a Martha (servant). Christ said in this story, “one thing is necessary.” This is what they call the “deal of all deals…the one thing we have got to have.” Spend time seeking the Savior through prayer and the Word. They say, “No extra hour of sleep, no ‘urgent’ task we must complete, no service we can do for others is half as good a bargain as this one. In fact, notice it’s the ‘urgent’ tasks that distracted Martha from the prize deal in front of her and left her ‘troubled about many things.’” I liked how they said that our standing with God is not based on our performance in this area though. We can be joyful and guilt free because of the Savior’s work on our behalf.

#3 Sit and Plan (Taking a Personal Retreat).
Take some time to study. To pray. To evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and set goals. Find a way to get by yourself for a morning, a day or longer to really prioritize your life. Don’t let busyness be an excuse to not plan. Don’t waste your time (your life!) by failing to plan. Their list of priorities are these:

• Grow in Godliness.
• Love my family.
• Serve in the church.
• Fellowship with Christians.
• Evangelize non-Christians.
• Attend to my work.
• Care for my physical health.

#4 Consider People (Evaluating Relationships Carefully). They say we should make a “relationship list” in order to be intentional about relationships. First, of course comes God, then family. We need to have several different kinds of friends as well. We need friends who sharpen us spiritually, friends who mentor us, friends who need friends (whom we can minister to) and friends who need salvation. They also urge us to leave (forsake) friendships with the unwise! “…In order to be wise shoppers of time, we must not only look carefully at how we walk but with whom we walk”.

#5 Plan to Depend (Being Productive in Daily Life). Develop a daily planning system that works for you. This is not the sole focus of the book like I had anticipated. I am glad they didn’t focus on a system of organization, since I have many other helpful books on this topic, but rather on the broader view of what our biblical priorities are. They do recommend spending 15 minutes in planning time each morning to make sure your day follows your goals. Do the hardest tasks first. Plan to depend on Christ in the day’s tasks and remember that when things don’t go as planned-trust Him (as that is more important than the task list)!

One complaint about the book
They pulled a few verses out of context…the main one that I saw that was misapplied was Titus 2. They said that this means that family always comes first, whether it be a niece, an aunt or whomever…these relationships take priority over friends. I don’t think Titus 2 says that. I think we need to prioritize husband and children first (and not necessarily extended family) as the passage explicitly says.

Overall
This book is really gospel centered. It reminds us of the goal of being Christ-centered. This is our only goal, and it makes life so simple when we remember this blessed truth. Every other detail of life falls into place as we remember this.

Here’s a favorite quote from the book: “We can actually do all that God has called us to do…and we can do it in a peaceful, joyful manner and get sufficient rest beside.”

This book was like a breath of fresh air for me. The Mahaney ladies have “Titus Two’d” me through this book. I really appreciate their transparency, candor, fun way of writing, and biblical conviction. I felt as though I was sneaking a peak into their family’s life and loved it! Also, I am inspired by their expressions of love and respect for one another…this is a testimony to God’s blessing on them and also of their love for Christ. It made me want to hear what they had to say. I will be reading all their other books now that I know that they are a goldmine of Titus Two treasures.

I have dealt with “fools” before, and helped many others deal with the “fools” in their life as well. I do think there is a lot of great information that is catalogued from the Proverbs that can be helpful in determining what God’s “book of wisdom” would say about how we can and should help, love, serve and respond to others in a way that honors God.

While this book has a lot of helpful information about what the Bible says about “fools,” overall it lacks the biblically sound punch of helping Christians understand exactly what God’s Word says about how to respond to them and why. The motivations given for changing how one typically responds to these difficult people are often self-centered or more defined by psychological terms than biblical ones. As well, the responses themselves are either very loosely based on Scripture, or in a couple of cases are just patently unbiblical. I could not heartily recommend it, despite the fact that it contains some helpful summaries and definitions. Here are my specific and more detailed thoughts.

I’ll start with what I thought were a couple of strengths in the book.

1. The author helps readers identify when they should begin thinking and responding differently to “fools” in their life.

Many Christians are stuck in a discouraging and potentially futile cycle of trying to help and love people who do not truly want to grow and change into the person God has called them to be. They do struggle with a internal conflict of wanting to help, trying to minister lovingly, and then somehow feeling guilty when their efforts fail. I think the author does a good job of indentifying what that looks and feels like, and encouraging the reader to consider the fact that God’s Word does give instruction about how to respond to people like this. There may be an unbalanced emphasis on the behavior and actions of “the fool” in your life, and not enough discussion of how our own sinful responses can further complicate these relationships, but overall I think it is a helpful challenge.

2. The author defines various “degrees” of fools, and then catalogues from Scripture the patterns of thinking and behavior that describes a “fool”

I believe the author is right to show in chapter two that there are various degrees of fools–”degrees” here relating to the kinds and regularity of foolish thinking and behavior. Some are just foolish by incident, and are referred to in Scripture as the “simple” or “naive.” Others, she shows from Proverbs, are foolish by character. This is the kind of fool that she proposes to help you learn how to deal with. Following the three common Hebrew terms translated “fool,” she defines three kinds of people who are characteristically foolish. There is the “close-minded fool,” the “spiritually bereft fool,” and the “hardened fool.” Clearly she is trying to define these terms biblically, and I think she does a good job of doing so, because she follows God’s own definitions.

In chapters three and four she then arranges in topical fashion different patterns of thinking (ch. 3) and behavior (ch. 4) of those called fools in the Bible. From Scripture she shows that a typical “fool” will display certain patterns of selfishness, stubbornness, deception, apathy, anger and destructive behavior. I think this information is well-arranged and quite helpful. I am not sure I agree with her unqualified statement that, “Every fool thinks the same way when it comes to some basics” (p. 49, emphasis mine). Many, and perhaps most, will display these patterns, but an unqualified “every” is overstating the case. When we overstate things it can easily cause others to wrongly start looking for these patterns of sinful thought and behavior. We may begin to think, “if they are a fool, they must be doing this,” and we won’t stop looking until we find it. We may even think an isolated incident is indicative of a bigger pattern. Overall the information is good, although I caution the reader to not allow this overstatement to justify a judgmental spirit (see my comments on sinfully categorizing people under the “weaknesses” below).

Again, however, I think that overall these categories and descriptions (chapters three and four) are helpful and biblically informed.

Now here are some weaknesses that prevent me from recommending the book.

1. The motivations for changing how one understands and responds to “fools” are often self-centered or more defined by psychological terms than biblical ones.

In my opinion, there is an emphasis in the book on how living with and responding to the fool in your life makes you feel. This emphasis on changing the feelings of being used, guilty, manipulated, inadequte, controlled, dominated, or appeasing becomes the dominant motivation for learning to respond differently to these kinds of people in your life. This motivation is not necessarily wrong, but could easily be (or become) one’s ultimate goal. The ultimate goal should be the glory of God, whether that comes through helping others grow, or through responding to them in a way that is biblically wise and God-honoring. Our feelings must be secondary to that goal and motivation. I don’t think this proper biblical emphasis is stated clearly (although the author might agree with what I just said). Instead it is overshadowed by the author’s excellent understanding of relational dynamics, and her ability to communicate the feelings produced through them. This ability to communicate about these things endears the book to the reader because it makes them feel like she “understands what you’ve been going through.” Unfortunately, it also causes the reader to focus too much on what they are feeling and why, rather than on what God would have them think and do.

Many times throughout the book the motivation for change is stated in very self-centered terms. Here are some examples.

…your entaglement with the difficult person in your life is costing you too much (p. 37)…no longer is your fool in charge (p. 126)…As you begin to focus on yourself (p. 131)…Dealing with a fool can and will consume all of your time and all of your effort if you let it (p. 143)…you will realize that your joy and well-being are affected by the behavior of your fool and that the focus of your life is altered (p. 143)…you will be able to become a person of freedom and honesty as you move along your path toward wholeness (p. 198).

Admittedly, there are times when the proper biblical priority and motivation is stated in no uncertain terms. For instance, she states:

You must remember that your hope is in God and his plan for you and your fool. since your hope is not in changing your fool through manipulation or even Christian kindness, you must take your focus off your fool and turn it on yourself (p. 144).

And in this particular instance, the focus on yourself involves an admonition to recognize and deal with the many attitudinal sins and selfish responses that often result from dealing with difficult people–things like anger, fear, etc. This is good, but that truth is overshadowed by an improper encouragement to focus on self that is defined more by modern pop psychology than biblical truth. Here are some examples of psychological terms and concepts that muddy the pure waters of biblical truth and God-centered motivations:

…be a more effective person (p. 76)…assign the proper roles to the people in our lives (p. 94)…you do not have to give him ownership of your feelings and behavior (p. 126)…He is a human being with potential locked up somewhere in his self-possessed bubble (p. 144)…He had become angry and manipulative and seemed unable to “find himself” anywhere (p. 144)…It takes real wisdom to become whole, functional people (p. 154)…You will be more at ease with yourself and more comfortable in your position with God (p. 154)…[the goal is] making you into a healthy, fully functioning, godly person (p. 165)…you are making a positive step toward freeing yourself from the complications and chaos that bind you (p. 189).

It would be unfair to not recognize that many of these phrases are being used in a “conversational way” and not as a technical “pyschological” description of problems and solutions. However, encouraging goals like “being a more effective person,” “becoming whole, functional people,” “being more at ease with yourself,” and becoming “a healthy, fully functioning” person, deceptively steers Christians away from being biblically minded, and therefore steers them away from being biblically wise–the very goal she proposes to help them with in the beginning. Her own choice of language and the instruction she gives works against her stated goal of helping Christian develop biblical wisdom.

2. The author’s categories of common and potentially sinful responses to “fools” lacked biblical support.

Chapter six details seven common responses people have toward fools in their life (pampering, pouting, passivity, protecting, pleading, pleasing, and prodding). These common responses need to be thought through biblically as it relates to each specific person and situation. I wish she had shown from Scripture why each of these responses were potentially unwise. I think each of these could be shown to be wrong from Scripture, at least in certain situations. Unfortunately, there is not a single reference to Scripture in the entire chapter. It is difficult to help others learn how to be wise and have biblical, God-honoring responses, if you do not actually use Scripture.

3. The author’s categories of different kinds of fools may lend itself to sinful juding of others.

Chapter five proposes to define five different kinds of fools. These categories are potentially very helpful descriptions. They do describe people in ways similar to how the Bible describes the fool in Scripture. Again, however, there is not a single reference to Scripture in this chapter to show that the type of sinful thinking and behavior is clearly described by God as “characteristic foolishness.” The danger (certainly unintended by the author) is that the reader would take these descriptions and “pigeonhole” the people in their life in a way that is mercilessly unfair. There is a difference between a “fool” in Scripture and someone who may, at any given point in time (and even repeatedly), exhibit some of these sinful relational patterns. Again, I believe this is another area where the sinful behavior of others in our life needs to be looked at and understood with a honest evaluation of our own weaknesses, sinful responses and unintended contributions to the problems that exist. Her descriptions, while perhaps accurate and marginally helpful, seem to lack a measure of mercy and rather than motivating a godly longsuffering toward others, may in contrast justify a judgmental spirit. It is a subtle oversight, but a potentially dangerous one.

4. Scripture is often used out of context.

In another brief, but insightful review of this book, it was pointed out that there were verses taken out of context or misinterpreted (Jere. 29:11-14 on pages 19, 76 and 189; Romans 8:26,27 on page 175; Luke 8:22-25 on page 183; Luke 4:30 on page 184). I noticed most of those as I went through, but had not catalogued them because I find the practice so common in the typical evangelical book. It is important to point it out, however.

5. There is unbiblical counsel given in the book.

I believe this is true in two instances. The first is the author’s counsel to “DETACH” when you are “not sure exactly how to proceed in relating to your fool” (p. 171). This advice is not total abandonment of the relationship, but forging a more impersonal and “matter of fact” way of relating to them. It needs to be understood more clearly what she means by this concept. It is true that we are “not to give what is holy to dogs” (Matthew 7), and that we should not “answer a fool according to his folly” (Proverbs 26:4). However, it is unclear if this counsel is an attempt to understand and apply such principles. This is because, once again, there is no biblical support given for this counsel.

The second matter has to do with unbiblical counsel concerning divorce from 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. The author states that Paul is giving permission for people to divorce their spouse “if you find that you cannot live with your fool” any longer. In her words, “If your spouse’s anger and strife are too much for you to bear and you do not feel you can continue to put up with the situation, you are free to separate from your spouse” (p. 177). This is very unfortunate counsel, that could produce much confusion, sin and harm in the church.

Conclusion

I do think there is much that is helpful in this book and that a discerning reader might be able to develop a more biblical approach and understanding of the many complicated relational dynamics that are communicated so well by the author. The real issue that is overlooked in her basic approach to understanding and responding to fools is “How can God be most glorified and the individual be ministered to and loved with knowledge and discernment (Phi. 1:9) in a God-honoring way?” As Gary E. Gilley states in the review cited above:

The author is far too concerned with what is good for us at the expense of what is good for our “fool” (see page 187). I believe the biblical question would be, are we helping or harming our “fool” by the actions we are taking? It may very well be best for both ourselves and the “fool” to detach, separate, or give up efforts to minister to them. But we must be careful not to jump to that conclusion too soon, and we must recognize that Philippians 2:3, 4 is not rescinded even for fools.

At times responding wisely to a fool may mean leaving them to suffer the consequences of their sin, and in this she may be right. At times it may mean “detaching” in some form in order to avoid repeatedly “rescuing an angry man” (Pro. 19:19). However, her basic assumption that “it is impossible to correct, change, alter,…or reason with a fool” informs her understanding of any biblical counsel and instruction we may have, and that might enable us to be an instrument used by God to transform a fool. In fact, we are told to “answer a fool as his folly deserves, that he not be wise in his own eyes” (Pro. 26:5). If we must always “detach” because it is “impossible” to change a fool, then how can we obey this biblical admonition?

There is a lot of helpful information, but the book lacks a biblically informed emphasis in both the motivation for and approach to dealing with the fool.

Chapter 14 is called, “Self-Control Outside In.” It’s about music and how music affects you. Bond, the author, says music is not neutral. He claims he has debunked neutrality, but I don’t think he has.

He tells the story of how his 3 year old son overheard Christopher Hogwood’s rendition of Handel’s Messiah. His son heard the “hard-driving fierceness conveyed in the orchestral overture leading to the crucifixion” and said, “Bad guys!” Bond goes on to say, “how does instrumental music convey foreboding badness so clearly even to a child?” His answer: “It’s because once sounds are arranged into music, they are not neutral.”

Bond is talking about music WITHOUT lyrics, and says it is not neutral.

This idea has been used a million times to show how a syncopated drum beat is inherently sinful.

Bond’s reasons
So, what are Bond’s reasons for believing music (without lyrics) is not neutral? Well, he doesn’t number his reasons, but I think I can pick them out (and number them) based on his paragraph headings.

First, the instrumental rendition of Handel’s Messiah heard by his son conveyed “foreboding badness so clearly.”

Second, “Listening to classical music enhances brain development, contributes to emotional well-being, even helps the body cope with disease.” Bond references various studies that have been done.

Third, “music is ‘widely distributed throughout the brain’” and “finds its ‘way into the inward places of the soul.’” He quotes Dr. Lawrence Parsons of the University of Texas-San Antonio. He also quotes Plato where he says, “rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul.” He quotes another guy too.

Hopefully, you’re thinking about right now, “I got the impression that this book was Christian and biblical and stuff. Why is he talking so much about what scientists and philosophers think? What does the Bible say?” If that’s what you’re thinking, good. He does have something to say about Bible.

Fourth, “Music in the Bible, as nearly as I can tell, is always about worship.” What leads Bond to this conclusion? Music is frequently said to be “to the Lord” and “before the Lord.” So, music is about worship, “and absolutely nothing about worship in the Bible is neutral.”

Fifth, both believers and unbelievers identify a particular rock music as “the trade mark of youthful cultural revolt.”

Rock music and its derivatives are designed to make you reckless, to give you a throbbing sense of invincibility, an adrenaline-pumping notion of power and freedom, to lower your moral resistance, to urge you to act on what you feel, to throw off restraint, and to live outside of the boundaries. It’s also designed to hit you in the face with sex.

Bond quotes a bunch of people as support (Chris Stein, Andrew Loog Oldham, Dr. Howard Hanson, and others).

Sixth, music either “ennobles or degrades.”

A hard-hitting quote
Bond hits his point hard as he wraps up his chapter.

Even apart from lyrics, the music you listen to either aids you in worshiping God or aids in bowing down to false gods. If you’re serious about living your life at full attention before the face of God, then stop listening to music that makes you content with the world, that makes you slouch or swagger, that degrades you and makes you effeminate.

Are his points valid?
Let’s take a look at each of Bond’s points.

First, Bond’s son heard Handel’s Messiah and said, “Bad guys!” but that doesn’t mean music is moral. This does not mean instrumental music is either moral or immoral. “Bad guys” isn’t a complete thought that could possibly be judged to be either moral or immoral. If the instrumental music communicated the proposition that “bad guys are good” or “bad guys are better than God” or “bad guys are to be feared above all,” then certainly the music is immoral. If the instrumental music communicated the proposition that “bad guys will be judged by the immutable, omniscient, omnipotent, and holy God of the universe,” then the song is morally good. “Bad guys” isn’t proposing anything to be either true or false. Therefore, it is neutral. It won’t harm or help anyone.

The response of the Bond’s son provides evidence of the neutrality of music! His son could say nothing more about than “bad guys.” He couldn’t even be encouraged by the music to believe that God is sovereign over “bad guys.” How could music (without lyrics) accomplish this?

Second, music is said to enhance brain development and help in other healthy ways, but neutral things can help in these ways. These facts about music (if they are facts) mean that music enjoyable and helpful, but not moral. Obviously, there are many things that can be good for our health (medication, fruit, thread, etc.), but that doesn’t mean they are moral.

Third, a bunch of people say that music finds its’ way into the soul, but their personal, foggy conclusions about music don’t mean music is moral. First, these people are sharing their opinions, and nothing more. Second, what does it even mean when someone says music finds its’ way into the soul? Where is the soul? How long does it stay in the soul? Does it bounce around in the soul? I don’t mean to offend with these silly questions. I mean only to show that no real point is even being made with such a claim.

Fourth, music in the Bible is about worship, but that doesn’t mean music itself is moral. We should “sing unto the Lord.” Obviously, I agree with this exhortation from God. But, what does this exhortation mean?

• This exhortation means that there should be times when we sing songs of praise to God.
• It does not mean that every song should be a “praise song.” Happy Birthday is acceptable before God, I believe. I’m sure Bond would agree too, but I wonder how he would justify it while maintaining his logical conclusions from the exhortation to “sing unto the Lord.”

Of course, there is another sense in which all music is worship - the sense in which everything is to be done as worship to the Lord. First Corinthians 10:31 says we are to do all to the glory of God - even eating and drinking. So, does that mean that music is moral since it should be worship to the Lord (just like eating)? No, but it does mean that we - as people - are either moral or immoral whenever we listen to or sing music. We can even be immoral as we listen to an instrumental rendition of Handel’s Messiah or even as we sing praise music. We should always listen to music and sing music to the glory of God, but that doesn’t mean instrumental music itself is moral.

Fifth, people often associate rock music with rebellion, but . I agree that, generally speaking, rock music has been associated with cultural rebellion. This does not debunk neutrality though. First, the rock music associated with cultural rebellion is music with lyrics, and those lyrics (in rebellious songs) have propositional statements that are contrary to Scripture or that lead people to think in a way contrary to Scripture. Second, rock music is associated with outward rebellion. If we could see the evil in people hearts all the time, I think we would associate even instrumental classical music with rebellion. Everything we - totally depraved sinners - get our hands on we use as instruments of rebellion at some time or another.

Sixth, music either ennobles or degrades, but this adds nothing to the discussion. This point isn’t really additional support for Bond’s thesis that music is moral. He’s just saying the same thing another way.

Conclusions
1. For music to be morally good or bad, it needs to have a message. The message must be more than “bad guys.” That’s not a message. To be moral, the message has to be more than “fun,” “exciting,” “peaceful,” “sin,” or “watch out.” Those are not messages that can be judged to be either right or wrong.

2. Music without a message can gain a message in a number of different ways. Notice how familiar songs are used in TV commercials. Songs take on new meanings when certain pictures, people, or events are associated with them. But, certainly, not all instrumental music teaches a message.

Some folks excuse their music because the message isn’t wrong when they know good and well that the music brings sinful thoughts to their minds. The music may not be categorically wrong, but if it is a stumbling block for us, we need to get rid of it!

3. Morally neutral music can be used in immoral ways .

• If a teenager is discontent because the girl he likes doesn’t like him back, he shouldn’t listen to music that makes it easy for him to mope. He needs to think on Christ.
• Fun music can be used to distract a person from doing something he is supposed to be doing - like reading his Bible or simply thinking seriously about life.
• Some music might make it easier for a person to think angry thoughts about the authorities in his life.

We should all consider why we listen to the music we do. What is our motive? We should consider when we listen to music. Do we listen to “fun” music when we ought to be soberly fixing our hope on Christ?

4. I appreciate Bond’s concern for fathers and sons to honor God with their music. I appreciate the following helpful, thought-provoking comments concerning our listening habits:

• “What music makes the straight and narrow King’s Highway look attractive?” This is a great question. We need to consider whether our music listening habits help us or hinder us from seeing the beauty of Christ. This is good as long as we don’t give an answer like “classical music” (which doesn’t make the King’s Highway look attractive). Songs that tempt a person to covet or that bring immoral thoughts to mind should be discarded.
• “Stop listening to music that makes you content with the world, that makes you slouch or swagger, that degrades you…” I think of 1 Peter 1:13. We need to be sober-minded so that we are ready and able to fix our hope on the coming Christ and the glorifying grace He is bringing!

We need to consider how the music we listen to affects us. Also, we should consider how better music might help us more.

A final concluding point is a quote from Dave Swavely in his book, Who Are You to Judge?: The Dangers of Judging and Legalism…

5. When it comes to issues not directly addressed in the Scriptures, God will be looking primarily at the reasons and responses of the heart. And since what goes on inside of us is the most important factor in issues like entertainment, we simply cannot make hard-and-fast rules that every Christian must follow” (p. 138)

Making a rule against “rock music” isn’t helpful. That kind of a rule is a smoke screen. We need to look at our hearts .

So, listen to music carefully. Glorify Christ with everything you listen to.

(Eventually I’ll post a review of Bond’s book. I anticipate that I will be able to give the book an overall rating of “good.”)

Parents must teach their children to choose their friends wisely. “If you do not help your children select, and help them learn to select for themselves, the right kind of companions, the wrong kind of companions will inevitably select them. The responsibility of teaching children how to choose their friends wisely is therefore a fundamental element of successful biblical parenting” (John MacArthur, Successful Christian Parenting, p. 88).

How should Christian parents approach this task? In order to succeed Christian parents need to understand why this task cannot be neglected, what circumstances hinder proper instruction of children in this area, and then how to help their children understand and apply the Scriptures in the choosing of their companions. God’s sufficient Scriptures supply the necessary truth for training our children to choose friends wisely.

Why Children must be Trained to Choose Friends Wisely

Children are born sinful, naïve and foolish. They must be instructed and trained for godly living. Left to themselves they will follow the promptings of their flesh, and this includes choosing friends whose behavior and attitudes appeal to that sinful flesh. In contrast to the natural bent of children, God’s standard for choosing friends is stated by the psalmist. “I am a companion of all those who fear Thee, And of those who keep Thy precepts” (Psalm 119:63). This standard must be taught and pressed home to the heart of every child. In order to be properly motivated and admonished to be faithful in this responsibility, parents must understand the biblical reasons why this standard must be taught to their children. We will look at three biblical reasons for teaching children to choose friends wisely.

1. Children will become like the Friends They Choose

The Scripture states emphatically that we are influenced by the people around us. Parents must teach their children the dangers and consequences of choosing friends foolishly and indiscriminately. First Corinthians 15:33 provides a clear biblical warning about choosing ungodly companions. “Do not be deceived: ‘bad company corrupts good morals.’” Those categorized by God’s word as “bad company” corrupt the good morals of those around them by influencing others to be like them. While this passage is not speaking directly to parenting, the formative years of childhood, when a child’s moral character is being shaped, is an especially dangerous time to allow children to be subject to the influence of evil companions. MacArthur warns, “It is a fact of human nature that young people are more prone to follow a bad example than they are to set a good example, especially if it means going against their peers” (p. 89)

In addition to general influences, the Scripture also warns of particular character traits being assumed as a result of bad influences. Proverbs 28:7 warns, “He who is a companion of gluttons humiliates his father.” One must assume that the problem is not simply being in the presence of a glutton that brings parental humiliation. Rather, it is learning the lusts and behavior of the glutton that ultimately brings this humiliation. This parallels a similar warning given in Proverbs 22:24, 25a; “Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Lest you learn his ways.” Spending time with a “hot-head” will teach you to respond to life in the same angry and selfish way. People learn the attitudes and behaviors of those they commonly associate with.

This principle can be illustrated by noting the history of Rehoboam, the son of Solomon (see 1 Kings 12:1-16). Rehoboam sought the counsel of “the young men who grew up with him” (1 Kings 12:8). These men encouraged Rehoboam to adopt a cruel attitude toward the people of Israel. While Rehoboam was still responsible for his own words and actions, it is an apt illustration of what happens when sons are allowed to enjoy the companionship of ungodly men. Parents should take heed. These were simply the boys that Rehoboam had grown up with. Part of Solomon’s sad legacy is that the companions he allowed his son to choose ultimately played an influential role in dividing the kingdom of Israel (all of which was, admittedly, part of God’s sovereign plan).

Most parents recognize that their own children take on the attitudes, mannerisms and speech patterns of their friends (or the attitudes, mannerism and speech patterns of those they view in movies or television, with whom they identify in a “friendly” way). “Your kids’ personal moral standards, the language they use, and the activities they engage in, will probably not rise above the lowest common denominator of their companions’ standards. Rarely does a child have the capability to elevate himself beyond the constituent group in which he functions” (MacArthur, p. 88). The point is sufficiently stated and illustrated: children become like the friends they choose.

2. Children who Choose Bad Friends will Suffer Harm

There is a second reason why parents must teach their children to choose their friends wisely. Not only will children take on the character traits of their friends, the Bible warns that they will also suffer the consequences of living out those character traits. “He who walks with wise men shall be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20). The harm that may be suffered could come in many different forms. We will look at a representative sample of harmful consequences that the Scripture warns may come upon those who choose friends unwisely. These should be lovingly pressed home upon the hearts and minds of children. Here are two general categories of harm that could come to children if they are not properly warned and instructed in choosing friends.

You may Suffer Harm by being Taken Advantage of

No one plans on being taken advantage of by a friend. But the Bible clearly states that certain kinds of “friends” have a tendency to do just that. Listen to the warning of Proverbs 19:6, 7; “Many will entreat the favor of a generous man, And every man is a friend to him who gives gifts. All the brothers of a poor man hate him; How much more do his friends go far from him! He pursues them with words, but they are gone.” In simple terms, everybody loves the guy with the cash, the cool bike, the fast car, or the latest video game. But as soon as these “friends” are denied the pleasure they are really after they will prove themselves to be fair weather friends. Children should be warned about friends who exhibit an inordinate interest in material things, or who are clearly self-seeking in their pursuits. This can and should be taught at a young age. Douglas Wilson wisely remarks, “What a seventeen-year-old should not do with his car a seven-year-old should not do with his bike-e.g., loan it to a new friend for the summer” (Douglas Wilson, Future Men, p. 119)

It may not be material possessions alone that others are seeking. They may pursue your friendship for a variety of self-seeking interests. Another means of gaining this self-seeking friendship involves flattery. Again the Scriptures warn us; “A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps” (Proverbs 29:5). Young people will likely be able to observe this in their own experience. It is not uncommon for young men or women to flatter someone of the opposite sex, win their affections and interest, only to have it revealed later that it was all done to make the real object of their affections jealous. Scripture testifies that Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel by flatteringly telling them they deserved justice and that he was willing to give it to them. But his words were deceitful and designed only to win their affections so that he could usurp the throne of his father. He was playing on their loyalties for his own selfish purposes. In the end these kinds of friends will only take advantage of others and abandon them when they have served their purposes.

Those who choose friends unwisely should be warned to expect such treatment. In contrast, true friends do not take advantage of others and will be faithful through thick or thin. “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).

You may Suffer Harm through the Fruit of Your own Sin

We examined in our first point that children become like the friends they choose. When children choose ungodly companions and then become like them, it follows that they will suffer harm as a natural consequence. There are obvious and severe harms that could be suffered (drugs, alcohol, sex, pregnancy, disease, crime, etc.). Other types of harm are more subtle. Proverbs declares that the companion of a glutton humiliates his father (Proverbs 28:7). If a person adopts a gluttonous lifestyle then he will suffer the physical harms associated with that lifestyle. Proverbs also warns that consequences cannot be avoided if you choose to be the companion of a harlot (Proverbs 6:26-28). Likewise, associating with an angry man and learning his ways brings an inevitable snare in a person’s life (Proverbs 22:24, 25). One does not need a great imagination to think of many ways that angry people get themselves into harmful situations.

The truth that choosing friends unwisely can cause great harm in a person’s life must be pressed home with children when they are young so that it will govern their choices when they are older and living less and less under the direct authority of their parents. Parents must take providential opportunities to illustrate and prove these principles from real life situations around them. It is a parent’s responsibility.

This parental responsibility brings us to the third reason why children must be trained to choose friends wisely.

3. Children who Choose Friends Foolishly will Shame their Parents

The Scripture is clear that children who follow the path of foolishness bring grief and shame upon their parents. “A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother” (Proverbs 10:1). “A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her who bore him” (Proverbs 17:25). Wilson rightly states, “The son who causes shame is one who causes shame to his parents. The shame is theirs because the responsibility to teach…was theirs” (Wilson, p. 59). While this is true, the fear of personal shame or harm to a child should not motivate a parent to simply make the choices for him or her (this is not even completely possible as a child gets older). Parents must train children to make wise choices themselves. Paul Tripp provides an excellent statement of a parent’s true goal:

The choice of companions is a very serious matter, but it is also a place where we surrender control to a maturing child. The goal of parenting is not to retain tight-fisted control over our children in an attempt to guarantee their safety and our sanity. Only God is able to exercise that kind of control. The goal is to be used of him to instill in our children an ever-maturing self-control through principles of the Word and to allow them to exercise ever-widening circles of choice, control, and independence (Paul David Tripp, Age of Opportunity, p. 37-38).

That being said, Tripp also acknowledges that it is a parent’s responsibility to teach their children to use biblical principles in the choosing of their friends. When a parent fails to teach these principles adequately, the consequences of their child’s unwise choices will bring grief and shame to both parent and child.

Those three reasons for training children to choose friends wisely should be motivation enough for any parent. Unfortunately, even well-motivated and well-instructed parents can be hindered in their pursuit to do right. In order to help parents be even more equipped for the task we will consider some hindrances to this proper training and instruction.

Factors that Hinder Training Children to Choose Friends Wisely

Parents should consider and plan for those factors that may hinder the faithful pursuit of training children to choose friends wisely. While it would be beyond the main purpose of this article to elaborate on them, four particular hindrances bear brief mention. These must be understood and steps should be taken to overcome the obstacles they create.

One factor hindering proper training in this area is the increasing social acceptance of childhood rebellion, and teenage rebellion in particular.

Many parents have been duped into thinking that their children will inevitably rebel and that nothing can be done to stop it. This causes hopelessness and lack of action. The modern use of the term “adolescence” (a twentieth century creation) has certainly added fuel to this fire. Christian parents must not let this term or its corollaries prevent them from diligently teaching their children biblical principles and holding them accountable to God’s Word.

A second factor to be mentioned here is the role of time and influence in the lives of children attending public or private schools.

A child who attends school seven to eight hours a day–much of that time without the direct oversight and accountability of mature adults–will inevitably be influenced by their peers, for better or for worse. Parents who choose institutional options for educating their children must be prepared to expend the time and effort necessary to adequately overcome these competing influences.

Another factor hindering proper training in this area is that many parents spend very little time with their children even when they DO have the opportunity.

Proper training of children happens in the context of real life. Deuteronomy tells us it should be happening “when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Most families today do not sit down, take walks, lie down or rise up together. School, sports, music lessons, ministry, and a whole host of activities consume so much time that many parents neglect their duties. Parents must plan and prioritize family activities so that their biblical responsibilities can be fulfilled.

The final factor to be mentioned relates to a parent’s attitude and approach.

Tripp warns, “We need to approach these conversations with sensitivity and love…It is critically important that we as parents avoid undermining our influence with our children by the unwise labeling of their friends, by unwarranted accusations, judgments of motives, and assumptions about the nature and level of influence of the friendship” (Tripp, p. 84-85). Early training in the principles we will outline below will help alleviate some of this concern. However, as these principles are communicated parents must be gracious, kind, cautious and respectful, particularly with older children.

We have investigated the general reasons why parents must instruct their children to choose friends wisely. We have gained a cursory understanding of the hindrances to this training and instruction. Now let us examine the particular principles that parents must instill in children so that they will learn to choose friends wisely.

How to Train Children to Choose Friends Wisely

How then, are parents to train their children to choose their friends wisely? We will first outline some preliminary instruction for children. Then we will outline the specific character traits Scripture encourages us to look for during the process of choosing friends.

Preliminary Matters of Instruction

First, parents must caution and help children avoid pride and self-righteousness. They must be trained to not have a proud and judgmental spirit toward other children. While they must learn to be wise and discerning in their choice of companions, this does not justify “thinking of themselves more highly than they ought” (Romans 12:3). Parents should be watchful and on guard to detect these attitudes in their child.

Secondly, as parents discuss the biblical principles concerning the choosing of friends they must first help their child understand that it is by the words, attitudes and actions of others that we are able to discern whether they will be loyal and faithful friends. Proverbs states, “It is by his deeds that a lad distinguishes himself, If his conduct is pure and right” (Proverbs 20:11; the NIV reads, “a child is known by his actions”). Jesus also taught that, “Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders” (Matthew 15:19). It is by words, attitudes and actions that a parent or a child can discern who will be a faithful friend who will honor God in their friendships.

Third, as parents teach these principles they must emphasize that, in order to be a God-honoring friend and companion, the child must also be exhibiting these character traits (or avoiding them as the case may be). The truth must be applied to their own heart first.

And finally, both parents and children should be careful not to assume that these principles mean we cannot or should not be friends with any unbelievers. The Apostle Paul says, “Let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Galatians 6:10). This admonishment assumes that we will have associates outside the family of God. Wilson provides us with a balanced perspective when he states:

All this does not necessarily mean that every friend must be a Christian…The apostle Paul…assumed that Christians at Corinth might get invited to dinner parties thrown by pagans (1 Cor. 10:27). But this needs to be carefully watched, to ensure that the son is not getting into a situation beyond his capacity to handle. The standard situation should be one of godly friends, for all the obvious reasons (Wilson, p. 120).

Having noted a few preliminary considerations we will now turn to the specific principles parents can teach children in order to equip them to choose friends wisely.

Specific Principles to Use in Choosing Friends Wisely

We will examine three categories of principles to be understood and applied discerningly: patterns of speech, attitudes and behaviors.

1. Patterns of Speech

Is the person a slanderer? The Bible clearly teaches that slanderers make bad friends. “A slanderer separates intimate friends” (Proverbs 16:28b; cf. Proverbs 17:9; 20:19). Parents should teach children to be wary of those who are willing to speak poorly about others. If they show it to be a pattern toward others, it is likely that your child will be the victim of slanderous words eventually as well. This would not only be hurtful, but could also tarnish their reputation and testimony.

Is the person a flatterer? Another common practice of those who would prove to be an unfaithful friend is flattery. “A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps” (Proverbs 29:5). We are not talking about gracious compliments or encouragement. We are referring to false flattery or manipulative compliments intended eventually to serve selfish purposes. “Deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6). This practice of flattery is really a form of deception, which brings us to our third principle of speech.

Is the person honest? God does not show favor to the deceitful. Those who prove to be deceitful with others will likely deceive you as well, often under the guise of “joking.” Proverbs warns, “Like a madman who throws Firebrands, arrows and death, So is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, ‘Was I not joking?’” (Proverbs 26:18-19). In contrast, friends tell the truth, and do not withhold information (see John 15:15).

Is the person gracious? Rather than befriending the slanderous, flattering or deceitful person, children should be trained to recognize and befriend those characterized by gracious speech. “He who loves purity of heart, And whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend” (Proverbs 22:11). A friend should be gracious, even when they admonish. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6).

2. Patterns in Attitudes

Speech patterns are easy to identify because they are always verbal. Related to this are characteristic attitudes of the heart, many of which are detected by the words and actions. An attitude is a pattern of thinking formed over a long period of time. While they are often expressed through words and actions, it is not always the words and actions themselves that are sinful, but the way in which they are expressed or the reasons why they are expressed. We shall briefly examine three such attitudes.

Is the person characteristically angry? We have already seen the dangers of being the companion of an angry man (Proverbs 22:24-25). Young people should be warned to avoid them, not only to escape learning their ways, but also so they do not get hurt by them.

Is the person characteristically materialistic? A materialistic heart will express itself in many ways. A common way with children is the friend who seems overly interested in borrowing or using your property (with children it may be toys, bikes, etc.). They will often get angry or abandon you if they cannot have their way. It may become apparent if they are caught stealing something that belongs to your child. Your child may become aware that they have stolen things from others, or taken advantage of someone else. They child should be warned that this person will make a bad friend, and that they will likely be “next” on his list of victims.

Is the person characteristically lustful? Lust expresses itself through selfishness, gluttony, or sexually immoral behavior (which in very young people begins with crass and crude talk). Children should be warned that this is displeasing to God and is to be exposed as such. Children should be warned to not be partakers with these children. They must not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them (Ephesians 5:11). Even young children should be showing a growing ability to deny selfish lusts and consider others more important than themselves.

3. Patterns of Behavior

Is the person immoral? The lustful attitude mentioned in the last point will often express itself in immoral behavior. God clearly warns that Christians should not be “partakers” with the “sons of disobedience.” Other passages are very clear as well. Each can be studied and applied to the specific individuals and relationships in question. In addition to these more didactic passages, a multitude of examples can be compiled from the narratives of the Old Testament, many of which are couched in specific language for the Israelites not to associate with people from the immoral, godless nations around them.

Is the person faithful and loyal? Faithfulness is a quality of a true friend. “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17; cf. Proverbs 18:24). True friends are loyal, encourage, guide, help, and strengthen others. These are all qualities that children need to be taught to recognize and seek out. Friends who forsake others in their time of need are not faithful and loyal. No one would wish to have friends who abandon others when the going gets tough, or who treat people with disdain if they suffer misfortune (consider Job’s so-called friends; Job 6:14). Unfortunately, it may be difficult to measure a person’s faithfulness until there is a mutual experience of misfortune. However, even with very young children unfaithfulness can be identified. Are they willing to “play favorites,” be “back-stabbers,” and ignore or make fun when their “other friends” are around. Children should be taught that, in general, these so-called friends should be avoided.

Is the person mean? In some ways, this is a general way to state a combination of many of the factors above. However, it is a characteristic that manifests itself in particular ways, even in young children. God warned that the rulers of the Israelites had become companions of thieves, that they were willing to take bribes, and had become oppressive of the widows and the orphans (Isaiah 1:23). In young children this attitude manifests itself as the neighborhood bully who picks on those unable to defend himself or herself. It may also be the young child who always “picks the teams” so that they win (a desire to rule, oppress or be the victor). Or perhaps it will be the child who always changes the rules when someone with “less ability” is about to win. A child who must always have it their way will not make a good companion for others. An excellent passage for study about avoiding the enticement and friendship of the oppressor is Proverbs 1:10-19.

Conclusion

Children must be trained in the choosing of companions. Left to themselves they will only yield to the foolishness that is bound up in their heart and be enticed by those who would lead them astray (Proverbs 12:26; 13:20; 22:15). Parents must faithfully fulfill their God-given responsibility to train up their children in the way of wisdom so that they will not be enticed by the wicked, but be companions of the righteous (Proverbs 1:1-10). As outlined above, parents must understand the reasons why this training is so important, they must prepare to overcome the hindrances to this proper training, and they must faithfully instruct their children in the proper understanding and application of the biblical principles given to us so that they might choose their friends wisely.

In this review, I’ll provide a short summary and what I think are strengths and weaknesses of the book.

Summary
Chapter one. As he explains the necessity of Christ’s atonement. Sproul says, “The prevailing notion of justification in Western culture today is justification by death. It’s assumed that all one has to do to be received into the everlasting arms of God is to die.” Most people don’t think the atonement is necessary, but it is. Why?

Chapter two. Because God is just. “Though God pardons sinners and makes great provision for expressing His mercy, He will never negotiate His justice.” Sproul explains the justice of God through the account of God’s judgment on Sodom and Gomorrah.

God couldn’t find ten righteous people among the inhabitants of the these cities. As a result, God’s judgment fell. It fell not because God was cruel, harsh, or lacking in love. It happened because God is just and righteous…Not only were there ten righteous in Sodom, there are not ten in all the world.

The Judge of all the earth must do right. Therefore, He must punish sinners - or provide a way to atone for their sin.

Chapter three. The atonement is necessary also because “We are cosmic traitors.” We are sinners, or “Debtors, Enemies, and Criminals,”, and so we need Christ to be our Surety, Mediator, and Substitute.

Chapter four. The atonement is necessary, and so Christ gave His live as a ransom for many.

When the Bible speaks of ransom, it speaks of that ransom being paid not to a criminal but to the One Who is owed the price for redemption, the One Who is the offended party in the whole complex of sin - the Father.

Chapter five. Christ ransomed us by becoming our Substitute. Christ took away our guilt through the payment of our penalty (expiation), and He appeased the wrath of God (propitiation) so that God’s anger is turned away from us.

Chapter six. To be our Substitute, Christ had to be “made like His brethren.” As the God-man, Jesus both died for us and lived for us. Our sins were transferred to Him, but that’s not all. “If all that happened was the single transfer of our sins to Jesus, we would not be justified.” Sproul explains, “We must see that the righteousness of Christ that is transferred to us is the righteousness He achieved by living under the Law for thirty-three years without sinning.”

Chapter seven. In taking our sin upon Himself, Christ fulfilled all the OT prophecies of the Suffering Servant. “On the cross, God’s wrath was poured out on Christ. God did strike Him, smite Him, and afflict Him - but not for any evil in Christ.”

Chapter eight. On the cross, Christ became a curse for us.

…thousands of people have died on crosses, and others have had even more painful, excruciating deaths than that. But only One received the full measure of the curse of God while on the cross. Because of that, I wonder whether Jesus was even aware of the nails and the thorns.

Chapter nine. God sent Christ to die for the elect. “It was never God’s intention to save everybody.”

…the atonement Christ made on the cross was real and effectual. It wasn’t just a hypothetical atonement. It was an actual atonement. He didn’t offer a hypothetical expiation for the sins of His people; their sins were expiated. He didn’t give a hypothetical propitiation for our sins; He actually placated God’s wrath toward us.

Chapter ten. Sproul answers frequently asked questions like, “What is the significance of the shedding of blood in the atonement?” and “Is it accurate to say that God died on the cross.”

Strengths
This is a wonderful presentation of the gospel. It is helpful for both unbelievers and believers. Even those who have been saved for quite some time will undoubtedly have their understanding of the gospel expanded. Sproul’s illustrations are interesting and effective. He makes full use of the the OT and NT. He anticipates objections and provides adequate answers.

Weaknesses
Though I agree with Sproul’s chapter on Limited Atonement (or, Particular Redemption), I am not fully satisfied with the presentation of it. It seems like it needs to be tied in with the rest of the book more. Also, I wish he had provided more scriptural support. The chapters seems to indicate it is not much more than a logical deduction from the other four points of Calvinism.

I wish Sproul didn’t use as much Latin. He explains all the Latin terms, but I don’t see the value in bringing up the Latin in the first place.

Conclusion
I like the book. There are a lot of books on the atonement. This one makes a valuable contribution, I think. If you can get it for $9 or less, buy it and read it.

Regarding the interchange of the beloved and lover in Song of Solomon 3, there is a compelling example of how husbands and wives ought to mutually desire and enjoy sexual pleasure in marriage. It is an Old Testament example of the principles Paul taught in First Corinthians 7.

Carson wrote: “one thing abundantly clear is that the language of love is the language of mutual praise and mutual invitation. Anything less will stifle love. If the language of praise and invitation operates only one way, for instance, it will tire in time or leave the speaker feeling servile or perhaps desperate. If the language of love is the language of praise but not of invitation, it may never breed intimacy–a good relationship but not good sex; if it is the language of invitation but not of praise, it may degenerate into mutual gratification but not mutual edification–good sex but not a good relationship.”

Carson continues: “Many of us who are married and who reflect on the language of Song of Songs are slightly embarrassed at its sensual abandon. But that may say more about who we are than about what God wants us to be. Like everything else that God made good, marriage and sex and intimacy can be trivialized and sensationalized and brutalized. But God made them good. Believers are bound, so far as their transformed natures can take them this side of the new heavens and the new earth, to display God’s goodness in every arena to which he calls us. We who are married ought, intentionally, to develop the language of mutual praise and invitation.”

First Corinthians 7:2-5 speaks with a similar emphasis on the mutual attraction, enjoyment, and ministry within marriage. I pray that Christians do not forget or neglect applying these truths. Such truth is also valuable to share as antidote to the enslaving, unsatisfying unbiblical ideas in our sex-crazed culture. May God help us to experience all that He has for us, for His glory and our pleasure.

Unfortunately, many Christians have a distorted understanding of Spirit-baptism because their understanding of Spirit-baptism has been shaped more by their own experiences and the supposed experiences of others than by the Scriptures. While other Christians don’t have a distorted understanding of Spirit-baptism, they simply don’t have any understanding of Spirit-baptism.

The Apostle Paul - if he were alive today - would be grieved by the misunderstanding and lack of understanding of Spirit-baptism by so many Christians today.

So, what is Spirit-baptism and what difference does it make? Let’s take a loo