I have one. And it makes me sad.

CafeMoms have posted about ending toxic friendships and asked advice on how best to do it.

I've known this friend since before I even had my first period -- yes, a long long time. And we've both grown up over the years, but also have grown very much apart.

Yet we have that bond and it's sad to think of all ties being cut.

Maybe I'm just hopeful something will change, but it probably won't.

I can't talk about specific instances here for fear she will read this, but it's bad -- absolutely toxic, hurtful, and selfish stuff.

Do you have toxic friends? How have you dealt with it?

Is dating another person prior to a legal divorce adultery?

One view is that when a spouse cheats or otherwise withdraws from the relationship, he or she has broken the covenent and it's no longer binding. About three-quarters of moms in The Cafe discussion agree.

Another is that you are legally married on paper until a court dissolves it, so any relationship with another person is technically adultery.

Now let's hear what you say ...

See this poll at CafeMom.

See this video at CafeMom.

It's no secret that moms have a difficult time trying to find time to get their exercise in. That's why this exercise is so great because it teaches you how to take the time you're spending with your baby and turn it into a workout session.

This move works your core, quads and hamstrings.

• Hold handlebar with feet shoulder with apart
• Bend down and come back up
• Do three sets of ten

Be sure you go far enough down where you feel the burn but not so much that you lose your balance.

Do you exercise during your daily routine? If so, what kinds of exercises do you do?

Mosquitoes will bite anything!

I usually get bit by mosquitoes...a lot. But the other day I was having lunch with my friend who must have gotten bit seven times all over her legs as we sat in the outdoor area of a restaurant. I didn't get bit once. Maybe she is sweeter.

I felt so bad -- her wedding is on Friday and she is wearing a short dress!

If you and your family have been scratching at those pesky bites, you know mosquito season is here.

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has important information on controlling mosquitoes and also West Nile Virus.

The Environmental Protection Agency also has some useful tips on how to use insect repellents safely on your family and pets. Also check out some more thoughts on how to prevent bug bites.

According to the CDC, the top four things you can do to prevent mosquito infestation is:

•     Use mosquito repellent
•     Eliminate standing water where mosquitoes can lay eggs
•     Install or repair window and door screens
•     Support community-based mosquito control programs

I'm itchy just thinking about this.

What's your plan to combat mosquitoes?

That's exactly the idea behind The Shape of a Mother, a web site showcasing photos that real mothers have sent in of their bellies, boobs, bums, legs and other body parts that have changed since pregnancy. Moms who submit photos also include testimonials detailing the ups and downs they've had with respect to their body image.

It's easy to feel bad about ourselves when we see images of perfect, airbrushed bodies everywhere we turn.

To counteract the negative effects these types of media have on women's self-esteem, The Shape of a Mother aims to help mothers feel beautiful by celebrating the bodies that created and nourished their children.

Trust me, this is powerful stuff. I encourage you to visit the site (except maybe not at work since some of the photos are revealing).

Are you at peace with how your body changed post-pregnancy?

Drivers running red lights, near miss T-bones, rear-ending, swerving into lanes. Reckless drivers nearly crashing into innocent people who were driving safely and obeying the traffic laws.

I really used to think it was just me who encountered these crazies on a daily basis. Now I know they are everywhere. And to the mom who commented that Florida drivers are the worst, I beg to differ. New York drivers, any day of the week.

See this poll at CafeMom.

martinsmom2008

There are lots of discussions around CafeMom about whether it's better to have a male or female OBGYN or professional treat you in matters of reproductive health and childbirth.

Here are just a few:

Male or female doctors?

Which sex is better?

Many moms say they prefer midwives because of the more natural approach and because they can relate better to what they are going through. From the gist of these conversations, the midwives these moms are talking about are women.

So here's another question ... would you use a male midwife?

They do exist. You can Google it. You'll find a few blogs from guys who say they feel discriminated against, both by others in their profession and patients, for being a man. "Midwife," by the way, translates to "with woman," so it's still the correct term regardless of the practitioner's gender.

See this poll at CafeMom.

If you use a midwife, is it partly because of her gender? What would be the difference if that person was a man?

No one is going to know what turns you on unless you tell them. And sometimes you have to show them exactly how to do it.

So how can you give directions in bed without making it feel like you are being demanding? Here's how....

The key in giving directions in bed is to not make it feel like you are giving directions.

What? OK, check this out...

Instead of saying "do this" or "I want you to do it like this instead" during sex (which may make your partner feel like he isn't doing something right), talk about it before you get frisky.

For example, say something like this: I was reading this article about oral sex and it said that while you are licking my clitoris, if you use your fingers in a come hither motion you can stimulate my G-spot and it's supposed to feel really good. Want to try it?

Of course you can tailor that statement to whatever it is you want to try in bed. You can say you saw it on a TV show, read it in a book, or came across a thread where one of the CafeMoms were talking about it.

Do you have any other clever ways to give direction in bed? Share!

Photo from Tylenol

Last week, a federal advisory committee raised concerns about acetaminophen and liver damage, and recommended that the FDA ban Vicodin and Percocet. So does this mean you've got to stop taking Tylenol or other painkillers that contain acetaminophen?

No. You can still take Tylenol and not worry about liver damage, according to some experts.

1. When used as directed, the drug is not hazardous. Acetaminophen is in so many products it's easy to take more than the recommended daily allowance. Thus, experts recommend that patients be vigilant about reading labels to keep track of how much they are ingesting.

2. There's no need to worry about long-term liver damage if you use the drugs as directed. If you’ve been taking Tylenol or other drugs with acetaminophen for years, there is no reason to worry about long-term liver damage as long as you are using them as directed. The risks associated with an acetaminophen overdose is acute or immediate liver failure.

3. There's no need to switch to other over-the-counter pain relievers. Every drug has risks, but overall the risk of acetaminophen is low. (More people are harmed by aspirin and ibuprofen.)

How often do you take acetaminophen? How much do you take? Do you think you'll change the way you use it based on the FDA advisory board's recommendations?

Photo by YoMama2005

Now that's a happy family!

I was talking to a couple of my friends and we all seem to be feeling a little sad lately. Not over any one thing in particular, but we're in need of a pick me up. We planned a ladies dinner to help get us get out of our funk.

Real Simple magazine writer Gretchen Rubin also has some great tips on 9 things you can do to be happy in the next 30 minutes. Ooh a quicker fix without a dinner tab? What say you, Real Simple?

1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you're on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better...
2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.
3. Reach out. Send an email to a friend you haven't seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. (Hmm...time to make new CafeMom friends!)
   
4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a rush of elation.
5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time organizing bills and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.
6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by email, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. (Give your two cents in the DailyBuzz!)
   
7. Save someone's life. Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. Do good, feel good -- it really works!
8. Act happy. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you're smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable. (I'm skeptical on this one.)
   
9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need to" learn about.

By working to boost your own happiness, you're making other people happier, too.

Which one of these things have you done (or are going to do today)?

According to The Conscious Consumer blog, the following green advertising claims found on countless products are vague, meaningless, and often misleading:

• Natural
• Hypoallergenic
• Nontoxic
• Fragrance-free or unscented
• Free range
• Hormone-free
• Antibiotic-free
• Eco-friendly, environmentally preferable, or eco-safe
• Green

Instead, it is recommended that you look for specific claims such as:

• Made from post-consumer recycled paper
• Formaldehyde-free
• No additives
• No animal byproducts
• No parabens
• Phosphate-free

For expert evaluation on what the labels mean on your favorite food, wood, personal, and cleaning products, check out Consumer Reports' Greener Choices Eco-labels Center.

Do you have any tips for determining which labels you can or can't trust?

Wait! What about the old bit about refraining from intercourse a few days before ovulation to increase the volume of sperm?

That advice is heading out the window, according to a couple of doctors from an Australian fertility clinic.

The lead study author there is advising his TTC patients with normal sperm parameters to get down and dirty every day for a week before ovulation.

They think refraining from sex and stockpiling the sperm now exposes it to dangerous molecules in the testicles. But, frankly, who cares why they're telling you to have sex. They're telling you to have sex!

Get to it!

Will this news make you have more than usual?

Photo by geminisummerz

From the Stay at Home Moms, some of the nice things moms have done for their significant others today:

-- My husband came home from work with a sick stomach, so I mowed the lawn for him.

-- I walked him to the door in the morning, told him I love him, and have a safe ride to work.

-- I took time out of my busy day to call and arrange for his car payment.

-- I put together the magazine rack that HE bought me for Mother's Day.

-- Made him his favorite cookies.

-- Made his favorite dinner: salmon, scalloped potatoes, and baked mac and cheese. Plus I ironed all his Polos.

--I got up at 4 a.m. to make his lunch, and I kissed his stinky self as soon as he got home.

What special or loving gesture did you do for your spouse today? Every day?

Photo from Amazon

Not that you need a reason (other than that it's fun) to have sex, but if you do, here are some ways that sex helps make you healthier according to Women's Health Magazine.

1.Sex works wonders for stress relief

2. Good sex makes you more confident. If you're pleasing your partner you'll feel more powerful in other areas of your life.

3. Regular romps make you happier. In fact, research shows sex makes people happier than having money does.

4. Sex makes you skinny. A thirty minute roll in the hay burns 300 calories.

5. Sex keeps you young. David Weeks, M.D., author of Secrets of the Superyoung, says that an active sex life slows the aging process.

6. Sex can help trigger labor.

Click here for more of the health benefits of having sex.

What's your number-one reason for having sex?

The recommended daily amounts of calcium (in milligrams) are as follows:

• 1 to 3 years old: 500 mg/day (or about 1 servings of food high in calcium)
• 4 to 8 years old: 800 mg/day (about 1.5 servings)
• 9 to 18 years: 1,300 mg/day (about 4 servings)
• 19 to 50 years: 1,000 to 1200 mg/day (about 3-4 servings)
• 51 and over: 1,200 to 1500 mg/day (about 4 servings)

Calcium is, of course, found in dairy products like milk, yogurt, and cheese. Other foods rich in calcium include beans, oats, calcium-fortified orange juice, leafy greens (broccoli, spinach, kale, collards), as well as some soy milks and tofu.

Also note that Vitamin D should be a part of any healthy diet and lifestyle because it helps to absorb calcium. You can get Vitamin D from supplements and dairy products plus 10 minutes of sunlight per day. Recommended daily dose of Vitamin D is 1,000IUs.

Is your family getting enough calcium each day?

But good news...Whole Living says if you marinate meat with herbs rich in antioxidants before it goes on the BBQ, you can reduce the chances of potentially harmful chemicals called heterocyclic amines or HCAs from forming. HCAs can cause cancer.

So what herbs are best?

Rosemary, thyme, sage, and oregano.

If you are pregnant, check out this article on how to survive the BBQ. There are suggestions on how you can cook meat in the oven, then transfer to BBQ at the end for taste.

Happy (and safe) grilling this 4th of July!

See this video at CafeMom.

I have been lifting dumbells for weeks now and am not really seeing results. Frustrated, I began searching for a workout that will tone my upper arms (and actually work).

I didn't have to look any further than fitness website ExerciseTV. Cindy Whitmarsh, who is an ExerciseTV expert, nutritionist, trainer, and mom of two, gave me some info for this week's move, the Sexy Arm Zapper.

How does this move benefit your body?
The Sexy Arm Zapper will help firm up the back of your arms (you know when you wave and they keep waving?), define your shoulders, sculpt your ab muscles and tighten your lower body in one exercise! 

How many reps/sets should you do and how many times a week should you do it?
I recommend doing three sets of 10-20 reps every other day for best results!

Which muscles does this exercise move work?
I love this move because it is a multifunctional exercise! The main focus is your triceps (the back of your arm) but it also works your oblique ab muscles, your shoulders, and lower body.

How long does it take to see results?
As long as your diet is on track you should be able to see results in two weeks! Make sure you drink at least 60 ounces of water a day along with a moderate diet and you should be on your way to a sexy upper body in no time! 

What is the difficulty level for this move?
I would say this exercise is moderate level. You could make it more beginner by just doing the dips without the cross punch. 

And just FYI, I've noticed that if I go out and am wearing something that shows off my arms, a quick arm workout like this will make them look more toned. And with summer in full swing, this definitely comes in handy.

Will you try this workout?  

Photo from Drugstore.com

The drug found in Tylenol, Nyquil, and Excedrin -- acetaminophen -- is being carefully reviewed by the FDA and their advisory panel announced that the maximum daily dose should be reduced to avoid liver damage.

The current maximum dose is eight pills (or 4,000 milligrams). The FDA would like to reduce it to 2,600 milligrams as reported in The Philadelphia Inquirer.

The FDA notes that there are many over-the-counter drugs that contain acetaminophen and when combined or the dosage is high the results can be harmful over time.

Along with this change, the FDA also wants to ban on Percocet and Vicodin as reported in The New York Times. Percocet and Vicodin contain acetaminophen along with a narcotic for pain relief.

I'm sure more information will be coming out about this potential change and I'm going to be all ears.

What do you think of the suggestions by the FDA? Are you concerned?

Photo by dstny157

There's lots of opportunities to be healthy in the summer now that so many fresh fruits and veggies are in season. Then again, there's also lots of temptation with beer, burgers, ice cream, and other summer treats everywhere we turn. Are we healthier in the summer? Glamour Magazine weighs the pros and cons...

Glamour's 5 Reasons You're Healthier in the Summer:

1. Studies show people have higher levels of the feel-good chemical serotonin in the summer. This could mean that we are happier in the summer.
2. People tend to take better care of themselves in the summer—eating right, exercising—because of the pressure to look good while wearing less clothing (shorts, tank tops, bathing suits, etc.).
3. There's a lower risk of catching the flu in the summer.
4. More sun exposure in the summer helps you to absorb Vitamin D, which can prevent certain kinds of cancer, heart disease and diabetes.
5. Healthy fresh produce is more available in the summer.

Glamour's 3 Reasons You're NOT Healthier in the Summer:

1. The chance of catching a bacterial infection increases 17 percent with every 10-degree climb in seasonal temperature.
2. There's a higher risk of sunburn and skin cancer in the summer.
3. Backyard barbecues and block parties can mean more temptation to eat unhealthy foods like burgers, beer, ice cream, etc.

What do you think? Are you healthier in the summer?

Another user actually texted a picture that was meant for hubby's eyes only.

One mom was texting her sister about a friend she was annoyed with. You can see where this is going ... she sent her rant to the friend in question by mistake!

OOOPS!

Many of us text more than we email these days, so it's no wonder you're hearing more stories of texters sending messages to the wrong person.

What's your worst texting story? Who got your message by mistake, and did it ruin your relationship with them?

Photo by 920Wendy

I'm not talking about softball. Nef8eria asked the moms in Marriage and Relationships to take a good hard look at themselves and consider the family member, friend, ex, child, or co-worker they compete against the most in their lives.

"For me, it's my in-laws, particularly my sister-in-law and mother-in-law, as well as his nieces," Nef8eria says. "My husband always puts me in a position to feel bad if I'm not doing things the way they are doing them. So in order to keep him off my shoulders, I try to comply (rolling eyes)."

Competing against in-laws is big. So are mothers, twin sisters, girlfriends, step-children and cars LOL!

Bully for the moms who say they don't compete against anyone, like shell1m:

"Everyone is good at different things, and quite frankly it's sooo draining to try and compete with people. It causes strain on families. I like who I am, and it took me a LONG time to be able to say that. So I just enjoy my husband and kids and try not to get too aggravated with my family."

Who do you compete with in your life? Tell me why ..

Photo from Amazon

The Kama Sutra offers up many sex positions known for deep intimacy (and often deep penetration), but there is one element often mentioned in this sex bible that doesn't sound sexual at all that is key in reaching orgasm. And that's breathing.

Tantra also focuses on breathing and it turns out, the strength or even the ability to orgasm is related to your breath as well.

If you breathe in and hold your breath before orgasm, your climax can be reduced or not felt at all. It minimizes sensation.

Instead, breathing out, a deep exhale, can increase sensation as you are nearing climax. Some even say that breathing out paired with a moan or noise helps them orgasm deeper.

Having trouble reaching climax? Deep breathing during sex can help build an orgasm as well.

If your breathing pattern during sex isn't ideal, it's going to take time a patience to get it right. Some say 45 minutes and a patient partner. You can also try it alone, during masturbation, practicing your ideal breathing pattern while you build to your climax.

For more detailed information, check out the book Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson.

Have you practiced different breathing techniques to increase your sensation of orgasm?

Photo from Better World Books

There are a lot of old wives' tales about your health. Which should you believe? Two doctors—Aaron E. Carroll, M.D. and Rachel C. Vreeman, M.D.—have answered that question in their new book Don't Swallow Your Gum! Myths, Half-Truths, and Outright Lies About Your Body and Health.

I haven't seen the book yet, but it sounds like a lot of fun. Tara Parker-Pope addressed eleven health myths in her blog Well. Based on that, I've put together this little quiz.

Answer True or False:

1. Cold weather makes you sick.

2. Green mucus indicates a sinus infection.

3. You lose most of your heat through your head.

4. Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis.

5. Milk makes you phlegmy.

6. Birth control pills don't work as well when you're on antibiotics.

7. Single people have better sex lives than married people.

8. Sugar makes kids hyper.

9. It's okay to double dip in the chip dip.

10. Food quickly picked up off the floor is safe to eat.

11. You should poop at least once a day.

If you answered False to all of these statements, you are correct! All of them are medical myths that many of us believe, but aren't true. Repeat after me: Sugar does not make kids hyper.

For the explanations, click here.

How did you score?

My sister, mom, and me

My mom and I talk about everything -- just about everything. But I realized I need to ask her more about her health history as well as my family health history.

Health magazine points out the importance of knowing things about mom so it can lower your risks for certain issues and also help you know important information that would be good to share with your doctors. Here are the top 4 questions to ask:

1.  When did you enter perimenopause and/or menopause?

     Why it's good to know: If your mom suffered hot flashes, it may be a signal to you to make changes in your 30s and 40s to lessen your risk. Note: It doesn't mean you will have the same experience as your mom -- these are all preventative measures. Changes could be cutting back on caffeine, adding exercise and stress-reduction techniques into your routine, and increasing soy in your diet. 

2.  Did you have trouble getting pregnant?

     Why it's good to know: If your mom had a hard time conceiving, it doesn't mean you will, but your risks may be higher, particularly with egg production or endometriosis. It good to know so you can get tested early on.

3.  Did you have preeclampsia?

    Why it's good to know: Preeclampsia is a condition some pregnant women have and it can lead to early birth and other ailments. If your mom had it, you are at a higher risk for it. Your OBGYN should know if preeclampsia runs in your family -- she may want to monitor you more closely when pregnant and you can help prevent by easing off sugary and salty foods.

4.  Do we have a family history of any disease?

    Why it's good to know: Dr. Pinkerton, a doctor quoted for this Health story, noted that it's important to know both your parents' health histories, "but the links to these diseases are often stronger on the maternal side for a daughter." Knowing helps you lower risk by modifying diet, building bone density, or other preventative measures depending on what your history entails.

Visit Health to read more.

Do you know enough about your family's health history?

According to Women's Health, here are some easy things you can do each day to boost your metabolic rate:

• Eat breakfast every morning. Skipping breakfast can cause your metabolism to slow to conserve energy until lunch.
• Drink coffee, which increases your heart rate and breathing. A recent study showed that the average metabolic rate of people who drank caffeinated coffee increased 16 percent over that of those who drank decaf.
• Drink cold water. "Cold" is key here because the body burns a few calories heating the cold water to your core temperature.
• Drink green tea. This drink contains a plant compound called ECGC, which promotes fat burning.
• Load up on lean protein like low-fat cottage cheese or chicken or sliced turkey breast. Protein helps to build muscle, which burns calories faster than fat.
• Include dairy in your diet. Calcium from low-fat yogurt, milk, and cheese helps your body metabolize fat more efficiently.
• Add spice to your meal. Chiles and red pepper flakes can boost metabolism.
• Reduce alcohol intake. Just two drinks can slow fat burning by 73 percent.
• Get at least 8 hours of sleep.

Is your metabolism fast or slow?