The Stir By CafeMom: Baby

Baby Booties Made From Donated Breast Milk Are Just Plain Gross

Fri, 17 May 2013 17:02:00 EDT

Post by Mary Fischer

Not sure what to do with your unwanted bodily fluids? Then you have to hear this idea. Why not go ahead and design a pair of baby booties made from breast milk in lieu of dumping it out in the sink?

Yes, someone really did this. British designers Nick Gant and Tayna Dean took the protein from breast milk that had been donated and turned it into a tiny pair of white, hardened baby booties.

Why on earth would they do something like that, you ask? Well, they did it to support World Breast Milk Donation Day.

Gant explains, "Turning waste material like breast milk which couldn’t otherwise be used, but which is embedded with meaning and personal history, into something new, gives the products created greater meaning and value. The aim is to highlight the importance of breast milk donation, and more broadly to challenge people’s perceptions about so-called waste products."

Wait a minute. If the goal is to raise awareness about breast milk donation, then why didn't they make sure the milk that was donated to make the booties went to a baby in need instead of turning it into a borderline-creepy personal keepsake?

Yes, it IS creepy. And weird. And pretty gross too. A few weeks ago, when reports came out about people turning breast milk into jewelry -- I thought that was, well, odd. But since the moms wearing the jewelry had it made from their own milk, I guess I could sort of see the significance in it. But using donated breast milk to make fake booties? I'm sorry, but I really don't get it.

Sure, it's a nice gesture and it's great that they believe in this cause and want to support it. But there has to be a better way than using someone's bodily fluids as a means of encouraging others to donate their own milk.

The couple plans on giving the booties to a donor on World Breast Milk Donation Day. And I guess we can only hope they're going back to the woman who donated the milk to make them in the first place. I mean, I know I wouldn't want someone else's breast milk sitting on a shelf in my living room -- would you?

Do you think these booties are weird or sweet?

Image via normannack/Flickr

Hiring a Wet Nurse to Breastfeed Baby Is Too Bizarre for Me

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:28:00 EDT

Post by Nicole Fabian-Weber

So, apparently wet nurses are on the rise. For those of you unaware of what a wet nurse does, here's a quick job description: They're a person who breastfeeds your baby. Obviously, wet nurses, like anything related to breastfeeding and parenting, are controversial. And every person, depending on their experiences, varies on how they feel about them. But as for me? I could never do it.

Some women, sadly, have trouble nursing. I know this. And these moms want to give their sweet babes the absolute best nutrition. They don't want to resort to the "dreaded" formula. But, I don't know, I would just find it strange and uncomfortable, seeing my own child suckling at another woman's breast. Pumped breast milk is one thing, I suppose. But full-on nursing? That's just too weird for me.

I certainly don't think that moms who breastfeed have any stronger of a bond over moms who don't -- all mothers have strong bonds with their children. I feel just as strong a bond with my daughter giving her a bottle now as I did when I was nursing. But when you're nursing -- and nursing only -- you're both a source of food and comfort to the child. There would likely be many times in which your child would prefer to another person to you. It would feel a bit odd to witness something like that after being pregnant for nine months and giving birth.

Every parent wants what's best for the child. Of course. And some moms simply cannot bear to not give their child breast milk -- I totally respect that. But wouldn't it make a little more sense to simply have pumped breast milk out of a bottle for the baby instead of hiring someone to do the actual nursing for you? If we've heard it once, we've heard it a thousand times: Babies don't care where they get their food from. They just want to eat.

Would you ever hire a wet nurse?

Image via Mothering Touch/Flickr

Kim Kardashian Plans to Take Her Baby on Tour With Kanye West, So Clearly She's Gone Mad

Fri, 17 May 2013 11:30:00 EDT

Post by Mary Fischer

Apparently she wants to make sure her new little family isn't apart for one single second, because Kim Kardashian is taking her baby on tour with Kanye West instead of sitting at home alone and adjusting to life as a mom all by her lonesome self.

Yep, according to TMZ, Kim plans on packing up her 3-month-old baby to travel around with Kanye on a bus. She's reportedly even gone so far as to request cribs and soundproof hotel rooms at every stop along the way.

(How Kim Kardashian of her.)

OMG. If this is true, I really feel kind of bad for the girl. Because she has absolutely no idea what is about to happen to her life. If she did, there's no way she'd even so much as think about living on a bus with a newborn.

Holy Toledo. The mere thought of being trapped inside a moving vehicle with a tiny infant for hours on end each and every single day has me wanting to go hide in the closet and curl up into the fetal position. And yes, I'm sure whatever bus Kimye winds up traveling on will be as luxurious and swanky as buses get -- but that still doesn't change the fact that there will be a newborn accompanying them for the ride.

Good grief. During the first few months of my son's life, it was stressful enough to put him in the car for a 10-minute trip to the mall. How in the heck is anyone able to cope with living in something that has four wheels with a baby in tow?

I guess that brings us to those soundproof hotel rooms and (gasp!) hotel cribs. Have she ever actually seen a hotel crib? Apparently not. I'm sure housekeeping does their best to clean those things (sometimes), but babies will be babies -- and they don't exactly spit up any less if they happen to be borrowing a crib from a five-star joint versus a Motel 6.

And as for the soundproof hotel rooms -- is she worried about someone waking up her baby, or her baby disturbing the other guests when he's screaming uncontrollably at 3 o'clock in the morning? (Yeah, you're right. She thinks drunk concert goers will wake up her kid.)

Huh. She's probably better off shacking up on the bus with the baby instead of checking in and out of hotels along the tour route. If nothing else, at least she won't have to deal with Kanye stumbling in and flicking the lights on after his shows are over.

Do you think it's a good idea for Kim to bring her baby on tour?

Image via Splash

Photo Lab Prints Mom's 'Indecent' Breastfeeding Picture -- Victory!

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:42:00 EDT

Post by Jeanne Sager

Score one for breastfeeding moms! A photo center that refused to print a picture of a mom breastfeeding her baby because of a "nudity" policy has backed down. And it gets better! Because of the struggle Kayla Andre's husband went through to get a photo made of his wife and baby for Mother's Day, Wal-Mart is changing its policies.

Wal-Mart the company, that is, not just the one Wal-Mart in Edmonton, Canada, where Kayla's photo got the clerks up in arms! Sounds like a win for moms to me!

OK, yes, the Andres went through something ridiculous. Kayla's husband had a gorgeous photo of her and their baby that shows mom looking adoringly down at her kiddo. You could see some of her breast, but the nipple was in the baby's mouth, and it's clearer than clear what is going on.

Mom is feeding baby.

Period.

There should have been no question of indecency here.

Buuuuuuuut, and this is a big but, every time one of these cases crops up, I have to admit there's a tiny part of me that is glad. Not for what the mom (or mom and dad in this case) has gone through, but for the aftermath.

Every time a breastfeeding mom's struggles make the news, we chip away at society's backward notions about breastfeeding and sexuality. Every time a breastfeeding mom encounters a jerk at a big company, we see corporations forced to step up and do something to save face.

In the case of Wal-Mart, the company has apologized, and this photo center fiasco has paved the way for a new company policy that will be added to the guidelines for photo center employees. It will SPECIFICALLY protect breastfeeding moms.

That can only be a good thing.

Do you see an end in sight for breastfeeding moms struggling to break down the "sexy" barrier to societal acceptance?

Image via Sadie Hernandez/Flickr

5 Strange Things Moms Can Only Do in Front of Their Babies

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:48:00 EDT

Post by Nicole Fabian-Weber

Snooki posted an adorable picture of herself and sweet baby Lorenzo recently. In it, they both look cute as can be -- Lorenzo, with his slick, little hairdo, and Snooki, no makeup.

It got me thinking: I never wear makeup when it's just my daughter and me, but when I go into the office or meet up with friends, I always put some on. I'm not saying I wouldn't leave the house sans makeup, but I never think to put it on when I'm with my baby. She loves me regardless of what I do or how I look.

And you know what? That's one of the many reasons babies are awesome. You can do things in front of them you wouldn't dream of doing in public. Here are 5 things you can only do in front of your baby.

1. Go to the bathroom. Not to get graphic here, but when your baby's super young, you can do whatever you please on the toilet in front of them. They don't mind. And hey, considering you change their poopy diapers day in, day out, they shouldn't!

2. Walk around naked. Trying on clothes is a breeze when you're with your babe. No need to feel like you have to cover up ... anything.

3. Cry. Sometimes, a baby is the most perfect person to cry around. No judging. No freaking out. No trying to fix things. They're just ... there. And that's the best comfort of all.

4. Eat gross, random crap. You probably wouldn't order a slice of cheese, a few spoonfuls of hummus, a tomato, and a handful of Puffs if you were out at a restaurant. But when it's just you and baby, sometimes, that's all you've got!

5. Be your absolute, unabashed self. When it's just you and your baby, there are no airs you have to put on. No facades. If you're sad, you can be sad. If you feel silly, you can be silly. If you want to tell them your deepest and darkest secrets, you can do that, too. Your baby loves you because you're you, and there's nothing better than that.

What things do you do in front of your baby that you wouldn't in front of others?

Image via Slapix/Flickr

Quadruplet Babies Laughing Hysterically at Daddy’s Funny Move Is Quadruple the Adorable (VIDEO)

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:23:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Mannering

What's better than a baby hysterically laughing at her daddy? How about a gaggle of babies hysterically laughing at their daddy? An adorable family with quadruplet daughters shared a heart-melting video of all four girls going nuts with joy whenever their dad shakes his head. You gotta watch.

More from The Stir: Twin Toddlers Have Cutest 'Conversation' Ever (VIDEO)

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Also, dang, dad! Sweet custom-made quadruplets' table!

How cute is this?

Photo via Mrt Ayr/YouTube

Baby's Stroller Rolls Onto Train Tracks While Mom Isn't Watching (VIDEO)

Thu, 16 May 2013 13:02:00 EDT

Post by Mary Fischer

Commuters who were waiting to catch the SEPTA at a train station in West Philadelphia witnessed a terrifying sight yesterday when they saw a baby stroller fall onto the tracks after rolling off the platform.

Yep -- this really happened. A mom was waiting for the train with her baby strapped into a jogging stroller, when she somehow became distracted -- and it slowly rolled right to the edge and toppled over onto the tracks.

And what the mom did after realizing what happened really shouldn't surprise any parent.

Take a look at the video below to see the horrible scene go down -- and watch the mom hop down onto the tracks to save her child.

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OMG. You would've done the exact same thing in her situation, right? (Duh, who wouldn't have if it happened to their baby?)

And while no charges are being pressed against the mother -- you know there are going to be more than a few people who view this video and wonder how in the hell she managed not to notice that stroller rolling away from her.

Though it's impossible to determine what exactly had her so distracted, if I had to guess, I'd say she was likely checking her phone -- something we all do several times a day. Oh come on, how many times have you looked away from your baby for a few seconds to see what's happening on Facebook? (Don't lie.)

Yes, it's a good rule of thumb to keep your hand on the stroller at all times "just in case," but I highly doubt this mom had any intention of being irresponsible. Accidents happen, and we can only begin to imagine her horror upon realizing her baby, who was right next to her a few seconds before, was suddenly on the train tracks.

A few weeks ago, I was in the grocery store check-out line, and there was a woman in front of me with her baby sitting in the cart. She wasn't strapped in, and as the mom was paying for her groceries, the little girl stood up in the seat. She almost fell right out of the cart -- but I was standing right there and caught her.

The mom, of course, was mortified and thanked me a million times over -- and I'm sure she figured I would wind up cursing her under my breath for being such a terrible mother.

But you know what? I wasn't. Because she wasn't a bad mom -- she's just a parent, and we tend to get distracted easily and it's next to impossible to keep our eyes on our kids every single second of every single day. (Granted, the baby should've been strapped in, but let's not even go there.)

And the same thing goes for the mom at the train station. She's just a mom, who happened to look away for whatever reason -- which led to something that could've resulted in absolute disaster. Thankfully she was able to rescue her baby in time, but this definitely serves as a reminder that it doesn't take a whole lot of time for accidents to happen when we aren't paying attention. I guess sometimes being overprotective is not only ok -- it's also necessary.

Have you ever looked away for a split second and had something almost happen to your baby?

Image via ABCNews

Shakira's Leaving 'The Voice' Because Even Celeb Moms Can't Have It All

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:13:00 EDT

Post by Jeanne Sager

Poor Shakira! The judge of The Voice has only been a mom for four months, and already she's learning the lesson we all must face: you can't have it all. The new mom of little Milan has announced she's quitting her job on the popular singing competition, leaving room for Christina Aguilera to return to the post.

But XTina has nothing to do with the Latina sensation's departure from the judge's chair. That's all Milan's doing.

Said Shakira of her decision to leave The Voice:

I really enjoyed The Voice, but I also have a musical career and I'm also a mother now and my poor baby's so tired flying such long distances. He already has more miles than any pilot. So I think I have to give him a little break, and we'll see what happens in the future.

And so it goes. You try to make baby and work come together, and everything blows up in your face.

Been there. Have the sympathy to prove it.

I cut back to part-time when my daughter was born -- a 30-hour part-time that included just two days of daycare. I was trying to do as much as I could to spend time with her and still make enough money to put food on the table. And in some ways it was fabulous. She had adventures that most kids will never experience.

But in so many other ways, it just plain sucked. Ever been on the phone with a famous singer doing an interview, looked down, and realized that your baby has taken off her diaper and begun painting with ... well, you know ...? I have.

I didn't get a heckuva lot of sleep in those days -- even after my daughter started sleeping through the night. I was always hunched over my computer late into the night, catching up on work I couldn't possibly get done with her awake.

Looking back, I don't see any other options for my family. We were trying to make ends meet, and that was how we cobbled together a life.

But when moms like Shakira confess they can't make it work either, I have to admit I feel a little bit better about my own struggles. It wasn't just me! I wasn't a failure! I was just a normal working mom who couldn't do it all!

Pheww.

Load off.

It's not that I need a celebrity to validate how I feel, folks. But there's something to be said for looking at the lives of people who have a ton more money than we do, and more opportunities, and recognizing that if they can't do it perfectly, then no one can.

And there is no SHAME in that!

So Shakira couldn't do her dream job and give everything she wants to give to motherhood? Good for her for recognizing it, and deciding to prioritize her son.

Because that's the one thing we do have control over: deciding what (or who) we want to prioritize.

How do you make peace with the fact that there is no perfect balance?

Image via Shakira/Twitter

Billboard That Sexualizes Breastfeeding Needs to Be Taken Down -- Now

Thu, 16 May 2013 11:34:00 EDT

Post by Kiri Blakeley

I'm not sure what a baby breastfeeding has to do with older women dating younger men, but the idiotic dating site CougarLife.com seems to think there's a connection. The site, which hooks up older women (or "cougars") with young cubs, has a billboard in Los Angeles advertising its services with a picture of a woman breastfeeding a baby who, via painted thought bubble, is asking readers, "Jealous?"

Just to drive the sexualization of breastfeeding home, the mother's breast is blurred out. Sigh. Seriously people? No wonder some women are so convinced that breastfeeding is like incest that they refuse to do it. I think it's all well and good to beautify the human body, but let's not fetishize it to the point where a baby getting its feeding is not only used to sell a dating site, but sexualized to the point where he's having dirty thoughts about his own mother.

It's this kind of thing that makes it so difficult for moms to breastfeed in public. As long as the breast is seen as something that's meant solely for male pleasure -- and not for its original intent, which is to feed babies, in case you've forgotten -- then it is marginalized as some kind of out-of-the-norm behavior. Seriously, isn't it odd that big breasted women with their tatas hanging out are routinely used to sell everything from motor oil to fast food in this country -- and yet a woman's tatas are still seen as offensive in hanging out in service of keeping a human being alive? Something's wrong with this picture.

Not surprisingly, the billboard did draw some fire, with people on Twitter criticizing the company by saying, "That's so offensive to nursing mothers. It should be removed." Says another: "Nursing mothers? Offensive to any mothers. Or women. Or anyone who was ever a baby." Another: "This woman isn't DATING the baby, she's FEEDING her child." (Another person thought it was offensive but to the cougars, saying it implied they wanted to "f**k children.")

But CougarLife.com isn't sorry. In fact, they seem quite gleeful over the controversy, posting a pic of the billboard on Twitter and saying, "It's a joke, not a d*ck ... don't take it so hard." Stay classy, Cougar Life.

Nevertheless, reportedly pressure got to be too much and the ad is slated to be taken down this morning. Cougar Life has not apologized.

Do you think this billboard is offensive?

Image via CougarLife.com

A Baby Book Is More Important Than You Think, So Don't Make This Mistake

Wed, 15 May 2013 16:57:00 EDT

Post by Kristen Chase

I've always been a firm believer that you should learn from your past mistakes, whether it's parenting, relationships, or that awful style trend you wore 15 years ago that's now back on the racks.

But there's also something to hearing advice from someone else, a person who's been there and done that and, in sharing their own self-reflection, might have a few helpful lessons that could make your life easier, better, or less embarrassing.

And that's exactly what you'll find here in my weekly column. First up: my thoughts on the dreaded, guilt-inducing, much-debatable baby book. And why you should do it differently than I did.

Back when my first daughter was born nine years ago, I bought the fancy schmancy keepsake baby book, and for the first few weeks, I filled it out, elegant pen and all.

Then I realized it was sort of lame, and time consuming, which is hilarious now that I have four kids and think to myself, "What was I so busy doing with one tiny baby?" So I bought a blank journal and just jotted down notes instead. First smiles, cute things she did ... it was brilliant!

I kept it up for the first year or so, and then started writing a blog, where I chronicled stories of her -- no pictures of her but enough that I felt like I'd have something to show her when she came to me in 20 years and asked me what she was like as a baby.

Then I had another kid. And a couple more. And while I kept up my blog and took photos every month for the first year, that brilliant journal got shoved in a bookshelf somewhere. And the sweet things my son and two subsequent daughters did ... well, they're gone now. All the funny things they said, the baby milestones they hit and when, the little tidbits of their first year and toddlerdom -- all completely evaporated into thin air.

And that just plain sucks.

If I could have a do-over, a chance to rewrite that part of their history, I'd keep the book, or at least I'd find something similar but easier to use so that I'd have all those memories. Those precious moments neatly stored away to look back on now that my children are so grown and I wonder where all the time has gone.

I mean, how long does it take to jot down a few sentences at the end of each day?

If I were to be a new mom now, I'd send an email to myself with the funny words or cute conversations we'd had, all marked with their names in the subject line and later dumped into a folder for each child that I'd created. All automatically dated and time stamped.

And I'd use something like a private blog or an app like DayOne, which I only recently discovered, that lets you take photos, jot notes, and print it all out.

Because as much as I used to think I'd remember everything about my children as babies, in reality, I don't have a lot of vivid memories at all. And I really wish I did.

Do you think it's a good idea to keep a baby book?

Image via Caitlinator/Flickr

After 9 Years of Infertility, Mom Has Quadruplets

Wed, 15 May 2013 13:23:00 EDT

Post by Jeanne Sager

It's amazing what a change in perspective can do for you, isn't it? The idea of having four kids at once terrifies one and done me. But for a British couple who just made medical history, having quadruplets born from just one embryo is a miracle.

And the truth is, even one and done me can't help but read Christine and Justin Clark's story with the biggest grin on my face. Miracle indeed!

The Clarks spent nine years struggling through infertility. When they decided to go the IVF route, they had just one embryo implanted. And bing, bang, boom, Christine was pregnant ... with four babies.

The chances are roughly around one in a gazillion (OK, not really, I just made that up ... but they're really, really, really, really, really slim -- give or take a few reallys). Quads tend to come from multiple embryos -- and they're usually of both genders. Not here -- one embryo split into three, and another split into two, and all four are girls. The Clarks, of course, are over the moon to have daughters Darcy, Caroline, Elisha, and Alexis.

I would be too.

Yes, I know, I said the idea of four babies at once fills me with dread. But that's because I have decided to be one and done (for myriad reasons). But if I were the Clarks, I'd be jumping for joy.

It's all about perspective.

This is why I hate when people criticize my only child. It's why I'd never criticize someone for having more. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another, and vice versa.

The Clarks' amazing story just goes to show that. Four babies -- for them -- is a blessing.

Because sometimes miracles really do happen!

Quick -- four babies at once -- what's the first thing that comes to mind?

Image via rosmary/Flickr

9 Babysitter Horror Stories That Will Make You Never Want to Leave Your Kids

Wed, 15 May 2013 11:34:00 EDT

Post by The Stir Bloggers

Some people just aren't cut out for kids. And shockingly, some of these people have actually made a career (or at least a side gig) out of watching children! It's insane! As parents, of course we always want to provide our children with the absolute best care. But sometimes, we don't know any better!

It's happened to the best of us. We're in a bind and desperately need someone to watch our child. Be it because of a work commitment or a medical emergency, we simply can't watch our kids. So we call a babysitter (whose references we've checked!), and well, everything just goes to hell.

Check out these 9 babysitter horror stories that are actually true! You may never leave your child's side again!

I caught the sitter watching porn.

I made the mistake of hiring a 13-year-old to watch my son when he was around 3. (She babysat for my neighbor all the time, I thought she was competent!) We were at a Seder when she called to complain that he wouldn’t stop crying and she didn’t know what to do. When we finally got home, we found some videos had gone missing. We checked the browser history and found she’d been online pretty much the entire time, and she was into some really weird, kinky stuff -- like Japanese anime porn! WTF! Oh -- and she walked out of the apartment with one of our phones and we had to call her mother to get it back!

The babysitter gave TMI.

My babysitter told the kids about the miscarriage she had. Um -- TMI!

No common sense.

My sitter put my daughter to bed without closing the blinds. When the sun rose first thing in the morning, guess what happened ...

My sitter judged me.

When I was getting my daughter ready for her monthly pediatrician appointment, the sitter looked at me and said: "I would never get my child vaccinated."

I was the clueless babysitter.

When I was younger, I babysat my neighbor. I just laid on the floor with horrible cramps the whole time while the kids played in the other room. The mom finally came upstairs and told me I could go home.

My sitter really screwed me.

My babysitter, who's been with me for over nine months and has showed up at the same time every day, showed up over two hours late, and said: "I wasn't sure what time I was supposed to come in." What?

My sitter questioned my parenting.

My daughter was going through a major separation anxiety phase, and whenever she saw me, she'd cry. Since I work from home sometimes, she caught a glimpse of me and lost it. Tugging at my feet, everything. So I picked her up and comforted her! The sitter snapped: "You better stop coddling her, or you're gonna create a real problem."

My sitter just ... didn't care.

I ran out to the grocery store, and when I came back, the sitter was chatting on the phone downstairs while my daughter cried in her crib upstairs. I asked her what was going on, and she said: "I thought she'd go back to sleep, but clearly she's not. Have a good weekend!" And she left.

My babysitter thought my home was a movie theater.

I found out that my babysitter watched the entire Homeland series ... when she was supposed to be watching my kid!

Have you ever had a nightmare babysitter?

Image via theinvinciblemom/Flickr

Mom Changes Her Baby's Diaper at Starbucks and Things Get Ugly (VIDEO)

Wed, 15 May 2013 08:46:00 EDT

Post by April Daniels Hussar

Here's a nice, heartwarming Mother's Day story for you! This Sunday, police got called to a Denver Starbucks after a baby being changed on the seating area situation turned ugly. Really?

The whole thing is a wee bit Jerry Springer, what with the name calling and the "hand gestures." Watch for yourself:

I particularly love the reenactment of the Venti coffee being thrown on the floor!

Little Thiago shall have some special Mother's Day memories, indeed! But all that classy drama aside, the basic problem here is that babies should NOT BE CHANGED in public eating areas. Full stop. No ifs, ands, or buts!

Come on, fellow moms. It's really not that hard to carry a portable changing pad with you. Simply place it on the floor of the bathroom, place the baby on the pad, and change your baby's diaper. Amazing! If you really can't stand the thought of your little snowflake being that close to the floor (and trust me, she'll be fine), then simply walk out to your car and do the deed on the backseat. Once done, return to your nice Starbucks and finish your coffee. You've earned it! (Don't have a car with you? Then bathroom floor it is!) In a couple of years, all this will be behind you, and you'll feel nostalgic for your jam-packed diaper bag. Honest.

When my own daughter was a bambina, I spent many a moment hovering in awkward positions in small, NYC bathrooms, fearing germs and cursing the fact that my hubby could get away with handing diaper duty over to me (because face it, men's rooms are always second best to women's when it comes to overall ick factor and therefore are a last resort), but just getting the job done so I could join the rest of the civilized people (and my glass of wine) back at our table. So can the rest of you.

"As a mother, you have to do what you have to do. Wherever you have to do it," says Burgos of her ordeal. Um, yes ... if you're talking about saving your child's LIFE or something. Not if you're talking about grossing out fellow customers with the sight of a dirty diaper!

Of COURSE places like Starbucks should have changing table in their bathrooms -- it's just bad marketing if they don't. But they don't OWE it to parents; if you're not happy with their bathrooms, let them know and/or stop going there. Simple as that. But changing your baby in an eating establishment does nothing but give us parents a bad name.

Do you think it's acceptable to change a baby in, say, a Starbucks?

Image via CherrySweetDeal/Flickr

44-Year-Old 'Real Housewife' Kyle Richards Wants Another Baby

Tue, 14 May 2013 14:35:00 EDT

Post by Nicole Fabian-Weber

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards may want to have another baby. The 44-year-old reality star already has four kids, but recently admitted that "she always wants another baby" and never feels like she's "completely done [having kids]".

Sure, 44 may be considered "old" to have kids (especially when you already have four), but I say go for it. In some ways, I don't think there could be a better time for Kyle to have another baby.

The "right" age to have kids is a topic that's long been debated, and clearly there's never going to be a "right" answer, but hear my argument in favor of having kids later in life: You've learned from your mistakes.

By no means are kids social experiments, but the fact is, parenthood is a constant learning experience. We don't always get things right the first go-round (in fact, we may get them really, really wrong). When we have our second child -- or in Kyle's case, her potential fifth -- we're equipped with knowledge there's no way we could have otherwise had.

No, parenting isn't one-size-fits-all, and what works for one kid may not work for the second, but from what every single person has told me, the first one is the hardest. I know it sounds insane, but the first few weeks of my daughter's life, she kept crying and I had no idea that it was because she was hungry. I'd think: "She just ate. That can't possibly be the reason." Crazy to think, looking back, but at the time, I was kind of clueless as to what was going on. Should I have another, that won't happen!

So, Kyle, I say do it! You're practically a parenting expert with your four kids. Your fifth will be a culmination of everything you've learned over the past few years, and nary a mistake will be made.

Okay, maybe one mistake will made, but that will be a damn well-adjusted kid.

What do you think is the "right" age to have kids?

Image via Pacific Coast News

An Open Letter to Moms Who Think Formula Is 'Poison'

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:25:00 EDT

Post by Jeanne Sager

Dear Breastfeeding Advocate, I've heard you loud and clear. You say formula is poison. I understand that you're just really gung-ho about breastfeeding, and you're trying to make a point. You care about babies and moms.

But please, can you just take a moment and read those words out loud?

Formula is poison.

Is that what you really mean to say?

Do you think that moms who give their babies formula are trying to kill them? That's what poison does, right?

Do you think these moms should go to jail for child abuse? That's what happens to moms who feed their kids other poisons -- rat poison, pesticides ...

Would you tell that to a mother who just adopted a baby, who has no choice but to put a bottle in the mouth of her precious little girl? Is she selfish; is she abusive for choosing bottle over breast?

What about the mom who had a double mastectomy because she had breast cancer? Her milk ducts are gone, but thanks to the the miracle of egg harvesting, she's living her dream of being a mom. Is she a child abuser? An attempted murderer?

She is, after all, knowingly feeding her child -- as you call it -- poison.

Still standing behind your hyperbole?

If you haven't guessed by now, I too fed my daughter formula.

Not at first. I had every intention of breastfeeding from the moment I became pregnant. No, before that. I was breastfed. My husband was breastfed.

I think breastfeeding is far superior to bottlefeeding.

I say that now. I say that even though my daughter was raised primarily on formula.

I think breastfeeding is the best thing that can be done for a baby.

That is why, when I couldn't do it, it tore me in two. I spent hours crying. I was paralyzed by a fear so deep that I couldn't leave my house. Literally, stepping off the porch made me hyperventilate.

There was no one to help me. There are no lactation consultants where I live. There is no La Leche League. I didn't have a mother there to help me get the proper latch.

When I turned to the Internet for help, I found a lot of angry women like you, women who were quick to judge me for allowing my husband to give our daughter a bottle of formula, women who dismissed me and coldly told me how selfish and useless I was.

This was their way of "encouraging me to breastfeed."

I gave up after two weeks of crying and paralyzing fear and sore nipples and pumping one breast that quite simply never filled with milk, no matter how hard I tried to encourage it to produce.

I gave up and gave my daughter formula.

I gave up and gave my daughter something to sate her insatiable hunger.

You say I gave her poison. I say I gave her life.

I gave her a mother who could go on anti-depressants to fight the demons in her head. I gave her something to fill her tummy and help her grow big and strong.

She is almost 8 years old now, and still I feel guilty that she wasn't breastfed. I feel guilty even though she's never had an ear infection and, up until this year when a wicked virus made its way through her elementary school, never been sick for more than a day or two. I feel guilty even though she's an active soccer player and dancer who makes good grades and stays up late reading Pippi Longstocking and Ramona Quimby. I feel guilty even though her smile brightens a room and her laughter lights up my life.

I feel guilty in my heart even though my head tells me not to.

I feel guilty because every time I make the mistake of reading about breastfeeding and formula, I'm faced with you, dear breastfeeding advocate, telling me that the very thing that helped keep my daughter alive was poison.

So tell me, are you proud of yourself?

Do you still think formula is poison?

Signed,

A mom just like you

Image via Raphael Goetter/Flickr

Breastfeeding Military Moms to Get On-Base Rooms Just for Pumping and Nursing -- Yay!

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:19:00 EDT

Post by Adriana Velez

When is a room more than a room? When it's a specially-dedicated lactation room. The 3rd Army Headquarters at Shaw Air Force Base in South Carolina are getting their very own nursing room for military moms. Not a closet where they're "allowed" to plug in a pump, but a whole room with privacy screens, furniture, refrigerator, and sink. The "Third Army Nursing Room" is a big step up from what new moms had before.

One personnel specialist remembers pumping in an office with a sign reading "occupied" -- haha, occupied territory. Except it wasn't funny because once a couple of men unlocked the door and walked in on her. They SO would not have done that if they'd known the person "occupying" that space was actually a new mom pumping breast milk!

The nursing room sounds almost luxurious compared to what many working moms, military or not, are used to. But come on, this is a base with 200 women working. Many of those women are actually military spouses. And a few dozen say they'll be using the lactation room. It sounds more like the nursing room is long overdue.

But I think the really cool thing about the nursing center -- besides the obvious privacy! -- is that it's becoming a small community center for military moms. Kathleen Roberts, a civilian working for the Navy, says the women who use the space share information on everything from managing milk supply to sleep schedules. "It may be only a room, but put a bunch of women together and lot of solutions come out of that. It's a wonderful thing," Roberts says.

I can only think that's great for the moms, their children, and the whole workplace, actually. Hopefully the breastfeeding keeps babies illnesses at a minimum, which in turn means women miss fewer days. But it also makes for happier, healthier women working thanks to the support network. I hope the idea catches on at other bases.

Do you think more workplaces including the military should have dedicated nursing rooms for new moms?

Image via planet_oleary/Flickr

Breastfeeding Moms Could Need Formula More Than They Know

Mon, 13 May 2013 11:52:00 EDT

Post by Jeanne Sager

Well knock me over with a feather! For as long as I can remember -- or at least since I started reading every book I could find on babies during my pregnancy -- I've heard that formula is harmful to moms trying to initiate breastfeeding. And now a bunch of researchers say that's not really true.

Word out of the University of California San Francisco is that early formula use can actually -- gasp -- help breastfeeding moms.

Ready to fill up those bottles?

Just hold on a second ...

The study -- supported by a grant from the National Institute of Children Health and Human Development and just published online by the medical journal Pediatrics -- refers only to what they call early limited formula (or the adorable nickname ELF) use. Under their guidelines, small amounts of formula are given to babies to help curb their hunger while mom waits for her milk to come in, but mom still breastfeeds.

The study took 40 newborns who had lost 5 percent of their birth weight and whose moms' milk hadn't come in yet and split them into two groups. One got ELF. The other group was breastfed exclusively. When they checked back at 3 months, almost 80 percent of the babies who were given formula early on were breastfeeding exclusively. Forty-two percent of the moms who'd breastfed exclusively from the get-go were still doing so.

The goal of ELF is to help moms and babies both -- it keeps the little ones from losing weight and helps prevent moms from giving in to the stress of not "making enough" to sate a hungry baby. In all, it's only supposed to last a few days before moms goes to full breastfeeding.

It all sounds pretty tricky, and even the folks at UCSF admit it's not perfect. In a press release, the study's lead author Dr. Valerie Flaherman, an assistant professor of pediatrics and epidemiology and biostatistics at UCSF and a pediatrician at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital, even calls formula use a "slippery slope to breastfeeding discontinuation."

But I'm buying what they're selling ... if only because I remember those early days after my daughter was born, when nothing, and I mean NOTHING satisfied her. My nipples were rubbed raw and felt like they were going to fall off, and still she screamed. I didn't want to give her a pacifier -- because of course the books all tell you that causes nipple confusion -- and I was at my wits' end.

I ended up sinking into postpartum depression in no small part because of my feelings of failure and inadequacy as a mom who wasn't doing well at this breastfeeding thing.

I can only imagine how much less stressed I would have been if someone had said, "Hey, a little formula isn't a bad thing." If someone -- a medical someone -- had helped me lay out a plan for a little formula to get us over the hump, a plan that had a specific beginning and end so that it was only a supplement and NOT a crutch that ruined my breastfeeding future.

That's what the folks at UCSF are talking about. They're not saying moms should pump baby full of something man-made from here until eternity. Just give that ravenous baby something to drink when mom can't make it ... something to help mom get over the hump while her poor body adjusts to new motherhood.

If that's what it takes to make breastfeeding work for a long time, it just might be worth it.

Did you ever supplement with formula? Did it help or hinder your breastfeeding experience?

Image via Pink Sherbet Photography/Flickr

Every Drop of Your Breast Milk Is Medicine. Don't Waste It

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:48:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Last week I was sitting at a table with my friend who is a doula and two mamas who had natural births. Over dinner, we were discussing breast milk. Wonderful, amazing, incredible breast milk. Great for babies, of course. It's sweet, we unanimously decided. And it cures everything.

Rashes, yeast, ear infections, pink eye, acne, cuts, diaper rash, sunburn, dry skin ... you name it. Wonder milk. Nature's cure made just by mama. It even kills 40 different types of cancer cells. It's amazing. We are amazing creatures for being able to make something that cures so much. Breast milk is medicine. And if you needed further proof, it was just discovered that it helps reverse antibiotic resistance and protects people from pneumonia and staph infections. Here we were for so many years throwing antibiotics at every little thing making the drug less effective, when we could have just done a few shot's of mama's milk and saved the antibiotics for when it's really needed.

It's all about the protein in breast milk. Researchers at the University of Buffalo believe it helps treat people with those nasty superbugs that cause pneumonia, MRSA, and staph infections. Plain old antibiotics don't always work because of years of overuse. That protein is called Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made Lethal to Tumor Cells, or HAMLET. We make this protein, ladies. Liquid gold it certainly is.

They discovered this when treating mice who needed less antibiotics to treat their sicknesses when combined with breast milk. Anders Hakansson, lead researcher and a UB assistant professor of microbiology and immunology, said:

HAMLET has the potential to minimize the concentrations of antibiotics we need to use to fight infections, and enable us to use well-established antibiotics against resistant strains again.

Miracles. Breast milk kills tumor cells and bacteria. The list of amazing uses it has just grows and grows. And they are hoping could eventually be used on humans to help cure people. Lactating mamas should think twice about pumping and dumping. Save that breast milk for the next time you or an adult has a cold or virus. We should also do whatever we can to increase our supply. Maybe someday there will be breast milk drives just like there are blood drives. Fascinating.

What do you think of this revelation?

Image via shingleback/Flickr

Adopting My Son: We Had Nothing, Yet Everything We Needed

Fri, 10 May 2013 09:57:00 EDT

Post by Bob Meadows

When my wife and I got the call that a birth mother had picked us to be parents, five words almost knocked us for an even bigger loop. “Bring whatever outfits you’ve purchased,” our caseworker told us. My wife and I looked at each other. Outfits? The adoption agency had been very clear about not buying anything while waiting to be placed. After all, no one knows how long the wait will be.

So when we got the call, we had nothing. No outfits, no crib, no bassinet. No bottles, no wipes, no diapers, no toys. That’s a huge disadvantage people who plan to adopt have versus people who plan to “get pregnant.” There are no baby showers to load you up with necessities ahead of time, one of several major differences with taking in a child you didn't give birth to.

There is no nine-month countdown where you can mentally prepare yourself for your little one’s arrival. There are no classes that teach you how to, say, change a diaper or that infants sometimes cry for no reason so don’t freak out.

We had to get references from friends and family. We had to get fingerprinted. We had to have a background check to show that we're not criminals. A social worker came to our home five times. We had to send the agency copies of our son's pediatric records every time he went to the doctor. It was a tough road that felt endless when we were traveling it. Don’t get me wrong: Adopting a child should be tough. Navigating the slog of paperwork hopefully indicates your commitment, hopefully shows this isn't just a whim that you will grow weary of the first time your little one spits up on your leather coat.

Bring whatever outfits you’ve purchased, our caseworker said. After hanging up, my wife and I zipped off to the department stores. We loaded up on as much as we could. By the time night fell, we had enough clothes and diapers and bottles to get us started. We had a place for our son to sleep. We had toys and books. The next day, we rented a car and drove to meet him. And you know, holding him, I was scared to death, but confident at the same time, certain I had everything I needed right there in my arms.

What was the toughest part of your journey to having a child?

Image via Angela Johnson Meadows

6 Mother's Day Quotes Straight From the Movies

Fri, 10 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Jeanne Sager

There's something about Mother's Day that seems to make people want to express themselves in ways no other holiday really does. You hit the stores to find the right card, and then you sit there hemming and hawwing about what to write on said card. A quote about motherhood, maybe? But which one?

Considering we're a country that speaks in movie quotes, it only seems fitting that we honor mom with some of the best from the silver screen. From classics comedies like Mr. Mom to dramas like Stepmom, Hollywood has given us plenty ways to pay tribute to motherhood ... and here they are!

Here are the sweetest lines Hollywood has served up about motherhood over the years.

Which is your favorite?

Image by Jeanne Sager

Sick Days Can Be Special For Moms and Their Kids

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:57:00 EDT

Post by Joanna Montgomery

This may sound strange, but some of my fondest childhood memories are of "sick" days spent home with my mom. Obviously, not the days when I was truly "sick sick" and feeling terrible. But the days when I was just a little bit sick, too sick to go to school or out to play ... maybe just with a slight fever. Those days I got extra special treatment from my mom.

I got to stay in my pajamas all day, and my mom would bring into my room a portable television and prop it up on the chest at the foot of my bed. (These were the days before cable television and laptop computers, mind you.) And she'd bring me cinnamon and sugar toast and hot chocolate on a bamboo tray and I'd have breakfast in bed. Later, we'd snuggle together under a blanket on the couch and watch black and white movies.

I'd take naps and read books and generally be pampered and fussed over. She'd place her cool hand on my warm forehead and check my temperature periodically. If I had a cold, I'd get Vick's Vapo-Rub on my chest and sleep with a vaporizer in my room at night.

Good times.

The smell of Vick's still triggers that nostalgia. And I hope it does for my little girl too one day.

My toddler was sick recently, and home with me for more than a week. She spiked a high fever which led us to the pediatrician where it was discovered she had a urinary tract infection. She went through a couple different types of antibiotics until the right one was found, and fought fever off and on for several days in the meantime. We managed her fever by alternating children's ibuprofen and acetaminophen, and giving her room temp baths and cold compresses. It was a rough week. But we had some special times that week as well, my daughter and I.

I have a dear British friend who commented once, "there's nothing sweeter than a poorly baby", and it's true. It seems that children get extra cuddly when they're not feeling well, and our little girl was no exception. When her fever would spike, she'd usually get sick to her stomach; and all she wanted during these times was her mama. I'd strip her down and hold her close and rock her until her fever broke. Sometimes we'd get in the bath together, or snuggle together under the covers. We piled in my bed and read at least 100 books (or the same few books 100 times). We had Pedialyte popsicles and barley soup and toast. We played with her baby doll and loved on the family pets. We took videos to send to her daddy at work. We bonded.

And when she had to go back to the pediatrician for tests, I held her while she cried and told her I understood. And I knew she didn't blame me.

Now there was never a happier mom than I when her fever left for good and her infection was finally gone. And I would love for nothing more than for her never to be sick again. But we got through it together and it brought us closer. We survived.

What memories do you have of being sick as a child?

Image via Brooke Kelly.

The Truth About Our Postpartum Bodies Is Sometimes Shocking

Thu, 09 May 2013 11:37:00 EDT

Post by The Stir Bloggers

Amanda Hirsch is a blogger and writer who has published a book on motherhood called Feeling My Way: Finding Motherhood Without Losing Myself. It's the kind of book that every new mom should be reading and Hirsch has a blog, to boot.

In honor of Mother's Day, she has shared one of her favorite posts with The Stir. Please see below:

NOTE: I realize I've probably opened myself up to some unsavory traffic by writing about my boobs, but I couldn't write about new-mom-body-image without mentioning them; so -- if you're only reading this because it came up in a search for "boobs," I'm sorry to disappoint you, there are no pictures or exciting descriptions here. Unless you find descriptions of spit-up exciting. In which case, you're worse than I thought.

Motherhood isn't a glamorous business.

I just walked into the bathroom and thought, "Ugh, what's that horrible smell?" Then I realized it was me, thanks to the spit-up cascading down my shoulder onto my arm.

Madam, what's that scent you're wearing? Ah, yes -- eau de spit-up.

Losing the Baby Weight

Everyone comments on my baby's adorable rolls of fat. They are kind enough to refrain from commenting on my less-adorable rolls.

On good days, during good moments, I take the long view: it takes 9+ months to gain the weight of pregnancy, so it makes sense that it would take that long to lose it.

But then I step into the dressing room of a hip Williamsburg, Brooklyn boutique, and dress after dress won't even fit over my boobs. They say breastfeeding burns a kajillion calories a day (that's a precise figure) but the trade-off is that my boobs weigh a kajillion tons (that one's an estimate). The other day, as we were walking to the movies -- our first foray with a babysitter since Baby was born 3+ months ago -- I turned to Jordan and said, "I finally understand why they call them 'jugs.'"

And then my jugs and I jiggled and galumphed down the lane, atop my jiggly belly, which sits atop my ever-lean-legs. I'm like a top-heavy, pornographic stork.

Hip, hip, hooray!

When I'm feeling more Zen about things, I think: this beautiful body o'mine birthed this beautiful, healthy baby. And aside from some lingering sciatica pain that is slowly driving me insane, I made it through this whole escapade healthy, too. I may not feel glamorous, but I feel feminine, and powerful. I'm able to breastfeed, and Alison -- who's in the 97th percentile for height and weight -- is thriving. Like I said: I'll lose the weight. My body will regain its pre-mommy shape. I'm exercising and eating right (for the most part) and I just need to be patient.

Style Matters

In the meantime, though, my poor maternity clothes are nearly threadbare. The two bras that fit are frankly begging for a day off (no rest for the weary!). Thank god for the cheap nail salon around the corner -- $28 later (when I can make it there, between work and childcare and falling asleep on my feet), my painted nails give me hope that my more glamorous self can still make herself known.

Last week I got a haircut. "I'm thinking of growing it out," I told my stylist, Jane, who I will forever love for giving me the best scalp massage ever when I got my hair cut six days after giving birth. "You know -- it's easier that way. Less maintenance." (I've had short hair for years and am tired of paying for haircuts every 4-6 weeks.)

"Ok," she said, "but don't turn into one of those moms who puts herself on the back burner. Style is still important."

Is it? On the one hand, of course not. Not at all. Not compared to health, or family, or friends, or all the other meaningful things that make the world go 'round.

Don't knock it til you've tried it And yet, maybe prettying ourselves up does matter. I have friends who donate makeup and luxurious lotions to homeless women; my mom gives people a Kiehl's gift basket after they have surgery. These little touches -- while certainly not taking the place of food or shelter or medical care (duh) -- can put a very real spring in a person's step.

Style is about fantasy. And while I'm all in favor of living fully in the real world, I can't find fault with pretty dreams. "Fake it til you make it," they say -- and they are wise. Style lets us present ourselves to the world the way we wish to be seen. It's artifice in service of authenticity. Just like finding the right words lets us express ourselves, finding the right colors and haircuts and fabrics lets us make ourselves known.

I'm thinking of ordering a new v-necked black tshirt from the Gap to replace the one in my drawer that has a wad of old gum stuck to it; oh heck, maybe I'll buy two. It's a long way from the pages of Vogue, but it'll put a spring in my step, for sure.

Were you surprised by aspects of postpartum changes?

Image via planet_oleary/Flickr

'Real Housewife' Phaedra Parks Welcomes a Baby Boy and This Could Mean Big Changes For Show

Wed, 08 May 2013 20:32:00 EDT

Post by Ericka Sóuter

A new castmember is joining the Real Housewives of Atlanta! Phaedra Parks gave birth to a baby boy weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces on Wednesday. "Mom and baby are happy and healthy," her rep told Us Weekly. And this new addition can only mean one thing for the future of the show.

More drama. Good thing she is used to plenty of screams and tears thanks to castmates Kim Zolciak, NeNe Leakes, Porsha Williams, Kenya Moore, and Cynthia Bailey. Already mom to two-year-old Ayden, life is about to get 100 times more hectic for the reality TV star. I hope this doesn't inspire her to pull a Kim and skip out on filming. After Kim got pregnant with her second child with Kroy Biermann, she all but disappeared from the show, saying she didn't have as much time to hang with the other ladies anymore.

But if anyone can balance it all, it's Phaedra. This is something she's wanted for a long time. In fact, she and husband Apollo Nida probably aren't stopping at two. "Ideally I'd like three kids, but I don't know if my poor uterus can take it!" she once joked.

Like Ayden, I have no doubt that the new baby will be featured on the Bravo hit as well. Phaedra, a self-described Southern Belle, who joined the show in it's third season has quickly become a fan favorite. She may not be as outwardly feisty as NeNe or Kim, but she gives as good as she gets. Her most memorable feud: the Donkey video battle with newbie Kenya. She's also perhaps the savviest business woman out of the crew, balancing a mortician biz with her law practice. And word is, she has landed her own spin-off called Rich People Problems, which is about her law clients. Though, I am sure all of that pales in comparison to being a mom. Congrats Phaedra!

Do you think being a mom of two will keep Phaedra too busy to be on the show?

Image via Bravo

Navy Dad Meeting Newborn for First Time Says Something His Wife Will Never Forget (VIDEO)

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:20:00 EDT

Post by Mary Fischer

In what has to be one of the most heartwarming military reunions ever -- a Navy dad met his newborn son for the first time after an eight-month deployment.

Lt. Michael Lemmons was one of 27 dads who were waiting to meet their babies when the USS John C. Stennis pulled into the Naval Station in Bremerton, Washington. Lucky for us, his reunion with his wife, kids, and precious new addition was captured on film.

And while every single military homecoming tugs at our heartstrings, this one goes one step further -- all because of a simple yet incredibly sweet and romantic comment Lt. Lemmons made to his wife after holding his baby boy.

Take a look at the video clip below to hear what he said. You'll be so envious of his wife. I promise.

OMG. "He's perfect. Thank you."

I know those are four tiny little words, but they hold more meaning than he probably ever imagined.

(Is this a gem-of-a-guy, or what?)

Let me ask you a question -- did your husband thank you after you gave birth?

Mine definitely didn't. Or if he did, I don't remember him saying it -- and that's the kind of thing a gal tends to recall after pushing a human being out of her body.

Hell, I didn't even get a push present, for crying out loud! I know, I know, there are more important things than gifts after you have a new baby, but still -- a small pat on the back would've been nice. (Or a nice piece of new bling.)

I think the closest thing I got to gratitude was, "You baked us a good baby, honey."

(Whatever that means.)

A simple "thank you" would've been much more meaningful, appreciated, and something I would've remembered for the rest of my life. But hey, at least Lt. Lemmons' wife got to experience a moment like that. (And she certainly deserves it after having her husband away from her for so long.)

Did you get a thank-you or push present after giving birth?

Image via King 5 News

I Hate Mother's Day (But Please Don't Tell My Daughter)

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:26:00 EDT

Post by The Stir Bloggers

I always thought motherhood would change the way I feel about Mother's Day. In some ways it has; at least I have something to do on the second Sunday in May. But the fact is, while I love my child, I still hate Mother's Day.

I hate the commercials that show loving families all gathered around granny. I hate the newspaper circulars that beg me to "thank mom."

Thank her for what? A desperately low level of self-esteem and a tendency to apologize for breathing?

In the way that single people dread Valentine's Day, those of us with absent mothers dread the first few weeks of May. We prepare for the onslaught of mush and gush by steeling our hearts.

I didn't grow up in one of those homes you see on the commercials. My mother was cold. Is cold. She's mean and manipulative. She's a raging narcissist.

She doesn't need a Mother's Day to feel special. She has every day to make life about herself.

I sound bitter. I know. I am bitter.

But it's not because I didn't have a perfect mother or even a good one. I'm trying to make my peace with that as I attempt to be a good mom without a good mom role model.

I'm bitter because she's made a day when I should be reveling in being a mother into a day when I would like nothing more than to crawl under the covers and sleep until it's over.

I should be overjoyed on Mother's Day, drinking in the scent of my flowers and the scent of my daughter's shampooed hair. I should be smiling and singing and on top of the world.

Instead, I struggle to be present and paste a smile on my face for the sake of my child and my husband. Just looking at my daughter on Mother's Day is painful.

It's not her fault. Being a loving mom reminds me that I don't have one. By the end of the day, I hate myself more because I've succumbed to the feelings of resentment I more easily keep tamped down during the rest of the year.

On Mother's Day, I'm forced to confront the fact that I'm jealous of my own daughter. I am jealous that she has the mom I didn't have. I'm jealous because she will never spend a Mother's Day crying because a gift she worked her heart and soul to make was cast aside. I'm jealous because Mother's Day will never be another day to make her feel more inadequate.

I'm jealous because everything the commercials say is true. Moms are supposed to love you and care for you and be that hero you want to run to on Mother's Day with an armful of flowers. And mine isn't.

I can't change my mother just by being a mother. I can't change my feelings about Mother's Day just by being a mother.

The only thing I can do is prop myself up, put a grin on my face, and try to give my child the Mother's Day SHE deserves. She still has a chance to love Mother's Day. I don't want to ruin that for her.

Dealing with an absent mom on Mother's Day? How do you deal?

Image via Woodleigh School/Flickr