The Stir By CafeMom: Blogger Lindsay Ferrier

Expert Questions Flu Vaccine's Safety, Effectiveness

Mon, 20 May 2013 15:27:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Based on my pediatrician's advice, I have made a point of getting my kids and myself a flu shot every single year.

So you'd better believe I sat up and took notice when a Johns Hopkins scientist released a study recently that questions whether the flu shot is as safe and effective as we've been led to believe.

Suddenly, I'm not feeling so good about those flu shots.

The article was written by Peter Doshi, PhD, a scientist at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, and published in the British Medical Journal. In it, Doshi had some pretty strong words for the CDC.

For one thing, Doshi says the shot has been poorly tested in studies that used subjects who tended to be healthy, as opposed to the general population.

"Here the salesmen are public health officials, worried little about which brand of vaccine you get so long as they can convince you to take influenza seriously," he wrote. "But it is essential to base those messages on solid science, and here is where CDC is failing when it comes to influenza."

As for the flu shot's safety, Doshi wrote, "For most people, and possibly most doctors, officials need only claim that vaccines save lives, and it is assumed there must be solid research behind it." But he questioned whether that was really the case, citing an Australian study that showed one in every 110 kids under 5 had convulsions after getting the flu shot in 2009 for H1N1. The H1N1 vaccine also has been linked to cases of narcolepsy in adolescents, according to NewsMax.

The bottom line, according to Doshi? "The vaccine may be less beneficial and less safe than has been claimed, and the threat of influenza seems to be overstated," he wrote.

It's food for thought.

My father's a doctor and has long been opposed to my family and me getting the flu vaccination. He's always believed that the risks outweigh the benefits -- still, I thought I knew best.

Now, I'm not so sure.

What are your thoughts? Do you get the flu shot for your kids? Will you continue to do so?

Image via Zaldylmg/Flickr

10 Top Makeup Tips for Moms in Their 50s and Beyond

Fri, 17 May 2013 13:40:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Fifty is the new 40, particularly now that so many celebrities are hitting the big 5-0 (and 6-0) and looking amazing!

Susan Sarandon, Helen Mirren, and Madonna come to mind as women who are aging particularly well. Hell, even Betty White's still looking dang good for her age.

Don't think that these women are just naturally beautiful. They're taking care of themselves and ensuring that their beauty lasts and doesn't fade -- and you can too!

Check out 10 top makeup tips for moms in their 50s and beyond below!

-Congratulations! You don't need as much makeup now as you did when you were younger. We've all seen what a mature woman in too much makeup looks like, and it's not good. Now is a good time to streamline your routine and use only what's necessary. A natural look is better for you in your 50s and beyond.

-Exfoliate your face and body weekly. Use a dry brush to exfoliate your body and a facial scrub with very fine grit for your face.

-Moisturizing your face has never been more important. Now's the time to invest in a good skin care system if you haven't done so already, and don't forget the SPF and the eye cream!

-Face: Avoid mineral foundation, which can settle in creases, and instead use a light foundation with moisturizer. Use a sponge to dab it on. If you need powder, opt for loose translucent powder, and only use it in your t-zone. Makeup artist Diana Carreiro recommends Face Atelier Ultra Foundation and Yaby micronized Loose Setting Powder.

-For wide-awake eyes in your 50s and beyond, skip the eye shadow and apply a neutral eyeliner to the top of your lashline. Add mascara to your top lashes only.

If you want to use shadow, be sure and apply a shadow primer first, to keep it from settling in the creases of your skin.

-Brows become sparser as we get older -- you'll need to use a pencil to fill in your brow. Use light, feathery strokes and fill in -- don't draw a line.

-Choose a powder blush in your 50s and beyond, in a light, dusty pink. Brush it on the apples of your cheeks for a natural look.

-You'll need to use a lip primer to reduce feathering -- Diana Carreiro likes Mary Kay TimeWise Age Fighting Lip Primer. If you have thin lips, use lipstick with some gloss in it to make them look fuller.

-Don't give up on your hair! Keep it soft and shiny with gloss treatments and sulfate-free shampoos and conditioners. Use deep conditioning treatments every so often to keep your hair healthy. This will also make color look brighter and last longer.

-Consider Botox. It may not be for you, but the women I know who use it swear by it, and many of my friends in their 30s have started using it (although I haven't). There are even "baby Botox" treatments, which use a very minimal amount of Botox so that you can test the effects and see how you like them. Other women swear by fillers, but I'd personally steer clear of them -- I think that fillers often make older women look ridiculous.

Those are my tips. Any you'd add?

Image via David_Shankbone/Flickr

'The Stir' Bloggers Discuss Angelina Jolie's Surgery (VIDEO)

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:18:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Angelina Jolie revealed in The New York Times this week that she had a pre-emptive double mastectomy, after discovering that she had the same mutant gene that caused her own mother to die of ovarian cancer at the age of 56.

Jolie's surgery, in the absence of cancer, was shocking on its own -- but what made it even more surprising was the fact that she chose to go public with the news.

Several writers from The Stir gathered in a Google Hangout to discuss Jolie's suprising announcement -- here's what they had to say.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

In The New York Times, Jolie wrote:

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

I think her decision was an incredibly courageous one, and I like the thought that Angelina chose to put her family ahead of her career. We all hope that she'll continue to win great roles in great movies, but she must have worried that going public with her decision might cost her desirable parts in upcoming films.

What do you think of Angelina's decision? Would you do what she did? Does her story make you want to have your DNA tested as well?

Image via cliff1066/Flickr

Changes in Health Care Moms Need to Know About (VIDEO)

Mon, 13 May 2013 14:02:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

President Obama used the Mother's Day holiday to promote the Affordable Care Act and talk about the changes in healthcare law that affect moms in particular.

Whether or not you support the new healthcare plan, it affects you. Now is as good a time as any to go over a few major changes that could benefit you and your family.

--It is now illegal to exclude children from coverage because of a pre-existing condition. In 2014, it will be illegal for insurance companies to exclude anyone because of a pre-existing condition. In the meantime, a new program called the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan provides coverage for those who need it until these rules go into effect in 2014.

--Anyone joining a new insurance plan can choose any primary care doctor, OB-GYN, or pediatrician in his or her network (or any emergency care outside his or her network) without a referral.

--Most women can now receive preventive care without co-pays -- including mammography screenings for women over 40, birth control, breastfeeding support and supplies, domestic violence screening and counseling, STI counseling, and HIV testing and counseling.

--In 2014, women can no longer be charged more for individual insurance policies because of their gender.

--Your child can now stay on your insurance plan (unless their employer provides insurance) until he or she is 26, regardless of whether he or she is living with you, financially dependent on you, or married.

--Insurance companies cannot impose lifetime limits on the amount of care you receive or drop your coverage if you get sick.

Here's what President Obama had to say to women on Friday about the Affordable Care Act:

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

We've spent a lot of time over the last year going back and forth on whether the Affordable Care Act is a good or bad idea -- but the fact is, it's here now and we might as well use it to our advantage.

You can read more about how the Affordable Care Act could affect you and your family by checking out this breakdown from the White House. The Kaiser Family Foundation also has a very helpful, non-partisan website with tons of easy-to-understand information on the Affordable Care Act.

Personally, I'm most excited about the provision that allows my kids to stay on my health insurance plan until they're 26 ... What about you?

Graphic via WhiteHouse.gov

Should Police Have Done More to Find Missing Women?

Wed, 08 May 2013 10:26:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

After yesterday's amazing report that three women, all missing for a decade, were found alive, reports are emerging about the women's histories before their abductions -- and in at least two cases, it seems like more should have been done to try and find them.

No Amber Alert was issued the day Gina DeJesus went missing in 2004, because no one saw her abduction. This angered her father, Felix DeJesus. He said Amber Alerts should be issued for any child, whether police believe they've run away or been kidnapped.

Meanwhile, Michelle Knight's disappearance in 2002 was treated with even less concern.

Michelle's life had been on a downward spiral since she was assaulted at school at the age of 17, according to her mother. She got pregnant soon afterward and ended up losing custody of her son. When she disappeared on the day of a custody hearing, police theorized that she had left voluntarily because she was upset about the custody battle:

The Cleveland police's missing-person report detailing Michelle Knight's disappearance is brief, stating that she had a mental condition and frequently was confused by her surroundings. She was last seen at a cousin's house near West 106th Street and Lorain Avenue, the report states.

Despite the police report, her mom was convinced that her daughter had been kidnapped, and continually canvassed the city looking for her daughter, even after she moved away from Cleveland. Tragically, Michelle's mother is still waiting to reunite with her daughter -- police haven't even told her how to get in contact with Michelle, now that she's out of the hospital.

In both of these cases, the women's parents were certain that their daughters had been abducted, while police seemed to take their disappearance far less seriously. This has to make you wonder about all the other missing women out there who are treated like runaways. Often, we see their parents on the news, swearing up and down that their daughters never would have left on their own. Perhaps it's time for detectives to begin taking these parents more seriously.

I'm also interested in Felix DeJesus's belief that even runaways deserve an Amber Alert. As a parent, I'd want the same for my child, but I could also see Amber Alerts being issued all day, every day if runaways were included, and I'm not sure they'd have the same impact on the public that they do now.

What do you think about the way these women's disappearances were handled? Should police have done more to find them? Why do you think police seemed so unconcerned about these missing women?

Family Goes One Year Without Buying Anything (VIDEO)

Thu, 02 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Could you go a whole year without buying anything that's not essential to your survival?

The Dannemiller family in Nashville, Tennessee, is doing it. Four months in, they've learned some tough (and a few hilarious) lessons about what really matters in life. Check out our Moms Matter video report and see for yourself how they're doing.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Now that you've seen the video, here are a few behind-the-scenes facts we couldn't fit into the video story.

-The Dannemillers were inspired to go a year without buying after reading the book, The Power of Enough: Finding Contentment By Putting Stuff in Its Place.

-Their rules: "Essentials" include food, toiletries, and emergency house/major appliance repairs. It also includes Internet access, since both rely on the Internet for their jobs. It does not include clothing, haircuts (fortunately, a family member cuts their hair for them), or minor appliances.

-Although they aren't buying presents for their children ("experiential" presents that they can enjoy together like a trip to the museum are allowed), they are letting friends and family buy them presents for birthdays and Christmas. They reason that the kids didn't sign up for this, and it's not fair to force them to go without birthday and Christmas presents.

-Surprisingly, the Dannemillers really haven't saved any money as a result of not buying stuff. They say it's probably because money has been freed up for them to travel more this year, so they've been visiting friends and attending out-of-town events they ordinarily might have skipped.

-They have "cheated" twice so far. They bought their son a new pair of sneakers after he wore the soles out of his old ones -- and they used a refund on a purchase to buy their daughter a new lunch box for the first day of school.

-The Dannemillers worried that their story might be taken the wrong way -- after all, plenty of people are going without because they HAVE to, not because they CHOSE to. They were very quick to emphasize the fact that what they're doing isn't difficult or a major hardship to their family. It's simply a way to remind themselves that "stuff" is not what matters at the end of the day.

-To give you an idea of how Gabby gets around the rules when it comes to kids' birthday parties: When her son came to my son's birthday party (which is how I found out what the Dannemillers are doing this year), they gave my son a big box containing Mentos, a two-liter bottle of soda (food, after all, is allowed!), and Internet-printed instructions on creating a 20-foot "geyser" science experiment. My 6-year-old son LOVED it, and called it "THE BIG EXPLODE." It was one of his favorite presents!

I loved reporting this story because the Dannemillers really made me think about "stuff" in a new way. Scott made a great point when he said that he's realized it's important to ask yourself if what you're buying is going to take time away from the relationships in your life. For women, even the act of shopping can do this. I have a little bit of money put aside and have been thinking of buying a Kindle Fire, but Scott made me realize that all it would do is ... take me away a little more from my family. I'm thinking now that I don't need that Kindle after all.

Now tell me -- could you go without buying "non-essentials" for an entire year?

Does Standardized Testing Hurt Our Kids? (VIDEO)

Wed, 01 May 2013 19:34:31 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

The last two weeks have been all about standardized testing, as far as my kids are concerned.

My third grade daughter spent last week taking TCAP tests. My kindergarten son is taking the SAT-10 this week.The stakes for these tests seem much higher than they were when we were kids, and across the country parents are responding by calling for change and even opting their children out of standardized testing entirely.

A few writers from The Stir got together today in a Moms Matter Google Hangou to discuss standardized testing. One has even pulled her child from her neighborhood's public school specifically because of the focus on standardized tests. Here's the video discussion --

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Want to know more about how parents are responding across the country to high stakes standardized testing?

-Carnegie Mellon University professor Kathy Newman chose to opt her child out of Pittsburgh's standardized test, the PSSA. She wrote this op-ed to explain why.

-Ilina Ewen and Pamela Grundy wrote this op-ed for their local paper in North Carolina, titling it "Our bubble-headed, zombie-creating reliance on high-stakes testing."

-Education Secretary Arne Duncan addressed the growing controversy over high-stakes testing in a speech to the American Educational Research Association this week. Here's the text of that speech.

-Some students in Chicago skipped school last week to protest high stakes testing there.

-The pressure high-stakes testing puts on teachers and administrators has led to an upswing in cases of cheating on reporting standardized testing scores.

Do a news search for "high-stakes testing" and you'll find story after story in media outlets big and small, of parents, students, council members, and school administrators complaining about the pressures and problems associated with their district's standardized tests.

Clearly, something something needs to be done.

What do you think about high-stakes testing? Is it stressing your kid out?

Jeb Bush's Own Mother Doesn't Think He Should Be President

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:48:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Imagine you're considered to be a top contender for the Republican presidential nomination in 2016.

Now imagine your own mother is telling the world she really doesn't think you should run.

That's exactly what just happened to Jeb Bush. In a Today show interview Thursday, Barbara Bush said that although she believes Jeb is the most qualified candidate, "We've had enough Bushes."

Do you agree with her?

Mrs. Bush's statement seemed to surprise her daughter-in-law Laura Bush and granddaughter Jenna Bush Hager, who were also sitting in on the interview, which took place before the dedication of George W. Bush’s presidential library.

When asked if she'd told Jeb of her feelings, Jenna jumped in and said, "Well, now! Surprise!"

Jeb Bush responded to his mother's comments in a brief email. His words: "Priceless indeed."

Somehow, I'm imagining him saying that with a grimace.

I suppose Barbara Bush is old enough now to speak her mind and not worry about the consequences, but I'd be a little ticked if I were Jeb -- after all, we like to imagine our moms are our number one supporters, no matter what.

If Jeb wants to run in 2016, though, he'll have to rely on his brother, George W. Bush for support. "Well, big Jeb, you know, he's got a decision to make," he told CNN's John King this week. "And if I could make it for him, it'd be, 'run,' but I can't."

Uh oh. I'm envisioning a bit of a family feud now at the next Bush reunion ...

So what do you think? Would you like to see Jeb Bush run in 2016? Or do you, like Barbara Bush, believe that we've had enough Bushes?

Image via World Affairs Council of Philadelphia/Flickr

'WSJ' Article Sparks Mom Blogger Outrage

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 16:58:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Making the rounds on Facebook today is a totally asinine article from the Wall Street Journal, called 'The Mommy Business Trip.'

In it, writer Katherine Rosman manages to reduce popular women's blogging, lifestyle and crafting conferences to a way for stay-at-home moms to party without their husbands or kids-- and by "party," I mean, sleep late, dance, tweet, and most importantly, raid the minibar.

In case you're having trouble visualizing such debauchery, the WSJ helpfully provided a graphic, with drawings of these so-called moms, all of whom appear to be visiting our planet from the year 1983.

The online version also includes a video interview with Rosman, who can barely conceal her eyerolls as she describes some of the most popular conferences, including Mom 2.0, which is taking place next week (and where our own Tracy Odell is speaking).

Predictably, bloggers are going public with their fury. See what they have to say after the jump.

Katherine Stone, author of the blog Postpartum Progress, was featured in the story, and admitted after reading the article that she had been wanting to crawl under a rock all day. On her blog on Babble.com, she wrote this in response to the WSJ article:

I apologize to all the women who feel minimized and condescended to by the piece, in particular the graphics that accompany it. I know we all don’t lay around in our hotel rooms on the ground gorging ourselves on crap. In fact I’ve racked my brain to think if I’ve ever laid on the floor of a hotel room for any reason, and I can’t come up with a single instance.

Agency executive Marcy Massura shared in the comments an e-mail she wrote to Rosman, detailing the many ways the article offended her. Some of my favorites:

-Do not call me ‘Mommy’ unless I made you.

-Can we talk about the 'Daddy Business Trip'? You know WHERE THEY DO THE EXACT SAME THINGS like dining out, drinking with colleagues and ACTUALLY GETTING WORK DONE.

-This article CLEARLY demonstrates how LITTLE WSJ thinks of mothers, our role in society, our value as entrepreneurs and our INTELLIGENCE.

Adrianna from Military Money Chica wrote:

Thanks for portraying my profession as a bunch of opportunistic, burnt-out-moms who have to dress a vacation in business casual to get out of doing the laundry.

As a "mommy" who has attended multiple blogging conferences, I have to admit that the WSJ article made my blood boil. I always return from blogging conferences with valuable new social connections and practical information about the business of blogging-- information I rely on for my career. I also get to spend time with other bloggers who've become close friends over the years. These are women who have similar professions and understand my life in a way that most of my friends at home just can't. I don't see how mom blogging conferences are different from any other business conference- We get new information, make connections, catch up with colleagues, and have a lot of fun while we do it. There's no need to apologize for that.

As for the incredibly condescending graphic, I'd like to state for the record that I have NEVER slept in at a conference (if anything, I typically have to spend the next few days after a conference catching up from a lack of sleep) and I've certainly never laid on the floor of a hotel room, gorging myself on the minibar. As Isabel Kallman pointed out in the comments of Katherine Stone's post, "Moms know that hotel carpets are gross."

I do hope that Katherine Rosman address the flood of complaints in a future story. I don't have high hopes for that, though.

What about you?

Image via Andreas Hagerman/Flickr

Thoughts on the Boston Marathon Bombing: A Moms Matter Hangout (VIDEO)

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 17:32:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Imagine how frightened you'd be if you got the news about the Boston Marathon explosions knowing that your own husband was there.

That was the reality for a CafeMom producer. She and a few writers from The Stir joined us for this week's Moms Matter Google Hangout to talk about the bombing and how it's affecting the nation's moms in particular.

Click through to see the video -- then tell us how you feel in the comments.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

It was interesting to me that all of these moms were across the board on whether or not the Boston Marathon bombing would affect their decision to take their families to events with large crowds in the future. Some moms said that staying away from large events would mean staying away from many life experiences that we want for our kids (sporting events and Disney World, for example). Other moms admitted that they would definitely think long and hard before they'd make the decision to bring their family to a large public event.

I believe that in the future, most moms will be at least a little paranoid at big events, scouring the crowd for people with backpacks who seem to be acting a little off.

And that's sad.

How do you feel in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing? Are you more worried about your safety now than you were before? Or are you resigned to the fact that this kind of thing is going to happen every so often, and you hope against hope that you and your family are not anywhere around when it does?

Was There a Media Blackout on the Gosnell Abortion Trial?

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:24:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

The testimony paints a picture worse than any horror movie plot:

-An abortion clinic infested with rats and smelling of cat urine, its basement filled with bags full of biohazardous material.

-A doctor, Kermit Gosnell, who allegedly illegally performed third trimester abortions, and allegedly cut infants' spinal cords with scissors if they were alive when he extracted them.

-Drains clogged with tiny body parts.

-Dirty operating equipment that wasn't washed between procedures.

-A patient who died after an overdose of anesthetic.

It's the kind of trial that reads like front page news -- but even though it's been going on now for five weeks, mainstream media has just now begun covering it.

And many are asking why.

Conservative news outlets have been covering the story now for weeks, and rightfully so -- I'm pretty sure Kermit Gosnell qualifies for the Worst Doctor of All Time award.

But mainstream media was silent on the trial for more than a month, prompting many online to begin shaming them for ignoring it. "So how many dead American babies does it take to make the news?" wrote Mark Steyn on the National Review's website. As a result, over the last few days, national newspapers and news networks have sheepishly announced that they would (finally!) be sending reporters to the trail.

Explanations as to why the trial hasn't been covered up to now ran the gamut. " I cover policy for the Washington Post, not local crime," explained the Washington Post's Health Policy editor.

This explanation was offered by Megan McArdle, a reporter for The Daily Beast: "It makes me ill. I haven't been able to bring myself to read the grand jury inquiry. I am someone who cringes when I hear a description of a sprained ankle."

Washington Post writer Melinda Henneberger was refreshingly frank about the lack of coverage:

I say we didn’t write more because the only abortion story most outlets ever cover in the news pages is every single threat or perceived threat to abortion rights. In fact, that is so fixed a view of what constitutes coverage of that issue that it’s genuinely hard, I think, for many journalists to see a story outside that paradigm as news. That’s not so much a conscious decision as a reflex, but the effect is one-sided coverage.

That makes far more sense to me than the other two explanations. And before you try and read into anything in this post: -- full disclosure-- I'm a moderate independent who personally would not choose abortion, but believes it's something each woman should decide for herself.

I do think politics entered into the decision to not cover this story, as much as I hate to admit it-- because in my experience as a television reporter, MANY journalists out there are concerned with reporting a story impartially and without bias-- and I know plenty of journalists who manage to keep their own opinions out of their reports. In general, I think the media gets a bad rap.

That said, regardless of politics this is clearly a story that deserves to be covered. No one on either side of the abortion debate is disputing the fact that babies were killed in this clinic- living, breathing humans who would have survived outside the womb if their spinal cords hadn't been snipped by this doctor or one of his assistants.

It's sickening. And I'm disappointed that it took mainstream media so long to cover the story.

How about you?

10 Top Makeup Tips for Moms in Their 40s

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 14:50:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

If you're in your 40s like Sandra Bullock, congratulations. Hopefully by this point, you're comfortable in your skin and have never felt more confident in your life.

That said, there's no doubt that physically, things have changed a bit since you were in your 20s -- particularly if you've had kids.

There's no need to throw in the towel just yet, though. You can look better in your 40s than ever before, with the help of a few top tips from professional makeup artists.

Check out their secrets after the jump!

1. Plan to spend more time on your face: What took you 10 minutes in your 30s should now take about 15 minutes.

Wash and Moisturize: You should wash your face once or twice a day with a gentle face cleanser. Use a daily moisturizer that contains SPF. Don't forget to moisturize at night, and don't forget to use a hydrating eye cream in addition to your moisturizer. It's more important now than ever.

2. Eyes: You will need to use an eyeshadow base or "primer" now to make sure that your shadow goes on evenly. I use M.A.C. Prep + Prime -- Laura Mercier also makes a great eyeshadow base.

Remember that you can use concealer just on your inner eye. You don’t have to extend it all the way out in a "ring." It looks more natural this way. Pro tip: Mix your concealer with a little eye cream for added hydration.

Don't get too dark with your eye makeup. Stick to cream eyeshadows and powders that are matte. Your days of glitter/shimmer are over. That stuff just accentuates wrinkles.

You can still be bold, just stay away from bright colors that make you look clownish. The trendy colors you used in your 20s probably won't look so good now. Move away from the pastel palettes and instead opt for browns and grays.

3. Brows: Continue to shape and fill in your brows. Don’t round your brows or make them look like an upside down Nike swish. Makeup artist Stephanie Trail says these are common mistakes that drive the pros crazy. Your arch should be 2/3 of the way across your eye (see last week's post for photos explaining this in more detail).

4. Lips: Your lips should be soft and plump. Use a lip plumper -- it doesn't have to be expensive, and it will help soften the lines around your lips that lead to feathering. Sally Hansen makes a lip plumper that many professional makeup artists use.

If you’re wearing lipstick, make sure you line your lips. Your liner should never be darker than your lipstick. If anything, make it a shade lighter.

5. Cheeks: The pros recommend using a light cream blush on the apples of your cheeks in your 40s, not powder. Continue to contour beneath your cheekbones with bronzer.

6. Face: Tinted moisturizers are a great option in your 40s. Don’t use really thick foundation, or foundations that are oil-free or matte -- they will settle in your pores. Powder foundation can settle in wrinkles; use it with care.

If you have a lot of lines around your eyes, keep that area moisturized and plumped in order to keep powder from settling.

As you age, the melanin in your skin changes. This means that you might need a different color foundation/powder in your 40s than you did when you were younger.

ONLY use powder where you need it. A loose water-based powder is best for the 40 and up crowd. Remember that your skin is drier now than it used to be -- you don't need as much powder as you once did.

7. Highlight: Using a highlighter will give your face an added glow. Dab a dot of highlighter and blend at the inner corners of your eye, at the corners of your mouth, over and under your brow, over your cheekbones, and down the bridge of your nose. Many pros swear by Yves St. Laurent Touche Eclat.

8. Don't forget about your neck: What goes on your face should also go on your neck, and even on your chest if it's exposed. Your neck and chest can give away your age if you let them.

9. Hydrate: It's more important than ever now to drink lots of water. This will keep your skin from getting dehydrated -- very important in your 40s.

10. Stay current: The makeup tips you used in your 20s are probably outdated now. Ask your friends for an honest assessment of your hair and makeup, and what you can do to update your look. Even better, schedule an appointment with a professional makeup artist (not a cosmetic counter girl) to learn what looks best on you now.

Most of these tips came from Stephanie Trail, the owner of Salon NFuse here in Nashville. Stephanie's done hair and makeup for lots of Nashville celebs and models -- the woman knows what she's talking about. Thanks for the advice, Steph!

Image via DJTomDog/Flickr

Obama Wants Your Smoking Habit to Help Pay for Universal Preschool

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 15:59:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

President Obama's recently-released 2014 budget includes an initiative that would provide universal preschool to low- and moderate-income 4-year-olds.

"That's nice," you're saying, "but how does he expect to pay for all that?"

Simple.

Obama wants to raise the federal tax on tobacco products.

I'm not generally a fan of raising taxes, but this plan sounds pretty good to me -- how about you?

I was part of a call this afternoon with Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, who gave more details on the plan.

If the initiative is successful, the federal government would partner with states, districts, preschool providers, and parents to ensure all children enter kindergarten academically on schedule. It would provide all low- and moderate-income 4-year-olds with high-quality preschool, and would give states incentives to serve even more 4-year-olds from middle class families. The initiative also promotes full-day kindergarten and high-quality early education programs for children under age four.

The President's budget also includes companion investments that would provide for home visits from nurses and social workers to families in need. The investments would also help preserve child care access and expand high-quality care for infants and toddlers through new Early Head Start-Child Care Partnerships.

The White House believes that the Preschool for All initiative will ultimately result in higher graduation rates, increased employment, better jobs, less reliance on public assistance, and lower crime as these preschoolers grow up.

"All of our proposals will be fully paid for and won't add a nickel to the nation's deficit," Sec. Duncan promised during the call. That's because the White House wants to fund this initiative by raising taxes on tobacco. Specifically, cigarette smokers could expect to pay a $.94 per package tax.

Well! There's never been a better time to stop smoking, has there?

The White House estimates the new tobacco tax would prevent 233,000 children from beginning to smoke.

"We must get better, we must get better faster, and we must get better even in these difficult economic times," Sec. Duncan concluded. He's right -- research shows that the US is 28th out of 38 nations that currently offer parents access to preschool.

Of course, there are critics of this plan, and of universal preschool. The Washington Post has a great article listing the pros and cons of universal preschool here.

And you can find an overview of the president's 2014 budget, including more on the Preschool for All initiative, here.

I personally like the idea of universal preschool. We reported recently on a low-income elementary school that's number one in the state of Ohio -- the teachers and administrators there believe that the TWO years of preschool their school offers has made a HUGE difference in students' testing scores, now that they're older.

What do you think of universal preschool? Do you like the idea of paying for it with higher taxes on tobacco?

Image via SuperFantastic/Flickr

Do You Curse in Front of Your Kids? (VIDEO)

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 17:47:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Do you swear in front of your kids?

Jacqueline Burt wrote a post defending cursing in front of kids here on The Stir recently, and it generated a LOT of conversation.

So for this week's Moms Matter Google Hangout, we decided to ask other writers from The Stir if they agree with Jacqueline. See what they had to say after the jump!

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

I have to say, I was surprised that these moms all felt cursing in front of the kids isn't that big of a deal.

For me, cursing in front of my kids right now is a big no-no. They're 6 and 8 years old and I know that my kindergartner son in particular wouldn't be able to resist repeating a curse word to his friends if he overheard me say it. I don't want to be the mom who gets called in for a special meeting because her kid that taught all of his classmates the f-bomb, you know what I mean?

I realize that my kids will hear the words at some point anyway, and I know from having raised two stepdaughters already that once they become teenagers, cursing will become a popular act of rebellion. But I want to try to be the kind of person now that I hope they'll be someday. I can't ask them to watch their mouths if I'm not watching mine.

That said, I don't really mind if other moms let the occasional curse word slide in front of their kids, and I definitely mess up every once in a while in front of my own children. But I feel guilty when it happens. It was interesting to realize that in this chat, anyway, I'm in the minority. These moms think a limited amount of cursing in front of the kids is no big deal.

Now tell me -- what do you think?

Newtown Turns Moms Into Gun Control Activists (VIDEO)

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 15:23:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

The Newtown tragedy was one of our nation's darkest days, and for moms, news reports about the shootings were especially difficult to take. After all, those children could have been our children. That school could have been our neighborhood school. Those teachers could have been our kids' teachers.

For days afterward, I walked around in a funk, crying at the slightest provocation. And as it turned out, I was far from alone. Across the country, thousands upon thousands of moms were reacting the very same way -- and today, as a result of that feeling, a nationwide organization of moms has formed that's dedicated to making sure a tragedy like Newtown never happens again.

Check out our Moms Matter video report after the jump. Then tell us in the comments if you think these moms could -- or should -- make a difference when it comes to gun control laws in America.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America can be found online here, and you can find out on the website if a chapter has formed in your area.

Here in Nashville, the group, which only formed a few months ago, now has more than 300 members. Local moms here have already visited legislators at the statehouse, made countless calls, sent out hundreds of emails, and held a stroller stroll to raise awareness about their organization.

I found it really interesting that this marks the first time most of these moms have taken on an activist role. I think their inexperience is exactly what makes them so compelling -- you get the sense that they're operating well outside of their comfort zone because they care so much about their cause.

I also appreciated their willingness to have respectful, open dialogue with moms who disagree with them. Every member I talked to, some of whom own guns themselves, said that their ultimate goal was probably the same as that of every other mom: to keep our kids safe. They all felt that with that in mind, finding a common ground with other moms was totally possible. In a world where so many seem consumed by their own opinions and unwilling to listen to those of anyone else, this was refreshing.

How do you feel about this group of moms? Do you think they can make a difference? Or do you believe they're going about it the wrong way?

10 Top Makeup Tips for Moms in Their 30s

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 12:17:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Last week, I gave you some of the pros' best makeup tips for women in their 20s. Now it's time to move on to moms in their 30s. Your needs change in your 30s and it's hard to know what to keep from your 20s regime and what to let go of forever.

Want some professional advice from a seasoned stylist to the stars? Read on!

1. Face. In your 30s, you're going to want to spend a little more time on your face. Plan on spending 10 minutes putting on makeup now, instead of the 5 minutes you spent in your 20s.

Start using primer now before putting on your makeup. It'll make everything go on more smoothly and last longer. (I use M.A.C. Prep + Prime, for example.) You can just use it on your t-zone if you don't want to cover your whole face with it.

You'll also want to start using concealer if you don't already. It's best applied lightly with a brush. Use it under your eyes and in your eyes' inner corners, as well as on dark spots and blemishes. Top things off with a loose powder. Every makeup artist I know uses Laura Mercier's translucent powder. It's really wonderful and light.

2. Eyes. In your 30s, start focusing more on your eyes and less on your lips. Steer clear of bright colors and sparkly, shimmery eye makeup. Stick with neutrals instead. You can use more liner in your 30s-- Just be sure and blend it in with your shadow. Also work on thickening those lashes, either with a volume-boosting mascara or individual false lashes if you really want to go all out. Just be sure and practice first before wearing them to an event. I have a great tutorial on how to apply them here.

My favorite 30s eye tip-- If you line your upper lid, make sure the line curves up slightly at the outer edges of your eyes and not down. That will lift your eyes, as opposed to making them look droopy.

3. Brows. You should be paying more attention to your brows in your 30s, making sure they are properly shaped and plucked or waxed. Use eye shadow that's a shade lighter than your brows and a brush to fill in your brows. Dont draw them on. Also, the pros say your brow should have a definite arch. Don't make your brows look round -- that's a common rookie mistake that drives makeup artists crazy.

At a loss on plucking? Use your tweezers, a pencil or your finger and follow this rule of thumb.

Your brow should start here.

Your arch should be here.

Your brow should end here.

4. Lips. Your lipstick will start feathering in your 30s, something that drives me crazy. To prevent this, I rub a little concealer into my upper lip line before putting on anything- This fills in the tiny lines around my lips and prevents feathering. You'll have to start wearing lip liner in your 30s to keep your lipstick from running (I love M.A.C. lip liner in Whirl. It's a perfect neutral.) Lip plumping serum also helps keep lipstick from feathering. Sally Hansen makes a great inexpensive one that lots of pros use.

Be sure your lip liner is not darker than your lipstick/gloss. That just looks awful.

5. Cheeks. Your cheeks get a little more complicated in your 30s. The pros recommend that you use a bronzing powder in the hollows of your cheeks to contour your face. Use a cream blush on the apples of your cheeks to give your face a little bloom. I actually use Nars Orgasm blush, which is a powder, and I think it's absolutely perfect.

6. SPF. SPF is vital. Find a moisturizer that includes SPF and wear it every single day, rain or shine.

7. Cleanse and moisturize.. Moisturizing your face is so important in your 30s. Use a moisturizer in the daytime and at night, and start using eye cream if you're not using it already. It's also important in your 30s to exfoliate. Many pros love the Clarisonic Electric Face Brush for cleansing-- If that's too expensive for you, there are plenty of knock-offs on the market that are much cheaper. If you use an exfoliating scrub, make sure the exfoliators in it are light and not too gritty.

8. Wax. You may need to start waxing your face in your 30s-- For some women, hairs start to appear on your upper lip, chin and cheeks. Makeup sticks to peach fuzz and makes it noticeable, so consider getting rid of it.

9. Stay fit. Exercising, staying hydrated, and eating right will help keep you looking youthful more than just about anything else you can do. You know it. Now do it.

10. Get professional advice. One of the best ways to make sure your look is current in your 30s is to schedule an appointment with a makeup artist. Avoid women at the makeup counters- Their main goal is to sell you products. Instead, book an appointment with a makeup artist at a salon and have him/her do your whole face and teach you how to do it yourself. Many women are now booking appointments for a few friends and bringing wine to make it a girls' night out. What a great idea!

Most of these tips came from Stephanie Trail, the owner of Salon NFuse here in Nashville. Stephanie's done hair and makeup for lots of Nashville celebs and models-- The woman knows what she's talking about. Thanks for the advice, Steph!

10 Top Makeup Tips for Moms in Their 20s

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 14:24:26 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

So. You're a mom in your twenties. Lucky you!

You probably have glowing, youthful skin, like the 20-something-year-old girl in this photo, and not even the tiniest hint of crow's feet.

Life is good.

But even a girl with flawless skin could use a few tips from the pros.

That's where I went to find out their very best makeup advice for moms in their 20s (and don't worry- I'll be addressing women in their 30s, 40s, and beyond in future posts). Check out their top tips after the jump!

1. Face. In your 20s, you probably don't need any foundation -- but if you insist on it, stick with something lightweight. Tinted moisturizer is good, or try a sheer foundation like M.A.C. Face and Body.

2. Eyes. Lucky you! You can basically try anything you want in your twenties, whether you like bold colors, shimmer and sparkle, cream eyeshadows or powders. Just keep in mind that you want your eyes to look young and fresh. Choose neutrals and pastels for daytime over darker colors. Unless you're going clubbing, less is more!

3. Lips. Once again, anything goes. Just keep in mind that if you're doing bold eyes, your lips should be soft and neutral. If you're doing a bold lip, make sure you're not wearing too much eye makeup. For day, opt for lip gloss or stain over heavier lipstick. You probably won't need to use a lip pencil in your twenties. Yes. I'm jealous.

4. Cheeks. Keep them pink and rosy. Powdered blush usually works best for the 20-something year old.

5. Routine. You shouldn't need to spend too much time on your makeup when you're in your twenties. Your makeup routine shouldn't take longer than about 5 minutes, unless you're getting ready for a special occasion. There's just not that much to do- You're already perfect!

6. Cleansing. Yeah, I know. You're really busy and your kids are probably small. But please, ladies. Don't go to bed at night without washing your face. It's really good for your skin and it'll keep you from getting those pesky pimples that you're still probably dealing with.

7. Moisturizing. I made the mistake of thinking I didn't need to moisturize in my twenties. Now, I wish I had. The better you take care of your skin now, the better it will look ten or even twenty years from now. Do as I say, not as I did.

8. SPF. Even more important than moisturizing is wearing SPF every. Single. Day. Every makeup artist I've ever met has driven this point home. This will help hold off wrinkles better than anything else. Many moisturizers have SPF in them now. Get one of those, and also look for SPF products that contain zinc. You'll thank me later.

9. Shimmer. If you've been wanting to try products that shimmer and glimmer, your 20s are the time to do it. They tend to put the spotlight on wrinkles, so women in their 30s and 40s generally need to avoid the sparkly stuff.

10. Love. Take it from me, at 37. LOVE the way you look right now. I was plagued with insecurities about my appearance in my 20s, and now I'd love to have that skin again. My 30s are awesome, but appearance-wise, everything was just a little easier when I was in my 20s. Take a deep breath and be happy with what you've got right now. Physically at least, it will never be this good again.

Steubenville: What We Learned (VIDEO)

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 08:36:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

The Steubenville teen rape trial is over, but it's still getting passionate reaction on the Internet, including many posts and op-eds from women who are sharing their own teen experiences for the very first time.

For our latest Moms Matter Hangout, four writers from The Stir got together online to talk about Steubenville, why it has struck a chord with the American public, and how we plan to use it as a lesson for our own children when they're teens.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Participants today included Jacqueline Burt, Sasha Brown-Worsham, and Mary Fischer.

If you're interested in seeing some of the online responses to Steubenville, here's some relevant reading:

-I Was a Drunk Teen Girl, But I Wasn't 'Asking for It,' The Stir

-Waking Up to the Enduring Memory of Rape, New York Times

-Steubenville: This Is Rape Culture's Abu Ghraib Moment, NewStatesmen

-Lessons From Steubenville, Suburban Turmoil

-Was It My Fault, Scary Mommy

One of the most interesting things that came out of our discussion was the widespread need to educate our sons not only on what rape is, but also that standing by knowing that it's possible, imminent, or actually occurring is absolutely not okay. We want our sons to learn to stand up for women, and to see every girl at the party as someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's future wife.

What do you think about the public response to Steubenville? Will you use it to talk to your own children about rape?

Unforgettable Video of Girl With Down Syndrome's Miracle Game (VIDEO)

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 13:33:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

I've done a LOT of stories for Moms Matter, but this one has got to be my all-time favorite.

Twelve-year-old Abigail Kidd was born with Down Syndrome, and a host of other major medical problems. The doctors said she wouldn't live past the age of 1. Not only did she prove them wrong, she recently earned a spot on her school's basketball team -- and at the first game, well, you won't believe your eyes.

Click through to see the unforgettable video.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Well if that didn't make your day, nothing will.

We see so many negative stories about tweens and teens today. Isn't it refreshing to see a group of girls who went above and beyond to do the right thing?

We especially loved the girl on the opposing team who stopped to give Abigail a hug after she made the shot. That's exactly how I hope my own daughter will be some day.

More and more, these moments are being caught on camera and uploaded to YouTube. I hope they inspire more tweens and teens to help others who need a hand in life.

What do you think of Abigail Kidd and her team?

Horrible News: Crop Tops Are 'In' This Spring

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 12:57:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

One part of my body that I 'sacrificed' for the sake of my children was my stomach. Things pretty much went back to normal after I had my daughter, but after giving birth to my son, a 10-pounder, I had to come to terms with the fact that my tummy would never be what it once was without the help of plastic surgery.

This to me is no biggie -- I mean, that's what Spanx and shapewear swimsuits are for, right? But now comes this awful, horrific news: Crop tops are all the rage for spring.

Crop tops.

I'm imagining groans of horror from 95 percent of the moms out there. Are you one of them?

MTV Style is calling the crop top a "must-have" for the spring season -- but I'm assuming most of this blog's readers are teens, who've never seen the horror of a postpartum, stretched-out navel.

Hollywood Life tries to be a bit more helpful and realistic, offering up this advice to those of us who don't like to bare our tummies at the supermarket:

While you may be uneasy about the idea of showing some skin, don’t fret! The trend can actually work quite well on a variety of figures. The most flattering way to rock the look is with a high-waisted skirt, high-waisted shorts or trousers.

Wait a second. Hold up. High-waisted shorts or trousers? Are you for real? I'm sorry, but the day I turn up in a pair of high-waisted shorts, call my doctor. It's time to up my meds.

(Which are, if you must know: Claritin. I suppose allergy season could technically cause pollen-induced hallucinations that lead to the putting-on of "high-waisted trousers." But still. I think my doctor would want to know.)

My "expert" advice? Unless your name is Jillian and you spend hours on your abs each day, leave the crop top trend be. It didn't look good in the '80s and -- surprise! -- it still doesn't look good today.

I'm always open to hearing other opinions, though. What's your take? Will you wear a crop top this spring?

Image via Charlotte Russe

The Mommy Wars, Revisited. Again. (VIDEO)

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 12:17:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's new book Lean In has re-ignited the Mommy Wars, according to national news outlets -- but many women online are complaining that the whole idea of the Mommy Wars is a media construct.

Our writers from The Stir got together to discuss the whole thing in this week's Moms Matter Hangout. Check out the video after the jump, then chime in with your own thoughts in the comments!

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

There's a lot to talk about here, that's for sure!

Here's One Really Good Reason to Skip That Bikini Wax

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 21:51:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Can't find the time for that bikini wax?

Well, maybe it's a good thing.

Doctors warn that shaving or waxing the bikini area can lead to a virus called Molluscum contagiosum -- and you won't believe what the virus leaves in its wake.

Doctors are seeing an "explosion" in the number of cases of the virus, which causes water warts -- small pink bubbles that can break out all over your body.

Do you feel the immediate need now to cancel that Brazilian appointment? Go ahead and do it. I'll wait.

Back now? Okay, good. Let's continue.

This virus can also be transmitted sexually. The water warts tend to spread over the victim's abdomen and/or thighs. (Is victim the right word? Because I just feel like these poor people are victims.) I really feel for the poor people who've come down with this virus, because you know many of them got their bikini line waxed specifically so they could either wear a bathing suit in public or so that they could feel groomed in front of a special someone. Well, nothing ruins both of those scenarios like a whole bunch of WARTS, right?

If that's not enough to make you think twice about waxing your pubes, Jezebel cites a study that shows pubic hair grooming-related emergency room visits are on the rise.

I'd hate for any of you to end up in the emergency room because of a pubic hair grooming incident.

What's the answer? Going au naturel, I guess, although I realize that most of you are against it. At least if you notice small pink bubbles "down there" after your next Brazilian, you'll know what it is.

You're welcome!

Does this virus make you think twice about getting a bikini wax?

Image via love Maegan/Flickr

One in 50 Kids Now Have Autism

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 11:14:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

If you're not already completely freaked out by the number of kids diagnosed with autism, get ready -- the latest numbers are out today and one in 50 school-aged children have autism.

Last year, it was one in 88. People. What is going on?

I really don't understand why the general public is not absolutely up in arms over these rising numbers. One. In. Fifty. This is not okay!

According to USA Today, the numbers are higher because of different counting methods:

The study looked at children ages 6-17 and was based on parent reports, while last year's study looked at 8-year-olds whose diagnosis was noted in school district or other official records.

But experts also say that this study proves we're going to need a lot more autism services for kids than we thought.

Another interesting aspect of the survey is that boys are four times as likely as girls to have autism.

And some experts say that autism in kids hasn't actually increased. What's really changed is that we've gotten better at diagnosing it.

I'm tired of hearing this line, though. Look around you. Is it not COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that autism is on the rise? I have so many friends who have kids with autism -- I think back to when I was a child and I can't remember knowing many children at all with autism, or even kids who had symptoms that would possibly indicate autism. Even more telling to me anecdotally is the fact that my mother was a special education teacher when I was growing up and had hardly any kids with autism or symptoms that might now be indicators of autism. A few years ago, she volunteered in her church nursery and was astounded at the number of children with autism. The church even had a special volunteer effort so that each child with autism would have his/her own helper during the service. This is just one small example of what I'm sure many of you are seeing around you.

People don't like the use of the word "epidemic," but that's exactly what I'm calling it. Autism is an epidemic, and it needs to be treated like one. We need more funding for research and treatment and services -- and we need to figure out what's causing it. Like, NOW.

What do you think about these new numbers? Are you as bothered by them as I am?

Image via Beverly & Pack/Flickr

Spanx and a Real Housewife Face Off in Court!

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 14:27:43 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

Two of moms' most favorite topics -- Spanx and the Real Housewives -- are linked together now in one very weird way.

Former RHONY Housewife Heather Thomson has a shapewear brand called Yummie Tummie, and she's now suing Spanx for patent infringement.

The way it's all going down is worthy of its own plotline on the Real Housewives series!

According to Karyn Monget at Women's Wear Daily, Thomson "received a package at her Seventh Avenue offices that contained an anonymous note and a control tank top bearing a Spanx label which the note claimed was being sold on QVC."

Thomson says she recognized the top as a Yummie Tummie design, and sent a letter to Spanx claiming that the company was infringing on her patent.

Spanx, as you might imagine, filed a statement in court saying it didn't infringe on the Yummie Tummie patent. It released a statement to WWD, saying: “Spanx was making shaping camisoles long before Yummie Tummie. We have no further comment. The papers filed in court provide our position at this time.”

What I want to know is WHO sent the mysterious package?! Who? Who? Who? I like to imagine it was some sort of shapewear double agent- an impossibly thin, 40-something-year-old woman with a botoxed brow and a collagen-enhanced grimace. She was probably dressed in designer black and oversized Chanel sunglasses when she mailed the package. Once it was on its way, she rushed off, looking around furtively to make sure no one saw her, pausing only to rub her hands together and laugh as she grimly imagined the havoc about to be wreaked in the hush-hush world of women's shapewear.
Or maybe I just need to get out more. Adding to the drama, Thomson has published a letter to Spanx founder Sara Blakely on her website. It reads in part: Until now I have had only respect for the growth of your Spanx business. Unfortunately, rather than showing me the same respect, you and Spanx have deliberately and willfully infringed on my patented inventions. We brought this to your attention expecting you to stop. Instead, you've chosen to sue us, no doubt thinking your massive company could intimidate ours. We have successfully enforced our design patents in the past and will continue to do so. Whoa. Thomson, according to Business Insider, sued Maidenform Brands back in 2011 and won $6.75 million dollars. But it seems like in general, shapewear infringement lawsuits would be tough to prove. I've tried lots of different shapers and slimmers over the years from many different brands, and frankly, they all seem sort of alike. What do you think? Does Heather Thomson have a case? Image via Spanx.com

Why Can't We Admit That Our Lives Aren't Perfect?

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 11:26:00 EDT

Post by Lindsay Ferrier

A post on the New York Times blog Motherlode is getting lots of buzz today. In it, the divorced mother of young children writes very honestly about watching other family's lives around her, on Facebook and in real life, and wondering if they're as happy as they appear or if they're merely struggling to maintain a facade of perfection.

Amy Lawton writes:

Why is it so hard to have honest conversations about things that really matter? Not politics or books or current events – those things are easy to talk about. It’s our own vulnerabilities that get stuck on our tongues. Is this true just for me?

How would you answer her?

Lawton did a fantastic job of writing about this issue by being vulnerable and open in her post, admitting that she's not at all happy with her divorced status, that she envies the families around her, and that the nights without her children seem to last forever.

But the larger issue she writes about has bothered me for years. I know that my own life is far from perfect -- I struggle as a wife, as a mom, as a stepmom. I struggle with my purpose in life and my direction. I struggle mightily to find happiness. Yet people outside my home probably would think things appear to be just wonderful.

Is this true for you, too? Why do we all feel the need to constantly convince others that we're "fine?" We're "happy?" We're "okay?"

Even when we're not.

I think the uncomfortable flip side of this issue is that most people don't really want to be around a person who's down and openly admitting it. We call them whiners ... complainers ... Debbie Downers. We're shocked by the things they admit in the car rider pick-up line or on Facebook. We're judgmental. Everyone gets a pass to complain once in a while, of course, but when someone seems to be down a lot, that person is generally avoided by others. It's sad but true.

All this doesn't really make me want to run to Facebook and write about my troubles any time soon!

Those are my thoughts on the matter. What are yours? Are you a "creeper" like Lawton, watching other families who seem to be happy together and wondering if you'll ever have that kind of happiness as well? And why do you think we have such a hard time being honest with each other about our lives?

Image via alubavin/Flickr