The Stir By CafeMom: Blogger Michele Zipp

5 Foreplay Ideas That Will Drive Your Man Wild

Thu, 16 May 2013 20:30:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

There's more to sex than just sex. It can't just be an "insert here" and five minutes later be over. I guess, it can -- quickies are fun sometimes -- but not every single time. Enter foreplay! The thing we want to do but sometimes just don't have time to do but we really should do more often because it feels amazing.

I'm not just talking about your typical foreplay here either. Though finger play and oral can be totally mind-blowingly fantastic. Here are a few ideas to get you and your partner super hot for each other and halfway to orgasm.

Image via ekelly89/Flickr

Sex Supposedly Gets Better With Age - Are You Buying It?

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I think we all have hangups, particularly when it comes to our bodies. We think our belly is too jiggly, our butt too squishy, boobs too floppy, whatever too whatever-y. And that affects our sex life. If we're not confident with our bodies, how can we be confident rolling around naked with another naked body? It's why some will only have sex with the lights off or with a shirt on. But interestingly, while our bodies may have been firmer, smaller, or some twisted form of what we thought was better back in our 20s, our sex lives get better as we age.

Burn that into your brains 20-somethings! Old people sex is hot! They don't call it your dirty 30s for nothing. And while we're at it, let's call the next decades the f*&king fabulous 40s and 50s. A new study gives us proof and explanation of these totally sexy and exciting details on why we shouldn't fear getting older.

Researchers in the US polled over 2,000 men and women and found that sex gets better with age, particularly for men, but also for the ladies. Men are most sexually confident between the ages of 50 and 69 and women reach that peak between 18 and 29. But that's considering the law of averages. It varies, of course, and depends on each person's unique situation. The factors of why sex gets more awesome with age are very telling.

Essentially we worry less as we get older. When we're young we're sometimes so consumed with how we look and keeping up with the other hot, young biddies who look flawless in push-up bras and mesh thongs. The older we get, the more we have a "take me as I am" kind of attitude. Yes, confidence. This goes for both men and women -- just 34 percent of men are worried about gray hair or any of those physical signs of aging, compared to 56 percent of women. Ladies, we need to relax. Men aren't so worried, therefore we shouldn't be either. Who's with me in embracing my gray hairs?! You will be paid in sexual rewards if you stop worrying. I swear.

The less self-conscious you are when it comes to sex, the more you will enjoy it. And I think I can speak for many women in saying that we get more confident as time ticks by. This also translates into how adventurous we get when it comes to sex. A survey of women over 45 revealed that 89 percent like sexual variety and having sex in many different positions and places, including the garden. Sexy! And perhaps best of all is that older women are more likely than younger women to reach orgasm, not just once but multiple times. Now that's something every 20-year-old can look forward to when pondering her 40s.

What also plays a role here is the ability to trust. When we're young, trust is sometimes hard to earn. With age comes knowledge and long-term relationships, so trust grows, allowing some to really let their guard down and let go, opening the door to the best sex ever. For many women, sex is just as much about the mind as it is about the body, particularly when it comes to reaching orgasm. Sensuality -- isn't that the best word ever? Older women have that. We also don't have as many hangups and we're not afraid to ask for what we want between the sheets. And if you don't already know or ask for what you want, it's time to find out. There are multiple orgasms waiting to be had.

What do you think? Does sex get better with age? Why do you think it does?

Image via Marina Aguiar Araujo/Flickr

Disney Princess Merida's 'Sexy' Makeover Doesn't Worry This Mom

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:50:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Most of the time when people get makeovers, it's a happy thing. A boost to the self-esteem. A stellar moment bringing out a better you, in turn giving you more confidence. But when a Disney princess gets a makeover, some kids might shed tears, and parents, well, we do what's expected of us -- have an adult-sized temper tantrum.

I'm the one who loves Tattoo Barbie and Drag Queen Barbie, so I'm not going to have an issue with Brave's Merida showing a little more decolletage. But her makeover is more than just a little more skin.

Merida's dress certainly has more sparkle, her waist looks smaller, and she seems to be wearing a lot more makeup. Those eyes! What's her secret? She looks less tired. Her hair has definitely been tamed with some anti-frizz serum. She looks older. Perhaps she got her first period. She might be going through a new discovery phase ... the discovery of lipstick and eye-popping mascara. She's -- as much as I hate to say it -- sexier. And sexy is apparently a very bad word according to some.

More from The Stir: Tattooed Barbie Is Nothing to Freak Out About

Disney unveiled this change to their 11th princess and child development experts are concerned. "This one character may not do any damage to a girl's psychological development, per se," Dr. Robyn Silverman told Yahoo. "But Merida joins a barrage of thin, sultry characters for girls, making her yet another facet of our sexed-up, thinned down messaging." Yikes!

The movie is called Brave, and Merida certainly was with her bow and arrow and adventure-seeking personality. But does this new look mean she can't still be adventurous? Does this mean she's just interested in seduction and finding the dress with the most sparkles? As a girl-turned-woman who loves heels, frilly girly things, showing off decolletage, and anti-frizz serums, I can tell you I can love all those things and still be adventurous and brave. We shouldn't stereotype people, and we surely shouldn't stereotype Disney characters to our children. What message does that send? Merida didn't turn into a slut because of a little makeover. Being brave doesn't have one look. Being physically alluring doesn't mean your brain is vacant and you can't be strong with good self-esteem and a love for the outdoors.

Still, whenever anyone gives a makeover to any animated character, it's confusing. As a kid I remember noticing Mickey Mouse's voice was different in some episodes. That kind of messed me up. Why is he talking different, I wondered. What happened to him? And have you seen what they've done to Strawberry Shortcake these days?! But we all grow up and change, even animated folks. Someday even our little kids will be driving cars, putting on too much makeup, and taming their unkempt hair like we unsuccessfully tried to do all through preschool. Maybe we just dislike change -- kids and adults. But change can be good. And looking "sexier" doesn't have to be a bad thing. We just need to take our minds out of the gutter.

What do you think of Merida's makeover? Does it bother you?

Image via Disney/Pixar

4-Year-Old Belts Out Bruno Mars' 'When I Was Your Man' (VIDEO)

Tue, 14 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I love me some Bruno Mars. I know every word to "When I Was Your Man." Emo song about love lost. "I should have bought you flowers and held your hand. Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance. Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man." Oh, Bruno. You really know how to belt it out. And so does 4-year-old Kai Langer from Woodland, Texas.

Little Kai was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show last week and did his own rendition of Mars' song. It was his second visit to the show -- the first time he covered "Grenade." Watch Kai in a signature Bruno Mars fedora hat belt out "When I Was Your Man." Better prepare yourself though -- you might smile so hard, you'll hurt your face.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

"I should have bought you fwowers ..."! Don't you just love the way little Kai sings? The hand expressions! The way his cute little face scrunches up! THAT FEDORA!! And then when he holds Ellen's hand to really emote the lyrics -- too much cute. I just love when kids know all the words to a song. My son knows most of the words to The Black Keys' El Camino album. I'm a proud mama.

Kai is a huge fan of Bruno's and even met him once on a plane. He told Ellen, "I was taking a nap and my mommy woke me up because she saw Bruno Mars -- she was walking to the bathroom. And Bruno said 'Hit it Kai.'" And the tot sang for his idol! Now if only I saw Dan Auerbach somewhere so my son could sing for him.

Great video, isn't it? Your face hurts from smiling, doesn't it? Best thing you've watched all day, right?

Sex Confession: Wife Gets Frisky on Phone With Husband's Friend

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:30:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

Answering the phone is something we all do just about everyday. But one woman took her phone calls to a whole other level. Carrie-Ann* is a married mom of two pre-teens. She's been with her husband for "a thousand years" she says -- but really it's been nearly two decades. Her married is solid but a few months ago something weird has been happening on the phone with one of his friends. Something a little X-rated and totally wrong. But she loves it. I'll let Carrie-Ann explain.

It's so crazy this even happened with one of Roger's* best friends, but it did. And nothing else happened, I swear. All of the talking takes place on the phone. One day a few months ago Chris* called for Roger but he wasn't home at the time. We started talking like we usually do but there started to be a flirty tone somehow. I was talking about gardening and he said something about getting dirty and maybe my mind was in the gutter or something. Then a few days later Chris called again and Roger wasn't around again and there was definitely some major flirting going on. He told me how I must look so sexy working in the garden. I assured him I didn't but he went on to compliment me and I will confess that it really turned me on.

I hardly ever see Chris. Roger usually meets him after work or they do their thing on the weekends here and there. Chris is divorced -- not seeing anyone that I know of at the moment. We've all been friends for about six years now.

The calls continued. He even started calling when he knew Roger wasn't home. They got naughtier and naughtier and though I've never really touched myself while we were talking, I told Chris I was. They are the dirtiest, sexiest conversations I ever had with anyone and I feel terribly guilty but I also don't plan on ever acting out anything that was ever said between Chris and I. But I realize it's still a form of cheating. It would kill my husband if he knew. And now I don't know how to stop.

What do you think? How should Carrie-Ann end this phone sex affair she's having with Chris? Do you think it's cheating?

*Names have been changed.

Image via Sh4rp_i/Flickr

30 Deliciously Adorable Fruit and Veggie Names for Baby

Sun, 12 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

When it comes to picking a baby name, there is inspiration everywhere -- including what's on our plates. Food. Yes. A delicious place to look for potential names for your little yummy bundle of joy. And in case you didn't already guess, most of these names are a little unusual. So if you're looking for something other than Michael or Jennifer, this may be the list for you. (Note: I still love the names Michael and Jennifer.)

Don't worry, I left off Avocado, though I feel it's one of the most delectable, I worry it's just too out there for most. I think you're awesome though if that's what you named your child. Check out the list of fruit and veggie names -- some perfect for both boys and girls.

Fruits

Anjou (type of pear) Plum Apple Crispin (type of apple) Berry Peaches Quince Mirabelle (type of plum) Cherry Cerise Clementine Citron Huckleberry Lemon Gala (type of apple) Atherton (type of raspberry) Juniper (type of berry) Lychee Olive Persimmon

Vegetables

Aubergine Bean (Francis Bean Cobain) Pea Pepper Kale Okra Pinto (type of bean) Daikon Ginger Maize (corn)

What do you think of these names? Which one is your favorite?

Image via Rotfuchsin/Flickr

Amy Poehler Dating Nick Kroll Even Though He Is the Worst Character on 'Parks and Rec'

Fri, 10 May 2013 11:22:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I don't know about you but I was really bummed out when the news came out last year that Amy Poehler and Will Arnett were breaking up. They were married for nine years and at the time the kids were 2 and 3. I mean, if they can't make it ... who can? Apparently Rod Stewart has that secret. But! I wiped my tears when I saw how kick ass Poehler was at the Golden Globes just a few months later. She's got this divorce thing. She is going to be just fine. But now she's dating a douche.

"The Douche" to be exact. Real name: Nick Kroll. He plays The Douche on Parks & Recreation -- the radio host guy who Ann (Rashida Jones) dated and thought would be a good sperm donor. Baby Douche! The Douche went on to call Ann and Leslie (Poehler) lesbians on-air. Turns out he's really not so douche-y.

Clearly Amy has a type -- comedians. When not being The Douche, Kroll is hilarious on The League. He also has his own show on Comedy Central called Kroll Show and you've probably seen his face a zillion times on Best Week Ever.

Poehler and Kroll have been seen out on dates. Their most recent canoodle was at Pikey Cafe and Bar on Sunset in Los Angeles.

All of this of course brings up the question if she's moving on too soon? The split with Arnett happened just eight months ago. People are going to be talking. Personally I don't think we should pay attention to any of that. You can't help when things happen sometimes. If she's happy, then everyone should be happy. Friends close to her reportedly said she was looking for a guy just like him. Nick also recently tweeted a photo of him and Amy in character. I think they are adorable together!

What do you think of Amy and Nick together?

Image via Splash

Every Drop of Your Breast Milk Is Medicine. Don't Waste It

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:48:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Last week I was sitting at a table with my friend who is a doula and two mamas who had natural births. Over dinner, we were discussing breast milk. Wonderful, amazing, incredible breast milk. Great for babies, of course. It's sweet, we unanimously decided. And it cures everything.

Rashes, yeast, ear infections, pink eye, acne, cuts, diaper rash, sunburn, dry skin ... you name it. Wonder milk. Nature's cure made just by mama. It even kills 40 different types of cancer cells. It's amazing. We are amazing creatures for being able to make something that cures so much. Breast milk is medicine. And if you needed further proof, it was just discovered that it helps reverse antibiotic resistance and protects people from pneumonia and staph infections. Here we were for so many years throwing antibiotics at every little thing making the drug less effective, when we could have just done a few shot's of mama's milk and saved the antibiotics for when it's really needed.

It's all about the protein in breast milk. Researchers at the University of Buffalo believe it helps treat people with those nasty superbugs that cause pneumonia, MRSA, and staph infections. Plain old antibiotics don't always work because of years of overuse. That protein is called Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made Lethal to Tumor Cells, or HAMLET. We make this protein, ladies. Liquid gold it certainly is.

They discovered this when treating mice who needed less antibiotics to treat their sicknesses when combined with breast milk. Anders Hakansson, lead researcher and a UB assistant professor of microbiology and immunology, said:

HAMLET has the potential to minimize the concentrations of antibiotics we need to use to fight infections, and enable us to use well-established antibiotics against resistant strains again.

Miracles. Breast milk kills tumor cells and bacteria. The list of amazing uses it has just grows and grows. And they are hoping could eventually be used on humans to help cure people. Lactating mamas should think twice about pumping and dumping. Save that breast milk for the next time you or an adult has a cold or virus. We should also do whatever we can to increase our supply. Maybe someday there will be breast milk drives just like there are blood drives. Fascinating.

What do you think of this revelation?

Image via shingleback/Flickr

Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster Broke Up But Have the Secret to a Good Marriage

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:47:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Marriage is hard. Divorce is contagious. These are things we know. Fact. Also fact is Rod Stewart has a lot of hair. And good sperm since he made a baby at 65 and has eight kids spanning two generations. I mean he did sing the song Forever Young (original by Bob Dylan though.) He also seems to have this marriage racket down despite being twice divorced before he hitched up with Penny Lancaster who is 26 years his junior. She's 42; he's a sprightly 68. Rod's dishing about he and his third wife broke up for two weeks. Two whole weeks! It was after a huge fight and when you are made of money like Stewart is, it's easy to say I'm going to the house in Tahiti and you stay here in the Hollywood hills and let's see if this marriage is going to work out.

Lucky for them it created yearning. Rod has some secrets on making his third marriage a true charm.

They've been married for six years. Not too shabby. They have a 2- and a 7-year-old together. They got through the sometimes tough infant years. But some massive fight turned into a sort of trial separation. Romantic Rod kept a photo of Penny at his bedside during the whole time they were broken up so he could see her when he went to bed and as soon as he woke up. What a sweetie. Rod, being the perfectly aging rocker that he is, also took the time to find a little ditty about him missing his wife and covered Tom Waits' Picture In a Frame for his new album Time. The lyrics? "I love you baby and I always will. Ever since I put your picture In a frame."

Hey, whatever works. At least we're not looking at another divorce here for Mr. Stewart. He also gives some deep marriage advice -- aside from keeping photos close and covering love songs.

My relationship rule is, 'Don't argue after a glass of wine — leave debating until the morning.' I have always loved women, won some, lost some, but it's not about the magic touch, it's about being a better person and a good listener.

YOU HEAR THAT GUYS? BE A GOOD LISTENER! SOMETIMES IT'S THAT SIMPLE. AND YES I'M SHOUTING BECAUSE SOME MEN DON'T LISTEN AND I WANT THEM TO HEAR ME.

Rod also dropped some other nuggets of wisdom like you should never rush into marriage and not to get married before 30. Take the advice that works for you, of course.

What do you think of Rod's relationship advice? Have you ever had a short separation only to rekindle your love?

Image via Bruce Tuten/Flickr

Pregnant Women Deserve Special Treatment Not Discrimination

Thu, 09 May 2013 09:30:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

There are some who feel that pregnancy is not a disability. And it certainly isn't ... in most ways. But in the eyes of the law (and the land) perhaps it has to be seen as such in order for us to have rights. Let's face it: there are things we just cannot do when we are pregnant that we were able to do prior and after. And I'm not just talking about seeing our feet. Pregnant women deserve special treatment. We deserve the special parking space at the mall and the seat on the subway. And we deserve understanding from bosses or teachers. But we don't always get it.

There are women who are fired from their jobs for being pregnant. There are women who are in school, paying for a good education, only to be discriminated against because they are pregnant.

We deserve to be able to reschedule tests at school if they interfere with the fact that we are pregnant and about to give birth. With pregnancy discrimination on the rise, respect for pregnant women feels like it's at a major low. We don't expect some special red carpet rolled out every time we step outside, but we should be treated with respect and understanding. Empathy is a human emotion far too many lack.

There are situations where pregnant women lose their jobs and it's covered up by bosses by supposed "lay offs" or some sort of loophole where they don't blame pregnancy but it's clearly the reason. Last year a pregnant woman was fired for taking too many bathroom breaks. Hello empathy. Are you there?

Slate's Jessica Grose shed light on pregnancy discrimination when it comes to education. When Borough of Manhattan Community College honors student needed to make arrangements for the end of the semester because that was her due date, her teacher was not understanding. Interestingly it was a women's studies class. Gina Crosley-Corcoran aka The Feminist Breeder also discovered how her professors at a Chicago university weren't accepting her pregnancy and birth as an excuse to miss class. She learned we have rights. And it's called Title IX. Schools are required by law to allow pregnant students to reschedule exams.

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act should be also protecting the rights of women in the workplace, but the law doesn't fully protect us. Take for example nursing home activities director Victoria Seredny who was fired from her job because she was pregnant -- high-risk -- and could no longer lift or move heavy objects per doctor's orders. She sued and lost.

Seat on a subway, extra bathroom breaks, rescheduled tests -- I think we deserve all these things and more when we are pregnant. I hope The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's recent move to shed light on and correct pregnancy discrimination helps make some changes. But to start, I really think people need to get in touch with their human side more and show some compassion for life.

Have you been victim of pregnancy discrimination? Do you think pregnant women deserve special treatment?

Image via David Boyle/Flickr

Common Labor-Inducing Drug Pitocin Could Harm Your Baby

Wed, 08 May 2013 12:23:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Pitocin is too often given to women while at the hospital in labor. Watch almost any mainstream documentary type show on birth and you'll lose count how many times they say "pit." Pitocin is a drug. It's a synthetic hormone meant to mimic your natural oxytocin. We all know that nothing is as good as the real thing. Pitocin gives women more intense and therefore unnatural contractions. It tries to speed the body along in labor when it's not ready, often stalling it, and can lead to a c-section that probably wouldn't have happened if Pitocin was never given in the first place. Natural birth advocates know that there is an evil side to inductions and this drug, and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) have finally revealed the truth after an in-depth study.

Pitcoin is bad. It has adverse effects on newborns. It's dangerous for our babies and puts their health at risk.

There are always going to be times when drugs during labor are good and needed. And the same goes for Pitocin. But the way it's given out currently, it's misused and it's over-prescribed. It's perhaps seen as something to speed things along, when birth (in most cases) shouldn't be rushed. Up until now, many believed Pitocin to be generally safe for babies. Mom got the brunt of the side effects. But the ACOG had to admit the truth after researchers at Beth Israel Medical Center in NYC found that the use of Pitcoin increased a full-term newborn's risk of going to the NICU and resulted in lower Apgar scores.

More babies who were full-term had to unexpectedly go to the NICU for more than 24 hours when born to mothers who were given Pitcoin. Baby's Apgar score was also lower -- it's something used to evaluate a newborn's health just after birth looking at heart rate, how the skin looks, responses, muscle tone, and breathing rate. The babies born to mothers who were given Pitocin had lower scores -- less than 7 in most cases. A score of 8 and above is considered good health.

The study looked at over 3,000 full-term deliveries from 2009 to 2011. Primary Investigator Michael S. Tsimis, MD, said:

As a community of practitioners, we know the adverse effects of Pitocin from the maternal side but much less so from the neonatal side. These results suggest that Pitocin use is associated with adverse effects on neonatal outcomes. It underscores the importance of using valid medical indications when Pitocin is used.

Clearly, Pitocin isn't as safe as many thought. This hopefully will serve as a warning for doctors and nurses to stop giving it out to pregnant mothers unless it's absolutely necessary. And moms-to-be should know they have the right to refuse it as well. Interventions are not always needed. And when they aren't, what ends up happening is unnatural -- one intervention invites another intervention and far too many end up being given labor inducing drugs like Pitocin only to have their bodies (essentially their babies) telling them it's not time. They are not ready to birth. But with clocks ticking in a hospital, this is one of the big reasons the c-section rate is so high.

There is also a case where a newborn is believed to have gotten brain damage after his mother was given Pitocin.

On the heels of the American Academy of Pediatrics trying to scare people about home births, I'm so happy the ACOG came forward with this revelation. All involved with birth should get along, should learn from each other. Because this shouldn't be a war on who birthed "best" or most naturally. This should be about how can we birth babies and make sure they are safe and healthy -- with all the knowledge we know. For each woman, and each baby, that birth journey is different. But it shouldn't be unnecessarily hindered. We shouldn't be induced when we aren't ready to birth. We shouldn't be given drugs many of us don't need that ends up putting our babies' lives at risk.

Does this study change the way you view Pitocin?

Image via Jan de Graaf/Flickr

Kids Know More About How They Should Be Raised Than We Do

Wed, 08 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Experts tell us how to best bake a cake, change the oil in our car, turn on our lovers, and raise our babies. Guidance is good. So is inspiration. But when it comes to personal interaction, what too often ends up happening is we forget instinct. And no one knows pure instinct better than babies. They haven't read any books or have been corrupted by modern society. They often try to tell us something and we're not listening.

Think about it like this: If baby won't go to sleep at the time mom and dad say it's time to sleep, there are many parents who turn to crying it out to "teach" a child that it's bedtime. No exceptions. Some love ferberization, others don't. I'm not a fan. I listen to my children because I want them to listen to me. They have their own needs and by essentially agreeing to be their mother by creating them, I owe them that. They know more about what they want than we do, so we need to be all ears. But this is more than just about crying it out.

We don't always have time. Or rather, we don't make time. We're busy. We all have other things that need to be done. We need more help. These are all valid points and we all have to do what we have to do as parents. Sometimes it's the TV or an iPad in our kid's hand. But overall, what does it reveal about the priorities of modern society? Are we just too civilized? Jay Griffiths, writer for The Guardian, thinks we should leave our kids alone. She writes that modern parenting is making our kids miserable little beings who most likely turn into miserable adults. No one wants that. We all want our kids to grow up to be happy. Griffiths's examples are eye-opening.

In West Papua, New Guinea, civilized (like modernity) is a bad word. One of the local mothers there despises the thought of micromanaging children, which is sort of exactly what many Americans and Europeans do. The children there are free, they make their own "rules," and they also grow up to be more self-reliant, less susceptible to outside pressure. In other cultures and societies, when babies want to sway or rock, they don't get placed in a motorized swing like so many of us do here, they are in a rocking chair on mother's lap or tucked in a sling while mama walks. Maybe all this modernity is making us lose touch with our children physically and emotionally. Technology sure isn't helping.

I'm a mom of twins and therefore I sort of preach routine ... within reason. I'm all about natural parenting -- I breastfed into toddlerhood, we make smart food choices, we co-sleep -- but I'm also about doing what's right for my family. And my family includes what works for my kids. They like routine, but they also like straying from it. I think a loose routine could still be established even for the most natural practicing parent. We just have to ask what does our child need and how can we best fulfill that need?

Some argue that attachment or natural parenting practices condition children to be too dependent. But the opposite is true. A child who cries and wants to be soothed but is instead left alone, essentially ignored, learns to be alone. Maybe too alone -- and that can lead to uncertainty once adult. Children tended to and whose cries get responses learn independence because they know their family will always be right there beside them, emotionally not always physically, and that transfers as confidence. Griffiths writes:

Those who would overrule a child's will take "obedience" as their watchword, as they fear disobedience and disorder and believe that if a child is not controlled, there will be chaos. But these are false opposites. The true opposite of obedience is not disobedience but independence. The true opposite of order is not disorder but freedom. The true opposite of control is not chaos but self-control.

Giving our kids more freedom makes them happy. And what's happening in modern society is we are preventing that happiness. We aren't letting our kids be free -- free to do what they want to do, free to run in fields and have unstructured play -- but instead we are scheduling playdate after playdate not letting them decide on their own that they would perhaps rather just watch the frogs in the pond. Maybe they are watching too much TV, stuck inside, strapped down to everything too modern. We want happy kids not zombies who sit in front of television screens who grow up to bury their faces in iPhones, completely disconnected from real contact and interaction.

Unicef polled children in 2011 about what made them happy. The results were time (particularly with families), friendships, and outdoors. That unstructured play fosters independence.

Of course we can't just let our kids have their own way all the time -- though based on the Unicef poll alone, what they want is what we want for them. But for younger kids, it's different. If I let my kids do whatever they wanted, they would be running down highways trying to play tag with tractor trailers. But we can let them guide us just like we guide them. We can give them guidance to essentially keep them alive while they are on their independent endeavors. I truly believe that if we listen to our kids more -- even when they are babies and their only form of communication is smiling or crying -- they will also listen to us. We need to reconnect. We need to trust. Get back to basics. Nothing beats good communication. Our kids' lives and their happiness depend on it.

What do you think of giving kids more control or a say in how they are raised?

Image via wjklos/Flickr

Kids Who Haven't Been Vaccinated May Be Banned From Preschool

Tue, 07 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I'm afraid we've become a society with too much fear -- a crippling fear -- that we alienate those with different beliefs than we have. And this belief I'm talking about specifically is vaccinations. No one wants to get sick (well, maybe those who are into lollipop parties are the exception). No one wants nearly eradicated diseases to creep back and hurt anyone. We don't have to get all crazy and start banning children who aren't vaccinated from attending child care centers and preschools, do we? Or should we?

The Sunday Telegraph and Daily Telegraph in Australia are launching their own pro-vax campaign called 'No jab, no play' with a nod from the medical association. The vaccination rates in the suburbs of Sydney and Manly are below 85 percent -- a high rate is considered 95 percent. The goal is to stop no-vax kids from entering child care facilities and preschools, and to punish their "free-riding" parents (their phrase) who refuse or forget to get their kids immunized.

Dr Steve Hambleton told The Sunday Telegraph:

We need to lift the barriers, we need people to make an active decision to immunise because we have a responsibility to our children to protect them, and a responsibility to the community to contribute to herd immunity.

So what do we do here? Force vaccinations? Herd immunity is reportedly only fully effective if around 95 percent of the population is immunized. Is that even possible? What about the kids who really can't get certain vaccinations?

He goes on to say, "The free-riders will actually cause a disease to occur in vaccinated children whose parents did the responsible thing." Isn't that proof that our vaccinations aren't working?

Last year in my small town, one of the kids at a private school contracted measles after a trip overseas. The child was in school, but sent home. The proper precautions were taken and no other child was affected. So should we add that we should never travel outside of our country to the list on how to best protect our kids from contracting anything? Where's the bubble? Do we need to stay indoors?!

My kids are vaccinated. But I'm not afraid to let them play with kids who haven't been fully immunized. Nor am I fearful of letting my kids play with kids who have runny noses either. Germs don't scare me. Some of the chemicals in hand sanitizers do. I don't believe we should keep our kids in Purell bottles.

This is about choice. Parents should be able to choose not to vaccinate their kids. And perhaps that choice should also apply to private schools, specifically preschools and child care centers. Maybe they should have the right to refuse kids who haven't been vaccinated if they so wish. Would all preschools do this? I don't think so. How would this affect communities? I'm not so sure, but I'm sure it would create a divide. Oh your kids attend that preschool ... some moms would say with uncertainly and fear in their voices when meeting families that attend the "conscientious objector" or no-vax school. Some are even calling to change the anti-vax conscientious objector tag with "vaccine refusers." That's certainly to the point. Is this discrimination? In their quest to create herd immunity, are they bullying the anti-vax crowd? It seems they are. And the divide gets even bigger.

What do you think? Should preschools be allowed to ban no-vax kids if they wish? Should they not allow any of the loopholes parents use when they don't vaccinate? Do you vax?

Image via USACE Europe District/Flickr

Sex Confession: Husband Avoids Intimacy By Buying Wife 'Toys'

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Some men aren't into sex toys. Some men are. Those that are tend to like them because it's sort of like having a threesome without the complications. Sort of. Some women really get off by using sex toys -- why not make sure the woman is satisfied? But Lana's* husband Will* buys her sex toys because he doesn't want to have sex with her. She's not happy. Let's let her explain ....

I've been married to Will for 11 years. We have three kids. A house. A dog. Busy schedules. Will works a lot. He's tired a lot. I get that. I'm tired a lot too running three kids around to all the places they need to go. But I also need to connect with my husband. Not a vibrator. Will, however, thinks that should be enough for me. I feel like he buys me sex toys to use on myself as a substitute for him. He feels it's kind of his Get Out of Sex Free card. But I don't want sex toys. I want my husband.

It all started last year when I told Will I wanted to have more sex. We were only getting it on about once a month and I wanted more. Will told me he did, too, and he made an effort as did I to make more private time so we can be intimate. Soon after that he started buying sex toys every couple of months. I was excited at first, thinking we could use them together and we did quite a few times. But then the sex stopped. The buying of the sex toys did not.

He told me he thought having those toys would help me get the sex that I wanted without him having to participate ... because he's too tired most of the time. And that just made me sad. I was having fun using the sex toys with him, and I do like using sex toys alone, but I don't like the thought that my husband bought me sex toys to avoid having sex with me. Because that's essentially what happened. I spoke to him about it and he felt terrible but still doesn't understand why I can't just be happy with the sex life we do have and use one of the vibrators when he's not in the mood and I am.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, right? That's how I feel here. I'm wondering if I'm alone in questioning why he thinks this is okay.

What do you think? Should Will step up and have more sex with Lana? What do you think of him buying the sex toys as a replacement for him?

*Names have been changed.

Image via joaquinuy/Flickr

Doctors Are Trying to Make You Fear Home Birth

Sun, 05 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

You can read these home birth recommendations by the American Academy of Pediatrics and think something changed. And then it hit me what changed: home birth is on the rise. Essentially doctors who do not perform home births are trying to get us to fear birthing at home. If you are wondering why, I believe it comes down to money. Birthing at home takes us out of the hospital -- that means less money for them. So they put forward a grand statement to make people scared.

Remember, there are studies that show home birth to be as safe if not safer than a hospital birth. The AAP contends a hospital is the safest. Midwives aren't vagrant birth junkies living on the street. They are skilled medical professionals who come with all you may need in case of an emergency and a clear plan in the event a hospital visit is needed. The AAP statement elicits fear.

I can't help but think of the pushed c-sections. Convincing women they need Pitocin or Cervidil. The tense and sometimes impersonal atmosphere that just stresses women out causing them to have a difficult birth experience. All at a hospital.

I'm not hosptial averse. I am averse to pressure or scare tactics disguised as sweet little memos. Like this statement:

The AAP concurs with the recent statement from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) that the safest setting for a child’s birth is a hospital or birthing center, but recognizes that women and their families may desire a home birth for a variety of reasons.

Is it the safest setting? For every birth? Is there a one-size fits all when it comes to safety? No. A home birth is often better for low risk pregnancies. And of course parents should choose their midwife wisely and with research. Many home birthers have a midwife and a doula present. But then AAP admit how home births increased, and go on to essentially state the obvious, what every skilled midwife and doula knows. That "every newborn infant deserves health care that adheres to AAP standards" which almost feels like a knock to the standards of midwives.

Instead of causing unnecessary fear, hospitals should join forces with midwives. Doctors should look to home birth for inspiration and to fix what is wrong with hospital birth -- this way all of our choices on where to birth are really best choices.

What do you think of the AAP's statement? Would you or did you have a home birth?

Image via Nico Nelson/Flickr

Even When We Try to Do Right By Our Kids, We're Doing Wrong

Fri, 03 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Most of us don't want to be a helicopter parent. It just sounds bad. And annoyingly loud. Choppy even. Hover parent? Sounds awful as well. Overprotective. Overbearing. No. No. No thanks. But the reality is, sometimes we are despite our best efforts. Parenting is confusing. We work it out, though. Try to figure out the best course of action while we react to each action -- terrible, mediocre, fantastic -- of our kids. Some days it feels that everything we do is wrong. And sometimes it really is.

Two studies have come out revealing that things we do to protect our kids can actually be hurting them. It could make them more susceptible to bullying and in other cases give them unhealthy views of food, in turn increasing their risk of being obese.

My parents made me and my sister members of the "clean plate club." Well, they wanted us to be. Sometimes we were. I was kind of anti that for my kids thinking I was forcing my little ones to eat. I thought that was bad. A new study out of the University of Minnesota says that kids who had food restrictions had more weight issues, and more cases of obesity. That's not good. Someone told me a story about how two siblings were never allowed to chew gum when they were kids. They wanted gum so bad that they would find some under restaurant tables and chew that. "Food" restriction gone wrong.

So what exactly does food restriction mean? There are those of us who tell our kids they can't have juice or candy or chocolate and really stick by that rule. My world is currently crumbling. I am that mom. No juice! No sweets! I even scolded my in-laws when they sent a motherload of candy and chocolate for Easter and hid every piece, eating them myself or sending them to friends who eat it. I am screwing up my kids because of this when I thought I was protecting them from rotted teeth and bellies full of garbage. But creating too many of these "don't eat that" or "you can't eat this" sets unhealthy views of food. Instead we should tell them to eat (healthy choices of course), get them more involved in the food shopping and cooking, maybe even create a clean plate club. Noted.

And now about this bullying business.

In studies from England's University of Warwick, it was discovered that the kids of overprotective moms and dad were 10 percent more likely be victims of bullying. Essentially they feel that if parents are constantly intervening or not letting the child explore things on their own, they won't be able to stand up for themselves or be assertive enough. No autonomy. The researchers said, however, that we should still be involved and supportive, and of course show love and affection as it has positive outcomes on our kids. Doubly noted.

Until the next study comes out and tells us something different.

What do you think of these studies? Do you think being overprotective could make your child more apt to be bullied? What do you think about the food restriction study?

Image via Ross Griff/Flickr

Military Dad Meets Baby for the First Time and His Reaction Brings Happy Tears (VIDEO)

Thu, 02 May 2013 11:42:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

When your baby is born, the first thing you want to do is just hold that baby. Look at her little eyes and lose yourself in the miracle you created. Now imagine if you were a dad-to-be and couldn't be there for the birth.

That's what happened to Navy engineer John Kaniecki, 23, who has been in the Persian Gulf since August. His wife was just about four months pregnant when he was deployed. Baby Jade was born in January. And on Tuesday, three months after her birth, the proud papa finally got to meet his baby.

Kaniecki's face says it all. You can just see him melt the minute he saw his little girl. "She's so precious," he says and the happy tears start. "She looks so much like you," he softly tells his wife. What a beautiful moment. It was all captured at the Buffalo Niagara International Airport -- Kaniecki is from Western New York.

He told WIVB that he was one of those dads who showed everyone photos of his daughter while serving oversees. But photos are nothing compared to being with her in person. Jade's grandma Ellen Wanat said, "We've been waiting a long time for this. I'm just glad it's here. I haven't slept all night. So this is good." John's dad added, "He's been away for nine months now. So he did miss the birth of his child. It's the first time he gets to see her. So we're all pretty excited."

John only has a few weeks at home before he has to return to duty. Thank you for your service -- and thank you to all the sacrifices military families make. You are all heroes.

Did you get teary eyed watching this homecoming?

Twin Dad Takes Babywearing to Hilarious Level (VIDEO)

Thu, 02 May 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Watching twin dad Brian Rosenworcel struggle but eventually succeed at getting his babies securely in a moby wrap takes me back to those hazy early months of no sleep, learning how to juggle, and inadvertent bed head. Twins! They are wonderful and magical and amazing -- and they also make you do some strange things. Funny things. Things like Rosenworcel does with his twins Nico and Marshal.

Sure this video is disguised as a tutorial on how to put twins in a moby wrap -- not an easy feat as you will see from the several failed attempts. But it's also what this dad does after his little bundles are all tucked in safe.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

I did it wrong. Cut!

Give me the other one. Mom!

*Twin almost falls out* Cut!

Twins should always be dressed identically forever.

And then they strut. To "Staying Alive." Classic.

More from The Stir: 8 Stylish Slings for Every Type of Babywearing Mama

After doing a little googling, I discovered this dad was in the band Guster ... who I believe played a festival thrown at my college hosted by the radio station I worked at. I was involved in the planning. But I have twins, too, and therefore that means my memory is bad.

Nothing like parenthood (times two) to make us do some weirdly wonderful things. We can never lose our humor. Or our quirkiness.

What strange or funny things have you done since becoming a parent?

Image via YouTube

Sex Confession: Married Couple Goes to Friend’s House to Get It On

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 20:30:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

We all know how difficultt it can sometimes be to have sex in your own house when you have kids around. Some of us can get creative, but some of our kids are far too sneaky. Pauline and John* have three kids under 10, two dogs, and a cat. Someone always wants something. And naturally, Pauline and John really want each other. They have what may be the world's coolest solution: They go to a friend's house to have sex. It's a unique arrangement but it sure beats spending money on a hotel room. I'll let Pauline explain.

A couple of years ago, I was talking to my friend Amanda* about how it's hard for John and I to be intimate in the house. We do have our quickies, but we also like to have more than that sometimes, but with a full house it's not so easy. Amanda doesn't have any kids and she and her boyfriend don't live together. Amanda offered up her house, by arrangement, so we could have a sexual escapade for as long as we have the babysitter.

How it works is about once a month, I ask Amanda if a certain date works for her. She makes plans to be at her boyfriend's house and I make plans with the babysitter. John and I usually get take-out that night, bring it to Amanda's and have a romantic evening with just the two of us in the comfort of her home. We get to have sex for longer than 5 minutes and everyone is happy! Especially me. Quickies are fun but I cannot live on quickies alone.

Weird? Maybe. When I told another friend about it, she was sort of repulsed. I felt kind of embarrassed and assured her I wasn't telling her so I could have another sex den in her house. I avoided telling anyone else. It was actually Amanda's idea. And we've been friends forever. I'd do the same for her ... if I could. It's not like we are kids and making a terrible mess in her house. If we do, we clean up of course. It definitely beats the cost of a hotel for a few hours -- and is proof that good friends will help you out when you're in need.

What do you think of this confession? Do you wish you had a set-up like this?

*Names have been changed.

Image via Tawheed Manzoor/Flickr

'American Girl' Dolls Have Become So Un-American, It's Sad

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 09:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

There is so much more to the American Girl doll line than having one that looks just like your daughter. The company is now owned by Mattel, but belonged to Pleasant Company, which was founded by former schoolteacher Pleasant T. Rowland until 1998. The early American Girls wore historically accurate clothes and had stories of escaping slavery, living in the Depression, and ending child labor. The dolls were part of a six-book series with in depth plot lines and messages of strength, perseverance, and also carried a bit of controversy with headlines from that time.

Imagine if there was an American Girl doll who wanted to fight for same-sex marriage because she had two moms. Or one American Girl doll whose father was a veteran who served in Afghanistan and is facing post-traumatic stress disorder. Is that just too heavy? Certainly just as heavy as the original dolls' stories. Instead they are little carbon copies all about the matching outfits.

Sometime in 2008, the core historical dolls were no longer being produced. And like writer Amy Schiller says in her piece in The Atlantic:

These characters represent more than just the original characters of an iconic brand — their archiving represents a lost sensibility about teaching girls to understand thorny historical controversies and build political consciousness.

The company says they retire some Girls to make room for new ones, but they are forgetting the historical and ground-breaking roots of the dolls themselves. Instead they are made to look "just like you" and while that's cute, it looses the message and the potential to educate, make some waves, be ... radical. The dolls are more about cute outfits and blending in to some sort of mainstream -- perhaps even with blinders on.

What does this say about our society? Are we too worried to tackle the hot button topics with our children? Are we coddling them and instead focusing on pink butterflies and pretty hair barrettes rather than the stories that really affect our lives -- our future? Are we too afraid to talk about same-sex marriage, war, Wall Street, health care, or even events like Sandy Hook and the Boston Marathon bombings?

Generally, yes. Yes we are. So maybe our America is just different now. By forgetting what used to matter, we are doing a disservice to our kids, to our future, to their future.

I'm not exactly knocking the dolls -- they are adorable and kids love dolls that look like them. I sure did. My daughter does, too. But we should remember the past, and learn from it -- those lessons, particularly when using toys to bring them to our attention and into discussion -- are vital. Is that American?

Do you think American Girl (or another doll manufacturer) should bring back the historic dolls and add to the line with current issues?

Image via Jeff Sandquist/Flickr

10 Reasons to Consider Water Birth

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 11:14:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

There is so much to know about having a baby. For a lot of us, we just assume birth has to take place in a hospital. Sometimes it does, but it's not the only place to have a baby. There are of course accidental home births -- one of my friends had her daughter unexpectedly on the kitchen floor in her home. And there are planned home births, as well. Those are the kind of stories that remind me how we can trust ourselves and have faith in our ability to have a baby naturally, without issue, and without 398 nurses, residents, and doctors monitoring every second. If you think about it, all of that fuss just adds to the stress. Stress is the last thing you want when in labor.

Enter the water birth. Don't we all feel relaxed in water? Who doesn't love a hot tub? Water births can happen at home or in a birthing center or hospital that has this type of service. And they have amazing benefits. I've got the facts on having a water immersion birth.

1. Water is known to bring pain relief. Generations of women once gave birth in shallow sea water -- the therapeutic effects of water certainly don't have the side effects of labor drugs. The first modern birth pool was built by Russian boat builder Igor Tjarkovsky in the 1970s who, seeing the benefits, installed a glass tank in his home so women could birth with ease there.

More from The Stir: 8 Tips for Managing Labor Pain

2. Michel Odent, a French obstetrician, took water birth to another level by installing a plastic paddling pool in a hospital so women could birth in water and use less painkillers.

3. To address the naysayers who quip "women aren't dolphins," we have to also remember that we aren't birds but we still fly in planes or hang gliders.

4. In Australia, the New South Wales Department of Health has a goal of having all maternity services (including hospitals) in the area to have birth pools available so women have the option by 2015. This is in response to the rising and problematic c-section rate.

5. The UK has also recommended all women to have the option of a water immersion birth at their maternity units after the revelation that the buoyancy of water allows women to move more easily, change positions better for birthing, and that along with the warmth brings relaxation and hormonal surges that are natural pain relievers.

6. Evidence has emerged that water births could improve blood flow in the uterus, give women less painful contractions, keep blood pressure low, and decrease the risk of a long labor and the need for intervention.

7. Babies born when mom is in a semi-seated position have lower APGAR scores (less than 7) as compared to water birth babies.

8. The benefits are also psychological. Being in a pool to birth makes us feel more in control, and the pool acts as our own little world, giving us a feeling of safety in our own space.

9. Some worry that a water birth could harm baby if she tries to breathe in the water as she leaves the birth canal. Healthy babies have bradycardic response, which signals a newborn to hold her breath under water.

10. Trials have shown that water births decrease the risk of major perineal trauma or tears and hemorrhage over some more traditional birth positions outside of water.

Would you consider a water birth?

Image via lincoln-log/Flickr

Moms Have More Friends Than Non-Moms: What's With the Loneliness?

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 09:55:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I have two kinds of friends: Mom friends and the friends I had before I became a mom. And never the two shall meet. That's not true. They have met. Sort of. But I think everyone has different sets of friends. I have more than two sets. We all do. We have the friends from our past. Work friends. Facebook friends. Super close friends. All kinds of friends. And we don't always hang out with these friends together. When you become a parent, you end up gaining even more friends -- other parents. When you become a mom, the amount of friends you have goes up.

This leaves me confused. I am the one who said that motherhood is lonely and essentially whined about feeling isolated. But I do have more friends now than before. What the heck is going on?

Based on the information received from a survey commissioned by Natures Purest, women without kids have an average of 13 friends. But mothers have 22 friends. That's 9 more friends! Most of those new friends are -- you guessed it -- other moms. This shouldn't be an a-ha moment. Of course the amount of friends you have goes up once you become a mom -- you bond during birth classes, at the mommy and me, at the playground. And these new friends often are going through exactly what you are going through -- the spit-up, the teething, the figuring out how to have a baby on the hip and still fold the laundry. Commonalities. Important for friendship.

I'm lucky and have met some incredible mama friends since becoming a parent. So what's with this loneliness I feel? I'm not alone in feeling this way. And when I read about these tips for moms who want to stop whining and get a life, I did see myself in a lot of the issues. I should plan something -- more get-togethers at my house after the kids are asleep, making time to go out and find a sitter, even blending my mom and non-mom friends for one big outing. It's do-able. But maybe I'm just so darn tired that it seems too hard. I want to stay in my yoga pants, hair up in an unattractive scrunchi, and just stare at the television. I don't want to deal with cleaning all the crumbs under the kitchen table so company can come over.

Having more friends doesn't make you feel less lonely though. More friends doesn't necessarily make you feel less isolated. No matter how much we say it isn't going to, motherhood changes us. Change isn't a bad thing. Perhaps it's in that re-adjustment, the dealing with the changes and figuring it out, that's where the loneliness creeps in. Thankfully it's often only temporary. And there are more friends around to be with when you're ready to come out of isolation.

Do you have more friends now that you are a parent? Do you have different sets of friends that don't always interact?

Image via Michele Zipp

Sex Confession: Husband Takes Class to Bring Lovemaking to Another Level

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Sometimes sex can be boring. Same old positions with the same person for years and years and chances are you've done them all thousands of times. To spice things up, 30-something year-old Pam's* husband Robert* decided to do something really romantic to make sure his wife is satisfied -- very satisfied. He took a sex class to learn a little more about some things he and his wife may be missing out on. Intrigued? I sure am! Let's hear more about what Pam's husband learned directly from her.

My husband loves to learn. He's always reading, studying things, wanting to know more and more. When we had our son, he was the baby guru and was basically my doula -- he learned infant CPR and became a car seat installation expert. He even helped our friends! He thinks you really need to learn new things every day and thankfully he took that learning to our sex life. Not that we needed it. We have always had a great sex life. I'm a super happy wife. But Robert wanted to takes things to a whole other level and he took an online sex seminar and learned so much.

I will admit that at first I thought it was a little weird. A sex what? Class? Why? But after we had our son, things changed a bit. The sex wasn't as frequent and we kind of fell out of groove with each other. Robert wanted to do something different to make sure I knew he still found me sexy and he wanted to pleasure me in new ways. And hello! Wow! He really did.

This might be TMI but you know how after you have a baby things are a little different down below? So I was having trouble and we used a lot of lube and I know that's typical. But I also wasn't at ease. I felt tense and couldn't relax during sex for some reason. These classes he took -- and what he learned in them -- put me at ease. It was slow and passionate and sexy and a little bit tantric but not for 3,000 hours type of tantra. He was tender and paid attention to my body in a way he never did before. Not that he was a bad love before -- I must stress that. But something changed. His focus maybe? It was amazing. It is amazing. I've had more orgams! I think every husband and wife should take a class about sex. It would make couples happier.

What do you think? Would you ever take a sex class? Would you want your husband to take it?

*Names have been changed.

Image via See-ming Lee/Flickr

New Circumcision Study Comes Out to Stir More Debate

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 19:20:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I'm going to attempt to not offend those who circumcise or those who do not. I'm probably not going to succeed. But a new study on circumcision has come out and it has me thinking. The study looked at why circumcision reduces a man's risk of getting HIV by at least half. It was known it did before, but the exact reason why wasn't concrete. This new information supports the thought that by removing the foreskin, bacteria cannot build up and compromise the immune system, making some more susceptible to contract HIV.

I still don't think this is a good argument to say all men should be circumcised.

Being circumcised doesn't protect you from getting HIV. Sure it reduces the chance. But there are a lot of things in this world that we all do every day that could reduce our chances of something bad. Take flying. If we never fly in a plane, we will never die in an airplane. If we do, there is a chance of that plane crashing to the ground. A small chance, yes, but still a chance. That's sort of how I see this.

But I'm also the kind of mom very concerned about Gardasil and am not planning on giving my daughter the HPV vaccine. The side effects are too worrisome.

This circumcision study's leader Dr. Cindy Liu and co-author Lance Price, a professor of environmental health sciences at George Washington University in Washington spoke to the LA Times. They said:

Of particular note is that circumcision undercuts anaerobic bacteria, the microbes that thrive in oxygen-deprived environments. By reducing the number of anaerobic bacteria, the body's immune cells may be better able to destroy the virus.

There were 156 Ugandan men ages 15 to 49 who took part in this study -- half were circumcised, the other half were not. In Uganda, 1 in 6 people are infected with HIV and more needs to be done to bring those numbers down all over the world. But I think a lot of it is education. The men who were circumcised had an 81 percent reduction in bacteria. That's excellent. But interestingly, all of the men in this study were given information on how to properly keep up with health and hygiene and that alone showed a 33 percent decrease in bacteria for the uncircumcised men. Education is key.

Which leads me to think of us in a modern world. These types of studies don't exactly apply to us. And I feel the information shouldn't be used against parents who choose not to circumcise their sons.

What do you think? Does this change your mind about circumcision?

Image via OptoScalpel/Flickr

Sex Confession: Wife Upset Because Husband Argues After Sex

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:53:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Twenty-seven year-old Jada* has been married for five years. She has what she says is a good life -- a son who amazes her every day and husband who does well financially -- but she never wants to have sex because every time she does, her husband argues with her. Paul* is 30 and Jada says he is very romantic and loving but something changes after they have sex. He criticizes her. He makes her feel like she isn't pleases him and naturally that upsets her. I'll let Jada explain.

I'm not sure what's going on with Paul. But every time we have sex, he gets upset with me. Mad even. It's like he's incredible and loving and happy one minute and then we make love and he changes. It makes me not want to ever have sex with him again. He used to want to cuddle and talk after sex, but sometime over the last six months he finds something to critique me about. Last week he told me that I didn't seem into it enough. The week before he told me I didn't shave good enough and my hair was prickling him. The time before that he said I smelled funny.

It's all upsetting me. Makes me not want to have sex with him. But then, he seduces me and is all sweet and nice and a totally different man than he is after we have sex. It's the same thing the next day. It's so bizarre.

I have talked to him about it and he shuts down -- doesn't want to talk at all. I keep thinking it will change -- that he will stop this. But without fail something irks him after sex and it's often right after. He not only has issue with me personally, but something about the house, his job, anything. It's like he can't have pleasure without getting very grumpy about something. I'm thinking he needs therapy, but when I mentioned it he got very upset about that. It has really put a wedge between us and I'm scared it's just going to get worse if he doesn't make a change.

What advice would you give Jada? Have you ever experienced anything like this before?

*Names have been changed.

Image via r.f.m.ll/Flickr