The Stir By CafeMom: Love & Sex

Cheating Wife's Half-Naked Lover Jumps Out Window After Husband Catches Them (Video)

Mon, 20 May 2013 19:30:00 EDT

Post by Ericka Sóuter

It's like a scene out of a movie or trashy soap opera. Husband walks in on wife cheating. As they argue, her lover ties sheets together, climbs out of a third story window and attempts to scale down the building. That was the situation once unlucky, half-naked Brazilian man found himself in and the entire crazy, hilarious scene was caught on camera.

The poor guy was literally caught with his pants down. It must have been an incredibly scary situation for him. There he was in the throws of passion or about to be, then boom, in walks his lover's husband. In the video, you can see the spouses arguing on a balcony as the frightened man peers over from the ledge, clearly contemplating his escape.

Now there has been speculation that this was all a hoax, but there is no denying that the guy was dangling from that building. And if it is true (which I kinda hope it is), how wacky is this entire situation? The enraged husband is heard yelling in Portuguese, "Who's shirt is this?' before flinging it down to the street. As the drama unfolds, a crowd gathers below taunting and teasing him. The fire department arrives with a big, blow-up tarp for him to land on. It's nuts.

Watch the wacky, Erica Kane-worthy drama here:

Crazy right? He's clearly pissed at both the married couple and the crowd (as evidenced by him shaking his fists toward the balcony and then to the laughing mass of people). Though I have to hand it to him -- he is quick thinking. I don't know how he fashioned that sheet-rope so fast. It was gutsy to climb onto that ledge and dangle there precariously. He is lucky to have gotten away safely. Wonder if he thinks that fling was worth all that trouble?

Do you think this daring escape was smart or stupid?

DON'T Marry Him if His Parents Can't Stand You -- Trust Me, I Know

Mon, 20 May 2013 15:02:00 EDT

Post by The Stir Bloggers

Making the decision to kiss your single life goodbye and commit to one person for the rest of your life is pretty darn huge, to say the least. And while most of us go into marriage assuming there will be good times, bad times, and everything in between -- generally we figure we'll live happily ever after in one way or another.

But you know what puts a real damper on a seemingly good marriage? Shitty in-laws. Who have never done a damn thing for you and never will, and who have never bothered to do whatever it takes to make sure your relationship with them is healthy -- even if deep down inside they absolutely can't stand you. (People with half a conscience know how to fake it.)

And you know what the worst part of having horrible in-laws is? Odds are good you knew they were awful before you walked down the aisle and said, "I do."

But when you're in love (or think you're in love) and in the midst of planning a wedding and entering the next major chapter of your life, you tend to let things like your future in-laws treating you like garbage fall to the wayside. You figure the relationship will get better as soon as you're a part of their family.

That's exactly what I thought would happen to me -- but it didn't. Actually, from the moment I had a wedding band on my finger, things got progressively worse and worse over the years. And now it's to the point where sometimes I want to find a time machine and go back to my wedding day, kidnap myself, and ride off into the sunset alone to save me from a life of being related through marriage to people who obviously despise me and seem to go out of their way to remind me of that every chance they get.

That being said, I'd like to go ahead and issue a warning -- no, make that an ORDER -- to any future brides out there who are about to marry a man whose parents aren't kind, loving, accepting, insert any other warm and fuzzy adjective here.

DON'T MARRY HIM. I repeat -- DON'T MARRY HIM.

If you do, you'll wind up regretting it someday. (Well, maybe not all of it if said marriage produces offspring -- but most of it.)

I don't care if you think he's "the one." I don't care how far along you are in the wedding planning process or how much money you've already spent. And I don't care if all your friends are getting married and you feel like you're the only one left and can't bear the thought of turning 30 and still being single.

DON'T MARRY HIM.

Trust me, several years later, when you're at a point where your marriage is teetering on the brink of failure, partly due to the issues his family has caused -- you'll wish you listened to me instead of making what will inevitably turn out to be the most disappointing choice of your life.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, make you miserable, or ruin your hopes and dreams with a few ranty paragraphs. I'm trying to SAVE you so you don't wind up frustrated, sad, confused, and unsure what direction you want the course of your life to take -- like me.

RUN. (Now.)

Have you thought about calling off your engagement because of your future in-laws? (What are you waiting for?)

Image via Drew and Merissa/Flickr

The 11 Hottest Bisexual Celebrities

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:41:00 EDT

Post by Kiri Blakeley

Once upon a time, if you were a celebrity, you couldn't just come out and say you were gay or bisexual. Your career would be ruined. Nowadays, it's practically the opposite, especially for women. Saying you're bisexual and being willing to titillate with anecdotes can actually jump start your career. It's hard to remember that some of the celebs named here, now married mothers, used to be known as wild children who batted for both teams and loved them a bit of girl on girl. But we've got the proof! Here are 11 hot female stars who have declared themselves to be heteroflexible.

7 Things Married Couples Should Keep Doing Long After the Honeymoon Is Over

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:26:00 EDT

Post by Sasha Brown-Worsham

All marriages inevitably go through some rough patches. It's just impossible to spend more than 50 years (God willing) with a person and never have any difficulties. But one of the most telling signs of rough waters ahead is when you start to give up things you used to love together.

Early on in dating, there is almost non-stop smooching, texting just to see how the other person is, and butterflies in the stomach. I know when my now husband and I started dating, I couldn't think about anything else but him, when I was going to see him again. Things have changed, though, 12 years later. I still adore him, but some things -- kissing, hand-holding, staying up all night talking -- have fallen by the wayside. They shouldn't, though. Here are 7 things married couples need to take from newly dating couples:

1.) Holding hands: Sometimes you should hold hands like you are in middle school. We all know you graduated to sex years ago, but remember a more innocent time when his hand around yours could make you squeal.

2.) Flirting with each other: For some reason, married couples always let this one go and they need to STOP that. Flirting is the way men and women communicate. So bat those eyelashes and brush his knee in a dark theater. Let it send a thrill up your spine.

3.) REALLY listening to his stories: We have heard each other's stories a million times and tend to get bored. Well don't. Really sit and listen to his tales. Hear about his day at work and rediscover the man you married.

4.) Trying new restaurants: The kids shouldn't stop your exploration. Visit news places, eat new foods, and go on adventures. You will be much happier.

5.) Buying little gifts/flowers: When you are dating, these things are part of the package, but they quickly fall away as you get deeper into marriage. Stop that! Make it happen again. Bring home flowers for no reason or small trinkets you saw that he might like.

6.) Dressing up: Change out of those sweatpants once a week and care about what he thinks about you again. I promise it will make many things happen all over again.

7.) Butterflies: Remember how he used to make you feel? Do your best to remember that and get that butterfly feeling again. It's just appreciation, pure and simple. Nothing feels better.

What have you stopped doing that you would like to do again?

Farrah Abraham's 'Sex Tape' Bikini Pulled From eBay Because She Didn't Wash It

Mon, 20 May 2013 10:16:00 EDT

Post by Nicole Fabian-Weber

Remember that time Farrah Abraham's sex tape bikini went up for sale on eBay -- and bidding got up to almost $15,000? That was cool. But you know what was even cooler? When eBay took the "used" bikini off the site, because it has never been washed.

According to TMZ, eBay sent Vivid Entertainment (who put the swimsuit up for auction on the site) an email, saying: "Due to health and hygiene concerns our policy does not allow used clothing to be listed on the site unless the item has been washed first."

AKA, they didn't want someone catching a nasty case of something on their watch. And who could blame them? And who could want a used bikini? Gross!

If you remember -- or perhaps if you bid -- the description on Farrah's bikini sale boasted signs of "wear and tear" such as self-tanner stains and glitter from Farrah's body lotion. The listing stated: "Farrah's bikini ... straight off Farrah's body and into your hands." That's a health and hygiene concern all right.

Now, I can't say I'm incredibly shocked that some creepo wanted the Teen Mom's bathing suit, ah, unwashed, but when you think about it -- that's really gross and super unsanitary. No thanks on any used bathing suit -- especially one that was worn by someone who recently starred in a sex tape.

eBay did the right thing, taking down the bikini sale. But if I were a betting woman, I'd say that that bad boy will be back up on the site in no time. However, I doubt it will be worth as much washed. I don't think cleanliness is what the people bidding on it are after.

Would you buy a used bathing suit?

Image via Vivid Entertainment

7 Sexy Things to Wear to Bed to Heat Up Your Nights (PHOTOS)

Sun, 19 May 2013 15:12:00 EDT

Post by April Daniels Hussar

Watching Mad Men the other night, I was struck by how glamorous all the women look ... in bed! They may be a bunch of dysfunctional basket-cases, but none of those ladies -- not even Peggy! -- would be caught dead in some of the scroungy things I sleep in -- from old T-shirts to stretched-out camisoles. Yikes!

So, time for some nighttime spring cleaning, I say! Out with the old, in with the sexy. Are you with me? (I bet your mate is!) To get inspired, here's round-up of nightwear that's sexy but comfortable enough that you can actually sleep in it. Plus you won't feel totally mortified if your kids catch you wearing it!

Doubts Before the Wedding Could Mean Your Marriage Is Doomed

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:39:04 EDT

Post by Jennifer Cullen

When I got married the first time, more than 15 years ago, I had the wedding I'd always dreamed of in a beautiful old hotel with high frescoed ceilings. Surrounded by 200 of my closest family and friends, I wore a wedding dress that I had designed with the help of an amazing seamstress.

Picture perfect.

Except for this: I had some serious doubts about my relationship with my husband-to-be. Those doubts didn't really hit me until a few months before the wedding took place. Up until then, I had been too busy planning it and attending events in our honor to think about the marriage itself. I mean really think about it.

But I wasn't too concerned. Didn’t everyone have doubts about getting married? Could you ever be totally sure that you were marrying the right person?

The day of the wedding, when the ballroom doors opened and I saw the vast room and all the people dressed up in their black-tie-optional outfits, staring at me, I turned to the wedding coordinator and said, "Oh, s%#t."

Less than 24 hours after that, I was on a plane to Italy thinking, "What have I done?"

And seven years later, I turned out to be a statistic. A recent study found that women who had doubts before the wedding were 2.5 times more likely to get divorced.

I know now that I should have waited before I got married the first time and explored my doubts both with and without my first husband. Who knows what the outcome would have been. But there were no red flags. On paper, my first husband and I looked like a perfect match. I just had a nagging feeling of uncertainty that waxed and waned. It never got to the breaking point because my first husband was a good man and I did love him. I just wasn't meant to spend the rest of my life with him.

I don't spend too much time now thinking about what would have happened if I had broken off the engagement. Because as unhappy as I was for a few years, and as hard as the divorce was, he and I share two wonderful kids and we work well together at co-parenting them.

But I will say that when I got married the second time, in a small ceremony in my parents' backyard, I had no anxiety, no doubts, and absolutely no jitters. And when I walked down the very short aisle to where my second husband-to-be stood, along with my children and future stepdaughter, I felt calm and sure of what I was about to do. Now, seven years later, we are still happy and in love, and I am sure that I married the right man the second time around.

Did you have any pre-wedding doubts or jitters? Did that change your plans to get married?

Image via Jennifer Cullen

This Hot Dad Does Something AMAZING Between the Sheets (VIDEO)

Sat, 18 May 2013 11:15:00 EDT

Post by Amy Kuras

What would you really like your husband to do in the bedroom? What fantasy makes your heart race?

Check out this video after the jump of a hot dad who delivers when he does something that would drive women wild -- something we all wish our husbands would do for us without being asked. Believe me, it's worth watching.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Yes, that's right ... this gorgeous, shirtless dad makes the HECK out of that bed! Fluff those sheets, baby. Hospital corners -- oh yeah! And he even places the throw pillows just so. Now that is some boudoir skill.

Hot Dads Doing Chores is hilarious because sometimes what puts us in the mood is not some sexy bedroom acrobatics, but our guy taking care of us and our families and helping around the house. I've been known to make shameless advances on my husband when he's doing the dishes in jeans and an undershirt; my friends report that fixing things, being sweet with the kids, and even mowing the lawn are all turn-ons.

And hey, even if a man who knows how to handle a duvet isn't your thing, you've got to admit this guy is not bad to look at. At all.

Are you turned on by your guy doing chores?

Want more hot dads doing chores (and who doesn't)? Subscribe to CafeMom Studios and never miss an episode!

Image via CafeMom Studios/YouTube

Bad Dreams About Your Husband Can Have a Terrible Effect on Your Marriage

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:41:00 EDT

Post by Kiri Blakeley

Have you met the man of your dreams? If so, chances are pretty good that you have dreams about him. But what kind of dreams? And can dreams affect your relationship? Apparently the answer is YES. At least according to another one of those crazy studies. People who were in relationships were asked to keep a dream and relationship log, describing both. And wouldn't you know it? People who had good dreams about their significant other, dreams that included sex especially, woke up feeling all warm and spicy about their partner, and that translated into how the partner was treated in real life. But those who had bad dreams, especially dreams about infidelity? Hoo boy. You don't want to be living with that person!

Dreams about jealousy or arguing triggered next-day real jealousy and arguing, and dreams about infidelity put a real life damper on desire. Not only that, the study seemed to suggest that whatever a person dreamed could affect behavior in such a way that the dream eventually became a predictor for how the relationship would go. So like if you dreamed about an argument with your spouse, you'd have one. If you dreamed about infidelity, it could actually happen! Okay, that might be stretching it a bit. I find it hard to believe that a dream could push any couple into infidelity.

The study doesn't go into psychic dreams, but I do have a friend who dreamed her husband was texting another woman. When she woke up, the feelings from the dream were still so strong, she decided to check hubby's text messages. And, lo and behold, he WAS texting another woman! Eerie, right?

So what could make people blame their partner for something that merely happened in a dream? Says the lead researcher (who says he was inspired to do the study by an old girlfriend who would get angry at him for what he did in her dreams):

A lot of people don’t pay attention to their dreams and are unaware of the impact they have on their state of mind.

That's definitely true sometimes. Haven't you ever had those dreams that seem SO DAMN real? Like who wouldn't think twice about getting on a plane after having one of those excruciatingly realistic dreams about a plane crash? And if you dream your husband is stepping out on you, I think it's natural to wonder if he is. You might wonder if your subconscious is telling you something. Maybe you saw or heard something during the day that you didn't even want to acknowledge, but it all comes out during your dream twilight!

These days, I've learned how to dismiss dreams. If I have a dream about an ex, I wake up and shrug. It was just a dream, I don't need to call him. If I dream about my partner cheating, I wake up and dismiss that too. (Unless confronted with evidence in the waking world.)

But if I dream the lottery numbers, I'm totally playing them!

Do you ever have dreams that affect your relationship?

Image via KariHak/Flickr

5 Times Getting Back With Your Ex Is a Good Idea

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:54:00 EDT

Post by Emily Abbate

Maybe we wish there was one, but there is no giant book that governs the way that we should act in a serious relationship. We've all been there: when things go sour and a breakup happens, it feels like your world is crumbling. With time you heal, you move forward, you meet other people. The harsh reality? Getting over an ex isn't easy. And sometimes, you don't have to.

I know, I know, getting back together with an ex has all sorts of nasty stipulations. So many questions pop up: If it didn't work out before, why will this be any different? Why now? The reality? Not all relationships end because one person deliberately hurt the other. Not all relationships end in tears.

Thus I present you with 5 times getting back together with an ex is a good idea. Seriously.

1. The old issues are gone: Certain problems, like anger problems and issues that carry on from youth, aren't easy to overcome. However, if something like a problem at the office was putting intense pressure on your relationship and that is now a non-issue, this could allow you both to refocus in on the important stuff, AKA the both of you.

2. You've forgiven him: Maybe he cheated (horrible). Maybe he moved on too quickly after you broke up (ouch). Maybe he just didn't give you the kind of attention you deserved because he wasn't OK with the kind of person he was. If you can find it in your heart to TRULY move on, then you can try again. If not, there's just no point.

3. You feel a void for their specific companionship: When you're in an intimate relationship, it's easy to consider that person your best friend for that period of time. When that person leaves your life, it's easy to feel something missing. The catch? When you try to fill that spot with someone else and it's just not the same. There's a high price to be put on being on the same mental level as someone else.

4. You TRULY could see yourself marrying him: Since the two of you have parted ways, you've compared every single man to this one guy. Not just their things like professions or their likes or dislikes -- but your potential future involving him. At the end of the day, if you really think this man could be the one, then you owe it to yourself to go for round 2.

5. It's the best sex you've ever had: OK, let me confirm that this is not THE reason to get back with someone. Sexual chemistry is different between every two people. But sometimes you just click the right way with someone, and that's something you can NOT deny.

Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? Did it work out for the best?

Image via soundlessfall/Flickr

Your Marriage Could End if the Economy Gets Better

Fri, 17 May 2013 07:30:00 EDT

Post by Deborah Cruz

The recession is lifting, slowly but surely. Home sales are improving and unemployment rates are dropping. People are starting to feel like they can breathe again.

People are no longer sticking with jobs they hate for fear of not finding another, and surprisingly, people are feeling free to leave their spouses who they’ve also outgrown throughout the recession. That’s right, folks, as the economy turns around, people are divorcing their spouses. Free at last, free at last.

This is surprising to me. In our marriage, the main thing that starts a fight between my husband and me is finances. I thought that was true for most couples. We love each other completely, but when someone loses a job or finances get tight, you get stressed, start to feel caged in, and you want to be mad at someone, anyone. You can’t very well scream at the bank (well, you can but it won’t do much good), so you find that person closest to you who you are sure won’t leave: your spouse. Only now, you would be wrong.

My husband and I survived a two-year, long stint of commuter marriage. It was horrible living apart but it was what we had to do to have an income. There was no choice. I was left alone with our girls. I felt abandoned and alone but we had to do whatever was needed to financially keep us afloat. He lived alone in another state for a contract job. It made no sense to uproot the kids for six months and move with him. Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t sell our house to save our lives. We made do. It was so hard.

I felt like a single mom. I was bitter about that. He felt like he was a visitor in his own home. He wasn’t crazy about that. He missed firsts. I had to do a lot on my own, and if we were ever going to divorce, I’m pretty sure we would have done it then.

Apparently, other couples stuck it out during the hard times, and now that there are more jobs available, a better housing market, and things are turning around financially, many couples are seeing this as the time to get out while they can.

Couples feel like with more job opportunities and chances to sell their homes, it's more feasible to be able to walk away from their marriage. This is craziness. It’s easier to take care of themselves. They can afford a divorce lawyer. They don’t need one another financially like they did at the recession’s worst. I've always felt like money is what causes most couples to fight, but apparently having money is what is causing some couples today to feel free to divorce.

Do you think money is reason enough to stick it out in a bad marriage?

Image via AMagill/Flickr

5 Foreplay Ideas That Will Drive Your Man Wild

Thu, 16 May 2013 20:30:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

There's more to sex than just sex. It can't just be an "insert here" and five minutes later be over. I guess, it can -- quickies are fun sometimes -- but not every single time. Enter foreplay! The thing we want to do but sometimes just don't have time to do but we really should do more often because it feels amazing.

I'm not just talking about your typical foreplay here either. Though finger play and oral can be totally mind-blowingly fantastic. Here are a few ideas to get you and your partner super hot for each other and halfway to orgasm.

Image via ekelly89/Flickr

Woman Marries Soldier Who Lost Legs Then Divorces Him Because She Wants 'Normal Life'

Thu, 16 May 2013 16:32:00 EDT

Post by Kiri Blakeley

We like to believe that love can conquer all, but the fact is it can't conquer everything. It can conquer a lot, and that's great. But some problems are too heavy, too complex, too much for love to bear on its own. Love needs other things to help it along -- like patience, understanding, mental health counseling, money, and, well, a buttload of other things. So this story makes me very sad. It is the story of Rick and Leanne Clement. Rick was a soldier in Afghanistan. Leanne was the woman back home who loved him. When Rick stepped on a mine and his legs were blown off, leaving him unable to have sex or children or walk, Leanne wanted to go through with their planned wedding anyway. She still loved him. He was still Rick. Or was he?

After Rick returned from war, the pair had a lavish wedding in 2011, in Lancashire, England, where they live. They had met on Facebook in 2008, and immediately fell in love. Leanne was charmed by Rick's affectionate, caring, easy-going nature.

And then he went to war.

After losing his legs and suffering a serious groin injury, Leanne stood by him through his rehabilitation. At first she thought he'd die. When he didn't, she was so ecstatic that there was no question they would get married. "I could think of no reason to cancel our plans," said Leanne, despite the fact that she was shocked about "how little there was left" physically of Rick.

After the wedding they moved in together. And that's when things began to really change. Although she knew intellectually that she and Rick would never be able to have sex, and had been prepared for that, the reality of it hit harder. She felt like their physical relationship was "one-sided" since he not only lost his lower half and all the parts that went with it, but his desire as well. She said she felt "guilty and selfish" for needing any physical intimacy.

He also refused to allow anyone to treat him as "disabled," and would yell at her whenever she tried to help him. He also cried all of the time but refused to see a counselor. Finally, Leanne went on her own.

After a year, the couple decided to divorce. And Leanne is getting the brunt of blame on that. She wanted a "normal life" and has a new boyfriend. "People think I'm horrible," she says.

Wow. This is soooo tough. I wouldn't judge anyone who chose to end a marriage for any reason, because you can never know what goes on in another's heart and soul. Okay, that's not totally true. Yes, if I see someone who has an affair, especially with someone younger, then I judge. However, this isn't the case here.

One of the single most unrealistic phrases in the world is "To death do us part." It's a nice gesture, but certainly nothing that anyone should be bound to against all reason. If someone is threatening you or your children, it will be your death that will part you unless you get out.

No one is in the wrong here. Leanne isn't terrible. In fact, the pair only knew each other a couple of years before their marriage, and they had long separations during those couple of years, so a divorce is something that could have happened even if Rick came home fine. I feel really bad for both of them.

What would you have done?

Image via Rick McCharles/Flickr

Sex Supposedly Gets Better With Age - Are You Buying It?

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:00:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

I think we all have hangups, particularly when it comes to our bodies. We think our belly is too jiggly, our butt too squishy, boobs too floppy, whatever too whatever-y. And that affects our sex life. If we're not confident with our bodies, how can we be confident rolling around naked with another naked body? It's why some will only have sex with the lights off or with a shirt on. But interestingly, while our bodies may have been firmer, smaller, or some twisted form of what we thought was better back in our 20s, our sex lives get better as we age.

Burn that into your brains 20-somethings! Old people sex is hot! They don't call it your dirty 30s for nothing. And while we're at it, let's call the next decades the f*&king fabulous 40s and 50s. A new study gives us proof and explanation of these totally sexy and exciting details on why we shouldn't fear getting older.

Researchers in the US polled over 2,000 men and women and found that sex gets better with age, particularly for men, but also for the ladies. Men are most sexually confident between the ages of 50 and 69 and women reach that peak between 18 and 29. But that's considering the law of averages. It varies, of course, and depends on each person's unique situation. The factors of why sex gets more awesome with age are very telling.

Essentially we worry less as we get older. When we're young we're sometimes so consumed with how we look and keeping up with the other hot, young biddies who look flawless in push-up bras and mesh thongs. The older we get, the more we have a "take me as I am" kind of attitude. Yes, confidence. This goes for both men and women -- just 34 percent of men are worried about gray hair or any of those physical signs of aging, compared to 56 percent of women. Ladies, we need to relax. Men aren't so worried, therefore we shouldn't be either. Who's with me in embracing my gray hairs?! You will be paid in sexual rewards if you stop worrying. I swear.

The less self-conscious you are when it comes to sex, the more you will enjoy it. And I think I can speak for many women in saying that we get more confident as time ticks by. This also translates into how adventurous we get when it comes to sex. A survey of women over 45 revealed that 89 percent like sexual variety and having sex in many different positions and places, including the garden. Sexy! And perhaps best of all is that older women are more likely than younger women to reach orgasm, not just once but multiple times. Now that's something every 20-year-old can look forward to when pondering her 40s.

What also plays a role here is the ability to trust. When we're young, trust is sometimes hard to earn. With age comes knowledge and long-term relationships, so trust grows, allowing some to really let their guard down and let go, opening the door to the best sex ever. For many women, sex is just as much about the mind as it is about the body, particularly when it comes to reaching orgasm. Sensuality -- isn't that the best word ever? Older women have that. We also don't have as many hangups and we're not afraid to ask for what we want between the sheets. And if you don't already know or ask for what you want, it's time to find out. There are multiple orgasms waiting to be had.

What do you think? Does sex get better with age? Why do you think it does?

Image via Marina Aguiar Araujo/Flickr

I Was a Sex Tape Virgin ... Until Farrah Abraham Came Along

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:45:00 EDT

Post by Adriana Velez

Up until recently, this mama was a porn virgin. Oh, I'd see that soft-core "for women" porn with the costumes and the plots on late-night cable. But never the real deal. Because why would I? Everyone says it's terrible and soul-sucking. And besides, that stuff is made for guys, not for "nice ladies" like me. Certainly not for moms! We get 50 Shades instead. (Still haven't read it, probably never will.)

But then Farrah Abraham came along with her sex tape and my editor asked me to "review" it. Get paid to watch porn? IS THIS MY LIFE?!? Lucky me -- I am the envy of every straight 13-year-old boy. I knew I would need therapy after. I knew it would ruin my lunch. I knew I would hate it. And yet, I could not resist. I said yes, yes, YES! I mean, I said okay.

As an aside? If you're going to watch porn for work, I recommend headphones. And maybe watch the angle of your monitor. Don't be surprised if your credit card company's fraud department calls to find out WTF with these charges?!? Be prepared with a convincing story.

So! It was gross. Look, I was totally open to being surprised. I WANTED to be surprised. It would have been so cool to walk away and say, you know what? I learned something. Porn is actually just good, clean, kinky fun. I don't know why y'all have to be such prudes. It should be shown in sex ed classes. Every couple should watch it together. Shaved balls for everyone!

Oh God, about those shaved balls. Can someone please explain? I don't get it! In fact, I find all the hairlessness kind of creepy. Watching Farrah and James together was like watching two anatomically-correct Barbie dolls go at each other. They both looked like they were made of plastic in a factory where people are beheaded for not weeding out the dolls with asymmetrical boobies. And by the way, Farrah's surgically enhanced tatas don't even look like breasts. They look more like she's had cantaloupes embedded under her skin. How on earth are those sexy?

I will give them props for improvising the whole thing. I mean, I'm assuming there was no script. Farrah had to decide when she would make dolphin noises, and when she'd say "ooh babeee." They had to negotiate each new position without arguing. Farrah had to remember where the camera was. Then again, how hard was it for James to say "YESSSS" 37 times? Now that I think about it, the video probably would have been better if Christopher Guest had been directing.

I also got the impression that neither of them was having that much fun. Farrah is getting off on fame and narcissism, I'm sure. James enjoys being a good professional (hey, he's got a skill, I respect that). But beyond that? I just find it depressing to watch people pretend to enjoy having sex with each other. They were pretty much ticking off a list of gestures and sounds we've apparently all agreed should go into porn like they were working through their set at the gym, or grocery shopping. The fakeness is just not something my imagination can transcend to enjoy.

The thing is, real-life sex is so much more mysterious and messy and sometimes awful and sometimes mind-blowing and interesting and confusing and magical than this.

I have a son who will someday find out that 1, there's this thing called sex and 2, you can watch people do it. But I don't want him learning what sex is from the plastic simulacrum of "mainstream" porn. I don't want him to turn into one of those men who watch too much porn. I want him to figure it out, little by little, on his own, in the backseats of cars and on sofas when the parents are away, like I did. Just, you know, not until he's at least 21.

Have you ever watched mainstream porn? What do you think?

Image via MShadesFlickr

Farrah Abraham's Sex Tape: A Complete Guide to All the Cringeworthy Details

Tue, 14 May 2013 20:04:00 EDT

Post by Adriana Velez

My eyes, my eyes! You guys. For scientific purposes only, I watched Farrah Abraham's sex video just now, and as soon as I file this post, I'm washing out my eyeballs and maybe having a nice, stiff drink. Did I say stiff?!? NOOOO!

It's going to be a long time before I recover from this spectacle. But I watched it for you, dear readers. We know you're wondering what actually goes down (oh geez) in this show -- but you reeeeeeally don't want to have to actually sit down and watch in order to find out. Never fear! We've got Farrah Superstar Backdoor Teen Mom by the numbers right here. Now about that drink ...

1 - Bottles of lubricant

10 - Fake orgasms

1 - Real (or really well performed) orgasms

3 - Number of orgasms Farrah actually counted

0 - Fat rolls she has even in the craziest positions

1 - Wardrobe changes

0 - Scripts used in the making of this film

2 - Fake breasts

14 - Bottom slaps

0 - Condoms used

0 - Pubic hairs

10 - Sex positions

6 - James Deen speed variations

1 - Questionable secretions

5 - "Ouch" faces

11 - Horse whinnies

15 - Dolphin twitters

20 - "Oh baby"s

4 - "I love you"s

2 - "My ass is shy"

37 - Times James Deen says "yesssss"

3 - Walks up/down spiral staircase

1 - Non-sexual squeals

10 - Times Farrah rolls her eyes with feigned ecstasy

20 - Comments about the size of James Deen’s manhood

11 - Times I checked my windows, afraid the neighbors would hear Farrah noises

4 - Blatant insults to Farrah’s intelligence ("do you know how buttons work?")

1 - Number of times she agrees ("I forgot my brain when I came here to hang out with you")

6.5 - Minutes before anyone actually starts, well, you know

10 - Points we give Farrah for flexibility

8 - Seriously un-hygienic sex acts

All of them - Lingerie sets James tells Farrah he wants to see on her

1 - Lingerie sets Farrah actually ever puts on

200 - Ego boosts for Farrah

40 - Minutes the sex went on too long

20 - Times I said aloud, "My God, her poor mother!"

20 - Times I said aloud, "My God, her poor daughter!"

8 - Times I had to hide my eyes

8 - Times I had to laugh

5 - Creative sex tips I picked up

4 - Times I was afraid Farrah's bobble head was about to get shaken off her body

8 - Times I yelled, "Nooooo!"

10 - Times I asked, "Why’d she have to go THERE?"

6 - Times James handles Farrah like a raw chicken

15 - Extremely regrettable camera angles

11 - Times I was actually kind of more bored than horrified

28 - Minutes before Farrah starts looking a little tired and annoyed

25 - Mintues James Deen remains hard without climaxing

10 - Times I checked the clock to see how much longer this thing was going to go on

What household chore would you rather do than watch Farrah Abraham's sex video?

Image via Vivid Enteratinment

9 Things Every Woman Needs to Find a Good Husband

Tue, 14 May 2013 15:38:00 EDT

Post by Ericka Sóuter

All of those other "how to land a man" lists have got it wrong. They tell you to go to certain places, wear certain things, flirt a certain way, laugh at his lame jokes. But none of that is really going to make you stand out in the desperately overcrowded dating scene. Every single woman knows it's brutal out there. So here are the 9 things that will actually help you find your future husband.

What do you think a woman needs to find a good man?

Image via xlordashx/Flickr

7 Wedding Traditions With Beginnings That May Surprise You (PHOTOS)

Mon, 13 May 2013 21:00:00 EDT

Post by Maressa Brown

From the minute you get engaged to even several months into being a newlywed, you're exposed to wedding traditions galore. Some you may be familiar with (very, if you've been in/to a lot of weddings) and others that may have slipped your mind completely (because you were distracted by other important matters of business like designing an acceptable seating chart or negotiating with vendors).

Case in point: When my fiance (whoops!) husband and I were on our way back from the airport after getting hitched earlier this month, one of my brilliant colleagues said I had to make him carry me over the threshold when we got home. So funny. I hadn't even thought of that. And being the history geek that I am, I proceeded to Google it to find out where the seemingly sweet tradition came from. Let me tell you -- I probably shouldn't have.

Here, that and six other wedding traditions' surprising origins that may make you see them in a whole new light ...

What wedding tradition were you most surprised to learn about? Did you skip a certain tradition because you weren't keen on its origin?

Image via Maressa Brown

Sex Confession: Wife Gets Frisky on Phone With Husband's Friend

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:30:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

Answering the phone is something we all do just about everyday. But one woman took her phone calls to a whole other level. Carrie-Ann* is a married mom of two pre-teens. She's been with her husband for "a thousand years" she says -- but really it's been nearly two decades. Her married is solid but a few months ago something weird has been happening on the phone with one of his friends. Something a little X-rated and totally wrong. But she loves it. I'll let Carrie-Ann explain.

It's so crazy this even happened with one of Roger's* best friends, but it did. And nothing else happened, I swear. All of the talking takes place on the phone. One day a few months ago Chris* called for Roger but he wasn't home at the time. We started talking like we usually do but there started to be a flirty tone somehow. I was talking about gardening and he said something about getting dirty and maybe my mind was in the gutter or something. Then a few days later Chris called again and Roger wasn't around again and there was definitely some major flirting going on. He told me how I must look so sexy working in the garden. I assured him I didn't but he went on to compliment me and I will confess that it really turned me on.

I hardly ever see Chris. Roger usually meets him after work or they do their thing on the weekends here and there. Chris is divorced -- not seeing anyone that I know of at the moment. We've all been friends for about six years now.

The calls continued. He even started calling when he knew Roger wasn't home. They got naughtier and naughtier and though I've never really touched myself while we were talking, I told Chris I was. They are the dirtiest, sexiest conversations I ever had with anyone and I feel terribly guilty but I also don't plan on ever acting out anything that was ever said between Chris and I. But I realize it's still a form of cheating. It would kill my husband if he knew. And now I don't know how to stop.

What do you think? How should Carrie-Ann end this phone sex affair she's having with Chris? Do you think it's cheating?

*Names have been changed.

Image via Sh4rp_i/Flickr

'Hot Dads Doing Chores' Are Every Mom's Fantasy (VIDEOS)

Mon, 13 May 2013 13:21:00 EDT

Post by Julie Ryan Evans

When it comes to housework, let's face it, there's just nothing sexy about it ... or least not usually. Many of us fantasize about a day in which some magical housework fairy appears to end the day-to-day drudgery, but those fantasies have never looked as good as the reality of half-dressed, hard-bodied men doing the work instead. Oh yes, it's true, and you can see for yourself.

Make sure you have a fan close by, because these videos of Hot Dads Doing Chores by CafeMom Studios are HOT. Let's start with this delicious dad who wants to do your laundry. Brace yourselves.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Seriously, what could be hotter than that? Well, maybe this one of a hot dad unloading the dishwasher.

See this video on The Stir by CafeMom.

Sigh. What wouldn't you give to get your dishes done like that? I wouldn't even complain if there were spots.

More from The Stir: The One Thing Hot Dads Really Want You to Do

What are your housework fantasies?

Image via YouTube

8 Ways to Help Your Man Last Longer

Sat, 11 May 2013 20:10:00 EDT

Post by Jennifer Cullen

Has your partner ever had a problem with premature ejaculation?

I’m not talking about every once in a while. I’m talking about most of the time.

If so, then he’s not alone.

Premature ejaculation is a common problem experienced by up to 30 percent of men at some point in their lives.

Some men might be embarrassed by their tendency to climax too early and not want to talk about it. Some may even pretend that it doesn’t happen. And if your partner’s little problem is frustrating for you, imagine how it must make him feel.

But there are some remedies that he can try, with and without you, to help prolong his erection.

1. Masturbate: Encourage him to masturbate more frequently. Reaching orgasm more often on his own can help him delay his ejaculation when he's with you.

2. Use sex toys: A cock ring can be nice to look at, but it’s also functional. The pressure it applies to the shaft of the penis helps to slow down climaxing by decreasing blood flow.

3. Change positions: Try spending time in a passive sex position, like with him on the bottom. Active positions, like doggie style, can cause more penile friction.

4. Make it less sensitive: Desensitizing creams work by numbing the penis so that the feeling of intercourse is not so intense. Be careful with this one because the numbing effect can be transferred to the vagina.

5. Stop and start: You can help your partner with this method by first sexually stimulating him until he feels he is about to climax. Then stop for 30 seconds. Repeat until he consciously wants to climax. This helps your partner learn how to control the release.

6. Delay penetration: Spend a little more time on foreplay and reach orgasm first. Oral sex is a good way to do this. Once you've had your orgasm, move on to penetration. That way, if he climaxes quickly, no one feels badly about it.

7. Wear a condom: Putting on a condom is another way to desensitize your partner’s penis. The less sensitive it feels, the longer it may take to ejaculate.

8. The squeeze-pause technique: This is also known as the penis grip. When your partner gets close to climaxing, try squeezing the penis just below the head, focusing on the urethra, which is along the under-side of the shaft. The pressure helps slow blood flow to the penis.

In some cases, working through your partner’s premature ejaculation issues is a matter of him becoming more in touch with his body -- and you helping him with that.

In addition, acknowledging the problem and talking about it can help decrease any performance anxiety he might have and make it less embarrassing. If you’ve tried some of these suggestions and it doesn’t seem to be getting better, encourage him to talk to his physician.

Have you had a partner who ejaculated prematurely? Did any of these methods work for you?

Image via Beth Kingery/Flickr

My Second Marriage Will Not End in Divorce

Sat, 11 May 2013 13:15:00 EDT

Post by Jennifer Cullen

I’m coming up on the seven-year anniversary of my second marriage.

And I’m really, really happy in my relationship with my husband.

But I can’t help thinking back to this same time in my first marriage, when I was unhappy and contemplating divorce. Which I followed through with just a year later.

What a difference the second time around has been. I have no doubt that this marriage will last for an eternity.

And I’m not alone. A study by the Marriage Foundation found that second marriages are less likely to end in divorce. While 45 percent of first marriages break up, only 31 percent of second marriages follow suit.

I like those statistics. And I agree with the reasons that go along with them: age and experience.

When I got married the first time, I did it because sure, I was in love with my husband-to-be. But I was also in my late 20s and all my friends were getting married too. I wanted the things that I thought marriage guaranteed: love, intimacy, security, and children.

I got the children. Because of them, I'll never say that I shouldn’t have gotten married the first time. But looking back, I know that ultimately, my ex-husband and I weren’t suited for each other. Not by a long shot.

After I got divorced, I was in no hurry to get into another relationship. I had my kids, a job I enjoyed, and good friends. Plus I wanted to have fun, play the field a little, and have casual sex. So when I did finally start dating again, I knew exactly what I didn't want in a boyfriend, and later, a husband.

Plus, the only real reason to get married a second time was to live happily ever after with a true partner whom I was madly in love with. I found that with my second husband. And then some.

Sure this marriage has its own set of circumstances, the most stressful being that we are a blended family. Which means that my husband lives with my teenaged kids most of the time. And his teen daughter comes to stay with us every other weekend and half of the holidays.

And that's not always easy, but after almost seven years, we’ve pretty much got it worked out. And in a few years, the kids will be going away to college.

We'll be left with just each other. I can't wait.

If you're on marriage number two, how is it different for you?

Image via Tim Green aka atoach/Flickr

Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster Broke Up But Have the Secret to a Good Marriage

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:47:00 EDT

Post by Michele Zipp

Marriage is hard. Divorce is contagious. These are things we know. Fact. Also fact is Rod Stewart has a lot of hair. And good sperm since he made a baby at 65 and has eight kids spanning two generations. I mean he did sing the song Forever Young (original by Bob Dylan though.) He also seems to have this marriage racket down despite being twice divorced before he hitched up with Penny Lancaster who is 26 years his junior. She's 42; he's a sprightly 68. Rod's dishing about he and his third wife broke up for two weeks. Two whole weeks! It was after a huge fight and when you are made of money like Stewart is, it's easy to say I'm going to the house in Tahiti and you stay here in the Hollywood hills and let's see if this marriage is going to work out.

Lucky for them it created yearning. Rod has some secrets on making his third marriage a true charm.

They've been married for six years. Not too shabby. They have a 2- and a 7-year-old together. They got through the sometimes tough infant years. But some massive fight turned into a sort of trial separation. Romantic Rod kept a photo of Penny at his bedside during the whole time they were broken up so he could see her when he went to bed and as soon as he woke up. What a sweetie. Rod, being the perfectly aging rocker that he is, also took the time to find a little ditty about him missing his wife and covered Tom Waits' Picture In a Frame for his new album Time. The lyrics? "I love you baby and I always will. Ever since I put your picture In a frame."

Hey, whatever works. At least we're not looking at another divorce here for Mr. Stewart. He also gives some deep marriage advice -- aside from keeping photos close and covering love songs.

My relationship rule is, 'Don't argue after a glass of wine — leave debating until the morning.' I have always loved women, won some, lost some, but it's not about the magic touch, it's about being a better person and a good listener.

YOU HEAR THAT GUYS? BE A GOOD LISTENER! SOMETIMES IT'S THAT SIMPLE. AND YES I'M SHOUTING BECAUSE SOME MEN DON'T LISTEN AND I WANT THEM TO HEAR ME.

Rod also dropped some other nuggets of wisdom like you should never rush into marriage and not to get married before 30. Take the advice that works for you, of course.

What do you think of Rod's relationship advice? Have you ever had a short separation only to rekindle your love?

Image via Bruce Tuten/Flickr

5 Reasons You Should Have Sex Before Marriage

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:16:00 EDT

Post by Kiri Blakeley

A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Hey, I'm all for people putting off sex until they're adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone -- especially if you're a woman -- and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same. But one woman writes about her "purity pledge" that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short starter marriage. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage. Here's 5 reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say "I do."

Sexual chemistry.

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her "purity" until her wedding night, writes in Salon:

Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.

As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn't.

Sexual identity. I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with a partner. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowlege them.

Sex itself. Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don't start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?

Size. Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I'm not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there?

Sexual issues. Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner's semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if the person is even going to deal with them.

Let's face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big of a part of a relationship to leave to chance.

Do you think it's a good idea to have sex before marriage?

Image via barbbarbbarb/Flickr

10 Reasons I Couldn't Be the 'Older Woman'

Thu, 09 May 2013 08:59:00 EDT

Post by Janelle Harris

It’s been a while since I shared a misadventure of a single sister in the city but this latest one is a winner.

Last month, I went to a birthday celebration in Philly for my not-even-a-year-younger-than-me sister, another product of the infamous babymaker who is my father. Her friends and some of her other siblings crammed into the space she reserved at a Moroccan restaurant and I—all late and wrong since I cut my hair and can’t get the ish to look decent enough for public viewing—sat uncharacteristically quiet in my seat. Even chatterboxes like yours truly get introverted sometimes. Then again, the hair keeps me a little more sedated as of late.

Out on the street, one of her other guests approached me to introduce himself. It seemed perfectly innocent, since he mentioned something about applying for a job in D.C., and since I live in D.C., I just figured homeboy was networking.

He was cute and had a little weight on him, which is exactly the kind of guys I like, but I could’ve sworn he’d also said something in the party about just graduating from college. So naturally, I was paying him zero mind.

Turns out dude was interested. Interested and 24, and I have a birthday coming up in two weeks that will make me darn near 10 years older than that young man. The whole age-ain’t-nothing-but-a-number thing just doesn’t sit well with me, particularly—especially—when the number in question equals a whole decade. He probably never even heard of Fraggle Rock, for goodness sake.

This isn’t my first time being approached by a youngin. It’s happening more frequently, as a matter of fact, and the guys in question are getting lower and lower into their 20s. I could fluff my hair (I could, but I won’t) and take it as a compliment, but I wonder I’ve unknowingly crossed over into full-on cradle robber status. Was I eating a really good taco when it happened? How could I not notice?

There are several reasons why I can’t see a big ol’ gaping age difference working out favorably.

1. I couldn’t get guys to act right when I was 20-something, so what in the hell are my chances now?

2. On that note, I can’t get guys my own age to act right, so what are the chances of being at peace with a wily 25-year-old?

3. Our frame of reference is totally different. Songs I partied to in college, he remembers fondly from, like, fifth grade. That makes me feel like I missed being a pervert by thismuch.

4. Uhhh, and then he’s only 10 years or so older than my kid. That’s weird, too.

5. I can’t help but feel old hanging with someone still accomplishing those early-life milestones. First real job, first apartment. I can’t cheer him on without feeling like his mama. I don’t have a son, so I don’t want to feel like a grown man’s mama.

6. Basically, he’s not established.

7. Also, I’m not the boy toy type.

8 Also, it would be a second journey through the perils of that decade and once was pretty much enough.

9. That gap means I’m that much further along in the aging process. My nip-and-tuck budget is nonexistent and unless I take up a Kickstarter campaign towards my Lifestyle Lift, I can’t imagine that the older woman look is always going to be appealing.

10. He’ll always be 10 years younger. That might eventually start to piss me off.

He’s persistent, I’ll give him that much. But all signs are pointing to never. Go ‘head, tell me I’m being superficial and limited, and that as long as he’s mature, it doesn’t really matter. I’m listening. In the meantime, do spirit fingers to send some youthful, fun-loving, yet age-appropriate men my way.

How young is too young?

Image via PhotoAtelier/Flickr