cake in milk

The Palace Under the Alps: The Gorges du Verdon, Provence

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:14:12 +0000

The Palace Under the Alps: The Gorges du Verdon, Provence:

The gorges of Verdon are sometimes compared, a bit unfairly, to the Grand Canyon. Although this series of gorges north of St. Tropez cannot begin to match the scale of their American counterpart, they are wild, spectacular, and unrelentingly beautiful. There’s nothing like it anywhere else in…

14

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:13:37 +0000

Flappity, Floppity, Flip!
The Mouse on the Möbius Strip
The Strip revolved,
The Mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.

- Frederick Winsor

Do you think that my goose is cooked? It’s been giving me...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:13:14 +0000

Do you think that my goose is cooked?
It’s been giving me funny looks
I should have known it some time ago
My pressure cooker is far too slow

"…Mario [Lopez]’s vain sexcapades during his years on SBTB culminated in a weird, twisted..."

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:12:51 +0000

“…Mario [Lopez]’s vain sexcapades during his years on SBTB culminated in a weird, twisted scandal that ended with a team of NBC attorneys quietly paying off one of his numerous sexual conquests.”

-

Dustin Diamond, Behind the Bell

In 1981, David attempts to get arrested in Trafalgar Square for...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 16:09:52 +0000

In 1981, David attempts to get arrested in Trafalgar Square for his carnivorous lunar activities.

In 2012, Dave accosts a dubious photoshop of a policeman and Jenny Agutter.

larking about in The Bentall Centre, Kingston

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:51:51 +0000

larking about in The Bentall Centre, Kingston

Photo

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 09:30:08 +0000

I’ve met Scott Bakula. He’s so dreamy.

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 09:07:00 +0000

I’ve met Scott Bakula. He’s so dreamy.

In 1981, Jack (undead) indicates to his friend David to meet him...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:23:23 +0000

In 1981, Jack (undead) indicates to his friend David to meet him in a porno theatre in Piccadilly Circus.

In 2012, I (alive) indicate to my friend Dave to take a photo of me pointing at a closed Gap store in Piccadilly Circus.

In 1981, David the werewolf is cornered in a dead end alley at...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:23:19 +0000

In 1981, David the werewolf is cornered in a dead end alley at night. With nowhere left to run, he faces his fate.

In 2012, Dave the man is on all fours in that same alley. In the harsh light of day, though, it turns out to not really be a dead end, but merely a corner of Borough Market. He is fine.

I recreate the iconic scene from An American Werewolf in...

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 10:33:00 +0000

I recreate the iconic scene from An American Werewolf in London where businessman Gerald Bringsley (Michael Carter) runs back and forth down the same S-shaped corridor at Tottenham Court Road Underground Station before finally getting eaten.

The Palace Under the Alps: The World's Best Suburb, Tapiola

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 12:02:16 +0000

The Palace Under the Alps: The World's Best Suburb, Tapiola:

palaceunderthealps:

One of the great curses of twentieth-century life is the development of the suburb. In a world teeming with these dreary, soulless places, Tapiola Garden City comes as a refreshing - and probably unique - change. In the 1950s, 12 Finnish architects were chosen to build a model community six miles…

M&Ms Rant

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 15:39:00 +0000

The Super Bowl is known for its expensive advertising spectacles. It’s where the three Budweiser frogs debuted, it’s where Apple introduced the Mac in a 1984 commercial directed by Ridley Scott, and it’s where a scantily-clad Cindy Crawford slowly drank Pepsi in front of children.

This year M&Ms showed the world their latest anthropomorphised character, the imaginatively named Ms Brown.

Firstly, note that their tagline is “not your average chocolate”. M&Ms, produced by Mars, are the very definition of average chocolate. I completely fail to understand the draw of the M&M World stores, especially in the UK where we’re not even privvy to half the flavours the US has. Almond, coconut and pretzel M&Ms can only be found here in the overpriced import shops (though the fewer places pretzel M&Ms are, the better). Which means that London’s M&M World in Leicester Square is a completely unnecessary four floors of mostly empty space with a few shelves on each of repetitive merchandise.

So anyway: Ms Brown. Unlike the stupid male Red M&M she’s smart and she’s sassy. Her ‘role’ is Chief Chocolate Officer, and she has her own Twitter account where in her first tweet she quoted noted feminist author Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. Then related it to chocolate.

Additionally Mars has chosen to give her quite an authoritarian look; it reminds me of another confused feminist character: Irene Adler, the dominatrix from a recent episode of the BBC’s Sherlock. Maybe Ms Brown is into S&M&M?

If Mars felt the need to introduce another M&Ms ‘thing’ I guess it seems right to make it female. Of the six characters, the only other female, the green M&M (creatively named Ms. Green), is a vacuous shopping-obsessed stereotype so this whole campaign was, I guess, a half-arsed apology to women.

But what bothers me most about the laziness of the M&Ms mascots is the fleshy arms and legs - do they have bones? And is that human skin? If M&Ms produce other M&Ms for the sole purpose of consumption, doesn’t that make them hugely complicit in the genocide of their own race?

Batmanned transitive verb to end a phone conversation by saying...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 11:40:08 +0000

Batmanned

transitive verb

to end a phone conversation by saying “I’m Batman” and then immediately hang up

Here it is and here we go I once met a melon called Flo The...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:49:05 +0000

Here it is and here we go
I once met a melon called Flo
The dishcloth’s moving rather slow
Does it show?

The Palace Under the Alps: The Most Haunted Village in Britain, Kent

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:47:36 +0000

The Palace Under the Alps: The Most Haunted Village in Britain, Kent:

palaceunderthealps:

There are, at a conservative estimate, some 6,000 ghosts in Britain. They range from the phantom bus driver of Holland Park in London, who is still said to cause occasional consternation late at night by driving a red double-decker bus through walls and other solid objects, to the invisible but…

A couple of years ago I was spending Christmas at a girlfriend’s parent’s house for the...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:31:00 +0000

A couple of years ago I was spending Christmas at a girlfriend’s parent’s house for the first time. This is undoubtedly a Big Thing. Several days in the company of people I don’t know all that well where there’s going to be a buzzing atmosphere of festive spirit and an expectation of merry joy.

We were playing a Scrabble-like game and with my first batch of tiles I managed to make JEW horizontally and then vertically, utilising the E, I spelled out the word DEVIL. “It’s funny,” I said, “because it’s in the shape of a cross.”

Later the same evening, my girlfriend’s father had put a CD of 70s hits on. I was bobbing my head along nonchalantly when he asked me if I knew the song.

“Is it Jonathan King?” I ventured. It was. The next track came on.

“How about this one?”

“No,” I said, “I can only recognise the music of convicted pedophiles.”

My girlfriend’s older brother shot me an incredulous look. “You do realise you’re supposed to be making a good impression?”

However hard I try to suppress the urge, sometimes I just purposely say the wrong thing to the wrong person. I thought it was unique to me, but over the weekend I discovered that perhaps there’s a genetic link on which I can place the blame.

I was sitting in a pub in Charing Cross with my parents who’d come down to London to watch a theatre show. It’s my birthday soon, so my mother was asking me about my list of things I’d quite like to do before I die. We began discussing my consumption of various uncommon meats.

“Have you eaten zebra?” my mum asked.

“Nope,” I replied.

“How about a giraffe then?” she asked.

I shook my head. “No, not giraffe.”

She paused for a second. “Well have you tried beaver?”

20

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 23:25:01 +0000

Russell and Whitehead and Hegel and Kant!
Maybe I shall and maybe I shan’t.

Maybe I shan’t and maybe I shall.
Kant Russell Whitehead, Hegel et al.

- Frederick Winsor

"…nobody’s hairstyles went through more changes than those of the phony, pretentious..."

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 23:24:37 +0000

“…nobody’s hairstyles went through more changes than those of the phony, pretentious Hollywood-douche-squad duo of Mark-Paul and, in particular, Mario.”

-

Dustin Diamond, Behind the Bell

Photo

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 23:15:04 +0000