Candy and a Movie

Oscar 2016 Picks

2016-02-28T19:12:00.001-05:00

Well it has been a while hasn’t it. It’s Oscars time again and I’m back with my picks. It’ll be simple this year, I’ll say what I think will win and also in what order I really liked them (because they aren’t the same often.

Also, I’m saving a write up of each movie for something else I’m working on. Hopefully sometime in the near future I’ll be posting a megalist/almost database of movies released from 2013-now. It’s currently at 657 movies so I should have just about everything covered. I’m looking to move to a different site first so everything will work out better. To the picks.

Best Picture

Winner: The Revenant

How I Liked Them:

1. The Revenant

2. Mad Max: Fury Road

3. Spotlight

4. Room

5. The Martian

6. Brooklyn

7. The Big Short

8. Bridge of Spies

Best Actor

Winner: Leo – The Revenant

My Order:

1. Leo – The Revenant

2. Michael Fassbender – Steve Jobs

3. Bryan Cranston – Trumbo

4. Eddie Redmayne – The Danish Girl

5. Matt Damon – The Martian (shouldn’t have been nominated)

Best Actress

Winner: Brie Larson

My Order:

1. Brie Larson - Room

2. Saoirse Ronan - Brooklyn

3. Cate Blanchett – Carol

4. Jennifer Lawrence – Joy

(5. Charlotte Rampling – 45 Years) – Didn’t see it. Was going to watch it today but took a nap instead. Don’t say the Oscars are racist for “the whites” dumdum

Best Supporting Actor

Winner: Stallone – Creed

My Order:

1. Tom Hardy – The Revenant

2. Stallone – Creed

3. Mark Ruffalo - Spotlight

4. Mark Rylance – Bridge of Spies

5. Christian Bale – The Big Short

Best Supporting Actress

Winner – Alicia Vikander – The Danish Girl

My Order

1. Alicia Vikander – The Danish Girl

2. Kate Winslet – Steve Jobs

3. Rooney Mara – Carol

4. Jennifer Jason Lee – The Hateful Eight

5. Rachel Mc Adams – Spotlight (shouldn’t have been nominated)

Best Director

Winner – Alejandro Gonzalez iñárritu – The Revenant

My Order

1. Alejandro Gonzalez iñárritu – The Revenant

2. George Miller – Mad Max

3. Lenny Abrahamon – Room

4. Adam McKay – The Big Short

5. Thomas McCarthy - Spotlight

Best Original Screenplay

Winner – Spotlight

My Order

1. Spotlight

2. Inside Out

3. Bridge of Spies

4. Ex Machina

5. Straight Outta Compton (shouldn’t have been nominated)

Best Adapted Screenplay
Winner- The Big Short

My Order

1. The Big Short

2. Room

3. The Martian

4. Brooklyn

5. Carol

Best Animated Feature Film

Winner – Inside Out

My Order

1. Inside Out

2. When Marnie Was There

3. Anomalisa

4. Shaun the Sheep Movie

5. Boy & the World

Best Foreign Language Film – I only saw 2 of these. I’m sorry, its usually my favorite category too.

Winner – Son of Saul

My Order

1. Mustang

2. Theeb

Son of Saul (need to see it)

Embrace of the Serpent (need to see it)

A War (need to see it)

Best Documentary – Feature

Winner – Amy

My Order

1. The Look of Silence (The Act of Killing not winning over 20 feet of stardom is still the worst thing I’ve seen at the Oscars. I have no faith in them getting it right again and choosing this as the winner. Will be hoping though)

2. Cartel Land

3. Amy

4. Winter on Fire: Ukraine’s Fight for Freedom

5. What Happened, Miss Simone (shouldn’t have been nominated

Guys I suck at picking shorts – for the record

Best Documentary – Short Subject – only saw 2 of these sorry

Winner – Body Team 12 (seems to be the favorite)

My Order

1. Last Day of Freedom

2. Chau, Beyond the Lines

Body Team 12 (need to see)

Claude Lanzmann: Spectres of the Shoah (need to see)

A Girl In the River: The Price of Forgiveness( need to see)

Best Live Action Short Film

Winner: Shok

My Order

1. Stutterer (really liked)

2. Shok

3. Everything Will Be Okay

4. Day One

5. Ave Maria (didn’t like but the betting favorite somehow so anything can happen)

Best Animated Short Film

Winner – Sanjay’s Super Team

My Order

1. Bear Story

2. Sanjay’s Super Team

3. World of Tomorrow

4. We Can’t Live Without Cosmos

5. Prologue (worst by far)

Best Original Score

Winner – The Hateful Eight

My Order

1. The Hateful Eight

2. Star Wars

3. Bridge of Spies

4. Sicario

5. Carol

Best Original Song – category I care the least about

Winner – Til It Happens to You – The Hunting Ground

My Order

Who Cares

Best Sound Editing – very similar to mixing this year

Winner – Mad Max

My Order:

1. Mad Max

2. The Revenant

3. Star Wars

4. The Martian

5. Sicario

Best Sound Mixing

Winner – Mad Max

My Order

1. Mad Max

2. The Revenant (close)

3. Star Wars

4. The Martian

5. Bridge of Spies

Best Production Design

Winner – Mad Max

My Order

1. Mad Max

2. The Danish Girl

3. The Revenant

4. The Martian

5. Bridge of Spies

Best Cinematography

Winner – The Revenant

1. The Revenant (all others have no chance)

2. Mad Max

3. Sicario

4. The Hateful Eight

5. Carol

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

Winner – Mad Max

My Order –

1. Mad Max

2. The Revenant

3. The 100 Year Old Man (they pretty much did one old face all movie)

Best Costume Design

Winner – Mad Max

My Order

1. Mad Max

2. Cinderella

3. The Danish Girl

4. Carol

5. The Revenant

Best Film Editing

Winner – Mad Max

My Order:

1. Mad Max

2. The Big Short (best thing it had going for it)

3. The Revenant

4. Spotlight

5. Star Wars

Best Visual Effects

Winner – Star Wars

My Order:

1. Star Wars

2. Mad Max

3. Ex Machina

4. The Martian

5. The Revenant

We’ll see how it goes. I have Mad Max and The Revenant winning pretty much everything it seems.

Adieu

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

Oscar Picks

2015-02-22T18:55:00.002-05:00

Oscar Picks 2015

There are picks to be made so I’ll get straight to it. I’m adding each movies betting odds as of 4:30 this afternoon and seeing how much money I would make(lose) if I dropped $10 on each pick. On we go.

Best Picture

Birdman

Odds: 4/9

I’ll start with the favorite. Birdman was a very well done movie. It was filmed to make it look like they got everything in one take, which was very cool. The acting was swell and I thought the ending was decent for being ambiguous.

Candy and a Movie Rating: 7.2

Boyhood

Odds: 8/5

Boyhood, (aka ASAB(all stepdads are bastards)) the movie that took 12 years to make. Filming it over 11 years was a very cool idea but the movie itself was very underwhelming. You’d think with all that time that they would be able to think about a little story every once in a while. Also I bet they wished that the kid grew up to be an actor.

Candy and a Movie Rating: 6.5

American Sniper

Odds: 9/1

Now this was a solid movie. Great acting by Cooper and cool battle scenes. Didn’t suck me in super emotionally though.

Candy and a Movie Rating: 7.4

The Imitation Game

Odds: 33/1

Every movie from here on is a big long shot now. Sherlock sure can act. I knew very little about the story so it was cool to learn a little while watching.

Candy and a Movie Rating: 7.5

Selma

40/1

I just finished Selma like 30 minutes ago. Actor who played MLK did a really good job, especially delivering speeches and the violence was definitely a little powerful. Not as good as some of these others but I thought it deserved its place being nominated.

Rating: 6.9

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Odds: 50/1

Wes Anderson makes a very Wes Anderson movie. I liked it but it wasn’t his best.

Rating: 7.3

Whiplash

66/1

Whiplash definitely had the best ending of any of these movies. Also out of all of the best pictures, it would be the first that I watched again.

Rating: 7.9

Theory of Everything

66/1

I thought this movie was kind of a well acted, high budget lifetime channel movie or something. What I’m saying is that I don’t see all of the love. Is it decent? Sure but there are other movies more deserving to be nominated.

Rating: 6.3

My pick: I’m going Birdman. It wasn’t my favorite but I can’t deny how well it was made. So that’s a $10 bet to win $4.44 This would be a stupid bet to make in real life so don’t actually do it viewers.

How I liked them:

1. Whiplash

2. Imitation Game

3. American Sniper

4. The Grand Budapest Hotel

5. Birdman

6. Selma

7. Boyhood

8. Theory of Everything

Best Director

Foxcatcher hasn’t been mentioned so I’ll talk about that first. This movie was slow but I liked the way it built tension. Steve Carrell and Channing Tatum were really good while Mark Ruffalo was solid himself. I’d say it is worth the one time watch.

Rating: 6.8

O.k., so the directors…

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Birdman)

1/2

Inarritu is the slight favorite at the moment. Like I said before, the movie is very well done. I’ve only seen one other of his movies, Amores Perros, and I liked it. Babel, 21 Grams and Biutiful are movies I always meant to see. He did a good job.

Richard Linklater (Boyhood)

6/5

Boyhood was a very novel movie and if he wins, it’s because of the idea of Boyhood more than the execution.

Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel)

25/1

He has his own style and they are always at least decent movies. Not a real chance here though.

Morten Tyldum

50/1

Does this guy have a name that could be in Game of Thrones or what? Headhunters has been on my watch list for a long time and I didn’t know he made that until just now. This was the first I’ve seen of him and I liked it.

Bennent Miller

50/1

I know they say people with three first names usually turn out to be serial killers but I have no idea what people with 2 last names turn into. Right now it’s a director with no chance of winning.

My pick is Linklater. $10 wins me $12. That’s action I like. After that my order would be Inarritu, Anderson, Tyldum, and then Miller

Best Actor

All of the movies have been covered already so no need for filler.

Eddie Redmayne (Theory of Everything)

2/7

He’s a pretty large favorite at the moment. I can’t really say more than he really did become Hawking.

Michael Keaton (Birdman)

3/1

I’ve been digging the Keaton comeback (other than Need for Speed) and it’s good to see him nominated because he did a good job.

Bradley Cooper (American Sniper)

7/1

He’s come a long way since The Hangover right? Did a wonderful job with the emotional scenes as well as the combat.

Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game)

28/1

Played a more reserved version of Sherlock pretty much and did a great job. Did call black people colored in real life though. Total Sherlock move

Steve Carrell (Foxcatcher)

50/1

He’s not winning although this was his best acting job yet. Other than one or two lines, I never saw Michael Scott.

I’m picking Keaton in the upset although Redmayne winning would be deserving too. $10 to win $30

The others in order would be Redmayne, Cooper, Cumberbatch, Carrell/

Best Actress

Running out of time so I’ll hit the movies that haven’t been mentioned yet real quick now, give my winners and my rankings. Boom

Still Alice was pretty sad but worth the watch. All about Moore’s performance. 6.9

Gone Girl sure was a wild. I’d watch it again. Pike certainly made me feel some things and did a good job. 7.3

I didn’t care for Wild all that much. Tracks was basically a better version of the same movie. 6.3

Two Days, One Night is a very simple but good movie. Cotillard carried the movie. 7.0

Nominees

Julianne Moore (Still Alice) 1/50

Reese Witherspoon (Wild) 12/1

Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl) 25/1

Felicity Jones (Theory of Everything) 40/1

Marion Cotillard (Two Days, One Night) 50/1

My Pick: Julliane Moore. $10 wins me an awful $0.20. She’s a big favorite.

My Rankings: Moore, Cotillard, Pike, Jones, Witherspoon

Supporting Actor

Jk Simmons is about all I need to say. Everyone else rightfully has no chance. Only movie not mentioned yet was The Judge. It was a pretty simple watch. Worth seeing one time. 6.8

Jk Simmons (Whiplash)1/50

Edward Norton (Birdman) 12/1

Mark Ruffalo (Foxcatcher) 16/1

Ethan Hawke (Boyhood) 33/1

Robert Duvall (The Judge) 33/1

Picking Simmons again for another $10 to win $0.20.

My Rankings; Simmons, Norton, Duvall, Ruffalo, Hawke. I’m not sure why Hawke is here.

Supporting Actress

Into the Woods is the only unmentioned one here. It wins the award for dirtiest kids movie of the year. Didn’t like it at all (usually I’d be really into the dirtiest kids movie) and I’d say it’s not worth the watch. 4.9

Patricia Arquette (Boyhood) 1/50

Emma Stone (Birdman) 14/1

Meryl Streep (Into the Woods) 25/1

Kiera Knightley (The Imitation Game) 25/1

Laura Dern (Wild) 25/1

My Pick: Arquette $10 to win $0.20 again. Big favorites for all of these lately.

My Ranking: This is the weakest category performance wise so far. Arquette, Dern, Knightley, Streep, Stone

Best Adapted Screenplay

One new addition is Inherent Vice. Liked it better than The Master but still not close to There Will Be Blood level for the other Anderson Director

The Imitation Game 2/5

Whiplash 5/2

The Theory of Everything 5/1

American Sniper 16/1

Inherent Vice 33/1

My Pick: Tough call between Imitation Game and Sniper. Going with the favorite, Game, at $10 to win $4

My Ranking: The Imitation Game, American Sniper, Whiplash, The Theory of Everything, Inherent Vice

Original Screenplay

I really liked Foxcatcher a lot. Worth multiple watches in my opinion. 7.9

The Grand Budapest Hotel 4/9

Birdman 3/2

Boyhood 12/1

Foxcatcher 50/1

Nightcrawler 50/1

My Pick: Birdman $10 to win $15

My Ranking: Nightcrawler, Birdman, Budapest, Foxcatcher, Boyhood

Animated Feature

Here’s the first category where I haven’t seen one. I couldn’t find the Song of the Sea anywhere, so if it wins, it doesn’t count here. I didn’t care for How to Train Your Dragon 2. Liked the first much better 5.8. Big Hero 6 was very enjoyable. I think I’ve seen it twice while babysitting now and it was good both time. 7.0. The Tale of Princess Kaguya looks pretty beautiful. I’m a fan of the watercolor looking Japanese movies. Story itself was ok. Wouldn’t call it a must watch though. 6.0. The Boxtrolls was stale. Not worth the watch. 5.0

HTTYD2 1/4

Big Hero 6 5/2

Song of the Sea 16/1

The Tale of Princess Kaguya 16/1

The Boxtrolls 18/1

My Pick: It would be The Lego Movie because it was better than all of these. I guess I’ll pick the favorite, Dragon, because I don’t think the old Academy members will pick a superhero movie. $10 wins $2.5

My Ranking: Big Hero 6, Tale of Princess Kaguya, HTTYD2, Boxtrolls

Best Foreign Film

I didn’t see Timbuktu or Wild Tales (really wanted to see this one) so again if they win, this doesn’t count. Ida was a really great looking black and white polish movie that is definitely worth the watch. 7.3. A little harsh though. Leviathan is the Russian entry and is great looking although the story is insanely harsh. I thought it was worth the watch but make sure you know what you’re are getting into (I didn’t). 6.9. Tangerines has the be the first Estonian movie I’ve ever seen and I liked it a lot. Totally worth the watch. 7.2. Also you might here that Force Majeure was a snub but I disagree. It was pretty good but not as good as these 3.

Ida 2/5

Leviathan 11/5

Wild Tales 8/1

Timbuktu 25/1

Tangerines 33/1

My Pick: Ida $10 to win $4

My Ranking: Ida, Tangerines, Leviathan

Best Documentary Feature

Let me start by saying 20 Feet from Stardom beating Act of Killing last year was terrible. Never should have happened. Anyway, this year I didn’t see Salt of the Earth. CitizenFour had me interested in a very uninteresting topic. 6.4 Virunga was a doc set in Africa so you know it’s going to be about people going through some things. Very good. 6.8. Finding Vivian Maier was pretty boring. Only watch if you really want to. 6.0 Last Days In Vietnam had some good stories. 6.4

CitizenFour 1/8

Virunga 4/1

Finding Vivian Maier 14/1

Last Days in Vietnam 25/1

The Salt of the Earth 25/1

My Pick: CitizenFour $10 to win $1.25

Best Original Score

Interstellar was a whole thing. I like Nolan movies a lot so I'll be watching it again. 7.5. Mr. Turner didn't really do much for me but Peter Pettigrew did a really solid job acting. There were a couple of very cool shots too. 6.8

Theory of Everything 4/7

Budapest 7/5

Imitation Game 10/1

Interstellar 12/1

Mr. Turner 50/1

My Pick: Theory of Everything $10 to win $5.71. When you actually notice the score, you know it’s good

My Ranking: Theory of everything, Interstellar, Budapest, Imitation Game, Turner

Best Original Song

Haven’t heard the Beyond the Lights or Glen Campbell song

The Lego movie was my favorite animated movie this year. 7.2 Multiple watches. Begin Again was a good easy movie. Like Ruffalo more in this than Foxcatcher. 6.6

Glory(Selma) 1/5

Everything is Awesome (The Lego Movie) 4/1

I’m Not Gonna Miss You (GC) 9/1

Lost Stars (Begin Again) 10/1

Grateful (BtL) 33/1

My Pick: Glory $10 to win $2 although I think The Lego Movie should win something so i'll be rooting for it.

My Ranking: Lego, Selma, Begin Again

Costume Design

Generally I think most people didn't care for Maleficent but I thought it was better than I expected. 6.5

Budapest 1/10

Into the Woods 9/2

Maleficent 20/1

Mr. Turner 20/1

Inherent Vice 25/1

My Pick: Budapest $10 to win $1

My Ranking: Budapest, Maleficent, Mr. Turner, Into the Woods, Inherent Vice

Animated Short

I only saw Feast so that’s my pick. This Category won’t count but I’ll give you the odds anyway.

Feast 1/4

The Dam Keeper 7/2

The Bigger Picture 6/1

A Single Life 20/1

Me and my Moulton 20/1

Best Live Action Short

Didn’t see any.

The Phone Call 4/9

Boogaloo and Graham 3/1

Butter Lamp 6/1

Parvaneh 8/1

Aya 12/1

I guess I’ll go with the favorite

Best Production Design

Budapest 1/12

Into the Woods 5/1

Mr. Turner 12/1

Interstellar 22/1

Imitation Game 25/1

My Pick: Budapest $10 to win $0.83. The sets were my favorite part of the movie

My Ranking: Budapest, Interstellar, Turner, Woods, Imitation Game

Visual Effects

I didn't see the Franco Planet of the Apes but watched this one anyway. It wasn't bad. 6.5. Guardians of the Galaxy was a lot of fun and one of my favorites this year. 7.4 X-Men was a little disappointing. I don't really like McAvoy 6.6 Winter Soldier was a lot better than the first 6.9

Interstellar 1/5

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 11/4

Guardians of the Galaxy 7/1

X-Men: Days of Future Past 40/1

Captain America: The Winter Soldier 50/1

My Pick: Interstellar $10 to win $2

My Ranking: Interstellar, Guardians, Apes, X-Men, Captain America

Cinematography

Unbroken was a pretty good biopic that got a little cheesy at times. 6.7

Birdman 1/12

Budapest 5/1

Ida 16/1

Unbroken 16/1

Turner 33/1

My Pick: Birdman $10 to win $.83

My Ranking: Birdman, Ida, Budapest, Turner, Unbroken

Makeup and Hairstyling

Budapest 1/7

Guardians of the Galaxy 7/2

Foxcatcher 8/1

My Pick: Guardians $10 to win $35

Ranking: Guardians, Budapest, Foxcatcher

Film Editing

Boyhood 1/5

Whiplash 13/5

American Sniper 10/1

Budapest 25/1

Imitation Game 25/1

My Pick: Boyhood $10 to win $2. They had 12 years of stuff to edit

Ranking: My order of favorites for once

The rest of these don’t have odds

Best Documentary Short

I only saw 2, Crisis Hotline and Our Curse so if it’s not one of those, it won’t count. Liked Curse better

Sound Editing

The Hobbit was the same old thing as you've heard and was kind of a let down. 6.4

Pick: American Sniper

Ranking: American Sniper, Interstellar, Hobbit, Birdman, Unbroken

Sound Mixing

Pick: Whiplash

Ranking: Whiplash, American Sniper, Interstellar, Birdman, Unbroken

What's Going On

2015-01-14T13:45:00.002-05:00

Why, hello readers. We are already two weeks in 2015. It seems like it's going by fast and this blog is due for some content. So here's a list of what's coming up.

-Favorite Movies of 2014. I only have a few more left to watch and then I'll make a post. Look for that soon.

-Movies released 2013-2014 rankings. Why? Because I've seen a lot of them and I want you to admire it. Also think of it as a guide to help you decide what to watch and what to pass on. I made a post similar to it in September, but this will be better. Currently I'm at 245 movies watched that fall into this post. Already admiring me right?

After that it's Oscar season. There's a good chance that I have already watched most of the movies nominated this year so I'll be able to do a better job posting. Also I was 19/22 (86ish) percent on picking winners last year and it would've been higher but the Act of Killing was robbed in the Best Documentary category. Terrible choice. This is also not counting the shorts I didn't see.

So look alive people, there are posts to come. As always visit the facebook where I add all my new posts. I'm also going to be posting there more in general quick thoughts about movies I just finished watching. Hey I might even respond and not delete your comments if you leave one.

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie
And good day to yous

Halloween Wrap Up

2014-10-31T17:14:00.000-04:00

I made it to 31 horror movies watched in October again. Also, I didn't get anywhere near 31 reviews but to make up for that I made a list of why you should or shouldn't see each movie for Halloween tonight. They're ranked worst to best. The rest of the reviews will be posted in November. To the list!

31. V/H/S Viral

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3704538/
DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......you want to feel like the guy who drank from the wrong cup in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

30. Wolf Creek 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2004432/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......the only other movie you have is Crocodile Dundee 3: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. It's the only worse Australian movie

29. The Last Exorcism Part II

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2034139/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......it's your only objective in life to see every movie with an exorcism (demon intervention), even the bad ones. This is one of the worst.

28. Wolf Creek

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416315/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......you hate your friends and loved ones. There's nothing good about this movie (and I liked the second) so they'll think you don't like them for picking it.

27. The ABC's of Death 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2926810/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......You still frost your tips. You're used to bad things.

26. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2473682/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......you are under the influence of something. Actually anything. Drugs, alcohol, quesarittos, ect. It doesn't matter, as long as you are impaired.

25. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1270761/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......you're under the age of two. They are the only people who might be scared. This is not for people who can talk.

24. The Sacrament

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2383068/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......instead of wanting to watch a horror movie, you'd rather just watch a lame discovery channel dramatization of Jonestown that would only air at 4:00am

23. Deliver Us From Evil

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2377322/

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......you enjoy wearing jean shorts. Bad characters acting in a boring movie with only one good scene near the end.

22. The Purge

DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE UNLESS......you think slding down the stairs in a laundry basket will work out. Like this movie, it's a good idea that just doesn't work out.

21. Acolytes

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0902952/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you like kids trying to get even. Changed it up a little because this movie wasn't awful. The acting is meh but if you are into thrillers its good enough.

20. Oculus

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2388715/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you don't watch a lot of horror movies. You'll probably like it. There are a lot of movies with this same tone/haunting and they've been done better.

19. The Purge: Anarchy

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2975578/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you might want to legally murder a guy or two. The first Purge should've been more like this. Get out on the streets and start killing. Decent action movie

18. The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070297/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you like campy old kung fu movies. If you don't, then it's not for you. It's ok, not near a must watch though.

17. The Innkeepers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1594562/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you like being scared but not going anywhere with the scares. That's how this felt. It was ok.

16. Grave Encounters

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1703199/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......abandoned asylums are the best horror movie setting for you. They are for me so I really had a good time watching this. Possibly the worst acting in the whole list though.

15. The Quiet Ones

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2235779/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you grew up in a neutral country and like everything average. Nothing too good or too bad about this one.

14. Insidious: Chapter 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2226417/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you liked the first one. It's about the same. Some scary things are scary and some are the opposite.

13. Ginger Snaps

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0210070/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you like Clueless and werewolves.

12. Willow Creek

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2885364/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you like found footage movies that don't have annoying characters as the leads. Most do, this doesn't. Also drink every time someone says bigfoot is a fun game.

11. Annabelle

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3322940/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you can put up with a lot of slow scenes for one really good one. The elevator part was so good it made me feel bad for the character.

10. Black Sheep

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0779982/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......You're with a group who like having a good time and don't mind a bit of blood.

9. Afflicted

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2309961/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you want to see what backpacking through europe turning into becoming a vampire looks like. I did. Also see what jumping out of a four story window looks like.

8. The Battery

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272350/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you like zombies and pbr. This movie is VERY indie but I happened to like it quite a bit.

7. Poltergeist

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you like Raiders of the Lost Ark and haunted houses. That's how I would describe this.

6. You're Next

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1853739/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you want to see a good version of The Strangers with a very strong female lead. Really liked this one.

5. Don't Look Now

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069995/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......You want to watch a great looking 70's mystery/thriller. Some really cool things done with the camera in this one.

bonus
DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you can't stand seeing old guy but because there's like 5 straight minutes of boning in here. If you can't skip or play something like panda pop on your phone for a little bit, it may take you out of the movie.

4. Invasion of the Body Snatchers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049366/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you want to see a top 10 pre-1960 horror movie. The originial is just as good (if not better) than the 70's remake.

3. Videodrome

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086541/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you want your mind to be blown in unsettling ways. What's real and what isn't? I liked it even more the second time watching.

2. Misery

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100157/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF......you've never seen it before and don't know anything about it. Also, if you are one of those tough guys who says that monsters, demons and ghosts don't scare you because you have no imagination because this is real life horror. Also watch if you have seen it before because it's a solid re-watch

1. The Houses October Built

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1958043/

WATCH THIS MOVIE IF.......you want to get sucked in to something good. Is this the best movie on the list? No. It was the best horror experience I had all month. Not perfect because the ending is a little meh but even if you are a person who doesn't like found footage movies, this is still worth the watch.

Hey, this is better than nothing. Watch something good tonight.

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

Misery (October Movie 18)

2014-10-31T00:36:00.000-04:00

Misery

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100157/

We have a first for this month. I’ve seen Misery before and that’s the only movie I can say that about for October. One of my life’s greatest regrets is seeing the ankle/hammer scene before the actual movie, ruining the surprise. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading this and watch the movie so it isn’t ruined for you too. Before I die, I want to watch this with someone who (whom) I have convinced that Misery is an inspirational tale about a writer bonding with the person nursing him back to health. They wouldn’t think it’s a horror movie at all. Movie time.

Paul Sheldon finishes writing his newest book and goes out for a drive during a blizzard in Colorado. His car flips off the road (of course) and he's rescued by his superfan (also a nurse) Annie Wilkes. Things are going pretty well. He's slowly recovering and Annie is keeping a good watch on him. Everything is normal until Annie reads some of Paul's new book and doesn't like the start. She yells at him like a crazy person and then tells him "I love you". We have ourselves a psychopathic horror movie now.

Annie completely loses it when she finishes the book and doesn't like that the main character dies. She changes the whole game by saying “no one knows you're here and you're mine now”. Some hostile stuff like that for the first time. Annie leaves and comes back, telling Paul that she just had a talk with God. He told her to change Paul's ways. Step one to that is burning his book on a grill right in front of him.

Annie loses it again when Paul says he doesn't like the paper she bought when she sets him up with a typewriter to try and have him write the story right this time. After a few tense scenes of Paul sneaking around the house and Annie raging, Paul finally writes a draft that is acceptable for her and they have dinner together where he tries to drug her. Unfortunately for Paul, the wine glass that he spiked is knocked over.

One night Annie is acting particularly crazy, takes a gun out, and leaves for a while. Paul does some more snooping around the house and finds out Annie has killed a fair share of people in her time. He grabs a knife, returns to his bed and waits to strike in the morning. That plan fails when Annie busts in during the night and injects him with something that knocks him out. He wakes up and is tied down to the bed. Moonlight sonata starts playing. Annie shows Paul the knife, which she found. She places a block between his legs, grabs a sledgehammer, and whacks both of his ankles, which breaks them. She called it "hobbling". When it's all over, Annie says "I love you" again and the scene is over. So good.

Sometime after all that happens, the town sheriff finally figures out its Annie who has abducted Paul. He shows up at Annie's farm, where she has just drugged Paul again and put him in the basement. The sheriff and her chat a little and eventually he goes off on his own to look around the house. Right as he's leaving, Paul makes a noise in the basement that alerts the sheriff. He opens the door, sees Paul and takes a shotgun blast to the back from Annie. Whammy. Annie tells Paul it's now time that they die together. Paul responds with reminding her that the book isn't finished and she snaps out of murder/suicide mode.

Paul finishes the book and burns it right in front of Annie, which sets her off. They have a big fight with Paul getting shot in the shoulder and Annie getting tiger palmed in the nose. I would love to punch Kathy Bates in the face. I don't have anything against her, just want to. She falls onto the corner of the typewriter and is knocked out. You think it's finally over but Annie attacks once more only to be finally killed when Paul beats her in the face with an iron (actually made of iron).

The final scene takes place 18 months later in New York. Paul is at lunch when Annie walks out as a waitress although it ends up just being a hallucination in his head. The random waitress lady tells him he's her biggest fan, continuing the creepiness. The end.

Rating: 7.7 I really like this movie. It’s definitely one of Stephen King’s better horror movies. I might have it #2 behind The Shining. Annie’s insane character and Kathy Bates acting makes the whole movie. Worth owning.

Favorite Scene: The hobbling is one of my favorite scenes all time, even if it was spoiled. The ominous music, the confusion what a wooden block is doing there and Annie’s calm demeanor are great. James Caan does a great job as Paul in it as well.

Memorable Lines:

What I would’ve done as the main character: Paul handles himself probably better than I would have. Hiding things inside the mattress? Pretty clever. Also I would’ve been bored out of my mind being stuck in that room. I’m pretty sure I’d be dead by the end is what I’m saying.

What happens in the sequel: I really like the ending idea continuing where Paul is still dramatized by what happened and sees Annie all of the place. Let’s have him get captured by Annie’s rival and he has to type on this new thing called a personal computer instead of a typewriter. She sticks with the original script and cuts Paul’s foot off with an axe instead of just breaking it.

Uh Oh! Someones got some bruises!

Don't worry though, your cheerful nurse will take care of you

She'll even go above and beyond her duties

These might be a little too tight though

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

Ginger Snaps (October Movie 17)

2014-10-30T23:59:00.001-04:00

Ginger Snaps

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0210070/

I was looking forward to this movie quite a bit actually and was a little let down but I’ve just come to realize something. I don’t really like high school kids. I don’t know what it is about them but I have this I’m better than they are feeling. Am I old? Multiple times this month I’ve talked about them and I’m always describing them as annoying. Is it my fault that every time I pick a kid up at elementary school and see the smug high schoolers next door thinking they’re so cool because they’re on the garbage school basketball team that I think something like “hey buddy, you’re not so cool. I could take you easily in a game to eleven”? Ok, it might be a little. I’ll have to work on this. To the movie.

A little kid finds there dog mutilated in the backyard and his mom absolutely loses her mind. No one seems to care, especially these two teen sisters that have a suicide pact together. There's some beast going around town killing everyone's dogs. Poor dogs, why couldn’t it just kill high school kids? Still working on it. One night the death obsessed girls are attacked and the older one, Ginger, gets bitten all over the place but gets away when the beast gets killed by a truck while crossing the street.

Bridgette and Ginger make it home and Ginger with miraculously already healing. Calling it healing might be a stretch though when we see that there's hair growing out of the wounds on her shoulder. Gingers personality starts changing (she went from goth to skank) and the sisters who were once super close fall apart. Oh and one day Bridgette sees that Ginger is starting to grow a tail.

About a month in an almost completely transformed werewolf Ginger kills the neighbors dog and roughs up the guy she's banging. He starts turning into a wolf next. Bridgette decides to do something about it and starts working on a cure for Ginger. Also the tail is super gross. Ginger goes to school and kills the janitor and guidance counselor. Only the counselor deserved it.

Bridgette goes to the to the big Halloween party and snags Ginger as she's turning into a hairy beast. Bridgette and her drug dealer acquaintance fight Ginger inside her house. The dealer dies first and then after a solid showdown, wolf Ginger takes a knife to the chest. Even though it was a monster, it was still her sister so everyone's sad.

Rating: 6.0 There are good things about this movie and there are also not so good things. It’s a refreshing change up to the dark and brooding tones that I’m used to seeing in werewolf movies. It’s also basically the horror version of Clueless with worse acting. You see, good and bad. The ending makes up for the rest of the movie at least. Good looking werewolves too (as in scary not attractive).

Favorite Scene: The final hunt down in the basement. Not using CGI made it a lot better.

Memorable Lines: “Wrists are for girls. I’m slitting my throat”. Metal.

What I would’ve done as the main character: Can’t think of a whole lot I would’ve done differently. I would’ve made my trap for Ginger a little cleverer and actually got the cure into her. She was super close to her sister and her actions made quite a bit of sense. Good job writer.

What happens in the sequel: The whole high school basketball team is made up of werewolves.

The transformation of a werewolf. First she's a normal goth girl

She transcends to popularity in her next form, the skank

Here you can see the never misdiagnosed six-head stage

Finally we have the complete werewolf

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (October Movie 16)

2014-10-30T17:50:00.003-04:00

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2473682/?ref_=nv_sr_1

So this is the fifth Paranormal Activity and I’ve seen them all. Generally they tend to be very slow with a climatic last five minutes. It will never blow you away but I enjoy watching with other people. This is the first one where white people aren’t haunted. Time to diversify.

A cholo graduates high school and buys a camcorder. He and his friend drop a go pro camera they also got down a vent to spy on the neighbor downstairs and see her butt naked (she's gross) painting a circle on another butt naked girl (better looking). That night some guy they knew from high school jumps out of the neighbor’s apartment and she winds up dead. I think he did it.

The two dumb main characters decide to break into her now turned crime scene apartment where they hear a baby crying but only find a doll in the crib. There's blood all over the place and they leave with the lady’s journal. Inside of it is a bunch of stuff about demons and portals and stuff. It’s a good read.

They go to a church and with a mirror painted black, try and make a portal to hell I suppose. Even if you're curious, I don't see the point. At best, nothing happens and at worst a demon shows up. Well nothing happens for a while until the noises start. They track them down to a locked stall in the bathroom. They look under the door but it's empty. It's starts banging anyway and the cheese it out of there. Decent scare.

The main character, Jesse, wakes up with a bite mark the next morning and his dog doesn't like him anymore. That's never good. They play Simon (the flashing light memory game, you know it) and that night and it starts working as an Ouija board almost, answering their questions. Jesse and his friend get jumped at a basketball court and somehow Jesse flicks them in the air like 10 feet. More Simon Ouija that night. It's answers yes to "did you send those guys flying tonight" but nothing to "are you good". Also no to "are you my guardian angel".

Jesse wakes up the next night and has some super powers. He can jump really high, blow up air mattresses really fast and lean back really far. Not amazing powers at all. Jesse and his friend go to a party and bring two chicas back to the dead ladies apartment. The one chica Jesse is with starts talking dirty and asks him to go get some supplies for the humping that is about to happen. While she is alone, she finds a trap door. The skank peeks down it and a hand grabs out at her head. I jumped. Jesse shows back up and is confronted by the guy who came out if the trapdoor (same guy who murdered the old lady). The guy tells him that he was also bit and it makes you do bad things. The only way out is by killing yourself. Oh yeah, his eyes are completely black too. He runs away and jumps off the church to his death. Biggest jump yet.

Jesse and his cousin go down the trap door the next day. They find a bunch of pictures of Jesse down there, including ones of his mom pregnant with him. A random lady in a black (power) suit shows up but nothing happens. Jesse pulls black strings out of his eyes and makes a scary face into the mirror really fast. I don't like things with eyes.

They go to the church jumpers house and see that he's been researching about kids all over the world who are "marked" like him and Jesse. Later that day, everyone is at the store and Jesse loses his cool on some guy. He freaks out about not being able to be in control of himself later and tells the demon to leave him alone through the Simon Ouija but is answered no. That night Jesse hears his dog down the trapdoor. He goes down and finds two black eyed creepy girls. He starts running away but a dark shape slams him down in the basement. After a few tense moments, a thing jumps him with a demon like growl.

Jesse is acting all bananas now. His cousin and friend go to a demon expert and learn that Jesse was probably marked as a fetus by a coven called the midwives to be possessed when he matured. The cousin comes home to see Jesse laughing while his dog is pinned against then ceiling with mind powers I guess.

If ever there was a time for a demon intervention aka exorcism, it's now. Grandma starts saying some Spanish prayers when he freaks out and grabs her. All the lights turn off so we're switched to night vision for a second. A corner of the room looks like it's being sucked up with a vacuum when bam, Jesse and all of the light reappears.

The next morning, Jesse is still passed out from the previous nights activities so grandma runs him a bath. The bath doesn't go great because Jesse pushes grandma down the stairs, which creates pool of blood on the sidewalk around her head. Bad Jesse! He then attacks his friends but gets kidnapped by the witches.

Jesse's cousin, friend and two cholo gangstas find the house where the witches took him and try to get him back. A few witches pop out at them and take shotgun shells to their guts. They get separated so the friend (and us) is all alone. That lasts for like a minute when the cousin blasts through the ceiling, dead and witches are popping up all over the place. Monster Jesse chases the friend all through the house and finally to a weird looking door. He enters it and finds himself in the house from the first movie. Katie shows up and stabs Micah again, while demon Jesse shows up again and kills the friend. The end.

Rating: 4.9 They tried in this one at least by tying the ending in the all of the previous movies. The acting might be at an all time worst in this one and that’s saying something because usually these are D listers at best. I was going to say that it would probably be cool if this was the last P.A. but it seems another is planned for 2015. I’ll probably see it and not really like it, just like the other ones.

Favorite Scene: Walking through the church in the dark. Churches at night are spooky places.

Memorable Lines: 0

What I would’ve done as the main character: I’m not saying that I believe in all the exorcism stuff, but I have enough doubt that I’m trying not making portals to hell. Instead maybe I would join an indoor soccer team. Much better character building and stronger possibility to make not evil friends.

What happens in the sequel: Well the next one is called the ghost dimension. It would please me very much if they actually show a ghost dimension and not just say things are from there. The budget for this one was only 5 mill so I can’t imagine it looking very good.

It could've just been a big dog

Ay Papi!

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

Acolytes (October Movie 15)

2014-10-30T15:09:00.000-04:00

Acolytes

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0902952/?ref_=nv_sr_1

I didn't know anything about this movie going into it except for Joel Edgerton was in it and I'm a fan of his. I didn't even know what an acolyte is which looks bad for me because this movie is Australian and half of their vocabulary is the C word. Movie time.

A girl is out taking a walk through the woods. She's doing a little hiking, playing with butterflies and other woodsy things. Some time later a high schooler named Mark is walking through the same said woods and sees a guy burying something. The digger gets away but Mark gets a good look at his truck. Mark goes to school later and tells his friend James and his girlfriend Chasely about what he saw. They all like to up the punx so they head to the woods and dig up whatever the random guy was burying. Unfortunately it's a body. They freak out and make it their mission to track down the truck of the gravedigger more out of curiosity than justice though.

On their way home, they drive by a random guy with a swastika who chases after them. Story takes a dark turn when James tells us that the Nazi raped him and Mark when they were younger. Yikes. After a while they find the truck and track it down to the guys house. It's Joels and he has a serious bad guy mustache going on. James leaves Joel a note a sign that they know what he did and call him that night telling him to go kill the racist dude in the next 24 hours or they're calling the cops.

There's a scene where James and Chasely go to the bonezone (there must be a fan blowing on her somewhere because her hair is all over the place) and Mark gives himself a low-high five while looking at himself in the mirror at the same time. Weird and sad. When that ends, Joel shows up to kill the rapist but instead asks him info about the Mark and James instead.

The next day the rapist captures all of them and drives the punks to Joel. They're let loose in a trailer park where the rapist tries hunting them down with with a crossbow. James jumps on him though and Mark kills him while Joel watches. A day later or so James is caught and killed by Joel. The killer then picks Mark up and wants him to be his Acolyte (there it is) and kill some hitchhiker with him. Mark says no and is driven to Joel's house where he has Chasely tied up.

Joel puts a gun up to her head and tells Mark to tell her the whole story about what happened in the woods at the beginning or she'll be killed. Mark says that he was hanging out in the woods and wanted to feel the girl up a little bit. As she was running away, the rapist was randomly driving by and hit her with his car. Joel got involved because he found it. So that's what happened. Joel's wife walks in and stabs Mark in the stomach. You could say that she's a bad example for her infant child. Or possibly she's just a very average Australian.

Mark dies but before doing so takes the knife out of his chest and stabs it in Joel. Chasely really kills Joel and gets away. End movie.

Rating: 6.2 Acolytes started out very slow but turned into an enjoyable one time watch thriller. The main characters being your cliche rebel high school kids was meh, especially James but once he got out of the way it was better. Movie went all in with the back story of the kids being rape victims but it ended up working with the main plot. The acting was generally nothing great but the cinematography looked very nice.

Favorite Scene: The basement when everything is revealed.

Memorable Lines: still nothing

What I would've done if I was the main character: Not mess with a mentally disabled girl in the woods and then cover up her death. Also I wouldn't make deals with my rapist for covering up the crime and then get in shady dealings with known murderers. Just a slew of different decisions.

What happens in the sequel: Chasely changes her name to something real and gets revenge by killing Joel's wife and raising their kid as their own. That's revenge right?

Could we look cooler?

Don't trust that mustache hitchhiker!

No one ever taught James how to shower

The only way to keep her from screaming

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0902952/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (October Movie 14)

2014-10-30T00:48:00.001-04:00

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1270761/?ref_=nv_sr_2

I wrote up a whole thing about this movie and it was unfortunately deleted. Movie wasn't good enough to do it over and I'm still way behind in October with one day too go. I'll just do a quick write up of my thoughts and then all the rating stuff.

This was like a kids movie that isn't for kids. Had the same feeling as Darkness Falls. Actually now that I think about it, each have a lot to do with staying in the light and teeth. I like Guy Pearce a lot but his character was lame so there wasn't much he could do about it. Katie Holmes isn't the best but at least she isn't bad to look at. She did a good enough job here. The kid's character ventured between being bratty and misunderstood so of course she was annoying. Also the final scene with Katie's voice was really bad.

Rating: 4.7 This was not worth the watch. Didn't produce any scares, mostly because the little monsters weren't scary. Also Guy let Katie get killed, come on. There's the movie spoiled so you don't have to see it now. You're welcome.

Favorite Scene: I was trying to think of one but nothing really came up. For such a creepy mansion, the director did a pretty bad job creating a scary environment. Maybe when the groundskeeper gets it near the middle.

Memorable Lines: 0

What I would've done as the main character: Well the main character is a little girl so it's hard to say. Maybe not be so much of a brat that it drives my single mother to stop liking me to the point where she ships me off to my neglectful father who also doesn't want me. Maybe.

What happens in the sequel: There will never be one and if there is I hope the characters don't waste 75% of the movie not believing in what's going on.

I'd be creepier if I wasn't four inches tall

I don't like this title. It's too demanding
https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

The Innkeepers (October Movie 13)

2014-10-30T00:13:00.000-04:00

The Innkeepers

Claire and Luke are the only people working at an Inn during its final weekend open. They are fans of the paranormal (Luke more so) and have seen a few weird things during their time at the hotel. After a few pop out scares that turn out to be nothing, Claire records various rooms in the hotel for ghost interactions. There’s a lot of nothing recorded until the piano starts playing on its on, which freaks Claire out.

One of the three other guests staying at the hotel is a spirit healer psychic of some sort and is in tune with the spirits a little. The lady says she can feel three spirits who want to live again in the inn and a tragic mistake happened sometime a while ago in the basement. Then the she says to Claire don’t go down there. Well that’s not fair.

Two people check out and an old man checks in, requesting a particular room that he stayed in during his honeymoon. That night Luke goes out listening for spirits this time. He and Claire get a little drunk, which makes them come up with the idea of investigating the basement.

When they get into the basement, the scariness is all too much for Luke who cheese’s it out of the inn. Can’t say I blame him but now Claire is alone and not getting much help from the psychic healer lady guest. Reluctantly the psychic goes down anyway and has a freak-out moment of her own. She says things aren’t good and they all need to get out of the hotel stat. Claire packs her things and remembers about the old guy who checked in earlier.

He’s totally dead in his bathtub and there’s a ghost hung in the bedroom. Things aren’t so chill right now at all. Claire peeks into the basement even though the psychic said not to only to have the dead guy pop up behind her causing Claire to fall down the stairs. She makes it to her feet but is being chased by the dude now. The chick ghost corners her and closes in.

Text pops up on the screen that says “The Epilogue”. Claire is dead and Luke has to answer questions for the police. He bumps into the psychic and learns that she knew this was going to happen but she says there’s nothing anyone could’ve done. She did say don’t go in the basement so there’s that.

Rating: 4.5 This was another Ti West movie (remember The Sacrament) that doesn’t deliver. The first half of this movie had such a good feel to it. I felt like I was watching a horror version of The Goonies. It was fun and adventurous. And then nothing ever really happened. It’s almost like they ran out of days to film an ending so they just said lets just skip it and film an epilogue. The ghosts looked awful too. Much better makeup work done in The Battery and they only had a $6,000 budget. Come on Ti.

Favorite Scene: When Claire goes out looking for sounds and hears the piano. I liked it because at first I couldn’t tell if I was really hearing something or not.

Memorable Lines: Nah

What I would’ve done as the main character: If I’ve already seen a real ghost and the psychic who told me they are in the basement told me to not go down there, I don’t go down there.

What happens in the sequel: It’s not totally sequel. It’s a scene-by-scene remake of the first hour and then a totally different movie in the second. Lots of time is spent running around the Inn looking for ways to deal with the ghost and more than two minutes is spent in the basement, the center of evil.

This is what working at a hotel with no ghosts looks like

This is what being a ghost hunter looks like (boring because ghosts aren't real)

This is what Ti West's lame ghosts look like

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

The Battery (October Movie 12)

2014-10-29T23:32:00.000-04:00

The Battery

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272350/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Two friends, Mickey and Ben, are just living life in a zombie filled world. After roughing it for a while in the woods, they find a Volvo and take it to Mickey’s old girlfriend’s house. After Mickey whines for about five straight minutes of movie, they hear people talking over their radios and contemplate going to them for help. It doesn’t matter in the end because the other people don’t respond.

Things get weird when Ben takes a bath in the river (showing off everything) simultaneously while a female zombie tries to get in the car prompting Mickey to give himself a low high five (you know what I mean). That has to be a first for the zombie genre. They find a house and hang out there for a while. Mickey literally cries after getting rejected by the girl on the radio who (whom) he has fallen in love with overnight.

After some more just living, they come across the chick from the radio in person. She shoots Ben in the leg, throws their keys in a field and drives away. She’s not a keeper. That night their car is swarmed by zombies. After a few days of trying to wait it out, Mickey takes another go at finding the keys and hops out of the sunroof. After five minutes of waiting (yes we wait the whole time in the car too) Mickey returns with no keys and a bit hand. Ben begrudgingly kills Mickey and makes his way out of the car on foot. He tells the chick on the radio that he’s coming for her. That’s it.

Rating: 6.8 This is a very simple movie. It has to be one of my shorter write-ups yet but I still enjoyed it quite a bit. There isn’t any back-story of the characters really or how the zombie plague started. It’s just two guys hanging out and making it in a zombie filled world and I liked that. There isn’t any cure or magically safe place that they need to get to for added drama or anything like that. The acting is pretty rough but once you get the feel for how low budget everything is, it’s ok. The only thing that I wasn’t into at all was how Mickey was a terribly pathetic and annoying character. Made a few things hard to watch. If you are one of the people who say things like “I’m done with the zombie genre” then you probably won’t like this. If the zombie world is still cool like it is to me, than it’s worth a one-time watch.

Favorite Scene: Although there is nothing particularly well done about their time stuck in the car, I just like the whole scenario of it.

Memorable Lines: Not in this one.

What I would do if I were the main character: Find a better friend than Mickey.

What happens in the sequel: Ben does and Mickey is so forgettable that he doesn’t remember to get revenge for him.

Not enough joking around in zombie movies

Its like a reverse of the titanic scene. Sweaty hands on the outside.

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

The Sacrament (October Movie 11)

2014-10-28T23:52:00.002-04:00

The Sacrament

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2383068/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

Lets talk about Ti West, the director of this. His first big movie, House of the Devil was a really solid movie. He followed that up with The Innkeepers (an underwhelming movie that’s coming up next) and this lame flick. After that he made an underwhelming short for the first VHS and a terrible one for the ABCs of Death. What the heck happened? He is the movie version of Kirk Cousins. Had a good first game and now every game blows. Movie time.

A guy’s sister sends him a letter saying she is living at a new commune at some unknown location. Together with a reporter and cameramen, the three dudes head to the commune to check out the situation. A few guys greet them with machine guns at the front gate but things ease down once inside. The reporter interviews a few people who live there and they all seem to think the commune (named Eden Parish) is the best thing that ever happened to them.

That night at a gathering of the entire group, the reporter interviews the man in charge who goes by “Father”. He comes off as a pretty nice southern gentleman but eventually he starts sounding pretty loony. Right as the interview starts getting a little weird and testy, Father cuts it off and starts the party.

Things finally get good later that night. After the party, a little girl walks up to the reporter and cameraman and hands them a slip of paper that says “please help us”. In the office, they find a safe, which holds everyone in parish’s passports. They go looking for their friend but it seems that his sister has pimped him out to her friends for some lovin time. The reporter and cameraman start freaking out when they can’t find the guy (Patrick) and Father threatens them a little. The two of them track down the little girl’s family who tells them that they are being held against their will. People who act out or try to leave are beaten or worse. The people who don’t want out are totally brainwashed. Patrick’s sister is one of those and apparently has done some messed up things to people trying to leave.

The next morning, like 40 people show up with their suitcases and want to leave with freak fest with them. Ricky Gervais would say everything is going “tits up”. Patrick’s sister loses is and runs to Father for help. The commune has goes full cult when the helicopter pilot who was supposed to take them home gets shot up. Patrick and the reporter are pretty much taken hostage while the cameraman flees from sight into the jungle.

Father addresses the cult and says if we let the three visitors go then we’re screwed but if we kill them, more will come so we’ll be double screwed. There’s only one thing left to do, drink the kool aid. That’s what the plan is and he’s calling it the Last Sacrament. The juice looks pretty gross but they are still drinking it. Everyone starts moaning and puking their guts out so Father must’ve bought the good stuff at least. Patrick’s sister injects him with the death juice and he does a horrible job acting out his slow death out.

The people who don’t drink kool aid eat bullets instead. Get it? Everyone is dead now except for Father, Patrick’s sister Caroline, a few soldiers with guns and the cameraman (don’t know what happened to reporter). Scratch Caroline off that list because she lights herself on fire and Father shoots himself in the face. One of the guards with a conscience tells the camera guy to get out of there and he does. That is the uneventful ending.

Rating: 4.0 – I felt like something plot wise was missing. It’s like the ending was set up for a twist that never came. Perhaps something supernatural happening? Nope. Instead all I got was basically a discovery channel dramatization on what Jamestown was like on a smaller scale. No one was really that evil or scared or violent. Just 50 or so misguided people taking a permanent nap at a secret location. Where was the horror? Oh and the acting was terrrrrrible.

Favorite Scene: A crazy lady lighting herself on fire is always ok with me.

Memorable Lines: None

What I would’ve done if I were the main character: You know what almost every person who has been in a cult says about how they joined? At first, they didn’t know it was a cult and everything seemed legit. You would have to be next level stupid to believe that here (and I’m not). This is exactly how the conversation would go:

“Hey Candy/Movie guy, how is your life going?”

“It’s not that bad. Behind on the blogs but there’s still time”

“That’s great, just great. Hey do you want to live in this new settlement that we’re building”

“Settlement? What is this the 1600’s? Pass.”

Simple enough right? I can even go further.

“Haha Candy/Movie guy. You’re so funny! No it’s not like that at all. Its just a bunch of people coming together to make something beautiful from scratch”

“Like brownies”

“There you go again. No it’s just a place where people can live the life that they were meant”

“Well where is it?”

“I can’t tell you that”

Could’ve stopped here again. Let’s keep going though.

“That’s weird”

It’s just for our own safety”

“Is this place dangerous?”

“You don’t need to worry about that because we’ve hired some armed locals for protection”

“I don’t know man this sounds like it’s too crazy bananas for me. Are you going to vote for who is in charge?”

“We already have a leader, his name is Father”

“Yeah, I’m not calling him that. What is his real name?”

“No one really knows”

“Uh huh. Well what if I try it and want to leave. Is that cool”

“No it’s most not cool. We can’t have you going out and telling people where we are right? We’ll just hold onto to your passport in the safe to keep it protected”

“Hmm. Well what if I want to earn some extra money there and want to send it back to my family?”

“Money is evil Candy/Movie guy. You work for your food and your lodging alright?”

That’s enough right? I won’t ever believe someone who says when they joined the cult everything seemed legit”

What happens in the sequel: All of the Kool-Aid drinkers really did go to space in spirit form. It’s just dark and boring up there. Kind of like this movie.

Father on a good day

And Father on a bad day

https://www.facebook.com/CandyAndAMovie

ABCs of Death 2 (October Movie 10)

2014-10-23T20:43:00.001-04:00

ABC’s of Death 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2926810/?ref_=nv_sr_1

All right so the first ABC’s was one of the worst things I’ve ever watched. Possibly the only time a movie has made me feel embarrassed for choosing it to watch with my producer (who couldn’t make it halfway). So maybe directors, let’s not so much creative freedom this time. To the letters...

A is for Amateur- an undercover cop tries climbing through air ducts to kill some kind of criminal. He is doing a terrible job and ends up getting stuck. Three weeks later we see a guy cleaning the ducts pull him out. As the dead cop’s gun falls to the ground, it fires catching the criminal in the neck. Mission accomplished I guess. So-so start.

B is for Badger – the host of a British nature show is doing a piece on how some badgers land has been contaminated and overrun by a power plant. He’s a jerk and ends up being killed by said badgers. Nothing special.

C is for Capital Punishment – a town outraged over a missing girl tries and executes the man they believed did it. Better.

D is for Deloused – some creepy stop motion animation. Not into it.

E is for Equilibrium – a woman comes between two men stranded on an island. Turns into a 4-minute beer commercial for men in the end. I’ve seen worse.

F is for Falling – an Israeli soldier’s parachute is caught in a tree when a Palestinian guy finds her. He may or may not fall out of the tree. Not the most to it but not terrible.

G is for Granddad – A grandfather ends up killing his annoying punk grandson. Oh and he has no ding dong. First really bad one.

H is for Head Games – a sketched out depiction of a couple making out and then killing each other. If you’re an artist into this kind of style you probably liked it. I’m not.

I is for Invincible – four adults try to kill their 120-year-old mother to get her inheritance. He has some kind of pearl in her that won’t let her die. In the end it’s spit into the mouth of another and she dies. At least it was short.

J is for Jesus - a guy has his gay son taken and exorcised to get the gay out. The guy being exorcised/tortured sees them as demons. All of a sudden he gets stigmata driving one priest to really turn up the heat on the torture. Then a devil like creature comes out of nowhere and kills one of them, branding another. Not a very Jesus-like move. A little more entertained.

K is for knell - a weird black sphere appears in the sky and people start E.K.E (everybody kill everybody). A lady bleed from her who-ha and it ends. I never heard a bell and don’t get it.

L is for Legacy – African tribe politics go bad. Pretty rough production value here.

M is for Masticate – a guy punches people and eats someone’s ear. 34 minutes before, he did some bath salts. That’s the whole thing. Oh and it was super dragged out in slow motion. Big time pass.

N is for Nexus – a guy riding his bike on Halloween gets hit by a car. The bike flies into the air and hits a kid in the head. They both die and I learned what a nexus is. Word is cooler than the short.

O is for Ochlocracy (Mob Rule) - It’s 2018 and people who have killed zombies are being put on trial for murder after a cure has been found. All the killing happened before the cure (including her daughter) but the zombies are still pissed. Liked everything about this one except the name.

P is for P-P-P-P Scary - three bad acted criminals escape from jail come across a man and start dancing together. They seem happy until one sneezes and things go bad. This was so bad. Belongs in the original. Almost making me angry bad.

Q is for Questionnaire – a guy is getting an intelligence test on the street and killing it. The test ends with him getting a perfect score, being taking to a surgery room, having his brain removed and sticking it in a gorillas. Who saw that coming?

R is for Roulette - two German dudes and a chick are playing Russian roulette. Not bad

S is for Split - a woman is at home during a house invasion while on the phone with her husband. The intruder kills the wife and picks up the phone. Asks the husband to speak with her husband. Solid twist.

T is for Torture Porn- a woman is being humiliated at a porno shoot by the director and crew. She turns into a demon and kills/rapes all of them. We’ve all seen it a thousand times before. Didn’t like.

U is for Utopia - A bunch of decent looking people watch as a robot kills a “sub-norm”. I’m sure the director was making a statement on classicism or societies value on beauty but it was just dumb and simple.

V is for Vacation - A guy goes on a vacation with his bro. While face chatting with his girlfriend, the bro steals the phone and shows the girlfriend a hotel room full of drugs and prostitutes. One skank gets punched so in turn, the other stabs the bro 20 times with a screwdriver and throws the other off a balcony. The end.

W is for Wish - two kids are teleported into the world of their favorite superhero. Instead of it being fun, it’s a horror movie. Lots of murder and torture. One dies and the other is kidnapped. I like the idea but definitely not the execution.

X is for xylophone - a kids xylophone playing is annoying enough for her babysitter to murder, dismember and play her rib cage as an instrument. Horrible short.

Y is for Youth - A Japanese girl is pissed that her stepdad who was watching her dog let him die. So she turns into a dog, has pencil’s thrown at his wrists and kills him by having a guitar come out of his neck. Actually none of that really happened at the end there, it was in her jacked up head. Same story with her mom and a vegetable monster because that’s what she makes the daughter eat. The girl gives them the finger. This one sucked too

Z is for Zygote – a woman is pregnant but it looks like she never gives birth. She kills a cat for food. The baby wants out (to be born) but she won’t let him. The kid then kills her, forces all of her bones and organs out of her mouth, and wears her around like a skin suit so they can be together forever. The dad then comes home to get the body pregnant again. Definitely in the running for worst letter.

Rating: 4.9 – This movie was better but only because it had to be. I thought O was the best and S was a distant second. P,G,X,Z,Y all sucked really badly. P was so bad.

Don’t watch this movie unless you really, really want to.

That’s all

The Quiet Ones (October Movie 9)

2014-10-22T00:38:00.003-04:00

The Quiet Ones

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2235779/trivia?ref_=tt_trv_trv

I kind of like that movie poster. I remember seeing the commercial for this movie during a Bates Motel episode and wanted to see it because the possessed girl plays a character on Bates too. She's not particuarly great or anything, my brain just saw the connection and wanted to see it. The dumb movie marketers know me better than I know myself I suppose. Anyway I think I'm getting in the habit of adding the trailers in these now so here it is followed by the plot review.

A professor at Oxford, a few of his students and a camera guy are observing a possessed girl and doing experiments to "cure" her in 1974. We get a few sights of the loco chick (Jane) before their funding is pulled resulting in them having to move their work to a giant house somewhere in the country. The camera catches a car door opening by itself so the spirit has moved with them.

Experiment one involves the team asking Jane questions while she's hooked up to a machine. No dice. They conduct more experiments with barely anything happens. Two of the students bang which is common in horror movies of course. One night the cameraman (Brian) checks in on Jane and she's cut a symbol into her leg with a bobby pin, which isn’t cool at all. Later the professor starts hooking up the skanky student who seems to be getting with everybody. They aren’t super worried about Jane I guess.

More experiments. Jane burns her hands on a doll in one test and the professor has his hand bit in another. Brian starts looking at the film and thinks it's all bs because spirits aren’t real and stuff. To prove his theory to everyone else, he stabs Jane’s doll, which makes her scream and throw up blood all the way across the house. Coolest thing to happen yet. The professor is trying to prove that Jane is making all of this up in her brain and it's coming to life because of it. Seems plausible. The slutty chick get attacked by the spirit while Jane is asleep which means if Jane’s brain (cool rhyme) is the one doing the attacking, it can now attack in her subconscious.

Later that night Jane goes missing. This is most not good. The group finds her in the creepy pitch-black attic. Jane says she sees the spirit that’s been following her in a crib and finds a charred fetus mark there. I’ve never seen that particular mark before but once you’ve seen it, you know exactly what it is. She reaches in to pick it up and it lights her stomach on fire, leaving a Satanist mark on her skin. Ooooo. The slutty assistant and the first guy she’s banging have had too much and leave. Jane makes a move on Brian but gets turned down because she's a possessed crazy person. Smart move Brian.

Brian goes back to do a little research on the mark that’s now on Jane’s tummy and finds out the ghost is really a girl that died along with 40 Satanists 20 years ago. The professor thinks its irrelevant stupid nonsense and gets pissed at the rest of the team. He turns into the villain and fire Brian right away.

Big ending time. Everyone starts fighting with professor and Jane burns all of their skins with the mark. The skank tries to run away but is sucked up into the second story of the house by the spirit and dies. Best death of the movie and apparently it was supposed to be even better but a lot was cut out of it due to budget/rating reasons. The first guy gets his neck snapped. Jane tells Brian that she is the little girl from the Satanist group (never died like the report said she did) and there's evil inside of her. The professor sneaks behind them and knocks the two out. Professor Butthole comes up with the plan to kill Jane to kill the spirit and then recuscitate her really quickly so she comes back to life sans evil demon. It doesn’t work she's still super possessed. She seems to know this and lights herself on fire. That’s the end for Jane. Later Brian is shown in the police station lighting his hand on fire so I guess he's possessed now. The end.

Rating: 5.9 This was a very average supernatural horror movie. Nothing about it will make you really like it while at the same time you won’t be bored. It’s worth watching once for free somewhere is what I’m getting at. I liked the tone and the feel of this taking place in the 70s. The actress who played Jane did a pretty solid job. It didn’t have much of an ending, which was a bummer.

Favorite Scene: Definitely in the attic. That was the only real scene of suspense where you come close to having that edge of you seat feeling. Nothing super crazy happened but at least it made me felt like something could have. I just want to feel people!

Memorable Quotes: I don’t remember any.

What I would’ve done as the main character: The main character in this is Brian the cameraman. First of all if I hear that someone is possessed in real life, I’m doing the opposite of getting a closer look. Instead I would get a job at the BBC being a blue planet camera guy or something and just read about what happened to the possession teams bodies in the newspaper (they still had those in the 70s).

What happens in the sequel: Well I guess Brian is possessed. Maybe now that will get him to show a little emotion (burn). You know what was big and evil sounding in 1974 England? Black Sabbath. Ozzy bites the head off of the doll that seems to be tied in with the demon and kills the immortal spirit. Very classy, very metal ending.

This is Brian. He's just a normal dude.

And this is Jane, your average girl

There's nothing weird about her

She's just like you and me

Jane puts her pants on one leg at a time

Just boring, old Jane

The Last Exorcism: Part II (October Movie 8)

2014-10-20T21:23:00.001-04:00

The Last Exorcism: Part II

I'm just jumping straight into this review because the movie was lame and let's not waste more time on it than necessary. If you really want to you can watch the trailer, but it blows too.

A guy and his wife wake up one morning. She gets out of bed but he feels something still moving in there, which freaks them both out a little. Turns out its just Nell, the scary possessed girl from the first movie.

Nell sees a psychologist who sends her to a house for troubled women when she says Abalam (bad demon) is still coming. She adjusts to life there and seems to be doing pretty good. Her and a few ladies head down to Mardi Gras where people in masks are watching her. One says, “You've been missed”. Ooooo. She's gets a call a few nights later by a guy who says I want to be inside you. Ooooooo. Later that night she's sees her dad who tells her "he is coming for you" about Abalam again I suppose.

The next day she gets her first kiss from the guy she's kind of been seeing and eavesdrops on people banging at her job cleaning hotel rooms. I’m guessing that’s a pretty normal day for someone working at a hotel. That night her dead dad shows up to kill her and let her be free in his words but one of the other girls there who I thought was a little culty shows up and says "no one can have her but him" and sends him away. When the dude in charge of the place checks on things, everyone is of course gone. My cult radar was turned up to strong. Later she levitates but nothing happens with that either.

Nell heads to a church to do some praying but the pastor is in with the cult and sticking with the "he is coming" thing. I hope he is and it better be hard with all this big talk. A pedestrian recognizes her later on the street and wants to take selfie but it comes out all jacked up. He follows that with a seizure that he possibly deserved because he was kind of a douche.

After that little adventure she is contacted by a voodoo lady who tries to help her. It doesn't go well. Nell stops by her boyfriend’s house who says "he (Abalam) loves you so much and I could never love you like him" and slits his throat. Very emo.

Two guys show up with the voodoo lady and they attempt another exorcism. The dude shows up in the mask again (Abalam I think) during it and it turns out to be her. Lots of screaming and yelling with things moving around in her stomach. There is a lull until something loud starts smacking into the walls and ceiling. Her dad shows up and says the people are injecting her with a lethal dose of morphine. The voodoo lady says its true through tears because the possession is just too strong. Abalam shows up and says take my hand and you'll be free. Nell does.

The exorcists die and the house starts bleeding. She shows back up to the women’s house and goes full demon, killing the nice guy in charge and other girls. She gets in car and drives away setting things on fire as she goes and bringing the end of times with her.

Rating: 4.0 – This was a major stinker. I don’t remember much about the first other than thinking it was an ok movie with a solid ending. Part two was a lame movie with a beyond awful ending. It seems they went down two different paths. Everything sucks about this movie beginning with the story. There is really nothing too it. A girl keeps seeing hints that she’s possessed and then she is. That’s it. I’m spoiling it so you don’t see it.

Favorite Scene: You would think I’d like it when a house start bleeding but even that blew.

Favorite Lines: nope

What I would’ve done if I were the main character: Get an old priest and a young priest.

What happens in the sequel: The exorcism scene, which should be the most important one in the movie, lasts longer than five minutes. More people die. Fake fire looks better. But most importantly, a good director who can make a good movie possesses the director of part II. It’s what’s best for everyone.

(It's Just Ebola Joke)

This church has some weird stained glass windows

That's right. Just give her some coffee to calm Nell Down


This is my one move (didn't have it in the budget to get wires for her feet).

Only 12 behind yikes!

Afflicted (October Movie 7)

2014-10-20T20:20:00.002-04:00

Afflicted

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2309961/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Hello people. It’s the 20^th now and this is only post #7. I’m a ways behind but don’t fret. I’ve seen 19 movies so far which means I’m pretty on track and I have their summaries typed out, just need to add the ratings and get them posted. Expect to see a lot in a short amount of time. Also now that my October status has been covered, Candy and a Movie went over 75k views this week. I’m not sure if that is a big accomplishment or not but it sure seems like a lot so I’m celebrating.

Let’s get to this movie you’ve probably never heard of. I hadn’t either but after seeing this scene in the trailer, I added it to the watch list. Start at 0:35.

Pretty cool right? To the movie!

Two friends, Derek and Cliff are going on a trip around the world together for a year. Derek has some kind of brain aneurism thing, which is one of the main reasons why they are taking the trip. Their first stop is Barcelona and by day 7 they are in Paris where they are trying to find a lady for Derek. Later that night, Cliff finds him back in their hotel room unconscious with his head bloodied and arm cut. The chick Derek brought home clothes are still there but she is nowhere to be seen. No one has any idea what happened.

They hit Italy next and Derek isn't looking or feeling good. Day 10 now and they're still in Italy. The two friends go to a restaurant and Derek pukes all over the place. I’m talking about a family of four’s worth of puke. They go out to visit a vineyard the next afternoon and Derek's skin starts boiling in the light. Cliff and Derek have a mini fight that night which results in Derek punching through the concrete wall. Astonished, they go outside to do some testing and Derek can punch through boulders and lift buses. The next night he runs 40 mph. He's turning into a superhero. That's all cool. His eyes fall out and are replaced by new ones. Not so cool.

Derek is super hungry but can't seem to keep any food down. He can jump 20 feet in the air at least. They head to the hospital but get in a fight on the way. Near the end of the scuffle, Derek licks some guys blood off his hand. Skin burning in the sun was the first sign of being a vampire but it looks like he could be a full-blown vamp.

Night 14 and they film him drinking blood. More puking. Cow and pigs are blood not working so Derek decides that they need human blood. After robbing a blood bank doesn't doesn’t pan out, they hijack an ambulance which again is a failure. Later that night Derek is looking terrible and has a seizure.

Night 17 and Derek is fully undergoing his transformation. Cliff cuts his arm to get some blood out but Derek has vanished by the time he's done. Derek is eventually found when he swoops down from the ceiling to kill and eat Cliff. The next scene shows Derek saying sorry before shooting his brains out with a shotgun. You would think not having a brain would kill an animal but he get up seconds later.

The blood seems to have helped Derek turn more human because he can speak again. His plan is to go back to Paris and find the chick that turned him vamp. Day 22 and Cliff is still very dead. He was turning into a whiny character so I'm not that bummed to see him go. Interpol shows up at Derek’s place and he jumps out of his 4th floor window and we see it through a point of you camera. Coolest thing to happen yet. There's a cool chase with the same view too.

Derek makes his way back to Paris by night 25 and is still looking for the vampire chick. His brother shows up with the police and there is another point of view chase with him jumping building to building this time. He tracks down an associate of hers when suddenly a French swat team busts in to kill him. Derek goes full vampire and kills the whole team, again in point of view form.

Finally on night 28, Derek and the vampire lady get together and fight. He asks her to kill him and she drives a two by four into his chest only to pull it out momentarily after. She says there's no cure or ending it (aka no dying) and they're both cursed. The broad says she changed him because he was dying (the aneurism) and it was the kind thing to do. Night 37. Derek makes a farewell video to his family and then kills a pedophile. If he has to kill someone, it'll be someone who deserves it. End.

Rating: 6.4 - Nothing about this movie blew me away but it was fun enough to watch. The camera work in the chase and fighting scenes were pretty cool. The acting not so much but this is an indie movie so that can be expected. Worth watching if it’s free.

Favorite Scene: The video above.

Memorable Lines: 0

What I would do if I were the main character: I’m having a moral dilemma on this one. The first thing that comes to mind is the “Oh I’ll just be a nice vampire and help people” approach. Sure that all sounds nice but the more I think about it, the more I think I’m going to live it up. I’m already damned right? Also sleeping all day would not be a problem for me at all.

What happens in the sequel: What I wish happened in this one. These people aren’t vampires at all but have brain abnormalities that changed their body chemistry. That sounded way less nerdy in my head but believe me, it would be more original than this.

Met this nice french girl, things are looking up!

It's possible she was infected Derek. Vampirism is the worst std.

Not a high enough spf in the world for this guy.

VHS Viral (October Movie 6)

2014-10-12T19:26:00.001-04:00

VHS-Viral

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3704538/?ref_=nv_sr_1

This movie was a mess.

A guy films his girlfriend around the house a few times. Next, there is a car chase through their neighborhood that he wants to film. The girlfriend randomly walks out into the road as the car (which is an ice cream truck) drives and hits a cop leaving nothing behind but his arm. She vanishes. His phone counts down to her calling him and then shows her screaming face.

Jump to a woman being interviewed about a magician named Dante the Great. A news piece tells a little about him. Supposedly he owns a cape that Houdini had and threw away because it scared him. It seems to be really magical. One day the cape stops working and he starts losing it. He hands his girlfriend the cape as a towel in the shower and is randomly murdered. Another girl has the cape put on top of her in her sleep and it throws her all around.

Back to the chick being interviewed. She was his assistant. She found a video of him killing her ex boyfriend and a few other chicks. Swat team busts in during an interview and arrests him. He vanishes from the car and the driver is handcuffed to the strafing wheel. Chick says he can do real magic and he suddenly teleport her there and starts killing cops by throwing fireballs and ripping their skin off. One gets thrown on a bed of bails. Stuff like that. All the cops are killed. The assistant grabs the cape and they have a magic fight that involves more teleporting and walking on walls. It ends by her having him dragged under the cape and eaten by some unseen monster.

Sometime later she burns the cape but later that night her closet opens by itself and two hands grab her from the cape, which is hanging on the door.

Back to the first clip with the ice cream truck being chased and the girl missing. The boyfriend is in pursuit on his bike. Some bikers get hit this time, including the main guy who is being dragged.

Time for segment 3. A Spanish guy makes a portal to another galaxy or something that another version of him lives in. Is one evil or something? They check their watches and one is 15 minutes ahead of the other. There's one difference. They swap worlds and decide to meet back in 15 minutes.

One of the pictures on the wall is a pentagram or something and he says that's not in his world. I'm slightly confused on who's who but one world has a wife listening to porn noises around candles with two half naked guys and constellations on the ceiling and the other wife's is sleeping.

A giant blimp with an upside cross flies by in Satan universe. Everyone from that universe’s eyes and mouth start glowing, including the guy who's traveled to the other universe. Also they all have giant dong monsters with mouths and fangs. The chick is revealed to have a monster vajayjay and is punched in the face. Both guys make it back to their own world but are worlds but are killed by their wives who think they are monsters.

Back to original segment. A bunch of cholos are hanging out when ones dog gets stabbed. The ice cream truck drives by and he kills the rest of them.

Final segment. A couple of skaters shred and then head to Mexico. They see a zombie looking chick and the text "the beloved blood aflame our creature will be unleashed" pops up. Into it. They skate a little more and find a pentagram painted on the ground. One of them scrapes their elbow and bleeds on it. Uh oh. Zombie witch shows up out of nowhere and rips a guys arm off in the middle of the pentagram. Monk looking chanting dudes with skeletons on their faces start showing up all over the place. One says, "You will unearth our darling creature". One skater pulls out a handgun and starts shooting monks. A skater is lit on fire and another is stabbed with a sword.

I think there are two skaters left and they manage to put up a pretty good fight. They seem to kill off all but one when there is a scary monster like sound, which scares all of the monks away.

They continue to fight what looks like just skeletons now. A monster like something eats a camera from one of the dead skaters. The end.

Back to the original segment again. Guy is still chasing after his girlfriend. A random creepy guy is talking a girl into stripping in a cab. She pulls out a gun and makes him strip. I guess he bought a video of her naked and wants revenge for putting it on the Internet. He turns things around and chokes her only to have the cab wrecked by the ice cream truck in the chase. He finds the truck at in the morning and his girlfriend is on TV telling him to upload the videos, which he does. We then see her dead outside of the truck with her phone in her mouth (an iPhone, impressive). He looks into the phone, gets a nosebleed and dies. That’s really how it ends.

Rating: 3.0 Officially was a waste of time. The only part that looked liked it could’ve been cool ended with monster genitalia. All that needs to be said. I expected better from Vigalondo.

Favorite Scene: Very beginning of the multiverse segment. Got me all excited.

Memorable Lines: No way

What I would’ve done as the main character: Not gone viral. Such a lame concept.

What happens in the sequel: DVD 1. This movie was bad enough that the series needs to be retooled. That means bumping it up to DVD. Directors are hired to make good movies and not just quick garbage. 6 stars

For my next trick, I'll do something with my forehead

This is me in Mexico without spf 70

Eh, lets just text.

On to better movies.

Willow Creek (October Movie 5)

2014-10-11T00:24:00.004-04:00

Willow Creek

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2885364/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

A couple, Jim and Kelly, are making a document about looking for Bigfoot. Most of the first 10 minutes is spent listening to them just chat but it isn’t boring. They're actually a little funny. His mic looks like it's from the 70s, so big. They interview a few people and we get some background to the first so-called Bigfoot sighting. One of them sings an annoying Bigfoot song.

The first cool interview was about Bigfoot eating a park ranger’s dog. Got ripped in half. Poor dog. On their travels to where Bigfoot was "spotted", a hillbilly tells them to turn the f around in a terribly acted way. They get as far as they can into the woods and have to hike on foot the rest of the way. They find a bunch of possible Bigfoot poop along the way and make camp for the night. He jumps but naked into the creek. Dong sighting. When they get back to camp from the creek his sock is in a tree and them tent has been rummaged through/knocked down.

First night and she hears something. It's just a raccoon. Then he proposes to her and she says nope it's too soon. Awkward. They decide to move in first. I blame him. I guess they are still in the mood because it looks like they are on their way to the bone zone when a knocking sound from the woods interrupts them. Then a whooping. Then a pop and another. This scene is taking forever. Then some animal making a siren like sound. Now it sounds like a woman is crying. Finally there are footsteps right outside the tent. The chick is freaking out because there is definitely some kind animal out there and they have 0 weapons for protection.

Bang something hits the tent. Growling is next. The guy is reacting 0%. Maybe he wants to die after the proposal? Skip to a little while later in the night so I guess nothing happened.

Next morning they are leaving and he finds some bloody fur on a log, which is collected. Another siren growl in the morning followed by popping which is cool. Girl finally loses when they do the "that's the same tree we passed 3 hours ago" thing like in Blair witch. Siren growl is going on this whole time. It's starting to get dark when they find some big foot tracks in the dark. Then they hear a big animal and take off running.

Spoilers*

Night 2. No tent up tonight because they’re on the move. They are very lost although don’t seem to be using a compass at all. They should at least have the compass app because it’s impossible to delete. Anyway, they hear animal noises, start panicking and are attacked. Jim gets devoured somewhere off screen and we see a larger sized lady in her underpants. The end. Sound a little weird? I agree, this ending required me having to look up what I missed. One of the interviews’s had a person talking about the “bride of Bigfoot”. Earlier there was a poster about a missing woman. The underpants lady was that woman and Kelly, who just turned down Jim for marriage, is going to be the new bride of Bigfoot. I dig it.

Rating: My intern and I watched this together and played a drinking game. The game was to take a drink each time someone said Bigfoot (or sasquatch). It was said 48 times and we went through a lot of whiskey. Did that make the movie better? Perhaps, but it still this was a good watch. The actors are amateurs and there is probably nothing that you really haven’t seen before. Just play the Bigfoot game.

Favorite Scene: Now that I know what went on, the ending.

Memorable Lines: Can’t think of any.

What I would’ve done as the main character: Be prepared. I’m pretty anti-gun but if I’m camping in a forest full of bears and Bigfoots, I’m going to have something to defend myself. Also a compass, to find my way out of course. Why do I even have to say this Jim?

What happens in the sequel: Kelly and Bigfoot move to Portland. Bigfoot shaves everything except for a curly mustache.

Kelly is driving. Bold move.

This looks like a good spot to do nothing

Here's little foot, amiright?

Pre-squatch

Post-Squatch

If you have to pick a creek to watch, go with this one over the wolves. At least 2 more posts coming tomorrow.

Wolf Creek 2 (October Movie 4)

2014-10-10T21:57:00.001-04:00

Wolf Creek 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2004432/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Two crooked cops pull over the redneck from the first movie and give him a hard time. Somehow they are so dirty that they make the serial killer seem like a victim. Doesn’t last long though because when they drive away, the redneck shoots one of their heads half and breaks the others leg. He then does his paralyzing back stab thing, pours gasoline on him and lights the guy up. There’s our intro.

A couple of Germans are hitchhiking their way to Wolf Creek and are picked up by the redneck. That’s what they get for hitchhiking in 2014. They survive this time and continue to hitchhike, eventually getting pissed and yelling at a car that doesn’t pick them up. How about you grow up and rent a car like an adult Germans? I already don’t care about them at all.

The redneck shows up at their camp that night, cuts the guys head off and puts the woman in a sleeper hold to make the kidnapping easier I guess. Ron Burgundy would say that escalated quickly. She wakes up to the redneck dicing up her boyfriend, including showing him cutting off his ding dong. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first detached dong in the history of this blog (Piranha 3D).

Next we are introduced to a guy just driving down the road. He gets a phone call from someone listed as “My Angel” in his phone so I already don’t respect him. The German girl has woken up and the two of them cross paths. She jumps in his car and there is a chase with the redneck which ends with her getting shot in the head and the new guy getting away. For some reason, instead of driving the girl to the police station or something, he dumps her body out in the desert and drives away.

Yet another chase between the new guy and the redneck occurs, this time involving kangaroos that are run over (stupid). New guy loses but gets away on foot into the desert with only a little bottle of water that quickly gets consumed. He stumbles to the house of a nice elderly couple who are gunned down by the redneck resulting in another chase with this one being on foot.

He gets caught and brought back to the rednecks place where they talk and torture. After getting his fingers sawed, the new guy walks around a catacombs to try and get away but doesn’t. The end. Not a whole lot to this one.

Rating: 4.8/10 This isn’t a good movie. The script is worse and the original didn’t have that really going for it in the first place. The gore is upped but it’s really forced. The acting is so-so across the board. I found myself bored a few times. Just a bad movie.

Favorite Scene: When the guy first got to the old peoples house there was a real horror feel. You didn’t know the situation or where it was going. Pretty poorly executed in the end.

Memorable Lines: Not even looking them up.

What I would do if I was the main character: Again, not go to Australia.

What happens in the sequel: Well if there is one, I won’t be seeing it. If I was coming up with the plot, lets say two French tourists visit Australia, have a great time and then go home without being murdered. 5 stars.

Hitchhiking in the desert where a bunch of lonely, crazy Aussies live? Thumbs down.

Guy hates righties

This pleases me

Australian drinking games.

No more wolves.

Wolf Creek (October Movie 3)

2014-10-05T21:56:00.001-04:00

Wolf Creek

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416315/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Opens saying 30,000 people are reported missing every year in Australia. 90% of those are found with in a month. I’m guessing this falls within 10%. Two British chicks and an Aussie dude head out on a road trip across the bush. They stop for gas in the middle of nowhere and get harassed by some Australian rednecks that intimidated me through the television so I would’ve hated to be them.

The three make it to Wolf Creek, which is a giant meteorite site. After hiking all day, they return to their car, which won’t start. A nice guy drives by that night and offers to give them a tow into town. He’s full like Crocodile Dundee Australian. He takes them back to their place and the four of them have a nice chat around a fire.

Things are going pretty well until the Ben (the road tripper) makes a Crocodile Dundee joke, which the redneck doesn’t seem to take well. I thought it passed over but the next morning, one of the chicks wakes up with her arms and legs bound. We’re 54 minutes in where things take a turn for the worst by the way. She cuts through the zip tie eventually but there’s still no sign of the other two or the redneck. It’s possible that all three of them just don’t like her and are hanging out inside watching TV.

After a little investigating, the girl finds this isn’t the case when the redneck is shown torturing her friend (making her watch TBS comedies?). I should probably name the girls too. Kristy is being tortured and Liz is the one who just broke free. Liz makes a diversion and manages to shoot the redneck in the side of the head (just a knick). The two girls steal his truck and drive it off a cliff to create the illusion that they died in the crash I guess. They double back to his place to look for another truck because they are stuck in the friggin bush.

They get back to his place where Kristy hides and Liz grabs a gun. The gun is of course dropped down a mine, which happens to be full of dead bodies. Liz makes an unreal amount of noise while looking around this place. A totally inexcusable, torture worthy amount of noise. Liz finds a bunch of dead peoples things, which show us that picking up people, and killing them is pretty much the redneck’s job. Instead of getting the hell out of there, Liz spends a lot of time looking through the dead people’s things. JUST GO!!! Nope, now she is watching home movies on people’s video cameras.

Liz finally gets in a car but for some reason he is waiting for her in it and stabs her. There are like 10 cars there and he’s in the one that she picked? That was definitely a stretch. He drags Liz out and stabs her in the back, paralyzing her. Brutal. Can’t feel the pain now at least.

Kristy wakes up from her nap and makes a run for it. The sun comes up and she wanders out to the main road. Some nice man pulls over in his car but get’s shot from a long distance through the eye! Kristy grabs the keys but is chased down by the red neck. He blows a tire, pulls over, grabs his rifle and shoots out her tire. She slowly gets out of the car only to get shot twice and finally die.

Ben wakes up and sees that he has been crucified. Nails through the wrists and everything. He slides off the nails and makes his way out of the mini-mine. He waddles off into the bush during a random solar eclipse and passes out. Some German people or something pick him up and bring him to a hospital where he is flown out to safety.

Rating: 6.0 Another Australian horror movie that left me underwhelmed. The first hour is extremely slow and boring. The last 45 minutes is covered in plot holes. The guy playing the bad guy did a good job acting and that’s about all I can say positively. Ebert gave this movie a 0 and said it was worse than showgirls. Torture just for torture/ too gory and other stuff like that. I thought it really wasn’t that gory at all compared to other movies now. Over-reaction.

Favorite Scene: The campfire scene. Man the redneck was creepy.

Memorable Lines: “She was good for months... until she lost her head!”

What I would do if I were the main character: Not go to Australia. It’s the Florida of continents (bad thing).

What happens in the sequel: I’ll tell you in the next post.

The Road Redneck

Guys this isn't chill!

Crawlabout

Mate Mate Mate

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (October Movie 2)

2014-10-05T21:18:00.001-04:00

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049366/

A doctor tells a story of how something evil is going on. His story starts the previous Thursday. He returns from a convention and finds things are amiss. Lots of people have been sick and some think their family members are imposters. One of the towns people calls him over to his house to show him an almost body. I say almost because it’s organs and everything is in order but the face doesn’t seem fully developed. Later that night the man cuts his hand and the laceration appears on the random body too. It has fully formed into that townsperson. Dun Dun Duh.

Same story with his girlfriend and a random forming body. He grabs her and brings her to a safer house but when he returns with the police and a psychologist for the evidence the bodies have vanished. Of course no one believes the doc who saw peoples doubles.

At a barbeque the next day, the doc and his friends find a couple of giant seedpods where the bodies are coming from. It’s time for action! The doc tries to get in touch with the FBI and his friends leave to get help. The FBI can’t be reached so Doc and his girlfriend leave to get help themselves but the whole town has already been changed into imposters. Now they are the ones on the run.

Spoiler Section*

They make it through the night and see the pod people organizing to take over the surrounding town. They get busted and told when they fall asleep their minds and bodies will be taken over. They make a pretty decent escape and get away into an old mine. The trouble now is staying awake. After a mighty struggle, the girlfriend falls asleep and is turned. The doc runs and makes it to the next town only to be thought of as a crazy person.

That brings us back to the present and he has finished telling his story to the police. There is another sighting of the seedpods and the police finally believe and start to take action. The end.

Over*

Rating: 7.8 This is one of the best horror/sci-fi movies that I’ve seen from the 50’s. Most have campy acting or awful special effects but Invasion of the Body Snatchers really held up. The director wanted to have a darker ending, which I would’ve been in favor of, but this one was still good.

Favorite Scene: I can think of a few but the two main characters looking at the town from the doctor’s office near the end was probably the coolest.

Memorable Lines: “I don't want to live in a world without love or grief or beauty, I'd rather die.”

What would I do if I was the main character: I would like to say that I would rally the resistance and defeat the alien menace but there’s just no way. I love sleep and need a lot of it. If I had my way, I would probably sleep 13 hours a day. I’m not staying awake long enough to no change.

What happens in the sequel: 98% of the world has been body snatched. Mulder saves the remaining humans. Scully still doesn’t believe.

Turning into an alien is great for your pores

Uh... Do any of you see this thing or is it just me?

Oh he's good!

First in line for the iPhone1!

Fall asleep whenever you can!

Don't Look Now (October Movie 1)

2014-10-02T19:52:00.002-04:00

Don’t Look Now (1973)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069995/?ref_=nv_sr_1

A girl plays with a ball down by a lake. This is a horror movie so it means that she drowns. Blood smear on a projector slide translates into her father (Donald Sutherland) pulling her out of the pond in her red jacket. Very cool visual and about the third one like this already five minutes in.

Some time later the mother and father are at lunch in Italy and a blind woman says she is a psychic and can see their daughter. She is happy according to the woman. That’s something I guess. She faints and then later tells about the psychic to her skeptic husband at the hospital.

Donald does something in church restoration and after visiting the place he is working on and meeting with the bishop they head back to their place. The wife opens up her suitcase and we see the little dead girl’s ball is in there. After a very naked bath, they get to doing it. A lot of flesh on the screen in fact too much is all I’m saying. It’s too long too, wrap it up already Donald.

In what seems like 7 hours later, they go out for the night and turn down a random alley where what looks like the daughter in her coat runs by. Nothing happens with it. The wife meets up with the psychic woman again and that night they to women try to contact the dead girl. Psychic yells and pants a lot without any progress. That’s the end of that.

She goes home and tells Donald that she thinks the girl is telling them to leave Italy. Don says that’s weird because she’s dead and those kind of people usually don’t have a lot to say in a not nice tone. The wife leaves the next day to check on their son and Don almost dies falling off a scaffolding at work. While walking home he sees the police pulling out a woman who drowned in the street. People only drown there in Venice.

Spoilers*

Don is coming home one day and see’s the wife and psychic randomly on a boat. He looks everywhere and can’t find them. Eventually he walks through some alleys and is followed by some guy. The wife bumps into the psychic and says she better find Don because the dead girl is coming for him. Finally some horror. Don sees a little shape in a red coat and thinks it’s the girl. He chases her through town into the church. He catches up to her crying in the attic except it isn’t his daughter. Instead a dwarf lady turns around and stabs him in the neck. Well more like barely chops him but he’s still bleeding all over the place.

Directly following that scene is his funeral. Before his death he has a few flashbacks. When he saw his wife after work it was really a vision of now and he has been getting pictures of his own death for a while now. The psychic said he also had the sight and was right about him being in danger after all.

Rating: 7.4 Milk Duds. The movie looks really great visually. There are lots of cool shots like the blood stains transitioning into other things and smartly place mirrors. That was what I took away most from the movie. The middle of the movie storywise got slow but the revelation at the end makes this a solid watch and a good start to the month.

Favorite Scene: Let’s say the whole first six minutes. Just really well done.

Memorable Lines: None from this one.

What I would’ve done if I was the main character: I would start off by getting a new hair cut. Next I would listen to the blind psychic woman because she obviously can see into the future. Also wouldn’t name my kid Kiefer.

What Happens in the Sequel: Don’t Look Now: No Peeking takes place in Philadelphia with the Sixth Sense kid. You can’t see dead people if you don’t look right? There's no five minute sex scene.

For some reason I'm craving milk

Had to make that same dumb face in every mirror huh?

How amazing does this look?

Good luck on eharmony

The German title for this movie is When Gondolas Wear Grief. Way cooler.

October is Coming

2014-09-30T21:26:00.005-04:00

And then winter.

Hello reader(s). Its almost time for just about the only month that I make posts anymore to begin. Movie watching this summer was possibly at an all time low. The World Cup dominated my afternoons and I got super into The X-Files at night. Sprinkle in a few video games and boom, we have a hiatus.

On the other hand, I have been going hard watching movies for the past month or so there are a few things to discuss at least. I’ve pretty much only watched movies released in the last two years. There is no real reason for this but you could say I’m pretty current. Here is a quick break down of the movies I’ve seen recently (you’ll notice a lack of horror because I’ve been saving up for October). I made a list of all of them which you can see here http://www.imdb.com/list/ls075412166/ . On to the reviews

Movies to Watch and Then Re-Watch

The Raid 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2265171/

It has been a little while since I watched this but I’m adding it to the blog because it’s the best movie of the last two years. Sure there are movies with better acting or plot but nothing gave me a viewing experience like The Raid 2. The first movie was great for strictly action but the sequel added more of a storyline to the movie. I can’t wait for the next one, especially if Tony Jaa is going to be in it.

Into it start to finish

Blue Ruin

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2359024/

Blue Ruin was one of the best indie revenge movies that I can remember. It looks beautiful and the main actor does a good job leading it. There are some really tense moments and we get to see what Buzz from Home Alone looks like now.

Ida

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2718492/

Ida was Poland entrant to the Oscars and just missed making the final nominations. It’s shot in black and white and is again, very nice looking. Certainly not a happy movie with a happy ending, Ida is a well told and acted story.

Snowpiercer

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1706620/

Snowpiercer is an action movie that takes place on a train with some amazing looking sets. The ending is so-so but this was a highly entertaining movie.

Calvary

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2234003/

I got hooked on this from the very first scene. It’s a dark movie and yet feels very lighthearted at the same time. Mad Eye Moody is a really good actor.

Stoker

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1682180/

Stoker is the first American movie by the South Korean director who made the Oldboy and other vengeance movies. The script isn’t as good as any of those but it’s well acted and wonderfully scored.

Worth the Watch

The Grand Budapest Hotel

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2278388/

Another Wes Anderson movie. Loved the sets in this one. Fiennes was great but I needed more plot. Some large actor’s characters didn’t really add to the movie and felt like they were written in just to have them in the movie. Middle of the pack Anderson movie for me but still good.

Only Lovers Left Alive

www.imdb.com/title/tt1714915/

9/10 times I would never watch this movie because of the title alone. I mean, come on. But I liked the director and gave it a watch anyway. Like his other movies, not a lot of things happen and when they do it takes a while for it to happen but the cinematography and music is top notch. Tilda and Loki were great and drove the movie.

The Last Stand

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1549920/

The first hour of the movie was very meh and I was ready to put this lower. Then the final shootout began and totally redeemed the whole movie. One of the best shootout’s made recently and worth watching the movie 100%. Will probably be watching this one again just for that.

22 Jump Street

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2294449/

Literally the same movie but I’m ok with that because I loved the first. I’ve seen a few people say they liked 22 more but it had a few less laughs for me. Ending chase was the best/funniest part.

Decent enough movies (they were good but you don’t need to kill yourself to watch)

Joe

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2382396/

Watched this for Nick Cage and he does a good job acting here. This isn’t The Wickerman Cage. Pretty good indie drama here.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0359950/

Best part of this movie is the locations. It made me really want to visit Iceland. Didn't care for the daydream sequences.

Maleficent

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1587310/

I thought this movie was going to suck but I enjoyed it. Angelina was great, Copley not so much. Could of used some more songs (can’t believe I said that but Sleeping Beauty was a favorite).

Bad Words

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2170299/

I generally don’t like Bateman but this movie was really funny. Another one that I thought I wasn’t going to like but ended up enjoying.

Enemy

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2316411/

I could rant on and on about this one. Really, really cool premise. Built up well and there were at least 10 different twists that could’ve ended the movie really well. Unfortunately it ended with the most obvious one in my mind and a fairly unoriginal one at that. Producer and I were very disappointed. A lot of film people say the ending was great but I just can’t see it that way.

We’re the Millers

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1723121/

Similar amount of laughs as Bad Words. Pretty good and fun comedy.

Jodorowsky’ Dune

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1935156/

Documentary about what could’ve been a groundbreaking movie but was never made. How about you just make it now?

Godzilla

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0831387/

Needed more Cranston and Watanabe, less Kick-Ass. Had high hopes and ended up being just so-so.

Divergent

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1840309/

The cool and hip parkour teens made me cringe a little in the beginning but I ended up liking this better than Hunger Games.

Filth

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1450321/

Movie is just James McAvoy being a dirty cop. He does a good job, especially when he goes crazy. Worth the one-time watch for me but only watch if you’ll think you will like it.

I Know That Voice

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2113683/

Documentary where voice actors finally get some camera time. Pretty cool seeing how things are made behind the scenes.

Neighbors

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2004420/

Pretty funny but not the same amount of laughs as the previous two comedies in here.

Watch at your own Discretion

The Rover

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2345737/

The tone and cinematography were great but I just had a hard time getting into it because both of the main characters weren’t very likable. Still like Guy Pierce.

Draft Day

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2223990/

An of course unrealistic depiction of a general manager’s coming and goings on the day of the NFL draft as well as an unwanted romance storyline. I’m a guy who has been a part of a virtual gm game that takes months online so I did like the behind the scene’s parts of the movie. Still hate Kevin Costner.

The Amazing Spiderman 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1872181/

Spiderman will always be my favorite superhero but this wasn’t my favorite movie of his. Like the first, Garfield and Stone were really good but the story line was so-so. Not feeling the villains in this one either. Preferred the first movie. That’s all.

The Zero Theorem

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2333804/

The setting looked like The 5^th Element mixed with 12 Monkeys, which I liked. Waltz was good like always but the story just isn’t there.

Didn’t Like It

Thor: The Dark World

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1981115/

Better than the first but that still makes it the second worst Marvel movie.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2109248/

You know how I feel about Mark. He makes anything watchable. Movie was waaaaay to long and had terrible dialogue. Tucci losing it in the elevator gave me douche chills.

Transcendence

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2209764/

The actors are all very good and the premise is interesting enough so you have to wonder where it all went wrong. Some of it was the script and some of it was the directing. So like 2/3 of what mainly make up a movie were what went wrong.

Million Dollar Arm

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1647668/

Very boring and I love baseball. Didn’t like Hamm in this but that might have just been because his character was a d-bag.

The Monuments Men

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2177771/

Perhaps the least dramatic drama I have ever seen.

Locke

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2692904/

Even if you are a Tom Hardy superfan like me, you can’t defend this movie. I was alright with the storyline of Hardy just talking on the phone in his car the whole time as long as it turned into something meaningful. He was just chatting.

Nymphomaniac Vol 2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2382009/

No I am not confessing that I watched a nudie movie to you. Another one of the things that I have this summer is enroll in an Online Scandinavian film class at the University of Copenhagen (for free of course). Super legit right? The director the professor was the biggest current fan of was Lars von Trier who made the Nympho movies. I saw another one of his, Antichrist, and didn’t like it at all. Looked nice but the rest was bleh. Same story here with Nymphomaniac. Definitely preferred 2 to 1.

Game of Assassins

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1067773/

Ok so this was a bad movie but I didn’t hate it. That is simply because I like movies where they show people in hell. Does that make me weird?

Need for Speed

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2369135/

You don’t need me to tell you this was bad.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1205537/

Very basic spy movie. There are countless better so I would say watch one of those. Kevin Costner.

Child of God

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1951095/

My first James Franco directed movie and maybe the last. I just got bored. The main actor did a pretty powerful job and the cinematography was good but that was it. Pass on this.

Really bad Movies

Sabotage

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1742334/

If you want to watch a recent Arnold movie, definitely pick The Last Stand instead. The dialogue and just the way characters were written to act was very frustrating. Action sequences weren’t all that amazing which makes it even worse.

Space Station 76

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2369317/

I feel like this was made just show they could show people in space wearing clothes from the 70s. Big time zzzzzzz. Nothing memorable happens ever.

300:Rise of an Empire

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1253863/

I knew this was going to be bad but it exceeded my expectations. Go outside and watch cars drive instead. Or weed your front garden. Anything but watching this.

Nymphomaniac: Vol 1

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1937390/

See Vol 2 but with less plot and more D and B (dick and balls). Not for me.

All Time Bad

Identity Thief

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2024432/

I’m pretty good at finishing movies. The times I have stopped watching one can probably be counted on one hand. I made it maybe 30 minutes into this. Not a single laugh and none in sight. Characters were acting frustratingly stupid. Melissa McCartney does nothing for me. You hear that Melissa? Nothing!

Wowza that took a long time. Mostly because it was long but also I can’t stop playing this http://www.clickerheroes.com/. Goodbye random 5 hours of your life.

-Onto the horror!

Oscar Picks

2014-03-02T20:16:00.001-05:00

If you read enough of my posts then you'll know how good I am at procrastinating. I could win the award for best lead procrastinator every year if there was such a thing. Instead I'll just write down my picks along with maybe a sentence or two. They'll be two rankings for each category. The first is ranking of my favorite performances for each beacuse after all, this whole thing is about me. The second is my prediction of who will win. Pretty simple right? Quickfire ranking time.

Best Picture

My favorites in order:
1. Her
2. Gravity
3. The Wolf of Wall Street
4. 12 Years a Slave
5. Dallas Buyers Club
6. Nebraska
7. Philomena
8. American Hustle
9. Captain Phillips

The good news for me this year was no musical to sit through out of the best pictures so I went into each movie giving it a chance. After seeing all of them, Captain Phillips was the only one that I really wouldn't want to see again. Now I have the same problem that I always have when rating things and that's deciding if how good something is compared to how good it is. There were many things visually and soundwise that are better in Gravity compared to Her but look which one is up there with the top spot.

Best Picture Picks
1. 12 Years a Slave
2. Gravity
3. The Wolf of Wall Street
4. American Hustle
5. Dallas Buyers Club
6. Her
7. Nebraska
8. Captain Phillips
9. Philomena

That's how I see it playing out. I'll be rooting hard for Her but final pick is 12 Years.

Changing things up. 2 rankings is stupid but I'm not going back to change the first paragraph. Oh well.

Leading Actor
This is a tricky one because I could see either one of two people winning it. Leo was great, especially while giving speeches or being high but McConnaughey was the only guy I saw disappear this year. What does that mean? Last year for Lincoln I thought D.D.L disappeared and I only saw some guy playing Lincoln. Same for McConnaughey and the Aids patient this year. Bale and the 12 Years guy were both good but I would say not close to the other two. Bruce Dern was also good but I didn't even think he had a leading part. Would've rather have seen Joaquin over him. Anyway favorite and how I think they'll come out is the same this time.

1. Matthew McConnaughey - Dallas Buyers Club
2. Leonardo DiCaprio - The Wolf of Wall Street
3. Chiwetel Ejiofor - 12 Years a Slave
4. Christian Bale - American Hustle
5. Bruce Dern - Nebraska

Leading Actress

Not so tricky. Blanchet played a character who is having a serious breakdown and did a really good job. I spent most of the movie not liking her but only because her character was so annoying. Same thing for Meryl Streep except she was just a bitter old B'. Judi Dench was very likeable and Sandra Bullock did a good job at almost dying. Amy Adams was just normal Amy Adams and would've rather seen Emma Thompson from Saving Mr. Banks here.

1. Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine
2. Meryl Streep - August: Osage County
3. Judi Dench - Philomena
4. Sandra Bullock - Gravity
5. Amy Adams - American Hustle.

Supporting Actor
Time is even shorter and I'm very sure about this one. Again with the disappearing.

1. Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club
2. Michael Fassbender - 12 Years a Slave
3. Jonah Hill - The Wolf of Wall Street
4. Bradley Cooper - American Hustle
5. Barkhad Abdi - Captain Phillips

Supporting Actress
This one comes down to two people and I'm picking Patsey

1. Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave
2. Jennifer Lawrence - American Hustle
3. Julia Roberts - August: Osage County
4. June Squibb - Nebraska
5. Sally Hawkins - Blue Jasmine

Best Director
Pretty confident about this one.

1. Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity
2. Steve McQueen - 12 Years a Slave
3. Martin Scorsese - The Wolf of Wall Street
4. David O'Russell - American Hustle
5. Alexander Payne - Nebraska

Best Animated Feature Film
The first category where I haven't seen one of the movies. Impressive right? The Wind Rises only came out 2 days ago so I can't be blamed. Also I didn't care for frozen but it's a big favorite and I'm no sucker so I'm going with it also.

1. Frozen
2. Despicable Me 2
3. The Croods
4. Ernest et Celestine (really cool water color art. way different the the first 3)
5. The Wind Rises (probably would be 2 if I saw it)

Best Cinematography
Prisoners only nomination but I liked it better than Captain Phillips.

1. Gravity
2. Prisoners
3. Inside Llewyn Davis
4. Nebraska
5. The Grandmaster

Best Costume Design

Didn't see the Invisible Woman so I'm up to 2 on that list.

1. The Great Gatsby
2. American Hustle
3. 12 Years a Slave
4. The Grandmaster
5. The Invisible Woman

Best Film Editing
The only category Captain Phillips has a chance

1. Gravity
2. Captain Phillips
3. 12 Years a Slave
4. American Hustle
5. Dallas Buyers Club

Best Sound Editing
This is making sound effects and the sound recorded sound nice among other things.

1. Gravity
2. All is Lost
3. Lone Survivor
4. Captain Phillips
5. The Hobbit 2

Best Sound Mixing
Taking everything the sound editors did and making it into a finished product

1. Gravity
2. Lone Survivor
3. Inside Llewyn Davis
4. Captain Phillips
5. The Hobbit 2

Best Music Original Score
A very important part of a movie

1. Gravity
2. Her
3. Saving Mr. Banks
4. The Book Theif
5. Philomena

Best Original Song
I didn't want to pick Let it Go but the lyrics are too simple in Happy for me to pick it.

1. Let it Go - Frozen
2. Happy - Despicable Me 2
3. Ordinary Love - Mandela Long Walk to Freedom
4. The Moon Song - Her

Best Make Up and Hair Styling
Bad Grandpa was my favorite but I'm picturing a lot of older people voting for these things.

1. Dallas Buyers Club
2. Bad Grandpa
3. Lone Ranger

Best Production Design
If The Great Gatsby was as good as it looked then maybe someone would've liked it.

1. The Great Gatsby
2. Gravity
3. 12 Years a Slave
4. Her
5. American Hustle

Best Visual Effects
Gravity and that's all

1. Gravity
2. Star Trek 2
3. The Hobbit 2
4. Iron Man 3
5. The Lone Ranger

Best Original Screenplay
Here is where Her wins one

1. Her
2. Dallas Buyers Club
3. Nebraska
4. American Hustle
5. Blue Jasmine

Best Adapted Screenplay
These people aren't original

1. 12 Years a Slave
2. Philomena
3. The Wolf of Wall Street
4. Before Midnight
5. Captain Phillips

Best Foreign Film
This one is crazy close. Only watched the three in contention.

1. The Hunt
2. The Great Beauty
3. Broken Circle Breakdown

Best Documentary
Don't see what is making people say 20 feet is a winner.

1. The Act of Killing
2. The Square
3. 20 Feet from Stardom
4. Cutie and the Boxer
5. Dirty Wars

Live Action Short Film

1. The Voorman Problem - wasn't amazing but Martin Freeman hype.
2. Helium - Good story and some cool fantasy effects thrown in
3. Aquel No Era Yo - I think it's spanish for "Don't go to Africa even if there is a fire"
4. Avant Que De Tout Perdre - was good but felt like the last 30 mins of a full length movie not a short
5. The Finnish one - I enjoyed it but it was way less than the other.

Animated Short
Only saw 2 because they're not available online

1. Get a Horse!
2. Room on a broom

Documentary Short
Like last year couldn't find these anyway. Cave Digger sounds pretty close to Grave Digger and that is metal. Rooting for that one but this category doesn't count.

14 Minutes to go. Just in time again.

Best Original Song

2014-02-20T10:55:00.001-05:00

Best Original Song

That's some grip Adele. Let Oscar breath a little.

That last post was a doozy and I'm sorry but sometimes I just can't stop. I'm no doc expert (I know like six people that have seen more than me) but I know enough. This post is a whole different story because I don't even know where to start. I thought maybe I would go look at the past winners and see a trend that would show me what type of song would win but both Phil Collins and Three 6 Mafia have both won this. I'm pretty sure Phil has never said the word "pimp" so no trends there.

Great! Now I have to take Mr. Schneebly again.

I'm not some weirdo who never listens to music (have 45 gbs of it on my ipod), I just don't know what the criteria is to determine what makes a song better than another. Could it be which song has more instruments in it? Maybe it's the lyrics or which one get stuck in your head the longest? I know it isn't which song has the best xylophone solo because Toto hasn't won every year? Anyway here are the four songs which have been nominated. Skyfall won last year which I thought wasn't anything special.

Happy from Despicable Me 2

Let it Go from Frozen

The Moon Song from Her

Ordinary Love from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Death for Dolly will be nominated one of these years once we learn how to play instruments.