CAP News

[pic] The Best Photos From May

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

Enjoy a quick run-through of the best CAP News photos from May, 2009.

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Sat, 18 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

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Panetta Orders Probe Of Secret Agent Spy Scopes

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

WASHINGTON (CAP) - CIA Director Leon Panetta has ordered an investigation into his agency's alleged use of Secret Agent Spy Scopes and other surreptitious surveillance practices, which Democrats claim were withheld from Congress. Panetta said he fears the results could taint the legacy of the Bush administration.

"If Dick Cheney had no compunction concealing information that agents were spying on others up to seven miles away without being seen, there's no telling what else we'll find," Panetta said. "Bush's use of the Magic Eight Ball to make policy decisions may well pale in comparison."

Panetta said Bush's penchant for ordering things from the advertisements in his collection of '70s comic books has led the investigation to focus on packages sent to the White House in the months following 9/11. Old security footage clearly shows boxes labeled as "Deluxe Super Power Model" being delivered, but so far the contents of those boxes have not been confirmed.

"We know Bush tried to join the defunct Hardy Boys Fan Club in order to procure a Shaun Cassidy lunch box," said House intelligence chairman Silvestre Reyes (D-TX). "What we don't know is whether he planned to use that lunch box to transport the Secret Agent Spy Scopes for CIA operatives.

"It may have just been full of Matchbox cars," Reyes noted.

Democratic lawmakers pushing for the investigation want Panetta's query to also center on Bush's well-documented love for Cracker Jack caramel-coated popcorn mix and just how many Secret Decoder Rings he may have won as prizes from inside the boxes.

"And herein lies the cruxt of the issue, that the CIA failed to tell Congress about all the trinkets Bush had hidden away in his desk drawer that doubled as spy equipment," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). "Nobody told me Bush liked Cracker Jack so much. Nobody told me."

Pelosi and other House Democrats claim they would have looked much more closely at President Bush's snack-eating habits had they been privy to this information, pointing out the efforts undertaken to determine how Bush came into possession of so many lick-on tattoos often found smeared up and down his arms. Republicans say it's nothing but a witch hunt.

"Listen, we all know bad things were done. We all know someone had to make the conscious effort to mail in the UPC symbols from the cereal box tops to obtain some of this equipment," said Sen. John McCain (R-AZ). "But I agree with Obama: we're a Grape Nuts and oatmeal nation now. It's time to put our Cocoa Puffs and Frankenberry days behind us."

Other investigations into Bush-era tactics may be forthcoming, including a closer look into alleged illegal practices involving Dick Cheney's glass eye.

President Puts Kabosh On Human-Animal Hybrids

Mon, 6 Feb 2006 06:00:00 EST

WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Bush's call for legislation that would prohibit the creation of human-animal hybrids has the science community reeling.

Bush tucked this bombshell near the end of his State of the Union address last week, and it was largely ignored by the mainstream media. Yet, his words were a verbal punch in the stomach for the tens of thousands of American scientists working around the clock to create human-animal hybrids.

Or, if you're the cow-woman that hybrid researcher Paul Byrd has been developing for the past 14 years - a punch in the four stomachs.

"I thought the location of the nipple-utters was going to be my biggest hurdle," explained Byrd. "I never in my wildest dreams imagined the President would attempt to turn off this spigot of knowledge and hope for a better future."

In a statement posted on his website yesterday, Friends of Human-Animal Cloning president Bill Knightly asked his membership to stay the course. He highlighted the organization's successes in the past year:

- The groundbreaking woodchuck-boy work being done in San Diego
- The breakthrough kangaroo-girl pouch discoveries in Austin
- The news out of Miami last month of a woman purportedly carrying the first human-zebra fetus.

The American public is weighing in, as well.

"I hope these are privately funded experiments," said Jeff Bezos, a courier in New London, Conn. "Because - so help me - if I find out that my tax money is going to eggheads creating bat-girls and manatee-men, I'm going to hit myself in the face with a hammer until that thought goes away."

Study: Most Of Stimulus Spent On Hookers

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 06:45:00 EDT

PHILADELPHIA (CAP) - A new study out of the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania has cast some doubt on whether the government's $800 billion stimulus package has really helped the U.S. economy, with results showing that the recipients have already spent more than half of the money on prostitutes.

"And not even legal prostitutes, like in Nevada," said Dr. Felton Merkelson, who led the study.

The results, released this morning, drew an immediate response from President Barack Obama, who said he was "very disappointed."

"We knew a certain amount of the money would likely be spent on prostitutes," acknowledged Obama. "Men have needs. Not me - I'm talking about lesser men.

"But to use that much of it on hookers is patently, you know, just unacceptable," he said. "Clearly I miscalculated the ability of financiers to keep it in their pants, as it were."

According to Merkelson's study, which focused primarily on financial institutions that received stimulus funds, the uses for the money break down as follows:

- Hookers: 51 percent
- Cuban cigars: 22 percent
- Cocaine: 18 percent
- Mail-order products (Sham-Wow, etc.): 5 percent
- Ponzi schemes: 4 percent

None of which, Merkelson noted, will do much to boost the U.S. economy. "Even the mail-order products are mostly out of Thailand," he said.

In the case of the Ponzi schemes, most of which had already been dismantled by federal authorities, Merkelson attributed investors' continued attraction to them as a matter of habit.

"A lot of them just don't know what else to do with the money," he said, noting that more than 20 Wall Street financiers have been caught in recent weeks trying to smuggle investment money to Bernard Madoff in prison.

Similarly, the immense amount of money spent on cocaine can probably be attributed to Wall Street mavens' fond memories of the 1980s boom years. "Back then you would go to work and they'd have big bowls of coke you could just stick your face into and snort, like in Scarface," said Merkelson. "Um - That's what I've heard, anyway."

But prostitution is by far the most popular stimulus fund target: "Business is booming," said one New York City call girl who asked to be referred to simply as Rocquelle. "And with bankers it's always over so quickly that they'll usually pony up for seconds."

In turn, that money has apparently been funneled into similarly problematic related activities, such as gambling and protection. But some of it has made its way to legitimate industries that need it, such as "adult services" ads in urban alternative weekly newspapers.

"It's been a big help," admitted Boston Phoenix publisher Steven Mendelssohn, noting that it also helps his reporters, some of whom have taken to advertising their own "adult services" in the wake of a recent pay cut. "Although they haven't been that successful, because frankly they're not that attractive," said Mendelssohn.

In the meantime, President Obama said steps are being taken to remedy the situation. "For the next $800 billion we give out, we're going to make darn sure that less of it is spent on hookers, probably," he said.

Biden: We Misread The NL East

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

WASHINGTON (CAP) - As the 2009 Major League Baseball season pauses for the All-Star Break, Vice President Joe Biden has come out and admitted that the Obama administration misjudged the National League East and has no idea who will finish on top in that division.

"The truth is, there was a misreading of just how bad a division this would be," Biden told CAP News during an exclusive interview. "Looking back, it seems crazy to think the Nationals would have won at least 30 games by now."

Obama made headlines back in April when his fantasy baseball team fell to last place before the first month of the season had concluded, and his lineup stacked with NL East players has yet to climb any higher than 9th since Memorial Day. The vice president argued more time is needed for the NL East to play to its potential.

"I think it's premature to make any judgement - listen, the baseball season is six months long," Biden said. "Mets fans still think their team has a shot at winning the division, so you know this thing is far from over.

"To all you Mets fans out there, I have one number for you: 2007," Biden added. "Okay, and 2008, too."

While the Philadelphia Phillies currently lead the division, the Atlanta Braves have already placed their order for NL East Division Championship hats and t-shirts, despite a record below .500. Manager Bobby Cox said he's trying to avoid being too cocky, but he's having everyone bat left-handed for the rest of the season just to make it interesting.

"I think our magic number is eight right now," said Cox. "Although that could go up if Lowe keeps pitching like a weenie."

During his first summit with Russia last week, President Obama touched on the NL East situation while meeting with Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, with both sides agreeing that the Florida Marlins' league-lowest payroll will likely doom their playoff chances, despite their recent surge.

"I would agree that there are shortcomings in the NL East that must be addressed," Obama noted. "With that said, I'm not sure why Joe [Biden] feels the need to, uhh, run his mouth every time I step out of the country. I hope this time he just stays out of my office and puts everything back where he found it."

For his part, Biden continued to run his mouth at CAP News for a good hour, covering every conceivable topic from the administration's ongoing efforts to build a time machine to the success of his boss' Domestic Poncho Program to the brand of mousse he uses to keep his hair always looking perfect.

It's Dep Sport Power Wax.

Obama Brings Mail-Order Brides Home From Russia

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

WASHINGTON (CAP) - The White House has finally confirmed the identity of the two women who have traveled home with the Obamas from their overseas trip last week, telling the press that they are gifts from Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and a Moscow company called Krasivaya Girls. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says for now, they will live at the White House.

"Milanna and Lyudmila are two very caring and compassionate 26-year-old women from the Russian city of Togliatti who are very much interested in a loving and lasting relationship with a foreign husband, preferably American," Gibbs told reporters at this morning's briefing. "And no, President Obama is not that husband."

According to Gibbs, Obama agreed to bring the two Russian women back to the United States with him and help find them suitable husbands, one of a couple of little-publicized steps aimed to help patch relations with the Russian government. In exchange, Putin agreed to work with the Russian media about not referring to Obama as President Darkie McBlack and Vice President Joe Biden as Buttercup.

"Oh, sure, Barack brings home the two most beautiful women from the other side of the world, and all I get is this stinkin' t-shirt from the G8 summit," Biden lamented to CAP News as he pointed out the gray polo with Shoulda Had A G8! emblazoned across the front. "Not only that, but it's two sizes too small!

"Although, gotta say, it still looks pretty good," Biden added.

It's unclear whether the president hand-picked the young women himself or if that selection was made for him, but according to reporters traveling with Obama, the ladies "got along famously" with the first family. Pictures show them doting not only on the president himself, but also the first lady as well as many aides and other assistants.

"Yes, it's true that Milanna was nibbling on my ear during India's speech to the G8 leaders," Obama said. "But no, it's not true that this in any way upset Michelle; she understands that as president, I need to do what's necessary to ensure positive relations with Russia going forward.

"Even, uhh, one citizen at a time," Obama added.

Should the newly-coined Project German Helmet be successful in finding husbands for the two women, Obama said he wouldn't rule out bringing over more women from Russia, and even expanding to other countries such as Sweden, Finland and Norway. He cited the tax breaks received by married couples as good economic incentive to keep the program going.

Gibbs said that while the exact process used to match the women with compatible husbands has yet to be ironed out, he did acknowledge that a number of Republican leaders have promised their bipartisan support of the president's policies if they would be given top consideration. "And yes, more than a handful of them are already married," Gibbs noted.

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Sat, 11 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

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Farrah Fawcett Tribute To Air On Local Cable

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

LOS ANGELES (CAP) - A day after the star-studded Michael Jackson funeral service at the Staples Center dominated the airwaves and was broadcast live on all major networks, friends of Farrah Fawcett expressed frustration that a similar tribute to the late Charlie's Angels star has been all but ignored.

The Fawcett tribute is now scheduled to air tape-delayed on Malibu Access Cable later this week. The channel, which is run by area high school students, declined to air the event live as it would have preempted the 47th replay of the Malibu High prom and middle school graduation ceremonies.

Longtime companion Ryan O'Neal is reportedly incensed with the snub, while estranged sister-in-law Tatum O'Neal unleashed a highly intoxicated and profanity-laced tirade about the media, attention paid to Jackson, and an LA meter maid who recently gave her a parking ticket, to the website TMZ.com.

"She got friggin' screwed when that freak show kicked the same day as her," said O'Neal in one of the few lines from the rant that can be reprinted here. "So screw Michael Jackson, screw the networks and screw that bitch who wrote me up for parking in the handicap spot!

"Like two dozen cripples are just going to suddenly all show up at the beach one day at the same time," O'Neal continued. "What? Are they going to stretch out in the sun? Maybe play some volleyball? And screw them if they do."

Despite the hard feelings, tribute organizers are doing their best to cull together a fitting program. Fawcett's son, Redmond O'Neal, will reportedly sing a video rendition of "Tears in Heaven" from the prison where he is serving time for drug possession, former Angels castmate Kate Jackson will read a poignant passage from the script of an old Scarecrow & Mrs. King episode and fellow castmate Jaclyn Smith will unveil the "Farrah Collection" of cut-off shorts that will be available as a blue-light special in her KMart clothing line starting in August.

"There'd better not be one goddamn dry eye in the goddamn place or I'll kick that person's goddamn ass!" Tatum O'Neal threatened.

In related news, CAP News has also learned a tribute to late pitchman Billy Mays will not be shown in its entirety, but will be made into a half-hour program that will air randomly on basic cable channels between midnight and 4am throughout the summer. A Mays DVD tribute will also be available with any purchase of Mighty Putty, OxyClean and the Awesome Auger as long as customers pay separate shipping and processng fees.

Sanford Admits Argentina Trip Due To Lack Of Map

Thu, 9 Jul 2009 06:15:00 EDT

COLUMBIA, S.C. (CAP) - In an exclusive interview with CAP News, embattled So. Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford has acknowledged that he never intended to go to Argentina but ended up there because he had no map. Sanford said his mistress actually lives in Alabama and he simply confused the two locations.

"This admission by Gov. Sanford shows us just how truly poor Americans are at geography," said CAP News political analyst Fuad Reveiz. "And not only that, but it also shows us that Miss South Carolina Teen USA Caitlin Upton was actually right all along."

Caitlin Upton garnered quite a bit of notoriety back in August, 2007 when her seemingly incoherent response to a Miss Teen USA pageant question became a viral Internet sensation. When asked by questioner Aimee Teegarden why 20 percent of Americans can't find the United States on a map, she responded that it was because "some people out there in our nation don't have maps."

"Wow, who's laughing now?" said former New York Times political columnist William Safire. "Well, that explains why you never see people from South Carolina traveling to other states: they have no way of figuring out how to get there."

As news of the governor's map situation begins to spread, calls for his resignation are toning down. The ACLU, which had been leading the charge for Sanford to step down, withdrew its protests upon learning that the whole situation was nothing more than a geographical mistake.

"There is never a need for a U.S. politician to leave the country to find a mistress - we have plenty right here in America," said ACLU spokesperson Margot Kent. "We're glad to hear Gov. Sanford at least meant to hook up with a down home cheatin' girl from Alabama, even if it didn't come to pass."

Sanford's accidental mistress, Buenos Aires resident Maria Chapur, said she and the South Carolina governor became involved after he stopped her on the street to ask "how far to Montgomery." When she explained where he was, she said a look of confusion crossed his face but quickly left when he grabbed her hand, said "Well, you'll do," and led her to a nearby motel.

"A man in heat isn't necessarily firing on all four cylinders," said noted relationship expert Seth Boyle. "There's pretty much just one cylinder firing, if you know what I mean."

Although Sanford's wife Jenny has publicly accepted his apology, rumors have surfaced that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin recently resigned her post so she could move to South Carolina to become the governor's live-in mistress. Republicans are hopeful this gubernatorial match-making will bring some unity to the GOP that has been lacking since Obama won office.

Israel Unites Behind Sharon Intestine

Wed, 8 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

TEL AVIV, Israel (CAP) - Doctors removed nearly two feet of Ariel Sharon's large intestine during emergency surgery, his seventh operation since suffering a debilitating stroke last month. Just two more operations, and doctors say his tenth one will be free.

The latest complications make it more unlikely that Sharon will recover, leaving many Israelis seeking something to hold onto in this time of crisis. And they've found that in the form of Sharon's large intestine.

"My people need a little something in their time of need," said interim Israeli leader Dave Chappelle, "and a couple feet of his innards fits the bill. Anything less would be sacriligious."

Supporters of Sharon's intestine flocked to Rabin Square just to be in the presence of the hallowed body part. Some who were close enough even claimed to see the image of the Virgin Mary in the leader's tubing.

But not everyone was in awe. "I hate his guts!" said one detractor in Jerusalem. "So it only stands to reason that I would, umm, hate his ... guts."

Sharon's intestine is expected to play a major role in the March elections. Candidates from both political parties are already claiming to have the "intestinal fortitude" needed to lead the Jewish nation.

Sanford, Palin To Join Obama Administration

Tue, 7 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

WASHINGTON (CAP) - In a sign that it is trying to shore up its bipartisan credentials, the Obama administration today announced that it is reaching across the aisle to fill two diplomatic posts. Tapped to be ambassador of Argentina is beleaguered South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, while outgoing Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has been named ambassador to Mars.

"Gov. Sanford has always had a thing for Argentina, so this is a perfect match," said one Sanford aide. "Hiking her fertile valleys, climbing her snowy peaks, ordering her fine hotel room service - the governor loves Argentina, and Argentina loves him long time right back."

It is unclear at this time whether Sanford's wife Jenny and his four sons will accompany him to Argentina on his diplomatic mission, but a spokeswoman for Mrs. Sanford expressed confidence that Mark Sanford was the right man for the job.

"Ambassador? Well, he's got one syllable covered already there, doesn't he?" the spokeswoman said.

There is no question that Gov. Palin's family will accompany her to Mars, however.

"Oh shoot yeah, they're giving us a trailer attachment thingie on the space station up there called Lunar Tech 1, and me and Todd and Trig and the whole Wasilla clan will be shacking out there until they discover life on Mars and I can start representing this wonderful country to the Marsitonians," Palin said at a rambling press conference.

"You know, they're gonna hoot at me for saying this, but I really can see Mars from my house," Governor Palin said, adding, "And I just love green cheese!"

The senate is expected to confirm both appointments and expedite traveling papers, as one anonymous source said, "Jesus, yesterday?"

Hot Dog Champ Inspires Young Would-Be Gorgers

Mon, 6 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EDT

CONEY ISLAND (CAP) - Defending champion Joey Chestnut's world-record consumption of 68 franks at the 94th annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest has garnered him headlines around the world, and inspired scores of youngsters who hope that one day they, too, can ingest more than nine pounds of hot dogs in one sitting.

"He's amazing - the most I've ever eaten is 20," said Jimmy Flengerton, 10, of Cold Spring, N.Y., who was on hand to watch Chestnut's victory at the Coney Island contest. "But that wasn't for a contest or anything. I just love hot dogs."

And Flengerton isn't the only one. A recent survey sponsored by Kayem Foods, Inc. showed that close to 500 schools and youth organizations nationwide have formed competitive hot-dog eating teams, a number that is growing every week.

"The intense training involved really teaches the kids discipline and the value of hard work," said Mark Merclativich, principal of the Anadarko, Okla., Middle School, whose top eater - Billy "The Stomach" Stomkins, 14 - managed an impressive 40 hot dogs at the Oklahoma State Fair in 2008.

"Plus, Kayem paid for our new cafeteria," noted Merclativich.

Like in many sports, sponsorship is a big component of competitive eating. In addition to sponsoring local teams like the one in Anadarko, companies vie to represent professional eaters like Chestnut, whose current sponsor is Kraft, Inc., owner of Oscar Mayer.

"You'll find our logo on items like official Joey Chestnut mustard and relish and things like our new Joey Chestnut clothing line," said Kraft representative Michael Hirschberg, holding up a mustard-yellow apron emblazoned with the words "Kiss Me - I Just Ate 68 Hot Dogs!"

The Kraft logo, along with Chestnut's face, are also prominent on promotional items like key chains, bottle openers and Joey Chestnut "barf bags" distributed to competitive eating teams at schools and colleges.

Asked about health concerns involved in competitive eating, Hirschberg said the values taught by the sport far outweigh them. Besides, he said, "Hot dogs are an American tradition, like apple pie, and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and angioplasty."

Young Oklahoma champion Stomkins agreed. "I'm definitely more disciplined than I was before I started competitive eating," he said, adding that the popularity that's come with his success hasn't hurt either. "Now I'm not just another fat kid - I'm a fat kid who can eat 40 hot dogs without puking," he noted.

The trend has also caught on in other parts of the world, even becoming a form of protest against totalitarian regimes. Protesters in Iran this week were spotted mounting impromptu hot dog eating contests in the streets, using contraband frankfurters smuggled into the country, where pork is banned. A video of the eaters squirting mustard into the eyes of policemen has become a YouTube sensation.

As for Chestnut, the man who started it all? "I'm truly honored and humbled by all the BLAAAGHHH!" said Chestnut, projectile vomiting onto the reporter.

"Geez, sorry," he added. "That happens sometimes."

Image Of Courtney Love Spotted On Highway Overpass

Thu, 2 Jul 2009 08:30:00 EDT

POTTAWATTAMIE COUNTY, Neb. (CAP) - On a long stretch of highway east of Omaha, Neb., trucker Rhett Ingram pulled over his rig and hopped out so he could stretch his legs. And what he saw was a stretch for his imagination.

"So I'm shaking hands with the president and I look up and there she is," Ingram told CAP News, "staring down at me like I just stole her stash or something."

It didn't take long for the word to spread about Courtney Love's image on that Route 6 overpass, and soon crowds were reaching the double-digits.

Employees at Penny's Diner even reported having to put on a second pot of coffee for the first time since one of Trisha Yearwood's former roadies broke down some years back.

"Well, she's no Virgin Mary," said waitress Donna Brach, "but you take what you can get, I guess."

State highway workers have power-washed the concrete a number of times since the first gawkers appeared to try to remove the unsightly stain, but so far have had no luck. Not all residents agree with the effort.

"Sure, nobody wants an unsightly stain on one of their highway overpasses," said local historian Chester Reed. "But she's our unsightly stain."

This isn't the first time the image of a celebrity has made news in the region. Back in 2001 witnesses claimed to see the image of Daniel Baldwin on the side of a brick building in Council Bluffs. However, after further investigation it turned out to be Alec Baldwin and interest quickly died down.

Creationists, Scientists Team Up To Protest 'Ice Age'

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:15:00 EDT

HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - In what is shaping up to be an unusual alliance, several prominent scientists and creationists have banded together to protest the new Paramount/Dreamworks release, Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs.

"To include dinosaurs in a movie set 10,000 years ago, more than 25 million years after their extinction, is irresponsible from a scientific point of view," said renowned paleontologist Dr. Martin Sherman of Pennsylvania State University, during a demonstration outside the Dreamworks studios in Glendale, Calif.

"Especially when dinosaurs are actually only about 4,500 years old," added Dr. John Warner, a noted creationist formerly of Eastern Kentucky University.

"Um ... We don't quite agree about that part," said Dr. Sherman, sheepishly.

The two camps had apparently planned separate peaceful demonstrations to protest the film's release, but wound up joining together when they both showed up on the same corner. And despite some initial conflicts, the two usually disparate groups blended quite well, according to those on the scene.

"At first I just assumed they would be closed-minded simpletons, but they're actually fine people," said Sherman of the creationists. "Except for the whole not believing in evolution thing.

"Also, all of their protest slogans have Bible verses in them, which we're not exactly 'up' on," said Sherman. "I still don't get that one they do about beholding the behemoth."

"Job 40:15," clarified Warner of the origin of the slogan in question, Behold now behemoth - he came with Noah, and so did woolly mammoth.

"We know behemoth and mammoth don't really rhyme, but let's face it, nothing rhymes with behemoth," he added. "We have that problem all the time with Bible verses at these protests ... Not much rhymes with abomination either."

Presented with the concerns from the two groups, Dreamworks Director of Marketing Sal Merkowicz said they should rest assured there's a logical explanation for including the dinosaurs in the new Ice Age, besides the plans to include their images on T-shirts, jewelry, tote bags, calendars, glowsticks (with lanyard) and other merchandise available at toy stores and fast-food restaurants.

"You'll notice in the movie that it's very clearly explained that the dinosaurs were frozen, or living in a lost underground world, or something like that," he said.

When asked if the film's writers were available to comment, Merkowicz stared blankly for several seconds and then responded, "Um ... I can have another director of marketing talk to you if you want."

Still, the protesters are undeterred. "All we know is, even though these are cartoons we're talking about, we believe they should present the facts accurately," said Dr. Sherman.

"It's true!" added Dr. Warner. "For instance, why not a movie that shows the dinosaurs on the ark with Noah?"

"Um ... Maybe because the tyrannosaurs would have eaten all the other animals, and Noah, and his entire family," responded Dr. Sherman.

"They were babies, and he had them in a wooden cage!" answered Warner, testily, shaking his head and adding simply, "Scientists!" Then they wrestled.