Cassandra Warren

The cutoff.

2012-01-22T19:21:00.004-05:00

It was bound to happen. I was running on such heavy emotion for about two solid months, drawing and writing every day, pouring as much of it out as I could.

I hit a wall.

It's all right. Except for the part where my Sketchbook Project needs to be postmarked by the 31st and I haven't gotten far past the mid-point (somehow, I'm not feeling discouraged). I've done a lot this month, dragging myself through the mud, while maintaining my life and projects. I'm not going to beat myself up for feeling utterly drained the last few days. I'm actually doing a good job of not beating myself up at all lately. Turns out it's fairly simple, and the trick is to keep telling yourself, I am a human being and I am doing the best that I can.

From the top left:
1. Pineapple on top of my sketchbook while I'm trying to draw.
2. View from the train on my commute to work.
3. The first real snowfall of the year, as I was walking home.
4. Christmas eve tattoo. I don't think I've posted this here yet. One more session to go, for the color.

Stems and bones and stone walls too.

2012-01-06T00:22:00.004-05:00

The last two pictures are the center pages in my 2012 Sketchbook Project. The postmark deadline is January 31st, and I'm excited because it looks like I'm going to complete it in time (as I've mentioned, I failed at the 2011 project). I've put the Limited Edition on hold for now, but will be diving in as soon as the 2012 is finished.

I won't be explaining the pages, or the sadness that stretches across many of them. It is what it is. My sketchbooks have always been something of a journal. This one is tricky though, since it will be going on a nationwide tour and it's being posted online as I complete pages. I am having to learn how to balance honesty while maintaining a certain degree of privacy and anonymity (mostly for the sake of others).

The pages after the first three shown above are less.. lost-sounding. It's hard to post them and not apologize for them.

January 1st.

2012-01-05T00:26:00.003-05:00

Out of sequence.

Memory.

2012-01-02T23:45:00.008-05:00

Sometimes I miss New Hampshire. It always sneaks up on me. I will be away from the city and the trees will smell familiar. I will be walking someplace and hear the call of a mourning dove. Or sometimes, like tonight, I will read the words New Hampshire and be flooded with a warm feeling that is something like nostalgia, something like homesickness, but neither.

The New Hampshire that makes me the pleasant sort of sick to my stomach, is not one that I've shared with many people. I have experienced it with my sister in our youth, when playing in the woods, then later as teenagers, driving home late at night and jumping into Lake Winnepesaukee on hot days with our clothes on because we weren't wearing bathing suits and there were people everywhere. I shared this New Hampshire with my neighbors, who knew it well. Then as an adult, with a friend as we wandered through corn fields, and later, with a boyfriend who waited with me patiently for sunset on Halls Hill, because I told him the sky there was unlike any other place (and I meant it, and it was worth it).

This all started a few days ago, when I was eating a piece of strawberry rhubarb pie, and it made me miss my grandparents, and peach trees, and picking blackberries, and smelling lilacs through my bedroom window.

My relationship with the state is complicated. But I wouldn't have the same fondness for nature had I not lived there. I remember the first time I ever saw a deer, a barn owl, a pack of coyotes, a hummingbird moth. It's why I love and can identify small birds. There was a whole lot of beautiful things in there, and when I get all wistful and daydream about hiding away in a cabin for a week in the north, this is exactly why.

The above photos: by me, years ago, and all I really have, despite the time I had there. They are simple, but I cherish them.

A not-so year in review.

2011-12-30T12:14:00.006-05:00

I understand why people do the year in review thing. It's a good way to metaphorically close one chapter, and prepare yourself a clean slate to begin outlining the next. But I can't do that this year. It's not as if nothing good happened to me. My summer was amazing. My new job, new apartment, moving to Somerville -- these things are huge, and I am eternally grateful for them.

But. 2011 was a struggle. Things began to fracture, and ultimately fell apart. Someone that I cared about very much died unexpectedly in February, which was the first time as an adult (fortunately) that I had to deal with death on a personal level. The usual ups and downs that come with each year are relatively unimportant. Then there is the last six weeks, which have been what I will not-so-fondly describe as total hell, on a daily basis. And that much emotional turmoil is exhausting.

So I am sorry that I can't look at the closing of the year with joy. I am looking forward to what's to come, don't get me wrong. But I can not wait to leave all of this behind me.

I'll end this post with a little bit of positivity:

Brian Andreas

The unfortunate truth.

2011-12-26T20:15:00.000-05:00

This drawing isn't very good. But that's fine with me.

What comes after the blues.

2011-12-21T18:33:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I forget. Never for very long. But still, sometimes.

Happy holidays, friends. There are plenty of warm thoughts to be given. Mine are going to you.♥

Concerning time (in which I talk and share photos).

2011-12-12T15:05:00.011-05:00

Truth be told, I've never been very good at updating this blog. Talking about myself and the things I create makes me a little uncomfortable. It's much easier for me to just make things and snap a picture and upload it wherever. But it's more than that too. I only started drawing regularly again in September. Before that, I was working six days a week at a job that didn't make me very happy, and that unhappiness spilled over into every other aspect of my life. I allowed for all of this to last a long time. I allowed my creativity to take the backseat to my job and my relationships for a year and a half.

My life now is incredibly different compared to.. well, anything it's ever been, really. I left my job in August and started working at a tattoo shop. (Let's pause for a moment: Upon hearing that, everyone asks me if I'm tattooing. No, I'm not. But I hope to earn my way to that point.) My job is wonderful. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's frustrating. But it is an amazing thing to be around artists all day -- and not just artists, but good and inspiring ones. I am learning a lot from everyone there, and I'm very grateful for that. My commute is long, sometimes two hours. I have little time for anything outside of work and the commute itself on my work days. But somehow, that's okay. It doesn't make me feel drained. At the end of the day, I get home and I'm still excited about getting things down on paper.

Leaving my old job meant being able to leave the awful north shore town I lived in. I miraculously found a lovely apartment with a kind roommate (and a large cat), in Somerville, MA. It's a great neighborhood, a great space. Thing is, when life changes, it usually changes in a big way. I don't know if it's this way for everyone, but usually when several good things happen to me, something bad and difficult usually occurs as well, and last month I lost someone very important to me. I won't talk about it here, even though I want to. I want to talk about it all the time, as if speaking about it will somehow pull the pain out (although we all know it doesn't work that way). I am still struggling with the empty space, each day, and it is proving to be one of the harder things I've fought against in a long time. Even writing this seems to be exhausting, but if I were to talk about life here and not mention it, it would be very dishonest, because whether I like it or not, this change will be something that continues to shape me. And probably my art too, as I am throwing myself into it further as a result.

And so it goes. I am working on two Sketchbook Projects. The 2012 and the Limited Edition. I'm dreaming up ideas for new projects, planning collaborations. I'm finding new things to pour my heart into. If you've read all of this, you are a champion. I will leave the rest of this post in pictures.

On life:

On loss:

Sketchbook Project:

I will do my best to share more, very soon (especially because there isn't even a finished piece in this post and I haven't scanned anything in a while - yikes). ♥

The fruits of hibernation.

2011-08-28T18:18:00.002-04:00

Since we were expecting Irene to hit us far harder than it did, M and I made plans to hunker down and be productive today. Not only did we get lucky with the storm (it barely touched us, and outside it's just a bit windy and dark), but we managed to be Awesome at Adulthood. What did I do, you ask? Well, I finally got a bunch of things into my Etsy shop.

In the last week:

2011-06-29T11:40:00.000-04:00

On making time.

2011-05-03T16:40:00.003-04:00

I have decided that I need to try significantly harder to make more time for art in my life. I allow myself to be consumed with work and relationships and in the last year+, art has been the last thing on my list of priorities. This is poor logic on my part, as drawing makes me happier than almost anything else on the planet(! in the galaxy! in the universe!).

To give myself a little motivation, I signed up for The Sketchbook Project again this year. This is actually doubly motivating, because I have a theme/deadline, and last year I failed to finish my book on time and never sent it in. And I don't take failure or disappointment lightly, so I'm determined to finish this year!

My chosen theme? Encyclopedia of. Sounds vague? Absolutely! But my brain started filling up with ideas as soon as I decided on those two words.

(And in case you're wondering, that tote in the third picture is from Fieldguided, and is one of my favorite things this spring. I promise they did not bribe me to say that.)

Frustration.

2011-04-14T19:34:00.003-04:00

I recently officially decided to hand print the paper goods for Oh, Atlantic, rather than use my inkjet. I appreciate something about the handmade quality, how every print varies slightly, the time and love that is put into each one. Except I'm having a horrible effing time finding a printing technique that works.

In happier news, my heat is off, my windows are open at 7:43 in the evening, tomorrow is Friday, I'm about to do some drawing, my cat is still adorable, and I'm going to eat a giant burrito for dinner.

New blog layout and how I suck at posting here.

2011-03-30T19:51:00.004-04:00

I follow a lot of aesthetically pleasing blogs, and decided that this week I would tidy mine up a little. This later led to two thoughts: 1) Why am I doing this? I am really bad at updating this thing. And 2) I could only manage to tweak everything for a little while, before I got frustrated and then started to lose my attention span. I always forget how much I hate fiddling around with code. The (temporary?) end result is better, it at least looks a little more organized, but maybe that will just help everyone be able to lurk me in other places on the World Wide Web.

Anyway, I feel like I should write you all a formal apology for failing to update this thing on a regular basis. Along with my tumblr. And my facebook. At first the problem was spreading the love between the three, but lately? No excuse. Other than being distracted with life. I wish that I could say that art made up the majority of my life, but sadly this is not the case (but it is still the dream). I am sorry. Really and truly.

And because I'm making this post to talk about how I suck at posting, and still don't have anything to show you (most of the artsy-like things I've been doing are on a computer screen, so unless you want to see a bunch of notebook scribbles...), here is a picture of my cat in a box. The box at least, did contain artsy-things at one point in its life.

P.S., Sometimes I wonder if future employers will google me and see that I do things like use the word "suck" in blog posts and think negatively of me. I am still a nice and competent person, I swear (pun intended).

Yes, let's.

2011-02-24T19:42:00.003-05:00

I've got a thing for goldfish lately. No reason. I just saw a pretty picture back in October and now I can't stop thinking about them. Of course I didn't actually get around to drawing any until Tuesday night.

My favorite sketchbook is running out of pages. That will be a happy and sad day.

On being informed.

2011-02-22T10:28:00.003-05:00

This link summarizes, in a brief and understandable way, the events occurring in Libya. Before you deem this irrelevant and continue scrolling past, I encourage you to take a moment to read the rest of this post.

I think it's hard for most Americans to keep up with news that isn't happening at our doorsteps. There's something about our culture that breeds an unfortunate way of thinking, something like, if it isn't happening to us, why should I care? I am not the most informed person. I am embarrassed to say that I do not read or watch the news daily. But I pay attention enough to know that big things are happening. Big things are always happening. I was able to spend some time watching my local news this morning, and they did not mention anything that was happening in Libya, but felt it was necessary to include a segment on a rumor that Justin Bieber will be changing his signature hairstyle. To say that this saddens me would be a vast understatement.

Someone on tumblr said it well: "[...] I want to say that I have been completely unwilling to inform myself in the past. I didn’t want to know what was happening, because if I didn’t know, I couldn’t feel depressed and I couldn’t worry about it when I was supposed to be sleeping. It wouldn’t hurt me to breathe and I wouldn’t feel like crying. I wouldn’t be angry, if I didn’t know, so I didn’t look. So what I’m saying is, I understand if you don’t want to know. I understand, and I ask you to give it a chance. Be informed. Show your support. Even if the extent of your knowledge is Things Are Happening in Libya, that’s okay. Tell someone else that Things Are Happening, because they might want to know. These are important times, important moments."

It doesn't matter that a revolution may not be happening in your country. It's happening on your planet. It's happening to other human beings. Think of it as a ripple in a body of water analogy. We, as a species and primary impactors of this planet, have a responsibility to take care of each other. At the very least, care about each other. This is important. It is relevant.

To keep in mind.

2011-02-10T17:04:00.001-05:00

By Robert Colquhoun.

Teeny Tiny #8!

2011-01-31T17:06:00.002-05:00

Sorry to post this everywhere, but my work for Teeny Tiny #8 is now available online. And the show's opening reception is Friday, so if you're near Portsmouth, check it out if you can! These are always my favorite shows of the year, and so many great artists are involved. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I'll be able to make it in time for the opening myself.

Relief.

2011-01-28T22:58:00.002-05:00

Whenever I say I'm going to make a post "later," you should read that as "I intend to do it later but I'm probably going to get distracted and entirely forget." The real problem was, I didn't scan the finished piece until tonight. Here we go!

This will be at Teeny Tiny #8 in February at Three Graces. Which is a lovely little gallery in Portsmouth, NH. If you're in the area and haven't been yet, I highly recommend it!

More instagram.

2011-01-26T13:10:00.003-05:00

I'm going to make a real art post later, showing a work in progress from beginning to end, but since I have to rush off to a staff meeting at two, here are some more instagrams for now:

Airplane skies.

After being in my apartment for nearly 11 months, I hung curtains today.

New crushes.

2011-01-09T14:43:00.004-05:00

You know what my new favorite thing is these days? iPod photography. It's not fancy, but oh man am I smitten.

2011-01-03T11:06:00.002-05:00

I'm a little late, but hello and happy new year! I'm not big on resolutions, but there is always room for life-improvements, and I hope to continue growing and getting happier in 2011. And making more art would be nice too. I'll have a show announcement soon, as well as a couple of other nice things that involve all of my kind readers as well. You see, since opening my shop is taking what seems to be forever (oh, how I fantasize about drawing all day and not needing another job), I want to put together a little giveaway. Keep those eyes peeled in the next couple of weeks, but in the meantime, you should show me what YOU have been making lately. I would love to see, really.♥

Rush, rush.

2010-12-21T20:52:00.003-05:00

I'm a bad friend and didn't get my Christmas cards finished in time to send out this year. Or rather, I've had them done but not printed for weeks. I think I should send out some kind of Hi-I-like-you cards to friends after the holiday to make up for it.

To a flame.

2010-12-14T22:20:00.002-05:00

There are few things more disappointing than spending a fair amount of time on a piece and not being the least bit happy with it upon its completion.

And with that, I'm going to bed.

Colorado? Montana?

2010-11-30T19:47:00.000-05:00

I wish I could hire someone to write my blog titles for me.

2010-11-26T10:03:00.002-05:00

Emily interviewed me for a project and it came out wonderfully! (Even if I am still a little bit embarrassed, but that is.. normal. For me.) You can check it out here. Thanks, E.!