apropos of nothing

“We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 18:54:00 +0000

Outside my window it's raining but not super cold, which is a blessing considering that this time last year there was still tons and tons (and I mean tons) of snow. most of it dirty. blah. so wet, but no snow and maybe spring is just around the corner? they've just finished another four-plex across the street from us. I see a lot of people walking their dogs past our house. it makes me miss my dog that much more. we're dogsitting him next month, which will be nice, but it's always a bit odd, because as much as we love him and miss having him around, we have acclimatized ourselves to a life 'without dog'. so it's like stepping back into an old memory; it seemed like a good idea at the time, but leaves everyone feeling just a little bit awkward.

I am reading Grandma Gatewood's Walk: The Inspiring Story of the Woman Who Saved the Appalachian Trail . And before that I read another hiking book (ThruHiking Will Break Your Heart, Carrot Quinn). I miss my mountains, and since there is no hiking to be had in this flat flat land, I read about it. They are both wonderfully written and inspire me to one day take up the challenge of a long thru-hike myself.

I am thankful to be settling into a steady rhythm. February was chock full of wonderful events and people and trips and places, but it can be exhausting. I also eat really poorly when I'm not at home, so it's nice to get back to regimented and deliberate eating. So if I can add another "I am thankful", then let it be Lent! (I have not said that many times in my long orthodox life). Maybe it's age, but I'm really learning to appreciate discipline and taking control of your body and your life, instead of being yanked about by the whims of your passions. Oh oh! One more? We had another reader's service this past sunday with an orthodox family who has recently moved to Moncton. They're Russian, but have been living in Chile for the past 10 or so years. They're real globe trotters and have lived a really intersting life. It's nice to have services with other orthodox people.

From the learning rooms: Spanish! We went to Cuba for a week where I got to practice my spanish with the locals and was happy to discover that all my study had not been in vain. Of course, as is the case with all new languages, the comprehension outpaces the spoken mastery, but I was able to make myself understood and caught at least 60-70%. It was uber satisfying. I will continue my studies in the aftermath, and have heard that the local YMCA will host spanish conversation classes this spring.

From the kitchen: Lent. Trying to cook food that is vegan and not totally boring while trying to retain the spirit of the fast (as in no lobster dinners, and not spending hours and hours and money and money on delicious delicious food). Oh, and juicing again, full time. I did a 3.5 day juice fast last week and while it was difficult, I did find that my taste buds and gut underwent a small transformation somehow. I'm off of coffee now (!!!!!) because it gives me a stomach ache :( Ah well. But juicing has been wonderful. I left mine behind when we moved and put off buying another one because they're CRAZY expensive!! So I finally got one a couple weeks ago and have at least two juices a day. An orange one in the morning (carrot, orange, ginger, cucumber) and a green one in the afternoon for a pick-me-up (kale, spinach, pineapple, celery). Energy energy energy!! I love it!!

I am wearing leggings, grey raglan dress by Tessa Hughes Apparel, a Canadian designer and seamstress based out of Vancouver. I'd really like to try and buy most if not all my clothing from Canadian companies. Her clothers are chic and crazy comfortable.

I am creating letters. I write letters. I mailed off seven letters yesterday after finding a bunch of cards in our office closet. I am starting to declutter and purge.. our sojourn here is ending in only a few more months!!! yaaaaa!!!)

"What shall pass from history into eternity? The human person with all its relations, such as friendship and love.” -Fr. Georges Florovsky.

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 00:13:00 +0000

we lost a friend this past week. well, I guess almost two weeks ago. she was the best. her life was an example of fearlessness and living large. someone asked me what I loved most about her. She never acted her age. she was kind and capricious and sharp all at once.
she was always ready with smile and laugh and a kick in the pants when you needed one.
I will not forget you friend, and how much you loved me. I aspire to your spirit of adventure. your loss is heavy. and I will give it the weight it deserves.
while remembering, with bright sadness, that in Christ, we are not lost. are never lost.

“Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.” — Clive Barker

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 11:57:00 +0000

we are in our third year in the maritimes. I love the maritimes. I wish the maritimes were not so far away from all the people I love best in the world. if it were closer, I would stay. because it's beautiful here, and cheaper, and slower and gentler. and one can be bilingual here. you can live entirely in french if you want to, and that's amazing outside of quebec. what's better is you can have either language almost any time you want. it's a funny little have-not province, but that part (being the only officially bilingual province in the union) is pretty awesome. and I'm going to miss that. we don't know where we're going to end up, but wherever it is, I hope there is some sort of, even a tiny, french community.

we have made some wonderful friends here, but most of them have scattered to the winds, leaving us feeling pretty lonely. every thing has a season they say. I suppose this is our season of loneliness. no self-pity here, just reality. even loneliness has a purpose that is never evident at the surface of things. so we trudge on. pray for us, if you be the praying kind.

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sat, 03 Oct 2015 01:33:00 +0000

I feel like, whenever I come to this blog that I'm surfacing from the submarine of my life. but in fact, the opposite is true. the medium has fallen by the wayside, which is a little sad, because I am so happy to read last years posts. it's like reading old diaries, but without the embarrassment :)
I've got pictures, but at the moment am too lazy to get up and search for (on an sd card somewhere).
in the meantime, thanks blogosphere, for being so constant.

“A photo says, you were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, you were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.” ― Jodi Picoult

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 21:50:00 +0000

i've been going through old photos on flickr lately, well, for that past week actually, and burning to discs the ones I feel I should probably officially archive (that is, print and put in photo albums). It seems crazy that it's taken me this long to do it. There's about 9 years worth of photos never printed! at the mercy of flickr's servers in california somewhere!! krikey!

so it was a long and tedious task, but definitely overdue. about 5000 photos downloaded and burned to discs. now to filter even further (I am NOT printing 5000 photos!). it was a real trip though, looking back. some photos are beautiful, some are simply history, and some by lucky chance get to be both.

it's a good life.

“They are also noticing cultural differences about how people live. For instance, the austerity of Scandinavian apartments. Or the way homes in southern Spain tend to be dark, with windows shut to the blistering sun. In Helsinki, Ms. Campbell said, “every house had a big boot scraper on the doorstep, so you knew bad things happen there in the winter.” ― Anonymous

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 19 Mar 2015 11:02:00 +0000

thursday morning. time to do a quick blog post. find a workout on fitnessblender. then to work. then a three day weekend!
we were planning a trip to Halifax for liturgy, but the weather may foil our plans. so a quiet weekend at home it is.
probably just as well. this endless winter is sapping our energy and some down time is in order.

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?” ― Haruki Murakami

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 00:08:00 +0000

William Carlos Williams,

If I when my wife is sleeping
and the baby and Kathleen
are sleeping
and the sun is a flame-white disc
in silken mists
above shining trees,--
if I in my north room
dance naked, grotesquely
before my mirror
waving my shirt round my head
and singing softly to myself:
"I am lonely, lonely.
I was born to be lonely,
I am best so!"
If I admire my arms, my face,
my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
again the yellow drawn shades,--

Who shall say I am not
the happy genius of my household?

that is all to say, I am alone tonight. And feeling a little lonely. Which, if you knew me, would think that odd, because introverts are rarely lonely. What others call "lonely", we call "life itself". I am fascinated by introversion. My batteries recharge when I am alone.
Anyway. So yes, I'm alone tonight. I got home in time to eat a quiet dinner of leftovers with K before his pager went off and he left to help a mother deliver herself of a babe. He was born to doctor.
What was I born to do? I was born to be free. (not being deep, it's the line of a song that just happens to be playing as these thoughts spill out.. Land of the Living, by Roo Panes, if you must know. good stuff).
oldest boy worked early, then came home briefly it appears and was gone again. I vaguely remember being twenty and burning the work/social life candle at both ends. Youngest just got his learner's licence and is really enjoying driving. He went to a basketball game this morning at the highschool and hasn't been seen since. The text message.. what's my curfew?
so here I sit blogging. Being here in the blogosphere always reminds me of how dependant I was on blogging for so long, and it makes me grateful, but it also makes me a little trepidatious, as it's a keen reminder of a very low and very dark and sad sad saaaaaaaad time in my life. I am as light as a feather now compared to those days, so these reminders aren't threatening so much as melancholy, because I feel like a different person, and that different person wishes she could go back and comfort sad victoria. I remember how sad she was, how lonely and at the end of her hope. she hung on though, who knows how. and here we are. but still, I remember her.

so yes, sitting here alone with in an echo-ey house. songza playing 'washed by the water' (an exquisitely beautiful playlist, if you have the chance). some Fredericton Picaroons by my side (Simeon Jones River Valley Amber Ale, to be exact).

more to come.

ps: photo is where I send and receive sustenance from my people who are waaaaay way over on the other side of the country. what are they doing there????

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” ― Lewis Carroll

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sun, 15 Feb 2015 18:57:00 +0000

winter winter winter. and hilarious vintage french textbooks.

“Anyone who thinks small towns are friendlier than big cities lives in a big city.” ― Richard Peck

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 12:24:00 +0000

This photo was taken in saint john, nb, a really ugly and unimpressive little town in southern nb. it looks pretty from the highway, especially at night, so I went and spent a weekend there when K had a course he was doing. mistake. so so boring. and not that pretty in the daylight. and it smells like pulp (on account of the pulp mill, I suppose). yeah, so, if in nb, skip this little town.

"Homesickness is not always a vague, nostalgic, almost beautiful emotion, although that is somehow the way we always seem to picture it in our mind. It can be a terribly keen blade, not just a sickness in metaphor but in fact as well. It can change the way one looks at the world; the faces one sees in the street look not just indifferent but ugly....perhaps even malignant. Homesickness is a real sickness- the ache of the uprooted plant.” ― Stephen King, The Breathing Method

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 00:17:00 +0000

so my camera is resurrected. and I'm trying to take more photos. it's still a heavy little bugger that's hard to take everywhere, but.. "...once was lost, now is found" and all that. these are the results. voila!

"What is the meaning of life? That was all- a simple question; one that tended to close in on one with years, the great revelation had never come. The great revelation perhaps never did come. Instead, there were little daily miracles, illuminations, matches struck unexpectedly in the dark” ― Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Fri, 06 Feb 2015 15:02:00 +0000

behold the culprit.

“He owned an expensive camera that required thought before you pressed the shutter, and I quickly became his favorite subject, round-faced, missing teeth, my thick bangs in need of a trim. They are still the pictures of myself I like best, for they convey that confidence of youth I no longer possess, especially in front of a camera.” ― Jhumpa Lahiri, Unaccustomed Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 05 Feb 2015 13:46:00 +0000

it's a thursday morning. and I have good news. MY CAMERA IS NOT DEAD!!! I had put a different lens on from an old pentax I found at the thrift store, and forgot. This morning I was inspecting what I thought was my old dead relic of a camera (barely five years old) and I was wondering what looked so strange about the lens. Then it hit me, and I remembered, and I raced to find the old camera who had switched lens with it and switched it back and HALLELUJAH! (apparently old lenses cause a camera to behave very differently than the new lenses.. they fit, but other than that, behave very differntly, messing up all sorts of settings). so anyway - *happydancinginmymessykitchen* that the above photo attests to. so today to celebrate, I might go to the camera store and buy a snazzy new filter for it, just to reward it for being so awesome and being not dead.

I have a day off today. I already cut my finger. so I must go to the store for rubber gloves that will make my hands smell like feet but many things require scrubbing today. it will be two days of scrubbing and tidying and sorting before the weekend when I start an eight day work streak. blah. but it will be so wonderful to have the house in order again.

the weather was calling for another "snow storm" today. I'm learning that what constitutes a snow storm around here is much milder than the imagination evokes. It basically means "it's gonna snow a lot". And it did. But the roads were ok. Lots of compact snow, but if you've got winter tires and drive 10-15 below the speed limit, you're fine.

in the reading room: just finished Merle's Door: Lessons From A Freethinking Dog, by Ted Kerasote. Just started last night: Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight: An African Childhood by Alexandra Fuller. Pretty absorbing. If you've read The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls, or Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, you get the idea. Memoirs are becoming one of my favourite genres. I'm also reading (audiobooks at work) My Life With the Saints, by James Martin SJ, a jesuit priest-monk, and Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeons Into the Afterlife, by Eban Alexander MD. All memoirs. (I've already told you about Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by FrGregory Boyle, and no doubt you all rushed out and got an audiobook because remember I told you that it was amazing? remember?) Anyway... I think the first memoir I read was one about Rose Kennedy, mother of JFK, in gr.10, where I spent a lot of time in the library. I know, weird choice, but I was a weird kid, and a bookworm who would read almost anything. Which reminds me, you know what book I found in my highschool library back then? The Late Great Planet Earth, by Hal Lindsey!! Seriously! (only former charismatics will appreciate the absurdity of this, I mean c'mon, a highschool library?? I suppose we were in the middle of the bible belt. hm). See, I told you I'd read anything.

I bought a ukulele and I actually did a couple lessons the other day via youtube. I like the sound of the ukulele. so unpretentious. it's such a likable instrument. it does not intimidate. it invites. I also bought a couple knitting needles and some pretty yarn at the thrift store the other day, and found this super cute youtube tutorial this morning. knitting or ukulele will be my reward after the job is done. I already wrote some letters last night. so now I'm just waiting for the replies (hint hint)

so, the songza playlist that will propel me through this day of duties has been selected, and I must get some momentum behind me!

*snort* - "rock me amadeus" just came on :D

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sun, 01 Feb 2015 16:11:00 +0000

Outside my window the snow is piled high from shoveling. the sky is blue blue blue. the wind is blowing. all is well.

I am thinking of how wonderful it is to have one's house to oneself again. we had an impromptu houseguest for the past six weeks. one of boy's friends (18yrsold) was kicked out of the house just before christmas. a raw deal. so of course we weren't going to boot him to the curb. he stayed to finish out the semester and flew out west to live with his mom JUST this morning. it was starting to feel very strained for all of us, so his leaving is cause for a celebratory breakfast this a.m. Not that he was a bad kid. He wasn't. He was a typical 18yr old boy. But an extra person in the house for that long made all of us feel squeezed. So we are all feeling some relief this morning, like having had tight shoes on for too long.

I am thankful for all the stuff I just mentioned above.

From the learning rooms: language learning has taken a haitus. no brain space. but I've been reading tons. Currently finishing A Jane Austen Education, which is very absorbing.

From the kitchen: I smell bacon. youngest is making his world famous pancakes (or at least 'this-household' famous.. good enough). eggs over easy. another cuppa coffee. it feels like a morning of liberation, so we will say morning prayers (it being sunday after all) and enjoy each other's company over some good breakfast eats.

I am wearing jeans. plaid. birks. in other words: comfort.

I am creating letters letters letters. I've been writing lots of letters lately. my only creative outlet. and for the past month, also an outlet for vexation that needed to be contained on the outside.

We have three kinds of family. Those we are born to, those who are born to us, and those we let into our hearts.” ― Sherrilyn Kenyon

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 15:44:00 +0000

been strolling down memory lane this morning. another morning to myself before I go to work. jonah is off today, and promptly followed breakfast with a nap. oh the ease and luxury of youth. hate that job? then quit! somebody else is paying the bills! ha. jk. he's actually working his butt of right now, so I cannot criticize his work ethic.

my house is still a mess mess mess. I have some stamps I cannot find that I need to finish some letters. my closet isn't big enough. the bathroom needs a good scrub. clean socks are getting hard to come by. my daily planner has gone missing as well. the front door area has become overwhelmed with boots and shoes. and it's a cold sunshiney day. I'll tackle one thing today, then get myself off to work. ciao peeps.

Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace. ― Frederick Buechner

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 22 Jan 2015 14:13:00 +0000

rambly post on a rambly day.

so. I work 1-9 today. which gives me the morning off. which tells me I have time for some of the things I've been telling myself 'I don't have time for', which is always a lie. whenever I hear somebody say these words, I hear the truth: "I am choosing to not give any time to ___________", be it a person, a task, etc. This is truth. Housecleaning. I love a clean house. Who doesn't? I feel great injustice at having to give any of my free time (which admittedly, is scarce these days) to the drudgery of housework. Great injustice. Woe is me. I am so woe. But the maid quit years ago and shows no signs of returning, so.. SIGH! I will devote some of my precious spare time today to cleaning. It will feel better. And part of it is of course an issue of self respect. (you are witnessing my own pep-talking)

I may write some more letters today. I have gotten back into letter writing. I like it. It's a rarified form of communication. It's on the list of "awesome things", getting a real letter in the mail. It should be classified as "SO awesome".

another thing on the list of "I have no time" lies is working out. I have not gotten back into the swing of it since the summer. Which is so long! Not that I haven't been working out, but it's been sporadic and half-hearted and it falls by the wayside SO easily. No excuses today. Decide a thing and just do it! right?

you know one strange development, I think maybe the combined product of our move here, me getting older, quitting a job I hated, is that I've become much more of an extrovert than possibly ever before in my life, and K is becoming more introverted. I'm using the definition of what you find rejuvinating: extroverts being energized by the people around them, and introverts being slowly drained by too much company. It's unexpected. And strange.

drinking earl grey tea and blogging. not a bad way to start the day. picture above is one of the best people I know. during camp, which will ever remain on the short list of "those were the best days of my life".

“Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.” ― Marc Riboud

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 13:30:00 +0000

sigh.

“Now more than ever do I realize that I will never be content with a sedentary life, that I will always be haunted by thoughts of a sun-drenched elsewhere.” – Isabelle Eberhardt

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 00:06:00 +0000

(photo by artanas sutkus)

it's winter and very cold here. very. which doesn't bother me much as long as there's snow. cold with purpose. and sun. esPECially sun. sun sun sun!! I come alive in the sunshine.

life is good. we plod along. the boys are making their plans for the future, as are we.

we just got back from a tropical vacation, which was lovely. it was the kind of travel that is very pre-packaged, and like all things pre-packaged, convenient and cheap(ish), easy and quick. and very much not the kind of travel we want to do a lot more of. it was simply expedient. in a perfect world, I would have gone to Havana, Cuba for a month or two to practice my spanish. stay in a shabby hotel, take breakfast in the hotel cafe and smoke cheap cigarettes. wander town and take a kajillion photos.

I've been working a lot lately. I'm managing a small retail store. not at all my dream job, but I like the people I work with, and it's paying the bills and then some. It just allows me no time for the things I really enjoy. I bought a ukulele I keep meaning to pick up. There are dance lessons in town at the lion's club hall offered every night of the week almost. I've got a shelf full of books I want to read. I've got more t-shirts to make, more letters to write, more photos to print, more bread to bake, more languages to learn. There is not enough time when you're a simple work-a-day-joe. whine whine.

I'm not complaining... ok, yes I am. wah wah wah!!!

it's our second year here and we are reaching our limit. the blogosphere seems to be an indicator of my discontent. when I am perfectly content, I am nowhere to be found. when discontent starts to bubble, voila! she reappears!

daylight lamp. I need to remember to get it out. my energy is totally zapped these days. vitamin D and fish oil, and my smoothies. no more comfort food and beer. well, at least less...

so. yeah. that's all.

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:19:00 +0000

“If you tell me Christian commitment is a kind of thing that has happened to you once and for all like some kind of spiritual plastic surgery, I say go to, go to, you're either pulling the wool over your own eyes or trying to pull it over mine. Every morning you should wake up in your bed and ask yourself: "Can I believe it all again today?" No, better still, don't ask it till after you've read The New York Times, till after you've studied that daily record of the world's brokenness and corruption, which should always stand side by side with your Bible. Then ask yourself if you can believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ again for that particular day. If your answer's always Yes, then you probably don't know what believing means. At least five times out of ten the answer should be No because the No is as important as the Yes, maybe more so. The No is what proves you're human in case you should ever doubt it. And then if some morning the answer happens to be really Yes, it should be a Yes that's choked with confession and tears and. . . great laughter.”

― Frederick Buechner

“There's a notion I'd like to see buried: the ordinary person. Ridiculous. There is no ordinary person.” ― Alan Moore, Watchmen

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sun, 11 Jan 2015 14:11:00 +0000

Tattoos on the Heart

awesomefascinatingincrediblemarvelousprodigiousshockingstunningsurprisingunbelievable

I had to go to thesaurus.com to find words to describe this book, and sadly, all of these superlatives make it sound like a ride at the fair. I wish I had words to tell you about this book. But I don't, so I won't try. If you want to read it, I suggest doing what we did, and listen to it. It is self-read by the author and I don't think text on the page will be as profound. Just pm me if you want an audio version and I will burn it and mail it to you.

what a year for a new year

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 20:55:00 +0000

I keep not posting because I think, "I need a good photo first", but alas, my camera is kaput. Not sure what's wrong with it, but in all honesty, I left it for dead some months ago. Briefly, it was resurrected for some wedding photos, photos that I was inevitably disappointed with. alas. the fault of the tool or the crafter? both? who knows.
I am researching new cameras. sometimes there is too much choice. and anyway, right now that research is just so many wishes. the moolah being not forthcoming (unless we give up groceries for a few months). but my phone, thanks be to samsung, has a really really good camera on it that I use often. and instagram is your friend.
so what's new in 2015? not much so far. everything is closed, so I don't have to work today. which is nice. It was sunny today and colder than a witches titty. (that was fun to say:)..did I grow up hearing that, or did I read it somewhere?..hm..)
We spent new years eve with a family we met here last year. We had such a good time. It was a little unexpected, because this year, much more so than last year, I am feeling quite bereft of my people. we skype with them and that is a comfort, but at the end of the day, it's really not the same. It's like substituting multivitamins for real meals. blah.
We are soon coming to the end of this .. I was going to say "sentence"..ha! how dire! No, more like pilgrimmage, or quest, or ordeal, or ..just journey, I suppose. It has been unbelievably long. And it did /not/ feel like it went fast. 10 years. 10 years!!! can you believe it? Crazy kids. What gave us the audacity to think we could do this? How did we manage? I'm not sure. There are a million things we both would have done differently, in hindsight, but it's already said and done. And regret is a useless thing, right?

So my blogg friends. Let us venture forth into 2015 fearlessly!

xx

victoria

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever."
— Neil Gaiman

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof. — Barbara Kingsolver

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Mon, 22 Sep 2014 00:53:00 +0000

I've been reading back on this blog and really appreciating the chronicle that I've left here. And it makes me sad that I didn't keep it up last year. It was a good year. A hard year, very very hard year, in a lot of ways, but also so full of unexpected gifts.
This trip back to BC this summer was bittersweet. And it closed a door. We didn't expect that. Sort of like a slow dying. That sounds melodramatic, but I don't mean it to. I always get my ass kicked in BC. My feelings for the place of my birth and wasted youth are so so mixed. So, we move on.
We had hikes, we had a wedding, we had backporch bbq's and beers, we had camping, we had swimming, we had paddleboarding, we had fishing, we had fish-smoking. But when it was time to come home, we were so so relieved. Can you understand what it is like to call two places home? Not unless you have had to, I think.
En tous cas. We continue here, in gratitude.

more to come.

I promise.

xo

“When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms." -Mary Oliver

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 04:17:00 +0000

gosh, I hardly remember how to do this.

blogger motor memory kicking in. krikey. this online journaling, with a scarce audience.. it's valuable, yes? maybe. I read back over past years and marvel, and sometimes cringe. c'est la vie.

too much to tell in too little space.

suffice it to say.. we are well.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ― Mary Oliver

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sat, 25 Jan 2014 15:31:00 +0000

Outside my window it is snowing. tiny blowing flakes, which tell me that it most definitely is extrememly frigid outside. but I don't mind. it was raining last week. gross. I will take almost almost ANYTHING over rain. is my total abhorrence of rain unhealthy...?

I am thinking about the future. we are so close to the end. it feels like a marathon coming to the end, and just like a marathon, is mixed with feelings of almost-relief, mixed with some fear (of will I actually make it to the finish line? will something happen to prevent that? can I hold out?). but mostly hope and anticipation. I can see a new chapter on the horizon, and oddly, it is making me enjoy and appreciate the present in an even deeper way. People say 'live in the present! only the present!', but that's not possible for anyone. Hope is all about the future. If there were no future, hope would be a useless sentiment. So we hope, and we are thankful, and we live in the 'now'. Those who have no hope for the future have no power for the present. I can't remember where I heard that, but it rings true for me.

I am thankful for this city. this town. the friends we've made. how happy my boys are. how their hearts are full of new hope. how our dog has found a new family that is utterly devoted to him. how he is helping them through a rough time in their lives. for our new church family. for all the french here.

From the learning rooms: french french french!! my course has started again, and it's a smaller class this time, with students on a more equal level of ability, so I'm really excited about this semester. K is also doing a french class that the hospital offers free to their employees. lucky.

From the kitchen: sourdough, although I've been neglecting it lately. craziest thing though, we've got a small part of the loaf leftover from almost two weeks ago, and it's quite hard of course (even in the ziplock.. sourdough is a sturdy bread from the start), but - get this - not a spot of mould. not a hint of an odour of mold. it's crazy. I remember reading that sourdough kept longer than regular bread, but this is ridiculous! I must make more sourdough today. and maybe some regular bread too, for sandwiches. oh, one more note on food before I finish with this part: we had dinner at a friend's place last night, a Persian couple (they're always talking about their Persian-ness :) and it was the most amazing food! Coolest part though was the platter serving. A brilliant idea actually, everything goes on a large platter that sits in the middle of table between everyboyd so that everything is accessible. It also makes the meal feel much more communal, it's cool. Speaking of which (then I promise I'll move on..) we had a Vietnamese meal a couple weeks ago with another friend, called Vietnamese hotpot. It's something he grew up eating. It was amazing. I won't go into anymore detail other than to let you go here if you wanna know more.

I am wearing a big fluffy bathrobe that I mostly live in in the mornings. just showered, the three of us just finished doing this.

I am creating cross-stitch! surprised? you should be. I'm so not a cross-stitch person. Don't worry. It's not what you think.. you'll see. I bought an embroidery hoop and some fabric and thread. maybe I'll post the results when I'm finished a project. and photos, of course. always with the photos.

and we'll hate what we've lost but we'll love what we find...

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Sat, 25 Jan 2014 14:49:00 +0000

“Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.” ― Edgar Allan Poe

noreply@blogger.com (Victoria) — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 00:52:00 +0000

this playlist is warming my soul tonight. the snow and low low temperatures are back with a vengeance. school was cancelled for the boys today, which is a bit of a pain, since it's exam week. added stress.
K is on call again. gone all night. I will do some french. early bedtimes. it is winter. we hibernate as much as possible. plane tickets for a trip home this summer. so that's exciting. nowhere to stay really, as of yet. pray for us, will you? that this works itself out as well.
this photo was taken at our home parish in Halifax this past weekend. Two ordinations. The Bishop came. There was a feast, and visiting, and getting-to-know-you's, and such. So many blessings. We are full of thanks.
strange to talk of 'home' when home feels like exactly where we are. life is strange. and hard. and blessed.
bonne nuit. à la prochaine!