I was over a friend’s house for his birthday. Actually it was his Mom’s house as he was unemployed and back living at his parents’ house. When I showed up, I was surprised to see that he had a new girlfriend who I had never seen before. He introduced her and said she was new to the area and was foreign. She was an odd girl, didn’t say much and what she said wasn’t in English. Mostly she talked fast in some langauge I couldn’t place and she kept jumping on him and smooching him. Then at one point she jumped on him when he wasn’t prepared for it and he toppled over, dropped her on the kitchen table. When she hit the kitchen table she smooshed — I mean her whole body hit like a heavy wet sponge! She just laid there not moving and her body didn’t look right like it had lost some of it’s shape. Weirder, every time I looked at her I had flashing visions of pink frosting. My friend then sat down and looked over at his mom with a look like he was sorry. The room was quiet and no one had yet said a word. Suddenly, his girlfriend jerked up from the table in queasy motion like her bones were more flexible then they should be. She looked up at her boyfriend and leaned over to kiss him. He didn’t move. In fact he looked confused and horrified. Right before she touched his lips, she started vomiting, huge wet chunks of what looked like birthday cake and pink frosting and milk shot out of her mouth all over him. Everyone yelled and quickly scrambled back except for him. He just sat slackjawed and kept glancing at his girlfriend and then at his mother. His mother in turn looked on in horror saying over and over “I don’t know! I don’t know!” The girl grabbed the carton of milk on the table, took a huge swig, and immediately vomited again with more cake coming up. It was then I realised that no one had eaten any cake and I hadn’t even seen a birthday cake; in fact, I hadn’t seen her eat anything! Nevertheless, she kept vomiting up cake and every time she did her whole body would shudder violently and she seemed deflate, like she was a balloon with the air getting let out. Instinctually, I began backing away in horror and as I did I noticed that his mom was hurriedly chanting something. She had an old book in her hands that she was frantically looking through like she needed to find the right page. The book looked ancient and had what looked like recipes in it like an antideluvian cookbook. Everything snapped into place in my head at that point and I saw his ‘girlfriend’ for what she really was, a birthday cake golem that his mom had magickally animated to life. His ‘girlfriend’, the cake golem, had stopped vomiting and got up from the table. She looked visibly thinner now in an inhuman way leaving her body ever so slightly uneven and misshapen. She looked around the room with a ravenous grin that I looked more hungry than seductive. His mother seemed to have found her page in the old book and began chanting louder. My visions of pink frosting were stronger now more than ever now that I know what she was. I turned and ran just as the ‘birthday cake girl’ launched herself at my friend, her supposed ‘boyfriend’, mouth open like she was about to gnaw his face off! The birthday cake golem had lost most its animating life force and obviously needed more. Driven by this hunger it went for the closest life it could find. I ran as screams echoed from the house.

12am — Cheers erupt from all the artists as the last AWF show ends for the downstairs vault level of the Mint

1am — Upstairs show is finished with exhausted happy smiles

2am — Wonderful little surprise after-party

6am — drive my girlfriend Tess Aquarium to the airport and wish her goodbye for a month, then drive back to catch a couple hours of sleep

11am — arrive at the Mint for breakdown and watch with heavy heart as all the creative magic disappears

5pm — hop in the truck cab with Chicken John and Joseph Hren to help manage delivering all the wonderfully ridiculous art back to its creators

12am — in bed which was very noticeably absent my favorite mermaid.

Such a bittersweet day. It’s been an overwhelmingly wonderfully intense several months on several levels, and it all came grinding to a halt with such fierce momentum. Heavy, but a heaviness I will cherish as it’s seldom that life gifts such amazing contrasting emotions all in one 24hr period. Also, I walk forward knowing this yielding is only temporary. Tess will be back before I know it and the Art… well you know I can’t stop making Art happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As an addendum… one of my favorite moments from the All Worlds Fair was when someone accidentally spilled black & white paint right by the entrance, 15min before opening of the first show. Me rushing to help clean it up while wearing my white tuxedo. Chicken walking up saying “You got to be fucking kidding me!” And then once it was cleaned, out of nowhere the Emperor Norton himself stepped up and cleaned the paint off my shoes. You couldn’t create a more ridiculous catastrophe better if you planned it. Seriously that was Art.

GASTRONOMIC ADVENTURES
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Doors 7:30 p.m. Show at 8 p.m.
The Jellyfish Gallery, 1286 Folsom St., in SF
Admission is $10

*********
This month’s theme explores the wonderful world of food … aaand things that maybe shouldn’t be food, but somehow find their way to the dinner table. Whether it’s fantastic gastronomic experiences or the eating of things that one really shouldn’t, we’re leaving this theme open to interpretation. This will certainly make for an entertaining night of storytelling. Come hungry, or … not.

For posterity’s sake and because it makes me laugh, here’s my bio that I submitted to Fireside for the evening:

Colin is a designer, developer, medical illustrator, artist, lover of tomfoolery, and aficionado of anything brewing with mirth trouble. He is known for promoting the joy of diminutive creativity and 1/16th scale pyrotechnic destruction. Also, he gets great pleasure in having convinced people that wearing heavy scratchy dapper wool attire while cycling is both fashionable and sane. In the main, all his creative output is dedicated toward continuing the Fahrion family tradition of being kinda sorta famous with little monetary rewards to show for it like his wonderful and talented mother, the inventor of Strawberry Shortcake.

Relately, I’ve been on a autodidatic learning binge lately with mobile first responsive design. I’m also currently developing a new front end framework and boilerplate for my webdev work that incorporates the new best practices of mobile responsive design and uses Less CSS (or SASS) as it’s basis. There are of course tons of frameworks out there but I find most are bogged down with unnecessary crud which is hell for page weight — an issue that has become important again in this mobile web era.

Over the next few months, I will likely be writing about and responsive design tips and tricks. Also, expect this site is going to get a huge overhaul soon.

I’ll leave you with this…

The best fix I have figured out for the annoying iOS zoom orientation bug: https://github.com/catcubed/ios-zoom-bug-fix

Still something felt missing for me that I couldn’t put my finger on at first. Few if any of the songs off of “Eureka” pulled me in as some of their prior songs have. One of my favorite aspects of Mother Mother has always been their visually rich lyrics full of metaphors and stories and it wasn’t until my second listen that I realized “Eureka” was missing this. Their older songs like “Hay Loft” and “Neighbour” plainly lay out a story, and songs like “Train of Thought” and “Wrecking Ball” very effectively use visual metaphors to suck you in. The “Eureka” album has a few songs that still have this quality, namely “Carve a Name,” “Baby Don’t Dance,” and “In The Wings.” However, if you are like me and like your music to tickle your visual cortex and also occasionally engage you with a story then you may find this album somewhat disappointing.

Also, overall I feel the album is too studio. There are a number of songs that could use an injection of the raw energy they put into their live shows. The album version of “The Stand” is emotionally flaccid in comparison to when I heard it live during their recent appearance at the Rickshaw Stop. Live you could really hear the frustration and disgust in the chorus line: “I can hardly stand the sight of it all.” Whereas, on the album it just sounds cute and a little funny. The track “Aspiring Fires” is especially bad in this regard. For a song about being so crazy that people “run for their life” it feels rather tame without even a hint of malice hiding in the nooks and crannies. There are exceptions to this such as the song “Problems” where all three singers belt out the chorus line like a fist: “I’ve got problems! Not just ones that are little.”

That said it can be hard to capture that energy in the studio and many of their older songs are also better live. They put on a great show as the band has an excellent charisma that really shines through on stage and they are rock’n booty shaking fun.

But don’t take my word for it. You can listen to the album in it’s entirety streamed below via Soundcloud. Or just buy it. The digital version of “Eureka” is currently only $7.99 on iTunes (while Amazon has it only for $5.99, their version is missing  the bonus tracks which I think are some the best songs). I may be critical of the album but there are enough fun rocking catchy songs on there that it’s worth having and they are a great group that I feel are worth your hard earned cash — especially at that price.

Mother Mother – Eureka by RS MARKETING

What’s the plan? What’s the plan? Just go! Grab a tree and attempt to make it through—everyone at once and everyone for themselves. Some went straight, others zigzaged through the darkened streets. Left here, a right there, a few more blocks north hauling our post yule sacrifices avoiding the flashing lights. Then when the coast was clear hurriedly crossing the street and down to the beach.

A fire could be seen already underway to the south, but it was already thoroughly busted; so a second yule fire was lit where we stood. As it lit, a third fire could be seen sparking up further north on the beach by another rogue band of revelers. Those from the first fire came strolling to our fire looking for more Post Yule Time cheer. A couple more trees made it to the fire and there was brief lovely respite from authority who were too spread thin to even bother.

The fire died down, the last embers being shoveled over silently by a couple officers. The crowd dispersed, walking away from the beach, past the line of police cars. Sad looking lonely unburnt trees lay dropped everywhere, but it did nothing to dampen the cheerful mood. And so ended the 22nd annual Post Yule Pyre.

Post Yule Pyre (image by y3rdua)

* Up until 2006 it was legal to have bonfires on the beach. Since the ban went into place, they have steadily increased the police presence trying to stop the Post Yule Pyre tradition. As a result, Instead of one bonfire to clean up after there are several, not to mention the numerous dropped trees that lay scattered everywhere. The irony is if the authorities even quasi-sanctioned the event and didn’t chase people away, it is the type of crowd that wouldn’t be difficult to get enough volunteers clean it up.

Brandied Ginger Orange Cranberry Sauce

• 4 oranges (used to create fresh orange zest and juice)
• 1½ tablespoons of grated fresh ginger*
• 4 cups water
• ¼ cup of brown suger
• 3½ cups white sugar
• 2 tablespoona lemon juice
• 6 cups cranberries
• ¼ cup brandy*
• ½ teaspoon each of cinnamon, nutmeg, and ground clove*
• optional: ½ cup ground pecans (add during step 5)

*measurements for ginger, brandy, and spices used in step 5 are best guesses. I recommend adding slowly and tasting as you go.

1. Using a fine grater, grate the outside of the oranges to make fresh orange zest. Grate ginger. Squeeze the oranges to create orange juice.
2. Combine in a small pan 4 cups of water, all the orange zest, and 1 tablespoon of grated ginger. Cover and bring to boil; reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Using a strainer separate the liquid from the orange zest/ginger mix, keeping both.
3. Using the same pan, combine 2/3 cups of the reserved liquid with 1/4 cup of the orange zest/ginger mix (you can toss the rest). Add both brown and white sugar, 1 1/3 cups of orange juice, and 2 tablespoons of lemon juice. Bring to boil; reduce heat and simmer for 3 minutes uncovered, stirring often (watch as it can easily over-boil!).
4. Add cranberries; increase heat to medium-high and boil for about 10 minutes or until the cranberries have popped and a small spoonful of sauce sets on a cold plate.
5. Remove from heat, stir in ½ tablespoon of grated fresh ginger, 1/4 cup of brandy, and then cinnamon, nutmeg, and ground clove to taste.*
6. The sauce can be jarred sealed and stored for up to two weeks in a refrigerator.

Makes about 5 cups of cranberry sauce. Yes it’s a lot but I like cranberry sauce! To make less, half all ingredients except for during steps 1 & 2: Combine 3 oranges worth of orange zest and 3/4 tablespoon of grated ginger with 2 cups of water. Drain and reserve 1/3rd cup of liquid and about 1/6 cup of orange zest/ginger mix.

If you feel strongly about this you need to protest now and write your representatives now when the media spectacle is high or else the WBI scanning will become mandatory like it is in the UK now and it will be hard if not impossible to go back. It’s important to note that if the WBI becomes mandatory you may still be required to receive the enhanced pat-down if they think they spot something on the scanner (a stray item in your pocket, strange clothing, etc.)

As I see it we have two choices:

1. We allow these new enhanced security requirements to stay in place in exchange for a small safety advantage.
2. Or we protest this trampling of our 4th amendment rights and accept that there is a remote but possible chance of death by underwear bomb.

Option 1 comes with a whole sort of problems including:

• The Whole Body Imaging (WBI) virtual strip search (which will likely be made mandatory as it is in the UK if we don’t protest this) which is uncomfortable for some with sexual trauma.There are also some possible minor detrimental health effects with backscatter x-rays.
• The enhanced groping style pat-down, which is required if they see anything on the WBI. This is definitely uncomfortable for people with sexual trauma; depending on how strong of a panic reaction they get they’ll either never be able to fly again or they’ll be able to get through it in an Ativan haze.
• Worse lines at airports (the WBI take longer than the metal detectors and the pat-downs take even longer)
• Higher infrastructure costs to pay for the technology and private screening rooms
• underwear bombs being replaced by clever luggage bombs, butt plug bombs, tampon bombs, or fat guy bombs covered by rolls of flesh.
• Allowing more of our 4th amendment and privacy rights to be handed over to Homeland security in the guise of safety.

In contrast, option 2 only comes with one problem:

• A possible successful underwear bomber.

For me the choice is pretty clear. I don’t want to be treated like a prison inmate every time I fly, nor do I want others to especially those for whom it would be a traumatic experience, and for this I’m willing to risk the small possibility of an underwear bomber being on my flight. In any case, I don’t see this as an increased risk of being blown up since anyone willing to fill their underwear with PETN would also be willing to fill a butt plug with it (actually that may be a better way to pack it) which the WBI won’t spot unless they have no ass.

I make this decision for the same reason I choose to bicycle even though it is potentially more dangerous than driving. For the same reason I eat sushi. For the same reason I recreationally shoot firearms and fireworks. For the same reason I do a lot of things.

This is an important security announcement for anyone who uses your laptop/iPad at coffee shops and other places with open wifi networks to surf the web.

If you are on an open wifi network and use a website that does not use https your login can be easily hijacked by anyone on the same wifi network.

What this means:

If you sit down at a coffee shop and use Facebook, Facebook sends a cookie (a bit of info identifying you as you). A nefarious person at the same coffee shop can snatch this cookie using a new hacker tool called Firesheep and immediately hijack your session pretending to be you on Facebook. Once they have access to your Facebook they can easily get the password, which is why it is recommended not to use the same password for all websites. Firesheep also works for any website that does not use https for login like Twitter, Amazon, yahoo, etc.

• Wifi Networks that are NOT secure: any open wifi that does not use a password, this includes networks that only use a browser password like many coffee shop wifi networks
• Wifi Networks that are secure: any WEP/WPA encrypted network.
• Sites that are NOT secure: any site that uses only http can be hijacked (Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Flickr, Amazon, Yahoo, Yelp, Windows Live, NY Times, CNET, etc.)
• Sites that are secure: sites that use https encryption for everything are safe from being hijacked (bank and credit card sites, paypal, gmail*, ebay).

*Gmail may not be secure even with HTTPS. I’ve been told that it leaks the cookies possibly due to chat.

Open wifi networks have always been unsecure in this way but there hasn’t been a tool this easy to use before. The new tool Firesheep is so simple an 8 year old can hack your account. It should be noted that even WEP/WPA networks are not truly secure but they are at least secure from Firesheep (WPA2 Enterprise is a better solution).

How to be safe from being hijacked:

Obviously avoiding open wifi networks protects from all this, but if you are on a open wifi there are other ways:

1. The best solution is to use VPN. Firesheep cannot hijack your session if you are using VPN! This creates a secure tunnel to the web which goes through the UCSF network and works regardless of what browser you are using. It also protects all your traffic including email/etc.
2. Another solution is to force https encryption on sites using a browser plugin: this only works for Chrome and Firefox and while effective this breaks aspects of some sites such as Facebook’s chat, and Google maps. Also it is not always secure either as Facebook sends a lot of stuff unsecurely even if you force https.
   1. Chrome browser plugin KB SSL Enforcer download here
   2. Firefox browser plugin HTTPS Everywhere https-everywhere
3. Another solution is to use a SOCKS Proxy and SSH tunnel, which  is too geektastically complicated to go into here.

Reference:

• firesheep-will-permanently-scare-you-from-hotspots
• even-forced-ssl-is-broken-for-facebook-google-twitter
• new_tool_automates_webmail (this news article says it works on gmail. This is wrong.)
• firesheep-in-wolves-clothing
• five-ways-to-shear-firesheep
• how-to-guard-yourself-and-your-mac-from-firesheep