I've written about how I've recently gone through an unusually difficult period for me. Depression (check), doubt (check), despair (check). Lots and lots of people struggle with the exact same feelings, yet, like sex and sexuality, we aren't supposed to talk about it. Normally I am a pretty resilient person, but it was this particular trifecta of emotions that set me up for a perfect shit storm. 

I was raised in a very proper way, but I have always had a duality to me that has been hard for me to reconcile. My father is a very quite, well mannered, highly intelligent American born Japanese American doctor. My late mother was a gregarious person who was also highly intelligent (she had a photographic memory), yet she was a bit unruly and inappropriate.

Basically when I was growing up I was was guided by principles that were not always congruent. My father believed that children should be seen and not heard, and that you should not rock the boat. This totally made sense to me once I was old enough to find out that my dad and his entire family was interned during the war. On the other hand, there was my mother who believed that you should always stand up for yourself.

One part of me has always longed to fit in, be accepted, and be liked. Another part of me has always been unruly and sometimes I barely care what or how people think about me. In other words, my usual interactions with people include a lot of me telling them or thinking they can "suck it". I now see that this pattern has weaved in and out of my adult life. 

I totally admit that it is fucked up for me to occasionally get caught up on being liked. Why? I have never truly enjoyed the company of people who are universally liked. I never got the the sense that well liked people were authentic because they were trying too dang hard to keep up the status quo. But worse, I often said to myself "...god damn, can this person really be that great? And if so, they certainly don't need me to like them or be their friend so, guess what fucker, I won't." 

As a sexuality educator I have, at times, felt extreme pressure to fit in with other people who do what I do. This includes using terminology that is inclusive to the point of being exclusive. When I first became a sex educator I had the most amazing feeling of belonging somewhere. My personality and dirty mouth has always been a challenge for me when I worked my previous jobs. I always felt like people only got to see the outer shell (i.e. appropriate) of who I am. Let me put it this way, the concept of "sugar coating" my words is beyond the grasp of my understanding. I know no other way to be besides blunt. That's why initially working in the field of sexuality felt like freedom to me. 

My feelings are that working in the sexuality field comes with some unwritten "standards and practices". And for too long I have allowed myself to get stuck on the political part of my job. I'm guessing that is a direct result of me being brought up to act appropriately. But what I really love about myself is that I am utterly not appropriate.

My "Aha!" moment was this--people began to respond favorably to me when I was being my most authentic self. Not a proper, total politically correct version of myself. In fact, the response was not only immediate but the numbers alone were staggering.

I am a wonderful, flawed, yet perfect combination of many things. I no longer feel like I have to be one or the other. I am equally professional and unruly. I am both compassionate and ball busting. I am feminine yet think more like a man. I want to be liked but would prefer to be respected. And one of the most powerful realizations for me has been my best friends telling me matter-of-factly that they have never fit in anywhere either. Incidentially, I happen to have some of the most amaze-balls, intelligent, hilarious, and all around kick ass friends on the planet. 

Figuring out who you are can be a life long journey. I feel like I have always known who I am deep down, but was never secure enough to be myself full time. In fact writing this particular post feels a little too personal and too honest. But if you think about it, it is 100% Catherine. 

p.s. If you don't like it, then suck it!

I am someone who is constantly trying to expand my knowledge when it comes to sex and sexuality. I decided to throw myself into finding out as much info on how MS affects sexuality. I quickly found out that there is not a whole heck of a lot of information available. Curiously enough, the best resources on MS and sexuality come from the MS Society in Canada. I'm also gonna brag here and say I've presented this workshop for 2 of the finest medical hospitals around, Stanford and UCSF. 

What I have learned is that MS is one of the most common diseases that affects the central nervous system. Our nervous system is made up of a complex system of nerve fibers that are surrounded by a protective sheath called myelin. MS occurs when the protective sheath (myelin) becomes damaged and communication between the brain and the rest of your body become obstructed. Lesions can form on the spinal cord which can result in non-reversible deterioration of the nerves. 

Studies show that between 40% and 80% of people with MS experience significant sexuality issues, and it is higher than other chronic illnesses. Sometimes this means that people have to redefine what sex means to them. It can also make people with MS incredibly creative when it comes to how they have sex. Make no mistake, people with MS can experience fantastic and satisfying sex lives. 

There are 3 distinct categories when it comes to MS and sexual dysfunction. 

Primary sexual dysfunction:

• When lesions on the spinal cord impair and interfere the nerves between the brain and genitalia. Common side effects are altered genital sensations, decrease in intensity of orgasms, erectile dysfunction, decreased vaginal lubrication and engorgement, and decrease in pelvic muscle tone.

Secondary sexual dysfunction:

• This is when sexual dysfunction occurs as a result of MS symptoms or the medications that are used to treat MS. Common side effects are fatigue, spasticity, bladder/bowel disturbances, sensory changes of genitals that can cause numbness or severe pain, decreased levels of sexual excitement, and tremors.

Tertiary sexual dysfunction:

• This is when the psycho-social and cultural feelings and beliefs of having MS affects sexuality. Common side effects are lowered body image, grief, anxiety, depression, feeling like your body has betrayed you or feeling disconnected from your body, and feeling like you rarely have control of your body since MS can be so unpredictable. 

It can be pretty freaking hard to feel sexual with all this stuff going on. Hell, I'm able bodied and can tend to feel non sexual and have had lots of experience with low desire. Having MS can be extremely frustrating because of the fact that it is so unpredictable. This is hugely challenging when it comes to sexual activity. 

Here are a few of my personal tips for enhancing your sexual life with MS. 

• Redefine what sex means to you. Yeah, I can see how you might be scratching your head at this. Most people believe that the only way to have sex is to have penetration and end with ejaculation and orgasm. But boy oh boy, sex can be so much more than the act of penetration. 
  

1. Give yourself permission to find pleasure in your body
2. Allow yourself to feel sexy and have erotic thoughts
3. Experiment with lots of oral sex and digital (finger) penetration
4. Figure out through exploration what parts of your body are more sensitive than others
5. Challenge the thought that sex always boils down to penetration with ejaculation and orgasm
6. Allow yourself to experience pleasure without feeling like you have to achieve ejaculation/orgasm
7. Communicate with your partner what you need to feel safe in order to engage in sexual activity
8. Remember that sex is fun, sometimes awkward and messy, and often funny. Being accepting of these facts can help strengthen the intimacy you already have with your partner

• Talk to your doctor. Here's the deal--doctors get maybe 20 hours of training in sexuality during medical school. You may need to bring up sexuality with your doctor in stead of hoping they will do it. Medications to treat MS can absolutely effect your sexuality, so ask about what you can take (or add) so you can regain sexual feelings. Also, ask for testosterone testing. Low testosterone affects both men and women. If you use a catheter, know that sexual activity is totally possible. Make your doctor aware of your sexual activity so you can determine which type of catheter is best for your needs. 

• Try to schedule sexual activity for when you typically have the most energy.

• Avoid coffee, tea, other caffeinated drinks, and alcohol if you are scheduled to engage in sexual activity. Also, empty your bladder before sexual activity. Put some towels down before you engage in sexual activity. A little (or a lot) of urine isn't really a big deal when you think about the bigger picture. 

• Incorporate sex in the bathtub. We know that bathing in warm water prior to sexual activity can help reduce spasticity as well as relax your muscles and joints. You will need to have silicone lubrication for your sexy bath time play. However, it is very slippery so try experimenting with a little before using a lot.

• Try out different sex positions. Using pillows (both regular and ones made specifically for sexual activity) can decrease joint pressure. Rear vaginal penetration can be helpful for people who wish to keep their legs together. Having sex sideways doesn't put as much pressure on your bladder so many people find it enjoyable. If your male partner has MS and is unable to full extend his legs, try experimenting being on top.

I hope you have found this blog post to be useful.

If you did, I would love it if you left me a comment. Also, you might want to consider printing out this blog post and bringing it with you to your next doctors appointment. I'm going to follow up this post with my top sex toy picks for those who are differently abled, so please stay tuned. 

What can I say? She just totally does it for me.

I was delighted and surprised to see her involvement in a viral video called "Dealbreaker" the band White on Rice (she is part of the 3 person group).

Get ready to see Norah Jones as you've never seen her before. She acts campy, wears wigs and costumes, hams it up, and manages to look like she is having the time of her life. I'm not kidding when I say I peed a little when I first saw the video. 

(yep, that's her on the far right!)

Being that it is Valentine's Day, it is apropos to post this hilarious video about the ups and downs of dating. 

Here are the lyrics, but I warn you, they are in all caps so reading them is kind of a bitch. 

LYRICS:

NOW, BACHELOR # 1, IS A GENTLEMAN
HE HOLDS THE DOOR, HAILS THE CAB, HIS SHIRT IS TUCKED IN.
I FINALLY FOUND A MAN WITH A JOB, HE GOT HIS SHIT TOGETHER
SOMEONE PINCH ME PLEASE 
GIRL YOU MUST BE DREAMIN

ITS TIME TO GET IT ON
LET'S SEE SOME FIRE WORKS 
HE GOT HER SCREAMIN SO YOU'D THINK THAT SHE'S
ENJOYING THE PERKS
HA! BUT IT'S THE NASTY BREATH THAT MAKES ME HAVE TO DISS
BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES MR HALITOSIS

DEALBREAKER YOURE JUST WASTIN' MY TIME
UP TIL NOW EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE 
I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND A PERFECT MAN,
TIL YOU RELEASED THE DRAGON
LADY BONER'S SAGGIN
WHY'D YA HAVE TO GO AND BREAK A DEAL LIKE THAT

BACHELOR # 2 IS LOOKING FINE, OH MY
HE TREATS ME REALLY NICE, HE LIKES TO WINE AND DINE
HE TAKES HER TO THE MET AND SYMPHONY AND BUYS HER JIMMY CHOOS I THINK SHE FOUND A POT OF GOLD 
HER PERFECT VALENTINE.

THE NIGHT WAS CRAZY HAZY SO I'M SLEEPING IN
HE CURLS UP RIGHT BEHIND ME AND HE'S WHISPERING.
"UH OH! IS SOMEBODY A WITTLE BIT COWD? "
THIS FOOL IS BABY TALKIN ME LIKE I AM 4 YEARS OLD.

DEALBREAKER YOURE JUST WASTIN' MY TIME
UP TIL NOW EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE
I DON'T WANT TO RUB YOUR BA-BY FAT
YOU GOTCHA DIAPER POOPY, CRYIN FOR THE BOOBY, 
WHY'D YA HAVE TO GO AND BREAK A DEAL LIKE THAT?

IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO SEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH BACHELOR 3 
YOUD HOPE TO ONLY SEE THIS ON REALITY TV.
BECAUSE WHEN IT'S TIME TO HIT IT
HE FORGETS TO USE HIS ARMS
HE'S A CADAVER HE JUST LAYS ALL OF HIS WEIGHT ON ME
NOW HIS PELVIS MIGHT BE PUMPIN LIKE A TROPHY BUCK
BUT HE'S CRUSHING THIS FLOWER LIKE A MONSTER TRUCK
HE MIGHT HAVE A NICE BODY WITH ROCK HARD PECS
GIRL YOU KNOW I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR DEAD CORPSE SEX.

HELL NO! TO THE BOLO TIE
HELL NO! TO THE BICURIOUS GUY
HELL NO! TO HAIR LIKE DONNY TRUMP
HELL NO! HE WAS A TWO PUMP CHUMP
HELL NO! HE SMELLS LIKE GREY POUPON
HELL NO! HE'S GOT PATCHOULI ON
HELL NO! HE'S WHITE BUT THINKS HE'S BLACK
HELL NO! HE'S INTO NICKELBACK

THERE'S A HAPPY ENDING TO THIS TALE SO DON'T YOU FRET
CUT TO ME WITH JAMES (FRANCO) HEADING TO HIS PRIVATE JET 
YEAH I'LL HAVE ANOTHER MIMOSA WITH A MANICURE
ON OUR WAY TO PARIS JUST TO GET AWAY, "BONJOUR"

SO LADIES YOU JUST HAVE TO PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT
AND YOU CAN BE LIKE ME WITH FRANCO EVERY SIN-GLE NIGHT
HES PULLING DOWN HIS PANTS AND UNBUTTONING MY BLOUSE 
HE'S PACKIN MORE BUSH THAN THE WHITE HOUSE!

DEALBREAKER YOURE JUST WASTIN' MY TME
UP TIL NOW EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE 
I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND THE MAN OF MY DREAMS,
SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE
HIS PENIS SMELLS LIKE PEE,
NOW I'MA HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS BROKEN DEAL. 

EWWW... AND HIS PANTS HAD AN ELASTIC WAISTBAND.
GROSS.

I admit that I am horrible at product reviews most of the time. I wish I could guarantee a 6 week turn-around, but that would just be setting me up for failure. This book review has been a long time coming. 

"Free Love--True Stories of Love and Lust on the Internet" by local author Thomas Kelleher is a very fun, quick, and interesting read. Although many of the people talk about using other dating/sex forums besides CL, it seems to be the main source of peoples stories. One part of me, however, is jealous that he put this information into a book because I have sooooo much experience with Craigslist (CL). 

I'm jealous because I pioneered online outreach to the young LGBT community in San Francisco in 2002. I presented all over the country about how engaging in risky sexual encounters was responsible, in part, for a growing number of HIV and STI cases. I also did what is now called "online outreach" where an educator takes to the internet to provide accurate information on sex as well as local HIV/STI testing sites. It seriously never occurred to me that it was a potential book idea.

But enough about me. 

What I really like about this book is the way it is formatted. Just like in CL, the chapters are designated into men for men, men for women, women for men, women for women, missed encounters, and casual encounters. The left side of the page shows the original ad or posting the person was using in order to find someone, and the right side (and, in some cases, pages) tells the anecdotal story of what happened in response to that particular posting. 

It's entertaining, compelling and voyeuristic. As someone who majored in sociology, this book is treasure trove of data on what it's like to have relationships, date, and have sex in the internet era. 

Because I have so much personal experience with CL, many of the original ads were a tad too familiar. Some of the anecdotal stories were also a bit commonplace, but I found them to be really interesting and kept me entertained.

The people in the book basically fall into a few different categories: people who were placing ads as a joke or a bet (in other words for shits & giggles), people who were looking for long term relationships, and people who were looking for sex. Lots and lots of sex.

I found it intriguing that a number of people never admitted or wanted it to "get out" that they used online forums like CL to find a partner. In all fairness though, it seemed to me that the people who were embarrassed about using the internet to find dates were in an older demographic and fondly re-called the good old days of having to place personal ads in the paper. 

More than a few people found real love online and are either engaged or married. A few posters met potential dates whose mental health was questionable to say the least. There were also a few red flags going off in my head when I read certain anecdotal stories. I'm not a therapist or mental health worker, but it seems like a few of the people who placed the ads could benefit from a couple therapy sessions. 

People have long loved the internet because of the feeling of anonymity. Yes they do! Engaging in cyber sex, sexy phone calls, steamy texts, and naked picture exchanges can be really intoxicating. It can also be a fabulous way to safely explore the depths of your personal sexual fantasies.

Talking about sex or what you want to do with someone online gives you much more courage than if you were standing next to that person. The internet can give you the confidence and assurance to vocalize thoughts that you might never say if you were in a traditional dating setting. Incidentally, I also think that online dating is a great way to negotiate what you are looking for, what you are willing to do sexually, and it is one of the easiest ways to broach the topic of sexual health. You can weed through people quickly to suit what you are looking for (especially if you ask the right questions), and it can also make the whole idea of rejection less personal. 

People also lie. A lot. The internet just makes it a hell of a lot easier to get away with lies for a longer amount of time. My personal experience is that, in general, women are always 20 pounds heavier and older than they report. Men, on the other hand, are always shorter, make less money, have less hair, and weigh more than they report.

People love sending the most flattering pictures of themselves, even if that picture is 2, 5, 10 or more years old. Not everyone does this, but many stories in the book "Free Love" talk about how a person was over 100 pounds more than what they stated or was bald or balding when they stated they had hair. 

On the internet, people love to pretend they aren't married or attached. Like I said before, the internet is intoxicating that way. Several stories address the horror of finding out the hard and unpleasant way that people who claim to be single are married or otherwise coupled. 

Of course, like any good gay, my personal favorite stories came from the men seeking men category. I always find it particularly interesting when a man claims he is "St8" (for those of you who don't know this term, it means straight) but wants to find a jack off buddy, someone who will suck him off, or someone who will let him top (after all, some people don't believe they are engaging in homosexual activity if they are not the person being penetrated). 

Internet dating has forever changed the way in which people meet, date, and have sex. The book "Free Love" gives you a raw and voyeuristic view into what internet dating and "hooking up" is all about. The bottom line is that no one wants to be rejected, are longing for a connection (even if it is purely sexual), and maybe, just maybe, fall in love. 

Last summer I wrote this companion piece to this post about bacterial infections. STI's aren't pretty, and they certainly make a lot of people super uncomfortable talking about them, but this is stuff you need to know if you are sexually active. Viral STIs are different from bacterial STIs because there is no cure. They can be managed, and managed well. The kicker is.....you have to know you have it. 

I'm someone who thinks that STIs would be less prolific if people were exposed to photos of STI symptoms with some frequency. I'm not kidding. Google a STI and then go to the pictures tab. Like I said, it ain't pretty. There are some pictures where it takes you a minute to figure out just what you are looking at. 

Ok, on to viral STIs (I'm leaving out HIV because that is really a whole other blog post)

HSV 2 (Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2):

HSV 2 is the more common form of genital herpes (remember HSV 1 can also cause genital herpes), HSV 2 can also present on the mouth although it is rare. HSV 2 can also affect the eyes. 

HSV 2 is a STI which means it is transmitted through sexual activity. Penetration need not take place for transmission to occur. HSV 2 is passed through skin on skin transmission while engaging in sexual activities like kissing, oral sex, vaginal penetration, anal penetration, and naked skin on skin rubbing. 

Symptoms vary from person to person so there really is no "typical" type of symptom pattern. However, many who have genital HSV 2 report the following: blisters, sores, skin cracks and fissures, itchy and irritated areas, pain during urination (blisters can form inside the urethra--ouch!). Non-genital symptoms are: headache, swollen lymph nodes, low grade fever, and sensitivity to light. 

There are lots of studies out there, but most report that 1 in 5 people in the United States who are over the age of 14 has HSV 2. But, and are you ready for this, 90% of people who have HSV 2 do NOT know they are positive. 

HPV (Human Papilloma Virus):

HPV is the most frequently acquired viral STI in the United States and there are over 40 types that specifically affect the genitals. Studies show that 50% to 80% of sexually active people will acquire HPV at some point in their life. HPV is transmitted through skin to skin contact and can appear on the penis, vulva, anus, rectum, and cervix. 

HPV has 2 basic risk categories: low risk and high risk. 

Low risk HPV are warts that appear mostly externally. 

High risk HPV can cause cancer. 

Also, HPV that causes external warts are not the same that cause cancer. 

HPV is interesting in that 90 % of infections clear on their own within 2 years. 

Genital warts present as small clusters that look a lot like cauliflower in the genital region. Warts can appear on the vulva, in or around the vagina or anus, on the cervix, penis, scrotum, groin, and thigh. You can have them removed by having a doctor freeze, cut, or laser them off. You can also use a topical cream that is prescribed by your doctor. 

Whether you treat them or not, these warts will never turn into high risk HPV or cancer.

Cervical cancer is a STI that is caused by HPV. Most people don't exhibit symptoms until it has already advanced. Getting regular Pap smears is a persons best bet for catching cervical cancer because it looks for abnormal cell structure or cell changes. There is a secondary test that can identify if the HPV is low risk or high risk in women. 

HPV also causes something called OPC or Orapharygeal Cancer. Many researchers are calling OPC the "new" STI. HPV causes about 40% of OPC. Many believe it is on the rise because many people don't consider oral sex to be sex, and therefore they don't think about using a barrier. Even though women are affected, researchers are seeing a trend that young white men are of greatest risk for OPC. 

HPV is also responsible for a growing number of Anal cancer patients. Because a lot of warts tend to appear inside the anal cavity, it is more difficult to diagnose. Anyone who engages in unprotected anal activity (including rimming) should request a yearly anal Pap smear. Yes, there really is such a thing. Yes, I have been a "guest" at many a anal Pap smear. 

General cancer treatments like radiation, surgery, and chemotherapy are used for Cervical cancer, OPC, and Anal cancers. 

There is a vaccine called Gardasil that helps protect uninfected people from 4 of the most common HPV types. There is also a new vaccine called Cervarix that is now available.  

One of the most important facts to remember is that all sexual activity carries some personal risk. Condoms can help decrease transmission, but they don't cover or protect the entire genital area. Condoms cover the head of the penis and not all of the penis shaft. Female condoms are popular because they cover a larger surface area of the vulva. 

I believe that it is up to each and every person to help safe guard their sexual health. You can begin by requesting from your doctor a complete HIV/STI panel. Most tests only look for a few STIs. In order for you to be fully aware of your health status you need to specifically request a full panel and then ask what it tests for. Bottom line is the more compete the testing, the better. It's also something I get done ever year during my annual Pap smear.

Hopefully, I can get this stuff out in a somewhat coherent way. 

Being a sex educator comes with a lot of baggage for me. I absolutely LOVE my work, but I can't shake the feeling that people expect me to have more of a platform or cause. I feel like every time I open my politically incorrect mouth, people are going to be there telling me I'm wrong, need to change the way I speak, am not a good sex educator, will never be accepted, etc.

I've put together a list of the biggest challenges I face when working in the sexuality community. 

Point # 1 Sex & Politics: You will never see me give a workshop, talk about, or write about sex and politics. This makes me hugely different from many educators. It's not that the 2 things are mutually exclusive to each other because they are not. It's more of me thinking that they don't always have to be the same thing...kinda like orgasm isn't always the same thing as ejaculation--they are often talked about at the same time, but it's not uncommon for them to be separate.

Even though I graduated from a women's college, I have never considered myself to be a feminist and hope like hell no one ever calls me one. I like to think of myself as a "sex-positive-female-empowered-woman." I guess my general feeling is that calling myself a feminist requires me to be political or more importantly, politically correct.

When I was growing up, I was basically raised with the belief that talking about politics was bad etiquette. This is not unlike being brought up to not ask people about how much money they made--you just didn't do it (sorry about the double negative).

Which brings me to my next point. 

Point # 2 Sex & Religion: You will never see me lead a workshop or talk about sex and religion. I'm not religious and never grew up with a religious belief. Again, I was also raised in a way that asking someone about their religion or getting into conversations about it was bad etiquette. In college I was required to take a few classes in religion in order to graduate, but that is the extend of my relationship with it. 

Point # 3 Sex & Political Correctness: This is probably the single biggest reason I have doubt. I'm not politically correct. At all. This is a huge deal breaker for many sex educators.

What I am is someone who spent 5 1/2 years working in the HIV positive community in San Francisco.

In case you haven't heard, that makes me pretty freaking gay. In fact, you probably already know that I am often  referred to as the "gayest gay man in the world" by my friends. By the by, my friends also happen to be some of the gayest people I know.

Here was a typical conversation at my job (I was technically their supervisor, but I don't always refer to me as such):

Me: Hey, I got a donation of 50 cupcakes from (insert cupcakery here) for our bake sale!

Co-worker: gaaaay.

Me: I also think it might be a good idea to get some table clothes so the folding tables don't look so ghetto.

Co-worker: super gaaaaaay.

Me: And I think I'm going to buy some of those cute cupcake displays since we do so many bake sales we can totally use them again-- oh yeah, I forgot I bought a bunch of glitter--I think it would be cute to have a glitter trail leading up to the bakesale.

Co-worker: gaaaayest thing ever. 

Me: Laughing...why the fuck does that make me soooo gay when you are the one who always wear pink, dresses your freaking chihuahua up in all pink outfits, and came into work singing the Scissor Sisters?

Co-worker: because you are hella freaking gaaaaay so just deal.

I'm not even kidding that this was a typical conversation at my office. Almost anything I did or said got a response of "gay" or that I was, in fact, gay. Therefore, it became a common response I used with other people who identified as being something other than heterosexual. It is really difficult to put into words, but it was as if the "that's so gay" campaign existed everywhere else except within the gay community. 

In case you haven't heard the news, it's also become extremely politically incorrect to say the term "tranny". It's not that I go around calling everyone a tranny Tourettes style, but I did use the term often. After all, this is the same community where a bar called "Trannyshack" exists.

First of all, it is difficult for me to not use the word when people who identify as transgender, use the word tranny.

Yes, I know the proper word is transgender.

Yes, I know it's not the same thing as transvestite or cross dressing.

Yes, I will absolutely use what ever pronoun you like. 

No, I don't go around using the term "she male" or "chick with a dick".

I have, however, used the term "girl/woman with something extra" or "girl/woman who has everything". 

In my mind, how can the term be so derogatory when a trans person suggested that we include a special "tranny spotting" section in the next work newsletter? 

Also, remember when Christian Siriano used the phrase "hot tranny mess"? Well, the Monday after Saturday Night Live aired a spoof of it, I found this in my work in-box

By the way, the person who sent it to me was my co-worker and a trans man. 

If you add all the points together, you get one very doubtful Catherine. 

It makes me different from others in the community, and, believe it or not, by some definitions make me not an ally. By the way, people who may think that can go fuck themselves. 

More importantly, it made me question my ability to be effective as a sex educator and if I should continue with my business.

What I now realize is that I am totally ok with all this. I don't need to be the most popular or respected sex educator. Just like in my personal life, I am not someone who always easily gets along well with everyone nor do I aspire to be liked by everyone. 

Shaming me (and at this point I'm not even sure if it is really happening to me or if I am just perceiving it to be happening to me) is not going to make me change the way in which I provide sex education. 

I am not political. 

I am not always politically correct. 

I am, however, freaking great at what I do.

And the people who don't support me for being the way I am can suck it.