Read what Fr. Z has to say at the link below, and then follow up with his action items.

What Does The Prayer Really Say?»Blog Archive » TO ARMS! Denver priest attacked for being obedient: POLL ALERT!!

ACTION ITEMS
1. Right now… now… stop and pray the St. Michael Prayer for Fr. Breslin and Archbp. Chaput.
2. Immediately after pray the Memorare for the conversion of the couple of that child.
3. VOTE in that poll from the denverpost.com .
4. Then vote in the second poll farther down on the right side.

Clarification, the parish preschool in dispute is in Boulder Colorado, which is in the Archdiocese of Denver.

“Divine Mercy Care, the parent organization of the DMC Pharmacy announces that the DMC Pharmacy will close permanently effective 6:00 p.m. March 4, 2010 due to financial difficulties.”

So Divine Mercy Care and Tepeyac will continue to exist and care for OB/GYN needs, but the only 1-of-7 pro-life pharmacies in the U.S. will close permanently. I have become personally acquainted with Robert Semler and his wife, Pam over DMC Pharmacy’s too-short run. They are top-notch caring people and their service to our community will be sorely missed — by me and my family in the immediate future.

The larger Catholic and pro-life community will miss them as well, but not until much later (perhaps when all their real choices have dried up). I believe that DMC Pharmacy did not succeed at this time because people — and specifically Catholics — failed to care.

A number of people were excited at the inception of the pharmacy and gave time, talent, and treasure. However, the ordinary pew-sitter failed to patronize the store, failed to transfer their prescriptions, failed to see the extra-ordinary chance at building a sustained Catholic culture and presence in the shadow of our nation’s capital.

With who-knows-what on the verge of passing in the health care reform legislation (mandatory subsidization of abortion, absence of conscience clauses, government “management” of costs and procedures) this is particularly bitter.

Surely the recession played a part, even though the prices were very competitive. But the “it’s too far” or “not convenient enough” or “that’s nice, but” excuses are the real culprits. The business was growing, but not fast enough to make it. Dr. John Bruchalski said in his letter that DMC Pharmacy was an idea “ahead of its time”.

I sympathize, Dr. B., but if not now, when?

——-

Posted at Wynken, Blynken, and Nod

In itself, this is really no big deal, I suppose, given that it’s hardly unheard of for a child to know how to knit. But for me, as her dad, the thing that struck me about her newfound ability is that this is the first time I can recall that one of our children has acquired a skill that I don’t have.

From the time our kids are very young, we teach them to crawl, walk, talk, tie their shoes, read, etc., but these are all things that we ourselves know how to do. And still, to be sure, when our children have developed (or will develop) any of these basic skills, as their dad it has brought me great joy to behold each of these milestones, and will continue to do so.

But now that our children are beginning to learn skills that I myself don’t have, it has brought me even greater joy, and it has reminded me of the importance of our job as parents to instill in them a desire to discover and nurture their own God-given talents.

[Cross-posted at Lunch Break]

[ABCNews] Angie Jackson says nothing is off-limits on Twitter, not even the details of her abortion [to] chronicle her experience taking RU-486, commonly known as the abortion pill, in an attempt to “demystify” abortion for other women.

Already the mother of a 4-year-old son with special needs, Jackson, who lives in Tampa, Fla., with her boyfriend, said that after a difficult and life-threatening first pregnancy her doctors advised her to not get pregnant again.

“I had made a decision when my son was born to try to not get pregnant again, and if that failed I’d planned that I would get an abortion if I needed one,” Jackson said.

“It’s not that bad. It’s not killing a child.” she says in her YouTube post.

I’m not sure what is mystifying about the abortion drug, unless it’s the idea that it’s either safe, painless, or doesn’t kill a child. One has to be willfully ignorant to gloss over the basic science and purpose of RU-486.

Jackson adds, “I’m not trying to ignite a culture war, I’m just offering one person’s personal experience and true story.”

Here is where the story starts to unravel. Jackson’s Twitter handle is “AntiTheistAngie” — not atheist, anti-theist. She signs off her posts, “Hope everyone has a Godless day”. People who are “not trying to ignite a culture war” don’t throw grenades. I don’t believe in little green men, but I don’t spend much time and energy trying to debunk those who do.

It would be easy to be simply incensed, but I am actually moved to pity. How does a person get that far removed from reality; the conscience that dulled? According to the article, Jackson is a self-professed atheist who says she grew up in a fundamentalist cult and survived sexual abuse. Any one of those things would have long lasting and damaging effects; she has the trifecta. Jackson’s stated goal is to “demystify” (and even encourage) abortion in other women, which is the real tragedy.

As long as we are “demystifying”, here is a gripping counterpoint from Catholic blogger and one of our favorites, the Mom, at Shoved To Them. Her experience shows the grim reality of the abortion drug RU-486, but also the grace and healing that comes from knowing God and acknowledging the humanity of each and every person. This is both heart-wrenching and grace-filled at the same time.

I wanted to write about my own experience taking Mifeprex, the abortion drug known as RU-486. Our baby had died at some point during the previous week.

[...] Really, I just wanted them to give me the drugs and let me go home. I didn’t want to spend 24 hours on the maternity ward listening to the cries of other people’s healthy babies and wait for my own heartbreak to begin. I have been in labor a few times and thought it was reasonable to think that I would know when to come to the hospital. I was told I could bleed to death. I stayed.

Labor began for me about 3 hours after I took the first dosage. It was administered both orally and vaginally. Within the first hour, I understood why I couldn’t have gone home. I began to pass blood clots. They came in steady succession as if on a string. They ranged in size from the size of a chicken’s egg to as large as my fist. Every time I moved another clot would become loose and come out. I thought I was hemorrhaging; I thought I was going to bleed to death. It was horrific. I forgot why I was there for a while and just sat on the bed crying and shaking in fear that my 4 living children would grow up without me. I have no idea how much blood came out of my body. I stopped counting clots at 20. After 20, it just didn’t seem to matter any more. I asked the nurse if my experience was normal and she assured me that this was what an RU-486 abortion looked like and that I was fine.

Our daughter’s body was delivered four and a half hours after the first contraction. She was the size of my hand. She was smooth and shiny and pink with perfect fingers and toes. Heartbreakingly small and achingly perfect. Our midwife wiped her clean and laid her on a blanket before handing her to me. I have never seen such agony as I saw on my husband’s face when he heard her whisper, “It’s a girl.” His face looked like it folded in on itself. Our baby was really and truly dead. Somehow it didn’t seem real until we held her in our hands and looked at her through our tears.

It wasn’t over yet. I still had to deliver the placenta. It took another two hours for it to let go and come out of me. The doctor who was supervising kept coming by to check and ask “Is it out yet?” in a strangely cold voice. I later learned from my midwife that she performed abortions herself and was deeply disturbed by our pain. She told our midwife to get us out of the hospital as quickly as possible because we were upsetting the staff, and that she didn’t understand why we were crying over something which was little more than a tumor in medical terms.

I can not imagine being 14, at home, trying to hide this from my mother, and having this experience. My brain can’t even get to that place of fear. A child, scared and alone, passing blood clot after blood clot, thinking you’re bleeding to death, but afraid to tell in case you aren’t. And then, delivering that impossibly small body. Perfect, lifeless, and undeniably human. What does a little girl do when her body hurts that much, and her mind fears that much, and her baby lies dead in her hand? How is this okay?

I am not sure what the answers are, but I do know that women deserve better than to be treated this way. Our bodies and our minds deserve better protection. People can chant and scream about the rights of women, but I know that women and girls have a right to something better than this. They have a right to something better than abortion.

Like she said: Women Deserve Better.

Posted at: Wynken, Blynken, and Nod

“We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.

Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options.”

Here is the catch, family members, friends, and spouses can see these characteristics (bold) in a addict way before the addict can. The addict, for the most part, can not. The key phrases bolded above our beyond what the porn addict can see while in the throws of the addiction. What makes an addict move forward, of his own accord, is usually exhaustion and pain. If he is deep in his or her addiction, and is lucky, he may start to see he has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop.

The problem is not the desire to stop. Addicts have stopped many times before (ad nauseam),  it’s the ability to stay stopped. You might as well tell an addict that breathing is bad for him, so go ahead and hold your breath. Sounds good on paper, but even with the best intentions he eventually has to breathe. That is how engrained the addiction has become.

This constant effort to stop the addiction is exhausting. Or if the porn addict has given up fighting and has resigned to the addiction, keeping up the addiction is exhausting. The addiction, in this case lust, wants more and more. It requires more effort to achieve the high, more effort to hide it from friends and family, and more effort to come up with the time and resources to achieve it.

So what are some of the behaviors of a pornography or sex addict? Well, here are some common questions pulled from a few different resources such as Sexaholics Anonymous, expert and author Patrick Carnes, or behaviors I look for when working with a new person to the program:

• Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
• That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in” (to looking at porn one more time, checking out the attractive girl at work, to calling a phone sex line, or soliciting a prostitute)?
• Does internet sex interfere with certain aspects of your life?
• Do you often stay online late (Midnight, 1:00am, etc) looking for pornography online knowing you have to get up for work at 6:00 am?
• Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
• Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
• Has your spouse announced the end of your marriage because of her latest discovery?
• Did your husband discover e-mails to your lovers who were his best friends and golfing companions?
• Is money for necessities getting more difficult, or debt increasing, because of your spending on pornography, prostitutes, strip clubs, or affairs?

If you spooked yourself by reading those questions, the scarier piece is looking at what is required for recovery. That is why an addict usually has to hit a bottom, because he often has to go outside himself to get better. Pride must be put aside, a white flag must be raised, and control of his own recovery must be released to another (counselor) or program.  This is terrifying aspect for an addict. By the time he is seeking help, the addiction has driven him inward and away from others. He or she may also believe that he can be the only one to “take care of himself”, he must handle this on his own as he see’s fit. Going to another for help, well to an addict, its un-natural and dangerous.

I think it was put best when I listened to a senior member of my program say the following to a newcomer.

“Lust is on the other side of that closed door doing push ups. He is just hoping you open that door and do the same thing you always do to try and beat him. This way he can smile, firmly punch you in the face, and knock you to the floor again. So, it’s your choice – you can do it the way you have always tried to get better, white-knuckling to the best of your ability, or try something different.

And trust me, if it doesn’t work – we will refund back all your misery and pain.”

The key to recovery is to do what does not come natural. It’s surrendering, not fighting. It’s turning to God instead of fighting him. It’s bringing your past, your defects, and your sickness into the light and allowing God to repair it for you.

Recovery from pornography addiction is learning how not to fight with sheer force of will. However this doesn’t mean we just wait for God to take the thorn from our side, because in most cases he won’t. Paul petitioned God to remove the thorn from his side, but God responded – “My grace is sufficient”.

In other words, dependence on God is enough. In my case, dependence meant taking action and leaning on God to show me the way to repair this disease and manage it. The pull may always be there, but I don’t have to obey it.

In other words, I learned a very important lesson – “Without God, I can’t; Without me, God won’t”.

I had to take responsibility to get better, just as every addict learns. If you are lucky, you learn sooner than later that your path in recovery lies within God’s hands. You work for it, he will help you. Of course this involves the Sacrament of Confession, time in Eucharistic Adoration, the Rosary (which is a strong armor), and Prayer but this is only a small part of a larger process. Most of which involve you going outside yourself for help and trusting in another.

There are many more resources for the addict than he may expect. I will list quite a few here and can shed some light on a few in private conversation (via e-mail) if you wish. However, I do strongly recommend a 12-Step program.

The reason I recommend a 12-Step program is because Pornography and Sex Addiction is only a symptom (nothing more) of a much larger problem. A 12-Step program modeled off AA is a spiritual walk (and more Catholic than you think) that teaches you how to face your past, identify defects, turn them over to God, and also puts a plan in place to handle everyday life. It is an approach, with God’s help, to live free.

The program I recommend is Sexaholics Anonymous (www.sa.org) which has a defined level of sobriety and a great support system. If you look at others and would like me to compare and contrast them, please e-mail me privately.

However, let me provide some concrete resources for the addict or family member looking for a next step.

Groups, 12-Step and Otherwise:

• (SA) Sexaholics Anonymous – www.sa.org
• (SAA) Sex Addicts Anonymous – www.saa-recovery.org
• (SLAA) Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous – www.slaafws.org
• Celebrate Recovery – http://celebraterecovery.com.au/
• Every Man’s Battle – http://www.everymansbattle.com/
• Faithful and True – http://www.faithfulandtrueministries.com/

Books:

• “In the Shadows” by Patrick Carnes
• “In the Shadows of the Net” by Patrick Carnes
• “Faithful and True Workbook” by Mark Lasser

* * *

In the previous Blog we discussed what Porn Addiction is at a high level and the stigma behind it. In this blog we discussed how to identify if you have a problem with porn addiction and where to go for help.

I was contemplating two more blogs in this series – a more in depth look at a 12-Step program and how it works, as well as a blog directed to a spouse or family being affected by an addict.

However, I have gotten great feedback in my initial comments. As always, feel free to discuss the article within the comments section. However if you would like to see anything specific covered that you have not seen me discuss. Please make note in your comments, it may spawn a different direction as I write.

As always, keep me and all the other addicts suffering in your prayers.

Sincerely,
Sawyer

(http://sawyerswalk.livejournal.com/)

We pray the Stations of the Cross on Fridays.  We light a candle for each station and turn out all the lights.  The kids take turns blowing out a candle for each station prayed.  For the last station the last candle is blown out and it signfies Jesus’ death.  There is complete silence and the kids quietly go to bed.

To help with the praying of the stations,  each child has their own shoebox wrapped in purple paper with the following items (a symbol for each station)

1st station: rope (Jesus condemned to death)
2nd station: small wooden cross
3rd station: band aid (Jesus falls 1st time)
4th station: plastic rosary (Jesus meets Mary)
5th station: saint card of Simon helping Jesus (I print these)
6th station: small piece of fabric w/ iron on image of Jesus’ face
7th station: band aid (falls 2nd time)
8th station: kleenex tissue (women crying)
9th station: band aid (falls 3rd time)
10th station: small piece of purple felt (clothes stripped)
11th station: VERY large galvanized nail about 6 inches long (Home depot for $.20)
12th station: crucufix (Catholic store, plastic about $.50)
13th station: holy card of Michaelangelo’s Pieta
14th station: stone (big one from backyard or park)

I also include Fr. Lovasik’s Station of the cross book in their Boxes.  My girls made theirs about 4 years ago.  Last week I had moms come over and they all brought some of the items and we made boxes for our kids.  I made two more for my son and 3 yo dd.

This tradition is one of the simplest.  I keep the boxes and only bring them down for prayer time.  They LOVE praying the stations because they get to rummage through their boxes.  Free boxes available at Payless.  It should cost no more than $3 per box.
http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/overviews/seasons/Lent/

Courageous Priest

Oh blessed gentle Mary!  She gave us the gentle Jesus as a blossom.  And when did that blessed blossom produce fruit?  When he was engrafted onto the wood of the most holy cross— then we received perfect life.  And when we say that the seed’s husk remained in the earth, what do we mean?  This husk was the will of God’s only-begotten Son. In so far as he was human, he was clothed in this will, in his desire for the Father’s honor and our salvation. So strong was this boundless desire that he ran like one in love, enduring pain, disgrace, and abuse, all the way to his shameful death on the cross. Mary did exactly the same, venerable father, for she could desire  nothing but God’s honor and the salvation of his creatures. This is why the doctors tell us, referring to Mary’s immense love, that she would have made a ladder of her very self to put her Son on the cross if there had been no other way. All this was because her Son’s will remained within her.

A ladder of her very self.  Magnificent!

I am the average guy you see in the pew each week. I am married, I have two young daughters, my career is established, I am very active in my church and community. As matter of fact, I am an upcoming leader within my church.

I seem normal, except that I am addicted to pornography.

The usual response to this statement? Well, the response runs the gambit but is usually followed by a snicker. Most people don’t believe it is an addiction. Some argue it is a natural instinct to look at the opposite sex in a sexual way and that masturbation is a God given right.

So how do you get addicted to porn? There are many reasons which we may cover in more detail later. However, many people don’t realize that addiction often switches or morphs from one fixated object to another. It is not uncommon for an alcoholic that has successfully gained sobriety to accidently become addicted to drugs or vice versa. You would be surprised what addiction can encompass – alcohol, drugs, overeating, compulsive computer gaming, and even pornography or sex. I have heard many relate it to a giant “Whack a Mole” game from one of our childhood arcades. You lick the addictive action and it pops up somewhere else.

So, why have many not heard of this problem?

Well, this particular addiction is shamed based and recovery is not embraced by many. Unlike someone recovering from drugs or alcohol, I have to keep my recovery a secret for the addiction is greatly misunderstood. If my addiction ever was made public, my friendships, position in the church, and even my livelihood could be at risk.

My pastor put it best when he explained this to me…

“When you mention sex or pornography addiction, the first thing that comes to mind for many is a sexual predator or pedophile. That is rarely the case. These men I see in and out of confession, these men I see truly struggling, are wrestling with an obsession to lust, pornography, and sex – not small children.”

I soon realized that he was right and fear of discovery hamstrings the recovery of many. The addict is so ashamed, so unsure of where to go, and so afraid they will be ostracized that they don’t seek help. Many addicts don’t even know where to start.

Let me give you a little context behind this quote and an idea of the size of this problem. This quote was from a conversation three years ago. My pastor was trying to establish a 12-Step program, outside the normal ministry chain of command, who could operate anonymously within our church. At this time, he was engaging me and one other to help establish a support group.

My pastor had told me there was a huge need in the parish. The amount of men struggling and coming to him for guidance was alarming. I remember one statistic I had seen at the time was that roughly 30% of men sitting in Sunday Service actively struggle with pornography addiction or are showing strong signs of addiction.

Now I believe the problem is no longer able to hide. It’s becoming such an issue that the public is starting to hear more about it through mainstream media. At first, it was a little known focus on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”, but soon started to grab headlines when David Duchovny was admitted into a program for sex addiction. Now, the problem has really gained some attention with the recent struggles of Tiger Woods.

That is why I am here.

I am here to get the word out to those that may be struggling. To the families currently affected by this addiction. I am here to bring a shame based topic out into the light of the Holy Spirit where hope can be brought to others.

Over the next week or two I will be writing a small two to three part series on pornography and sex addiction. I will be covering multiple facets of the addiction such as identifying if someone has a problem, the affects of addiction on the family, recovery options and resources, as well as what life is like on the other side.

Until we speak again, please pray for me and others struggling in recovery.

Sincerely,

Sawyer

(Sawyer is a recovering Pornography Addict and has been sober for almost 2.5 years. Currently enrolled in a 12- Step recovery program, he has helped start local 12-Step programs for recovery and has acted as a sponsor for multiple struggling addicts. You can read more detail about his personal walk through sobriety at sawyerswalk.livejournal.com)

• Give it Up – a discussion of some of the pitfalls we can fall into during Lent
• The Glory of These Forty Days – a discussion of the Lenten hymn of the same name

With this in mind, I call all Catholic Dads to enter into this season seeking to move forward in their own spiritual journey.  We do this through surrender and repentance.  It is only when we give up control and realize that God alone satisfies all we need; that God alone can lead us out of our wilderness; that all our struggles are empty without God that we can truly move in the direction of our call.

As part of this, I ask that you share with us some of your journey as well as any advice you can give to one another.