“’Everything will be alright’” is not the same as ‘Everything will stay the same.’” – Seth Godin.

I have been absent from Catholic Dads Online for a bit now. My absence was self imposed because I felt my participation here was not the witness CDO needed.

The truth is, my wife and I had been on the brink of divorce for months. We had been struggling for at least a couple of years. The roots of our problems go back years before that.

I never thought we could get to that point. Our problems didn’t suddenly happen. The pain we both felt happened gradually over years until we were two people living different lives under the same roof. Then a couple of years ago she said she was done with our marriage and didn’t want to work on it.

I had prayed frequently for help and guidance since that revelation. I had stopped praying a few months ago. Then something strange happened. My wife and I switched roles. She became the one praying and trying to save the marriage while I had given up. Our families found out. My sister-in-law prayed and lost sleep over what seemed to be our impending break up. Thankfully, we never gave up at the same time and things changed.

By God’s grace, my wife and I have now reconciled. Everything has changed. It couldn’t stay the same because what we had done in the past simply did not work for a marriage. While there is much work to do to maintain this new state, I can say we have a completely new and different relationship. One that is better than ever before.

So what made the difference? Good counseling was the key. We both knew we should make it work. Counseling gave us the framework and tools to make the changes. Our counselor is using a program by John Gottman based on work he wrote about in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Gottman’s insight was so on the mark, we could have been one of his case studies.

Second, willingness. Even though I was saying I was done, the counselor told us she knew we would make it when I told her that I knew splitting would be the biggest mistake of my life. My mind already knew what my heart was trying to catch up to. For her part, my wife committed herself fully to reconciling without waiting for me to do the same during this counseling process.

I don’t have all the answers. Even though I am confident now that we will make it, I really cannot predict where this will go. We are great now, but a new relationship is a fragile one. We will have to make sure we do not slip into old ways while we continue building new habits. I can only say that today we are both committed to our marriage and are excited about this new direction.

Please pray for us as everything changes but is still alright.

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Remember the kerfuffle regarding Senomyx and big name food companies testing flavor enhancers on fetal cell lines? PepsiCo is the latest company to reject the use of human tissue or cell lines derived from embryos or fetuses.

A little history:

• First Children of God for Life (COGFL) wrote to Senomyx in 2010 asking them to only use ethical cell lines in their flavor enhancer research, but they were ignored. Senomyx’s use of HEK 293 – human embryonic kidney cells taken from an electively aborted baby — is well documented in their patent filing on sweet receptors.
• Since there was some misinformation floating about the web, I did a bunch of research on Senomyx which I wrote about here.
• Then in March 2011, COGFL called for a boycott of Senomyx’s main collaborators: Pepsico, Kraft Foods, Campbell Soup, Solae and Nestlé. Immediately after going public with the boycott, both Campbell Soup and Solae cut ties with Senomyx.
• In July 2011, Senomyx scrubbed their website of “partners and collaborators” to try to tamp down the bad publicity from the PepsiCo boycott.
• After a year of denials and semantic evasions, PepsiCo’s VP of Global Public Policy, Paul Boykas stated in a letter to COGFL dated 26 April 2012 that “Senomyx will not use HEK cells or any other tissues or cell lines derived from human embryos or fetuses for research performed on behalf of PepsiCo.”

PepsiCo recognized the controversial subject was not in the best interests of PepsiCo and acted accordingly.

“We took the matter very seriously,” stated Mr. Boykas. “We have an official Statement on Responsible Research and we intend to live by that policy.”

You can see PepsiCo’s brand new Ethical Research statement here.

PepsiCo’s Responsible Research Statement

PepsiCo’s research processes and those of our partners are confidential for competitive reasons. However, PepsiCo does not conduct or fund research – including research funded by PepsiCo but performed by third parties – that utilizes any human tissue or cell lines derived from embryos or fetuses.

If you check the Internet Archive (Wayback Machine), you will be able to confirm that the policy did not appear on PepsiCo’s website as far back as December 21, 2010. So it is, in fact, new. Now you can enjoy your PepsiCo products with a clear conscience with regards to this issue.  Write to thank them!

So you see it isn’t all doom and gloom. Prayers, petitions, and standing up for what we believe in can result in a more ethical society.

Keep the Faith!

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Today I gave a short talk in a University courtyard on “how guys should treat girls.” As I was preparing my presentation it occurred to me that I really wanted to sit down with a small group of Catholic Dads and shoot the breeze over this  before I wrote or spoke about it. Leaving the topic of my talk aside, this thought has been popping up more and more these days. I find myself yearning for the comapny and conversation of good Catholic Dads. It is more than just getting advice. It is about sitting in the company of men who are sharing the struggle to be a holy husband, father and man in today’s crazy world. It is about listening, yes. But it is more about learning, being affirmed completely absorbed in the sanity and common variety goodness of being a Catholic man. The trouble with common sense, common manners and common variety goodness as a whole is that they are no longer common. More and more I feel the need to seek out the company of common sense Catholic men, even if they aren’t that common!

Prompted by our wives who meet regularly in a local Rosary group, a small group of friends now regularly get together for ’steak and movie’ nights every so often. The only expectation of these evenings is that we eat, see an action flick of some kind, and nobody orders vegetarian. We never come with an agenda, but the guys tend to throw up whatever is happening or whatever is bothering  them in life at the time, and we hear the guys toss the matter around in a relaxed, humorous and gentle way. In other words, they bring a balanced, sensible perspective to the table and help each other to navigate the world’s rough seas with laughter and love, while never losing sight of the big picture.

The group has grown steadily over the past few years and I often get a subtle reminder that it is time to get another movie happening. The guys have come to value this casual fellowship as a regular part of life.

What about you guys? In the revival of Catholic life here in Australia, this area is still relatively undeveloped so I am thinking this one through before making suggestions to others. Do you have this kind of guy time in your life? How did you get involved? What form does it take?

So, my common sense guys… let’s hear it.

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My father died yesterday at 63 years old. The man who taught me how to be a man, how to be a father, how to be a Christian died after a fight with cancer that took him from a strong bear of a man to someone weak who did not know where he was or what was happening. In the span of not two years, he aged what seemed like 20. It was hard to watch this, to be there and not able to do anything. At the end, it was the strength of my brother and I helping my mother with our sisters tell our father he had to stay in bed because he will hurt himself, as he insists that we were fighting him rather than helping him. It was hard to see him in a comma and struggle to breath at the end.

But in spite of all of the pain, Christ was there throughout. My father showed me how to to deal with this not just as a man, but as a Christian man. With faith in the face of death. He was not eager to leave nor free of fear, and his strong will kept him here for a long time, but he reconciled himself to what was happening and was at peace with God and availed himself of all the Church had to offer. He was anointed weeks before death, days before death and then again hours before death.

Dealing with the death of my father is hard. It is hard to see my mother in her pain. It reminds me of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane where he asked that the cup be taken from him. We, who are left, are at that point. Do we embrace the cross we are now asked to bear or do we rebel or despair? All in life is for a purpose, though we do not always know what it is. We are asked to follow where God leads. Sometimes he removes those things upon which we rely, so that we may rely on him and become more the person he intends. I do not know exactly how God was asking my Dad to grow, though I have an idea. Nor can I see fully what it is for me, but he is asking that I trust him. It is at these points in our lives where we willingly can choose to take up our cross or we can fight it. It is at times like these that we see if our faith is real.

As we face this with the death of my father, I beg your prayers for my mother, and all of our family that we may embrace this cross now so we may rely even more on Christ in our hour of need.

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Road to Emmaus - Inconspicuous Catholic artwork for your office.

Imagine how much time you spend at work throughout your life. With the direction our society is moving it seems that people are working longer and longer hours for more years of their lives and therefore spending more time in their cubicle, office, etc. The office has become our home away from home which should encourage us to treat it as such.

If this is true for you it is important that you try to make your office space comfortable, peaceful, and encouraging. It’s easy to pick the basics for decorating your workspace: plants, pictures of family, pictures of nature, or the all important stress ball. I think that it is important to add Christian items to your office space which call you to prayer, bring you peace, help you focus, and help you handle stress more effectively.

Many different items exist which are perfect for making your office space into this kind of environment. For example, prayer cards make a wonderful edition to your office space as they are simple, easy to put up, and are typically very beautiful with a simple prayer or pleasing image. If prayer cards aren’t to your liking, then maybe a simple crucifix or rosary speaks to your needs more effectively. Whatever works for you, whether it is prayer cards, icons, a rosary, or a crucifix, it is important that you make your office a good holy space in which you will spend a substantial amount of time.

If heavily religious articles are not welcome in your work place, perhaps a contemporary piece of Catholic art might be a better choice. You can display a Biblical or inspirational verse, your patron saint, or a Biblical scene.

For the amount of time most people spend in their cubicle or office space, you might as well make it as enjoyable and pleasant as possible. Consider also that if your work environment is more peaceful and serene then perhaps the stress of work will be minimized and not come home with you. Taking a moment when times are tough to meditate with a religious devotional can help you better deal with stress, be better able to leave that stress at work, enjoy work more, and live a life filled with more peace and comfort.

What do you add to your office in order to make it holy?

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I have a recommendation for you. It is at a blog by a Catholic mother called My Broken Fiat. The particular post is titled My Darkest Secret. It describes the pain of a woman caused by husband’s selfishness.

Gentlemen, this article deals with the problems of contraception from a tremendously insightful and deeply personal perspective. It deals with a woman’s longing for children within the bonds of sacred marriage. It is about the pain caused because her husband does not agree and insists on contraception. I think there are so many lessons in this, but I see two. The first is the obvious problem with the contraceptive culture and how it tears at marriage through a focus on selfish motives.

The bigger lesson though is on the tremendous pain we as husbands cause our wives because of our selfishness. Contraception and unwillingness to have children may not be where we are selfish (or it mat be…), but we cause pain whenever we are selfish. Good sirs, please read this. See the pain. Then ask yourself, are you causing your wife pain through your selfishness? If so, then change.Click here to read My Darkest Secret at My Broken Fiat.

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“Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell us about God?”

-Tyler Durden, “Fight Club”

This quote comes from a movie I wasn’t really fond of, but thinking about this quote hit me.  In today’s society the importance of having a father is becoming downplayed in a lot of ways.  One-third of all children in the U.S. do not live with their biological father, according to fatherhood.org.  Studies also show that living without a father increases the chances for teen pregnancy, child abuse, crime, and poverty.  These children need fathers that are active and engaged in their lives.  What are all of these absent fathers doing?  Why don’t they care about their children?

There is no easy answer to these questions.  What we need to ask ourselves is, what can we do to change the tide?  What can we do to ensure that children have fathers?  There are many different ways to go about this goal, but one of the chief ways is to show men what authentic fatherhood looks like.

What does authentic fatherhood look like? An authentic father is a father of faith, strength, character and courage.  A father who is obedient to God and courageous to the point of sacrificing his own child, as St. Joseph did, and Abraham would have done.  An authentic father has faith that the Lord will provide for him, and more importantly, for his family.  In the words of Abraham . . .“God himself will provide” (Genesis 22:8).  How do we fathers live so as to set an example of authenticity to other men?  How can we live up to the challenge?

There are lots of little things we can do which can make a huge difference in our lives and the way in which we serve as fathers.  A men’s cross necklace might serve as the perfect reminder of Christ and how he has taught men to live.  Perhaps even praying 20 minutes a day might allow us to connect on a deeper level with our spiritual father so that we can bring our children to him as well.  For some, reading a good book for fathers might do the trick.  The important thing is to find what reminds you and guides you to being the best father that you can be for your children—because they deserve it.  As the movie quote shows, we are our children’s models for God, therefore the model that we set can greatly influence their views of God.  What do you find that helps you be the best father you can be?  What’s the hardest part of being an authentic Catholic father?

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            Where was Joseph during the Passion of Jesus Christ?  In fact, where was St. Joseph during Christ’s entire public ministry?  I found myself asking this question after Holy Week and reading over and over again the Passion narratives of Christ.  In these narratives we seem to see Christ’s most beloved disciples, apostles, and His own Mother, but not his adoptive father St. Joseph.  What does this absence of St. Joseph mean?  How are we as Christians to understand this and what does this teach us about fatherhood?

             Many conjecture that St. Joseph isn’t mentioned in the narratives of Jesus’ ministry because he died before these events took place. However, there isn’t concrete evidence to support the conjecture that St. Joseph died before the public ministry of his adoptive son. Regardless of why St. Joseph was not mentioned, it does teach all fathers an important lesson.  There might come a time when we are called to step out of the spotlight and allow our children to shine.  As we were once let free from our parents we must do the same for our children.

             We are living more and more in a society in which parents are afraid to let go of the chains they have on their children.  According to the Pew research Center, nearly 1 in 5 adults from age 18 to 34 still receive some sort of financial aid from their parents.  That’s 20% of all adults in the US.  20%!  Can you believe that?  We as parents have to learn to let our children out of the nest and learn to fly.  Just as we taught them to walk on their own, we must teach them to be responsible on their own.

             This does not mean we should ignore our children or refrain from giving them advice.  We should continue to encourage them in their faith journey and lives.  Of course we ought to continue to encourage them to pray the rosary, read the Catholic Bible, pray the Stations, etc.  That will never change because every Christian ought to encourage every other Christian to live rightly.  However, we, like St. Joseph, must allow our children to live their lives without dependence so that they might be responsible adults and live out God’s call for them.  What advice would give to parents struggling to let their young adult or adult children live their lives?

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Men in or near Orange County, California, there is an opportunity for you this Saturday at Rosary High School in Fullerton. You have an opportunity to see four outstanding Catholic speakers who may very well offer you the vision for the future that you need in your life.

“There is more to life, but you need to invest in yourself to discover that. Four hours can change your life. Attend the Made 4 More conference, it will be a life-changing experience!” — Matthew Kelly

The goal of Made 4 More is to provide contemporary Catholic Men with a transformative experience. One that will lead participants to a deeper and more personal relationship with Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church. We do this with a four hour encounter which presents engaging speakers who are tops in their field and address real, tangible issues that many men can identify with.

Speakers include the following (click here for more details on the speakers):
Allen Hunt: Allen Hunt was born and raised Methodist. While serving as a mega church pastor (with more than 8000 members), Allen began a remarkable journey culminating in his conversion to Catholicism. He is the author of three books, including his most recent release, Confessions of a Mega Church Pastor: How I Discovered the Hidden Treasures of the Catholic Church.

John Abbate: John is a strategic adviser to the Dynamic Catholic Institute and on the board of directors for JMJ Maternity Homes. John has been publicly speaking for over a decade on a wide range of business topics such as brand strategy, entrepreneurship, leadership, and management. Now – he is branching out to speak about his Catholic faith journey, pro-life work, and a commitment to work/faith integration – Inspired by Saint Jose Maria Escriva’s theology of sanctification of our work.

Jesse Romero: Jesse Romero is a full-time bilingual Catholic Lay Evangelist, who is nationally acclaimed for his dynamic, upbeat Christ centered preaching. A resident of California and a retired Los Angeles Deputy Sheriff, he is a devoted husband and father. He was a three time world Police Boxing Champion and a two time U. S. A. Kickboxing Champion.

Reid Carpenter: Reid Carpenter has served as president of Leadership Foundations of America (LFA) since 2001. With almost 45 years of experience in community-based ministry and management, he leads and directs the mission of LFA to “Connect Leaders, Change Lives, Transform Cities.”

Pete: Bowen. Pete Bowen has been practicing and teaching leadership for more than 25 years. An expert on ethics, leadership and culture, Bowen has been a guest on national television and radio shows including the O’Reilly Factor, Discovery Channel and Fox News Channel.

click here for more details on the speakers

Check out this event at their website, and sign-up for the event. You ARE made for more, and this CAN be just what you were waiting for.

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What prayer was quoted by Margaret Thatcher after winning the 1979 United Kingdom general election, by Nancy Pelosi after becoming Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives in 2007, and by Bill Clinton in his welcoming speech to Blessed Pope John Paul II? Answer: The prayer of St. Francis.

The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi is by far one of the most popular Catholic prayers in the United States. According to an article from The Franciscan Archive, the prayer might not actually date back to St. Francis himself as it cannot be traced farther back than 1912.  Despite its questionable authorship, this prayer not only invokes the Divine Master, but also teaches us an important lesson about how we are to live our lives.  The prayer of St. Francis reads:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair. Hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

 Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

 Amen.

This prayer is beautiful and unique in that it asks God to grant us gifts in order to benefit others.  Many times we pray that God will help us to be understood and loved by others, as if others are the problem and not us.  The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi reminds us that the problem isn’t other people, the problem is us.  The problem is how we treat and approach other people.  In this prayer we seek to be able to love, understand, pardon, and give to others through the grace of God.  The beginning of the prayer reminds us that as Christians we are called to bring Christ to every place and situation, for Christ is joy, light, hope, faith, and pardon.  I encourage you to make this wonderful prayer a part of your daily prayer life through a prayer of St. Francis prayer card.  As a husband or father, how might you change your approach to prayer or other people through the guidance of St. Francis?

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