Comments for Catholic Dads http://www.catholicdadsonline.org Because we need all the help we can get Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:25:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 Comment on Take Action In Defending The Church by semperjase http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/vV5vLAeCvZo/ semperjase Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:25:33 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3333/take-action-in-defending-the-church/#comment-7643 The parish's statement can be found here: http://www.fatherbillsblog.com/heart/2010/03/what-wisdom-is-at-work-in-not-having-children-of-a-gay-marriage-in-a-catholic-school.html The archdiocese' statement can be found here: http://www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/3513 And Archbishop Chaput's thoughtful response can be found here: http://www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/3560 The parish’s statement can be found here:
http://www.fatherbillsblog.com/heart/2010/03/what-wisdom-is-at-work-in-not-having-children-of-a-gay-marriage-in-a-catholic-school.html

The archdiocese’ statement can be found here:
http://www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/3513

And Archbishop Chaput’s thoughtful response can be found here:
http://www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/3560

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3333/take-action-in-defending-the-church/comment-page-1/#comment-7643 Comment on Take Action In Defending The Church by NapLaly Quejada http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/SvbWBbcqpL8/ NapLaly Quejada Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:07:44 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3333/take-action-in-defending-the-church/#comment-7642 If you are a parent (father and/or mother) against the Catholic teachings, don't enroll your child into a Catholic School; you lost your right to (Catholic) education. If you are a parent (father and/or mother) against the Catholic teachings, don’t enroll your child into a Catholic School; you lost your right to (Catholic) education.

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3333/take-action-in-defending-the-church/comment-page-1/#comment-7642 Comment on Porn Addiction – Identification and Help. by Sawyer http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/ksxAHduHEJ0/ Sawyer Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:39:26 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3303#comment-7621 I respectfully diasagree with Rob on this one about not treating it as a disease. However we have talked off line about this and respectfully disagree on some of the nuances. I say this, and I have to tread carefully here, because based off the information you gave me (as an addict, NOT a counselor/psycologist) this *could be* the more advance stages of addiction. I see many people come into our program after being busted by thier wives speaking a lot of the details you just described. However, this also could very well just a case of adultry too - and addiction has no role in it. But some of the other information you gave me leads me more to the conclusion that he has a problem. Regardless, let me make something perfectly clear -- this DOES NOT give him the right to do this. It is sinful, and he is severely damaging the covenant he made before you and God. Period, end of story. My first suggestion, and this may not make sense, is to find one on one counseling for yourself, by yourself (not with your husband), without his knowledge (for now). This is the first step. I say this, because some healthy lines need to be drawn and you need a 3rd party who is trained to help you see what is truly going on and help you navigate the rough waters. Because it will probably mean confrontation in some manner and you need to be armed with the tools that give you and your marriage the best chance to survive. One of the biggest mistakes a spouse makes is they make HIS recovery HER responsibility. A spouse needs to seek help herself, get tools to pull from, draw healthy bouncries, stick with them, and give thier spouse alternatives to get help. But short of giving the spouse alternatives to getting help and holding those boundries - it is the addict's responsibility to get better. Sometimes that means hitting a bottom, which can mean the threat of seperation, loss of kids and wife, or even divorce. However, a counselor can help you figure out the best way to proceed and to give your marriage a chance. I reccomend calling your health insurance to arrange counseling - it usually involves 5 free sessions and then 20 or so at a co-pay. If you don't have insurance or wish to speak to a Catholic counselor specifically, I would contact the Archdioces who also have links to counseling. I *DO* reccomend asking either the health insurance company or Archdiocies about getting someone who has a specialty in Sex Addiction or Addiction in general. I was able to find a Christian (not specifically) Catholic counselor who did specialize in it. I know this is not what you want to hear, but remember this is only Step One - the professional will help you in navigating the next steps. Concentrate on YOU, not HIM for now - get your ducks in a row, and then engage him. That will give you both the best chance. As always, feel free to write me directly - sawyerswalk @ gmail . com I respectfully diasagree with Rob on this one about not treating it as a disease. However we have talked off line about this and respectfully disagree on some of the nuances.

I say this, and I have to tread carefully here, because based off the information you gave me (as an addict, NOT a counselor/psycologist) this *could be* the more advance stages of addiction. I see many people come into our program after being busted by thier wives speaking a lot of the details you just described. However, this also could very well just a case of adultry too – and addiction has no role in it. But some of the other information you gave me leads me more to the conclusion that he has a problem.

Regardless, let me make something perfectly clear — this DOES NOT give him the right to do this. It is sinful, and he is severely damaging the covenant he made before you and God. Period, end of story.

My first suggestion, and this may not make sense, is to find one on one counseling for yourself, by yourself (not with your husband), without his knowledge (for now). This is the first step.

I say this, because some healthy lines need to be drawn and you need a 3rd party who is trained to help you see what is truly going on and help you navigate the rough waters. Because it will probably mean confrontation in some manner and you need to be armed with the tools that give you and your marriage the best chance to survive.

One of the biggest mistakes a spouse makes is they make HIS recovery HER responsibility. A spouse needs to seek help herself, get tools to pull from, draw healthy bouncries, stick with them, and give thier spouse alternatives to get help. But short of giving the spouse alternatives to getting help and holding those boundries – it is the addict’s responsibility to get better.

Sometimes that means hitting a bottom, which can mean the threat of seperation, loss of kids and wife, or even divorce. However, a counselor can help you figure out the best way to proceed and to give your marriage a chance.

I reccomend calling your health insurance to arrange counseling – it usually involves 5 free sessions and then 20 or so at a co-pay. If you don’t have insurance or wish to speak to a Catholic counselor specifically, I would contact the Archdioces who also have links to counseling.

I *DO* reccomend asking either the health insurance company or Archdiocies about getting someone who has a specialty in Sex Addiction or Addiction in general. I was able to find a Christian (not specifically) Catholic counselor who did specialize in it.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but remember this is only Step One – the professional will help you in navigating the next steps.

Concentrate on YOU, not HIM for now – get your ducks in a row, and then engage him. That will give you both the best chance.

As always, feel free to write me directly – sawyerswalk @ gmail . com

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3303/porn-addiction-identification-and-help/comment-page-1/#comment-7621 Comment on Porn Addiction – Identification and Help. by Rob Kaiser http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/HahHpasnKpw/ Rob Kaiser Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:17:43 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3303#comment-7617 Anonymous, I don't know how to help, but wish I could. I believe your husband is committing adultery. I understand that some treat this like a sickness - while that may be helpful for some, it is unfortunate in that it provides an easy out for some folks. We all have free will. We can all seek help. We can all come to Christ with our burdens. Pornography is evil and those who indulge make themselves slaves to it. The Internet has enabled porn and causal infidelity. For you, remember what Theresa of Avila said: "He who has God Finds he lacks nothing: God alone suffices." Should all the world fall away from you and you stand alone, as long as you cling to God, you will be in safe hands. I offer my prayers for you and that your husband will see the light, return to God and to you in his heart. I pray that the suffering you are going through because of this brings you closer to our Lord. Anonymous, I don’t know how to help, but wish I could. I believe your husband is committing adultery. I understand that some treat this like a sickness – while that may be helpful for some, it is unfortunate in that it provides an easy out for some folks. We all have free will. We can all seek help. We can all come to Christ with our burdens.

Pornography is evil and those who indulge make themselves slaves to it. The Internet has enabled porn and causal infidelity.

For you, remember what Theresa of Avila said: “He who has God Finds he lacks nothing: God alone suffices.” Should all the world fall away from you and you stand alone, as long as you cling to God, you will be in safe hands. I offer my prayers for you and that your husband will see the light, return to God and to you in his heart. I pray that the suffering you are going through because of this brings you closer to our Lord.

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3303/porn-addiction-identification-and-help/comment-page-1/#comment-7617 Comment on Cost of Catholicism by dadwithnoisykids http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/-LC3p4Zrc94/ dadwithnoisykids Mon, 08 Mar 2010 04:49:26 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3330#comment-7615 With my work's insurance, they require us to fill out our prescriptions in bulk, at great savings to us(and presumably them as well). I think a lot of insurance carriers are going to this model, making the local pharmacy more of the place where one gets the 'as needed'(PRN) medications, such as antibiotics or analgesics. Still, it is sad to see this pharmacy closing. I try to send my business to a Catholic when I am able. God bless. With my work’s insurance, they require us to fill out our prescriptions in bulk, at great savings to us(and presumably them as well). I think a lot of insurance carriers are going to this model, making the local pharmacy more of the place where one gets the ‘as needed’(PRN) medications, such as antibiotics or analgesics. Still, it is sad to see this pharmacy closing. I try to send my business to a Catholic when I am able. God bless.

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3330/cost-of-catholicism/comment-page-1/#comment-7615 Comment on Porn Addiction – Identification and Help. by anonymous http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/WKip1mfR9Pc/ anonymous Sun, 07 Mar 2010 16:41:42 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3303#comment-7608 I'm not sure if you can help me, but I feel that my husband is on the road to porn addiction. I found out last year that he had started an on-line relationship with a woman that he met on one of those fantasy sites. I actually "caught him in the act" of having sex with this person. I gave him the ultimatum, at that very moment he had to delete that site, which he did. He tried to make excuses, and of course, blamed me for his wanting other women. I told him that could be remedied with a divorce, because as far as I was concerned he committed adultery. He lied and told me that it was the first time he ever did that and then I did some digging and found that he had "cyber love poems" in his bookmarks, which proved to me that he was sending her this stuff before his so-called "first time" having "cyber-sex". I don't think he has stopped this relationship, he's just better at hiding it. He's also, now, playing on-line poker until all hours of the night. He refuses to go to marriage counseling and to make it worse, he has not only fallen away from the Catholic religion, but has just told me that he is a full-fledged atheist. So, trying to direct him toward your 12 step program won't work because he thinks that God is nothing but a fairy tale. I'm at a loss. I don't want to end my marriage of 37 years, but I can't live like this either. I made a vow, "in sickness and in health", and I do believe that porn is a sickness. Do you have any suggestions as to where I can go with this? I'm sorry for the long comment, and I'm sorry for signing in as anonymous. I have a blog and don't want my identity revealed. Thank you, and God Bless you for your work. I’m not sure if you can help me, but I feel that my husband is on the road to porn addiction. I found out last year that he had started an on-line relationship with a woman that he met on one of those fantasy sites. I actually “caught him in the act” of having sex with this person. I gave him the ultimatum, at that very moment he had to delete that site, which he did. He tried to make excuses, and of course, blamed me for his wanting other women. I told him that could be remedied with a divorce, because as far as I was concerned he committed adultery.

He lied and told me that it was the first time he ever did that and then I did some digging and found that he had “cyber love poems” in his bookmarks, which proved to me that he was sending her this stuff before his so-called “first time” having “cyber-sex”.

I don’t think he has stopped this relationship, he’s just better at hiding it. He’s also, now, playing on-line poker until all hours of the night. He refuses to go to marriage counseling and to make it worse, he has not only fallen away from the Catholic religion, but has just told me that he is a full-fledged atheist. So, trying to direct him toward your 12 step program won’t work because he thinks that God is nothing but a fairy tale.

I’m at a loss. I don’t want to end my marriage of 37 years, but I can’t live like this either. I made a vow, “in sickness and in health”, and I do believe that porn is a sickness. Do you have any suggestions as to where I can go with this?

I’m sorry for the long comment, and I’m sorry for signing in as anonymous. I have a blog and don’t want my identity revealed. Thank you, and God Bless you for your work.

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3303/porn-addiction-identification-and-help/comment-page-1/#comment-7608 Comment on Porn Addiction – Identification and Help. by SpartacusXL http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/1Z8Ik0y8VqU/ SpartacusXL Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:25:16 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3303#comment-7369 Sawyer- you are, of course, dead on in your observation that sex addiction is a symptom of a deeper issue. For me, I'm pretty sure it's lack of self-esteem and insecurity. I have wanted to feel potent and formidable, irresistible to women, when my sense of self-worth has taken a hit, whatever it may be. Example- I have seen others advance in their careers at a job where I have been several years, while I have stayed in one place. I have had to take on part-time work to stay out of bankruptcy court, with family medical/therapist expenses piling up. It's one thing to try to accept that in the abstract as taking up the Cross with Our Lord, another thing entirely to accept it as anything less than personal failure. I have ended up looking for an escape, something to blunt the sting. Abstaining from an escape hatch is nothing easy, and the only real benefits I can readily see are in the long-term status of the soul. For me, I can see great benefit to the aspect of group we experience here, given its relative anonymity and the familiarity with the therapeutic approach that guys like me (and you) can walk in with. OTOH, I don't see a lot of value to 'admonishments from the mountain' unless it's Our Lord himself. As I said in the other thread... different men, different struggles. Sawyer- you are, of course, dead on in your observation that sex addiction is a symptom of a deeper issue. For me, I’m pretty sure it’s lack of self-esteem and insecurity. I have wanted to feel potent and formidable, irresistible to women, when my sense of self-worth has taken a hit, whatever it may be. Example- I have seen others advance in their careers at a job where I have been several years, while I have stayed in one place. I have had to take on part-time work to stay out of bankruptcy court, with family medical/therapist expenses piling up.
It’s one thing to try to accept that in the abstract as taking up the Cross with Our Lord, another thing entirely to accept it as anything less than personal failure. I have ended up looking for an escape, something to blunt the sting. Abstaining from an escape hatch is nothing easy, and the only real benefits I can readily see are in the long-term status of the soul.

For me, I can see great benefit to the aspect of group we experience here, given its relative anonymity and the familiarity with the therapeutic approach that guys like me (and you) can walk in with.

OTOH, I don’t see a lot of value to ‘admonishments from the mountain’ unless it’s Our Lord himself. As I said in the other thread… different men, different struggles.

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3303/porn-addiction-identification-and-help/comment-page-1/#comment-7369 Comment on Porn Addiction by SpartacusXL http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/JtlH81bCn4M/ SpartacusXL Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:26:51 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3289#comment-7366 One minor correction- I was in therapy for less than 6 months. And- at the risk of TMI- my abstinence from auto-eroticism was actually broken after a one-too-many steamy rendezvous with my wife that went unconsummated. Eventually I ended up where I was just before this year's Lent. I will call it a conscious compulsion at this point; i.e., one that is thwarted with sufficient forethought, self-examination and prayerful reflection. Thanks for your continued prayers and I will ping you if the struggle resurfaces. One minor correction- I was in therapy for less than 6 months. And- at the risk of TMI- my abstinence from auto-eroticism was actually broken after a one-too-many steamy rendezvous with my wife that went unconsummated. Eventually I ended up where I was just before this year’s Lent.
I will call it a conscious compulsion at this point; i.e., one that is thwarted with sufficient forethought, self-examination and prayerful reflection.
Thanks for your continued prayers and I will ping you if the struggle resurfaces.

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3289/porn-addiction/comment-page-1/#comment-7366 Comment on Porn Addiction by SpartacusXL http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/5pL0rirARhI/ SpartacusXL Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:17:59 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3289#comment-7365 If I actually <i>"like the sin"</i> then I have no use for a forum such as this. Judging from the tone of your response, I don't expect you to empathize. Lucky for you, you must not have similar experiences. Different men, different struggles... If I actually “like the sin” then I have no use for a forum such as this. Judging from the tone of your response, I don’t expect you to empathize. Lucky for you, you must not have similar experiences. Different men, different struggles…

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3289/porn-addiction/comment-page-1/#comment-7365 Comment on Porn Addiction – Identification and Help. by Dave http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/catholicdads-latestcomments/~3/5E3XyiK_hW8/ Dave Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:21:07 +0000 http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/?p=3303#comment-7363 Sawyer, Thank you for this heartfelt article. Here is a link to a summary of studies on pornography. It is not in itself a self help discourse but puts the issue in perspective. God bless all, I am praying. http://www.newoxfordreview.org/note.jsp?did=0110-notes-family Sawyer, Thank you for this heartfelt article. Here is a link to a summary of studies on pornography. It is not in itself a self help discourse but puts the issue in perspective. God bless all, I am praying.
http://www.newoxfordreview.org/note.jsp?did=0110-notes-family

]]> http://www.catholicdadsonline.org/posts/3303/porn-addiction-identification-and-help/comment-page-1/#comment-7363