Catholic Dads » Keeping Your Kids Catholic

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Our Fathers’ House (A short fable)

Ben Trovato — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:18:10 +0000

As it is the Christmas Holiday season, I thought Catholic Dads might have a little more time to read a lengthier post than usual. It is also slightly more tangential to our theme than usual, but I hope it may prove interesting. It is a short fable.

–
Our family – one might almost say dynasty – had been established centuries ago – the origins almost lost in the mists of time. But by the time of the fall of the Roman Empire, the dynasty was firmly established in Rome and with offshoots across Europe.

One of the ways in which the family retained its identity was through architecture. All over Europe, the Family Houses were modeled on the one in Rome. Over time, of course, and with variations in local materials and habitats, local styles were introduced, but always maintaining the clear inspiration, structure and shape of the Roman Mother House. Among the dominant themes of the style were a stress on the vertical, to point to our destiny, an emphasis on the aesthetics of beauty, to stir our souls, and a degree of mystery, to remind us that we don’t know everything.

Somewhere around the 15th century, some pointed out that their local house – and even the Roman Mother House – sometimes leaked, that parts of it were uncomfortable and of dubious origin. Some set about suggesting some modest improvements, but others decided we didn’t need all to live in Houses. We could build our own huts as we saw fit. Many moved out, and became known as the Separated.

Where the Separated were in the majority, they even attacked the local House and tore it apart, revealing in some cases a terrible hatred of everything related to the family from which they were seceding. There was also some lamentable counter-attacking by members of the family and this feuding lasted for generations.

In response to this, the Roman Mother House called a meeting of the Heads of Houses around Europe. They agreed that the Roman Mother House should be tidied up, and that other Houses should conform to it, to ensure they were really fit for purpose. However, they also recognised that some local variations had been around for centuries and were certainly sound, so they did not impose uniformity on these, out of respect for local culture and tradition – and the fact that these Houses were time-hallowed. But of course, even with these variations, the fundamental structure and layout of these Houses corresponded to the Roman Mother House.

By the middle of the 20th century, there were once more a few leaks and draughty corners. There were some lumber rooms that hadn’t been used for ages – indeed it wasn’t clear if they had ever had a use. There was also an urgent desire to reach out to the Separated.

Another meeting of the Heads of Houses from all around the world was convened, and these agreed that the Roman House should be brought up-to-date. They envisaged repairs, a bit of re-decoration, to make the place more weather-proof, more welcoming and lighter, and so on – but nothing too drastic: they explicitly said that nothing should be changed unless the sure and certain good of the family required it. In response to requests from some European countries, they allowed for the possibility of some horizontal structures, though Vertical was to remain the guiding principle.

They then handed over the practical details to a committee, and family members the world over awaited the repairs and refurbishment with eager anticipation.

However, to the astonishment of many, including my parents, what the committee came up with was a totally new building, as an annexe to the House. Where the old had stressed the vertical, the new stressed the horizontal, ‘to emphasise the sense of family,’ (it seemed that the permission for the horizontal had somewhere in the process been taken as outlawing the vertical); where the old had built upwards to the skies, the new was low-level, to be more like the huts and hovels of the Separated (some of whom had in fact been consulted about the design); where the old had seemed mysterious, the new was functional, so it needed no explanation. Where the old had an aesthetic of beauty, the new had an aesthetic of ease, ‘so that everyone can participate.’

The colours were simple and warm, to invite people in – but failed to allow for much reflection once inside; the furnishings were practical, but ugly; the sense of mystery was replaced with a sense of the everyday; the candles with fluorescent lights.

There was no longer a Banqueting Hall, where we could have high feasts and listen to the Family History told by a venerable Story Teller. Instead, there was a large communal kitchen where we were expected to eat in groups, chatting amongst ourselves. Many said that it felt more like a Separated Hut than a House. The Head of the House in England, on seeing the new Roman Model for the first time, declared it fit for women and children, but added, prophetically perhaps, that the men would not feel at home there.

Moreover, the Old House was suddenly declared dangerous, and all were banned from using it. All over the world, Heads of Family, some from a sense of enthusiasm, some reluctantly but loyally, set about building in the new pre-fabricated style. Skips appeared outside, and were soon filed with countless heirlooms that the renovators laughingly threw in, saying they were no longer needed, and merely reflected ancient superstitions.

The new library was found to contain mainly new books. Even the complete Shakespeare had been re-written. Macbeth, Lear, Romeo and Hamlet were nowhere to be seen, as ‘they were too gloomy and nobody would want to read stuff like that any more.’ The comedies remained, but in modern English to make them more accessible. There was Much Ado about Nothing, but Twelfth Night or What You Will had (for some inscrutable reason) become Twelfth Night or the Nearest Sunday. But for the most part, the new Library was full of glossy picture books, and dense modern texts translated from German.

A huge educational programme was put in place for the Heads of Houses, to help them to understand how much better the New was than the Old. Their love of the Old was a personal, sentimental thing: in order to accommodate people today, and also to accomplish a rapprochement with the Separated, the New was essential.

When ordinary family members raised questions or expressed their concerns, they were told not to be so resistant to change, and that the Heads of Houses had ordered these changes. When they pointed out that new building was not the renovation originally agreed in Rome, they were vilified. The newly educated Heads were keen to demonstrate their new learning, and gathered around them others who were enthusiastic about the project, and drove the changes through.

Those who loved the Old Houses suffered a lot at this time. They had grown up exploring every nook and cranny of those dusty lumber rooms that ‘served no practical purpose.’ They had understood the language of the vertical, and had responded to the call of the mysterious. This was their home, a central part of their identity as family members. It pained them to see the skips being carted away full of ‘worthless junk’ that felt to them like their patrimony – and to hear the dismissive laughter of the renovators.

In the English-speaking world, in particular, there was a fashion for long, low windows, to give a simpler view of the world. Those who complained that these limited our view of the sky were ignored or laughed to scorn.

Many, through obedience and love, tried to learn to love the New, and some succeeded. Others suffered on in the New, and many who no longer felt at home in the New Houses moved out. The promised reinvigoration of the worldwide family failed to materialise. The Separated moved further away, rather than closer. The children, who were meant to be especially catered for by the New Houses, left in alarming numbers.

But recently, the new Head of the Roman House has taken action. He has declared that it was mistaken ever to think the Old Houses were unsafe: they may be used again (some local Heads of House in various countries disagree with him, and still maintain the Old to be dangerous – but curiously many of the children have been scampering around exploring the Old and discovering their dusty rooms with delight); the Roman Head has also declared that the vertical is indeed an important principle, and he has implemented a programme of replacing the constricting horizontal windows with vertical ones in the English-speaking world.

He has made it clear that the benefits of the New can be incorporated into the Old, to lessen the draughts and so on; but likewise that the wisdom of the traditions and experience of previous generations made manifest in the Old should be incorporated into the New.

And paradoxically, it is those who so welcomed the change to the New who are resisting this development; and those who are too young to remember it who are delighting in exploring their patrimony in the Old. But perhaps those suffering the most now are those who grew up loving the Old, and through obedience and re-education applied themselves to the New, turning their back on the Old and loyally standing up for the New whenever it was criticised. To expect them to do a second volte-face is perhaps to ask too much – but to allow them to block the restoration of the Old is even more problematic.

And yet, somewhere above the door of Houses both old and New, the family motto, too often ignored, remains: In all things, charity.

More »

Keeping your Kids Catholic: Vocations not careers

Ben Trovato — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 23:04:57 +0000

I’m pretty rushed at present, trying to get lots finished before I close the business down for the Christmas holidays, to spend time with the family.

So just time for a brief post today. However, I have just started to read a very thought-provoking book, by an English Professor of Education, James Tooley. It is called The Miseducation of Women. Its thesis is that the educational establishment, under the influence of ‘equity feminism’ has imposed an education on girls that forces them to try to emulate men, and above all to build successful careers. That leads to conflicts within themselves about the priority of that versus raising a family, and also de-stabilises their relationships with men.

All of which leaves me thinking that as Catholic Dads, we should be educating our kids – girls and boys – primarily with a view to helping them to identify and live out their vocations (whatever they may be), not purely in narrow terms of careers.

The reality is for most women, an important part of the vocation will be motherhood; and that will mean the career necessarily takes second place, at least for a while – so we should educate them to be comfortable with that reality, should it arise. Likewise, we should educate our boys to see ‘husband and father’ as primary vocations, rather than ‘career.’

Of course, boys and girls may have other vocations, religious or otherwise, and should be prepared and supported for that eventuality also.

But educating them solely to be able to earn lots of money and have high-status employment is a very narrow and potentially very damaging path to take: yet that is what our culture expects and values.

So that is this week’s challenge: how to raise our kids to identify their vocations, and have the courage to pursue them faithfully.

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Ant hits 21

Ben Trovato — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 13:09:24 +0000

This week we celebrate another milestone as Antonia turns 21. So that’s it: officially grown up. The first of our children to emerge at the other end from our slightly odd approach to parenting (at least by modern standards). So it is interesting to look back.

Ant is currently at University, where she is studying Maths to Masters level, and looks set to get a first class degree. She is also enjoying a lively social and sporting life. She also practices her Faith with commitment and energy, including co-founding the University’s pro-Life prayer group. She has a non-Catholic boyfriend who is teased by his friends because his girlfriend doesn’t sleep with him. She found a summer job in her first year and was so valued by her employers that they have asked her back every subsequent summer, increasing her pay each time.

Whilst I am (as you will have realised) very proud of her, I am not mentioning these things to boast, but rather because they are unexpected outcomes – at least according to the popular wisdom of the current culture.

I remember when we moved house, when she was 15. The headmaster of her new school was worried on learning that we do not have a television in the house, for religious reasons. He was concerned that we were raising her in a way that would be over-protective, leave her lacking the common ground with her peers to form effective social relationships and so on. By the time she left she had been voted by her peers as the girl they would like to have as head girl, and the head, who has the final say, interviewed her and two others and appointed her.

I have been told that by encouraging her to be modest, I was raising her in ‘a noxious environment’, in which ‘expressing her sexuality’ was ‘bad.’ Yet strangely, she is a mature, confident, and outgoing young lady, able to interact with men and women on equal terms and to have a long-term boyfriend on her terms.

So I stand by our approach, which may be counter cultural, but is actually a time-honoured method, built on the wisdom of generations and particularly on Catholic belief and practice.

Here’s a few things we did as we brought her up that may be at variance with societal norms:

We sat together as a family for our meals
We went for walks together on a regular basis
We didn’t have a TV
We read to the smaller children every night – a book worth reading
We allowed our kids to take a lot of risks (at the physical level) such as climbing trees, exploring the local countryside unsupervised, and taking up exciting hobbies and sports (rock climbing, sailing, etc)
We didn’t allow our kids to hang around in shopping centres or go to sleep-overs or parties where we don’t know and trust the parents concerned
We tried to ensure our kids have a lot of fun – more than their peers
We didn’t buy them much stuff – consumer toys etc
We encouraged them to pursue interests like music seriously
We (their parents) love each other and are committed to staying together no matter what…
We pray together every day

So I guess what I want to say is: dare to be different! It really can work!

More »

Celebrating Advent

Ben Trovato — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 08:34:05 +0000

It may be, as you read this, that you get the impression I am repeating myself (if you were around here last year, and have a very good memory). There’s a reason for that, and it’s called tradition.

There is something wonderful about growing up with an annual cycle of practices which grow ever more familiar over the years and make one’s Faith a part of who one is…

I have written before about how important it is to develop a truly Catholic identity in our kids if we want them to keep the Faith. Celebrating the seasons of the Church’s year is a great way to do this, and Advent is a really good time to start – because it is the start of the Church’s year. So we always make a point of celebrating Advent as distinct from Christmas. To the scandal of our friends, neighbours and the rest of the world – we don’t put up our decorations or Christmas tree till the night of Christmas Eve.

In the meantime, we celebrate Advent: the preparation for Our Lord’s coming. We have a number of traditions that reinforce this.

The most obvious is the Advent wreath: our Advent always starts with an expedition to cut holly for the wreath, and having done this all their lives, the kids now see this as an essential part of the preparation for Christmas. The holly is then wound into a wire frame I made years ago (slightly squashed now!) which also has four holders for candles built into it: the three purple and one pink candle that are traditional for an Advent wreath.

When out looking for holly, we also collect a small branch of a tree, with plenty of twigs on it. This will be our Jesse tree. On our return, we climb into the loft and seek out a bag which contains out Advent calendars. Rather than buy new ones every year, we have collected four (one for each kid) many years ago, and they are now old family friends!

So at prayer time each evening, we have a reading about a character from the Old Testament, and his (or her) emblem is hung on the Jesse tree while we sing O Come O Come Emmanuel. We follow that with the opening collect from the appropriate Sunday Mass (Extraordinary Form: wonderful prayers). That is simply because they were the prayers my parents always used: I didn’t know their source till I asked my mother, but for me (and now for the rest of my family) they are an essential part of the ritual.

Then we say our usual bedtime prayers around the wreath. Then the kids open the window in their Advent calendar. Finally we sing the Advent hymn to Our Lady, the Alma Redemptoris Mater.

And because we have followed this routine – or to be more accurate, ritual – every year since Antonia, our eldest was 4 or 5 (and she’s now nearly 21), it is simply how Advent is; and now that Ant and Bernie are away at University, that’s what they do every evening, too (we even had to send their Advent calendars to them!)

So that’s the challenge for this week: what Advent rituals do you want to establish for your kids? Put them in place, repeat them every year for 10 years or more – and they will be an indelible part of your kids’ identity!

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Standing up and being counted…

Ben Trovato — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 22:00:17 +0000

So far, I have focussed very much on the father’s role within the family, and the various ways in which he can influence his children’s upbringing with a view to helping them to keep their Faith.

However, every now and then, one has no choice but to stand up and be counted in the world beyond the home.

Such an occasion has just arisen with us: Charlie came home and told me that in Religious Education, they had started to watch a film ‘Keeping Mum’ with a view to studying how religion is portrayed in the media.

The film is extremely unsuitable for any children, let alone Catholic ones. It features blasphemy, profanity, sexual titillation and the morals of the gutter, all presented as normal and the ‘other worldliness’ of the religious character as something to be laughed at.

I would not have known any of this, except that, as it happens, another Catholic Dad in England had encountered the same thing in his (Catholic) school, and after appealing in vain to the school to change tack, started to blog about it.

So I have had to write to our kids’ (non-Catholic) school, explaining why we believe this to be inappropriate, and asking them to refrain from showing it.

I always find these things difficult: on the one hand, I am genuinely shocked that they could have thought it suitable, and angry that Charlie has already been exposed to profanity and blasphemy in the class room. On the other hand, I don’t want to alienate the school, who have been very good in most other ways, not least handling a previous complaint about an RE textbook, which they immediately corrected – and told the children they had and why.

Moreover, my wife has an intense dislike of any sense of confrontation and is much more involved in the school than I am, so will be the focus of any unpleasantness.

Nonetheless, I felt I had no choice but to write and express our reservations, and ask for a change of policy.

So then it was a matter of drafting a letter. The first was too angry; the second too flabby (you can see an early draft on my blog, if you’re interested, where I will also report on the school’s response, when I receive it). I had to keep re-working it to try to find the right balance of veritas and caritas: truth and charity. For I do not want to offend the school but influence them – but I also need to be very clear about my concerns, the reason for them and the strength of them. All of which is very difficult (at least, for me).

Which all leads to this question: when do we have to stand up and be counted – and how do we find the courage and grace to do that – if we are to keep our kids Catholic?

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: A Sacramental Life

Ben Trovato — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 09:57:59 +0000

On Saturday, a bishop hit my daughter. It’s ok: she was being confirmed, and that is part of the traditional rite. It is designed to remind the person being confirmed that he or she may be required to suffer for the Faith, and rather beautifully is accompanied by the words Pax tecum (peace be with you).

And so Dominique has now received the fullness of her initiation into the Church, and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit in a personal Pentecost: and we had a big celebration to mark the occasion.

In preparation for this, she had been on a retreat a couple of weeks ago, and of course been to confession (for the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that one must be in a state of grace to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation §1310).

This is the last ‘new’ sacrament that any of my kids will receive until one of them marries, or (in the case of Charlie) is ordained, or faces death.

Confession and communion recur on a regular basis, of course, as the nourishment for their spiritual journey through life; and this pattern of some sacraments recurring, and others being once-in-a-lifetime celebrations had me reflecting on the whole sacramental system.

It is one of the most distinctive features of Catholicism: and if one wants to keep one’s kids Catholic, then a rich and full sacramental life is essential.

Obviously, we can only celebrate Confirmation once, but ideally we should be marking every Mass we attend with something like the same sense of celebration. The Mass is, if anything, more important than the other sacraments: it is the source and summit of our sacramental life. But of course, because we go so frequently, it is easy to take it for granted.

The other regular sacrament is Confession or Reconciliation. Again, this should be marked by celebration too: Our Lord waits for us, welcomes us, listens to us, forgives us and heals us. If we really believed that – if we imagined we had the chance to get into a time machine and go to Bethany or Caphernaum or somewhere for a private audience with Him – how would we respond? Even if we knew the subject of that private audience was our confessing our sins and asking his forgiveness…

So there’s the challenge for this week: how do we keep the reality of the sacraments alive in our kids’ minds, so that they are enthused about Mass and Confession?

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Right Relationships

Ben Trovato — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:52:30 +0000

It is a profound truth that nothing is created evil. At the beginning of Genesis, God looked at creation and saw that it was good; and He looked at mankind and saw that it was very good.

From this the theologians have realised that evil is typically the seeking of one good (say, happiness) in ways that are opposed to other goods (say, truthfulness). Thus a child may tell a lie to stay out of trouble. The child’s intention (happiness) is a good one: it is in fact God’s ultimate plan for us. But the means he or she uses are not good: and that is damaging both to the child and to the good he or she seeks. Ultimately we will not be happy if we build our lives on lies rather than truth.

So one of our roles as Catholic Dads is to help our kids to understand the right relationship between various goods; in particular to help them to look at the longer term good rather than be seduced by short-term pleasures.

Otherwise we spoil our children; quite literally: we ruin them. If we indulge their short term desires and teach them that that is the way to live, we deny them the development in maturity that they will need if they are to grow spiritually (and emotionally and psychologically, come to that).

This project is, of course, totally at odds with the culture in which we find ourselves. A consumer culture relies on us striving to make ourselves happy by acquiring things – and also relies on us not being happy each time we do so, so that we move on to our next purchase.

In the same way, fidelity and life-giving monogamy are the God-given and time-tested ways to achieve something approaching lasting happiness in human love. But our culture hates our bearing witness to that truth, as it implies that the path of self-fulfilment through ever-changing romantic relationships is in fact childish and perverse – as it is.

One of the most important ways to help our children develop the necessary virtues is to teach them to practice self-denial. That builds the habitual ability to say no to the immediate gratification of desires, in the knowledge that the future will be better as a result. It can start early, with our approach to food, bedtimes, TV watching and so on. Then as they grow, we can let it develop in other areas of their lives.

And kids get this stuff: they know that an athlete who fails to train, eats junk food and parties all night is not going to be able to perform.

Once kids understand that the laws of the Church are the same as the rules a coach might give an athlete, we have made some real progress: if you want this prize, then here’s how to win it.

As we persevere down this path, they will start to enjoy it: they learn to love salad, early rising, occasional treats rather than perpetual indulgence. Life has more flavour and more variety.

And as with everything we try to teach our kids, personal example is the pre-requisite. Unless we live lives of self-denial and spiritual discipline, we cannot reasonably expect them to do so. Sometimes, it is important to have things as standards within your household: the way we do things here. But it is also sometimes best not parade these things in front of them, but let them discover them over time – say when they ask specifically what we do for charity. In that way they feel that they are entering ever deeper into understanding what Catholic life is really like.

So that’s the challenge for this week: to consider how we can teach our kids the right relationships between competing goods: the short term and the long term, the transient and the eternal…

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Children of Mary

Ben Trovato — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 08:14:21 +0000

You know the old thing about a fish can’t see the water it’s swimming in? I was reminded of that when I realised that I had been writing this column for more than a year, and have not yet mentioned devotion to our Blessed Mother Mary.

One of the surest ways to keep your kids Catholic is to foster a devotion to our Heavenly Mother. Both boys and girls, possibly for different reasons, respond very well to this.

Some of the ways in which we’ve encouraged this have been celebrating May as the month of Mary, including crowning her statue; giving the kids good books to read about Our Lady; making sure we say the Angelus and the Rosary every day; discussing her role in the Gospels and in the Mysteries of the Rosary; going on Marian retreats and pilgrimages and so on.

Of all these, the Rosary is probably the most powerful and important: and the stories around it, especially of Lourdes and Fatima, support that – and really appeal to kids, as children are at the heart of them.

Something you may find valuable to keep the Rosary alive (or to keep the kids’ minds alive during the Rosary, to be more accurate!) is a practice I read about somewhere – possibly in St Louis de Montfort’s writings on the Rosary. It is the practice of inserting a clause, after the Holy Name of Jesus, in each Hail Mary, that relates to the decade upon which we are meditating.

Thus, during the first decade, the Annunciation, one might pray:

‘and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus: whose coming was announced by Gabriel.’ That helps everyone to remember which mystery we are praying, and also prevents the Hail Marys from being said parrot-fashion, as the pattern is interrupted each time.

I like to try to find a different thing to say for each Hail Mary: that adds up to ten mini-meditations on the mystery for each decade (so for the second Hail Mary of the first decade, one might pray ‘and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus: whom you accepted for us all by your gracious assent,’ and so on).

This will keep the kids (and the parents) attentive: whoever is leading the decade has to think up the additions in live time and the others are always struck by them. It may also lead to interesting questions or discussions afterwards, if someone says something surprising.

The other thing the kids love is singing the Marian antiphon of the season at the end of evening prayers. Salve Regina for most of the year, but with the Alma Redmptoris, Ave Regina Caelorum and Regina Caeli at their proper times.

It also helps that so many Marian prayers and hymns are so beautiful: a personal favourite is the Memorare:

Remember, O most loving Virgin Mary, that it is a thing unheard of that anyone ever had recourse to thy protection, implored thy help or sought thine intercession and was left forsaken. Filled therefore with confidence in thy goodness, to thee I fly, O Mother, Virgin of virgins; to thee I come, before thee I stand, a sorrowful sinner. Despise not my words, Mother of the Word Incarnate, but graciously hear and grant my prayer.

Another wonderful prayer is the oldest extant prayer to Our Lady, found on a papyrus dating from the 3rd century, the Sub Tuum Praesidium:

We fly to thy patronage, O holy Mother of God; despise not our petitions in our necessities, but deliver us always from all dangers, O glorious and blessed Virgin. Amen.

So from the kids’ perspective all these things form a strong bedrock for their Faith. But there is the other dimension too: Our Lady will not leave such prayers unanswered, and her maternal protection is surely the most powerful aspect of this devotion.

So that’s this week’s challenge: how do you foster a real devotion to Our Lady in your kids?

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Raising them as Pro-Lifers

Ben Trovato — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 11:46:42 +0000

The most fundamental reason to keep our kids Catholic is because it is God’s will for them, and the surest way to help them to gain the eternal salvation which is their destiny. But it is also true that there is a crucial role for them to play in society as Catholics.

One of the greatest evils and injustices in our society is abortion, and I believe it our kids generation that will be able to resolve this. To some extent the tide is already turning: the number of medics prepared to undertake abortions is in decline, and polls of medical students (in the UK at least) suggest that trend will continue.

The idealogues who are committed to abortion are largely of the 60’s and 70’s generations: many younger adults and teens have an appreciation that it is not the great solution to all women’s problems that the earlier feminists thought it was.

But we need to ensure that the generation that follows is as strongly pro-life as possible: and our kids are a great place to start.

People occasionally assume that I am pro-life because I am Catholic. In fact it would be as accurate to say that I remained a Catholic because I am pro-life. As a student, when it would have been easy to drift away from the Church it was the Church’s strong pro-life stance that kept me committed.

In my experience, kids – especially as they reach adolescence – need causes to believe in and to fight for, and the pro-life one is a great example of that. So bringing your kids up with an awareness of the pro-life cause, and the chance to engage with it serves several ends:

It addresses one of the greatest evils of our age – and at a time when there is a real chance for progress (I mean over the next decades, not this year, alas…)
It gives them a cause – tangible and value-driven – to which they can commit
It helps them see the importance and relevance of Catholic witness in today’s world
It may help them stick with the Church at a phase in their life when it would be easy to lapse

The pro-life cause also provides a great way into catechesis on so many levels: the Church’s teaching about morality, clearly; but also the commandment to offer practical help to those in distress; to speak the truth in charity, when you may be rejected and reviled; to bear courageous witness on behalf of the voiceless – and so on.

So there’s this week’s challenge: how can we, as Catholic Dads, raise pro-life kids with a truly Catholic perspective on this vital issue?

More »

Keeping Your Kids Catholic: Memento Mori

Ben Trovato — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 07:31:18 +0000

A long time ago, when Ant was little, our Parish Priest died unexpectedly on Christmas Day.

We explained to Ant that he had died, and she (at the age of about 4) said: ‘Is he in the kitchen?’ So we tried to explain again that he was dead, that he wouldn’t be saying Masss for us any more, but she interrupted impatiently. She’d understood that, but what she wanted to know was ‘Is he in the kitchen?’

We were both puzzled and amused, but our laughter meant that Ant wouldn’t explain her question. It took some time for the explanation to emerge. Apparently some time previously, the hamster at her pre-school playgroup had died, and the playgroup leaders had laid it on a piece of kitchen paper on the kitchen table, so that those children who wished to could see the body and say goodbye.

As this was Ant’s only prior experience of death, she naturally assumed that this was the normal procedure, and presumably expected the parish to file past Father’s body in the kitchen to pay our last respects.

In fact, we went to his funeral instead.

Since then we have had many hamsters die, and involved the kids in their burial, and we have had a few relations die, and been to their funerals. I would go so far as to say that one of the reasons we keep pets is to teach the kids about death, and the difference between the death of an animal, which is final, and the death of a human, which is not.

We live in a culture that hides death away. There is plenty of fantasy death on the screens we watch, but the reality is removed from view. Despite their wishes, many people die in hospital rather than at home surrounded by their family; and even when people die at home, children are often excluded.

I think that is not healthy. Death is where we are all headed, and is the gateway to eternal life. As it says in the Mass for the Dead (and indeed on my parents’ gravestone): Tuis fidelibus, Domine, vita mutatur, non tollitur: for thy faithful people, O Lord, life is changed, not ended.

There is a long cultural tradition in the arts of the memento mori, the reminder that we shall all die: the skull in the corner of a still life, for example; in the liturgy too: every Ash Wednesday we used to be reminded: Remember Man that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return. Funerals were solemn occasions where we prayed for the dead, with a priest vested in black, rather than celebrated their life with a priest vested in white. We used to be exhorted to meditate on the Four Last Things before going to sleep every night.

We have put a lot of this behind us, possibly reacting to an over-emphasis that was not helpful – but I fear we may have over-reacted the other way and lost that sense of our ultimate destiny. Finally, we should all live our lives in the light of the four great certainties: death, judgement, Heaven and Hell.

So there’s a challenge for this week: how do we bring our kids up with a correct understanding of the transience of this life and their eternal destiny, without tipping the balance too far into a morbid disdain of the blessings which a loving God bestows upon us in this brief life?

More »