CNA Columns: Catholic & Single

Fr. McCloskey: Starting a Family Later in Life

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Fr. C. John McCloskey discusses issues facing those who want to start a family later in life. (Read more)

Fr. McCloskey: Putting Off Marriage

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Anthony spoke with Fr. C. John McCloskey about why putting off marriage is common in society today and is often a mistake. (Read more)

Fr. McCloskey: Self-Giving within Marriage

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Anthony interviewed Fr. C. John McCloskey about how giving of oneself is at the heart of all true friendships, especially the unique friendship of marriage. (Read more)

The frustration of getting no reply

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Dear Anthony,

Why can�t people show common Christian courtesy and send a reply to a message? I know you have spoken about this in the past, but it�s just too frustrating and I am wondering what the point is anymore of using the site if this is just going to keep happening. What am I missing?

The question of why people do not get a reply to a message sent is still one of the most common questions I deal with. Not a week goes by without getting an email from a frustrated member dealing with this issue. It�s been a problem with online dating from the beginning, and it shows no signs of going away. (Read more)

Fr. McCloskey: Happiness in Marriage

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Anthony interviews Fr. C. John McCloskey about finding happiness in the context of marriage. (Read more)

What should I do when I find myself becoming attracted to an old friend?

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Dear Anthony,

I�m a single woman and I�ve been good friends with a single man for several years. Lately I find myself comparing other men to him and seeing that no one measures up, and I feel upset whenever he talks about other women. And now, in addition to the emotional attraction, I find myself attracted to him physically. I have no idea how he would feel about all this, though, and I�m afraid to find out. Where do I go from here?

It sounds like you are in love. And that means you want to move forward to the next level with this man and things will never be the same again. You have to accept that reality. Things will never be the same! There is no going back to �the way it was�. You are attracted to him in every way and you now cannot see your life without him. It is probably that reality that keeps you from addressing this with him because you are afraid to lose him. (Read more)

He�s too busy to meet me

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

By Anthony Buono

Dear Anthony,

I�ve been in regular contact with a man in writing and on the phone for a couple of months. When I mentioned to him that we should plan to meet in person, he said he has so much going on in his life right now that he doesn�t want to add to it by setting up a time to meet me. I�m at a loss. Am I right to be concerned?

You are absolutely right to be concerned. Men who do this make women feel as if they are doing the woman a favor. That is not good! Doesn�t it make sense that a man should make a woman feel he is interested in her? Of course it does. Does indicating that he has a lot going on in his life make a woman feel as if he is interested in her? Of course not. So you have done enough, and have gone as far as you need to in order to know if this particular man has interest in you. The least he could have done is say how much he would enjoy meeting you in person as he states any facts about his being too busy to do it at this time. He has clearly said to you that he has better things to do than to meet you in person, so it�s time to move on. (Read more)

Is there a "call" to marriage after not having the call for years prior?

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500
By Anthony Buono

Dear Anthony,

I take exception to the assumption you make in your column "The Call to Marriage" that there is only a calling to the priesthood and that marriage is a default position. This point of view is valid only for someone who has never lost hope in either the possibility of love or the sacrament of marriage. Those who have no good role models for marriage and who view marriage as temporary and always ending in separation or divorce because of examples set by parents, relatives, or friends, do in fact get a "call" to be married. My view of marriage for many years was that it does not work. I had lost any hope that I would have a lasting marriage and had simply decided I would not get married. After returning to the Church I began to get this call indicating that my assumptions about marriage were wrong. A divorced coworker, commenting on my attitude toward marriage, said I should try it, it might not turn out the way his did. I am getting a distinct "calling" that my abandonment of hope for a permanent marriage is not warranted. Marriage as a default position may hold for the small percentage of young adults who come from stable families with good role models, but for average young adults (and even older ones like me) who see long-term marriage as rare, and have few good role models, God does indeed call to tell them there is a chance for something different in their flawed concept of marriage.

Thank you for taking the time to share this. I can appreciate your position. But you are definitely coming from a different perspective than I was. The points and observations you make about marriage are very good and important. But they are from the perspective of marriage as it is NOT meant to be. In other words, you are citing things about marriage based on the failure of human beings at trying to make marriage work. (Read more)

How should I deal with my boyfriend�s past sexual experiences?

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0500
By Anthony Buono

Dear Anthony,

Do you have any advice for a dating couple with a difference in past sexual experiences? (I have had none; my boyfriend has had some.) In Patricia Wrona�s book The Exclamation, she writes that it is better if a couple is equally yoked, i.e., both virgins rather than one virgin and one very experienced. I agree with her that it shouldn�t be a deal breaker, but it is awkward. Also, it bothers me that in conversation my boyfriend occasionally mentions the name of someone from his past sexual experiences.

Sexual experiences in a person�s past are never a �deal breaker.� What matters is how a person has dealt with his or her promiscuous past.

I think a virgin has every right to desire marrying another virgin. They are just getting so scarce, however, that I worry that a person will miss out on or postpone their vocation (which is the higher good) because of this desire. If a virgin is willing to take the risk, then by all means they should seek another virgin. (Read more)

Should one be debt-free before marrying?

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0500
By Anthony Buono

Dear Anthony,

I�m dating a man who�s great in every way but he happens to be deeply in debt (not through his own fault), and he is working on becoming debt-free before marriage. I�m a bit concerned about his situation and wondered if you have any thoughts.

I believe this man is taking his financial situation too seriously. Everyone has some money issues of one kind or another. There are many, many people who have happy marriages and have financial struggles. Money should NEVER get in the way of love. In fact, it is love that will help a person get through their problems of any kind. I strongly suggest that you both get serious DESPITE the debt or money struggles. But you need to show incredible support for him personally, and trust with him financially. When a man is not happy in his work or is out of work, it really makes him sink inside. So a good woman will be there to tell him it is okay, she loves him, she believes in him, she is praying for him, and she knows it will all work out. He then should respond with strength and courage. If he does not, then he is sinning. Jesus does not want us to allow any problems to weigh us down to the point of losing ourselves and affecting the people around us. That would be a sin because it is a sin of pride (to believe we should have ultimate control over our situation). As long as he is doing something about it and doing what he can, he should be admired. No one is guaranteed financial security in this life. But the gift of love of two people to each other is immeasurable and solid and constant, and gets two people through anything. (Read more)