Beyond that, I remember what it felt like last year, (heck, and the year before too) when I stayed home while every blogger I read and wanted to meet was headed for San Francisco. Can you say burning flames of jealousy? I don’t want to make anyone reading here feel that way. Just know my friends, that I wish ALL of you were able to go to Chicago so I could meet each and every one of you.

In any case, most of the BlogHer posts I’ve read have basically been about angst. As in; don’t have any and you will be fine. Good advice, I can live with that. For some reason I’m not at all nervous about flying to Chicago on my own and meeting some 1,000 or so other bloggers. (Mostly) Women bloggers. Geeky (mostly) women bloggers. There’s no reason to have angst about meeting other geeks/dorks/nerds, right? Right. I mean I know I’m one anyway.

Anyway, here is my list of what I will be doing at BlogHer:

• Hug everyone I meet. I’m a hugger. You’ve been warned. Some people that I really want to get my hands on will get double or triple hugs. You should know who you are by now.
• Text everyone whose cell number I have - so I can find them and - you guessed it - hug them. If you’re reading this and I don’t have your cell number you need to email me right now. And you can have mine too.
• Not have any angst.
• Go to every single party I possibly can go to. Um, and probably some sessions too. Heh. I counted and I’m rsvp’d to five different parties on Friday night alone, not counting the official BlogHer cocktail party. Oh, my.
• Cheer on the 5k participants when they cross the finish line Friday morning. And probably hug them too.
• Squeeze (get it?) every bit of fun I can out of the time I’m there.

And now here’s the list of what I will not be doing at BlogHer:

• Have angst. Nope, none.
• Drink copious amounts of alcohol even thought it will be readily available. I’m sure I’ll be popular with those wanting my extra drink tickets. I didn’t say I wouldn’t have A drink, just not multiple ones. I just don’t know how my body would react to it right now.
• Sleeping. I can sleep when I get on the plane home.
• Bowling. Even though I rsvp’d to BowlHer I can’t actually lift a bowling ball right now. You’ll find me lounging somewhere in the bowling alley. Or hugging people who are trying to bowl.
• Carrying other people’s babies around. Not that I won’t want to, but I won’t be able to lift them either. If you have a baby and you want me to hold it, just tell me to sit first and I’m so there. Just don’t go to far away so I can give it back. Cause that’s the best part about other people’s babies - giving them back.
• Worrying about clothes and shoes. I will be cute and I will be comfortable, but I will not stress. I have my $3.99 fake spanx and I will be fine no matter what I wear over them.

There. That’s it. I did it. That’s my first real pre-BlogHer post. I hope it was good enough. (Oops, that was my angst showing.) Kidding!!

Seriously, though, you all know I’m KIDDING. I really don’t have angst. I’m just a little snarky.

Introducing: Tiny Spidey in Florida!

Hmm. Not such an interesting view out the hotel window. At least the palm tree is in the perfect spot in case Spidey has to swing out and rescue someone though!

Oh, Spidey has a conference to attend.

Good thing he brought his iphone to sit on, the better to see if trouble is brewing amongst all those journalists. Who apparently are invisible, or something.

Ahhh, back in the room, time to relax.

Wait, are you watching the news again? You media people never stop working. Take a nap Spidey, you look a little tense.

And come home soon, we miss you.

Today was different, I finally felt okay to drive. I needed to get over to the library and since we were out anyway, I treated Josh to lunch too. It was a pretty good day, spent reading, working, playing, and poring over hand me downs for Josh from one of my friends.

We spent the weekend being lazy. I read actual books. Junk books, but still, I took the opportunity and just read, read, read. Josh played in the sunshine, watched some movies, and um, did my laundry.

See, I’m not supposed to lift anything, laundry baskets included. So Damon had done a load for me before he left, but it was still in the dryer. Josh wanted something to do so I told him to take the laundry out of the dryer, put it in the basket and bring it over to the bottom of the stairs. I figured I could at least get what I needed out of it from there. Next thing I knew he had that basket all the way up 2 flights of stairs, up to my bedroom. Needless to say I was a little surprised. He’s strong but I didn’t know he’s THAT strong! He got $.50 for that chore!

It’s been a tough couple of week for Josh. He’s trying not to show it, but he was very worried about me while I was in the hospital. He asks a lot of questions and he’s very gentle around me, but I can tell it bothers him that I hurt. He hasn’t expressed fear, but I know it is, or at least was, there.

Then right on top of it, his dad has to leave for six days. Not a trip he could possibly cancel. This is always hard for Josh, every night of every trip. But this time seems different, sadder. At midnight last night he appeared in my doorway, not crying, not wailing, not whining. Just full of sorrow.

He spent the rest of the night in my room curled up on his dad’s side of the bed, finally peaceful. Of course I let him stay with me, I couldn’t possibly had done otherwise. The thought of sending him back to his own lonely room just seemed downright mean.

The days are a little easier, they seem normal, like Damon is just at work. But the evenings, it’s the evenings where I have to be gentle with him. We read forever, sometimes me to him, sometimes him to me, sometimes side by side, each with our own book. I let him stay up a little extra, to let him get more tired. It doesn’t really help.

A few minutes ago he cried again. We sat on the stairs in the dark and I held him close while he told me that his heart is broken in two. If this is only day 3, how bad will his little heart be by Thursday?

I’m just glad this is the last business trip for a very long time. Because my own heart can’t take much more of my boy’s sadness.

I’m a stomach sleeper. Always have been. I hate, hate, hate sleeping on my back. Needless to say I can’t sleep on mah belly right now. Or even my side. So I don’t sleep much at all really. Kinda stinks since sleep is what I need the most right now.

Work is tough because I just feel so overwhelmed by how much I need to get done, and yet my brain, she cannot focus. Big bad cycle that is.

Thank god for good friends who have taken my boy for playdates a few days this week. Especially Kristen who had him from 8am to 5pm yesterday. I really needed that. Like desperately.

Speaking of desperation. Damon leaves for another business trip tomorrow. Early Saturday am to late Thursday pm. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to manage.

I can’t even drive yet but I’m hoping to feel up to it in the next couple of days. I’m off all the pain killers so I’m allowed, yet my stomach muscles just don’t feel right and I don’t know what my reaction time would be if I had to slam on the brakes or something.

I still have nothing (no really) to wear to BlogHer and shopping this weekend is out of the question. Next weekend my home girl Nicole is going to drive me around and carry my bags so I can at least get something cute to wear. That hopefully fits. (Good lord, Tim Gunn is going to be at BlogHer Saturday so I need one good outfit!)

My body is so strange right now. I’ve lost an additional 7 lbs due to my all-liquid-all-the-time diet in the hospital. (Not including the 15 lbs of IV fluid gain/loss too.) However, my stomach feels very swollen and I can’t yet button the size I was in before I went into the hospital. That really stinks. I’m hoping the swelling goes down before I need to try on clothes.

The good news is that extra 7 lbs - if it stays off - brings me to a grand total of 34 pounds lost. (Okay so yesterday I subtracted in my head and it was 39. I’m going with 34 but it might really be 39 - I’m losing track of where I started.)

Thirty freaking four pounds. I’ve never been this committed, not ever. Now I just have to get past this little gallbladder hurdle and get back on track. Well, in about five more weeks that is. I do worry that as I feel better my appetite will come back I will put some pounds back on while I can’t exercise. Worry, worry.

Sorry this post was so random! I just looked back and it’s just a jumble, but I’m going to leave it that way, because that’s just where my head is at this moment. I shoulda just done bullets.

xoxo

My boy and my man are falling over themselves to help me. Josh brings me pillows where ever I sit so I can prop up my arms and my back. He likes to be needed and he’s great at fetching. Damon is in the doting phase. Don’t go up the stairs without telling me. Do you need something to eat/drink? Did you take your drugs. Where are you going to sleep? I’m not sure he likes to be needed so much, but he’s pretty good at it.

Everyday has to just get better from here, and I expect I won’t blog about it so much from here out. Even I’m a bit bored by my blog. Of course the only other thing to talk about is omg how far behind I am in work now that I’ve lost an entire week! Let’s not acknowledge that yet though. Let’s stay in blissful ignorance of the looming paperwork.

Okay, changing subject, so at least one of you admitted to wanting to see some staples. Heh. I will set it up so those of you who don’t want to don’t have to! If you’re in a feed reader or you’ve already clicked over the to the actual post instead of the main page there’s nothing I can do to help you on this one - just stop scrolling right now! Click Read More below to continue reading and to see the photo. If you’re grossed out by that I’ll say good bye here.

This was taken this morning with my sister’s computer so it’s grainy and blurry but at least we remembered to take it! I also cropped in a little cause you know, it’s of the slightly embarrassing variety photo . The RR tracks going off the page on the left there, do continue on and wrap around to the side a bit. Since the pic was taken my doc had every other staple taken out to help the healing process, but only because I am healing well and quickly on my own was she able to do that. Yay! The rest will be taken out later this week.

Okay, in all it’s glory is my wounded belly! (This one’s for you Moonspun!)

Anything that looks purple is bruising, and anything that looks red is healing. It’s not red in a bad infection sort of way. The surgeon was very happy with how this looked. Gag.

This pic also doesn’t show you the other two small incisions - one of them being IN my belly button. Ewwww. And also Ouch.

Now that I’ve sufficiently grossed everyone out I’ll say goodnight. xoxo

I was seen by my surgeon’s PA late in the morning. She was awesome. She did pull the big honkin’ bandage off of my abdomen and I got my first glimpse of the train tracks on my belly. Well, shit.

I have the small incisions from where they tried to do the laparoscopic procedure as well as the long incision across the top of the stomach towards the right where they had to open me up. Who wants a pic? Hubby votes no, I shouldn’t publish one and Caro votes yes, I should. She’s seen it and didn’t faint so I’m leaning towards her side. Damon will probably never willingly see it anyway! If y’all want to see a photo I swear I’ll post one.

I lost count at 32 staples. Lost the count only because I can’t really see them all from my perspective. But still, that’s a lot of staples. These aren’t the kind you use to hold a few pieces of paper together either. These look like the kind that you build your freaking house with. Yikes. I only remember having 10 or 12 staples with my c-sec. It’s hard to believe, but this surgery was more invasive than that one was.

In any case I was also cleared for…dun dun dun…a shower! Just in time for my sister to get here. Did you know they actually saran wrap your IV to keep it dry? I had one arm completely covered and I couldn’t even bend my elbow, but still, I got a shower! There is nothing better when you’ve gone for days without one. I would take a shower over food at this point. Good thing too, since I haven’t actually had food yet. Broth is good, broth is gooood, broth is gooooooood. ~sigh~

In any case, laughter is really good medicine and I hit the real pain meds less often because I had snickers and snorts for my anesthetic all day and into the night. Yes, she even slept over in my room and put up with all the many noises and interruptions that come with nighttime in the hospital.

Hopefully today will bring more good news. I might get off the IV. Maybe the staples can come out - I don’t know if they do that before they release me or at a follow-up visit. (I know with my c-sec they were pulled on day 3 but it’s hard to judge by that.) Maybe I’ll finally even fart. That I definitely have to do before I can bust outta here! Sheesh.

I really don’t know if I can go home today or tomorrow, no one is ready to say. But I’ll let you all know as soon as I find out.

Thank you again for all of your well wishes and I’m sorry I don’t have anything else to talk about! I hope everyone had a fantastic Fourth of July. (I got to see Nashua’s fireworks display right out my window last night!) It’s okay to tell me if you went to a bbq, I don’t mind living vicariously! xoxo

Tomorrow they take off the humongous itchy bandage and check the incisions and staples. It most definitely hurts but I am walking a fine balance wire of pain meds versus handling the pain. I still have dilauded on the little clicker that I control. That means I can keep clicking once every 15-20 minutes and keep the pain at bay all day long if I want. But that comes with price - it makes me uncontrollably sleepy. I would never be able to leave the bed.

Getting up and walking around is the only way to make the healing go faster. It’s the only part of this I can control. So I forgo the meds when I can in order to stay mobile and lucid. When I can’t take the pain anymore I click that sucker, take a nap for awhile, then do it all over again in an hour or two.

I still have not had any real food. Just jello, popsicles, and juice. Funny thing is, I’m not really hungry. The only thing I crave is a shower. Maybe tomorrow after the incision check? I can only hope.

Also tomorrow, my sister Carolyn comes to visit me - overnight even! It’s good, because I can tell that as I’m feeling better I’m getting antsy about being here so very long and I’ll need the distraction. The only bad thing about her visiting is that when we are together we tend to giggle like a couple of crazy loons and oh, does it ever hurt to laugh right now!

More tomorrow. xoxo

I had my surgery at 6:00 pm last night, and unfortunately they couldn’t to it laparoscopically. They did have to cut me open. Ouch. It’s a setback but I’m trying to stay light about it. That’s not working too well.

I still haven’t had any food. Not even broth. I just now got a little apple juice to sip at because I’m so sick of ice chips I whined until the doc let me have it. Sheesh. It’s not like I’m asking for a steak dinner.

I can’t seem to stop having crying jags. I don’t know if that’s the pain killers or the lack of calories or just the overall frustration.  I’m not a cute crier. I’m puffy, and red, and have bloodshot eyes. Because I wasn’t unattractive enough wearing a johnny. Well, really 2 johnnys - the extra one to cover my butt when they actually let me walk around.

The highlight of the day both Tues. and Weds. was my shower. No really. Both were a major production. But it was the only thing that felt good either day.

I don’t get to have a shower today. Or tomorrow either. Because the big bandage on my belly has to stay there at least 48 hours. Yes, I do have deodorant!

I can’t go home probably until Sunday. Sunday. That feels like light years away.

Josh is going to my MIL’s tonight. She and her husband drove all the way here - 3 hours each way - to come get him for us. He was supposed to go this weekend for the 4th of July festivities anyway, he’s just going a day early now.

I can’t run my 5K on Saturday. Obviously. But I can’t get over how bummed out I am about it. I really wanted to do this. I had set myself a personal goal and I so badly wanted to achieve it. I know I will do it another time, but I’m just not done being annoyed about it.

I never mentioned to you all that I also signed up for the BlogHer Chicago 1st annual 5K on the Friday morning of the conference. Now I can’t do that one either and it bums me out even more, if that’s possible really. I can only hope that by then I’ll be okay to go cheer on the others, but I just don’t know. At this point as long as I’m cleared to fly to Chicago I have to be happy.

I’m still waiting to find out how long it’s going to be before I’m allowed to do any exercise. 4 weeks? 6? That’s almost the whole summer. So much for my running schedule.

Anyway there is a lot of stuff buzzing through my brain right now. I can’t keep my eyes open anymore so I have to end this. I’m sure I’ll post more tomorrow, maybe then I’ll have some answers.

Btw. I can’t even tell you all how much your comments here, on facebook, and on twitter have helped me get through these last two days. You all made me laugh and cry and have just generally cheered me up every time I opened my computer and found new notes from so many different people in my life. I will never forget that. xoxo

I’m having surgery sometime this afternoon. Hopefully it will go easily and be done laproscopically so I can go home tomorrow and heal fast. If they have to open me up I’ll be stuck here for a few more days.

My friends. I have not eaten anything since Monday evening. Raspberry Italian Ices do not count as food. I was only allowed clear effing liquids all day yesterday. Up until midnight. Now I’m denied even the smallest sip of water. Clearly I’m a prisoner and I’m being tortured! Isn’t withholding food against the Geneva Convention?? All I get are these little green sponges on a stick to dip in ice water and wet my mouth. Unacceptable I say. Unacceptable! I’m ready to chew those dang sponges. They look a little like jolly ranchers!

I have to say thank you to my lovely husband who thank God had this week off anyway so he can take care of Josh, and he brought me my computer last night. What more could a girl ask for? (Food would be nice!)

Also, my friend Nicole who babysat last night while Damon had his final exam last night AND she mopped my floors! I know for a fact she mopped in places I haven’t touched since I moved in three years ago! She’s taking care of Josh again this afternoon so Damon can be here while I have my surgery. AND she bought me the pretty blue nail polish I wanted so I can have sparkly toes for BlogHer. Love her. It’s good to have good friends.

And then there’s my sister Carolyn who talked me through some pain last night while I was waiting for meds. Did I mention the meds? Mmmm. Dilauded. Good stuff. Oooooooo. The nurse is giving me some right now. I feeeellll funkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

You know when you’re a little drunk and you lie down and those pesky bedspins kick in? That’s what Dilauded feels like when I first get it. Then I fall asleep whether I want to or not. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

OMG the cotton mouth is killing me. Sorry, off topic. Now she’s bringing me anti nausea meds. Cause you know what else dilauded does? Makes you want to puke. Except I have nothing left to puke up. So I have hunger nausea. Oh joy, that feeling brings me back to pregnancy days. Not something I ever wanted to relive.

Okay so not only did my sister talk me through the pain, then she was content to listen to me ramble and giggle for a good hour after I got the meds. I have no idea what I said.

Just like I have no idea what I’m writing now! Drugged up blogging, uh huh.

So you know my very favorite things about the hospital? Let’s do a bullet list!

• free wifi
• a private room
• those little anti-slip socks they make you wear and chastise you if you take them off
• sleeping whenever and however much I want
• peeing in the hat. (whooops my snark is showing) If you have no idea what I am talking about then you are very lucky. It’s the basin they put across the toilet to pee in so they can measure all my output. Seriously. Gross.
• nodding off mid-sentence. Just ask Damon how cool that is.
• nodding off mid-blog post.

Can’t. Keep. My. Eyes. Open. And I think I’m gonna hurl. Can’t go back and edit. Hope this post is semi-coherent. yikes.

I could use some comment love peeps. Keep me entertained?

Josh and I went to Maine for a couple of days to hang out with some of my family. It was nice to play a little hooky from work!

On the way back home today we turned 3 hour trip into a 6 hour one by detouring to the beach. We had no schedule to follow and since Damon is in Pittsburgh for a couple of days we had no reason to hurry back.

It was a perfect day to play.

(More photos on Flickr.)