catonspeedland

Dear TLM Readers,

2011-04-25T14:11:00.000+01:00

Scared by the title? Don't be! Unclench!

I am writing again, and i like it. And I'm so unbelievably happy about that! I was hoping to get the next chapter out by the end of this month, but it might be sometime in the first half of May because its turning into a large one and there's some stuff in there I really don't want to fuck-up.

But it is coming... FINALLY!

Lots of boot-licking, apologetic love,

Speed x

p.s. If you sent me a PM there's a 92% probably read it and then felt like a horrific human being for leaving you all hanging and hid (I'm a giant, awkward pansy most of the day; it's just who I am) - I'll reply when I have a better idea of posting dates so I can feel like less of cunt when I shove reasons ~~excuses~~ for my fail at you. If you're part of that 8% that bitched at me... thanks! No, really, I laughed my arse off - I needed that real bad!

p.p.s Here's my inspiration for this chapter - I'm in a sharing is caring mood *shrugs*:

Have a break, have a kitkat

2010-11-08T15:13:00.000Z

I'm going to be skimming my gmail this week and then i'm taking a break until some time in the new year. I'm starting to hate the fandom and i really don't want to, so i'm calling a temporary time out so i can sort out my epic RL list of things to do and rediscover my love for it. I'll be back, i just need some time away from it at the minute - i do this in my free time for fun, but right now it's just not fun.

If i've promised you something please remind me and i'll make sure it happens before i vanish for a bit.

If you read TLM let me say unequivocally that i'm not abandoning it, and i will finish it. Feel free to be pissed at me for not updating for a bit, and flounce it if you want, but i don't write it for the reviews or the recs - those are the icing on what has been a lovely cake - i write it because i enjoy it, but right now that's just not the case.

See you some time in the new year.

Best wishes,

Lucy x

~
catonspeed@gmail.com
@catonspeed

Fandom People Awards! Spanks mystery nom'ers!

2010-11-05T09:16:00.000Z

I don't know who nominated me for what, where, but thank you! I have great fun doing this stuff in my spare time, and you've given me warm fuzzies!

Lettuce now act like a twat for a sanctioned amount of time with appropriate bush.gif'age and move on...

...

...

...

...

OK, I'm good now!

...

...

...

...

Shit, I couldn't resist... I'm empty and shallow, and I promise to actively seek psychiatric help or at the very least a good measure of rum... *happy sigh* I love a good gif ;) and now I want a monocle...

Here is mah swag!

"Artists" category

"Banners and blinkies The Fandom loves" category

Nominated for Most Creative Banner

Nominated for Banner that Makes You Purr

Nominated for Visually Stunning

Nominated for Banner that Most Captures Vibe and Characters

"The Fandom" category

"The Authors" category

But do you know what...

Do you know who's really awesome?

You guys.

You support my crazy and occasionally laugh with me instead of at me ha ha!

Viva la Fandom! Random acts of luff FTW!

Thanks go to the ladies of TwiFicPimps for the massive amount of time and effort they put into organising this, and thanks for asking me to contribute banners for The Fandom category - I had great fun playing with Heather's banner, who was gracious enough to send me a copy to inappropriately molest... ;)

I'm on a kinetic typography kick. I have no other explanation.

2010-10-22T23:02:00.000+01:00

I'm on a kinetic typography kick. I have no other explanation.

But it's lubing the synapses, so I thought I'd share...

Enjoy!

And the god that is cee lo green...

Sunday morning selections

2010-10-17T14:40:00.000+01:00

Tracks currently rocking on repeat in itunes this lovely, sunny, Sunday morning!

Rec me your blissed out tracks and chill-out tunes... I write more with good music, I swear ;)

Manic monday

2010-09-27T23:29:00.002+01:00

This is what i've been reduced to today. That is all.

Feel free to lessen my shame and tell me what stupid shit you've done today... *grins*

Affiliates - Fandom People Awards

2010-09-17T17:54:00.002+01:00

The Fandom People Awards.

Ohhhhh yeah! Seen their cheeky little tweets being floated round? Their button on a website or blog? A mention at the end of a chapter? Well damnit, if you haven't then you've been living under a rock, and you need to go to their site and educate your bad self! ;)

Run by the TwiFicPimps, this new endeavour allows you to nominate people for just... being fucking great! The awards tout themselves as being 'for the people and by the people', and provide an opportunity and categories that recognise the people that hold up this crazy fandom we frolick in: the readers, the blog runners, the banner makers, the beta's that slave over our shitty grammar and horrific homonyms - in short, the foundations that allow the wheels to turn and this show to run. And kudos to them for coming up with the idea, because it's a great one.

It's not a contest or a popularity wank - it’s an opportunity to show some love to the people who often get overlooked in this fandom. There are a number of categories you can nominate people in, and multiple opportunities in quite a few - go check out their page for the breakdowns and helpful little links to give you ideas.

There's still plenty of time to nominate people, so go spread some random acts of karma kindness and make someone's day:

Sept 6th - Nominations Start

Oct 4th - Nominations End

Oct 11th - Voting Starts

Oct 29th - Voting Ends

Nov 5th - Winners!

I've nommed. Have you? *Gauntlet thrown*

TLM Chapter 20 - Posting today!

2010-09-14T10:22:00.001+01:00

YES! I'm having a final read through and then it'll be going today! *dances*

Hats go off to jaspersdestiny, who did a phenomenal turn around and annihilated my rogue semi-colons, despite the fact that I was fucking with her through the medium of multieditor live-action gdocs (seriously, that stuff will fuck with your miiiiiiiind!) - sorry about that tina *grins*

Here's a repost of the teasers to tide you over until later... oh and yeah, maybe re-read that last chapter because DAYUM has it been too long!

Text teeeezer:

I’m in a clearing surrounded by low hanging trees that gently kiss the surface of water that caresses branches that lie in repose, creating a symphony of notes in this amphitheatre of horror. Leaves tremble like tiny cymbals to the vibrations travelling up and through them. Nothing else draws breath, takes a step, or dares to move. There is no life here. Life has fled. Screams of the departed taper off in the distance like discarded ribbons, all running away, fleeing, because there is only death here and she wants to play - death, and a horror that leaves me paralyzed, like the face that stares up at me in the grass at my feet. A silent scream paints that face whose eyes are so black the sockets look empty and hollow. But they twitch. And they leak. And they scream in my face, flashing memories of a thousand tears and begging words in my ears with claws that rip at poorly finished stitches.

Picture teaser:

**Update**

The posty thing? It just happened! Jasper says, come read his words...

Chapter 20 - How does it feel?

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5419318/20/

Things i'd like to instigate at work...

2010-09-14T10:00:00.003+01:00

That is all.

Blog Headers - Whitlock Harem

2010-09-13T19:40:00.000+01:00

Whitlock Harem... How do I begin to explain Whitlock Harem?

Emma Gerber: Whitlock Harem is flawless.

Mathlete Tim Pak: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.

Amber D'Alessio: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.

Kristen Hadley: Their favourite movie is Varsity Blues.

Short Girl: One time they met John Stamos on a plane...

Jessica Lopez: - And he told them they were pretty.

Bethany Byrd: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

I lovelovelovelove these ladies! Made up of givemesomevamp, hammerhips, and jaspersbella (howdy ma'am *winks*), they feature the illusive peen nosed fox, midgets, a delightful level of clever fuckery, and a variety of fandom topics/news/recs/features/interviews. They made me smile when I was damn near crying in my little cave of emo sad, so I made them a header for their new blog, because I have boundary issues like that... fortunately the loved it and the restraining order hasn't been put into affect:

Go visit them and say hello from me! Oh, and read that poem on the front page *grins* - #Teamcolin heartily approves he he!

Banners - Sweet Tooth

2010-09-13T04:02:00.002+01:00

Do you remember waaaaaaaaaaaaay back when I rec'd BellaFlan for her Emmett OS? Good shit, yes? Well, I've been so out of touch that I hadn't realised she'd written Becoming Bella Swan (insert fangirl style jumping up and down - the lovely lovely lady emailed it to me to read on holiday - j'adore her!), which I motherfunking LOVELOVELOVED! But then it was over, and I was indeed a very sad panda.

Woe was me!

But then...

Sweet Tooth happened. And praise the lawd! I was saved from the monotony of a non craic lifestyle, and I giggled, and snorted, AND gigglesnorted my way through the six chapters I found up online. If you haven't found it yet and you can get down with a little AH diiiiiiirty funny fuckery, then ZOMG are you in for a TREAT! A buttercream-peniscake-cannolipube-confectionary-treat!!! *disney sigh* Written as a collab between BellaFlan and Mac214 (of 'Relative Wind' dilfward acclaim - it's on the reading list, but you had me at the metion of Dilfward, woman), it's seriously cute awkward fun, and it'll have you chuckling away as the pair of them navigate you through their delicious world of dentophilla and just pure WIN! It's AH Edward and Bella, and other characters from the saga are popping in where you least expect them (Best Rose? I think so...), so don't go expecting traditional cannon (and who would want it with this? seriously? When you read it you'll see what I mean). I won't ruin it with spoilers, but I will tell you that I won't ever be able to say buttercream in a normal way again ha ha! Mmmmmm buttercream!

Words can't adequately describe how much I enjoyed reading what they have up so far, and I'm salivating like Bella over a bouquet of pussy cakes at the prospect of MOAR chaps, so I made them something involving the best that googleSPECIAL offers me:

Here's the official FFn blurb:

Sweet Tooth - Come to Pink Cookie, where porn never tasted this good. Erotic baker, Edward Cullen has a new obsession in the form of Bella Swan. Will his buttercream satisfy her sweet tooth? AH, OOC, Comedy/Romance.

And yes, that IS a sprinklepenis in the banner, and if you stare hard enough at the background you'll see what THAT is tee hee! *pats google and whispers sweet-nothings in its ears*

Go read it! You won't be disappointed!

Banners - The Quiet Room (FGB auction winner)

2010-09-12T20:05:00.000+01:00

Woo! Givemesomevamp! I heart this lady! She's been there from the beginning of TLM with her cheeky little reviews that made me smile big, and we've been lurking in each others twatter feeds for a while now, so when I saw her name come up in the winners list for my auction I had an excite about doing something for her - and thank gawd she bid on my ass, because I'd totally missed the fact that she'd started writing, which would have been gosh darn tragic! Anyhoo... she graciously zipped up a bouquet of chaps of The Quiet Room for me to read on holiday because she's awesome like that, and I sat down one afternoon in the sunshine to read a chap, and then I had to read the next... and the next, and the next, and the next! It sucked me in, and I j'adored it!

We meet Bella, suffering the aftermath of her abandonment, locked up in 'Oakforest Behavioral Center for Troubled Young Adults' playing stare down with an unknown vampire (and you know me, I'm all about a good stare down *grins*), and it evolves beautifully from there. Bella's internal monologues are fantastic to read, and hurrah! her inner voice has SPINE!

I tried to pick a favourite quote but it was too hard, so here's an excerpt that made me grin:

Maintaining contact with his soulful, slightly confused now black orbs, I slowly tilt my head to the right.
Continuing in slow motion (even for a human), my right hand comes across my body to sweep my hair off of the left side and to secure it over my right shoulder.
Then I lift my right hand to my mouth and poke my tongue out to moisten the tips of my index and middle fingers.
At the speed of smell, I bring my wet finger tips over to caress my exposed jugular.
Then lazily give it three strong taps.
I'm pretty sure his eyes widened at this display.
But I'm not done, of course.
At last, I take another deep breath and exhale in a whisper quieter than the breeze swirling around us, "Suck it."
And because I can be foolish when I'm feeling especially bitch-tastic, I slowly raise my eyebrow in a silent 'come get some' challenge.

It's sharp, it's brutal, it's witty, there's PETER!, and Givemesomevamp isn't afraid to hit you up with some dark, which is fantastic because it's real and raw, and you completely feel for the Bella she has written.

The build is natural, and even though we don't meet Jasper right off the bat I'm not chomping at the bit for him to show his sparkly ass (he does show up though, and awwww I want to put him in my pocket and keep him). Givemesomevamp is now some 30+ chapters in and I'm stalking my inbox waiting for MOAR! She's a regular updater *cough* unlike some people we know... *points at self*, so you won't have long to get your next fix.

Here's the banner I put together for her:

And here's the FF blurb:

So, I'm a little crazy.You're a little dead, but I don't keep throwing that up in your face."I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still wary, but we out numbered her at least. After all, how much trouble could one small human possibly be. OOC/AU

Go have a read and tell her I sent you! She'll squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee loud for you *wiggles eyebrows*

Oh, and she's also a member of Whitlock Harem. Haven't come across their blog yet? Oh my dears, are you in for some laughs... I think their affiliate button tells you all you need to know ;)

TLM20 - The countdown begins... dances

2010-09-12T17:13:00.001+01:00

JSYK... the failwhale is nearly over - in fact, i've skinned it, carved it up for resale in Japan, and made oil from the blubber *mafia nod*

In actual fact... IT'S IN BETALAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody back the fuck away from jaspersdestiny until she's done with it. You may, however, send her gift baskets - she like brandy, but she'll also take poutine and pretzels.

The awesome lady is also beta'ing all the previous chapters for me too - I went through the whole thing on holiday and shined it up, so that will be going up chapter by chapter when she's taken the beta whip to it. There are no big changes, but the percentage of readable human english has gone up ;)

Anyhoo... I'mma repost that teaser soon, and you can have a gander at that previous chap in the mean time so you can remember what TLM is... it HAS been a while... and for that I can only apologise for keeping you clinging on to the edge of that cliffy, and point at real life and sigh with utter disappoint.

It's not long now.

2010-09-03T10:47:00.001+01:00

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

TLM - the update bottom line

2010-07-28T17:18:00.000+01:00

I wrote another thousand words the other night...

so my chapter 20 doc is looking a little bit healthier every day. Which is about fucking time!

There's a chance I might post before I go on holiday (10th-23rd August), but if not then I'm taking my laptop with me and I have two weeks of no internet (unless I mosey on up to the golf club, and they do have really nice cocktails with those umbrella parasol sticks, and they did just stick in a brand new spa and baby very much wants a massage from hot Swedish Sven, so I'm not ruling it out just yet...) so I'll be writing out there - which should result in a fuckton of words on my return.

Basically I'm at 80% with 100% resulting in an update.

So, yeah... just letting you know.

Carry on with what you were doing *shoos you off* scat now!

SCANOGRAPHY!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-19T18:54:00.000+01:00

Shit monday is shit. So imagine how happy i was to find my unopened photojojo email from last week!

Bored? Monday shit for you too? Looking for a way to kill 5 minutes at work? The answer to all these questions is SCANOGRAPHY!!!!!!!!!!! We've been pissing ourselves at work for the last half an hour with this.

The instructions are quite simple - place your face along with the objects in your bag or pockets onto a scanner bed and scan away!

Here's me:

Now go scan yerrrrrrr face ;)

Banners - Colliding Meteors (FGB auction winner)

2010-07-09T22:15:00.000+01:00

Hurrah! I'm back! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! And writing time is scheduled this weekend to finally finish that TLM chapter. But in the mean time... here's the first of my "FGB - Banners, blog headers, artwork! Dig out your change & get some pretteh" auctions this year.

So I told this lady I'd quite happily make her anything without stumping up cash but she went and bid anyway *rolls eyes and grins*, so who am I to argue and refuse lol!

Anyway, I love this story so I was all kinds of excited and nervous putting something together for it but Kaylene didn't threaten to use it for target practice, so I'm A-OK with that... ;)

If you haven't come across this and you can get down with non-cannon then I suggest you make it over to FF or her blog pronto and delve right in, because it's delicious! And she's just gone through and edited the whole thing with the help of masterBeta JaspersDestiny (kisses T - mwah!).

Here's the blurb:

Colliding Meteors Starts during Chap.3 of New Moon. Edward leaves Bella, Sam does not find Bella,someone else does. This is Jasper/Bella, Lots of profanity and Lemons later. AU and more than a little OOC. JasperXBella

Fandom Gives Back - Banners, blog headers, artwork! Dig out your change & get some pretteh!

2010-06-25T12:34:00.001+01:00

I'm just dropping a copy of my FGB listing here and running away again - I should be back all proppah like from the 14th of July, by which point the list of shit-that-will-not-end-and-it-attempting-to-break-my-spirit-and-all-that-jazz will be done by *takes a deep breath*. So spy you then!

Much love,

L x

This year I'm volunteering my new Photoshop addiction for your pleasure, so feel free to buy a slice of time, spank me on the ass, and call me your graphic whore. I'll get on my knees and bend over the ~~whipping bench~~ my keyboard for your pleasure.

Need a banner for a story or a blog? Hit me up! It's first come first served per item and I'll throw in a blinky or icon version too if you want it.

Here are examples of work I've done for people so you can get an idea of the things I can do for you:

There is a full list of graphics I've done on my blog that you can browse without waiting......................... for the scroller ;)

http://catonspeedland.blogspot.com/search/label/banners
http://catonspeedland.blogspot.com/search/label/blog%20header
http://catonspeedland.blogspot.com/search/label/general%20graphic
http://catonspeedland.blogspot.com/search/label/blinkies

I'll email winners a link to an online form to fill in where you can give me information on any images, text, people, you would like to see in your artwork, so consider the following:

Fic Title: Name of your story as you would like it to appear on the banner.

Author Name: Name of author as you would like it to appear on the banner.

Summary: Short summary so I can get a basis of your story or blog.

Pairing: Main characters - also, do you want the original actors or do you have other people in mind? All Human? Cannon?

Preferred pictures / things you'd like included: Is there something key to your story or blog theme? Specific image you'd like? Bookmark some links and keep them in mind!

Text you'd to see included in Artwork: Got a phrase or tagline? Jot that bad boy down!

Colour Preferences: Dark colours, light colours? Black and white?

Include Blinky/icon version? Would you like a cropped version as icon? Need a specific format?

Public/Private: Do you mind if I pimp it out on my blog?

All work will be completed by the end of August - if there is a specific deadline let me know so I can organise the list of winners!

Wadercat... yeah...

2010-06-01T16:40:00.000+01:00

If you're reading this, it's now June and the Lucybot is still posting, which means I've been captured, and I'm being held against my will. I need you to mount a rescue mission and break me the fuck out.

I can't describe why I love this, because quite frankly, there are no words. I just do.

So here's some wadercat - because this is probably what I'm being tortured with right now:

This is the last post in the LucyBot auto-system, so I'll be back when I'm back!

Wear sunscreen

2010-05-28T04:02:00.001+01:00

Here are some words to live by.

Apparently the cold meds have made me a little existential. Go figure! It's brilliance is it's pure simplicity.

FGB - Swag I won from... AngstGoddess003

2010-05-24T15:58:00.004+01:00

So there's this little file just sitting on my computer called "Home is where you hang your hat" - at some point it'll appear, but probably not until TLM is done, because it's a toss up between this and something else that's been whispering dark naughty things in my ear for the past few months. I know, bitch move posting about something else when a) I'm not here right now, and b) you're probably still waiting for that next TLM chapter, unless by some small miracle I've posted and right now I'm chopping and changing this post!

But massive fucking sigh if I'm not and you're still seeing this. If it's any comfort at this point I'm probably rocking myself in the corner trying to finish up a 300 person event launch for the 26th.

Anyway, enough of my moaning! I won some graphic skillz from AngstGoddess003 in the first FGB (who has a tasty new website if you haven't seen in yet... angstyg.com), and requested a banner that I'll tease you with... because apparently I'm feeling mean like that right now bwhahaha! I blame the cold and as always, my mother.

p.s Late May Lucy is glaring at early May Lucy, and telling her she's probably having her comeuppance for teasing you right now. She's also looking a little smug on your behalf

2010-05-19T04:02:00.001+01:00

Fandom Gives Back <-- I'm cheap and easy, love me long time big boy! bats eyelashes

2010-05-17T07:45:00.002+01:00

If you haven't heard about FGB Eclipse running from June 26 - July 2 this year, I want to know what rock you're living under, because it sounds nice and quiet there, and I'd like to join you...

Anyway, this year I'm volunteering my new Photoshop addiction for your pleasure, so feel free to buy a slice of time, spank me on the ass, and call me your graphic whore. I'll get on my knees and bend over the ~~whipping bench~~ my keyboard for your pleasure.

MOAAAAR info will be released closer to the time, just tuck the thought away in your head for now if you like my stuff and want a lil sumthin' sumthin' put together.

Music - Dusk till Dawn

2010-05-14T13:03:00.002+01:00

I was blipping some music the other day, put out a track, and suddenly the twitter went Dusk till Dawn crazy! The soundtrack is fabulous, and I might run a #watchalong when I'm back, because who doesn't love a bit of Clooney, or Pussy Man, or Cock Machine! *snort*

The soundtrack has been cycling through my ipod on repeat since then, and the following track runs through my ears like silk - if you haven't heard it, sit back, pop a cold one, and enjoy - because it's Friday, and that shit needs celebrating on my behalf, because I sure as shit wont be:

Posts from the Lucybot

2010-05-11T18:22:00.000+01:00

I am fucking ill. AGAIN! I've got the concentration skills of a budgy and a fucking ridiculous week at work, so don't expect to see me around this week because i'll probably be crying in the corner popping cold meds like smarties. There's also a chance I wont appear until mid June as between the work month from hell, the eruption in Iceland, and some consultancy projects I have going at weekends, I've got very little time other than to sleep right now - so gmail/gchat/twitter/etc are all firmly in the off switch until then. If you've tried one of them you'll have seen the away message.

So, I've loaded a bunch of fuckery into blogger this weekend (it's Sunday right now as I'm typing this - fucking love scheduled postings blogger you little beauty), which it'll spit out at you at scheduled times (just like this one).

TLM is still going - I am still writing it. I'm not disappearing for good - I just can't do anything mildly resembling fun right now. Flounce my ass if you want to, I won't be offended.

See you all soon hopefully!

Germy diseased hug of fail,

L x