I’m mental. It’s taken me a while to decide this, but I actually think that now, with more than just a smidgen of actuality that I can prove it. The evidence is stacking up against me. This morning, when I was putting on my clothes, washing my face and making for the office, I found myself humming the Japanese national anthem. Why? God only knows. Then again, as I was making my way back to my piddling little apartment in the middle of Manchester, I found myself reciting the Japanese syllabaries, line by line. I haven’t done that since I began learning Japanese all those years back. So why was I doing it? Again, I have no idea. And finally, as I was following the deluxe miso soup recipe in theワガママ cookbook tonight, I found my mind drifting, thinking at a terrible speed that I had lost my passport and that I was never going to be able to find it. And why? Well, this time I knew exactly why. This time, my day’s Japanese-related antics all came flooding back, smacking me in turn in the face with a huge dollop of realisation.

In just 23 days I will be leaving this overrated, dull, dilapidated country that I live in, I will be flying half the way around the world and on the morning of Sunday 9th May I will be stepping off the plane at Narita, catching a train to downtown Tokyo and beginning the first of my two and a half week escapade in Japan. And if you hadn’t realised already, I’m more than a little preoccupied by the whole, darn thing…　

Suitcase, check. Clothes, check. Kanji dictionary, check. Computer, check. Phone, check. Camera, check. Toiletries, check. Passport, (eventually) check. Ticket… Oh damn it, no! Oh yea, that’s right, it’s an electronic ticket. Apparently all I do is turn up at the airport, show them my passport and somebody shoves me on a plane. I don’t know whether I like that idea or not to be honest, but hey ho, whatever they say…

So here I am, surrounded. My room looks like it’s been robbed by the world’s worst burglar. There’s enough electronic equipment in here to start my own store, however it’s intertwined with God knows how many other things that I’ve decided are essential for my trip to Japan. Don’t get me wrong, as those of you who follow me on Twitter will know, I’ve left the country a million times before, but for some reason, this time, this trip, this holiday; well, it is Japan, right?

To be honest, I’ve been preparing for this holiday for an age now. It’s only two and a half measly weeks, but I’m a stickler for work, so I won’t allow myself longer. Not even for Japan. The problem with that though, is that I’m going to be running myself ragged while I’m there. Well, that’s probably an understatement if I thought about it long enough, but I haven’t got time, so I won’t. I can’t.

I have mixed feelings though. The joy of touching down in Tokyo is being slightly tarnished by the fact that I’ll be arriving the day after Golden Week. I have the distinct feeling that Narita is going to be busy. Very busy. And I’m not friendly with airports at the best of times, especially ones where I’m forced to use an e-ticket, whatever the hell that is. I always have this ridiculous obsession that I’m going to be found smuggling cocaine into the country or something, which is completely irrational and totally insane, but I can’t help it. And Narita’s custom officials are not renowned for their pleasing demeanour and outwardly genial persona. But anyway, I’ll worry about that when I get there.

And then there’s the flight. Eugh. Eleven hours of nothing. Unfortunately plane makers have not yet found a way of travelling backwards in time, so I actually lose a day getting to Tokyo. Which is maddening, seeing as I’ve paid for it. And then, to layer on even more pain, on the way back, I have to relive the whole day again as the plane practically touches down in Britain before it set off in Tokyo. God damn time zones.

Oh yes, and did I mention that May is also the month in which I am relocating? Oh yes, that’s right. For some ridiculous reason I thought it would be a good idea to move house and go on a trip half way round the world, all in one month. Sometimes I get up, look at myself in the mirror and wonder what went wrong. There’s definitely some synapses in my brain that’s not wired up properly. Either that or my mother dropped me as a child, I’ve not really worked out which.

So anyway, back to Japan. The idea was that this would be a sedate trip to Tokyo (ha, there goes that synapses again), though it’s not turning out like that. I’ve not really got an itinerary planned, as such, but there’s a whole ruck of things that I want to get in whilst I’m there. I’m staying in Shinjuku, which is probably not the best idea, seeing as I’ll never want to leave and I’ll never get any sleep, but two and a half weeks is probably not time enough to get over the jetlag I’m going to have racked up so who cares about sleeping? Then there’s some people I’ve just got to see in Nikko and I’ve also planned a trip to Hakone for a couple of days. Seeing as one from the other is 244km, or in real money, 150 miles then at least they’re near to each other… Oh yea, and by car the journey takes about four hours, if of course one of the world’s biggest cities wasn’t directly between them… Oh jeez.

Anyway, all that’s a long way off, so I’ll get back to my packing and repacking. Of course, if anybody can think of some good places to check out while I’m there, then let me know in your comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Nothing can be as ridiculous as the half-witted plan that I’ve come up with myself, so feel free to suggest anything, no matter how hilarious it may sound.

And who knows, maybe my reciting the national anthem will come in handy. It’ll definitely help the doctor to certify me…

* Title picture from Photoeverywhere

There comes a time in every Jblog’s Life when things just ‘Have To Change’. Read on to find out how you could be exactly the change that Caught*Red-handed is looking for!

If any or some of the above apply, then you may be exactly what C*R-h is looking for! C*R-h is currently looking for one or two writers to join the fold and contribute as a permanent writer on the site.

If this appeals to you, then tell me in just 140 Twitteresque characters or less, either via the Comments below, via email, or via Twitter (@c_rh) why you would be the perfect man, woman, animal or mineral for the job, and you could be in with a chance of becoming part of the C*R-h Team.

Any questions, just catch me here.

This morning I had a dream. And no, my name is not Martin, Luther, or King. That I was stood at Shinjuku station and I was lost. And no matter how fast I tried to move, my legs, due to the fact that they had suddenly turned into lead weights, would not move at all. There were people all around, as there usually are at Shinjuku station, swarming in and out of the various entrances, exits, vestibules, crevices and walkways of the labyrinth that is the station itself. And they were all laughing heartily, probably at me, but you never can tell with dreams. As the dream developed, I soon realised that no matter which of 200 odd exits I tried to use to get me out of the station (once I’d managed to get there due to my weird leg complaint, of course), I realised pretty fast that in fact I was going to be in the depths of the station for possibly the rest of my life. Or at least until the end of the dream. The station had entrapped me.

In just five short weeks, I won’t have to relay on my dreams to take me to Tokyo, as I’m going in person. I can’t wait. In fact, if I mention it to one more person, I think they’ll probably clatter me around the head with something and send me floating down Manchester Shipping Canal. I’m getting out of hand, and there’s not much that I can do to stop it. When I get to Shinjuku station though, as undoubtedly I will find myself passing through it at least forty times a day, I’m going to take heed of my surroundings. Three weeks lost in that place would not be the most enjoyable experience, I can tell you.

Though, that said, it does hold some resonance with reality. Well, with fiction actually, but I’ve really been reading it, rather than just dreaming about it, if that make any sense whatsoever… No, I didn’t think so.

You see, I’ve just finished the entirely crazy, and highly bizarre novel, Secret Rendezvous, by Kobo Abe. At just a mere 179 pages, it is probably one of the shortest novels I have read in a long time. I don’t like short stories as a rule, you see, though this one most definitely caught my attention. The blurb reads:

And no, I didn’t just make that up. I can’t even remember why I chose to buy this book, and now that I’ve read it, I’m not entirely sure that I know even now, but it’s a genius piece of writing all the same. What grabs me though, is the constant theme that drives itself through the book’s pages like the words imprinted through a stick of rock: entrapment.

The weird thing is, the more I think about it, the more I feel that actually this is a theme that Japanese fiction deals with, in all manner of modes and mediums, time and time again. And if you don’t believe me, then I’m sure you will by the end of this post. And if you don’t, then send it back in the state in which you found it and I’ll give you a full refund.

You see, Secret Rendezvous centres itself in a madcap hospital, the majority of which is underground and out of site from the rest of the world. The parts that are above ground are just as ridiculous as the ones below, and it would appear that patients go into this hospital and never come back out. The manager (that’s the one that thinks he’s a horse, by the way) is a lunatic, but at the same time, he’s bordering on psychopathic. He has an unhealthy obsession with surveillance, and though the book never explores what would happen if the protagonist decided to give up on his missing wife and make a run for it; I get the distinct impression that he wouldn’t get far.

For the whole novel then, the man is entrapped. And not just physically. Sure, he wanders aimlessly around the corridors of the ever-expanding hospital. Sure he comes to dead ends, ends up deeper underground, but it is not these things that entrap him the most. As he continues on his epic journey, his thoughts also begin to entrap him. He’s becoming desperate, his wife is still nowhere to be seen, and he has no idea what is going to happen to him. He has begun to crumble.

Take Spirited Away by the legendary Hayao Mityazaki. For sure, Chihiro is under Yubaba’s watchful eye continuously at the bathhouse, and absolutely she is entrapped within the confines of its grounds. The whole thing is built into the sea for pity’s sake, so even if she had have wanted to run for it, she would have drowned before too long. But for me, this film is much deeper than that.

As soon as Chihiro enters the bathhouse, Yubaba renames her Sen. Instantly she is entrapped within the confines of her own identity; in fact, she no longer has one. She is a nobody, just a somebody else. Haku is entrapped in the disguise of a boy, when in fact he is actually a dragon, just bursting to get out, and to remove himself from Yubaba’s evil spell, again another form of entrapment. And again, much like SR, Chihiro is entrapped by her relationship with her parents, and by their greed.

20th Century Boys, an unforgettable series of books written by the astounding Naoki Urasawa and recently reviewed by Tim Maughan, starts off as an innocent foray into the lives of a group of young boys, who have massive ambitions to take over the world, be successful, become famous. As the intertwined stories of the children begin to unwind, sure we see that one is entrapped by his lack of success, another is trapped by his weight and ridicule thereof from his peers throughout his life. What we realise to be a deeper form of entrapment though, is that humanity is intrinsically linked to these children, and that their life choices have entrapped the entire world.

And finally, what about the dystopia of Yuichi, the protagonist in Forbidden Colours, a novel written by Yukio Mishima exploring yet further entrapment? Yuichi is married, and believes himself to be happy, however as the story evolves, we soon learn of Yuichi’s apparently homosexual desires and his complete and utter contempt for women. Yuichi is blatantly entrapped by his sexuality, in a time in Japan when being gay was likened to having caught some inexorable disease, that much is obvious, however it is the entrapment of his marriage, again the relationship to other people within the pages of the book, that fuel his motivations and entrap him still further.

Mishima ended his own life most infamously by performing ritualised seppuku. Believed to be a nationalist due to his stoic allegiance to the ways of the samurai, I personally believe that he had become entrapped by his own persona and his seeming inability to reconcile his wants and desires with the way in which he was expected to act.

And that leads me nicely back to reality: from where then, has this theme developed? Why are the Japanese intent on discussing entrapment? Why has this theme become so intrinsic to the many imaginations of contemporary Japanese fiction writers?

For sure, I have only mentioned four examples, though if you think not so hard you will probably be able to come up with a thousand others. So, it would be very easy to make assumptions, though in order to get to the route cause, they do have to be explored. As I was dreaming about Shinjuku station, and its never-ending corridors and walkways, it was the realisation that actually this feeling was not just a dream, but indeed also reality, that woke me up. Japanese society is changing. The values and ideals that people strove for in the early part of the last two hundred years are intrinsically different to the latter. Socio-cultural norms have developed, evolved and retracted. Where once was almost a ritualistic approach to life, there is now much more liberalism. But it that always a good thing? I sometimes think that at some point, the world will become so liberal and so diverse, that there will be nothing left to distinguish one nation from the next. This often leads to me thinking that perhaps Japan is the test case for such a situation, but then I think: “This is the Japanese you’re talking about!” and suddenly it seems so ridiculous.

For sure though, historical importance is less so, and with that comes the erosion of the past. Women are much more on an even keel than they have ever been before. 敬語・keigo, or ‘honorific speech’ has lost its importance for many and is practiced consistently by the few, and even the physical constraints of Japan’s great cities are less so as people favour migration to the country rather than living in a match box in the centre of a heavily overpopulated metropolis.

My prediction is that (hold onto your hats…) as the subconscious of the Japanese unwinds, like a coiled spring being slowly permitted to release itself, connections to a past life will be dissolved, therefore what was once chastising people is now mused over, looked in on through a glass cabinet, as something to be discussed. I get the feeling though that the energy and enthusiasm for entrapment is much like a dying star: as the energy is released at great, unimaginable force, so the desire to discuss something gets bigger before dramatically ebbing away.

For now then, Japan is putting out some fantastic examples of entrapment. But before long, much like everything else in Japan, it will be swept away, forgotten; it will have had its time. And then, who knows?

Remember to experience Caught*Red-handed like no other blog, by subscribing to RedBox. Listen here. Also: fancy winning ¥3000? Check out my last post, before it’s too late! And finally: watch out for a great new opportunity coming up here at C*R-h in the very next post…

“Mayday, mayday, urgent assistance needed! Mayday. Can anybody hear me?” Only a static grumble. Again. Not a single solitary person has heard my call. I grab for the receiver again, my finger poised to press to the ‘Execute’ button.

“This is Omega-JLPT, hearing you loud and clear. Do you copy?”

Finally! A response. I hit ‘Execute’: “Omega-JLPT, this is Caught*Red-handed, I copy you. Mayday situation, can you assist?”

Silence. Have they heard me? Then, through the static, faint, barely audible: “Caught*Red-handed, your distress call is being heard loud and clear. What is your location?”

“Omega, I’m just off March 2010, about three months south of JLPT 2009. I haven’t seen land for three months, I think I’m in the Sea of Hiatus, though I can’t be sure.”

“The Sea of Hiatus? You mean you haven’t seen any Japanese since the JLPT?”

“Affirmative. Mayday, mayday. Can you help?” Suddenly, the line goes dead…

Back in December 2009 I was sat in a poky, stuffy little room in the School for Oriental and African Studies, University of London, sat at a desk that wouldn’t have been out of place in a Harry Potter flick, biting my nails and cursing the invigilator for opening the window onto a cacophony of dustbin wagons driving past as bins were being emptied. I would have been at least half-appreciative of the gesture had we not been smack-bang in the middle of the Listening part of JLPT 2, and for anybody who has taken the JLPT before, you’ll know full well that you only get one crack at it. I wasn’t far off launching myself at the invigilator, with her almost demonic affixed smile, and shoving her through the damn window. I knew right at that point, that the stress had got to me.

It wasn’t like I wasn’t prepared for it though, far from it in fact. As I’d reported earlier in the year, a sea of yellow sticky notes had decided to use my apartment as their breeding ground, and kanji had begun to multiply in their thousands all across my living room floor, leaving nothing untouched, nothing sacred. When my family and friends visited, they were inches off having me committed.

So, when that window flung open, I was mostly dismayed at the invigilators stupidity, but almost shocked that it had put me off my concentration. I was prepared. I was ready. I was going to pass. And so, on Saturday, when I opened my mail, there it was, a beautiful, shiny certificate with my name on it! And indeed, it seemed, the window episode had not had that much affect on my passing as initially thought. This of course, was cause for celebration, and so I decided to do just that in style, though the morning after I wished I’d never bothered…

So, it would be quite easy (though this would probably end up being the shortest post ever at C*R-h) to end right there, on a high note. However, unfortunately that is only half the story. The distress call at the top of this post may only be a salubrious excerpt from my overactive imagination, but it does point to one very distressing fact: I haven’t lifted a finger towards my studies since the JLPT.

It’s weird writing those words, it’s like I’ve been outed as an alcoholic or something: “My name’s Ryan, and I have post-JLPT Traumatic Distress Disorder.” The problem is, I think I have. You see, since that crazy, adrenaline-filled day in December, I just haven’t had the gumption to get back on it. I haven’t felt like I can, I have no idea where to begin. It’s weird, as this feeling has never overcome me before. In fact, as the regular readers amongst you will know, I am never short of a word or two, but here, as I sit in deep, dankest March, I realise that I haven’t uttered a single word of Japanese since last year. Okay, so that’s not entirely true. I am always speaking Japanese. Always. I ramble to myself quite a lot, in fact so much so that people sometimes have to tell me to shut up, and it’s usually always in Japanese, but what I mean is, in the context of learning something new, I haven’t uttered a single word, nor have I opened a single text book. It’s scary. And I think I need help.

Part of the problem I can pinpoint to the fact that my tutor is currently in the midst of maternity leave and shan’t be available again until June. But that shouldn’t be cause for arrest. In fact, this would be a perfect time to recap everything that I learnt last year in preparation for her return in the summer. Yet, here I am, understanding my problem, even partly understanding the causes, yet unable to do anything about it. And I think that’s where you guys are going to have to step in.

You see (and I’m taking a massive leap of faith here), I can’t be only person who feels like this, can I? Surely there are others that are in my position? Or is it really just me that has PJLPTTDD?

So, as I sit here, yellow sticky note-less, kanji-less, and completely textbook-less, I wonder what state my fellow Japanese learners find themselves in at the moment, and hope that you can provide me with some decent tips and tricks on how to get back in the groove. In fact, I’m so adamant on this point, I’m even going to offer a prize to the person who comes up with best practices! Can’t say fairer than that, can you!

Pst: If you’d rather free up your time and listen to Caught*Red-handed rather than read it, then simply download each episode via the RedBox link, or get a free RedBox subscription via iTunes, ensuring you never miss another quality episode of Caught*Red-handed!

Welcome back, kids. It’s been a while, really it has. I never expected my break from blogging to be quite so pronounced, but like most things, you never can tell, can you! Anyway, I’m back. I’ve fired up the C*R-h boiler, thrown on a few more pieces of coal for good measure, and things are warming up nicely again. Go get yourself your favourite drink, pick up a bite to eat, or simply get down to reading some quality Caught*Red-handed. It’s good to have you back…

Music is big in my life, as I’m sure it is in yours. It always has been, always will be. Listening to my favourite song on the walk home from the office, I’ll often find myself doubling back just so I can listen to the end of it, doing another round of the block until it’s finished. Onlookers must think I’m mad, and probably I am, but it’s a good example of the irrational hold over me that music has. It’s infectious, all-consuming, and I love it, in whatever form it comes.

That said, jpop is not usually an area that I slink into, really it isn’t. I find myself getting confused, stumbling down corridors that I never knew existed and kicking open doors into places I’d rather not be. Oftentimes also, I’ll find that what was once a perfectly good walkway one minute has totally changed, or has gone completely. You see, like everything else that comes flying out from within the shores of fair, beautiful Japan; one minute it’s there, the next minute it’s not.

However, there is one band that has really caught my attention (no pun intended, oh go on then, maybe there was…). They’ve been touted as not being your average jpop creation, being a little more grown up, accessible even. Whether that’s true or not I am not qualified to say, but one thing I do know for sure is that vividblaze have managed to sabotage my musical stance on jpop completely.

miniature city 2 – featuring vividblaze - from mockmoon on Vimeo.

vividblaze are Miho Tezuka on lyrics and Yasunari Okano on arrangement. Recently they went global when their song, Tight Rope (Floor Mix) launched on iTunes and made it big time as the soundtrack to an advert for Google Maps, followed by two albums that have done nothing but blow away me, and no doubt, countless others.

People like applying labels to things, and vividblaze fascinate me as they attempt to ensure that none of the labels apply. One minute you’re drenched in glorious rays of jazz-sunshine and immediately you’re with friends laying in the grass (ある日僕は美しくも儚い夢を見た), the sun on your face, not a care in the world, a group of your friends playing impromptu nearby, wonderful food grilling on a barbecue, drinks being poured, a stream bubbling by. The next you’re sat with Chihiro in Yubaba’s onsen (凛) as the ethereal piano and far out percussion paints the perfect backdrop to any Ghibli film. Suddenly you’re in space (Nostalgic Moon), planets flying past at breakneck speeds, a shooting star bursting into a million colours far away. Finally you’re on a night out with your mates (Pizzcato Mind), dancing like lunatics to some incredible bass line as Tezuka’s lyrics wrap themselves around your conscience and hurl you in and out of reality.

Many artists that try to transcend genres like vividblaze often get typecast as uncertain of their end goal, not sure of their outlook on the musical spectrum, but for me, they corner their very own market. They’ve hit the mark smack-bang on the head, and they’re holding onto it like nobody’s business. I wouldn’t be surprised if their influences ran from the likes of Stevie Wonder and Ivan Lins through Annie Lennox and Goldfrapp and back again. It’s almost like they’ve taken all the feel-good parts of every song to which you’ve ever listened, put them through a massive blender and the resultant parts have then been sewn together to make vb’s amazing tapestry of music.

So, dutiful readers, if you haven’t heard of vb before, then now is a fantastic time to get yourself a copy of their latest albums. Yes, that’s right, they’ve just released two, practically back-to-back! Land Side 2010 – 2012 takes the listener through some fantastic jazz-, blues-, house-related creations, whilst Space Side 2012 – 2030 gives way to some slightly more electronic, but still as beautifully crafted masterpieces.

And so you can see, vb have most certainly done it for me.

Some people have said that he’s done a runner, others have bets on finding him dragged out of the bottom of the ocean. Still more imply that their money’s on robbery, GTA or some other crime, whilst others say they’ve had sightings of him in remote locations in all different parts of the world. Whatever the answer, Caught*Red-handed has come to a standstill and people are starting to ask questions…

Caught*Red-handed will be continued on Saturday 6th March 2010 with all the answers as to why the island moves, who shot Archie Mitchell, and how the Oracle killed Agent Smith, but for now it’s またね…

Welcome back to Caught*Red-handed, and welcome also to Episode 3 of Guest_bloggers. This episode was actually promised to you about three months ago, however perfection takes a long time to, well, er, perfect actually, so apologies, however I promise you it’s all going to be worthwhile.

When I started the GB series, I always had the intention of including some off the wall episodes from people outside the jblogging community, and here, in all its glory, is my first stab at it. For this episode, Angie, one of my closest mates, agreed to step up to the plate and not only become the first non-jblogger to make a contribution, but also to participate in the first completely unique and utterly different edition of Guest_bloggers. As you can see, this episode is extremely short on the text front, as this episode is in fact recorded. I was going to transcribe the entire episode, but honestly, in order to get the full effect, you really do need to listen.

So, before I come too close to giving the game away (as I have said way too much already!), make yourself a brew, turn off your tele, and dedicate twenty-odd minutes to this fantastic episode of Guest_bloggers. Where’s the relation to Japan you ask? Well, this episode wouldn’t be called Tokyo Alice for nothing now, would it…

(To listen to this episode, simply click the ‘Podcast’ link below. Oh, and if you’re subscribed to RedBox via iTunes, then this episode will download directly to your computer as all the other episodes of RedBox have. To find out how to do this, simply click here – it don’t cost a thing!)

* Special thanks to Angie for being a legend and agreeing to this; I owe you one…

Anybody who has visited Japan will have seen Fukuzawa Yukichi on nearly a daily basis, though they may not know it. His serious face and stalwart image is indeed involved in many everyday transactions. Even if you haven’t set foot even close to Japan yet, then the first few pages of a textbook on Japanese will undoubtedly present his image to you. And in both cases, he’s usually worth about £70, $110 or ¥10000.

Of course, having your face printed on the one side of a yen bill is truly a mark of a nation’s recognition for the work that one has undertaken, however awareness of Fukuzawa very rarely goes further than this, if indeed one is aware even of his presence on Japanese money. So, why is he so celebrated? What did this man borne into a family of both honour and hardship do that gives him the right to be recognised by every Japanese person every single day of their lives..?

1835. Not exactly a time noted for serenity in Japan. Nor was it a time of particular significance, until of course little Yukichi came along. The shogunate, though having been all powerful as the ruling power of the nation for a good two hundred years, was more or less on its knees, and the masses were more than agitating for something new to come along. Feudal law had been thrust upon Japan by the Tokugawa Shogunate of the 1600s, and had in many ways been heralded as a raging success. Devotion and pride were the cornerstones of the shogunate, however it was these self same attributes that meant that it had absolutely no mechanism for change, and now, in an increasingly modernising globe, Japan was soon becoming dilapidated and more importantly, impoverished. Something simply had to be done.

Being borne into a low ranking samurai family in the 1800s did not have all that many advantages. In fact, come to think of it, there probably weren’t any at all. You see, the general public had been told for centuries that if you were samurai, then you were somehow better, that your family lineage was untouchable, and more valuable to Japan. Not exactly the starting point for a healthy inter-class relationship, is it? Furthermore, transcending the gap between commoner and samurai was not a feat often accomplished, and so your rank in society more or less chained you to your destiny. What had once been heralded as a mark of power by many nations of the world, was now being seen as an isolationist shackle that did nothing more than chastise the people of Japan. And so, Fukuzawa’s family was neither respected by the upper levels of the samurai caste, nor were they appreciated by the public.

When Fukuzawa was just eighteen months old, his father unexpectedly passed away, which resulted in the only source of income for the family to be more or less stubbed out. With so many mouths to feed, the outlook was not good. The quicksand of poverty began tugging at their feet, and sure enough the stinking mire of impecuniousness was encroaching nearer and nearer to the Fukuzawa household. At that time, Japanese children were usually admitted into education at the age of four, however due to the lack of funding for the basic essentials in life, school was not something high on the list of priorities for Mother Fukuzawa. Instead, Yukichi found himself cobbling together sandals, and completing other odd jobs in order to supplement the tiny stipend that the shogunate made available to a samurai’s widow. It wasn’t until Fukuzawa reached his fourteenth birthday that education became something that the family could consider.

Observe then, the situation thus far. Fukuzawa has been told that his family is important. He has lived, breathed and digested the jingoism of the shogunate for so long, that the very essence of self-importance would be nothing more than glorified bigotry, fed intravenously into his mind. Then, to find that the family cannot even afford to send its son to school; now that must really have baked his noodle, and could perhaps have been the instigating event for what was to come.

Fukuzawa however, was never one to sit on his laurels and expect destiny to pick him up and sit him atop a throne, oh no. By 1853, Japan was still obstinately refusing entry of any foreigners into Japan, apart from at one small port on the man-made island of Dejima. His elder brother, now assuming the role of his late father, sent Fukuzawa to Nagasaki to learn Dutch in order that he could become expert on the ways of Western warfare, and learn something about the customs of the Americans. Now, you do not need to be one Hercule Poirot to realise that Dutch and the Americans were about as irreconcilable as Welsh and the French. Coupled with that, his teacher of Dutch despised his talent and natural flare (something I have come up against myself, alas…*) and so the teacher, being about as maleficent as he possibly could, span a yarn that Mother Fukuzawa was unbelievably ill, and that Yukichi would have to be at her bedside through her final hours. Seeing through the fabrication, Fukuzawa was outraged, and left his teacher. Having absolutely no money, and no way now of making any, he was stuck between the wrong language and a very hard place, and had no choice but to forge his brother’s signature, and charge the family for his expenses. With this money he set his sights high, and decided to make a beeline for the capital of Japan, Edo. And it was at this point, with a conscience that must have been emotionally battered and physically drained by past experiences, that the rest of Fukuzawa’s life unbelievably began to open up like a book.

What must be said, is that Fukuzawa absorbed knowledge like a sponge put out to dry in the baking heat. His ability to gorge on comprehension meant that against all odds, Fukuzawa was able to effectively learn both the arts and the sciences at breakneck speed. Being almost fluent in Dutch, he was able to translate books that filtered into Japan from Dejima, the first of which was a book dedicated to the ‘art’ of fort building. His interest in the sciences peaked with both chemistry and biology, and his adeptness to quantify and qualify his findings was becoming more than noticed by the top echelons of society in Japan. Not bad for somebody who didn’t cross the playground until fourteen, is it?

By the autumn of 1858, at the tender age of 23, Fukuzawa had his first real job, by way of appointment as a teacher of Dutch to the vassals of the domain of Nakatsu. A pact between the Americans and the Japanese now meant that more ports were being opened up to foreigners, and so Fukuzawa went to investigate. His findings however, came irrefutably to a halt when he realised that these bizarre white people spoke no more Dutch than he spoke Afrikaans. And it is here, as simply a mere mortal, that I would have packed up my kitbag, pulled my kimono tighter around myself, and ambled with an uncontrollable rage back to that place whence I came. Fukuzawa however, having some kind of super-human ability to overcome all obstacles, set to learning English!

The shogunate, having realised by this point that non-cooperation with the rest of humanity was not an option, had decided to send envoys to the US. Fukuzawa jumped at the chance and in the spring of 1860, he set foot in beautiful San Francisco. And it was during his one-month tour of the States that Fukuzawa obtained a copy of a Webster’s dictionary. Not so interesting you may say, but to many experts far more intuitive than myself, this has been proclaimed as Fukuzawa’s intellectual gateway to understanding modern civilisation. For, dear readers, this was what Fukuzawa began to understand. Being the brunt of societal Japan, and having seen both sides of the coin from such an early age, Fukuzawa was acutely aware of the problems that Japan was facing. He knew that the stalwart engine room of the shogunate was beginning to splutter and choke as the rust of centuries of feudal law began to strip away. In America, and indeed via subsequent tours of the majority of Europe, Fukuzawa saw something different, something that he could appreciate, and something which he came vehemently to believe was an approach to society that Japan must, at the least, observe, and at most, adopt. His first book, Conditions of the West, was immediately a bestseller, and sure enough, the seeds of revolution were becoming more apparent in Japan.

From rags to riches, it would seem that Fukuzawa’s story was passing from strength to strength. However, in no time whatsoever, the very success that Fukuzawa was experiencing, could quite easily be his undoing. You see, the shogunate was all-powerful. Unrest was bubbling under the surface of Japan’s perfectly preened façade, of course, but ultimately the shogunate still resided over Japan with the brunt of its power. And it would be utterly naïve to conceive the notion that there were not people still ready, and able, to lay down their lives for it. In fact, breakaway sects of samurais who despised the influences of Western civilisation that had begun to ooze over Japan, via conduits such as Fukuzawa, were known to mercilessly and fanatically kill those that made even so much as a nod toward Western ideas. Fukuzawa, therefore, was tiptoeing quite vulnerably across a tightrope strung over a raging sea of hungry sharks.

This did not scare him however, and never once did he falter in his quest. And finally, as the shogunate fizzled out like a firework doused in water, the new government of the Restoration asked Fukuzawa to join them, though he was stoic in his response, and declined amiably. Though obviously a rising force in the moulding of modern Japan, Fukuzawa had never had any intention to govern, and wanted not to be a part of any of it. His promulgations came better from the sidelines, and he intended it to be kept that way.

Fukuzawa’s works continued to develop. Branching out from science, he turned his might to philosophy, and the mechanics of a modern society. He brushed with women’s rights, the allegiance between Korea and China, and vested much time and effort in dragging Japan into the new century. Like a shining beacon for change, Fukuzawa managed to inform the perceptions of an entire nation without ever succumbing to politics.

So, you can see, that Fukuzawa Yukichi is a marvel. In a time when propaganda of the state was at its mightiest, in a time when platitudes were considered the nuts and bolts of society, Fukuzawa had the foresight to realise that Japan could not remain the same for eternity. His viewpoints on Western society however, have been highly criticised, generally by people who believe that Fukuzawa wanted to westernise Japan: this is most definitely not the case, for you could not find a person more patriotic to one’s country than him. What he saw in the West however, was an ability to evolve, an ability to adapt, and an ability to govern oneself not through might and dictatorial whitewashing, but in a way that served the people, that chose to educate even the poorest of people because one day, as did Fukuzawa, these could become something of a phenomenon. Some say he is not a genius as he didn’t create anything that the West had not already dealt with, however he was blazing the trail for modernity in Japan, and in a country where change and advancement against the law were seen to be treasonous still; this man was prolific. The sum of his work did not lead to any great uprising, and certainly the people of Japan did not congregate in the streets of Tokyo to herald him as their saviour, however what Fukuzawa managed to achieve was the removing of the shroud, which permitted the masses to engender their own thoughts, and decide their own conclusions.

And so, when you take out that ¥10000 bill, and hand it over for whatever it is that you may be purchasing, just give a moment to Fukuzawa Yukichi. Some call him the Oliver Twist of Japan, others go for the Pied Piper, leading the people to discovery. Still more mark his card as the Forerunner of Change. But for me, he is the proof that anything is possible, that nothing is unachievable. He is of course, the Father of Modern Japan.

* Poetic licence has been used in the self-referential comments throughout this piece. I will not pass go, I will not collect ¥200.

Well, well, well. Did you enter? Do you think you’re in with a chance of winning? Read on for the results!

Okay, first things first:

Now that’s out of the way, let’s get down to business. Prior to the Big C, I gave you all the chance to win one or two prizes to mark the first New Year at Caught*Red-handed. I asked you to answer one of two questions, and also, to tell me your thoughts regarding what you believed was either the best, or the worst, thing about Japan.

There were some great responses, however unfortunately there were only two prizes on offer, so I must now reveal that the winners of the First Caught*Red-handed New Year Giveaway are:

As such, each of you will have been contacted via email today so that I can get mailing addresses etc, so look out for those and I’ll pop your prizes in the post! And for those of you who didn’t win, the correct answer to the questions asked were:

What was the name of John Blackthorne’s illicit lover in Shogun? Mariko
What is the most frequently used kanji in Japanese? 日

If the Arctic conditions are anywhere near as bad as they are here wherever you are, then please dig out your shovel, get on your hiking boots and attempt to make it through the blizzards to my next post, which will be the second, much anticipated instalment in my brand new 有名！series, so look out for that! Oh, and to keep bang up-to-date with all the latest goings on at C*R-h, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter!

Until next time, good luck with your New Year resolutions (I didn’t even bother) and I’ll see you all very soon. Catch ya!

Well hello again. It’s that time of year once more, and Caught*Red-handed (through a genuine dislike for the 25th day of December) is completely bypassing the subject and moving directly onto New Year! And with that, as advertised tirelessly on Twitter over the past month or so, Caught*Red-handed launches the first of (hopefully many) New Year Giveaways!

Caught*Red-handed was launched in April of last year, and since then has gone from strength to strength to strength. The following that has been built up behind the site has been something that I never expected, and particularly blew me away when I looked at the latest RedBox download figures and realised that over 9500 individual copies of my recorded episodes have now been downloaded. To say that only four episodes have been recorded via RedBox thus far, that’s a staggering average of 2375 downloads per episode, which for a one-man jblog is something that I’m pretty darn proud of, even if I do say so myself!

Over the past eight months you’ve laughed at my katakana trials and tribulations, followed me along my delve into Japanese aesthetics, celebrated the introduction of a number of Guest_bloggers to the C*R-h stage, and shared in my less than average subjects such as deaf people in Japan, the rise of the Happiness Realisation Party, and the dip into Hayao Miyazaki’s backstory, to mention but a few. You even showered me with support as I stumbled (quite literally) through JLPT2 just a couple of weeks back. The pat on the back most definitely goes to you guys.

And so, to celebrate this wondrous milestone, I wondered what I could do. Well, dear readers (and of course listeners), I have pondered long and hard. I was going to go all hi-tech on you and provide you with iTunes vouchers for the Japan iTunes Store, but it would appear the wonderful Jonas over at Yonasu pipped me to the post on that count. I thought about linking into Japanese somehow and giving away some free language lessons, but the logistics of getting something like that to some of you more remote readers and listeners (I have two people that now listen to RedBox from Zimbabwe, would you believe!) was just proving too much like a disaster. And so, I took a trawl through my posts, and decided that undeniably, variety is the spice of life. And so there are two prizes, dependant on what you think you’d like the most; I know, I know, there are no bounds to my generosity…

Seven posts ago, I wrote a review on the fantastic Shogun by James Clavell. For those of you who had already read it, the post rekindled warm memories of an enjoyable, fantastic read. For those yet to feel the might of Clavell’s storytelling prowess, the desire to pick up a copy was so great that I had images of frenzied japanophiles clawing at the Caught*Red-handed front door in an attempt to burgle my beloved copy. And so prize one ladies and gents, is a copy of this most fabulous novel.

Recently there have been quite a number of posts within the j-o’sphere focussing on the massive amount of top notch, high quality online tools that are available for learning Japanese. Everything from iPhone apps to websites have been bandied around, and a great number of them I use myself. In the age old tradition of trying to be different however, Caught*Red-handed has decided to remain analogue for prize number two and is prepared to give away a copy of the highly coveted and absolutely sensational Kondansha’s Kanji Learner’s Dictionary. This is an invaluable tool, which much like my copy of Shogun, has been replaced more times than I care to remember and covers off the 1945 imperative kanji that you will need in everyday Japanese life, as well as a whole host of other kanji titbits that will get you well on your way to kanji comprehension whether you’re a beginner or the most advanced linguist.

These are two fantastic prizes, and two that I am more than happy to giveaway. And, much like the options in the prizes, there are also options in how you can win them:

Step 1 | Follow
This part is simple. All you have to do is either subscribe to my feed via email subscription, or follow me via Twitter. Or, if you really want to keep up-to-date with Caught*Red-handed, then feel free to get in on both acts!

Step 2 | Question 1
I would like to know either: the name of John Blackthorne’s illicit lover in Shogun, or: what is the most frequently used kanji in Japanese? If you look hard enough, then neither of these answers is very far away…

Step 3 | Question 2
This step is a little less specific and needs a little bit of thought before you dive straight in. I want to know either: what is your most favourite thing about Japan or: what is your least favourite thing about Japan? For this section, the more inventive and interesting your response, the better chance you have of winning one of the prizes, so try to come up with something original rather than the bog standard responses…

Step 4 | Choose
Just let me know which prize you would prefer. ‘Nuf said.

Step 5 | Entry
Entering the competition couldn’t be simpler: simply email your answers to Steps 1 – 4 (ensuring that you include the email address with which you subscribed to my feed and/or Twitter username) and I will review all entries after the closing date. Prizes can be shipped to any part of the world, so there is absolutely no restriction on entering no matter where you live. You may enter as many times as you like and with as many different answers and/or combination of answers to each of the sections; the only stipulation that I do have is that you must be following me by one of the methods in Step 1 up until at least the time that the winners are announced, shortly after New Year.

Sooooo, what are you waiting for? Get involved!

Psst: If you haven’t already, make sure you update your RSS feed details for C*R-h as the address has recently changed. Oh, and if you haven’t dipped into RedBox yet, then simply subscribe via iTunes here, or download the episodes from directly within each RedBox enabled episode.

And with that I wish you all a very Happy Big C and a Merry New Year, or is that the other way round? Catch ya!