I’ll let this site sit until the hosting runs out – so enjoy it while it lasts!  Thanks for reading, and I hope you find my new site even more refreshing!

You know that girl you’ve been looking for?  The perfect girl?  The woman who outshines all other women?  Well, I have some bad news for you.  You’re not going to find her, because I already did.  I found her, and that girl is mine.

Sparing you all the nitty gritty details, I ordered iLife for my MacBook, which currently does not have iLife on it.  I’m ordering it for one reason.  iPhoto.  And here begins my story.

Chesapeake’s MacBook Pro has been a non-performer for a long time.  Perhaps ever since it was born in the Apple factory (which we’ll pretend exists in California, and not FoxConn…).  I always noticed this, and I would always nag Chesapeake about this, but she didn’t seem to mind too much.  I found myself researching the problems of her laptop more than issues with my own technology.

In the end, I set up a meeting with an Apple “Genius”.  He turned out to be no genius at all, but that’s another story.  I finally got on the horn with Iftihar from Apple’s Customer Support HQ.  He gave me a few tests to run before I sent the damn thing off to Apple.  As I was running the tests, I thumbed through Chesapeake’s photos.  She has about 20,000.  She’s quite the avid photographer.

As I looked through her photos – and if you think I was snooping, sue me – I noticed something.  Chesapeake has a very rich life.  A very vibrant life.  She is an extremely vibrant woman.  Her past is filled with rich memories.  What I like about Chesapeake’s photos, is that they don’t look like a Facebook album.  They look like the portfolio of a professional photographer.

She creates the frame of the photo with what’s already in front of her.  The subject of the photos could be a tree, a discarded milkshake cup, or even a cigarette box.  No matter the subject, the composition is always stunning.  The photos always amaze me.  Even the ones she says are “bad”.  Every one of them.  They are all breathtaking and awe-inspiring.  Even the photos she took with her Sony Cybershot point-and-shoot.

So I continued looking through these photos capturing the landscape, the emotion, and the happy moments of her past.  I knew it all along, but it really clicked right then.  Chesapeake is a woman full of knowledge, experiences, and emotions.  She is the complete package.  She knows herself, and she knows others.  She uses her rich memories to enhance the present.  She’s just… perfect.

When I first started out on my journey to discover my heart, I knew the bond I had – and still have, and always will have – with Chesapeake.  I knew how strong it would always be.  I held onto that knowledge, and I have worked every day since improving the man I am.  We are both the best we can be – for ourselves.  Because we do it for ourselves, we are able to share ourselves with each other.

The message here is simple.  Chesapeake is the most amazing woman on this planet, and I know that with absolute certainty.  And I found her.  Fate brought us together, and here we are.  Miles believes in duct tape, and I believe in Chesapeake and me.  I believe in the love we share with each other.  I believe in the flood of happiness that runs over me when I think of her, when I look at her, when I’m close to her.

So once again, I’m sorry, men of the world.  I found her.  I found the most amazing woman on the planet, and she’s mine.  My heart is hers to hold, and I will shower her in my love every day for the rest of my life.  You’ll just have to settle for something else.  As for you, Chesapeake, I love you more every day.  You are my everything.

Being debt-free has led to the relief and removal of a lot of stress in my life. However, as you may recall from a previous post of mine, the key is to not become a tightwad. For a brief tenure of my debt-free life, I resorted to only saving, saving, saving. I wasn’t having any fun with my money, and that’s not good. Money should be used to give you security, stability, and pleasure! It’s very important to remember that third item in my list.

I have often spoken about taking the love of my life to faraway places, but I didn’t act on it. Granted, at the time, I was getting out of debt, so I didn’t want to go any further in. However, even when I was saving money, I thought I would need to save much more than the cost of the trip before I would “deserve” to take a trip like that.  After a good deal of sould-searching and an awakening like none I’ve ever had in my life, I bought the plane tickets.  It was as simple as that.  I am debt-free, and I can take a trip to another country – with cash.

I spent four weeks planning the trip.  I booked a reservation at a swanky restaurant – four weeks in advance.  I’d like to think it was that advance planning that got us the best seats in the place when we arrived.  I booked one of the nicest five-star hotels in London, because come on – it’s London!  I’m not staying in the Red Roof Inn after sixteen hours of travel!  I planned every tube station we’d need to start and stop at to get to each of our destinations.  Even though we flew by the seat of our pants and dresses for the most part, it was nice to have planned it anyway.  It was sweet.  I think my sweetheart would agree.

We went to the beautiful Covent Garden, where we found an absolutely delicious croissant filled with vegetables and potatoes.  It was piping hot, and it was delicious.  Also in Covent Garden, we saw a street performer juggle three swords while riding back and forth on a twelve-foot tall unicycle.  The sights were brilliant and vibrant, and the smells were crisp and inviting.

We went to a quaint little bookshop with books written by women and for women.  The shop owner had the most fantastic British accent we heard on the whole trip.  I could have stayed there and listened to her all day.  Of course, I wouldn’t have, because I wanted to spend every waking moment with my love.  We went to Platform 9 3/4, but they were doing construction, so we didn’t get to go on the Hogwarts Express.  Boo.

We went to Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park and listened to Muslims, Christians, and fervent Africans, all promulgating their views with zeal and volume.  It was absolutely frigid (perhaps because I didn’t take any thermal underwear), but it was absolutely worth it.  We went to the Spitalfields market, at which we stopped in multiple bike shops.  While in the market, I almost felt like I was in Italy again.  Everything just works in London.  There’s no need to go anywhere else.  It’s all just so right there.

We also made a stop at Harrod’s.  I didn’t know what Harrod’s was before the trip.  My love thought she wouldn’t like it.  That might have been our favorite stop of the whole trip.  Harrod’s is a wonderland of adventure.  You think you’ve seen a mall?  Even the prettiest mall in the world isn’t as amazing as Harrod’s.  We partook in the best pizza either of us has ever had, in the Harrod’s “food court”.  I hesitate to even call it a “food court,” because the food was at an infinitely higher level than that of any American “food court”.  Harrod’s was completely sublime, and I cannot WAIT to go back.

We took a beautiful stroll along the Thames.  The London skyline is gorgeous.  I can’t think of a better place to take a jog than along the Thames.  We saw a book market being closed for the day, but we’re totally going back to buy some books when it’s open again.  I found my dream flat, smack dab in the center of the Thames.  It’s black, orange, and red.  It’s amazing.  We also looked at the outside of the glorious Tate Modern.  We weren’t there in time to explore, but it’s another thing to add to the list for next time.  My love got a delectable foot rub outside the Tate.  You can ask her how much she liked that. 

I might have missed a few things, but my love and I hold the memories very close to our hearts.  They’re not memories in the sense that we’ll never be there again – quite the opposite.  They’re the embers that will support our fire of desire to go back.  My chesapeake was already in love with London, and now I am too.

So… I have a few surprises up my sleeve.  There are surprises for everybody, actually.  However, one special person gets lots more than the rest.  Is there a reason for this?  Sure!  Because I’m cbte and I say so!  No, in all seriousness, there are reasons that will stay between me and that very special person.  You might wonder, Cbte, how did you ever keep all these secrets so well? I’ll tell you how.

When you take a long, hard look at your life – really examine it – you realize the things that are worth giving your all to.  It’s not the same as pushing really hard during a soccer game.  I use that example because I remember all of the soccer coaches from my childhood saying, “Give it 110%!”  I always thought that was ridiculous.  It’s impossible to give 110%.  But you know what?  You’ll never achieve what you want, unless you demand more from yourself than is possible.  Why not aim for that whimsical 110%, even though it doesn’t exist?  I’m okay with that.

So how have I kept my surprises so well hidden?  I now know the value of a surprise.  That’s how.  I know what it means to go from knowing almost nothing about something to knowing everything about it.  The adrenaline rush is part of whatever the surprise may be.  It’s just as important as the surprise itself.  But how is it possible?  As the Beatles say, “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.”

Do you want to make somebody’s day?  Before you set out to do something special, think about why that person (or people) is special to you.  Why are they worth it?  Why are you going to demand more of yourself than is possible for them?  Once you know the answer to these questions, there’s no way you won’t amaze the surprisee – and yourself.  Don’t ever stop pushing your limits.

As much as we crave uncertainty, spontaneity, and surprise – we crave certainty.  I want adventure in my life, but I also want that one corner of my brain to hold onto the things that I know I will always believe.  The memories I will always hold dear.  The people I will always love.  Excitement and surprise are like the lighter fluid for a fire, while certainty is the wood – constantly burning.  Certainty forms the foundation of happiness.

So how do you know what you’re certain about?  First, you examine your belief system.  Religion, morals, standards.  When soemone asks you about these things, you don’t have to think about the answers – they’re just there.  They aren’t things that you often change your mind about, and if you do, you don’t waver quickly from one idea to the other.

What memories do you hold dear?  Perhaps special moments during your childhood.  The first time you stood up for yourself and felt proud about it.  Your first kiss with the love of your life.  You don’t have to decide if these memories bring you joy or not – they just do.  You can feel it.

How about people?  Do you love your parents?  Do you know without a doubt that they will always be there for you?  Do you feel it in your heart?  I wager that everyone has at least one close friend that they know they will never lose, no matter what.  What about someone you love?  Do you feel that person’s unconditional commitment to you?  Do you feel your commitment to him or her?

As I have spent the past weeks discovering who I really am and how I want to share myself with others, I’ve discovered much about my own need for certainty.  But… there’s a twist.  If I asked you what you were certain about, say, with regard to your beliefs, you’d respond with something obvious.  A religion you are already practicing.  A relationship with God that you are already fully engaged in.  Something that is already in motion.

If you ask me the same question, the answer begins to head off the taken path, but it loses none of its validity.  There are things I am certain about right now that are not in motion.  However, I know – I am certain – that I will get to the place I can already see in my mind – where those things are in motion.  You might say that notion is bogus, but I beg to differ.  Nay, I simply differ.  No begging necessary.  I know – I am certain – because I can feel these things in my heart.  I know without a doubt what’s in store for me, because I have the power to choose.

I arduously make this point because it’s extremely easy to be side-tracked with distractions and lose focus.  To use a music analogy (which I love, of course), it’s like writing half of the first movement of a symphony and quitting because it’s not finished yet.  The composer knows his intended finished product.  Sure, there might be added ornamentation here and there, but to quit prematurely is to rob yourself of the greatest gifts you could possibly give yourself.  Goals aren’t unattainable just because the end result isn’t in your hand already.  Things worth fighting for aren’t that easy.  That’s what makes them so much more amazing when you get them.

As I continue to make monumental changes in my life, trepidation is quick to attempt a coup on my efforts.  It tells me that I won’t succeed, that I won’t be who and what I need to be.  But you know what I have to say to that?  I already am who and what I need to be.  I am everything I can be in this moment, and that is all that matters.  “The future” is just a figure of speech.  The future is really an enactment of the present.  I am asking 105% of myself, so if I only give 100%, I’ll be doing just fine.  “The future” is not important to me – it only matters how I live my life right now.

As bits of certainty in my life fog up, I simply wipe the fog away to see that it was only unjustified fear.  I know what I’m certain about, and I know exactly what I need to do to make my dreams realities.  And guess what?  I’m already taking action.

Well, my media center is gone.  The PS3, the TV, and the surround sound.  So how do I feel?

I feel free.  I’ll come to a point in my day where I would usually put on a bluray movie to occupy my time, and I have to actively think of new things to do.  New things to write.  New things to create.  New things to design.  New things to plan.  Or nothing.

I can just stand here in silence.  If I want to put on some tunes, that’s perfectly acceptable too – and I can just be.  There is so much more room in my brain and heart now for meditation and reflection.  I have time to simply enjoy my life and think of all that I’m grateful for.  When I expend those extra feelings of gratitude, I become a better person for the people who need me.  I become more focused on why they are important to me and what I need to do to show them how much I love them.

Getting rid of my media center doesn’t mean that I’ll never have one again.  It means that at this point in my life, it was just what I needed to continue on my journey to being the most awesome man I can possibly be.  I have gotten so much clarity over the past few weeks, it’s almost unbelievable.  But I believe it.  I’m living it.

I’ve read a few articles lately about how change is nearly impossible to achieve within individuals.  As I read more and more about these pessimistic people spewing statistics left and right, I begin to put myself in one of two categories.  I’m either the 1 person out of 10 who is capable of change, or I’m not really “changing” per se.  All I’ve ever needed was within me already – so is bringing it to the surface really “changing”?  Regardless of the specifics, I put myself in both categories.  I will always rise above all odds.  That makes me a rarity.  Also, I know that I have what it takes to be the man I was made to be, and I have always had it.  I’m just lighting the fire now.  It’s ridiculously refreshing.

So what is getting rid of the TV all about?  It’s about a lot of things.  It’s about my personal development.  It’s about being more passionate.  It’s about being more dedicated.  It’s about being more open.  It’s about being more confident.  It’s about being more loving.  It’s about being everything people are always told they can’t be.

Am I suffering from postpartum TV separation anxiety?  Absolutely not.  Am I already a stronger man?  Absolutely I am.

I don’t really “watch TV”, per se.  I do, however, watch bluray movies.  I absolutely love seeing high definition content and hearing 5.1 surround sound.  But wait… if I enjoy this experience, why am I getting rid of my media setup?

Minimalist bloggers everywhere are getting rid of their televisions.  They talk about how TV consumes much of our valuable time that could be used traveling, making money with a small business, or sharing some love with someone you love.  The common theme, however, is that they are mostly referring to cable TV.  The only cable TV I watch is one episode of American Idol and one episode of Glee – some weeks.  Not even every week.  So again I ask, why am I ditching my TV, PS3, and surround sound?

I see my media setup as a “comfort zone”.  It’s a fallback plan when I can’t think of anything else to do.  If I’m too bored or the night is too quiet, I can enter the world of Jason Bourne at the press of a button (or three).  The TV makes it too easy to put off doing far more important things.  Even if I’m only watching one movie per week, I can still feel the “availability” of the media system pulling me away from making a difference in my own life and the lives of others.

One goal of mine is to be able to travel anywhere at any time.  Yes, it’s possible to transport my media setup, but why bother?  The TV weighs at least 30 pounds, the subwoofer/amplifier unit alone weighs 55 pounds, and the PS3 + blurays + games + surround speakers probably total out around 15 pounds.  That’s 100 pounds of “stuff” that I won’t have to transport between places when I move next.  It’s also quite a large volume.

And you know, it’s a bigger deal than just that.  Getting rid of such a substantial part of my life is going to be huge momentum to get rid of even more.  Once I get down to less than 100 things, it will be ridiculously easy to move around, and it will be ridiculously cheap to live.  As soon as I get rid of my car, my cost of living will drop even more – to almost nothing, really.  Although this is one fantastic freaking benefit, it’s not why I’m getting rid of my media setup.

I’m doing it to fully commit to being the man I want to be.  I’m cutting the cord to focus on the things that matter most to me.  I’m losing the THX certified sound to make my own music, with my own instrument – more often.  I’m getting rid of the PS3 to have meaningful conversations, rather than to frag n00bs.  I might not use it that often, but when it’s gone, something magical is going to happen.  I can already feel it.  Can you?

My confidence level is one of the biggest determining factors of how well my day will go.  If I don’t feel like I’m going to succeed at something, I usually don’t.  If I’m feeling extremely confident about it, the outcome no longer matters as much – but I usually succeed, to boot.  Here’s the deal.

Our brains don’t know the difference between reality and our vivid imagination.  The only reason you perceive the things you encounter as “reality” is because you assign a definition of reality to those things.  If you focus long enough on the things you want to achieve – and even vividly imagine already achieving them – you will.  You can’t just do this once, though.  You have to do it every day, multiple times a day, all day.

I have realized that in the past, I felt I lacked the confidence necessary to achieve my serious goals.  It turns out I didn’t lack any confidence at all – it has been within me my entire life.  I just haven’t allowed it to surface.  It takes a serious breakthrough to realize this, but it is possible – so don’t give up!

Today I decided to go through the entire day with a purpose!  With every step I took, every thing I said, and every facial expression I made, I exuded my confidence.  Did I know what I was doing?  Maybe not!  But that doesn’t matter!  Someone awesome once told me, “Nobody knows what they are doing!”  This is 100% true.  Since nobody knows, why not act like you do!

If you go throughout life questioning yourself, you’ll never be great.  The moment you accept who you are and show your colors with pride, the real magic will start to happen.  I’ve been feeling it for a few weeks now, and it’s really starting to shine now.  And guess what?  This is only the beginning.  Don’t wait another second.  Be you right now, and do it with confidence!

Michael Jordan was a fantastic basketball player.  Eric Ruske is a fantastic horn player.  It’s easy to think that these people are superhuman and infinitely passionate about what they do.  It would explain why they are so good at what they do, certainly.  What is often overlooked is that passion is something that must be refreshed and practiced every day.

Experts don’t become experts by wanting.  They become experts by doing.  It’s important to understand the difference.  You can want that corner office your entire life.  You can want a million dollars for forever.  You can wish your relationship was better.  But you know what will actually make these things happen?  Doing.  Passion is not simply an emotion, it’s a practice.  It’s something that must be constantly fueled.

Every day you wake up, you need to spend at least 10 minutes thinking – and even better, verbally speaking – the things you are passionate about.  If you don’t fuel yourself every day, you will easily lose focus and begin to wonder why you aren’t getting what you want.  Passion is not just a desire, it’s an effort.  If you say you’re passionate about getting a promotion, do everything in your power to prove your worth.  Don’t just dream.  Do.

Passion is a necessary fuel for personal and emotional development, but it doesn’t come from nothing.  You have to create the passion in you.  Wanting something really badly doesn’t count as passion.  Doing something about that desire does count.

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself – out loud – what you’re passionate about.  Tell yourself why you are going to do everything in your power to pursue that goal, that dream, that person.  Tell yourself how grateful you are for the opportunities you have, and go seek your dreams!

Nothing is impossible in this world.  Improbable?  Perhaps.  But impossible?  Not a chance.  If anyone tells you otherwise, prove them wrong.

Often, people associate “giving” with donating money to a charitable cause.  This is a fine example of giving, but it is without a doubt not the only way to give.  There is another form of giving that is forgotten through repetition of its absence.  It is perhaps the most important form of giving you’ll ever practice.

What escapes people is the practice of giving to the people they love.  As time goes by, they figure their love is apparent through different mediums.  This is true.  As we develop and create new bonds with people, they feel our love in new and exciting ways; however, this is no excuse to eradicate giving as a whole.

What you have to discover is what “giving” means to you.  It doesn’t have to be monetary, but it can be – and sometimes should be.  Giving can be as simple as buying flowers or as big as taking an all-day trip to a fun convention.  There is a common theme to these things.  They cost money.  I’ve been a tightwad for a long time, so I can empathize with someone who feels they shouldn’t spend money when they don’t “need” to.  However, the “need” portion of that statement should be closely examined.  Just because you don’t think someone needs something doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t need that something.

The main point of giving is to not think about what you can give, but about what others would be appreciative of.  When you look at it through someone else’s eyes, giving takes on a new meaning.  Don’t give to make you feel good, give to make him/her/them feel good.  Your joy will come with theirs.