Men, it's about time you learned how to dress. Come learn how.

Lesson #99: Cardigans are fun!

2010-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

Often we treat our cardigans like we treat our children: sometimes we cherish them, other times we get fed up and throw 'em in a pile at the back of a closet. I've always been a fan (of cardigans, that is), so it's fortunate that they're back in style. Let's see what separates the quality cardigan from the undesirable one.

Moschino Contrast Embroidered Crest Wool Logo Cardigan

INFEASIBLE: Uniform-looking Cardigans

I bet most of you are happy to have survived high school [and you youngsters still stuck in the system, carry forth sons]. So why would you ever want to wear something that reminded you of cafeteria drama, patronizing teachers, and boring algebra textbooks? Granted, you probably didn't wear an uniform as loud as anything like this, but one look at this snotty private school throwback, and people will tell you to get back on the train to Charlotte Catholic.

D&G Pieced Cardigan

Feasible: Neutral colored, lightweight cardigans

Now this is something people will appreciate: nothing loud, nothing gaudy, nothing to spur images of stuffy Bostonian prep boys. Just a comfy, smooth piece. True, this piece is a little too expensive ($365 as of 1/3/10), but the price will go down as the quality remains excellent.

Musing on Men's Fashion - Review of Moniker services

2009-12-28T12:06:00.000-08:00

A while back, Christopher of Moniker - a website that takes custom orders on shirts at very reasonable prices - sent me an email and asked if I would like a free collared shirt of my own designing. Which, looking back, was kind of a no-brainer because a) I love getting shit on the gratis, and b) I love playing Valentino whenever people let me. And, naturally, I wasn't going to ask for anything run-of-the-mill or easily manufactured - yes, I'm a bit of an opportunistic prick.

After several emails, Chris knew I wanted a shirt that would fit long on me, i.e. kind of drape down close to my knees, experimented with blue and lavender pastels, rocked a fly front, and had extra skinny cuffs. I think of it as a cross between a button-down and very light coat, to always be left open and paired with a nice tee underneath. I had high hopes for what the people of Moniker could do, but, honestly, I still wasn't sure they would be able to actualize my vision of a top less ordinary.

As you can very well see, the shirt turned out fantastic. My quirky idea found life in almost every regard imagined (the only alteration I made myself was to replace the buttons with some fancy-schmancy ones I ordered online from Hushco Buttons of Beverly Hills). I have received many compliments on the garm and even a few winks here and there. And being 100% cotton, the shirt has lasted several washings already without fail and the colors continue to entertain the eye. Bravo guys! I highly recommend Moniker for all your one-of-a-kind shirt services.

Check out the Moniker Wear website!

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Nick Cannon

2009-12-22T15:07:00.000-08:00

Nick Cannon is looking festive with his winter hat inspired by Santa's cap and his red hoodie. Nothing wrong with a little holiday spirit.

But then there's the matter of his pants: I'm not sure what brand likes to put their logo - in gold mind you - split across the crotch, but it's no brand you should be buying. I simply can't draw my eye away from the pelvic advertisement to evaluate his outfit further. Nick, give a present to the world and trash the pants.

Lesson #98: Sleeves meant for the iPhone

2009-12-15T17:32:00.000-08:00

So you finally gave into the geek groupthink and bought an iPhone: bravo, you're now complete as a person. But you can't leave your new cellphone/iPod/GPS stalker device naked in the windy winter, now can you?

Apple iPhone 1G Orion Elegant Sleeve Case with Fine Stitching - Camo

INFEASIBLE: Sleeves that barely protect and don't match for shit

Sleeves for your phone should provide protection for the entire dohickey, not just the screen; though made of leather, this camo sleeve barely even prevents scratching. That and what exactly matches the camo design anyway? That is, besides a camo outfit - which is something I don't even want to picture right now. Go rogue: Stay in vogue [just made that up willing to sell slogan rights to highest bidder email available at bottom of page k thanks]

C.E.O. Sleeve for iPhone 3G

Feasible: Sleeves with some girth and color appreciation

Unlike its combatant-like companion, this sleeve quickly matches a large variety of outfits, bags, etc. It also features much more leather padding for the front and back of the phone, which house the phone's more fragile pieces. Get this and you'll be remote tweeting in protective style in no time, you oh so sophisticated Internet-citizen!

Lesson #97: Vests and you

2009-12-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

Wearing a vest is always a bold statement. But different vests convey different messages...

ROAR Justice Vest

INFEASIBLE: Vests with printed designs

I look at this vest from ROAR and I think "hypercommercialized punk". Unless you're trying to imitate or mock Billie Joe Armstrong (I pray it's the latter), this vest will make you look downright laughable. Vests marred with decals, even vests with stripes larger than pins, are on par with those stupid, faux-counterculture Affliction blazers. Pass on stuff like this, gents.

Volcom Stone Suit Gray Vest

Feasible: Simple yet sharp vests

Volcom wins again with this sharp silvery vest. True, the vest does feature the logo, but it's near the edge and has been embroidered versus printed. That and the interior is hella snazzy, so you could easily rock it unbuttoned and with a solid collared shirt to give people a hint of your independence. As always, <3 volcom.

And the winner is...

2009-12-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

...gmmedinam! Who so eloquently argued on behalf of Roger Sterling:

Roger Sterling has in style what he lacks in other areas. His very name "Sterling" says it all : Not only is his hair a lustrous silver, but he tends to favor grey palates ,although he doesn't shy from darker colors and often wearing suits that outshine those worn by the lead himself.He can wear a vest like no other and always looks stylish with a hint of a pocket square in everything he wears. His whole look commands confidence and gives him a slick air and appearance.

He is the very definition of a silver fox, that Roger Sterling.

Here, here, Roger is a total silver fox! Expect an email soon, gmmedinam! And the rest of you, stay tuned for the next CE contest!

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Clay Aiken

2009-12-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

I don't think I've heard a Clay Aiken song in years, but I guess he must be doing something these days to warrant a photographer's attention. Too bad he looked downright silly at the time. First of all, your suit is too big for you, Clay; it practically swallows your neck. And since you were cursed with the face of an eight year old brat, looking at you right now makes me think of a child that went rummaging through Dad's closet. Secondly, your tie is essentially the US flag, which only clueless politicians ever wear. Try harder next time.

Don't forget about our Mad Men contest!!!

Lesson #96: What to look for in gloves

2009-11-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

A pair of well-made gloves are clutch for a brisk fall day in New York or a bitterly cold winter morning in Vermont. But they shouldn't cost you a nickle, dime, and a $100 bill...

Emporio Armani leather gloves 1747 - brown

INFEASIBLE: Really expensive leather gloves

Leather gloves are the way to go in terms of what type of material to rock (since leather's resilient, comfortable, insulated, etc.), but don't get roped into spending a hundie on them. Seriously, you're only paying for the name with this pair: nothing kingly about these designs.

Isotoner® Men's Leather Gloves - Black

Feasible:Stuff from Isotope

Isotope makes a great pair of leather gloves (I used to have a pair before I left them at a movie theater - yes, I was intoxicated at the time) that never goes for more than $50. These ones, which come with a microterry lining for additional comfort I might add, are on sale (as of 11/30/09).

Oh, and readers, don't forget about our Mad Men contest!!!

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Adam Lambert

2009-11-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

I know costume wear is a whole different animal from clothes you would wear off-stage, but, seriously Adam, what the fuck? Why do you have stalagmites coming out of your shoulder? Why is your hair shaped like Goku's? And why are you covered in glitter? Even prepubescent girls know better than to run around, shimmering like Edward Cullens in the sunshine. Really, what are you trying to say here? That you're the new David Bowie? Well you're not dude, so get over it. Also, go easy on the eyeliner next time, hun.

Oh, and readers, don't forget about our Mad Men contest!!!

CONTEST: Win a AXE Hair Classic Kit (worth over $200)

2009-11-23T09:21:00.001-08:00

We are proud to announce that it's time for another contest! And, goddamn, do we have an kickass prize in store! The good people at AXE were nice enough send this big boy over, a "AXE Hair Classic Look Kit":

You'd never find something like this in a salon. This puppy includes a Season 1 box set of the magnificent AMC show Mad Men, a bottle of AXE Itch Relief 2 in 1 Cooling Anti-Dandruff Shampoo + Conditioner, a tub of new AXE Smooth & Sophisticated Look Shine Pomade (so you can part and slick your hair all nice like Donald Draper), a full-purpose shoe shining kit, a tin of Altoids, a $75 tie from Brooks Brothers, annnnnnnd a mahogany cigar case. Gents, this merch is worth over $200 and is sure to make you the source of envy of all your sartorial friends.

So how do you get a crack at taking home the bacon? It's simple, really: Leave a comment (be sure include an email address or have one listed on your Google accounts profile) on this post explaining which of the male characters on Mad Men is the most fashionable. Don, Roger, Salvatore, they're all up for grabs - hell, pitch Bert Cooper if you think you can sell us on it. The most persuasive comment after two weeks (contest ends on 12/7/09) wins the kit.

Get going already! Click the Comment link below!

Lesson #95: Buttons, buttons

2009-11-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

Buttons with safety-pin fasteners are strange accessories - they've always been considered the utmost kitschy - and can only be used in the most casual of situations. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun with them...

I Heart Mix Tapes Mini Button

INFEASIBLE: Buttons you'd find on CafePress

Sure, there's a campy quality to all buttons (hell, the first ones were used in campaign promotions for politicians) but that doesn't mean you should wear something that looks downright schlocky. Word of wisdon: The printwork at CafePress is notoriously cheap, and don't forget literally anyone can upload their shitty photoshop of Lady Gaga's crotch hair (WS but NSFM). You would need to search for hours on CP to find anything the least bit designer. All of that and so many of the ideas are just incredibly tired: "I Heart Mix Tapes"? High Fidelity left theaters like 20 years ago, people!

Legion of Doom buttons

Feasible:Buttons with nifty designs

I don't know what's going on in this button, but fuck it if it isn't pretty sweet. That and I admit to liking Legion of Doom. Merchlackey, unlike CafePress, produces high quality buttons, mostly for bands and other music acts, designed by artists. Believe me, you'll get noticed for a good reason if you wear something like this to your next house party.

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Jon Gosselin

2009-11-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

Oh look, Jon's back! Still hasn't invested in a decent image consultant, have you Jon? Because if you had a decent image consultant at your disposal, then you wouldn't be wearing an oversized suit jacket, a ruffled collared shirt, and an ugly purple tie covered in phallic images. Seriously, Jon, I'd even be your image consultant at this point; send me an email if you can come to your senses for five minutes. <3

Musings on Men's Fashion - Review of a Farofa Nation Tee

2009-11-10T15:25:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I got a piece of merchandise - no, not of the contraband variety, unfortunately - to review. It was a tee made by the company Farofa Nation, who's shtick is making "t-shirts with a conscience." Evidently they're all about giving back at Farofa: 10% of sales are contributed to TASK BRASIL, an organization devoted to helping "street kids" (read: disenfranchised youth) in Brasil. I totally support companies that donate to causes or whatever, but not if its product line blows.

Fortunately, the people at Farofa Nation know how to make a damn good tshirt. Not only is the "Join The Army: Tank" piece 100% cotton and form fitting, it also comes with a pretty nifty and topical cartoon for the graphic. And no, it's not a shitty print job (see below).

To give the shirt a full and proper review, I took it upon myself to wear the tee for three days straight (minus time for showers and loveage), both with collared shirts and by its lonesome. It worked swimmingly in either case. As for color issues, the cool green wasn't stained by beer and taco juice pills, and it also survived the laundry unscathed. All in all, it looks like Farofa Nation is doing a bang-up job, both in terms of tee design and global village-minded manufacturing. Check them out at FarofaNation.com

(this is me smelling the tshirt after the wash, or using it as a face blanket, or perhaps even as an H1N1 mask. You decide which sounds cooler and get back to me)

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Chris Brown

2009-11-09T15:26:00.000-08:00

There's no doubt that Chris Brown's a total dbag for striking the lovely Rihanna, but who knew he could look the part so well? I am at a loss for where to begin with that...sweater-vest-pullover-pea-coat ugliness he's wearing. Maybe it's the excess of buttons? Maybe it's the silliness of a tie peaking out from underneath? Or maybe it's the really tight arms matched with the loose waist? I'd vote guilty just for him wearing this hodgepodge of a piece, no "due process" necessary. Check out WENN for a closer look at this crap.

Lesson #94: Men's winter hats and you

2009-11-06T13:11:00.000-08:00

You lose a ridiculous amount of body heat from exposing your head to the cold. But how do you rock a winter hat without looking ridiculous?

San York Chullo Winter Hat - Alpaca

INFEASIBLE: Dorky chullos with strings

I don't know how many spliffs you'd need to light to think wearing something stoner-tastic like this would be fashionable, but it'd have to be a lot. Nasty jokes aside, I suppose snowboarder punks have something of a style. A stupid-ass style, that is. Gents, chullos are never in style and probably never will be.

The North Face Flash Beanie

Feasible:Simple dark beanies

Hey, who said winter hats need be stylized? You only wear them when you're trucking around in the snow anyways. This North Face is simple, durable, comes off your head easy, and doesn't make you look silly. Easy.

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Hugh Jackman

2009-11-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

Hugh Jackman looks like a straight-up creeper here: midnight-dark sunglasses, long overcoat, snug hat, and in the company of a small child. Not the greatest photo op, Hugh. Why not try some color next time!

Lesson #93. Accessories: Quality, not quantity

2009-10-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

Like I've said before, accessories give an outfit its individuality. However, too much personality, e.g. having too many or too "loud" wrist accessories, is never called for. Check it:

GUESS Black leather wristband with laced chain

INFEASIBLE: Big, bulky wristbands, watches, etc.

Your arm or wrist shouldn't house a gallery of metal, leather, crappy plastic studs, watch-works, etc. Accessories give you a distinctive look only in smaller portions. With something like this GUESS and other junk fastened to you, you end up looking like some hyperconsumer punk or a hoarder. This also happens to apply across gender lines, ladies.

Ellis 3/4" Dark Brown Weaved Cuff Leather Bracelet

Feasible:One, finely made piece of gear

When in doubt about how to be street-savvy, just go with a single wrist accessory: rock one of your Invicta watches, an AIDS awareness bracelet, or something like this finely woven Ellis. Again, accessorizing is all about saying a lot with a little.

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Doug Reinhardt

2009-10-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Doug Reinhardt is Paris Hilton's latest squeeze and, boy, does he look good. Good as the boring, tired part of grown-up frat boy. Wooo, let's get excited about a blase J.Crew shirt and overpriced Diesel jeans! Go home.

Musings on Men's Fashion - 10/23/09

2009-10-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

Men, we dress well for a variety of reasons. One is simply to look good since aesthetics is, in and of itself, important. But, and let's be honest here, another, more practical reason is to get laid. Gents, gays seek men that look good, bi guys chase men that look good, bi girls eye men that look good...you see where I'm going with this. There just is something inherently sexy about taking time to polish and furnish your appearance, especially if you know when it's being done to impress you.

When I was 18 and in college, I really didn't care that much about fashion. Of course, when you're in college you don't really have to worry about dressing that well or buying viagra online to get the deed done. Still, who were the luckiest guys on campus? The men that took care of themselves and didn't dress like, well, drunken slobs all the time.

Unfortunately, it's not as easy to get action in the "REAL WORLD" as it was in college; this probably isn't a surprise to anyone. In light of this saaaaaad reality, guys (you and I) need to do what we can to find love and fight the competition. And one of the best items to have in your sexual arsenal is a keen sense of fashion and a repertoire to match. Amen.

NOTE: Some of the above links may be sponsored content.

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Jon Gosselin

2009-10-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

These days everything Jon Gosselin touches turns to shit or delivers grounds for a lawsuit, and the clod can't even bother to wear something decent as he trucks around. Gents, no one looks cool with their cap backwards anymore, and checkered junk like that shirt of his was never hip. You're not fifteen, Jon - you're just a delinquent father and husband. Get an image consultant for Christ's sake.

Lesson #92: Belts in the workplace

2009-10-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

Pants are crucial (no shit), but no pair of jeans, slacks, chinos, etc. should go without a proper belt. And there are particular belts for particular occasions. Let's talk about belts and the workplace.

Atelier LaDurance Saddle Belt Black

INFEASIBLE: Saddle belts

I dunno, I look at a saddle belt and I think: construction worker, shepherd, etc. It's all well and good if that's what you do (thanks for supporting our infrastructure, boys!) but for the office pawns and those stuck in middle-management hell, be sure to stay away from belts that say, "I work for a living; no, really, I work for a living." Besides, it's a 100 bones (as of 10/13/09) - not very proletarian, I'd say.

The Brothers Bray & Co. Waxed Leather Belt

Feasible:Black and gray leather belts

I'm telling you guys, Urban Outfitters never fails when it comes to selling quality belts. This belt works with BOTH slacks and denim and a whole range of colors. Whether it's a Manic Monday or a Casual Friday, this belt can do the job at the j.o.b.

Speaking of work, any leads for a punk that's just returned to NY? :o)

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Russell Brand

2009-10-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

Russel Brand, you're a funny guy and all, but your taste in clothes is probably what's most hilarious about you. Here you look like a cross between Captain Jack Sparrow, Beethoven, and a shock rocker. Just couldn't wait for Halloween, could ya?

Lesson #91: The classic white buttoned shirt

2009-10-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

Ah, the classic white buttoned shirt. Being a staple of your wardrobe, you should have like four of these. But, hey, who says one of those four shouldn't be a little special...

Diesel Sebig Shirt

INFEASIBLE: BORING alteration of a white shirt

This Diesel piece is dull, especially for $100 (as of 10/5/09). Two pockets and a fly front? Please, there was an Old Navy shirt just like this one a few years back...and we all know about how ON and creativity don't play well together.

Just Cavalli White Shirt

Feasible: The classic white with a little *zazz*

Yeah, I hate that word too: "zazz". Sounds like a sugary soft drink from the 90's. Trivialities aside, the addition of the black highlights really breathes new life into this otherwise commonplace design. It's also not too much of an addition to negate a shirt/dark blazer combo. Smooth.

What's Wrong With This Picture?: Lamar Odom

2009-09-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

I can't say I know too much about weddings and the surrounding ceremonies in the world of hyper-celebrities in 2009, but at least how it was for us laymen back in 2008. For instance, guys wore a buttoned shirt for a rehearsal dinner. I think it would've caused a stir to show up in dog tags, an ugly purple tshirt and raggy pants - especially if you're the groom-to-be. Men, do show up to yours and others' rehearsal dinners wearing at least something semi-formal.

Oh, and congrats Lamar.

And readers, don't forget to check out CE's watch contest!

And the winner is...

2009-09-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

...Mark! Mark suggested this number to match the Orient cdbaa003a:

Black gingham fitted collared shirt with classic opal buttons with green thread 3/4 folded sleeves... All stitching is cross stitching in green thread to contrast the small amount red on the watch.

Here, here! Mark, come forward and claim your prize! And the rest of you, SHAME. :p