It’s a brand new year in a brand new decade and those of us here in the U.S. are encouraged to make some New Year’s Resolutions. We only have one: to never make a New Year’s Resolution again. In January people sign up for the gym in record numbers, by April, those numbers have been cut in half. And it’s the same with diets and cooking classes and organizing your house. This year, we have a better idea, we invite you to have a New Year’s Revolution. 

What’s the difference? Glad you asked! A New Year’s Revolution is when we stop pushing ourselves and criticizing ourselves into change. Instead, we take a gentle, curious and loving approach to ourselves. This way, we find a deep place of peace and acceptance about our life choices, our bodies, our sexual desires and fantasies, and our failures and disappointments. It is amazing what happens when you stop pushing, you actually start living your life the way that you want to live it. A Resolution (boo!) is when you listen to the voices that you’ve taken on from the outside telling you what you what’s wrong with you and what you are supposed to do to fix it. A Revolution  (yea!) is when you reclaim your birthright, your connection to the inner voice that actually knows what you really want so that you can feel comfortable, safe, joyful and fulfilled.

Carson was the highlight in front of the camera – her smoldering sultriness came across well on camera and it’s pretty hard not to have a crush on her. The actors were quite openly enthusiastic about having their woman-to-women and queer encounters, and the confessionals before the action were some of the most entertaining moments.  The stars had very sexy, queer-next-door looks, and were enchanting and diverse. The range of body-types was VERY refreshing and there was some fun, gender-bending costuming.

The downside was that many of the scenes lacked the kind of sexual intensity that smoldered behind Carson’s eyes. While we appreciate the attempt to expand the genre of porn, Seven Minutes in Heaven felt more like a crossover film done in much the same style as typical porn, catering to a larger audience that needs more genitals than passion or creativity.  The best scene by far was the final gangbang scene, which did show passion, creativity and intensity and the women really laid it all out there – pun quite intended – for us to experience and enjoy.
OVERALL:

* An above-average porn film in and a great queer film to boot.
PLUSSES:

* Genuinely queer, genuinely hot, genuinely enthusiastic women.

* A few stars that really know how to steam up your screen.

* Great musical score

* A fantastic final scene.
MINUSES:

* Low sexual intensity and creativity in some scenes.

As brand ambassador for Good Vibes, I recently had the pleasure of reviewing the “Truth or Dare” game, a simple yet intriguing card game for couples to add some extra passion in the bedroom – or living room.  The game is simple and you can start playing immediately – roll a dice, pick a card from the Truth or Dare decks and do what it tells you.  The “Truth” cards actually seem to be more compelling, and we slowly gravitated to reading, imagining and sharing more about ourselves from that deck.  How much fun can you have? An example “dare” card: “Unlucky for you, little student – it’s been a tough day at school – you’re about to receive a failing grade… Now is your chance to do everything you can to convince your teacher you deserve to pass.”  Truth cards sometimes ask to talk out similar scenarios, like describing a plot to your ideal porn movie starring you and your partner.  This sometimes leads to redundancy between decks – but who’s really complaining?  The immediate benefit is discovery – even those in long relationships will discover something new about their partners, which alone is a great reason to get the game.  New couples or friends can even play just with the “truth” deck – we encourage everyone to have this experience!  

Pluses:

* Gets you talking: Undiscovered desires and unexplored territory will be covered in a lot of the questions which can lead to pleasant surprises for new and old relationships alike.

* Fun, creative questions – some of the questions even surprised us – which is not easy to do!

* Multi Demographical – aside form the heterosexual imagery of the art on the face of the cards, couples of all sexual orientations can play without a hiccup or re-wording anything. 

Minuses:

* Redundancy: There’s lots of redundancy in the questions and dares – you’ll want to be able to pass if you feel like you answered a question or performed a very similar act prior.

* Some Silly Cards: A few of the Truths or Dares are either a little too childish, vague or silly.  Again, you can simply mutually agree to “pass” 

Overall:

* A fun, simple creative game that will get couples talking (and hopefully much more!) that deserves consideration for a great gift or for a surprise activity on a rainy day. 

It is one thing to learn to put the toilet seat down because it bothers your sweetie or to wash all the dishes instead of leaving the last two so you don’t drive your partner crazy and an entirely different thing to decide that you or your partner have to put an essential part of yourselves away in order to maintain a relationship. And, the craziest thing about these decisions is that people often make them based upon assumptions they make about their partner without ever verifying whether they are true or not.

This happens all the time around sex. For example, you say to yourself “I’m sure my partner would never want to do …. sexually and, for me to even bring it up would be so upsetting to them that our relationship probably would not survive it so I’ll just try to make myself not want that.” The problem is, when it comes to our deepest desires, it is impossible to make ourselves not want them so, we begin blaming the other person for keeping us from what we want the most. Sometimes people find those things elsewhere secretly, other times they shut down out of resentment or lose track of their own path.

What does not happen from these kinds of compromises, sexual and other, are happy, connected relationships. These kinds of compromises get in the way of true love. Instead of compromise, we invite the idea of Acceptance. To share with, listen to and accept the multiplicity of desires and parts of your yourself AND your partner and to really want them to be happy and to fulfill these desires is true love. Unlike compromise, Acceptance requires honest communication and internal work to go through all of the feelings that come up when your partner wants something that feels threatening or uncomfortable. The payoff for this communication and work is immense because it can lead to truly, deeply and uncompromisingly, satisfying love.