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Occupy + Commons: The beginnings of a beautiful relationship

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 11:59:06 GMT

The Occupy movement is beginning to discover the commons, and the result could be a rich and productive collaboration. This was the lesson that I took from a three-day conference, “Making Worlds: A Forum on the Commons,” hosted by Occupy Wall Street in Brooklyn this past weekend. Rarely have I seen so many ordinary people from diverse backgrounds embrace the commons idea with such ease and enthusiasm.

There was a certain cosmic appropriateness that this gathering was held in a church meeting hall, the Church of the Ascension in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. This is the kind of humble, out of the way setting that gave rise to the civil rights movement 50-60 years ago. Church basements virtually require us to shed our pretensions and credentials, and to get real with each other. As they say in the Occupy world, this was a “truth event” – an occasion meant to rip a hole in the fabric of mainstream culture and provoke some deep and honest reflection on the truth.

Can the commons paradigm take us to higher ground? For the 100-plus people who showed up, the forum was an occasion to consider how the commons can open up new vistas in “alternative economies, open source, education, environment, technology, labor, politics, race, gender, sexuality and more.” In typical Occupy style, the meetings were run in a fairly loose fashion; it was not always clear who was “running” the meeting because many people intervened at various times.

And yet things never got out of hand, and I cannot recall a meeting of this size that was richer, more provocative and constructive. People really listened to each other. People actively invited everyone to speak out, especially those who were more reticent. Your professional credentials were a secondary matter. And if someone got too agitated, people would use calming hand gestures to cool things down. The dialogue was an intelligent, passionate, highly sophisticated and practical dialogue of ordinary American citizens. Refreshing! Now if only such traits could somehow be engineered into our mainstream political culture and media!

Like the Occupy protests last year, this gathering did not focus on what government might do for the American people. That is considered a lost cause for now, or at least, a secondary focal point. It is clear that the market/state duopoly is so entrenched and collusive that “working within the system” will yield only piecemeal, marginal gains. As the fights on climate change, finance reform, food, energy and countless other issues have shown, the only way to really meet people’s needs and save the planet is to strive for systemic change: New types of governance and production. New opportunities for distributed activism and innovation. A sweeping aside of self-serving and reactionary institutional monopolies.

The Occupy protests found such a deep resonance among the American people because these truths are now self-evident. The problem had been that no one except a ragged group of protesters who occupied a NYC park had had the courage to speak these truths to power. Now that the 99% has found its voice, the next question is, How to move forward on this bracing vision without being coopted by The System?

From my reading of the “Making Worlds” event, the commons may play a big role in answering this question. This may take time; the group-mind will have to assess itself. But through more than 18 hours of conference-talk, I think many people came to realize that the commons can help Occupy expand from its stance of resistance and protest to one of building positive, constructive alternatives.

The meetings gave us a lot of economic analysis, commons-based theory and reports about specific enclosures. We heard from Silvia Federici on women and the commons; George Caffentzis on how the "shadow of the future" is critical to the preservation of the commons today; and James Quilligan on the economics of the commons and how "public goods" differ from "common goods". I spoke about international activism involving the commons -- from the explosion of developments in Italy and Germany to the enclosures in the Balkans and Africa to the rise of new sorts of trans-national commoners (from free culture to Wikipedians to water activists and beyond). There were also 15 or 20 reports from specific fields of activism.

The lodestar to which so many people were oriented was, How can we build an alternative economy outside of established markets and government institutions (while challenging them both as needed)?

And so we heard about the permaculture movement; the work of the Solidarity economy; an immigrant advocacy group inspired by the Zapitistas; alternative currencies; efforts to national the Fed; the movement to de-stigmatize student debt; and childrearing as a form of commoning.

All of this constitutes a big break from traditional liberalism, which still harbors the belief that conventional political parties, Congress, the courts, the presidency, government agencies, etc., are realistic crucibles for political transformation. The Occupy and commons forces know that this is not true. The legacy institutions may be forced to play a part, or be forced to adapt or get out of the way -- but the vision and struggles will be directed at a vision beyond anything legacy institutions can imagine or deliver on their own.

Conventional politics and nonprofit advocacy remain on the cool, legalistic plane of policy. The Occupy world and commoners, by contrast, assert a larger, more integrated vision of human development. They seek to blend the personal, intersubjective, moral and cultural in ways that don’t divide neatly into the pigeonholes of “economics,” “politics” and “policy.” For us, identity, spirituality, aesthetics, moral and the quality of everyday life lie at the heart of an alternative worldview. The framework of so-called “democratic capitalism” (as corrupted) simply cannot accommodate the new world struggling to be born.

Many of the familiar distinctions between “public” and “private,” and between “economic” and “social” just don’t make sense in this new world. The old categories imply a segmented, rational world driven by mechanical cause-and-effect relationships and a separation between humans and an objectified Nature (“the environment”). They imply that “the Economy” is something that exists apart from us, and that institutions and experts should govern our lives and confer social meanings.

By contrast, commoners and Occupiers are an attempt to reclaim a bottom-up, decentralized autonomy and control. They realize that the world is an interconnected whole in which humans and nature are mysteriously interconnected in a world animated by complex forces that embody a different pattern – forces such as the unconscious, the spiritual and the ecological that will likely remain inscrutable to Enlightenment categories.

At the “Making Worlds” event, I had the sense of a butterfly trying to emerge from a chrysalis. Many things are in a very early stage; many things remain unclear. Yet there is an undeniable life force struggling to escape archaic constraints and burst out on to a higher stage of self-awareness and societal organization.

I am told that Occupy Wall Street has more than 100 active working groups, and that many Occupy protesters from different have been meeting this winter to confer about the future. This suggests that autumn is not such a bad time to launch a social movement. It leads directly to the reflective interregnum of winter – a time for quietly taking stock, growing new capacities and pondering the future. I feel certain that the spring will bring forth new shoots of Occupy activism and innovation, much of it commons-oriented. Here’s hoping for a glorious reawakening.

Realtionship Advice You May Need To Hear…

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 09:38:02 GMT

Are you searching for relationship advice for yourself as your union has turned into a traumatic situation? A durable, hale and hearty relationship could be among the finest supports in your life while a failed lovelife can ruin your life completely. Good relationships develop your existence in all the facets of life thus strengthening your health, mind and the links that you are having with others. Think of the times when your relationships have not been smooth sailing. A good relationship requires love, time and commitment. It is really very easy to get into a relationship but it takes a lot to maintain the bond through your lifetime. A relationship is all about how much you care for each other. The more you give to your partner the more would be your returns. One of the most important elements of a marriage is trust that keeps you bound to your spouse. So, you need the right relationship advice to keep your married life running smoothly.

Remaining connected with each other will certainly assist you to sort most of the problems that come your way. One of the basic points in relationship advice is to have the freedom to express your views whenever and wherever you want to. You should never have the fear in your heart that your voicing your opinions against the people who are wrong can lead to conflict. You must be able to sort out the conflict devoid of embarrassment, degradation or insistence on being right.

When you get into a relationship you expect a lot from your partner and when your expectations are not fulfilled it leads to a harmful effect on the relationship. If you keep making friends it not only builds up your community links but also gives you fresh perceptions and inspiration to stick to the relationship. The basic requirement of any relationship is to have straight forward communication with each other. Relationship advice stresses on comfort in voicing suspicions, necessities and desires. This is a must for strengthening the beliefs between the members. You need to realize what your partner likes and how to make him/her comfortable with you. Though a relationship requires basic touch undesirable touching or unsuitable proposals can leave the other person feeling stressed. Relationship advice that is given can be followed in every kind of relationship. Follow relationship advice to the T to revive your flagging love life.

Key Attributes for the Successful Love Marriage

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 09:46:37 GMT

Follow these free marriage advice tips for successful love marriage and closer bond in the relationship.
Marriage is a powerful and effective relationship that connects two lives together. In today’s era most of us prefer love marriages over the conventional arranged marriages. To maintain the healthy relationship it is important to gather a list of marriage advice and properly follow them. Even the healthiest relationships sometimes need successful marriage advice to give a boost and vitality in their bond.

With our free marriage advice, evaluate yourself and your relationship and try to fix out the problem areas in your life. The love marriage doesn’t means that love will always exist in your life. After few months of marriage you will need these love marriage advice tips, as the love fades out as the fantasies came to end and routine life took over all your charm.

The healthy advice for marriage is to better analyze your character in the relationship. The secret to a long and happy marriage is hidden in the successful marriage advice and guidance, which we usually ignore to follow. Our collection of tried and true love marriage advice tips will surely guide you on the way of healthy and successful marital relationship.

The first and the most important love marriage advice tip is to stop making assumptions and lower down your expectations. In love marriages, both the partners expect too much from each other which eventually led in big fights. Another healthier and successful marriage advice is to compliment your partner. Highlighting the positive points of your partner is the best love marriage advice, rather then focusing on the criticism.

To support your partner in the good and bad times is the strong marriage advice tip, which not only adds respect towards each other, but also strengthens the trust factor in your love bond. The realization of the ups and downs of life is very important advice for marriage. The factual marriage advice is to understand that life is not always the bed of roses. For the betterment of your marriage, sometimes you will have to make unwanted compromises, but our marriage advice is don’t let these compromises overcome your happiness and closeness that you two shared with each other.

The best love marriage advice is to express your love towards your partner. Our tried marriage advice is to never miss out a single chance of saying ‘I love you’. Don’t feel shy and hesitant and follow the marriage advice to have an open relationship. Communication is the key for strong relationship and our marriage advice is to avoid keeping secrets from each other, as it will hurt the potency of your bond.
Our successful marriage advice tips will definitely play an important part to make your marital life beautiful, as the marriage is not only about romanticism and fantasy. Once you will enter in the harsh practical realities of life, our free marriage advice tips will prove to be a bright guideline for you.

Keeping My Romantic relationship: Am I Allowed To Do It? Must I Do It?

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:15:03 GMT

Aaarrghh! Which means that your romantic relationship is on the dirt, or else you have formerly cracked. You really feel terrible. Losing your friend is amongst the toughest issues we go through in life. You might find that you are going through nightmare at the moment, therefore, you are. Well, this produces in head a thing Winston Churchill reported sometime ago: If you’re planning via nightmare, keep going!

What he supposed (in my opinion) is irrespective how awful things are all presently, it’s easy to get through it and come out sleep issues. Provided that you don’t just end and quit, certainly. You may well be a lttle bit more intense for use, maybe, but you continue to be approximately intact.

Now support one minute, so we will start before you start. Preserving my romantic relationship is no doubtfulness your top rated dilemma. You will be questioning, Am I Able To take action? The correct answer is certainly, Certainly. Handful of interactions are very hopelessly misplaced. But it will take a moment to improve your balance and also a fairly interesting mind.

If you had been together with your friend for quite some time if not more, then a great shock of separating is perhaps all the harder. You might find that nieruchomosci bydgoszcz some you is cut at a distance, and these days there are an important ditch within you. In these instances, frankly, that extended to recuperate and find by yourself back together just as before, no matter whether you obtain back again together with your ex-mate you aren’t.

Your friends may drive you into escaping on top of the adult dating scene, before you are really completely ready. Avoid this strain. You may need some time to wallow in personal-bad on the sofa, positive life to be sure it truly is through. It is All right, providing it does not proceed for too much time. Now what follows is a imagined. Rather than just lying there emotion my apologies by yourself, have you thought to move your thoughts and your systems to some thing valuable?

You can consider to figure out what journeyed so really drastically wrong in your romantic relationship, and whatever you can (or really should) do in order to remedy it. And the ways to cure it in the first place, next occasion all over. These kinds of investigation could eventually geared up for reconciling together with your ex-mate, if that’s what we choose you really want.

Which raises the next significant issue. In tatuaz this type of awkward circumstances, normally the one regarded conserving my romantic relationship might be tremendous you. Step back one minute and consider for a time. For those who conserve it? Actually? No romantic relationship is ideal, could that. When the one you have is, or was, in several problems, you should determine jewel value conserving.
Did your sweet heart neglect you all the time? ‘cheat’? Punishment you? Alcoholic beverages or medications? Cash troubles? Etc. They’re critical challenges. Rather more serious, however, can be a refusal to cope with these tips, and continue to fix them. Regardless how awful the effort, some individuals just will likely not view it, or will see no reason to make the effort to solve issues.

This are often very unsatisfying to the other spouse, and result in a sensation of hopelessness and in many cases anxiety, particularly when children are included. You need to visit a married relationship professional, if possible together with your friend. Go alone, if they won’t go. It assists describe your thoughts, and choose whether or not this is a great idea to try to repair your romantic relationship.

Now you are prepared to speak significantly to your friend, and discover in places you the two payday loans move from here. You can’t simply want to reconcile just as before. To put it differently, it’s not necassary to just purchase in places you left away from, in a bad situation. Preserving my romantic relationship is the best goal, of course, however, you definitely do not want to conserve a really stressed romantic relationship or relationship. Either person ought to transform, so the partnership per se changes and will become value conserving.

You is able to transform by yourself, certainly, so start out there. Demonstrate your friend you are taking a few minutes to vary, and propose carefully what they can do to boost. Carry small, easy ways to start with, and inspire your boyfriend or girlfriend to complete exactly the same. Do not acknowledge hazy offers from a significant other or friend. This is usually a time in working order. You simply can’t pressure your sweet heart to vary.

But demonstrate that you will have to see an authentic endeavor, authentic motion, if your romantic relationship should be to get back on track. Keep at it slowly and gradually, with love and endurance, with external assist if you would like it. Before you realize it, your romantic relationship is going to be effectively on the way to being rescued.

5 Signs He Is the Right One For You

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 10:20:21 GMT

Wish as we might—and despite what romantic comedies would have you believe—there is no magic answer to finding the perfect mate. Discovering if someone is the right one for you usually takes some time. Although we may wish to act solely on instinct—which can be helpful in determining if he is the right one—it is important to give it time before reaching that final decision. While there is no set-in-stone policy for finding love, there are 5 signs you can use to determine if he is the one.

Sign #1 He Is the Right One – You Respect One Another

When it comes to figuring out if he is the right one, respect should be at the top of the list. Respect is also something that should go both ways. He should respect you and you should respect him, in turn.

You can tell he respects you when:

He is willing to compromise
He listens to your concerns and feelings
He notices when something is wrong and asks you about it
He values your opinion
He appreciates you
He is genuinely happy for you when you succeed

20 Simple Things You Can do to Revitalize Your Relationship

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 09:30:20 GMT

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

With time, people grow; sometimes they grow in different directions. The companionship in a marriage or any relationship so to say goes through phases. Beginning from a euphoric start where everything looks perfect, to a disillusioning reality when you begin to notice imperfections and weakness of your spouse or a loved one.

There is hardly a relationship which has not experienced a crisis, but there is hardly a crisis which love cannot overcome. Here are 20 simple ways which will not just nurture your relationship; they will also give you immense happiness. Because having someone to love is a reward in itself.

1. Take interest in his/her hobbies.
Even if you are not an expert in sports, wildlife photography, historic novels or whatever unique
hobby defines your partner, it surely makes a difference if you show interest. Accompanying to
an occasional match or a play can show you value the other person?s interests.

2. Make room for one another.
Ironical as it may sound, a relationship is not only about togetherness. It is also about retaining your individual identities. Be it through going out for a women?s lunch or a boy?s night, we all need to bond with our own type at some point in time. A relationship should not leave the other gasping for breath in the name of togetherness.

3. Disagree with respectful words.
Love is not tested in loved moments, but in moments of disagreements. And when they do occur, let the other win, in the name of love. In an argument, it is fair to use words to disagree, but never to disrespect. A tiff once in a while is healthy, but one must not let it become unpleasant.

4. Cook
Cooking a meal is an unfailing way to show you care. Learn to cook your partner?s favorites. Better still; once in a while indulge in cooking as a team. It could be a moment to show your gratitude for the everyday meals, and even a moment to let out your creative side. If you don?t know how to cook, there is always plenty to help in the kitchen.

5. Dress up
When people are in a courtship, they dress up for one another. Very soon, they only make effort to dress up when they have to see others. Don?t stock your finery for rarely occurring events. Wear it to show that you want to look good in the company of your spouse.

6. Connect
Today we have ever new means of connecting to one another. Use it to the fullest. Send a message when not expected. Sometimes give the old-fashioned hand-written note a chance.

7. Thank
In a relation there are innumerable things to be grateful for. It is a simple but under-estimated gesture. People often feel embarrassed to say a sincere word of gratitude. But often, your partner feels their efforts are taken for granted as there is hardly a word exchanged to convey gratitude. Say ?thank you?. Say it with flowers, or a note or something else; but be sure you find a way to do it.

8. Encourage
A lot of relationships become stifling because partners receive no encouragement from one another be it for their interests or their jobs. A word of encouragement is nourishing for the mind and yet so simple to do.

9. Make a list
Each partner should put together a list of things they?ve always wanted to see, do or try. Then the two of you can go together and experience new things and discover more about each other?s interests. And don?t confuse this with a regular ?shopping list?.

10. Listen
Give the news channel or daily soap a miss. Listen to your partner sharing how his/her day went. Listen. Listen sincerely and actively. Participate in each other?s concerns.

11. Take a walk
It is a proven fact that walking is not just an exercise for the body, it also opens up the mind. Taking a walk together in nature?s lap can breathe freshness in your relationship. You may also find your partner more open-minded as walking helps to reduce stress.

12. Take a vacation
There is nothing as rejuvenating as a short vacation for the mind and for the relationship. It is important to be away from your home and workplace to be able to see them both in a new light. The relaxation of a vacation eases out a lot of creases between two people. Go camping for a weekend somewhere, it need not be luxurious, having fun is the idea.

13. Compliment your spouse.
Never underestimate a sincere compliment. Sometimes little things can go a long way to give your significant other just the boost they need ? something that makes their day. Let the compliment not be restricted to admiring the appearance, let them be meaningful and deep.

14. Fix it together
There is always a broken window or a runny tap that needs repair. Do it together. Helping one another as a part of a team shows interdependence. It shows the other that we rely on their abilities. It makes the person feel worthy. In fixing these tiny things you could just be fixing a lot of things in your relationship effortlessly.

15. Work on yourself
The best gift you can give your partner is a ?better you? ? someone calmer, more understanding, with more flexibility. When you upgrade yourself, you upgrade the nature of your relationship. Simple and rewarding as it is.

16. Celebrate small occasions
Everyone plans for big occasions, but small occasions are what life is filled with. Have a plan for weekends, month ends, success in mid-term review of your spouse, completion of a project, completing a year at his/her hobby class, complete repayment of the car loan, buying a new oven or a refrigerator ? these are our everyday moments which matter so much to us yet we don?t consider them worthy of celebration!

17. Change your routine
Many couples experience stress in their relationship due to the monotony of everyday domestic issues and chores. Buying grocery in the evening can be a very different experience if you chose to do it in the morning after a relaxing walk. Change the pattern of your activities, do the everyday things differently.

18. Have "together" photographs around you
Having pictures of you together with your partner is a visual reinforcement of their presence and of the good times in which they were taken.

19. Connect to your spouse's parents and family
These are the people who mattered in your partner?s life before you arrived. In reality, they still do, but have occupied a back seat when a person commits time in a relation. Extend your warmth to your spouse?s family. You will get back much more than you probably know.

20. Surprise
Give a gift when not expected. Everyone loves receiving a gift and it is very satisfying to the giver as well. Keep an eye open for finding something you know your partner has been longing to receive.Even if you made the effort to combine some of these points in your unique way, from time to time, you are sure to see a positive change in the quality of your relationship.

Gay marriage bills head toward votes in New Jersey, Maryland

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 09:37:09 GMT

In New Jersey, the Assembly takes up the "Marriage Equality and Religious Exemption Act," which passed the Senate on Monday. The bill is expected to pass the Democrat-dominated lower house as well, but faces a promised veto by Gov. Chris Christie, a Republican often talked about as a possible vice presidential candidate.

In Maryland, the House of Delegates will begin debate on the "Civil Marriage Protection Act" sponsored by Gov. Martin O'Malley, a Democrat.

The bill was passed by two House committees on Tuesday, but it remains unclear if O'Malley and his allies have pulled together the 71 votes needed to clear the full House. Comparable legislation failed in the House a year ago when a number of African American Democrats joined Republicans in opposing the measure.

A procedural move in the House on Wednesday morning designed to buy more time before a final vote delayed the start of the floor debate until Thursday. "This just gives everyone a chance to have a good look at it," said Del. Shane Pendergrass, the Democrat who moved for the bill to be held for a day.

A final vote in the House could come by the end of the week. Should it pass, it will proceed to the Senate, where a bill to allow same-sex marriage passed a year ago. The action in the Maryland and New Jersey statehouses follows passage of legislation in Washington state. Gov. Christine Gregoire signed the Washington bill on Monday, but it will not take effect until at least June. Opponents are working to gather signatures for a ballot initiative in November that would block the legislation.

A federal appeals court in California earlier this month overturned that state's gay marriage ban, enacted through a 2008 ballot initiative. That sets up a possible show down in the U.S. Supreme Court over the matter.

Currently seven states and the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriages. In addition to Washington state, they are New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Iowa.

Social media can both help and hurt real-life relationships

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 12:59:00 GMT

In less than a decade, social networking has transformed how we stay in touch with friends, shop, network and gather our news. Many of the almost 1 billion users of Facebook — and the millions who use Twitter, LinkedIn or blogs — cannot imagine communicating without these tools.

The publisher Harlequin's 2012 Romance Report shows just how technology is changing the way men and women communicate with each other. The potential to enhance intimate connections is unlimited. Still, Valentine's Day is the perfect time to issue a warning: Social networking sites can open a Pandora's box of relationship destroyers — unleashing everything from affairs, the rekindling of past toxic relationships, jealousy, imaginary online relationships that replace face-to-face intimacy, and online stalking, to name just a few. Here are the most common problems that wreak havoc when real-life relationships play out on social media sites:

•Full disclosure. Anyone involved in a committed adult relationship should be willing to be public about that status on Facebook. Of course there are a few exceptions to the rule, but if your partner refuses to disclose your relationship in his or her social networking life, it's probably a red flag .

•Trust. It goes without saying that you and your partner should be friends on social media sites. If your mate doesn't let you see everything his online friends can see, you should be suspicious. If a trust issue has come up and your relationship is potentially on the line, both partners should be willing to share e-mails, Facebook and text messages to provide reassurance.

•The past. It's flattering when an old flame seeks you out online and sends notes or pictures. It's tempting to reach out to former partners, especially if your life or relationship is in a rut. But this kind of interaction will only distract, distance and potentially damage your real-life situation. Reminiscing briefly is pleasant, but that should be as far as it goes.

• Too much information. In the heat of an angry moment, it's tempting to vent online. But does the world really need to know that he forgot your birthday or she talked your head off during the big game? Be smart about what you post for public consumption. Call a friend to unload instead. Disrespecting your partner in public is never healthy for a relationship.

•It's permanent. You'd think we would have all learned by now that whatever we post, tweet or e-mail is permanently recorded — even if messages are deleted, the account is closed or the hard drive is wiped clean. None of us knows when our online activity may come under scrutiny — just ask anyone involved in a contentious divorce. Keep your online activity conflict- and drama-free.

The power to find, build and maintain a quality intimate relationship lies within you, the individual.
Make your relationship a priority and invest in making it happy and fulfilling, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day of the year.

10 ways to get the spark back in your relationship this Valentine's Day

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 09:40:36 GMT

If the thought of Valentine’s Day has left you wondering how to get the spark back into your own relationship, you’re not alone. It’s only natural that as the months and years pass, the butterflies in your stomach calm down a bit and the burning waves of passion start to cool.

But that doesn’t mean you love each other any less. In fact, it’s probably quite the opposite. “No long-term relationship will ever be like it was in the beginning,” explains relationship expert Keren Smedley of Experience Matters.

“When we first meet someone we go out on dates and make a real effort, then the relationship settles down and over time flirty phone calls get replaced with reminders to buy milk.

“Remember that it’s a fantasy that living together will be perfect. Most of us are worn down trying to juggle work and family life. We find ourselves having bland conversations rather than asking our partner how they’re really feeling.

“Big gestures at Valentine’s Day won’t make things better. Instead, simple gestures show that you care and are there for each other.”

Here, relationship counsellor Keren reveals 10 ways to help get you and your partner back on track.

1 Take time to listen

When you’ve been together for years it’s easy to start talking but not really listen to what the other person is saying. We get bored because we think we’ve heard it all before.

However, there is a solution. Keren explains: “When your partner gets home, stop what you’re doing and make him the centre of your attention. Taking 10 minutes out can be extremely hard, particularly if you’ve got children, but it will make a difference.”

2 Make him your confidant

“Women tend to confide in their friends about what’s going on in their relationship, when really they should be talking to their partners,” says Keren.

“Take the time to really talk to each other and share your anxieties and worries with your partner. Many of us avoid talking about our relationship as we run the risk of being told something we don’t want to hear.

“Realise that not talking openly and honestly with your partner stores trouble.”

3 Go out as a couple

Too many couples make the mistake of not spending time together away from other distractions, according to Keren. “Date nights are really important and they don’t have to be expensive.

“Go out for a walk together or to the pub for just a drink. And, if you only go out once a week, make sure it’s just the two of you and not with another couple.”

4 Show you care

“Over time, we get used to each other and can forget to compliment, praise or even thank our partners,” says Keren.

“We stop seeing the other person for who they really are and only as their role in the family. Think about how you would feel.

“It’s so important to show your partner that you’re still interested in him as a person.

“It’s as simple as paying a compliment that he wants to hear, or remembering to ask how an important interview went.

"At the moment many of us are anxious about our jobs. Feeling loved and cared for is the most important thing. Ask how they are, and really mean it.”

5 Try romantic gestures

Candlelit dinners aren’t just for Valentine’s Day. If you normally eat as a family, aim for regular evenings when it’s just you and your partner. This is a great opportunity to talk and it doesn’t have to be heavy or intense – it’s about giving each other time.

But Keren advises against empty gestures: “The key is to do something because you feel you want to, not because you think you should.”

6 Value your history

“When you’re in a long-term relationship, chances are you’ve got a huge history together,” says Keren. “If you have children and even grandchildren together, then you have a very special bond.” One tip Keren gives her clients trying to re-kindle their relationship is to reminisce.

“Remember something that you did together that gives you a warm glow and talk about it.”

7 Don’t rain on his parade

Don’t make the mistake of moaning when he’s doing something he enjoys.

Keren says: “It might be unintentional behaviour, but if you always walk out of the room when your partner’s favourite TV show comes on, he’ll feel like you’re putting him down.

“Make the effort to do things that are important to your partner, too. If he asks you to go with him to a colleague’s party, make the most of it and never let him feel like you’ve been dragged along.”

8 Be consistent

Giving your partner a one-off compliment isn’t enough to make them feel special. However, changing our behaviour is hard so Keren suggests taking a realistic approach.

“Instead of making three grand gestures, think of one small thing that you’re going to do regularly,” she says.

“This can be as simple as telling him to have a good time when he goes out, rather than moaning that you’re left to look after the children. When this one thing becomes automatic, take on another.”

9 Be intimate

The physical side of our relationship can often be neglected when we’re tired and busy.

“As a couple you need to feel close, so make the time to be affectionate with each other – hold hands, kiss and cuddle,” Keren says.

“Being intimate is so important. Sex makes us feel good, as does touching and holding each other.”

“And, if you are having problems in the bedroom you need to talk about them with your partner before things escalate.”

10 Express yourself

Don’t be afraid to be cross. Keren explains: “It’s important to tell someone when we’re upset with them. Often we assume that the other person knows how we’re feeling. We say that we’re fine and then start banging things around in the kitchen.”

Keren also recommends choosing your words carefully when you’re talking to your partner, so they don’t get defensive.

Saying, “I’m feeling upset about what happened…” is a better conversation opener than “I can’t believe you just did that…”, she suggests.

Successful Relationships

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 10:04:09 GMT

The success of any relationship depends entirely upon a couple's ability to weather through inevitable life transitions. Problems in a relationship can range from the relatively benign flaws in communication to serious pain and trust violations due to such acts as infidelity. Outlined below are several characteristics of successful relationships. These qualities are integral parts of a healthy relationship foundation, and if you have them in place, your chances for a strong, lasting relationship are far increased.

Friendship: Couples who have a strong friendship have staying power. They not only love each other but genuinely like each other as people and enjoy spending time together.

Communication: Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point.

Humor: Partners who can make each other laugh tend to be good at de-escalating conflicts when they do arise. Affection: Happy couples can find easy ways to say "I love you" without the words. These moments can be invaluable, especially in the throes of a chaotic lifestyle. Whether it's a hug, kiss, tussle of the hair, or sitting on laps, these acts of affection keep couples connected when life gets crazy.

Chore Sharing: Those who divide household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon are less likely to harbor resentments about what they perceive as unfair. Sexual Intimacy: Partners who have their sexual needs met feel taken care of by the other. Some couples are highly active, while others are content with far less sexual intimacy. There is no right or wrong amount of lovemaking. Negotiation and understanding, however, is needed to make sure no one feels neglected.

A Relationship Vision: Couples who have created a "relationship vision" for themselves know where they're going and where they'll be in 10, 20, or 30 years, because they've planned it together. They experience great joy out of seeing the big picture of their relationship and reaching for their goals as a team.