Additionally, remember that God gave His Son for you and delivered over His Son to suffer to the fullest extent in order to save you and make you His child.  Therefore, if the Father were to withhold anything from you that is essential to your eternal good, such withholding would be an insult to His Son.  Hence, you can rest assured that God is giving you all things truly needful for your ultimate good, not simply because He loves you, but also because He loves His Son who suffered so much for you.

We are “for us” and so is God.  But God is more intelligent and wise in His actions “for us” than we would ever be toward ourselves.  If we had full sovereignty, we would destroy ourselves (& others) in the way we went about giving ourselves everything that we thought we needed.  So let us thank God for what He gives us, and let us thank Him for what He withholds from us, knowing that His choices toward us are always best and will always redound to His greatest glory and our greatest good."  (from Milton Vincent's sermon, "What Shall We Say to These Things?", preached March 4, 2012)

And pornography strikes out against the picture of Christ and his church by disrupting the one-flesh union, leaving couples like our prehistoric ancestors, hiding from one another and from God in the darkness of shame.

And pornography rages, as Satan always does, against Incarnation (1 Jn. 4:2-3), replacing flesh-to-flesh intimacy with the illusion of fleshless intimacy."  (from Russell Moore at russellmoore.com, in his January 23, 2012 blog entitled, "Should I Marry a Man with Pornography Struggles?  My Reponse")

lest I grow discouraged in the face of what confronts me today.

Lord, help me to make much of yesterday’s victories,

cherishing them as wonders wrought by You

and as indicators of Your power to help me always.

But save me, Lord, from making too much of yesterday’s victories,

as if those victories are to my credit,

and as if yesterday’s grace makes failure impossible today.

Help me to think of today, of Your abiding presence with me,

and of Your loving resolve to make me more than a conqueror today.

Prayer, by its very nature, is coming to God, rather than running from Him.  Prayer is dependence upon God, rather than independence from Him.  Prayer is nakedness, self-disclosure, and vulnerability before God and man, rather than the nervous concealing that comes so naturally to us.  Hence, there is nothing that cuts against the grain of our fallen tendencies more than praying with our spouse.

The Genesis narrative tells us that God did not want the first husband and wife hiding from Him and from each other, so He slew an animal and clothed them both with garments fashioned from the skin of that animal.  Adorned with such attire, Adam and Eve can now approach each other with confidence. Whenever Adam looks at Eve, he sees her dressed in the atoning garb. Whenever Eve looks upon Adam, she sees him dressed in the same God-given material. From now on, whenever they look upon one another, they see not each other's sin, but the skin of the animal which God had sacrificed for them.  Even more wonderfully, Adam and Eve now can come to God and enjoy fellowship with Him.  The need to hide is removed.  They have atonement.  Their shame is covered.  They now can come freely into God's presence and enjoy full communion with Him again.  Because of God's provision, husband and wife can come together, and together they can approach God.

The slain animal prefigures Christ's atoning sacrifice; and the skin of the animal prefigures the righteousness of Christ that God Himself places upon us who are believers in Him.  A husband and wife who have atonement through Christ and who are fitly clothed with His perfect righteousness can now come together into God’s presence and pray.   A married couple thusly adorned and together before God in prayer is enjoying Eden’s greatest treasure -- the fellowship of husband and wife with God.

 “. . . the songs we sing in the night we will be lasting.  Many songs we hear our fellow-creatures singing in the streets will not do to sing by-and-by.  I guess they will sing a different kind of tune soon.  They can sing now-a-days any rollicking, drinking songs;  but they will not sing them when they come to die;  they are not exactly the songs with which to cross Jordan’s billows.  It will not do to sing one of those songs when death and you are having the last tug.  It will not do to enter heaven singing one of those unchaste, unholy sonnets.  No, but the Christian who can sing in the night will not have to leave off his song;  he may keep on and continue his melody;  he may wade through it, and keep on singing still, and land himself safe in heaven;  and when he is there, there need not be a gap in his strain, but in a nobler, sweeter strain, he may still continue singing [Christ’s] power to save.

There are a great many of you that think Christian people are a very miserable set, don’t you?  You say, ‘Let me sing my song.’  Ay, but, my dear friends, we like to sing a song that will last;  we don’t like your songs;  they are all froth, like bubbles on the breaker, and they will soon die away and be lost.  Give me a song that will last;  give me one that will not melt.  O, give me not the dreamster’s gold!  He hoards it up, and says, ‘I’m rich;” and when he waketh, his gold is gone.  But give me songs in the night, for they are songs I sing forever."

Some of us carry invisible portable lecterns with us, which we are ready to set up in a moment.  Leave them in the closet.  Instead, ask stimulating questions that will cause the [child] to examine his actions, his assumptions, his desires, and his choices.  Help him shine the light of the Word on them.  Surprise him with truth.  Let wisdom sparkle before his eyes.  Don’t give in to soliloquies or diatribes.  Engage your [child] in a stimulating conversation that doesn’t flash your authority or the right you have to tell him what to do.  Rather, talk to him in a way that lifts up truth and points out its beauty. (Paul Tripp, Age of Opportunity, 81)

Win your children for wisdom.  Be a salesman for it.  You don’t do this with nasty, inflammatory confrontations and ugly verbal power struggles.  No wisdom is imparted in these moments.  If you hit your kids with a barrage of verbal bullets, they will either run for the bunker or come out firing themselves. . . . Remember, giving wisdom is not hitting your [child] over the head with words.  It is putting a lovely garland around his neck.”  (Paul Tripp, Age of Opportunity, 77-78)

I never carried on a meaningful conversation with my dad.  In fact, the only affection I remember came when I was nine years old:  He put his arm around me for about thirty seconds while we were on our way to my stepmother’s funeral.  Besides that, the only other physical touch I experienced were the beatings I received when I disobeyed or bothered him.

My goal in our relationship was not to annoy my father.  I would walk around the house trying not to upset him.

He died when I was twelve.  I cried but also felt relief.

The impact of this relationship affected me for years, and I think a lot of those emotions transferred to my relationship with God.  For example, I tried hard not to annoy God with my sin or upset Him with my little problems.  I had no aspiration of being wanted by God;  I was just happy not to be hated or hurt by Him.

Don’t get me wrong.  Not everything about my dad was bad.  I really do thank God for him, because he taught me discipline, respect, fear, and obedience.  I also think he loved me.  But I can’t sugarcoat how my relationship with him negatively affected my view of God for many years.

Thankfully, my relationship with God took a major turn when I became a father myself.  After my oldest daughter was born, I began to see how wrong I was in my thinking about God.  For the first time I got a taste of what I believe God feels toward us.  I thought about my daughter often.  I prayed for her while she slept at night.  I showed her picture to anyone who would look.  I wanted to give her the world.

Sometimes when I come home from work, my little girl greets me by running out to the driveway and jumping into my arms before I can even get out of the car.  As you can imagine, arriving home has become one of my favorite moments of the day.

My own love and desire for my kids’ love is so strong that it opened my eyes to how much God desires and loves us.  My daughter’s expression of love for me and her desire to be with me is the most amazing thing.  Nothing compares to being truly, exuberantly wanted by your children.

Through this experience, I came to understand that my desire for my children is only a faint echo of God’s great love for me and for every person He made.  I am just an earthly, sinful father, and I love my kids so much it hurts.  How could I not trust a heavenly, perfect Father who loves me infinitely more than I will ever love my kids?

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  [Matthew 7:11]  (Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 54-55).

“I do not urge you to look within, to try & see whether this new birth is there. Instead of looking within thyself, look thou to him who hangs on yonder cross, dying the Just for the unjust, to bring us to God. Fix thou thine eyes on him, and believe in him; & when thou seest in thyself much that is evil, look away to him; and when doubts prevail, look to him; and when thy conscience tells thee of thy past sins, look to him.

I have to go through this story almost every day of the year, and sometimes half a dozen times in a day. If there is a despairing soul anywhere within twenty miles, it will find me out, no matter whether I am at home, or at Mentone (on vacation), or in any other part of the world. It will come from any distance, broken down, despairing, half insane sometimes; and I have no medicine to prescribe except “Christ, Christ, Christ; Jesus Christ and him crucified. Look away from yourselves, and trust in him.” I go over and over and over with this, and never get one jot further. Because I find that this medicine cures all soul sicknesses, while human quackery cures none. Christ alone is the one remedy for sin-sick souls. Receive him; believe on his name. We keep hammering at this. I can sympathize with Luther when he said, “I have preached justification by faith so often, and I feel sometimes that you are so slow to receive it, that I could almost take the Bible, and bang it about your heads…”

One said to me just lately, “Oh, sir, I am the biggest sinner that ever lived!” I replied, “Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners.” “But I have not any strength.” “While we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died.” “Oh! But,” he said, “I have been utterly ungodly.” “Christ died for the ungodly.” “But I am lost.” “Yes,” I said, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” “The Son of man has come to save that which was lost.” I said to this man, “You have the brush in your hand, and at every stroke it looks as if you were quoting Scripture. You seem to be making yourself out to be the very man that Christ came to save. If you were to make yourself out to be good and excellent, I should give you this word — Jesus did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. He did not die for the good, but for the bad. He gave himself for our sins; he never gave himself for our righteousness. He is a Savior. He has not come yet as a Rewarder of the righteous; that will be in his Second Advent. Now he comes as the great Forgiver of the guilty, and the only Savior of the lost. Wilt thou come to him in that way?” “Oh! But,” my friend said, “I have nothing to bring to Christ.” “No,” I said, “I know that you have not; but Christ has everything.” “Sir,” he said, “you do not know me, else you would not talk to me like this;” and I said, “No, and you do not know yourself, and you are worse than you think you are, though you think that you are bad enough in all conscience; but be you as bad as you may, Jesus Christ came on purpose to uplift from the dunghill those whom he sets among princes by his free, rich, sovereign grace.”  (C.H. Spurgeon, The Simplicity and Sublimity of Salvation)

and where he falls he lies.

A just man falls seven times,

and rises up again." 

(Octavius Winslow, No Condemnation in Christ Jesus)

"When sin becomes bitter, Christ becomes sweet, and worship becomes real." (Dave Harvey)

"Those who make rapid progress in spiritual attainments -- who grow visibly in grace, knowledge, strength, and usefulness -- will always be found to be hard workers.  They leave no stone unturned to promote their soul's well-being.  They work hard at the Bible, in private devotions, in hearing sermons . . . and they reap according to what they sow."  (J.C. Ryle)

Our server is down at the church, so I am communicating this way.  Please pass it along to others, if you think they might not be subscribed to the Man Blog.

As for this coming Sunday, Mike Berry will be preaching.  I should find out tomorrow more about his topic;  and when I do, I will pass it along to you.

Please know that you are invited to join us tomorrow at the 2^nd Day Man Forum Breakfast.  I really appreciate the men who stepped forward with the idea and the plan to pull off this breakfast.  But God has been good to us men this past year, and His goodness is worth celebrating.  Our Man Forum meets from 6:00am – 7:05am, and we would love to see you there, even if you are not able to stay the entire time.  At the 2^nd Day Man Forum, we typically read excerpts from men who have something encouraging or challenging to say to us as men and we also spend time in God’s Word together.  If you are free tomorrow morning, feel free to come!

Summer Advance:  Here are the readings for this week.  If you can read through these passages with your family, that would be great!

Mark 4:1-20

Mark 4:21-41

Mark 5:1-20

If you are a husband and/or a father, then you have an official ministry position in the church.  You are a pastor!  If there is any way we can be of service to any of you to help you in your roles or in your walk with God, please let us know!

With much appreciation!

Milton

If I sin and then call my sin good, sin wins.

If I sin and then minimize the evil of it, sin wins.

If I sin and blame others, sin wins.

If I sin and blame my circumstances, sin wins.

If I sin, and view my sin as a complete reflection of who I am, sin wins.

If I sin, and then say, "This is who I am and who I forever will be," sin wins.

But if I commit a sin, and confess it as wholly mine and no one else's,

If I flee to the cross and bathe in Christ's atoning blood,

If I see at the cross my sin condemned and myself justified,

And if I hearken to my Savior's voice which says, "You are free,"

Then, and only then, is my sin defeated.

It took me seventeen years to realize I couldn't parent on my own.  It was a not a great spiritual insight, just a realistic observation.  If I didn't pray deliberately and reflectively for members of my family by name every morning, they'd kill one another.  I was incapable of getting inside their hearts.  I was desperate.  But even more, I couldn't change my self-confident heart.  My prayer journal reflects both my inabilities to change my kids and my inability to change my self-confidence.  That's why I need grace even to pray."  (Paul Miller, A Praying Life, 59)

Week #1 (June 5-11)

rMark 1:1-20

rMark 1:21-39

rMark 1:40 - 2:12

Week #2 (June 12-18)

rMark 2:13-28

rMark 3:1-19

rMark 3:20-35

Week #3 (June 19-25)

rMark 4:1-20

rMark 4:21-41

rMark 5:1-20

Week #4 (June 26-July 2)

r Mark 5:21-43

r Mark 6:1-13

r Mark 6:14-29

Week #5 (July 3-9)

r Mark 6: 30-56

r Mark 7: 1-23

r Mark 7:24-37

Week #6 (July 10-16)

r Mark 8:1-21

r Mark 8:22-38

r Mark 9:1-29

Week #7 (July 17-23)

r Mark 9:30-50

r Mark 10:1-16

r Mark 10:17-31

Week #8 (July 24-30)

r Mark 10:32-52

r Mark 11:1-19

r Mark 11:20-33

Week #9 (July 31-August 6)

r Mark 12:1-17

r Mark 12:18-34

r Mark 12:35-44

Week #10 (August 7-13)

r Mark 13:1-23

r Mark 13:24-37

r Mark 14:1-21

Week #11 (August 14-20)

r Mark 14:22-42

r Mark 14:43-65

r Mark 14:66 - 15:21

Week #12 (August 21-27)

r Mark 15:22-41

r Mark 15:42 - 16:8

r Mark 16:9-20

The Plan:  We have broken the Gospel of Mark into 36 readings, so if you do a reading from Mark 3 times a week, then at the end of 12 weeks you will have completed the Gospel of Mark.

The Resources:  Obviously, you will need your Bible for this, but we are also making available the following resources: 

King’s Cross:  the Story of the World in the Life of Jesus, by Timothy Keller.  This is a very readable book which contains numerous meditations on various passages throughout the gospel of Mark.  This is not a verse-by-verse commentary on Mark, but is a collection of meditations on various basic Christian themes that are interwoven into Mark’s Gospel.  Timothy Keller handpicks certain stories and incidences in Mark and uses them to discuss certain themes that lie at the heart of Christianity. 

We would love to see all of our people go through this book this summer.  You will find much in this book that will edify and encourage you, and you will also find various stories and explanations which our heads of households might find worth sharing in their Family Worship time as they go through the Gospel of Mark.

Weekly Emails & Blogs.  If there are any additional ideas and suggestions or resources to help you as you read through Mark and/or as you lead your family through Mark, we will try to provide that for you through weekly emails or postings on the Cornerstone Blog & Cornerstone Man Blog.

FOR OUR MEN!  2^nd Day Man Forum.  In our 2^nd Day Man Forum times (Tuesday mornings from 6:00am – 7:05am), we will take some time each week to discuss various issues from Mark and King’s Cross that might be of help to you as you work through Mark privately and/or with your family.  The goal of the 2^nd Day Man Forum is to encourage our men in their leadership of their families, but we will be taking time to help each other out as we go through Mark’s Gospel together. 

Why do this in the summer?

1. Because there is no Sunday School during the summer quarter.  This program will provide an opportunity for us to accomplish some of what might have been accomplished during the Sunday School hour.  Think about it . . . three readings a week, praying, along with any discussions that you might have with others and especially with your family.  At the very least that’s 30 or 40 minutes of time, and probably more!

2. Because summer is the time of year when we have the most time available to do the things we “want” to do.  If you don’t have the time to read through Mark privately and/or with your family during Family Worship in the summer, then you will probably never have the time.

3. The rest of the year is often so busy, especially coming into September.  Summer is a great time to take a breath, re-evaluate, and establish some good habits that will hopefully endure through the fall, winter, and spring.

For heads of households (husbands, fathers, & single moms):  Don’t feel pressure to teach through the Gospel of Mark (although it is ok if you do).  If all you did were read the passage and the assigned readings and then pray for your family members, then you have great reason to be encouraged by what you are doing.  God can do much with a few loaves and fish, especially when those loaves and fish are being delivered by a husband, father, or single mom who is seeking to step out in faith and lead their family in the worship of God.

March 19, 1991.  “Amazing how when I don’t pray in the morning evil just floods into our home.  I absolutely must pray!  Oh, God, give me the grace to pray.” (Paul Miller, A Praying Life:  Connecting with God in a Distracting World, 58)

“Imagine your worst moment of guilt and shame, the memory that, when you let it, haunts you and threatens to hound you to the grave.  In light of that sin we sometimes imagine how God could possibly forgive.  Yet it was for that moment that Christ died for you.  At your worst, God gave you his best.  While you were still a sinner – of the worst kind – Christ died for you.  The Passover teaches us that no debt of sin is too great to be forgiven because of the precious sacrifice of Jesus pays it all.” (Mike Wilkerson, Redemption: Freed by Jesus from the Idols We Worship and the Wounds We Carry, from firstimportance.org)

Such giving of a father’s heart to a child is not a one-time event but a continual demonstration of love, patience, grace, mercy, and dedication over time.  Our children must gain from us what they most desire:  our affection, our approval, our attention, our involvement, and our time.  Generally this will require that we resist the draw of other passions.  Just as we have limited time and limited energy, we have limited love and a limited sphere of things to which we can give our hearts.  Just as many mothers must lay aside other passions and preferences to serve their husbands and children, most fathers will have to curb or set aside career ambitions, recreational pastimes that do not involve their children, and indeed much of their lives apart from their families.  This is what it takes to have the time and passion available to give our hearts to our children (and to our wives).”  (Richard Phillips, The Masculine Mandate, 96)

 Note carefully that the proverb does not say, ‘My son, give me your behavior.’  It is not difficult for us to use our authority so that our children obey us outwardly without giving us their hearts.

Neither does the proverb say, ‘My son, give me your physical presence,’ as if all that matters is placing a child in the right places at the right times.    Worship, for instance, is far more than being physically present at church on Sunday morning, although many parents content themselves with little more from their children.

This, then, is the purpose of parental discipling:  ministering to our children’s hearts so as to gain a relationship of love with them and a shared heart-bond of faith in Jesus Christ.  A father can spend years giving his child a Christian structure of church, Sunday School, Christian schooling, etc.  If he then finds himself helpless as his young-adult child embraces rebellion, what has gone wrong?  Too often the answer is that he never aimed for the child’s heart, and, not aiming for it, never gained it.”  (Richard Phillips, The Masculine Mandate, 94-95)

“Family worship that is too long makes children restless and may provoke them to wrath.”  (Joel Beeke in Family Worship)

My children tell me I am very hard to please.  I do not think I am — I think I have very good standards and they need to measure up.  I wake up in the morning and the first thing I see is what has not been done.  I see faults all over.  I am God’s agent to make them excellent.

A few years ago a friend saw my sin and encouraged me to spend a whole summer doing nothing but encouraging my children.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Every day I would look for grace in them but find faults.  I had to bite my tongue all the time.  But the fruit on their lives and our relationship was amazing.

So — as I lead my family, do they hear my criticism more than my commendation?  Do I see myself as the great and indispensable fault-finder?  As I relate to fellow-Christians, am I more aware of their sin or of their growth in sanctification?

I am learning this most crucial element of fellowship — and seeing it as the first step.  Until I see grace in others I am in no position to help them grow by pointing out their sin."  (from Mark Lauterbach at the Gospel Driven Life blog:  http://mrlauterbach.typepad.com/gospeldrivenlife)

Is it not true that the lies we believe are often connected in a web-like fashion?  For example, a man gets up in the morning and does not begin his day with conscious and prayerful expressions of gratitude and dependence upon God, apparently feeling that connecting with God is less important than something else he needed to do (lie #1).  Failing to connect with God in this way, the man is now operating according to his normal human wisdom, which makes him vulnerable to whatever lies may present themselves.  Soon thereafter, the man’s wife says something that punctures his thin skin and provokes him to anger.  He nurses the anger, feeling fully entitled to it (lie #2).  Shortly thereafter, a lustful thought suggests itself to the man, and he feels entitled to entertain that lustful thought (lie #3).  He acts on that lustful thought in some way, feeling justified in doing so (lie #4).  Then he feels guilt and thinks he has lost his gracious standing before God (lie #5).  He decides that he should not come to God right away to make things right, because God is too angry with him right now and does not want him in his presence (lie #6). 

Feeling condemnation from God, the man is in no position to give grace to anyone else in his life, especially his wife and children.  He starts rehearsing his wife’s failures in order to make himself feel better about his own failures (lie #7).  He snaps at his wife and children over the smallest provocations, obviously thinking that their provocations merit such a response in the moment (lie #8).  Typically, such behavior generates responses from his family members that are similarly angry;  and, in each instance, there are additional lies that commend themselves to the man.  Soon the man is caught in a whole web of multi-layered deceptions.  (And in the process, the devil has used him to spin a web of deception that is now entangling his wife and children.)

Indeed, the Devil rarely nails us with one lie.  It’s normally a web of lies – lies that can stretch from one day into another, with threads that can stretch through weeks, months, years, decades, and sometimes even from one generation to another.

And we think we can combat such spirals of deception with some floating gospel truth we found somewhere?  That probably won’t work.  What we need to do to read and memorize more than a truth, but entire networks of truth -- whole sections of Scripture that contain multiple gospel truths connected by words like “therefore,” “so then,” “for,” “because,” “in order that,” “so that,” etc.  If we read and work hard at memorizing Scripture like this, then we will find ourselves better equipped to respond with an overwhelming arsenal of tightly reasoned gospel truth against the lies that come against us.

If you find it hard to pray with your wife, don’t despair.  It simply means you are just like the rest of us.

In 2 Chronicles 20, we read of King Jehoshaphat praying in front of an audience which included women and children.  In his prayer he said, “Lord, …we are powerless…, neither do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”  God came through for Jehoshaphat in a big way (read the story);  and He will do the same for any man who is willing to “go public” with his weaknesses, his ignorance, and his confident dependence upon God for wisdom and strength.

Men, learn to pray with your wife; and when you pray, pray broken-man kind of prayers.  Become practiced at confessing your ignorance, your powerlessness, and your failures in front of her.  There is no better way to position yourself underneath the waterfall of God’s grace, and there is no better way to gain your wife as an ally to cheer you on in your pursuit of godly manhood.

And, finally, as you sit or kneel with your wife to pray, realize what a miraculous moment it is that you are in.  Indeed, it took a thousand miracles to get you to that exact point of prayer; and God is already smiling upon what He has wrought in you.  Of all God’s mighty acts, His bowing of your head in humble petition ranks among His greatest works.  Enjoy being His miracle!

Years ago, I asked a teenager to tell me about his relationship with his dad.   He replied, “The only time my dad is ever passionate about me is when he’s angry at me for something.”  Not surprisingly, this teenager always found ways to make his dad angry.  I suppose the young man felt that angry attention is better than no attention at all. 

Men, be a passionate celebrator of evidences of grace and beauty that you see in your wife and in your children.  People tend to grow most in areas warmed by celebration and encouragement, and your family members are no exception.  Such an atmosphere of encouragement also provides a productive environment in which the occasional necessary corrections can be delivered with maximum effect.

“To encourage someone

is to see and rejoice

in God’s grace being displayed.

To withhold encouragement despite progress—

even if it’s just a glimmer of progress—

is to rob God of glory.”

(Gary & Betsy Ricucci, Love that Lasts)

. . . . When a man cherishes a woman, he not only nurtures her but also protects her so she feels safe from verbal abuse, ridicule, and scorn—especially his own—for these are darts that pierce her tender heart.”  (Richard Phillips, The Masculine Mandate, 87)

because I was behaving poorly,

then that indicates that I thought more of my sin

than I did the righteousness of Christ displayed at the Cross.

If today I feel uncondemned by God

because I am performing a little better,

then that indicates that I think more of my own righteousness

than I do the righteousness of Jesus Christ.

‘My mother keeps a cookie jar in the kitchen, and we can help ourselves except we can’t if it’s too close to mealtime.  Only my dad can anytime.  When he comes home from the office, he helps himself, no matter if it is just before we eat.  He always slaps my mother on the behind and brags about how great she is and how good she can cook.  Then she turns around and they hug.  The way they do it, you’d think they just got married or something.  It makes me feel good.  This is what I like best about my home."  (from Staying Close, by Dennis & Barbara Rainey, 199)

“After the meal was over, an adjournment was made to the study for family worship, and it was at these seasons that my beloved’s prayers were remarkable for their tender childlikeness, their spiritual pathos, and their intense devotion.  He seemed to come as near to God as a little child to a loving father, and we were often moved to tears as he talked thus face to face with his Lord.”  (Susannah Spurgeon)

"I want the men in every place to pray."  (the Apostle Paul, 1 Timothy 2:8a)

Christ died for husband-sins and father-sins.  He died for sins we've committed that hurt those whom we are called to love most.

Let God's lavish grace be what drives your obedience to God -- not guilt, not condemnation, not Law, but grace, ridiculous grace.

“Through grace let my will respond to Thee,

knowing that power to obey is not in me,

but that Thy free love alone enables me to serve Thee.” 

(Valley of Vision, “Morning”)

Then it happened.  I got married . . . and became a blame-shifter. . . . [After getting married] I can’t tell you how many times I thought, ‘I never had these problems before.  This must be my wife’s fault.’  The truth is, I’d always been a blame-shifter—it’s just that after getting married there were so many more good opportunities to express this fault.”  (Dave Harvey, When Sinners Say ‘I Do’, 69).

“I myself could never believe in God were it not for the cross.  . . . . In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?  I have entered many Buddhist temples in different Asian countries and stood respectfully before the statue of the Buddha, his legs crossed, arms folded, eyes closed, the ghost of a smile plays round his mouth, a remote look on his face, detached from the agonies of the world.

But each time, after a while I have had to look away.  And in imagination I have turned instead to the lonely, twisted, tortured figure on the cross, nails through hands and feet, back lacerated, limbs wrenched, brow bleeding from thorn pricks, mouth dry and intolerably thirsty, plunged into God-forsaken darkness.  That is the God for me!

He laid aside His immunity to pain.  He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death.  He suffered for us.  Our sufferings become more manageable in the light of His.  There is still a question mark against human suffering, but over it we boldly stamp another mark, the cross which symbolizes divine suffering.  The cross of Christ is God’s only self-justification for such a world as ours.”  (John Stott, The Cross of Christ)

“If I ended up at the end of my life having been an astronaut, but having sacrificed my family along the way or living my life in a way that didn’t glorify God, then I would look back on it with great regret.  Having become an astronaut would not really have mattered all that much.  And finally I came to realize that what really meant the most to me was to try to live my life the way God wanted me and to try to be a good husband to Evelyn and to be a good father to my children.”   (Rick Husband, former Air Force Colonel and Space Shuttle Commander)

“[The church] has usurped the roles of fathers, and fathers have gladly relegated their duty to [the church] without a fight or affliction of conscience.  The harsh reality of our secular age is that an entire generation is without fathers who will walk beside them and teach them the Word of God.  Because fathers would not train their children, we (the modern church) have risen up to do it for them.

The practical result is that fathers are eliminated from the discipleship equation, and the church facilitates and endorses the practice.  Because man’s ways are never better than God’s, this was not an upgrade.  This practice of usurping the father’s role has instead generated an unrelenting cycle of the breakdown of fatherly leadership in the home.  But father-led discipleship is at the heart of God’s prescription for multi-generational faithfulness.  God demands fathers to be the faithful teachers of the Word of God to their children.

Church leaders did the wrong thing when they sought to close the gap that fathers were leaving.  They should have called the fathers to repentance and exhorted them to lead.  Instead, they took the children into their programs in a vain attempt to take up the slack."  (Scott Brown, in A Weed in the Church)

In this verse, God calls the man to take specific steps in the relationship as the leader.  His wife, as his helper, is called to do the same, but God presents this directive to the man:  he must ‘hold fast’ to his wife.  Older Bible versions render this as ‘cleave,’ which reminds us of sticking things together with glue.  That is a good picture of what God intends between husband and wife.  He wants us to bond to one another.

But bonding changes us.  It requires us to give things up, to live differently than we did previously.  Exactly!  God did not make man to live for himself.  God did not put Adam in the garden to be infatuated with his tools and his toys and his self-centered lifestyle.  He put Adam there to work and keep, cultivating, nurturing, and protecting that which God had entrusted to him.  And the first step for many of us in becoming men God wants us to be is to become married, so that we will leave behind our selfish ways and begin fulfilling our masculine calling through our relationship with our wives.”  (Richard Phillips, The Masculine Mandate, p. 64)

To understand the nature of biblical encouragement, however, is to get beyond this sinful tendency.  Biblical encouragement involves actively looking for areas where God is at work in your spouse’s life and drawing attention to the grace in operation there.  This brings glory to God and hope to both husband and wife.  It helps us remember that almost all spiritual change is incremental and that God is always at work to mold us more fully to the image of his Son.  The writer of the book of Hebrews considers it so important that he charges us to encourage each other (Hebrews 10:24) and daily to exhort one another (Hebrew 3:13).

To encourage someone is to see and rejoice in God’s grace being displayed.  To withhold encouragement despite progress—even if it’s just a glimmer of progress—is to rob God of glory, who is always faithfully at work to conform us to Christ (Titus 2:11-12).

Biblical encouragement recognizes that no true change, however small, can occur apart from the grace of God.  There is real power in being able to see change more from God’s perspective and therefore to rejoice at even small improvements.

So look specifically for ways to encourage your spouse, and be gracious and thankful in your receipt of encouragement.  You’ll be amazed at the way communication thrives in an atmosphere of sincere gratitude and mutual encouragement.”  (excerpted from Love that Lasts, by Gary & Betsy Ricucci, pp. 90-91)

“Why?  Jacob’s life was empty.  He never had his father’s love, he had lost his beloved mother’s love, and he certainly had no sense of God’s love and care.  Then he beheld the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and he must have said to himself, ‘If I had her, finally, something would be right in my miserable life.  If I had her, it would fix things.’  All the longings of his heart for meaning and affirmation were fixed on Rachel.

“We learn that through all of life there runs a ground note of cosmic disappointment.  You are never going to lead a wise life until you understand that.  Jacob said, ‘If I can just get Rachel, everything will be okay.’  And he goes to bed with the one he thinks is Rachel, and literally, the Hebrew says, ‘in the morning, behold, it was Leah’ (Genesis 29:25).  One commentator noted about this verse, ‘This is a miniature of our disillusionment, experienced from Eden onward.’  What does that mean?  With all due respect to this woman (from whom we have much to learn), it means that no matter what we put our hopes in, in the morning, it is always Leah, never Rachel.

“If you get married as Jacob did, putting the weight of all your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush her with your expectations.  It will then distort your life and your spouse’s life in a hundred ways.  No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs.  You are going to think you have gone to bed with Rachel, and you will get up and it will always be Leah.  This cosmic disappointment and disillusionment is there in all of life, but we especially feel it in the things upon which we most set our hopes.”  (Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods, (from chapter 2, “Love is Not All You Need,” pp. 22-47)

"But to this one I will look, to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.”  (Isaiah 66:2b)

The heart we need is a work of God. That's why we pray for it. Ezekiel 36:26, "I will give you a new heart." Jeremiah 24:7, "I will give them a heart to know Me." Let's pray, "O Lord, give me a heart for you. Give me a good and honest heart. Give me a soft and receptive heart. Give me a humble and meek heart. Give me a fruitful heart."

2. Meditate on the Word of God.

Psalm 34:8, "O taste and see that the LORD is good." On Saturday night read some delicious portion of your Bible with a view to stirring up hunger for God. This is the appetizer for Sunday morning's meal.

But what the apostle stresses here in Ephesians 5:25–33 is that husbands should be filled with the Holy Spirit, eager to exalt Jesus Christ, and therefore ready to conform their leadership to Christ's. Christ fulfilled his headship or leadership over the disciples through sacrificial service. Jesus did not cease to be the leader of the disciples when he stooped to wash their feet (John 13:13–15). And when he hung on the cross, the weakest of the weak for the sake of his bride, the church, he was no less her head. Woe to the husband who thinks that his maleness requires of him a domineering, demanding attitude toward his wife. This is not the mark of a Christ-like head but a childish bully.

Leadership means we must take the lead in reconciliation.

I don’t mean that wives should never say they are sorry.

But in the relation between Christ and his church, who took the initiative to make all things new?

Who left the comfort and security of his throne of justice to put mercy to work at Calvary?

Who came back to Peter first after three denials?

Who has returned to you again and again forgiving you and offering his fellowship afresh?

So husbands, your headship means: Go ahead. Take the lead. It does not matter if it is her fault. That didn’t stop Christ.

Who will break the icy silence first?

Who will choke out the words, “I’m sorry, I want it to be better”?

Or: “Can we talk? I’d like things to be better.”

She might beat you to it. That’s okay. But woe to you if you think that, since it’s her fault, she’s obliged to say the first reconciling word.

Headship is not easy. It is the hardest, most humbling work in the world.

Protect your family. Strive, as much as it lies within you, to make peace before the sun goes down.

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/02/17/husbands-headship-means-taking-the-lead-in-reconciliation/

Hello men,

 If you are a head of a household, then you have an official ministry leadership position in the church;  and it is our job to make sure that you are sufficiently equipped and encouraged in your role as a man before God, your wife, your children, your church, and your community.  Please pray for us, and offer us feedback, on how we can serve you better.  You have every right to expect the very best from us. 

SUNDAY SERMON.  The sermon this Sunday will be over some or all of Romans 6:8-13.  Up to this point of the chapter, Paul has told us that we are dead to sin, and he has explained the mechanics of how that is true.  In Romans 6:8-13, Paul builds upon this fact and tells us what some of the ramifications of our death to sin are.  A provisional title I have given this section is, “Since We Are Dead to Sin.”  In these verses, Paul is essentially saying, “Since we are dead to sin, here are some things we should believe . . . and things we should do . . . and not do.”  It might be a good exercise for you to go through these verses and make a list of what the practical ramifications of our death to sin are (and it’s not a bad question to ask your family if you ponder this passage together with them in family worship).

Milton Vincent