You are seeing less of me these days, whether in person or virtually. I have committed myself to the call that God has defined in my life.

Do you have a vision hiding in day-to-day busyness? Don’t we all?

Part of my commitment includes learning to write fiction. Fiction will allow me to convey life lessons that I have learned without identifying anyone.

I used to lose myself in performances; now I sit and study. I see sets, actors, and writing like never before. I plan to write screenplays, but I feel a solid novel is essential to attain the quality I am pursuing.

I know 2020 was a year of loss for many. I feel for the hurting, whether physically, emotionally, financially, relationally, or however pain may have manifested. So many people endured regular life crises like divorce, diagnoses, loss of loved ones, and depression during the pandemic—hard stuff.

For many, the forced shutdown led to a season of personal growth. 2020 was the best year of my life. Being ordered out of my routine allowed discomfort that led me to a place where I began to discover and love myself. I made healthier decisions, formed new and lost unhealthy habits. I started a new journey, 52 years into my life.

I know I’m not alone.

For many of us, the time to ponder and try things like baking bread, growing kombucha, and setting up a home gym for zoom classes, were opportunities that our previous lifestyles did not permit.

The stillness of the worldwide shut down revealed spaces in my life that were simply inaccessible at my previous pace. The speed at which I was living left me disconnected from the wonder of the world around me.

Having been in recovery for many years,

• • I have learned to live with intention.
  • I avoid things that do not serve God’s purpose for me.
  • I developed margin in my life, which comes from space.
  • I learned the value of margin on a yoga mat while I was recovering from cancer. If I elongate my spine, planting my tail bone into the mat while lifting my head’s crown, I will create space in my body. The stretching creates space and enabling oxygen to fill the lungs more effectively with the life-giving breath.

Areas of my body that would otherwise atrophy with age began to lengthen. During my cancer treatment, my height went from 5’3 to 5’4.

Setting aside time to create space required me to be intentional about making time to stretch and breathe. Before my cancer treatment, I was unaccustomed to taking time to care for my body. So many of us run our bodies ragged, requiring illness to convince us to rest. Spending a year in bed fighting stage 3 cancer taught me that incredible lesson.

COVID was a gentle reminder for me of the value of stillness. The downtime offered many opportunities for faith and thankfulness despite not knowing what tomorrow would bring.

I intentionally left The Diary of Anne Frank on the tabletop, preventing me from being tempted to complain about being quarantined, with music and internet, in my house.

Once again, something I would never have chosen reminded me of the importance of space. This time, I was not fighting a life-threatening illness. Like many people, I had to abandon the regular activities and commitments that previously dictated my days. The quarantine thrust stillness upon many. Having had so much downtime, I am now reluctant to commit to anything that will take me away from my newly embraced expansion.

To be with God, to be with ourselves, and to be with loved ones has become a significant priority in my life. COVID forced me to discover the essence of just being.

How about you? Are you incorporating “just being” in your life? Please sign up for my mailing list so I can let you know when new content is being released to refresh your soul.

Please take some time and enjoy the Bold Mercies Podcast with Heather Jonnson that I was featured on April 9, 2021. http://heatherjjonsson.com/boldmercies/

The post A Reflection of the Pandemic From a Place of Gratitude 2020 appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

I often require mindfully forgiving someone so I don’t find myself nursing a grudge. I remember when I first started connecting with old friends on Facebook and someone from elementary school friend-requested me. My first reaction was, “are you kidding me? What you said to me in the 5th grade still stings?”

When I can consciously stop to think about it, I realize that was a ten-year-old child who behaved so poorly, and after 40 years, I need to let go of that hurt. The person who friend-requested me is not the child who made fun of me.

We can have these triggers when we think about people who shaped us as children; it might be a parent, teacher, pastor, or someone we trusted, who said or did things that had lasting adverse effects. Have you ever thought, “if my parent had been more in touch with what I needed, if they had encouraged or protected me, I would have made much better life choices?” Something as simple as that can be a source of resentment unless we step back and realize how old or unqualified the offending person was at the time of the wound.

Why do we allow negative or even resentful emotions to hitchhike onto memories?

Forgiveness starts with a decision:
“I am choosing to forgive, move on or let go,” so that something that happened in the past does not bear weight or bring further discord in my life.

One of the ways we can step into forgiveness is to mentally go back to the scenario and look at it from our current perspective. Think about someone with whom you are still at odds. Can you let yourself go back in time to see where they were at that time in life? Everyone was less mature, that is a fact. No one had the wisdom that exists today. We all need consideration for forgiveness, even if forgiving requires a protective boundary from future wounds.

Forgiveness is often a difficult and painful decision. It means letting go of your right to be hurt and angry. However, not to forgive has been linked to the concept of drinking battery acid and expecting it to hurt the other person. There have been times when I have found forgiveness to be almost impossible. If that is the case in your life, I suggest you let it be a process. Start with,“I am willing to be willing to forgive.” That is not forgiveness, but it is a step in the right direction. If you are willing to be willing, that is a start.

Forgiveness is for you,
not forgiving breeds illness.

If you have received Christ’s forgiveness, you can forgive, but don’t feel guilty if it doesn’t come easily. Don’t beat yourself up for the flesh that houses your spirit. Agree that ‘I am willing to be willing,’ and direct your heart in the right direction. It is the people who say, “I am never going to forgive,” that are poisoning themselves emotionally along with those in their sphere of influence.

Consider having the intention to forgive, even if it’s not something you can do right now.

Try to imagine the age or circumstances of the wounding party. Might everyone have changed?

We all need grace, we need to give it, and we need to receive it. We need to recognize we are all sinners and not hold others to standards we cannot maintain ourselves.

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Mark 11:25

and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Matthew 6:12

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Romans 3:23

The post Forgiveness appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

He was a tech guy, like my husband, and taught all the courses I wasn’t interested in, so I mainly knew him from biking. Today as I completed my 1st mini-triathlon at 50, I thought a lot about Glempke. I thought I’d write about it, so his offspring, who may not know the impact a teacher has in the life of a child, might see the impact their loved one had on me. He is gone now, a life taken much to quickly, and from social media, I can see he left many loved ones in his path.

You never know who you are reaching or how many years it will take to set in. I’m 50 and yesterday I was still saying, “No way I can’t do it,” but today I was a finisher!

I felt so out of place when I was in the “Athletes Only” area since my comfort zone is really on a yoga mat. I’ve been trying to train all summer but the 4th of July I got a virus that knocked me out, it felt like the resurgence of Lyme’s Disease, which I had quit treating after feeling so wonderful until I felt awful. Leading up to the race, I had only been able to swim 400 yards, suffer through a spin class, and get 3 miles on the elliptical and not on the same day!

‘Well, I showed up!’ One accomplishment. Then, I made it to the 1st turn in the 750-yard swim. I knew I could get a ride back, but even though I was scarily dizzy, I pressed on. The next turn, and I was in sight of the finish. Mind you, I wasn’t out to win, but I wasn’t last, although I was in the last heat. As I thought of the people behind me, I thought of a lifetime of being last, not there at all, or quitting. One girl said she was scared and I offered to help her. I saw another riding off on a kayak. I just kept getting closer, and before I knew it, my feet were on the ground. I walked out proud of myself, but wishing some of the other people’s support system would have given me an “attagirl”. If they only knew what I had just accomplished.

Still not sure I would do more, I went through the motions of putting on my shoes and bike gear. Then I walked my bike up the first hill and mounted it. Sitting on, it felt really good. That’s when I started to think about Glempke. It was beautiful, and I had forgotten how much I love to ride a bike. I thought about all the times I’ve leaned on my front brake and gone over my handlebars, and before I could quit, I was well into the 1st half of the 16-mile ride. At one point, I wanted to cry, and I wish I had just let myself. I took a little selfie for Snapchat as my son Grady had been a massive inspiration for me to press on.

I wanted to quit. The other riders on the way back loved on me a lot. “Good job, you got this,” I guess they could tell by my lack of speed that just being there was a big deal. It was a long ride to the halfway point, but as I approached one guy said, “the 2nd half is easier.”

I was again thinking about Glempke and all the rides I took out in Western New Jersey as a lost teenager. I prayed a lot. Perhaps you know I almost lost my life to stage 3 rectal cancer eight years ago. I thought a lot about the folks who have inspired me like my friends Dana and Janna’s dad who just did seven marathons in 7 countries at 70, or something like that. My pastor’s wife, who almost died, and was in bed for a year after her 6th child, she now runs marathons for each of her children. I thought about my self-image and how athlete was not in the mix, but here I was. I thought about my husband who believes in me and pushes me, and I am hard to move.

“I don’t have to do the last leg; I can do a biathlon.” I began coaching myself. “How would it feel to complete a triathlon? How would it feel not to complete it?” I don’t run, and I was content with walking. I saw Bryan as I headed out for the last 3 miles on foot. He had completed the race. He inspired me, “You can so do this,” and so I set sail.

I thought about the novel and the memoir I am in the process of writing and realized I will bring them to the finish line too, despite all the limitations I have set on myself.

It was a long walk but beautiful. Getting to see the land that is now my home, was one of the most gratifying byproducts of the race. It is so special from afar, but you don’t get experience what I did today, from a motor vehicle. I was inspired to go for more hikes and bikes. We live 5 minutes from the race, next year we’ll ride our bikes there!

I am grateful for my biking coach some 30 years ago and the impact he left in my life that I can still recall today.

The post How A High School Coach inspired Me in My 1st Triathlon appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

For many mothers, it is a sacrifice that brings the greatest joy. When the child can, they give love back through spontaneous hugs, smiles, pictures from school, and fists full of wildflowers. A mother might think this is how it will be until the day she dies, she feels valued. In reality, the unabashed adoration usually comes to a screeching halt as the teen years approach. The person we poured so much into, begins to spread their wings. They step into the life God has called them to live; independent of their mother, as it should be.

As the child grows into adulthood, the attachment needs to sever.

It comes naturally for the child who is experiencing significant changes, but the mother hasn’t changed a thing. Often she cannot figure out what is bringing this distance. Great sorrow surfaces because she’s spent the last 13 years of her life wholly nurturing this baby, who has been loving her back so sweetly. Suddenly they want nothing to do with her outdated style of dressing, music, barbaric methods of communication, and absence of understanding what is cool. The mother may wonder,

“Wait, what is going on here; can’t you love me like you always have? What am I doing wrong, all of a sudden?”

Instead, the child is going through natural migration to their generation. It’s a new generation. Music often sounds detestable to parents and clothing styles seem inappropriate. They pick their friends and partners. As a parent, we are still in the mode of protecting and providing. Most kids, however, are ready to try the skills in life that we have given them. Our hanging on is cramping their style and causing them to reject us. When the mother is first rejected by her child, whom she has given up her entire life for, the pain can feel like scalding liquid on tender skin.

The more we fight it, the more we fight them.

In many countries, and in Jewish cultures, there is a rite of passage that the family goes through, acknowledging the inevitable transformation. However, for many North American mothers, rejection leaves us feeling baffled with a sense of failure that came seemingly out of nowhere.

My 4th and final son is almost 16. It was not that long ago that he wanted to sit next to me, share his life with me, and now, I’m lucky if I get a text. In many ways, he’s off on his own, as he should be. He’s taking the life and the sleepless nights that I poured into him and is becoming the man God designed him to be. Even though I’ve been through it before, it doesn’t make the rejection easier.

However, I have older sons now and know the pain is temporary. They show me how satisfying having independent children is. I have great satisfaction in seeing them support themselves, and in relationships, they have created. They are enhancing my life with who they have become, and the experiences they have discovered independently of me. I love the confidence they are developing as they accumulate accomplishments on their own.

Knowing the joys of adult children helps with the pain of losing the sweet connection with my last baby.

All too often, I see mothers not willing to let go of their children. Instead, they resort to fostering a relationship through guilt, financial dependence, or some method that prevents the child from leaving. Letting go of the baby you have adapted your whole life to protect and nourish is one of the hardest things a mother must do. Nonetheless, to have healthy adults, we must let go with the same diligence with which we gave our all to bring them life.

Providing unconditional love and financial support for an adult child who is not prospering in the world is one of the most unloving and irresponsible things a mother can do. It creates resentment and toxicity in addition to limiting the creative capacity of the young adult. Many mothers believe themselves to be doing the right thing for their child through their sacrificial provision. In fact, they are selfishly not letting the child go. They are protecting themselves from the pain of watching a child suffer to become an adult. Caring for adult children, as opposed to letting them experience failure and find their own foundation, is nothing short of bad parenting! In the rooms of Al-Anon this lesson is learned with the support of those who understand. Parents painfully accept that loving their children and mopping up their messes is enabling and prolongs the need for real treatment. It is excruciating to let go of your child, but there is a time when it is wrong not to.

There seems to be a phenomenon in the United States of kids (adults) living in their parent’s basement, rent-free. If the parent will pass away 1st, who will be there to care for the now-adult-child who is dependent on their deceased enabler?

My suggestion for anyone joining me in this season of heartache where the natural course of detachment is taking place, rather than unhealthily hanging on, take this new season as a gift. Go reclaim all the time, sleep and independence you gave up to bring that person into the world. Don’t feel guilty for the choices they will make, even if they are foolish. Don’t waste energy longing for what was, it is over! Be grateful for the opportunity to have been a mother, something many long for but never receive.

Go out and find yourself again.

Be ready for when your offspring show up with their own mini-vans, hoping you’ll babysit the new life they are going to nourish to independence too.

The post Nourished to Independence, When Mamas Need to Let Go appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

You mean You were listening?

If you saw my life, excluding the highlight reel on social media, you’d think something other than, “she’s got 8 kids, whom she desperately hoped and prayed would be running with perseverance the race God has set out before them.”

You might be surprised that I have spent hours of my life pleading with God for them all to be sold out for Him. In fact, the prayer for my boys and their father, before I met Bryan was, “may they love you more than I do.” So far it hasn’t exactly shaped up look like what I hoped. But this week, I got a glimpse of God’s promises and a renewed joy knowing He is listening, despite my weariness.

Substance abuse has fortified the toxic floor in my life, driving its unsteady spikes into the soles of my feet for most of my years. Substance abuse is the biggest nemesis to my peace, joy, and hope. Substance abuse and addiction have saturated my being and stolen hours of my sleep.

Nevertheless, I have begged and pleaded; but when I left my former marriage after 23 years, there was a part of me that simply believed that there are certain things in my life God will not remove.

When I met Bryan, I saw the answer to years of my prayers packaged in a person I had never even envisioned. While I had asked for specific qualities to show up my husband, God was in fact, doing something excellent that I would have to wait in faith for.

Of course, I did not know I was praying for Bryan, but there he was, the complete package of everything I had begged and pleaded God for year after year; all wrapped up in a non-substance-abusing-no-need-for-recovery-man of God.

That was stunning to discover, leaving me in awe; but what about all of our kids. Our children grew up in grossly dysfunctional, inauthentic homes, where toxicity was cloaked under the banner of Christianity. I’m sure most of them decided, ‘if this grand façade is what following Christ is all about, I’d rather wait for aliens than the return of Jesus.’

Don’t get me wrong Bryan and I both individually have cleaved to Jesus for years. However, as far as raising our children in homes where God’s grace and presence were more powerful than someone’s substance abuse, sadly that was not the case.

Six of our eight are between the ages of 20 and 25, two of them are 15. It’s an ideal time for us to see the reflection of what they grew up with, but this week I saw a glimpse of answered prayer.

I can’t get into all the details, but let’s just say there has been no more powerful source of pain in my life than the trigger of substances appearing in children. What might be common life experiences in one home, comes emotionally yoked with the baggage of my shattered dreams, and in my mind can get enormously blown out of proportion. The sad truth is I have actually had to place firm boundaries around people I would die for, after experiencing indescribable pain in a relationship I envisioned to be close and loving. The family I had prayed for years, “may they love You more than I do,” seemed to be nothing more than vapors from the desperation of my heart.

This week, however, I got a glimpse of something so unimaginable that I was suddenly reminded of God’s omniscience. Despite my accusations of Him having selective hearing and wearing earplugs as I’ve pleaded with Him for the simple and the pure.  All too often, what I have seen, has been a vague resemblance of the longing and the cries of my heart.

The glimpse was enough to sooth my deepest fear, nourish the scalded part of my being; the part where ‘impossible’ has been tattooed over the faith in God’s promises. This week’s glimpse was enough for me to realize God has been listening, and a reminder that despite not letting me chose the way, He has a plan. Though I’ve all but abandoned hope in certain areas, He has been answering all my prayers in His own sweet style.

I wish I could say I have praised Him in the storms of my life, even where substance abuse has rained shards of glass into my hope, but in all honesty, I have let disbelief trump what I know to be true. Grace is His provision, even when the faith of a mustard seed seemed impossible to produce and He’s pouring His grace over me.

What are you asking for that seems like God is overlooking? Could He be doing something greater than you could begin to ask for, as He has done for me?

The post The Glimpse, A Look at God’s Provision in the Midst of a Storm appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

Holidays are a reminder that family gatherings don’t always feel the way we think they should!

The post Disillusionment with Family appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

As a domestic abuse survivor, I always want to help others. We all know someone, or perhaps it is us, who shares space with another, who does not honor the other person’s presence or opinion. Having lived there myself, I am keenly attuned to situations when toxicity and denial are keeping the cycle of abuse spinning on a rail of hope.

With age comes wisdom and one thing I have learned is to be a source of light for people when they are ready for it, but do not go shine it in their darkness, because you feel they’d be better off in the light.

Recently God gave me a vision that helped me understand how God intends to use me. The image was of a tree; rooted deeply, standing tall and robust, withstanding all kinds of storms. The tree represented me. My branches were equally as strong and were reaching with grace and strength for birds, to come and land on.

The birds represent people in my life who are in need. Perhaps they are in domestic abuse situations, cancer, kid crisis, divorce, remarriage, stepparenting of something else that I have had the opportunity to grow through. What I saw in the vision is what I teach others regularly, as I stand firm in my foundation, I offer a perching place for others. The branches cannot bear weight that is so heavy that it breaks the branches. In turn, I can offer support only to a certain extent.  If I take on the importance of some people’s problems, I will not remain strong and healthy and there won’t be room enough for others.

Furthermore, I cannot reach down and pick up a bird that is not strong enough to fly to the branches. That bird is not ready, and I just need to wait and be available. They may choose to rest on my limbs and they may never make it there, but I can only do what I am equipped to do and I must trust God with the rest. The branches are a resting place, pointing others to Heaven. For some people Heaven feels too far away, resting on my branches and getting an idea of how God offers support is a perfect intermediary until the birds fly off on their own and a seed is planted through them for other birds to land on their tree one day.

The vision included areas of my life that I still need to work through. That image was of overturning stones where worms would become exposed. Overturning the stone represented the work I am doing to maintain my health. The worms symbolized my current struggles that pop up as I deal with my own stuff. The worms provide food for the birds on my branches as I work out the challenges I face, I actually provide for those who have been called to rest on the tree.

I have been given the gifts of compassion and transparency. I have come to a place of realizing life is too short to spend it trying to look good and make people believe I am someone I am not when being transparent is the tool God uses to reach others and draw them into His fold where I have found my own healing and strength.

I have people that I love who are very sick with addiction, emotionally abusive relationships or perhaps spiritually lost. You bet I want to go offer advice, but wisdom says if I take care of myself they will see if and when the time is right. They are in God’s hands just as I was when I was utterly floundering. He did not leave me and He will not leave them. In the meantime, I have permission to let people I love very dearly wobble weakly on the ground because my bending down and picking them up before they are ready will bring all kinds of damage, whereas staying the course of self-care is far-reaching.

The post Metaphorically Speaking appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

This is not a message to promote divorce. Divorce is excruciating. I have lived through it as a child, and have experienced I after 23 years of marriage. The expanse of the pain exceeds the confines of the marriage itself and will last for generations to come, on some level. Unless divorce is the absolute last resort, no one should ever consider it. In some situations, however, when all else has failed, God allows for a marriage to end. I believe it is in that case alone that true authenticity is expressed to better our world.

So many people are clinging to their dreams, religious rules, or the denial that consumes them. Meanwhile, inauthenticity is leading to spiritual, environmental, emotional and physical, destruction. The damage that results from living a lie manifests in all kinds of places: family relationships, churches, our bodies, the workforce and yes in many marriages.

Inauthenticity adheres to people’s lives in large part due to money. Divorce, relocating, getting a new job, etc. is expensive. Tragically the one who leaves for an authentic life faces increased wrath. It is common for one partner to exacerbate pain by hiding bills that are in the other person’s name, let policies lapse, vie for custody, and use everything in their power to hurt the one who left. This frequently includes rallying loved ones to turn against their former partner, as they portray themselves as a victim through manipulation. Often one parent will successfully turn children away from the parent who fled the façade. Many people whom I have met over the years eventually discovered they were manipulated by one parent and in some cases were never able to regain lost years after they saw the truth.

The cost of being authentic is massive.

In some circumstances, people stay in an emotional cesspool because they have faced threats and accusations that were so cleverly presented that they couldn’t begin to imagine how life would look if they were to leave. Often a choice is made to maintain a church position or to remain part of a social group of family and friends. They cannot imagine life apart from the crowd that encircles them. Not to uphold the outward image that they have exerted so much time and energy into constructing, isn’t anything they can grasp.

I speak from experience, and my situation is very similar to many other people’s. Being authentic required great faith. Faith that the God who ordained my first marriage, actually opened the door for me to move in a direction that I never imagined and in which I desperately didn’t want to go. It required faith that God would provide, not only for me but for my children and the generations of people who would be affected by the sharp division. However, if I had not taken the leap of faith, I would have continued to endorse raising a family in a house full of lies, discord, and deception under the façade of “happy Christian family.”

Not being authentic, because you are worried about how you will look as a Christian is, in fact, drinking the devil’s Kool-Aid. It will destroy you, your ministry, your family and everything you hold dear, from the inside out. In addition, it denies God the chance to shine through the extreme brokenness that we face when we abandon our plans for His.

Others can see the truth, regardless of how desperately we try to hide it. Especially children who are immersed in a home where the contrast between what is displayed to the world and what is lived, is the greatest lie. Children are keenly aware even if the disconnect is subtle. If the lies are not corrected children are likely to continue building a foundation that is being established in their home of origin. Regardless of the lies inside the family, people are still determined to follow the rules and are adamant in their refusal to be true.

Authenticity is not popular, and it will bring rejection.

I remember all too well being the ‘woman of God’ whose title was removed in many circles when I could no longer take the pain of living a lie. I learned in day one, who my true friends were and who was only there for the ‘married-to-my-first-husband’ version of me. The pain of seeing the true colors of others, after I dropped my facade, was devastating. However, it was freeing to understand the limited nature of many of my friendships. I walked away thankful that I didn’t invest any more time in people whose presence in my life was conditional.

Imagine one girl whose husband not only degrades her to her face but has an active pornography life. No doubt his sexual addiction requires increasing added risk, creating the same excitement that significantly less profanity once created. It borders on or is just plain illegal. The lack of emotional intimacy that exists in a relationship where pornography is present is well documented. However, leaving her husband would require giving up all she has. So she sells her soul for a lifestyle and family that only exists if she stays living a lie with her sick-abusive-husband.

Another girl lives a life she never wanted because she has a lot of kids. She avoids her reality by generating an exhausting social life. If she were to be true to herself, everything would come crashing down. Those friends who are there for the good times wouldn’t be there on a changed path. It is the shallow measure of a friend that I know all too well.

Many people are seemingly content living in duplicity. They seek to have their emotional or physical needs met outside of their marriage. People actually convince themselves why their infidelity is alright. They can’t get what they need and yet they are keeping their family together, and divorce is too costly. In other words, ‘I’ll do a lot of things to live Christlike, but I simply cannot be authentic in my marriage, there is no way.’

Trust me I want more than anything for marriages to work, but I also think nothing interferes with a Christian’s calling more than living a lie. I speak from experience. Many around me didn’t encourage me to live authentically, and actually abandoned me when I did. I have come to believe they are battling their own demons and façades. Perhaps focusing on the marriages of others’ marriages helps them avoid their own inauthentic ways.

When I finally sought God not what I thought God wanted, but when I actually turned to God, I was brought to the land of plenty. It took great faith to finally reach the point where I realized the wheel I had been running on for years was never going to end. I had been chasing my hope and dreams but it was nothing but an endless circle.

I was only going to discover the desires of my heart when I trusted my God and believed Him to be my all and all, come what may. He must have been so thrilled when I said, “I don’t know what is ahead of me, but I know You, and that is all I need.”

I know this is resonating to the core of many you. Some of you have a loved one you know needs to make a big change. You see the destruction but they are unable to seek what is best for their family and themselves. Love that person, but keep a boundary. It is ok to say you are not available to listen to their saga anymore. I know in my case, several loved ones put the brakes on my constant complaining when I was not willing to do anything.  That hurt but it was done in love and modeled for me self-care. It was an important step to get me to move forward into my truth.

This is a complicated topic, but it needs to be addressed. This is a quickening for someone who needs it.

Are you authentically living out your calling?

Are you clinging to your life or are you stepping out in faith and letting God direct your path?

John 8:31-32  So He said to the Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, you are truly My disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

If you need someone trustworthy to confide in I am a life coach and I wold love be a support system for whatever your goals are. A great place to start is to begin a self care journey. It is impossible to care for yourself and let someone hurt you.  Order my Soul Work Journal at CharlottesSoul.com

The post The Cost of Inauthenticity appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

Recently I was asked to pray confidentially for a friend’s loved one whose body is shutting down, (please join us in prayer). I can see the turmoil in this individual’s life watching this essential family figure decline. It is no secret there was a history of alcohol abuse in this person’s life, but the drinking ended years ago. I think of another friend’s father who was very important to me when I was young, he didn’t like doctors, and when they diagnosed him with cancer, he refused treatment and never met his grandchildren.

Caring for yourself is not limited to your physical self. As you will see in my latest Soul Work Journal, I pinpointed four key areas to pay attention to through my SEEP method which I used when I first began my journey in Self Care.

Spiritual | Environmental | Emotional | Physical

Spiritual

How are you Spiritually?

A few of the prompts in the journal are pretty basic, but often people don’t want to care deeply enough for their soul to take time to consider how they feel:

• Do I believe in God?
• Do I believe I am a value to God?
• Am I scared to grow spiritually?
• What is my next step forward?
• What is keeping me from spiritual wholeness?

Environmental

How are the Environments where you spend your life?

Sadly many people live in toxicity, avoidance, filth, excess, or in a pile of to-do’s which drain their energy and joy.

Some thoughts from my Soul Work Journal:

• What can I do to flourish in my environment?
• What am I going to do to keep my home comfortable?
• Am I walking on eggshells with anyone in my life?
• Is anyone walking on eggshells around me?
• What do I hope no one else sees?

Emotional

We all ebb and flow with our emotions and some people more than others.

Ask yourself:

• What unresolved issues need attention?
• What makes me feel terrific? Examples: exercise, community, church, etc
• What resources are available to me to nourish my soul? Examples: 12 step programs, counseling, volunteering, exercise, etc.
• Am I willing to take the next step and reach out?
• Name a friend or a relative in whom I can confide.

Physical

Our Physical bodies require care. They are the house for our soul, and we need to step up and go to uncomfortable appointments, and whatever is needed to stay in tip-top shape. If we can’t do it for ourselves, we should do it for those who love us or just as a thank you to God for life.

• What does my body need?
• How am I tending to my physical needs?
• Are there classes are groups near me that I am willing to attend?
• Who would enjoy coming along with me on my physical journey for inspiration and accountability?
• What am I going to do to make my soul and body connected?

I learned to care for myself after I suffered the effects of fighting stage 3 rectal cancer. You can read about my journey and share it with others in my book Soul Work for Cancer.

As a result of learning to care for myself, I have developed a Soul Work Jornal for others to begin their own journey to strengthen the core of their soul. Please reach out to me for your journal. charlotte@charlottessoul.com

I am a Life Coach, I have a Life Coach and I would love to be your Life Coach. We all need a space to get our thoughts out of our head and someone to hear what we want for ourselves and hold us accountable to the next right steps when we figure them out.  You can book your appointment on my website charlottessoul.com or reach out so we can set up a time to connect.

The post Self Care is Not an Option; It’s a Requirement appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.

Maybe we fear failure, rejection or death. Perhaps our fears are to disease, germs, or blood. Everybody experiences fear at one point in their life.

Research shows that we need to face our fears!

I vividly remember as a young girl having nightmares of snakes being all around me. Over the years I have struggled with camping, hiking and even walking in my yard with bare feet. You may not enjoy those things, but I do, and I have found myself doing them less and less because I have allowed my fear of snakes to grow and manifest itself adding restrictions to my life.

Dr. Jordan B Peterson, professor, a clinical psychologist and author of 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos states you do not deal with fear by making your environment safer. Protecting yourself from an irrational fear, only gives it room to grow, while you become more vulnerable.

A simple fear of meeting new people can lead to a life of captivity inside a home, or it can be addressed by breaking the fear into digestible tasks ultimately offering freedoms and opportunities for great relationships. Peterson shares examples of how breaking fears into bits and addressing the smaller pieces keeps the terrifying act of facing fear, from being overwhelming. For example, to one who is scared to meet new people, perhaps one can start by practicing shaking hands. Once that is mastered, and confidence has begun to grow the person can begin to add another goal and tackle the fear piece by piece.

“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”: FDR’s First Inaugural Address

Practically speaking I have decided I am going to intentionally come into contact with snakes. Maybe it will be at the aquarium, but eventually, it might include camping, sometime other than the dead of winter, when I know those little slimy things are all tucked in tight somewhere and won’t cross my path.

It has been proven that avoidance fuels fear. It decreases our feelings of confidence. According to Psychology Today, “Exposure to the fear is most the potent medicine known to psychology.”

Although exposure is not natural. You cannot manipulate your world from your fear by protecting yourself. What I have discovered is it is critical for all of us to accept that our comfort zone is not really a safe place, if we cannot stand up to those things we fear outside of that space.

I have been reading It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn. This book is giving me pause for thought as to why some of us have irrational fears that we really do not understand the origin of.  Wolynn highlights the latest scientific research, supporting what many have long believed: that traumatic experience can be passed down through generations. This is a fascinating read in understanding how knowledge is stored and transferred in our DNA.

 I do not have a lot of fear in my life. In fact, when asked about the fear of my cancer diagnosis can honestly say there was not any. If you have read my book Soul Work for Cancer: Living a Life Interrupted by Cancer, you are able to tell that as you join me on my journey of diagnosis and ultimate healing of stage 3 rectal cancer. I used to live a life of bondage to fears. I would hear news stories and be convinced whatever happened to someone else could and probably would happen to me. Instead, however, God replaced my panic with His presence and the peace which passes all understanding. The peace has come from some 21-years of dedicating my life to Christ and having Him prove to me over and over that when He says fear not, it a waste of my life to disregard His powerful commands.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

God has reasons for telling us not to fear. Fear can be very debilitating and can affect, among many things: our health, sleep, and ability to concentrate which can wreak havoc in all areas of our life.

Sensations of fear show up intense or weak muscles, no appetite, a racing heart, sweats, loose bowels, dizziness, physical paralysis, and a dry mouth. It can cause us to turn to substance abuse, harming ourselves physically and of course depression.

There are lots of tools for overcoming fear, here are a few.

• be aware of your fears and be specific as to what it is you are afraid of
• get curious about what thoughts generate your fear
• try Therapy
• work with a Coach (I’m a great choice)
• Prayer/Bible Reading: my go to when I face fear is Psalm 91

And when I am scared of someone who has gotten away with hurting me:

Romans 12

I found some great ideas at  Wakeupcloud.com

Join me as we face something scary every day and watch our confidence rise and our fears diminish.

I am a life coach if you are looking for accountability or someone to come alongside you in an area of growth please reach out to me, charlotte@charlottessoul.com. Feel free to ask me how I am doing with my fear of snakes. I always love to hear from you, please let me know how this touched you.

The post What to Do With Fear appeared first on Charlotte's Soul.