cheap blue guitar

Four Words You Never Want to Hear

2009-07-08T03:01:05Z

I had an MRI today. When I scheduled it, do you know what would have been nice to be told? The scan itself would take thirty minutes. THIRTY MINUTES in a BIG TUBE with LOUD NOISES and you CAN'T MOVE.

You know what else would have been nice? Having my appointment at the time it was scheduled instead of an hour and a half later. That's a long time sitting in a hospital gown watching Regis & Kelly banter about tennis and shit.

It's also a long time to people watch. Or specifically old people watch. One of the MRI/CT hostesses (whatever they are called) would walk one in, show them the changing room and give instructions: "Take off your clothes and change into a hospital gown. You may leave your underpants and socks on."

I am highly disturbed by the number of elderly people who responded, "I don't wear underpants."

*shudder*

Not, "I'm not wearing underpants," but, "I DON'T WEAR underpants."

*shudder again*

For the record, I was wearing underpants. I'll let you guess what kind.

Happy Birthday America!

2009-07-05T01:03:30Z

Now bend over and get ready for your spankings!

UPDATE: I forgot about this awesome version by Glen Phillips.

Tap, tap, tap. Is this thing on?

2009-06-29T09:07:54Z

So it's been a while. There really hasn't been much to say lately expect to whine and complain about the constant pain. The nerve pain is starting to go away but like my doctor told me, it's going to take a very long time

Very. Long. Time.

Ugh.

I was encouraged yesterday morning when I woke up and felt no pain. NONE AT ALL. Of course that quickly ended when I got out of bed and sat dawn.

Ouch!

I have a follow up with my doctor this morning and more physical therapy on Wednesday. I've been trying not to go all Valley of the Dolls with the pain medication, but some days I can't survive without it. And truth be told, it doesn't help that much.

See what I mean about the whining and complaining? I've been a real treat to be around lately.

Any who... yesterday was Kristin's 8th Annual Birthday Bowling Bonanza. I opted out of the bowling and instead took pictures. You can see them below or on Flickr.

Golden Phone

2009-06-17T02:56:12Z

I went back to work today. Well, I went back last Thursday but after two days, I was bedridden all weekend. Monday, The Greg® drove me back to the doctor for more 'roids and some reassurance that, "Yes, Brian. You will be able to sit and walk normally again."

Oy.

Today I was able to work about six hours before I had to call it quits. Me and Mr. Vicodin are now having a lovely evening washing dishes and grooving to my new fave song that I saw last week on BFF.

Awesome, right?

Warning: Gratuitous Hospital Gown Photo

2009-06-09T03:43:10Z

I was back at the doctor's today for more x-rays.

Sexy, right? I'll give you a moment to regain your composure.

This weekend, I was in so much pain I actually bawled for about 30 minutes. It was just plain awful. The on-call doctor phoned in a prescription of pain killers. In gratitude, I'm naming all my babies after him. Every. Single. One.

The pain killers didn't get rid of all the pain, just made it more tolerable. The Greg® drove me to the doctor today. (Have I mentioned how painful it is to drive? Oy.) I have a torn muscle and the inflammation is pressing on my sciatic nerve which shoots pain all down my right leg to the tip of my toes. It's like no pain I've ever felt before. Several times this weekend I wanted to recreate the last scene of Saw just to make it stop hurting.

Right now, I have more drugs in me than a Walgreens, but this combination is finally helping. As I write this I am actually sitting upright in a chair, something I haven't been able to do for more than 2 minutes without wincing since last Wednesday.

At least, until now. OUCH. Back to bed for me.

There Was a Crooked Old Man

2009-06-04T01:33:31Z

Ever feel like The Universe® is taking a never-ending super dump on you? Lately, THIS IS MY LIFE.

Ugh.

Yesterday, I woke up in horrible pain and could barely move. Work was a chore. This morning, I couldn't even get out of bed. Right now, my body looks like a boomerang. To compensate for the pain on the right side, my body is shifting to the left.

I told Curtis that I am going to be the most feeble, old man ever. He said and I quote, "You're going to be a feeble old man? The future is now!"

It's funny, because it's true.

Drunk Night Photography Is Hard, Y'all

2009-05-30T22:41:18Z

Oy! What a week! Last Friday night, I felt the familiar pang of diverticulitis. And by "pang," I mean "excruciating abdominal pain."

I ordered my prescription that night and started taking it the next day. I've taken these medications a few times. They have never made me so sick to my stomach before. I've been nauseous all week. And one leaves a horrible metallic taste in my mouth. Bleah.

I was reading the labels the other night and one says, "May be used to treat or prevent Anthrax exposure."

o_O

You know what that means, right? Hey Terrorists! BRING IT ON! Hit me with your best shot Jihad.

Again, bleah I say.

Adding to the "fun," I've been dog sitting all week. Meet George.

And Brownie.

They are very sweet, hyper animals who have convinced me to finally go on record as a Cat Person®.

Dogs. Are. Exhausting.

Srsly.

In between being sick and tackled by a pit bull mix every night, I found time to see the Chihuly exhibit one last time before it closes. This time with John. It was a lot of fun.

Photos are posted at Flickr or you can see them below.

Technical Interruption

2009-05-18T18:06:59Z

Last week, my Mac imploded. The techinical diagnosis is probably that my hard drive crashed, but I tell the story like this:

It will probably be a while before I get a replacement. Postings will probably be more sporatic than they have been lately.

Sometimes, life, the universe or whatever, just tells you it's time to take a break. I'm listening.

UPDATE: My hero Mark fixed my compy and is giving it a super upgrade to make is run much better. After the upgrade I should be able to control the weather and all small electrical appliances within a 50 mile radias. Go Mark!

Pride48

2009-05-11T02:17:32Z

Just checking in to say "hey," and post this month's banner.

I want to let you know about something the Audio Nazi®, Mr. Daniel Brewer has cooked up called Pride48.

Starting on June 26th, he and a bunch of gay podcasters from all over will be streaming 48 hours of live podcasting goodness in celebration of Pride month. Until then, he is streaming pre-recorded shows. Be sure to check it out. There's some good stuff there and more and more podcasters are signing up to be a part of it.

Unfortunately, The Female Lesbian Show has yet to commit.

Chicago!

2009-04-23T07:00:00Z

Last weekend, I visited Gayle in Chicago. It was an awesome, super fun trip full of good food, lots of beer and great friends. I got to see Matt, who moved back last year (I miss him so much) and my lovely friend Nicci whom I haven't seen for many years. Also, while there I met the one and only Matt Blender, who is just an all-around great guy.

I think I may have fallen in love with Chicago this weekend. I can definitely see myself living there. I am already planning my next visit.

Photos from my trip are on Flickr or you can see them below.

Happy Earth Day

2009-04-22T15:03:47Z

T-shirt from Threadless

Go plant a tree or something.

I bought this shirt at The Mothership® while in Chicago this weekend. It was an AWESOME weekend. I'll post pictures from my trip tomorrow.

Chickenman

2009-04-14T06:13:31Z

Saturday, I went to Homer's 4th Annual Boiled Egg Decorating and Backyard Egg Hunt," where I finally got to meet the internationally famous Henny Penny. When visiting dignitaries, it's always a good idea to present a thoughtful gift. In lieu of an Obama iPod, I presented Henny Penny with a framed embroidered chicken.

Also, to mark the occasion, I took this teensy video of her.

12 of 12 - Easter Dinner

2009-04-13T04:31:22Z

Here we go! 12 of 12 was started by Chad Darnell. Check out his blog for more info.

9:25

My neighbor's garden.

9:25

My garden.

11:07

Making Angry Black Bitch's Corn Casserole Yumminess for Easter dinner. I was told, "You know, if you walk through the door without it, you'll likely be slapped."

13:24

Kitchen timer for baking.

14:30

Corn casserole and spinach casserole. The recipe for the spinach casserole needs some work.

15:40

Festive!

15:53

Yes we can... sell Obamawares.

15:58

Deviled Eggs.

16:00

I asked Eric how much he has to do to get his hair to do that swoopy thing that doesn't move. He said, "Oh, it takes some work."

16:24

So much food!

16:25

So much sugar!

16:30

This is me with Jenn. I've been told explictly I can't call her HOTT JENN! on the blog or refer to her as a MILF, so I won't. Mo makes a cameo in this photo.

That's it. Happy Easter.

Someone Hand Me My Bullshit Umbrella

2009-04-09T16:20:40Z

You've probably seen the ad from the National Organization for Marriage proclaiming ZOMG THE STORM IS COMIN'!!!!! now that gays can get married in Iowa and Vermont.

My first thought is they all look like zombies, which kind of delights me since the organization's initials are NOM as in BRAAAAINS!!!! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.

In addition to being complete bullshit, the ad is hilarious and thus deserves a hilarious response.

Hats off to film student Brian for making this.

Unexpected Thanks

2009-04-08T14:31:30Z

The other day, I left a couple apples on the wall in the alley behind my apartment. I didn't want them but I thought maybe one of the homeless people who frequent the alley would. I noticed a few residences down, someone had left a bottle of water on the wall too.

The next morning, when I was walking to my car behind my apartment, I saw this.

There was another where the bottle of water was left too.

That's the nicest "thank you" I can imagine.