Check out my HEMI

2008-12-20T16:32:00.003-05:00

Quick Picks = Big Loser

Made my quicks real pick without any pithy commentary, which results in a 6-9 week. Well, this will be the last week for Hemi picks as week 17 betting can be for fools. I won't join them. So a merry x-mas to all and to all here's to a Packers win......

Baltimore Ravens at Dallas Cowboys -5½ - DFW - Boys have found their way and Ravens are incapable of scoring points.

New Orleans Saints at Detroit Lions +7 - DTW - My pity pick of the week, but hey the Lions keep covering and the Saints have no D.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Tennessee Titans +2½ - PIT - Starting to show, stop Lendale and CJ and Kerry Collins stinks. Steelers have best D and want to show they are really back.

San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams +5 - SFO - Rams have packed it in. They know their coach won't be back, but I guess the same is true of the 49ers. But Rams are so very bad.

Cincinnati Bengals at Cleveland Browns -3 - CLE - Battle for Ohio. But this is in the pound. Browns.

Miami Dolphins at Kansas City Chiefs +3½ - MCI - Just have this feeling. Will be cold and Chiefs roll with Thigpen.

Arizona Cardinals at New England Patriots -8 - BOS - Struggled with this one. Pats have everything to play for, Arizona really not much. Bill will continue to try and run up the score to prove to himself he is still a great coach even as the Pats miss the playoffs.

San Diego Chargers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers -3½ - TPA - Bucs needs this.

Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders +7 - IAH - Houston going to show they are the new dog in town in the South starting next year. Watch out.

New York Jets at Seattle Seahawks +3½ - EWRa - Jets need a win and will crush the Hawks.

Buffalo Bills at Denver Broncos -6½ - BUF - Come on Bills, show some damn respect for yourself.

Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings -3 - MSP - Vikings clinch here, Ryan gets frustrated as Turner can't run the ball.

Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins +5 - IAD - Skins stink, but come on. Eagles beat a bad Browns team. Still somewhat of a rivalry here and going Skins.

Carolina Panthers at New York Giants -3½ - CLT - Just have this feeling the Panthers will run and run and run and run. No one can stop Steve Smith and with weather bad, Eli will struggle and cry.

Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears -4 - GBR - Last hope to save the season. Lets get that C

2008-12-14T12:47:00.002-05:00

Keep Flying

The codes keep me rolling. A nice 10-5 record for last week, overall 92-57-1. Quick picks below

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Atlanta Falcons -5½ - ATL

Tennessee Titans at Houston Texans +3 - BNA

Washington Redskins at Cincinnati Bengals +6½ - CVG

Seattle Seahawks at St. Louis Rams +2½ - SEA

Green Bay Packers at Jacksonville Jaguars +2½ - GRB

San Francisco 49ers at Miami Dolphins -5½ - MIA

Detroit Lions at Indianapolis Colts -17 - DTW

San Diego Chargers at Kansas City Chiefs +5½ - SAN

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets -8 - BUF

Minnesota Vikings at Arizona Cardinals -3½ - PHX

Denver Broncos at Carolina Panthers -7½ - CLT

New England Patriots at Oakland Raiders +7 - OAK

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens -3 - PIT

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys -3 - EWRa

Cleveland Browns at Philadelphia Eagles -14 - CLE

2008-12-14T12:05:00.003-05:00

Good to be back in the saddle again.

And who knew! Somehow there was $10.55 left in my sportsbook.com account, I guess we could file this one under Christmas Miracles. So I decided to bet it all on a 5 team parlay which I'll call my own personal economic stimulus plan. On a completely unrelated note, nothing like starting LaDell Betts in your fantasy fooball playoff game.

GB @ JAX (+2.5)
DET @ IND (-17)
WAS (-6.5) @ CIN
TB(+3) @ ATL
SF @ MIA(-6)
SEA (-2.5) @ STL
TN (-3) @ HOU
PIT(+3) @ BAL
DEN(+7.5) @ CAR
SD(-5.5) @ KC
MIN(+3) @ AZ
NE(-7) @ OAK
NY(+3) @ DAL
CLE(+14) @ PHI

Guess I like my road teams.

2008-12-12T09:48:00.004-05:00

Oui Suck

It has been a pretty wild couple months since I quit betting on football (regularly) in favor of betting on options. I've been up and down and over and out. Ups and (mostly) downs, strikes and (mostly) gutters. I sometimes tell myself and others that even though I may be way down, I'm learning a lot. Ppphttt. It's a very unforgiving game, options. But it has been fun and it forces you to keep up with the news.

One thing I have always enjoyed after a big down market day is looking for the inevitable head-in-hands photo of the trader to accompany the article entitled "DOW plunges 350 points on higher than expected unemployment" or some such shit. Oh, Mr. Trader, you look so saaaad! Awwww. You need a big hug, don't you fella? It's OK. There, there. It wasn't your fault you lost billions of investor dollars today. Buck up, soldier!

Out of this love, a new blog was born yesterday -- Head-In-Hands. Unlike this anything-goes, wild wild west, stick-it-in-anywhere-you-want brand of blog, Head-In-Hands will be more focused to...head-in-hands related content.

Oh, and I changed my name to Trader Rick after a forgotton series of commercials I used to enjoy as a young boy. If you can remember what product Trader Rick was associated with, put it in the comments. I'll be impressed if you get it right. I don't even think Googling will help you. On to football -->

It's an exciting time to be a Detroit Lions fan. I feel like this season is the masterpiece produced by the great artist who dies just before its greatness sweeps the world and is left to take in all of the fame posthumously. And that artist is of course Matt Millen.

There is little disputing that this Lions team is the greatest 0-13 team in NFL history. Any 0-13 team can go out there and get there ass handed to them every week. The 2008 Lions, on the other hand, goes out there just about every week and makes you think they might just win. Their sublime losing drives my hungover, half-masted self out of the apartment and into an area establishment wearing my alternate edition silver jersey with the faded "C. Rogers" nameplate (I maintain that Charles Rogers - the original Lions first round wide receiver - was a solid pick. He dominated like no other college receiver I have ever seen other than maybe Calvin Johnson) to see them lose in high style. A great tragedy makes you believe in the possibility of success even though it is certain that fate will keep that from happening. That said, this week will not be one of those close Lions losses.

COLTS (-17.5) vs Lions

RAMS (even) vs SeaMen

JETS (-7) vs Bills

DOLPHINS (-6) vs 49ers

CHIEFS (+4.5) vs Chargers

Packers (-2.5) @ Jaguars

TEXANS (+3) vs Titans

BENGALS (+7) vs Redskins

Buccaneers (+3) at FALCONS

CARDINALS (even) vs Vikings

Patriots (even?) @ RAIDERS

Broncos (+7) @ PANTHERS

Steelers (+2) @ RAVENS

Giants (+3) @ COWBOYS

EAGLES (-14) vs Browns

2008-12-07T12:24:00.002-05:00

Airport Codes Lead The Way To.........................

A nice 9-4-0 week. Bringing yearly NFL mark to 82-52-1. Getting closer to my goal. Thinking maybe $1 per call, plus another $.50 for the lock of week pick, which unlike other prognosticators have to be truly special.

Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions - +10 - MSP - Was first in list and have leaning towards a nice lock of week. Though with the game not on TV and no one there, maybe the team will have no pressure. But sorry, MSP is going to rock the lions so bad, it's going to be sad.

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts -13½ - IND - Do we see the same old colts here? Or maybe CVG shows some respect? Yes and no. IND all the way. Too many points though for LOW.

Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints -3 - ATL - Hmm.....Saints play much better in domes, but that's against non-dome teams. Both play in domes, so it's Super vs. Georgia. ATL marches on to the worst to first legacy that is the NFC South

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants -7 - PHL - Just don't see EWRa focusing after all these gunshots and investigations. PHL will come to play to show they ain't dead yet.

Houston Texans at Green Bay Packers -7 - IAH - I just don't see the Pack covering this with their porous defense. I'm just hoping they win.

Cleveland Browns at Tennessee Titans -14 - CLE - When has Tennessee deserved a line like this? We know CLE's troubles, but they still (whoops, just read who is the starting QB). Switching, to BNA. Lots of points, but BNA can clinch.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Chicago Bears -6½ - ORD - So we know ORD can only beat the Lions in the NFC North and any other non-NFC North team.

New York Jets at San Francisco 49ers +4 - SFO - Mike has em playing out in gay-frisco. EWRb maybe pulls this out, but go SFO

New England Patriots at Seattle Seahawks +7 - BOS - Bill doesn't like to lose and to lose by lots of points, he takes it out on the next team. Check it out. Plus SEA is bad.

Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos -9 - MCI - Denver is Ok and knows how to win sometimes, KC is Ok and never can win. Neither play D. Should be a fun one. But still see a road C here.

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills -1½ - MIA - Stupid Bills. They decide to play their one Toronto game against the Phins, which would normally be a guaranteed W. Changing pick here, MIA all the way.

Dallas Cowboys at Pittsburgh Steelers -3½ - PIT - Sorry boys. No marion, means no C.

St. Louis Rams at Arizona Cardinals -14 - STL - Quite a line here. Rams will cover this somehow.

Washington Redskins at Baltimore Ravens -6 - IAD - Skins always seem to pull out good games against better opponents on the road. Will be virtually no scoring, but IAD maybe wins.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers -3 CLT - Home team covers here.

2008-11-30T12:44:00.002-05:00

Home stretch

Well here we are. Week 13. Fantasy regular seasons are wrappping up. The playoff picture is starting to shape up. The Lions still searching for their first victory. Ahh.

Bills (-6.5) VS 49ers
West coast teams can't play on the east coast this year, esp. at 1pm. Also, I haven't checked the weather, but I bet it will be cold in Buffalo.

Saints (+4.5) @ Bucs
I have a feeling the Saints are gonna go on a bit of a run here. I think the trip to London really messed with them. Plus they need this much more than the Bucs.

Panthers (+3) @ Pack
Pack looked bad last week.

Giants (-4) @ Redskins
Giants are too good. Even without Plaxico. How do you think this happened? Did he sit down and the gun was tucked into his belt? Did he try to put it in his belt and it went off? Was it in a holster? I'm dying to know.

Dolphins (-7) @ Rams
The Rams are very bad. Too bad the Lions don't have them on the schedule. They might actually cover.

Ravens (-7) @ Bungals
Ugh. I'm glad I don't have to watch this.

Colts (-4.5) @ Browns
This line confuses me.

Jets (-7) VS Broncos
The Bronocs aren't quite west coast, and the game is at 4 so earlier rules may not apply. But the Broncos stink.

Falcons (+6) @ Chargers
Seems like the Chargers are favored by quite a bit. not sure why.

Pats (-2) VS Steelers
Pats really need this one, and they are at home.

Radiers (-3) VS Cheifs
They say that home field is ususally worth around 3 points in the spread. Makes a lot of sense if you look at this line.

Vikings (-3) Vs Bears
The Bears have had a hard time stopping the run the last few weeks (of course except for vs the Lions). Not good with AP in town.

Jags (+3) @ Texans
A classic matchup for MNF. Good work NFL.

Last Week- 9-7-1 (includes thanksgiving)
Season- 70-57-3

2008-11-30T11:44:00.004-05:00

Picks be a Lady

Need this week. Two roughly .500 weeks in a row, with last week 6-8-1. Overall 73-48-1. Respectable, but not good enough to start up one's one 800 number. With that, going back to airport codes.......

BWI at CVG - +7 - Damn AFC North. These teams still don't like each other and even with CVG playing well at home, I see Fitzpatrick in thr ground a lot. BWI

IND at CLE - +5 - Colts are much better than these browns and with D Anderson back, Browns not much better, but this team for some reason will win the games it needs to save Romeo's job (and Braylon's). CLE

MIA at STL - +7 - Just don't see the Rams being competitive anymore. MIA

CLT at GRB - -3 - Pack is mad after being humiliated. Though Panthers will run all over them, I'm hoping for a miracle push. GRB

MSY at TPA - -4½ - Not sure why this line is so high, MSY is still solid. Take the points.

EWRa at IAD - +4 - Giants all way. EWRa

SFO at BFK - -7 - Bills keep pouring it on and those west coast teams don't fare to well in the ET time zone.

ATL at SAN - -5½ - Vegas still no respect for those Falcons. ATL

MCI at OAK -3 - Oakland starting to play better and 3 points against an awful Chiefs team should be a piece of cake. OAK

PIT at BOS -1 - Um, yeah PIT.

DEN at EWRa -8 - I know Jets are much better than Denver, but Shanny will get his boys up to the task and keep it close. Especially after being embarrassed last week. DEN

ORD at MSP -3½ - Bears can not beat a team in the NFC North outside the lions. Vikings stuff Forte and that's it. MSP

NIP at IAH - -3 - Have the Texans really arrived? I say yes they have. IAH

2008-11-27T12:21:00.002-05:00

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving all.

Titans (-11.5) @ Lions
Luckily this game is the early game. Get it out of the way. If this game was on during dinner, there would be much vomiting. My predicition: 300 yards rushing for the Titans.

Cowboys (-11.5) VS Seahawks
Ugh. Good work NFL.

Cards (+3) @ Eagles
Well, it was a good try by the NFL to have a competitive game. Who knew the Eagles would be so bad.

2008-11-23T12:56:00.002-05:00

The Fix Is In!

After last weeks debacle in Pittsburgh, the gambling community is a bit skittish to say the least. Between the penalties and that phantom forward pass, it's pretty clear the NFL wanted the Chargers to cover. The fact that there was over $100 million more bet on the Steelers than on the Chargers is the icing on the cake. Fear not, we are here to help you.

Texans (+3) @ Browns
Cleveland stinks if not on MNF.

Bills (-3) @ Chiefs
The Bills need to right the ship, luckily they get KC.

Jets (+5.5) @ Titans
This is the end of the undefeated road for the Titans

Dolphins (+2) VS PAts
I hate Bosoton fans. This pick is for spite.

49ers (+9.5) @ Cowboys
I don't think the Cowboys have put it all back together yet.

Lions (+8) VS Bucs
My fantasy team has been the anti-Lions. They were 10-0, now they are 10-1. Look out for the reverse from the Lions.

Ravens (-2) VS Eagles
Eagles have issues.

Bears (-7) @ Rams
Trent Green?!? Get Fucked!!

Vikings (+2.5) @ Jags
I pick the Vikings every week. One of these weeks it will work.

Panthers (+1) @ Falcons
Who knows with this one?

Broncos (-8.5) Vs Raiders
Shanahan still hates Al Davis. Nothing like kicking your enemy while they;re down. Right Buckeyes?

Redskins (-3) @ Seahawks
Redskins need this one. Seahawks need new players.

Giants (-3) @ Cards
Giants are too good.

Colts (+3) @ Chargers
This line doesn't make any sense. Unless the NFL is involved, that is.

Packers (+2) @ Saints
Why are the Saints favored exactly?

2008-11-23T12:12:00.002-05:00

No Title = All Glory

The glory of being unchained to anything a post season in any sport means one can really focus on real life and games we don't care too much about, which means this will be a glorius AFE year. Now if only those damn Bills can get me a C.

San Francisco 49ers at Dallas Cowboys -9½ - SFO - SF does stink, but Mike gets em mad. Prob on wrong end of this one, but screw the boys.

Philadelphia Eagles at Baltimore Ravens -1½ - BAL - If the Eagles couldn't score against the Bengals, what the heck is going to happen when they play Ray "Le"-wis.

New York Jets at Tennessee Titans -5½ - NYJ - Jets and entire AFC East is overrated, but this is lots of points.

Buffalo Bills at Kansas City Chiefs +3 - BUF - Come on Bills. Take your missed FG anger out on the Cheifs.

Minnesota Vikings at Jacksonville Jaguars -2½ - MIN - Just have a feeling MIN finally wins a tough road game.

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins +1½ - MIA - Time for Phins to shine.

Chicago Bears at St. Louis Rams +7 - STL - Bears can not stop a thing. Neither can Rams, but don't see a blow out.

Houston Texans at Cleveland Browns -3 - CLE - Browns have hit their stride.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Detroit Lions +8 - DET - Are the Lions actually improving? Can Duante ruin the oh-fer Turkey Day game. I say yes.

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos -8½ - DEN - Sorry Raiders, Broncos want to beat you down.

Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks +3 - SEA - What happens when NFC East times travel out West? Usually it's a close one.

New York Giants at Arizona Cardinals +3 - NYG - Wow. I don't get this line again.

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons -1 - CAR - CAR stomp all over that BC kid

Indianapolis Colts at San Diego Chargers -3 - IND - Somehow charges will keep it close but not cover.

Green Bay Packers at New Orleans Saints -2½ - GB - Just because.

Last Week: 8-7
Season: 67-40

2008-11-16T12:52:00.002-05:00

Snow!!

It's football weather here in the D. Of course it doesn't matter since the Lions play in a warehouse (and are at Carolina today). I just wanted to tell you how much I hate Ford Field. Everyone in the area says 'Oh, It's such a great stadium.' No it's not. Football is supposed to be played outside. Period. If they can do it in GB and Chicago, both which have worse weather than the D, why not here? The answer is simple. The Ford's know that the current streak of non-sellouts (which has meant blackouts for 3 of the last 4 Lion home games), would have started a long time ago if fans had to sit outside. They built a roof cause the team STINKS and always will stink. A retractable roof would even suffice. I went to a game last year where it was 65 and sunny outside, yet I had to go INSIDE to watch the game. I was upset. The worst part was the little sliver of sunshine that broke through one of windows and shone onto the field to taunt me. I have never been so mad at sunshine.

My picks:

Lions (+14.5) @ Carolina
Lions will not win this game, but 14 points is too many, with Carolina looking to whoever they are playing next week.

Bears (+3.5) @ Packers
The battle for the NFC North lead will come down to a field goal. One way or the other, that's a cover for me.

Giants (-7) VS Ravens
The Giants are too good for the Ravens and their rookie QB. With all of the shittalk from ray lewis, the G-men will have no mercy.

Dolphins (-10.5) VS Raiders
Once again, the Raiders are very very bad.

Eagles (-9) @ Bungals
The Eagles really need this game and can't afford to overlook the Bungals. They only way the Bungals keep games close is if they are being overlooked.

Falcons (-7) VS Broncos
The Broncos have a very very bad defense. Micheal Turner will run wild.

Texans (+8.5) @ Colts
The Colts just aren't that good.

Saints (-6) @ Chiefs
The Saints can't be that bad, can they?

Vikings (+5.5) @ Bucs
The Vikings are playing well, and All Day might have taken the next step toward greatness last week after taking the team on his back for the winning score after his 4th down fumble. At least I hope so, since he is a keeper for me in fantasy.

Cards (-3) @ Seahawks
The seahawks are bad, the Cards are decent. If this was any team other than the Cards that were playing this well, the line would be at least 6.

49ers (-7) VS Rams
I hear Mike Singletary has a hairy ass. Respect.

Titans (-3) @ Jags
Still no believers in the Titans in gambling land. They are 8-1 ATS.

Steelers (-5) VS Chargers
The chargers just don't have it this year.

Redskins (+2) VS Cowboys
Tony Romo's wittle fingwer is better. I'm not convinced the Cowboys are.

Bills (-5) VS Browns
The Bills will be pumped for their first home MNF game in living memory.

Last Week- 11-3 (actually 2 weeks ago)
Season- 54-42-2

2008-11-16T11:52:00.000-05:00

On a MastRo-"ll'

Wins pile up for me, losses for the Blue. Guess Martin et. al. looking a little silly. RR could be the worst coach we have ever had. Inability to adapt his schemes to our players, inability to coach less turnovers, and a bend and usually break defense. To blame Lloyd, is a disgrace. Anyway, back to the pros for a little happiness:

Detroit Lions at Carolina Panthers -14 - It's really tough to follow the Lions in SE Michigan. Really not sure what happened last week, but they did got killed at home. Though bad teams play better on the road, but Panthers are good. This is not close. CAR

Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons -6½ - Just have a feeling DEN going to keep this close. I think I could be very wrong, but DEN.

Houston Texans at Indianapolis Colts -8 - Texans starting to lose steam. A young team gets bowled over a redugent Colts team. IND

Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins -10 - Sorry raiders. Phins have something to prove with the
Jets win over the Pats. The AFC East is anyone's game. MIA

Minnesota Vikings at Tampa Bay Buccaneers -4½ - Going with Buccs. TB

New Orleans Saints at Kansas City Chiefs +5½ - Going with upset here. KC been keeping close and both defenses are awful.

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers -3½ - GB. First nice cold game. Grant running better.

Philadelphia Eagles at Cincinnati Bengals +9 - Fitzpatrick has found his way, though Eagles D will disrupt big-time. Very tough to call this one, but PHI.

Baltimore Ravens at New York Giants -7 - Really? Only 7? NYG

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers -7 - SF. No S Jackson spells doom and Singletary has them believing.

Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks +3 - I see Cardinals flopping here. SEA

San Diego Chargers at Pittsburgh Steelers -5 - SD is not bad.

Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars +3 - Wow, another low line. I must be missing something. TEN.

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins +1½ - This is a toughy. DAL has pay-back in their mind.

Cleveland Browns at Buffalo Bills -5 - Come on BUF. Snap out of it.

No locks, but strong leans with the NYG and IND.

2008-11-15T18:18:00.003-05:00

No Comprende

One thing I don't understand at all is how Mexican soccer telecasts do not have the score printed constantly on the screen during the game, yet display the team abbreviations, the half the game is in, and the minutes played along with the network symbol. I am currently watching Monterrey vs UNAM (United Nations of American Mexico). In the top left of my screen it says T (for Telemundo) MON PUM (I think UNAM nickname is Pumas) and below it says 1T (1st half) and the minutes played in the half. The score is 2-0 Monterrey but there is no way of knowing this from the screen. If you're reading this and you understand why the score is extraneous information, explain in the comments.
I should point out that I understand very little Spanish. What I do know I have mostly learned from playing and watching soccer with Spanish speakers. Mano = hand. Chievas=goats. Punta=pussy. Panday-ho=something really bad. The "bollocks" of Spanish. I suppose I should be listening to music as this is kind of like an illiterate person moving his eyes over the words in captions next to the photos in a nudie magazine. Or maybe I should just watch something in English, like football. Speaking of which...

Broncos +230 @ Falcons
Who needs running backs when you have a tightfaced coach?

Dolphins -10 vs. Raiders
I think the Raiders might suck this year.

Ravens +7 @ Giants
Ravens are a "hit-you-in-the-bitch" type team. Brandon Jacobs is going to show up in tight pants.

Texans + 8 @ Colts
What a fucking generic name "Texans" is. BOR-ING! Whoever named the Texans probably has a race horse named "Race Horse".

Titans -3 @ Jaguars
They have to win so that the Oh-Oh Thanksgiving game can happen.

Packers -3.5 vs Bears
Rivalry game. The Lions don't have a rival foe, just the rivalry between hatred and sadness inside every fan.

Eagles -9 @ Bengals
You might think these teams have nothing to do with each other, but one ends in "gles" and the other "gals". Natural rivalry.

Chiefs +200 vs Saints
When a line looks boring, take the moneyline!

Panthers -14 vs Lions
Finally, double digit losses! With this loss I will clinch my bet made before the start of the season that the Lions would win 6 games or fewer.

Vikings +175 @ Buccaneers
Vikings are like Buccaneers but more old school and more heterosexually challenged.

Cardinals -3 @ Seahawks
Beak-on-beak action

Steelers -5 vs Chargers
A good game to bet a lot of money on.

Redskins +1.5 vs Cowboys
Lots of Cowboys fans in DC. Why? They hate their fathers, who deserted their families.

Bills -5 vs Browns
Why are the Browns in prime time so often? Oh yeah, BQ's starting now...

2008-11-11T01:33:00.001-05:00

MastroV Back on Game

A nice 9-4 week. High Lifers only 3-2 though. Time to broaden the number of picks in that s#$%^. Anyway, anyone know how to get a 1-800 number set-up? Time to post my picks for the public as we all know if we were to take this on our own dime, they would all be losers. Piece.

2008-11-09T12:51:00.003-05:00

Went out on Limbs and Fell

Like the Brewers scraping the barrell for coaches, last week I went long and ended up only 6-8. Respectable, but not the MastroV experience one would expect. Brings year record to 50-29-0, which is still respecatble. And here's to the Lions for being blacked out and I get to watch the Pack at home.....

Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots -3½ - BUF - Got to keep riding them. Marshawn getting no respect and this is their year to put it on the Pats.

Tennessee Titans at Chicago Bears +3 - Hmm....Trappy game here. But TEN runs all over Chicago and Sexy-Rexy only looks sexy off the field, not throwing it. TEN

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons -1½ - Falconies. Saints can't stop a baby carriage rolling up hill.

Seattle Seahawks at Miami Dolphins -7½ - Wow, this is one line I never would have expected at the start of the season. Parcells have them alive and poor seattle had maybe the longest flight capable in the continental US. MIA

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings -2½ - Go with the Pack. Their ATS when the dog has to be nearly perfect this year.

St. Louis Rams at New York Jets -9½ - Which rams will we see? My guess is the bad one, but I just can't pick EWRb. STL it is.

Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans -2½ - Texans home favorite against a decent BAL team that keeps surprising. I just don't see Houston winning. BAL

Jacksonville Jaguars at Detroit Lions +6 - JAX is very upset. JAX. Lock of the week.

Carolina Panthers at Oakland Raiders +9½ - OAK hasn't played well in a few weeks. Think they pick it up here just a little. Nah, that's stupid. They were shut-out last week. CAR it is.

Indianapolis Colts at Pittsburgh Steelers -3½ - Don't understand the line. PIT.

Kansas City Chiefs at San Diego Chargers -14½ - KC just isn't that bad. KC

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles -3 - Got to take the points, just have to. NYG

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals -9½ - Zona can blow them out, but Monday night Frank and gang will get pumped up by Singletary. SF.

That's what she said and it's on.

2008-11-09T11:41:00.002-05:00

Jaguars (-6.5) at LIONS
Those Lions will take a much needed break from all this staying close in games business and will brace themselves for a big thumping at the hands of their crazy cat cousins.

Titans (-3) at BEARS
Hope. Progress. Change. Rex Grossman. Loss.

Bills (+3.5) at PATRIOTS
I'll take the team with the sweet grill having running back.

Saints (+1.5) at FALCONS
No Fucking Clue (NFC) game of the week

Rams (+9) at JETS
Because 9 is a big number

DOLPHINS (-7.5) vs Seahawks
Sea Men + Blow Holes = POWER SWALLOW

VIKINGS (-2.5) vs Packers
This is a tough one, like picking between ice fishing and snowmobiling on a nice 5 degree day. I'll take Vikings and hopefully Rogers will continue the tradition of crying all the way back to Green Bay after losing to the Vikings made famous by BF.

RAIDERS (+9.5) vs Panthers
Raiders have good chemistry and heart and loud nerdy fans

Chiefs (+14.5) at CHARGERS
Chargers too prone to big fuckups to take giving over 2 tds

STEELERS (-4) vs Colts
So easy.

EAGLES (-3) vs Giants
Get your watchin' pants on for this one.

TEXANS (-1.5) vs Ravens
Throw out the records for this game because each team should have been 0-0 when this game was supposed to have been played. Texans have Andre the Johnson.

CARDINALS (-9.5) vs 49ers
Cardinals give me hope.

2008-11-03T21:42:00.002-05:00

HEMILection Special

Man, am I drunk. You heard about the "Redskins Rule"? From espn.com:

According to Steve Hirdt of the Elias Sports Bureau, who coined the term "Redskins Rule" in 2000, the following bromide has held true for the past 17 presidential elections: If the Redskins win their last home game prior to Election Day, the party that won the popular vote in the previous election wins the White House; if the Redskins lose, the party that lost the popular vote in the previous election wins.

Arnie and I, when we bet on the same outcome, always lose. So tomorrow, when Obama teabags the shit out of McCain, you can thank us for betting on the Redskins to win. So anyway, who here's cock's hard? This is my first season following It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Wonderful program. So I was watching the episode where they found a glory hole in their bathroom and decided the next day that I would be a glory hole for Halloween. I had no idea how I would do that, but held it in my mind until Halloween after work, when it was finally time to take action.
Step 1. Acquire cardboard.
Step 2. Acquire duct tape.
Step 3. Strap it on.
Result:

I brought a Sharpie out and the interaction was a great success! Did I stick my cock through the glory hole? No, but I had a pretend cock to put through.

I fucked up and forgot to get my picks in, but in place of that I give you predictions in the battleground states...

Democrats (-1250) @ Colorado
Xtreme sports bros will vote for Obama because everyone needs health care, even unemployed mountain climbers with bunk broken boooooones

Democrats (-400) @ Florida
thegreatschlep.com

Republicans (-303) @ Georgia
It's fucking Georgia for Christ sake, don't expect too much.

Republicans (-152) @ Indiana
I went to HS in Indiana and nothing would surprise or please me more than Indiana going blue, but it's so crazy sounding to me that I have to give this one to the reds.

Democrats (-152) @ Mizzou
Don't underestimate the importance of this. We're talking about 11 electoral votes here, and I see it going to Obama.

Republicans (-278) @ Montana
Take the 3 fucking electoral votes, DYING PARTY!

Democrats (-455) @ Ohio
Because the black people in Ohio will vote this time

Democrats (-227) @ North Carolina
Because of the strong Obama ground game

Democrats (-1250) @ Virginia
I called Virginians on Sunday. All who answered the phone were voting for Obama

2008-11-02T12:12:00.002-05:00

No Time

No time to discuss my horrific performance from last week. Might have dropped me under .500 for the year. Anyway, no comments, no wit, here are the picks.

Vikings (-5) VS Texans

Bungals (+7) VS Jags

Bucs (-9.5) @ Chiefs

Browns (-2.5) VS Ravens

Bills (-5) VS Jets

Cards (-3) @ Rams

Lions (+12.5) @ Bears

Pack (+3.5) @ Titans

Dolphins (+4.5) @ Broncos

Falcons (-3) @ Raiders

Giants (-8.5) Vs Cowboys

Eagles (-7) @ Sea hawks

Pats (+6.5) @ Colts

Steelers (+2) @ Redskins

2008-11-02T11:56:00.004-05:00

Suck It and Bet with the Mastro-V

Have only posted less than 50% of the time, but check out these records:

Week 7 - 10-3-0
Week 6 - 10-4-0
Week 3 - 10-3-0

Throw in my High Lifers for those non-Hemi picks and I'm 44-21-0. So, time to provide the wisdom to make y'all some money (and me none of it, because doing it yourself invalidates everything).......(Going full length text, can't keep conservative...)

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns - -2½ - Ouchie momma. Me no likely this one. AFC North-crap-er. Guess I'll go Browns.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Kansas City Chiefs - +9½ - Chiefs are bad, but they like to play well at home and this is a done. Awful Chief, I'm sure would agree.

New York Jets at Buffalo Bills - -5 - Bills keep rolling. Brett still is from the south and throws INTs away.

Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams - +3 - Kurt Warner homecoming, Dick Vermeil ceremony, the whole fucking place going to be crying about something, which is also the level of play. Rams at home continue their winning ways.

Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears - -12½ - Lions bad yes, but now that Millen is gone you can see everyone trying a little bit harder. No one to blame this disastor on. Go Lioooooonssss!

Houston Texans at Minnesota Vikings - -5½ - Continue lack of respect for the Houstons of Texas.

Green Bay Packers at Tennessee Titans - -3½ - My heart just isn't in this one. In High Lifers I'll keep the pack, but for those that like money, I say stay away. That half point will be brutal. But Pack it is.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Cincinnati Bengals - +7½ - Bengals keep losing badly.

Miami Dolphins at Denver Broncos -4½ - Toughy. Broncos pull off miracle and win. But Miami is starting to believe...But never mind. Broncos roll.

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants - -8½ - Boys in a funk, but come on. 8.5.

Philadelphia Eagles at Seattle Seahawks +6½ - Who do I hate more? Holmgren or Reid? I say Holmgren. Thrash them.

Atlanta Falcons at Oakland Raiders - +3 -Ok, got to run, quick picks. Atlanta

New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts -6½ - Pats

Pittsburgh Steelers at Washington Redskins -2 - Skins

2008-10-26T11:51:00.003-05:00

Post your record

A note to the other contributors...Post your records. How are our readers supposed to decide whose advice to follow if they don't know our records. Anyway. Deposit made in the Beekeeper's commode. On to the picks.

Ravens (-8.5) VS Oakland
Raiders re not a good team on at home. They are worse on the road, especially playing a 1pm game.

Saints (+3) VS Chargers
The chargers have the worst pass D in the league and are almost 10000 miles from home. The Saints have Brew Brees.

Jets (-14) VS Chiefs
Can you imagine being 14 point dogs to the Jets? Poor KC.

Bills (+1) @ Dolphins
Buffalo gets no respect. I'll give it to them.

Bucs (+1.5) @ Cowboys
For all the shit that has been talked about the 'Boys, they are still favorites. The curse ofRoy Williams continues. Which one, I have no idea.

Eagles (-9.5) VS Falcons
I would not throw any of my money on this game. 9.5 seems like a lot, but i still went with the Eagles. Who knows?

Pats (-9) VS Rams
Rams fans are happy that their team is no longer compared to the Lions.

Carolina (-5.5) VS Cardinals
I dunno.

Redskins (-7.5) @ Lions
Why only 7.5? I have no idea.

Jags (-7) VS Browns
Kellen Winslow's nuts are full of pus. That sucks.

Giants (+3) @ Steelers
Going with the champs. Esp with Santonio Holmes' reefer issues.

49ers (-5.5) VS Seahawks
Can you believe Seneca Wallace is a starting QB in the NFL? I can't.

Bungals (+9) @ Texans
Here is the Bungals first win. The Texans aren't the kind of team that can beat the Lions and Bungals in back-to-back weeks.

Titans (-4) VS Colts
The Titans always play the Colts tough. Now they are the better team.

Last Week: 7-6-1
Season: 37-31-2

2008-10-26T11:36:00.002-05:00

I myself have to skip the pithy commentary and cut right to the chase, in fact after the Dr. gets off the can, he's gonna need this computer.

Raiders @ Raiders -7
Saints + 3 vs Chargers
Chiefs @ Jets -14
Bills -1.5 @ Dolphins
CBoyz vs Bucs +1.5
Eagles vs Falcons +9
Rams @ Pats -7.5
Cards +4 @ Panthers
Lions vs Redskins -7.5
Browns +7 @ Jags
Steelers -3 vs Giants
49ers vs Seamen +5.5
Bengals +9 @ Texans
Colts +4 @ Titans

2008-10-24T13:59:00.003-05:00

Forcing Focus on Football

I'm having trouble focusing on football. My teams stink - both in reality and fantasy. Bigtime action in the non-sporting markets. Girls have pussies and breasts. Uncooked bacon needs to be cooked and eaten.

But I did manage to strap it on and went out to a bar last Sunday to watch the Lions. My bartender happened to be a Texans fan, wearing a jersey and everything. First Texans fan I've ever seen in person. You see those Texans and Jaguars fans at their stadiums, some of whom have their faces painted, and it turns out they are real people. This guy didn't even have a Texas accent or anything. This week I won't have to leave my apartment to watch the Lions as they are playing at home vs Redskins. I expect Portis to go for 175 on the ground and Lions to turn it over 3+ times. Yet the Lions will probably stay in the game because the Redskins don't blow teams out. Of course they haven't played the Lions yet.

Raiders + 7 @ Raiders
Saints + 3 vs Chargers
Chiefs + 14 @ Jets
Bills -1.5 @ Dolphins
CBoyz -1.5 vs Bucs
Eagles -9 vs Falcons
Rams +7.5 @ Pats
Cards +4 @ Panthers
Lions +7.5 vs Redskins
Browns +7 @ Jags
Steelers -3 vs Giants
49ers -5.5 vs Seamen
Bengals +9 @ Texans
Colts +4 @ Titans

2008-10-19T12:09:00.001-05:00

Mastro "Can 2 great weeks lead me to" V?

Getting long-winded on yo asses today. No more abbreviations, just names and feelings:

San Francisco 49ers at New York Giants (-10) – EWRa is pissed, real pissed. Sorry 49ers, you get to play all the NFC East teams after bad losses, you get crushed.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-8½) at Cincinnati Bengals – As usual the away team wins, and this year, the Bunglers are so bungling it’s pathetic. Thought this should be a 2 TD line, especially with no Carson.

Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs (+8½) - I like Le Titans (i.e. Giganticos, or something like that), but come on, they aren’t a high-powered offense and KC is at home.

Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears (-3) – Ugh, NFC North. Well, we all know it’s gonna be an awful game, but I think Bears are better. Gonna be a push.

San Diego Chargers at Buffalo Bills (-1) – If Edwards plays whole game, gonna be long day for SAN up in the near-great white North.

New Orleans Saints (+3) at Carolina Panthers – Now NFC South games are good games, but you never know what the f---- gonna happen. Saints have all their weapons back. This is an NO win.

Dallas Cowboys at St. Louis Rams (+8) – No ex-vide game named CB. No Homo. Means Boys come out mean and extreme, but Rams have new found life with Haslett. This is real tough, but have to lean with STL.

Baltimore Ravens at Miami Dolphins (-3) – Ech. Another bad game. Dolphins.
Detroit Lions (+10½) at Houston Texans - Two C’s in a row for the Lions? Both away? Signs point to yes.

New York Jets (-3) at Oakland Raiders – So Raiders don’t perform on road where they have no distractions. Now they have all the distractions of playing at home in front of Raiders fans that may actually hurt some players. Revolt happening and this is the start of it all. Favre loves tearing the Raiders new ones.

Indianapolis Colts at Green Bay Packers (+2½) – Pack. Has to be or else me unhappy.

Cleveland Browns (+7½) at Washington Redskins - Browns have confidence (a little) and now go up against a mediocre Skins team, seriously.

Seattle Seahawks (+10.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Hawks are real bad. Bucs that good? No

Denver Broncos at New England Patriots (-3) – Pats will not be embarrassed at home on Monday night. Somehow think Shananhans’s balls get so big he costs them the game.

2008-10-19T09:55:00.004-05:00

Welcome back, doc

I have to apologize for failing to make my picks last week. I was out of town for a wedding. Who knew it was harder to find decent internet access in Narragansset, Rhode Island than in Danli, Honduras. But I digress. You may have noticed that the last few weeks, I have not had much to say other than my picks. That ends today. A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of driving in Barry Obama's motorcade on his visit to the D. I also got to meet him. The photographer is being punished as we speak.

Yes, that is my hand.

For those of you that have never driven in a motorcade, I highly recommend it. It is a unique experience to drive out onto the tarmac and then have the freeway closed off for you by motorcycle cops while you speed by all of the suckers stuck on the exit ramps. The fact that I was the only volunteer that had a secret service agent ride shotgun has nothing to do with the Pakistani origin of my name. I assure you.

But enough of my excuses. On to the business at hand. First I would like to congratulate the Michigan State Spartans on their truly Spartan-like performance yesterday. Any of you that wagered on MSU must never have spent any time in this state. Just as every year at this time, the leaves turn brilliant colors, the MSU Spartans find a way to shit the bed, thus ruining a potentially great season. For the record:

2007- Start 5-2, final 7-6

2006- Start 3-0, final 4-8

2005 Start 4-0, final 5-6

2004 Start 4-3, final 5-7

2003 Start 7-1, final 8-5

I could keep going, but the point has been made. Every year the Spartans start off strong, making their fans believe, 'this is our year'. Every year they shit the bed in their first real challenge. This year has been different in that the Wolverines have been god-awful, so the local talk radio stations are running constant 'Is this the year MSU surpasses Michigan for state supremacy and wins a Big Ten/national title.' The Spartans were kind enough to answer that question for everyone. Thanks guys.

On to the professionals:

Titans (-9) @ Chiefs

The Chiefs are a very bad team and the Titans are a very good team. This does have trap game written all over it, so I will not be placing any of my own money on this game.

Chargers (even) @ Bills

Did the Chargers turn the corner with their victory over the Pats? I am still not convinced, but let's see how Trent Edwards responds to being concussed.

Steelers (-8.5) @ Bungals

Rule #1: If a Harvard statistician is giving you advice on what team to wager on, take it. If a Harvard QB is starting for an NFL team, bet against them.

Ravens (+3) @ Dolphins

A bit puzzling, but the Ravens did get smoked last week. I think they bounce back. The threat of a teammate putting a contract out on your life is a great motivator.

Cowboys (-8) @ Rams

Even Brad johnson can cover 8 in St Louis.

Bears (-3) Vs Vikings

This is the first home team I am picking to cover. Makes me a bit uncomfortable. The vikings just haven't gotten their running game going like everyone expected. I don't think that changes today.

Saints (+3) @ Panthers

Drew Brees is the MVP thus far, and he gets Colston and Shockey back this week. I like the Saints.

49ers (+10) @ Giants

The Giants looked pretty bad last week. I think 10 is a lot to ask vs. a decent 49ers team.

Lions (+10.5) @ Texans

Oh my god! What have I done?!? The Lions??? I should know better.

Jets (-3) @ Raiders

The Jets have seemed to blow out their lesser opponents while shitting the bed vs. the good ones. The Raiders are a lesser opponent.

Browns (+7.5) @ Redskins

I think the Browns may have found their offense last week. We will see if it is enough to cover the 7.5.

Colts (-2.5) @ Packers

The Colts also seemed to find their offense last week. Trouble for the Al Harris-less Packers.

Bucs (-10.5) VS Seahawks

Only the second home team I have picked to cover. Does not seem like good betting strategy. Hell of a choice for a sunday night game, NBC.

Pats (-3) VS Broncos

I still have a hard time betting against the Pats. Esp. with the Broncos horrible D and struggling O.

Season record: 30-25-1

2008-10-19T08:54:00.002-05:00

How do you want to lose this week?

Ok all affinity I may have had for those in the big 12 who rage against the dying of the cover (yes, I hate to say it, you Nebraska....my 2nd least favorite team) died yesterday with Oklahoma letting in that late Kansas touchdown. The moral of the story: The visor (long the headgear of choice for Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops), is basically a figurative and literal signification of a reluctance to cover. Why do I have this odd visual of that Kansas coach screaming "Do you see what happens Danny! Do you! This is what happens when you f*ck a stranger in the ass!" Speaking of signifying, how bout those Spartans? Could anything have typified Michigan State football better than that game yesterday? I guess if there's one winner here, its that forlorn lot of people who are MSU and Lions season ticket holders. They are spared from dragging their forlorn hides to Ford Field today. Knowing their luck, probably Stanton would have gotten a surprise start to put the capper on it all.

Titans v KC (+9)
Lotta points for a home dog there, but I see TN covering....perhaps in the first half and never looking back

SD @ BUF (-1)
I like the Bills. A lot. I really hope they win. I basically have no rooting interest in the NFL anymore so I basically like any team one of my non-Lions fan friends like so I can vicariously claim some other team as 'mine'. If the Lions want to use any part of that statement in any promotional materials, they have my consent.

PIT @ CIN (-9.5)
See above.

IND @ GB (+1.5)
See above....as an aside, Id think that the ethnic composition of these towns designates this game is the von Lucshan game of the week (Sorry Vikings, but you're playing the Bears).

Now that Im done being a homer for my favoritest teams....

BAL @ MIA (-3)
I think Miami isnt as bad as everyone assumed them to be. Baltimore, however, is far crappier than we already know.

DAL @ STL (+7)
Medical technology is really something these days. Tony Romo went from out for 4 weeks to playing in this quasi-exhibition game in the space of four days. I guess they must have stem cell research going on down there. Incidentally, why did Brett Farve find it necessary to encourage Romo to play personally? Maybe somebody else thinks this is a good bet too. I guess those $10 co-pays can add up.

MIN @ CHI (-3)
I guess its time to give some lip service to Minnesota's great run defense and how Chicago cant pass and blah blah blah. God I hate the NFC North.

NO @ CAR (-3)
I guess Shockey's back and Colston too. About time you invalid MFs. Still it wont help, or get your correspondent any fantasy points.

SF @ NYG (-10.5)
I think the Giants are having flashbacks to that game they should have lost to the Lions last year. This was the driving force behind their crapping out last week, and they will not cover against yet another bad team this week. Serves me right for betting on them on Monday.

DET @ HOU (-9.5)
In richer times, we could have said something cute like "guess who's the expansion team?" Not anymore, they're a heavy favorite and deserve more points than this. Id go so far as to call this a lock.

NYJ @ OAK (+3)
I think that probably the Jets will cover here, but I wouldnt recommend betting on this game as you'll then feel inclined to watch it.

CLE @ WAS (-7.5)
Was that Monday night game a fluke? Probably, and thats why you shouldn't listen to me.

SEA @ TB (-10.5)
What do Joe Tiller and Mike Holmgren have in common? They're both owed a lot of back child support by Wilfred Brimley, you're probably thinking. Maybe. But mostly, they just really wish they could use a DVR on their coaching careers right now as this is prime fast-forward material.

DEN @ NE (-3)
Boy did MNF ever come up snake-eyes on this one.