Cheese Times

US interstate highway brought to a standstill for 8 hours due to mating cranes

Randolph Hardcheese — Wed, 02 May 2012 23:26:35 +0000

The United States capital's traffic was severely disrupted today when a proposed government plan for two construction cranes to mate held up commuters for eight hours. This morning, just south of Washington DC, the interstate 95 was brought to a complete standstill, with all lanes blocked both ways as two heavy duty cranes became romantic.

IT'S OFFICIAL: RAMSEY, ERIKSSON, ROBSON ARE THE TOP THREE ENGLAND MANAGERS OF ALL TIME

Administrator — Wed, 02 May 2012 23:06:23 +0000

Roy Hodgson is the new England manager, will he succeed where Capello failed? Yes Capello failed. With so much talk when Fabio Capello resigned that he left as statistically the best England manager of all time, we at the Cheese Times started to think, really? Surely not. We called in the CT boffins and found out the truth.

The Cheese Times back Hodgson for success

Administrator — Wed, 02 May 2012 21:27:20 +0000

Hodgson claims two firsts as new England manager. Yes, as FA chairman David Bernstein insisted on telling us many times, he's the first England manager to be appointed with previous international experience, but he won his way into our hearts by being the first to raise up a cheese in his introductory press conference.

CT EXCLUSIVE: The Truth about Bin Laden

Brian Cheshire — Sat, 14 May 2011 02:08:28 +0000

Four billion dollars worth of espionage and specially directed CIA Osama funds were used before, apparently one facebook avid worker at Homeland Security recognized Osama Bin Laden's Facebook profile; it gave the US government his name, address and favourite tv show info - not surprisingly, the ever popular Fox production House M.D.

Bin Laden's pet mouse saved his life for months before the final strike

Brian McCheddar — Fri, 13 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Bin Laden's whereabouts were known months before the final strike. The Cheese Times can prove that his worldwide coordinates were known via facebook, and at least three attempts on his life using poisoned cheese were intercepted by his pet mice nicknamed "the infidels".

OLD NEWS: Bin Laden's Beard jokes

Randolph Hardcheese — Thu, 12 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

The TV networks and comedy shows have been using the found "beard colouring materials" for fodder on Osama Bin Laden's big appearance change back in 2007. The Cheese Times were on this story back 2007. We even advertised the Just for Men Al-Qaeda jet black beard product.

Agri-Cultural Changing Marriage

Mark Yarg — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Surrey born farmer wins the right to marry one of his fields. Dennis Curworthy, 48, has been battling the past four years the local and national marriage laws that prohibited any such nuptials. However this week, he finally got his wish, and his field of dreams. Though most law experts claim this will not set a precedent.

Man eating cheese consumes entire old hag

Mark Yarg — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Bristol and Bath's Annual Cheese and Ale Festival was interrupted when a Kent native, a man called Kent Native got a "little carried away" by eating a whole truckle of Quintuplet Gloucester and drinking an entire bottle of 80% proof 'Old Hag Ale'. Read how festivities turned to horror...

Bush Administration: 'Al Q�aeda Link to Prehistoric Mass Extinction'

Jack Monterey — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

New light has been shone on the desperate final months of President George W Bush's war on terror. The Obama leadership reveals details of an astonishing report made by the former administration in the weeks before leaving the White House that links Al Q'aeda to the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Police Forces of the World Unite

Dave Cheddar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Since last week's CT report, the numbers of police personnel in and around a warehouse in the English countryside has increased by the thousands, and now include officers from foreign police forces. The British government is monitoring the situation with an uneasy tension, fine port and blue Stilton.