Cheese Times

Agri-Cultural Changing Marriage

Mark Yarg — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Surrey born farmer wins the right to marry one of his fields. Dennis Curworthy, 48, has been battling the past four years the local and national marriage laws that prohibited any such nuptials. However this week, he finally got his wish, and his field of dreams. Though most law experts claim this will not set a precedent.

Man eating cheese consumes entire old hag

Mark Yarg — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Bristol and Bath's Annual Cheese and Ale Festival was interrupted when a Kent native, a man called Kent Native got a "little carried away" by eating a whole truckle of Quintuplet Gloucester and drinking an entire bottle of 80% proof 'Old Hag Ale'. Read how festivities turned to horror...

Bush Administration: 'Al Q�aeda Link to Prehistoric Mass Extinction'

Jack Monterey — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

New light has been shone on the desperate final months of President George W Bush's war on terror. The Obama leadership reveals details of an astonishing report made by the former administration in the weeks before leaving the White House that links Al Q'aeda to the extinction of the dinosaurs.

Police Forces of the World Unite

Dave Cheddar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Since last week's CT report, the numbers of police personnel in and around a warehouse in the English countryside has increased by the thousands, and now include officers from foreign police forces. The British government is monitoring the situation with an uneasy tension, fine port and blue Stilton.

Chat of the Land: Earth Noise Deciphered?

Millie Caephilly — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The Cheese Times brings you another exclusive from the world of science. New discoveries set to revolutionise continental geography claim the world's landmasses not only shift but speak to each other. Our newly appointed chief science correspondent, Millie Caephilly, reports.

Wolf attacks in South West England

Dave Applewood — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

The local Devon police released a statement claiming a total of eight people have been attacked by wolves, of which one was killed, in the past week upon Dartmoor and Exmoor. The police plead for pubic calm and encourage a voluntary curfew after nightfall.

Nation's Police convene at warehouse for reasons unknown

Dave Cheddar — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Police have discovered something and they won't tell anybody what it is. UK Cheese Times reporter Dave Cheddar has had to rely on reports sent from civil servants and members of the public to shed light on unprecedented events occurring in Sodding Chipbury, in Double-Gloucestershire. In the UK.

Development of Pseudocheese product halted after 6 volunteers fall dangerously ill

Dave Applewood — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

Development of Pseudocheese product, a new dairy-free, fat-free cheese has been halted after 6 volunteers fell dangerously ill during clinical trials. The Pseudocheese product was being tested at their in house labs in Hamwich. The failed trail is another setback in the quest to develop a cheese tolerated by every form of allergy.

England�s South Coast plagued by invading large lizards

Brian McCheddar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

England�s southern coastal towns are being besieged by large lizards. Bizarrely it appears the reptiles are coming in from the English Channel and searching for holy ground to lay their eggs. Biologists claim their behavior is not-typical and are alarmed by the events.

Bun bandits thwarted by uphill gardeners

Ched Limberger — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:00:00 +0000

A very queer turn of events almost interrupted this year�s annual cheese rolling festival on Cooper�s Hill. The traditional get together, where all the contestants can enjoy a nice bit of cheese in a locally made bun was almost thwarted, when it was discovered the buns had been pinched.