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The Podding Shed #35 Show Links

• Benfica 1-2 Chelsea – Trophy after Trophy after Trophy
• 11 Trophies, 10 Years, 9 Managers…
• Chelsea 2-1 Everton – You’ve Never Had it So Good

A pint glass containing half a pint of beer is filled to 50% of its capacity. But is it half full or half empty? It’s a subjective judgement depending on your state of mind.

There are those (you know who you are, you know who you are…) who have considered this season to be half empty, desperate for it to end and put it behind us and start afresh, following the resurrection of the chosen Special One.

Personally I view Season 2012/13 as pretty close to the pint marker. Having followed Chelsea for the best part of 50 years I’ve seen plenty of ups and downs with more lean years than years of plenty. Therefore my subjective measurement is based on expectation levels set between 1963 and now.

On a cold day some folk think it’s evidence we’re entering another ice age. But I remember 1963. On a hot day folk get panicky about global warming. But I remember 1976. So instead of getting hysterical, like a Daily Mail headline writer, one or two losses don’t make me inclined to search www.nostradam.us for references to mad Rafa, the devil incarnate.

Looking at the season through my blue-tinted spectacles the glass filling achievements are:

• Played in Monaco for the European Super Cup – only one other team in Europe can say that.
• Played in Japan for the World Club Cup – only three other teams in the world can say that.
• Reached the semis of the Capital One Cup. Where were the likes of Arsenal, Spurs and Liverpool who should be desperately seeking any kind of silverware and need it far more than us?
• Reached the semis of the FA Cup. Man City on their day are a top side. We lost. Surely we’ve played at new Wembley more times than England.
• Played in the Champions League.
• Third in the Premier League. For some clubs this is their raison d’être, with Arsenal desperate to complete cell B12 of their Excel spreadsheet titled “Champions League revenues (opportunity to fleece the fans before we sell our best players)”.
• Won the Europa League. Yes I know it’s not the Champions League. We’ve got so used to eating at the high table with Roman and sharing his Kobe beef that we’re all feeling a bit miffed to find a basic sirloin stuck on our plates. I’m delighted with any cut of meat. Our neighbours wouldn’t recognise meat even if it spun wildly out of control from its rotating skewer and hit them on their heads.
• We have some amazing talent and they are still way off their prime, with years of active service left. Mata and Hazard in particular and hopefully Oscar and Luiz. The skills and interplay displayed by our three amigos is a joy to watch and as good as anything I’ve witnessed.
• Frank Lampard becoming all-time top scorer. Some would argue whether he’s our greatest ever player but surely he’s our greatest ever midfielder? And the fulfilment of his greatness came in 2013, an extra squirt from the pump to raise the liquid level nearer the pint marker. His seminal moments just keep coming and coming.
• It’s about winning real trophies. In a previous life I qualified as a Chartered Accountant and for the last 16 years have run my own business. I’m theoretically and practically aware of the need for predictable recurring revenue. At Chelsea I’m a fan and it’s not my role to worry about the revenue streams. I want to win every game and I dismay at managers and fans who are willing to sacrifice cup games to protect future revenue streams.

The Match

As I arrived at my seat I found a free gift. The club’s generosity knows no bounds with two presents in one week following my free flag in Amsterdam. Today’s gift was a piece of thin card folded seventeen times to form a fan, which when held tight at one end with a rubber band creates a sound-making device. I used to fold paper when I was younger, once in half and then once again into quarters. The advantages of this simpler form of origami were twofold.

It was a carnival atmosphere and the game extremely open and played in good spirits. We took a first half lead after Howard’s poor save pushed the ball at Mata’s feet. Everton equalised soon after.

In the second half Torres scored his second in a week to give us the win. Has he left his resurgence too late and will he be out the door before next season?

Final score of 2-1 means we’re straight into the Champions League. This score kept Arsenal in fourth (and hopefully they’ll fall at the pre-qualifier next August) and the shit from the Lane left in fifth so I guess the Gareth Bale auction has already started.

Post-Match

As is customary the players performed a lap of honour. Paulo Ferreira was out first carrying the Europa League trophy. His contract has expired so this was his goodbye and the fans gave him warm applause. No such luck for Rafa who didn’t dare venture out onto the pitch which I think is a real shame. He’s done his best for us and despite getting abuse from thousands has acted professionally and with charm throughout. I’d have been happy to clap and thank him for his efforts.

I view Season 2012/13 as a very good season. Not the greatest season, Premier League wins and Champions League wins must stand above as our greatest, but good nonetheless.

Press Reports

The Guardian, Dominic Fifield: “There was a banner unfurled from the upper tier of the Shed end that read, simply: “Thank you, Rafa Benítez. Job done”. The majority of the Chelsea support in this arena would have been loth to agree publicly, but this awkward marriage of convenience has at least ended with an element of satisfaction. Victory courtesy of Fernando Torres’s late winner ensured the reigning European and Europa League champions end a difficult and draining season in third. It is time for interim and manager to go their separate ways.”

The Daily Telegraph, Jeremy Wilson: “It has taken fully 49 games but finally, with a trophy in the cabinet and a place in the Champions League secure, there was appreciation at Stamford Bridge for Rafael Benitez. It came in the form of a small sign. ‘Thank-you Rafa. We forgive you. Good luck.’ Seven words but enough nevertheless to reinforce the fact that Benitez, who did not come out for the post-match lap of honour, will depart with respect, if not affection, from the Chelsea supporters.”

The Independent, Glenn Moore: “The departing Paulo Ferreira was first out to a standing ovation – he carried the Europa League trophy. Next was John Terry, in full kit even though he had not played. Frank Lampard followed, then everyone else: the players, all their children, back-room staff, physios, media officers, kit men, et cetera. Still one man remained absent: the interim manager.”

The Official Chelsea FC Website: “Third place in the Barclays Premier League was safely secured by goals from our two top scorers for the season, Chelsea Player of the Year Juan Mata finding the net early in the first half with Fernando Torres scoring the winner with a sharp finish with quarter of an hour left to play.”

Goals

7′ Mata 1-0
14′ Naismith 1-1
76′ Torres 2-1

Around this time last year I started my Champions League final report with this well known phrase from Sir Alex Ferguson.

Football eh? Bloody hell!

So now I will paraphrase this to give it even more meaning to the majority who may see fit to read this.

Chelsea eh? Bloody hell!

Into the night I wander like a nicotine-stained, alcohol-tainted pissed old hack baffled by new technology, trying to put together a piece of prose about yet another glorious European night in Chelsea’s rather eccentric history. I’m out with work colleagues tomorrow night where I will celebrate large and long properly, but this will be a late night stopped over keyboard, lit by a solitary bulb. All for you ungrateful, unfeeling bastards.

It’s a nice thought that after the comparative barren years of the Bates reign, we suddenly find ourselves having to tag more Post-it notes together in order to add new glittering football bling to the growing list of club honours. 11 trophies, 10 years, nine managers.

And very kindly, Nick, the blog’s Dear Leader asked me to sum up the night’s events as its European correspondent. I do sometimes wonder if in many centuries’ time, the interweb pages with my cumbersome prose will still exist, whether my scruffily scrawled match notes on Bamboo Paper for iPad will be discovered by future eight-foot tall evolved humans with brains the size of medicine balls, where even the fattest can run 100m in five seconds, and will they gaze longingly at them like one might view the lyric scribblings of Lennon or Waters (Roger not Muddy). Will they see the raw emotion, the occasional potty-mouthed outburst, the irrationality, the fickleness and the pain and ecstasy as some timeless record of a previous but quaint time when people actually cared for something other than the greater good of human kind?

Nah, they’ll be laughing like dope smoking Cadbury’s Smash robots.

So, how do I feel pre-match? The first final I’ve not watched with my brother since 1997 and we’ve won every one of them we’ve watched together. We didn’t watch the Arsenal final together, nor the Moscow debacle, nor the final against the loathsome Spuds that must never be mentioned. Tonight due to differing work patterns we were separated again.

Was this an omen? Bollocks was it… not even I have that much of a God complex. I was nervous, but in comparison to the 19th of May last year and Munich this was small potatoes nervousness. To be honest I am recovering from a nasty bug caused by a second-hand leftover Chinese meal I ate on Sunday. Greed is never good… but the Chinese meal just smelt so good!

When the team news came it was much as predicted, maybe the omission of Moses being a surprise. I never got it right on the Podding Shed and maybe that’s good because Rafa can surprise me from time to time.

Anyway the team was Cech, Dave, Ash, Cahill, Ivan, Crazy David, Ramires, Sir Frank Lampard (captain), Mata, Oscar and Torres. Subs were Turnbull, Paolo, Mikel, Benayoun, Ake, Marin and Moses. I hoped we wouldn’t miss Hazard, but suspected we would. He will become our Messi in my view. JT we’ve done without for fairly large parts of the season so we’re used to him not being around and seem to have adapted well. Anyway, that was probably the strongest team Rafa could put out, so few complaints from me or the Twitterverse.

The Game

Well, the first half is easy to cover. We were utterly shocking. Pub teams were laughing and trying to book us for pre-season results fodder. Couldn’t pass, couldn’t hold the ball. Couldn’t keep the ball. Couldn’t win the ball. Couldn’t shoot, bar one decent effort from Frank. At 10 minutes I was alone with Didier and Frankie (new family kittens… what about those names huh?) shouting ‘WAKE UP!’ at the TV screen. This was much the pattern of behavior I adopted for the rest of the half. I did make one observation though and that was the stunning point that the tennis player Vitas Gerulaitis has been resurrected and reanimated and now calls himself Jorge Jesus and is manager of Benfica. Seriously check out the photos… it’s Vitas I tell you. Like Elvis he faked his death but rather than copy Elvis and run a chip shop in Scunthorpe (I have it on good authority) he’s decided to move back into the public eye. Yes folks, we were so poor I was hunting for a lookalike to tweet about. My notes go something like this…

20 minutes – All over the shop.
25 – Same shop, same trolley, different aisle.
28 – First shot on goal from Oscar.
30 – Rafa re-trying his patented Istanbul 2005 stratagem.
35 – Can we try Lidl.
37 – Decent effort from Frank… who else. After the Villa game I find myself mentioning Frank’s name in much the same reverend way Basil Fawlty addressed the fake Lord Melbury.
40 – Cardozo, we can’t handle him.
43 – Aah now I see we’ve moved to Aldi.
45 – 0-0 but how the hell we’ve seen that out I have no idea.

SHOCKING stuff from Chelsea across the pitch. But Benfica had seemingly decided to wear ballet shoes instead of boots which answers why they couldn’t shoot properly, nor stay on their feet. UEFA and referee conspiracy theories briefly flashed through my mind but logic won in the end. Even UEFA aren’t that stupid to publicly demonstrate their hatred of us. Although the sight of renowned Chelsea haters Platini and Cruyff sat side by side seemed a dark portent of possibility.

So like the eternal optimist, or the drug-crazed lunatic after a fresh fix I play with Didier and Frankie for 15 minutes and then think to myself, we’re a bad half/good half team so we have the good half coming up. It can’t be worse… surely?

Here’s the the second half notes. Note the subtle chord change from Gilmour-like melancholy doom to Jimmy Page Whole Lotta Love solo.

47 minutes – Aah I see they’ve opened Costcutters, shall we try that shop then?
48 – Benfica diving? (Shurely shome mishtake?)
49 – I say young shop worker, can you tell us where the ball is?
50 – Arse, Benfica goal… oh hang on… offside? Yeah I thought it might be…
50 – Will that close shave wake us up?
55 – Zzz… yawn… FFS WAKE UP CHELSEA!
59 – GOAL! GOLA! GOALLISSIMO! GOAL MACHINE! Torres scores on break, great vision, control and finish from him. He’s not quite done then! 1-0 Chelsea, never in any doubt…
60 – International feed missed it with slow mo replay of Vitas or fans yawning or something, well they caught the last seconds but even I can’t point the blame at ITV. But I do anyway.
60 – No doubt we have 30 minutes plus of grim hanging on then…
65 – Just keep the fuckers at bay Chelsea.
67 – Ref hears Ray Winstone in his earpiece shout ‘BET IN PLAY… NOW!’
68 – PENALTY. And for the first time in this competition we concede a proper penalty that even we can’t complain about from a rather silly Azpilicueta handball.
69 – Goal. Cardozo smashes ball past Cech. 1-1.
69 – Bollocks.
71 – Hold on we’re actually still in this. We’re threatening them. We’re alive!
73 – Fitness factor will surely tell.
74 – Torres tugged to floor, looks a penalty. Ref hears ‘BET IN PLAY… NOW!’ and refuses to give it.
80 – Ramires offside for the 37th time – he ain’t no winger…
88 – Blimey, a good open game now – Frank shoots… GOOAAA… oh it hits the bar. Wow, that would have been the way to win. Shit… didn’t he hit the bar in Moscow?
89 – Temerity to suggest on Twitter that maybe Ramires should come off for Moses – three minutes indicated of added time…
91 – Ramires cleverly picks up ball deep on right wing and plays it against defender for a corner. Last chance surely…
92 – GOAL! GOLA! GOALISSIMO! GOAL, BABY! BACK OF THE NET! Ivanovic in fairy tale last minute goal wins it for Chelsea surely.

And even then we needed a bit of wonder defending from Gary Cahill, no doubt questioning why he left Bolton for all this glory, in order to ensure we didn’t chuck it away with seconds to go. How must Wenger feel to have let Cahill skip by?

And that my friends, my colleagues, my brethren is how we won the game according to my electronic scribbles on the modern day version of the spiral-bound notepad and fountain pen.

Rubbish, still rubbish, getting better, improving, persevering, refusing to lie down, eyes on the prize, winning mentality. Spirit. That’s Chelsea Football Club for you.

Epilogue

As I did last year post-Munich I refuse to cheapen or sully this achievement with any ratings. Every man jack played their part in this.

The unity in this side is amazing sometimes to the point that we lose as a team, we win as a team, we play rubbish together as a team and we play good as a team. It’s a kind of football communism in a sense.

So, with no ratings let’s cover some honourable mentions, first half excluded where everyone was communally rubbish.

• Ramires, as Peter Watts described him to me… our Duracell Bunny. Runs and runs endlessly. I bet he runs in his sleep. Not a great night on the ball but he contributes and he tries and that’s more than good enough for me.
• David Luiz – calm and cool, an undercurrent of fury from time to time. Did more than you might think and in that sense was yes… Ballack-esque at times with his breaking up of play.
• Torres – cruelly nicknamed El Cobarde (The Coward) by me this season but effective in the second half tonight and a very cool finish. Life in this dog yet maybe…
• Cahill – future England captain. Never ever gives in.
• Ivanovic – a few odd mistakes, but the goal was a beauty and a fairy tale finish for a man who missed last year’s Champions League final.
• Cole – tireless, just tireless.
• Lord Francis of Lampardshire – there will be articles to follow on the great man and his contribution I suspect from all of the Podding Shed crew, but tonight he worked as he does best. When we needed a wake up call his shots reminded the others of what we were there to do. And for him to be captain again on a European winning night means he has won every major club honour there is. And it looks good for a contract extension as well. ROMAN, SIGN HIM UP!

Finally a special mention here for a much derided and divisive man. And this is because deep down, hate him, loathe him, or even like him, we Chelsea fans are decent, civil people who know what history means, and what class and dignity is.

Rafael Benitez. Asked to do a job, he gets us Champions League football. He gets us a European trophy to become one of four teams to win all major European honours, along with Ajax, Bayern Munich and Juventus and the ONLY English team to do so. Read and weep fans of other English clubs, read and weep. So he came in hated by many but still worked hard for the club. Despite the abuse he always smiled (well nearly always) and always faced the press and fans with good humour and a much needed ability to cop a deaf ‘un at Stamford Bridge and everywhere else. Mr Benitez, I thank you and wish you well as long as it’s elsewhere.

I could write so much more, but it’s 00:45 now. I’m tired and emotional, but not alcohol-induced tired and emotional. My Chelsea, Chelsea Football Club, the most bipolar and stark raving batshit insane club in the world, a club who I’ve berated, screamed at, sworn at, blushed at, cried at, laughed at and with, I bloody love you.

Truly, madly, deeply.

As ever it’s been emotional.

Keep the Blue Flag Flying High!

Press Reports

The Guardian, Daniel Taylor: “The clocks at either end of the stadium had just ticked past 92 minutes when Branislav Ivanovic made the run that will immortalise him in Chelsea’s history. The header was weighted with perfection, angled across goal and looping into the net, and it was then that Chelsea knew they had another European trophy to take back to Stamford Bridge and Rafael Benítez’s brief and turbulent period in charge was guaranteed its happy ending.”

The Daily Telegraph, Henry Winter: “Chelsea just love Europe. Whatever form it comes in, Champions League or Europa League, probably Eurovision too, they just relish its glittering company. Their salaries should be paid in Euros. They just never give up. Just as extra-time loomed, Branislav Ivanovic launched himself at a Juan Mata corner with such conviction, reviving memories of Didier Drogba at his unstoppable best, and Chelsea suddenly, gloriously, capped a crazy, complicated season with silverware. This was Chelsea’s 68th game, eighth competition and 12th country of the season.”

The Independent, Sam Wallace: “How Rafa Benitez’s team came to be the holders of the Europa League, as well as the European Cup, which is still theirs until 25 May, is one hell of story. It ended in the 93rd minute of the game when Branislav Ivanovic, hanging in the cool Amsterdam evening air that little bit longer than any of the Benfica defence, headed in a remarkable winner.”

The Official Chelsea FC Website: “A third European final in a row for Chelsea looked to be heading for extra-time after a Benfica penalty had levelled up Fernando Torres’s second-half goal, but with stoppage time underway, Branislav Ivanovic’s superb header won the Europa League.”

Goals

59′ Torres 0-1
68′ Cardozo (pen) 1-1
90+2′ Ivanovic 1-2
101 Great Goals match page

Links

• 11 Trophies, 10 Years, 9 Managers…
• Europa League final: Benfica v Chelsea – in pictures

The first 11.

11 – Trophies

Since Roman Abramovich acquired Chelsea FC in 2003 the club has won 11 trophies:

Europa League 2012/13, Champions League 2011/12, FA Cup 2011/12, FA Cup 2009/10, Premier League 2009/10, FA Cup 2008/09, FA Cup 2006/07, League Cup 2006/07, Premier League 2005/06, League Cup 2005/06, Premier League 2004/05 (it’s actually 13 trophies if you count the two Community Shields in 2004/05 and 2008/09, but who’s counting. Oh).

10 – Years of Roman Abramovich

And never a dull moment. Thank you, Roman.

9 – Managers

In those 10 years Roman and his retinue have hired and (mostly) fired nine managers:

Claudio Ranieri, 2000/04; Jose Mourinho, 2004/07; Avram Grant, 2007/08; Luiz Felipe Scolari, 2008/09; Guus Hiddink, 2009; Carlo Ancelotti, 2009/11; Andre Villas-Boas, 2011/12; Roberto Di Matteo, 2012; Rafael Benitez, 2012/13.

2013? Jose? Please let it be Jose. Please. The Special One Part Two.

8 – Frank Lampard

Super Frank. Arguably Chelsea’s greatest ever player. Broke Bobby Tambling’s long-standing goal scoring record (202) against Aston Villa last weekend. Frank has now scored 203 goals in 607 appearances since signing for £11m from West Ham in 2001. In the Abramovich era Frank has reached double figures every season, scoring between 13 and 27 goals, all from midfield. What a player. And it looks like he’s going to sign a new one-year contract and score even more. A legend.

7 - Nascimento Ramires

Let’s be honest, Ramires had a stinker against Benfica. Frankly, he was awful. Fouls, offsides, wayward passes, everything he did was rubbish. But he never stopped running, he never gave up, and in the end he won the all-important corner in injury time from which Branislav Ivanovic scored a magnificent winner. Ramires gets a lot of stick, particularly on Twitter, and I’m not sure why. Last night he was asked to play out wide, and we all know he’s not a winger. But he always gives everything for the cause, in fact sometimes he gives a bit too much, but that’s what makes him the player he is. Deserves more respect.

6 – Goals in six Europa League games

Just when you think Fernando Torres is a spent force and the biggest waste of money since the last biggest waste of money signed by Chelsea he goes and scores yet another crucial and, let’s face it, brilliant goal. At times against Benfica he looked like the Torres of old, the Torres of Liverpool. Six goals in six Europa League games and a 20 plus goal season. Pretty good and a good omen.

5 – Pints

I drank five pints of beer during the game. Not too much. Just the right amount to write this rubbish. (Sorry, I couldn’t think of another “5”. Quick, think of one while I prepare Tony’s Europa League final review.)

4 – World Cup, European Championship, Champions League, Europa League

Fernando Torres is the first player to hold all four at the same time. Where did it all go wrong, Nando?

And, Chelsea are the fourth club after Bayern Munich, Juventus and Ajax to win all three major European trophies.

3 – European trophies

Chelsea have now won all three major European trophies, the Cup Winners’ Cup in 1971 (versus Real Madrid) and 1998 (versus Stuttgart), the Champions League, aka the European Cup in 2012 (versus Bayern Munich) and the Europa League, aka the UEFA Cup in 2013 (versus Benfica).

2 – European trophies in two seasons

Chelsea have won the two current major European trophies, the Champions League and the Europa League, in two consecutive seasons. With two different managers – Robbie and Rafa.

1 – Champions League and Europa League holders

Chelsea are the first team in history to hold both the Champions League and the Europa League titles at the same time.

Number 1.

A bit of fun.

Keep the Blue Flag Flying High!

The Podding Shed is also available on iTunes. You can subscribe directly to the Podding Shed RSS feed here.

The Podding Shed #34 Show Links

• Manchester United 0-1 Chelsea – Wake Me Up When August Comes Round
• Chelsea 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur – Patent Place
• Aston Villa 1-2 Chelsea – Match Reports and Highlights
• Chelsea 2-1 Stoke City – What You Need, Frank Gives to You

The Observer, Stuart James: “On an afternoon of extraordinary drama in the Midlands, Frank Lampard etched his name into Chelsea history when he struck twice in the second half to surpass Bobby Tambling’s club record of 202 goals and give Chelsea the three points that secures Champions League football next season. Victory, however, came at a huge cost for Chelsea, who lost John Terry and Eden Hazard to injury and finished a pulsating game with nine men. Terry departed on a stretcher, with his left leg in a brace after he collided with Nathan Baker, while Hazard pulled up with a hamstring strain in injury-time, the Belgian’s pained expression shared by those on the Chelsea bench who reacted with despair.”

The Independent on Sunday, Simon Hart: “He was the last player off the pitch, staying behind to soak up the adulation of the away supporters in the Doug Ellis Stand and, frankly, who could blame him? With his two goals yesterday Frank Lampard did not just secure another Champions’ League campaign for Chelsea, but wrote his name in the Stamford Bridge history books as the club’s top scorer. Lampard had begun the day a goal shy of Bobby Tambling’s record but ended it with goals 202 and 203 of a brilliant 12-year Chelsea career. They were goals that summed up his continued importance to the club that has still not offered him a new contract as he cancelled out Christian Benteke’s first-half strike on the hour, and then appeared in the six-yard box at the perfect time to bury Eden Hazard’s low cross late on.”

The Sunday Telegraph, Gerry Cox: “Football purists may consider it sacrilege to play league matches on FA Cup final day, but Aston Villa and Chelsea served up a lunchtime feast packed with incident, significance and controversy. Chelsea came from behind to effectively seal at least a place in the Champions League qualifying round thanks to two goals from Frank Lampard, who equalled and then surpassed Bobby Tambling’s 43-year-old club goalscoring record of 202.”

The Official Chelsea FC Website: “Chelsea effectively sealed a top-four finish for the season and Frank Lampard made history in a dramatic game at Villa Park. The Blues came back from conceding early on and going down to 10 men, the vice-captain netting twice in the second half to pass Bobby Tambling and reach 203 Chelsea goals – the all-time club record.”

Goals and Highlights

14′ Benteke 1-0
61′ Lampard 1-1
88′ Lampard 1-2
Match of the Day highlights

Links

• Bobby Tambling: Frank Lampard is Chelsea’s greatest ever player and I hope he breaks my record
• Frank Lampard breaks Bobby Tambling’s Chelsea scoring record
• Frank Lampard – Solid goals
• Frank Lampard: Past perfect, future tense but still a present danger
• Frank Lampard wants to carry on playing until he is 40, just like Ryan Giggs
• Chelsea’s history man Frank Lampard focuses on honours not contracts

The Scene is Set

Here was the deal going into last night’s action:

Arsenal with two games left have 67 and can hope for a maximum of 73.

Spurs had three games left, 65 points and their maximum attainable total is 74.

Therefore Chelsea on 68, again with three games, can get to 77 but in truth would need no more than a maximum of six points from a possible nine as their goal difference is so far ahead of Spurs.

So Chelsea could, in theory, afford to lose this one and still be in the mix. A relaxing thought, non? I knew you’d agree. The way the season has gone, with disappointment heaped on humiliation all making for an unstable load on the wheelbarrow of expectation, why not can that proud record of not losing to Tottenham at the Bridge since back when Liverpool were winning titles? Just get it all out there. Lance the boil of pent up frustration. Or, if like many of the regulars you are lying prone and disinterested, like a dilettante opium addict, floating in a haze of fatigue and ennui, well you’ll barely notice another bitter disappointment.

The Actors Arrive

A selection that many now see as the A team: Cech behind Cahill and Ivanovic flanked by Azpi and Cole with Luiz and Ramires in central midfield backing the three amigos who looked to the masked man on point duty.

The absence of Terry was no surprise these days and with Frank having handed Sir Alex perhaps his final home defeat on Sunday it was to be expected he’d sit.

The visitors sporting a tonsorial mixture ranging from the 50s binman look of Bale and Parker to the Hendrix-like big hair of Huddlestone and Assou-Ekotto were missing Dembele. Other names like Kaboul, Gallas, Defoe, Sandro and Livermore weren’t in the lineup either. Due to a lack of time and general ignorance I’m not sure of their status.

But anyone doubting whether AVB had absorbed the history and culture of Chelsea during his brief tenure need only to see the presence of a tall, rangy man from the African continent playing up front in a London derby to know that he was in our heads, playing with our nightmares like David Lynch in Twin Peaks or Fire Walk With Me. Perhaps he should have thrown him on as a sub to make the parallels almost too excruciating.

The Action Unfolds

Now these games against the Hotspurs have in recent years been quite exciting affairs, particularly down at the Lane, the Bridge editions perhaps less so, although not without their controversies. Despite it being AVB’s return and first chance to take a tilt at his ex-employers on their patch, the high stakes mean it wasn’t unreasonable to expect a cagey, nervy, tight affair.

What the first half delivered was a brand of “Firewagon” (to borrow a phrase from another sport) football from both sides at which Chelsea proved the more adept. Taking the old adage “score early, score often” to heart, Chelsea scored early when after 10 minutes Oscar nipped in to head home point blank from a Cahill knockdown at a corner. In the general excitement they then forgot the “often” bit. With the majority of quality possession and plenty of attacking intent, they then did what they have done so regularly throughout the season and wasted a couple of decent chances to really floor Spurs. Mata yet again one of the culprits. Just how many goals could this man have scored?

Then a quick Spurs break from a Chelsea corner just beyond 25 minutes, saw our defence do again what they have done so often during the season; hesitate to go and close down the ball carrier. And so it came to pass that with Cech out on his six yard line, for reasons I’m not too sure about, other than he was anticipating a ball in behind his retreating back four, a tall, rangy bloke of Sub-Saharan aspect elected to drift the ball in from 30 yards.

The game was quite even then, until sharp combination play down the right, where Oscar, who was enjoying so much freedom against Assou-Ekotto due to Bale queuing up down the Patent Office and generally going missing for large parts of the evening, linked with Torres, who then played a sweet through ball into the right-hand side of the box where Ramires sped in to hit a one timer into the left-hand bottom corner. The less time he has to think about it the more effective he seems to be.

The half ended with Chelsea on top and they started the second just as strongly. They were pressing Tottenham high up the pitch, rushing the the man in possession in groups of two and three and Spurs were getting hemmed in and giving the ball away with heartening regularity. They didn’t even have time to use the option of hitting it long as their back four were pressured to move the ball quickly.

The Script Seems Strangely Familiar

Reaching into the desk drawer of handy phrases, I find the term “gilt-edged” and this best describes the chances that Chelsea then spurned. Because spurning is what you do with gilt-edged chances. Unless you’re sensible enough to take them. Hazard wasn’t with his one in the six yard box. We were then treated to the first of a couple of bizarre instances of players losing their footing, when Ramires who only had to sidefoot in a ball from Mata as he gained the area at speed went over like he’d hit black ice. What was on the surface down towards the Matthew Harding that made it like glass? Oscar managed to fall over twice within 10 yards at one point.

As the hour ticked by AVB brought on Sigurdsson for a truly ineffectual Lennon, followed ten minutes later with Dempsey on for Holtby. This had the effect of encouraging Bale to leave the cares of intellectual property and start taking a few runs at the Chelsea back four. Adebayor also returned to the action from wherever he had been spectating since his goal. In between Hazard, who had been a threat all evening was subbed for Moses. Having been floored with a heavy challenge some minutes earlier, I have to think this was forced on Benitez. And a foul count of 16 to six with only two yellow cards to one, once again meant that direct strong running at the opposition was too often checked by a foul with no discernible deterrent until late in the game.

Football is best understood in cliche and the idea that you really should take your chances when on top started to take hold in the mind of more than one Chelsea fan, I’ll warrant. Spurs were heading into their best spell of the game; the changes meant they were now able to work the ball up through midfield and Chelsea’s response was one of politeness. After all it would have been churlish and ill-mannered of David Luiz to track Sigurdsson into the box as he received a ball from a briefly offside Adebayor. It was now two-all.

The arrival of Benayoun for the impressive Oscar shortly after the goal, was greeted with a chorus of boos. Were they aimed at Benitez or Benayoun or both? It can only help the opposition to know that they’ve unsettled the home crowd. Many would have wanted to see Lampard. And certainly his range of passing might have helped because Luiz seemed to drop right off his game in the last 20 minutes. Perhaps Ramires could have moved into Oscar’s role to accommodate Mr Lampard.

Well it’s done now. Yet again the team has not managed to win after scoring first while lacking that last layer of resilience. Yes Spurs hit a good spell for the last 20 but it would not have needed a miracle to see them off.

The Lights Go Up (and someone starts to vacuum up the spilled popcorn while you try and watch the credits)

We remain in UEFA limbo, a narrow curtained room with a heavy wooden door that leads we know not where. It is an ante-chamber to the heaven of Champions League or the purgatory of Thursday night Europa. But the wait is near its end and we can hear the heavy footfall of the doorman approaching on the other side. We try to call out, to know for where we are bound but our voices are distorted and deadened by the heavy curtains. There is no reply. The handle starts to turn…

Enough of that.

It is difficult to be heavily critical of the team as a whole. Oscar, Hazard, Ramires and Azpilicueta stood out for me. Torres did well for an hour but seemed to fade once Hazard and Oscar left the field. They just have got to start converting a higher proportion of their chances. They will always tend give the opposition a goal, I think. They have to outscore rather than get ahead and hold out. Oh for the days of 103 goals in 38 games. It seems like it was just a dream…

And who better than the recently deceased legend George Jones to offer us a valediction to the soon to depart Rafa Benitez. Singing along with Elvis Costello, who wrote it for him, I give you “Stranger in the House”.

No “this never was one of the great romances….”

Press Reports

The Guardian, Dominic Fifield: “Tottenham Hotspur would normally celebrate a performance like this to the rafters, not least in praise of their team’s powers of recovery after they twice trailed in an arena that has tended to choke their resolve. Yet, in only drawing across the capital at Chelsea, André Villas-Boas’s side have surrendered the initiative to Arsenal in the race for the top four. This was spirited and, as their manager stressed, ultimately impressive. It might also prove damaging.”

The Daily Telegraph, Jeremy Wilson: “It was a high-quality match played at a breathless pace but, in the final analysis, a 2-2 draw did not really suit either club. Chelsea need another win to ensure a top-four finish so cannot completely switch their focus to next Wednesday’s Europa League final against Benfica.”

The Independent, Sam Wallace: “Two games from the end of the season and after the tumult of another mad nine months, Rafa Benitez is within reach of delivering them to the promised land of Champions League football. If it falls nicely for them this summer Jose Mourinho will breeze back in for another crack at the big time and he might even bring Wayne Rooney with him.”

The Official Chelsea FC Website: “A Brazilian brace was not enough to secure victory in a ferocious London derby that leaves us waiting to secure Champions League football.”

Goals

10′ Oscar 1-0
26′ Adebayor 1-1
39′ Ramires 2-1
80′ Sigurdsson 2-2

Due to sheer and utter football fatigue this will be a brief report covering the game yesterday between our beloved Chelsea and one of our biggest rivals. Well I say rivals. I mean they’ve hardly seen any rivalry this season or competition in their quest for their 20th, yes that’s right, their 20th top flight title. In fact the common mantra is that this is a piss-poor Manchester United team, and yet here they are crowned champions before April has ended. But here’s the thing, we’ve played them four times thus far this season, five if you include the FA Cup replay and each time I could argue that we’ve been the better team. In fact our only defeat at their feet this season was at Stamford Bridge and even then we had to be reduced to nine men in Clattenburg-gate for the red Mancs to come out on top.

The difference of course is sheer ruthlessness and consistency, whereas we’ve played superbly against the better teams and disastrously against lesser teams. Let’s take four games we should have won but drew or lost. Reading away, we throw away a two goal lead and ended up with a draw. Reading, who have been mostly garbage all season! Two points lost. QPR away, fourth game of the season and we scrap out a bore draw. QPR who have been as toilet as Reading! Two points lost. Southampton at home we let slip another two goal lead and end up drawing. Southampton who play good football but have hardly been fearsome this season. Two points lost. And finally in this representative sample of wastefulness on our part we have QPR at Stamford Bridge. The same QPR without a single away win all season. The same QPR anchored to the bottom of the table since day one. We lose 1-0 in a sterile affair. Three points lost. Nine lost points against teams that frankly shouldn’t survive the first 30 minutes against our creative and skilful players. That nine points puts us on 77. Five points in front of City. Champions League football. Guaranteed and yes, still seven points behind United but still making a fist of the season.

That’s how wasteful this season has been. And with that wastefulness, the apathy levels have hit new highs. For me anyway. And I guess for many of you as well. Is it our unreasonable expectation levels to blame? Possibly, but I think it’s more down to us wizened old hands getting rather tired of watching our club so effortlessly hit a different self destruct button every couple of years. And through the turmoil the club continues to use its own Orwellian style Ministry of Truth to tell us all everything is OK. Telling us all that we were trying to win every trophy this year instead of perhaps setting expectations a bit lower as the squad transitions to something representing the rather more utopian version so desired by the owner. In truth I’m tired and just want the season over. I’ll be playing golf and watching cricket during the close season, allowing a full mojo recharge unfettered by international football, Olympic football and pre-season money spinning bollocks tournaments and friendlies. Wake me up when August comes round.

The Game

I’ll cover this briefly as you can find fine reports on the game from many source across cyberspace through the miracle of the interweb.

Benitez deserves some credit for recent form and for what now looks like very astute man management through rotation in this marathon game season. Add to that any lack of obvious dissent from hardy stalwarts Frank Lampard and John Terry despite neither being automatic first entries on the team sheet. Part of me thinks this ‘phasing out’ was part of his remit from Roman.

Anyway, Frank was named captain for this game, which saw a back four of Dave, Ash, Ivan and Crazy David, a midfield of Frank, Ramires, Mata, Oscar, Moses and a lone striker in Ba. Changes were made later in the game but again, it’s arguable they made any real difference apart from the unusual sight of Ba and Torres as a dual strike force.

Anyway, pleasantly surprising was a thoroughly decent first half display from us in terms of possession and chances/half chances. The catch was that we were playing a Manchester United team that were obviously already thumbing brochures for beach holidays. To say the ‘bite’ had gone from their game is a mighty understatement. However you can only play what’s in front of you and we did that with professionalism and impressive performance levels. The game however, during the first half, was hardly a sparkler. At half time it was 0-0 and deservedly so.

And so for the second half. Well just read what I wrote for the first half. It was pretty much the same. Even the subs barely made any difference. United continued to labour seemingly desperate to get home for Sunday lunches and we gamely played on hoping for the breakthrough to come. And break through we did. In the 87th minute a marvellous run from Ramires who stole the ball from Rooney LEGALLY ended up with Mata shooting and getting a slight deflection from Jones for us to go a goal up with barely three minutes left. Of course there was the now obligatory six minutes minimum added time. It’s not Fergie time anymore as demonstrated versus Liverpool. It’s whatever reasonable amount of time the refs’ union wants to add in order to maximise a team’s chance of equalising against us. Clattenburg-gate continues?

In the final minutes my Player of the Year, David Luiz got into a tackling/sparring/tackling match with Rafael and Rafael reacted badly by kicking Luiz up in the air under the nose of assistant referee Sian Massey. Flag raised instantly and Howard Webb produced a straight red. Luiz lay on the floor and laughed. As did I. Did he con the ref and lino? I’d say no as she raised the flag the second Rafael took the swipe. Should he have laughed? To be honest I couldn’t care less. We’ve been too nice this season anyway, and frankly a team with the likes of proper cheats and divers such as Nani and Young can run off and cry all it likes. We were a goal up and United had barely threatened all game. The red card made no difference to the result. And that was it. Game over. A dull perfunctory game for much of the time, but punctuated by a lucky-ish goal and a moment of madness resulting in a red card.

The Epilogue

So, there you have it. Three massive points leaving us a little wriggle room over Spurs and Arsenal, with a win versus Spurs all but guaranteeing us Champions League football. In turn that gives us the chance to play the Europa League Final with a tad less pressure and one distraction and target out of the way. Let’s hope the Rafa effect of recent games continues until the end of the season so he can go off to pastures new having ensured he doesn’t become the forgotten man of football, has a trophy on his CV, and has met the targets set by the owner. And then let’s hope the owner catches a hefty dose of common sense and employs someone the fans actually like, sticks with that man and allows the transition to continue in our next phase of being a proper competitive side in the Premier League.

Sorry this wasn’t more fun, but as I say, the apathy and fatigue levels are at record highs. It’s a beautiful warm day, people are smiling and the world feels nicer when it’s like this. It reminds me that there are other things to enjoy and that for a couple of days at least until Wednesday the world is just a little bit more blue tinted.

Keep the Blue Flag Flying High!

The Press Reports

The Guardian, Paul Wilson: “There’s only one team in Europe, the Chelsea fans reminded their Manchester United counterparts throughout this game, proving that even the much-maligned Europa League has its uses. It is still Champions League qualification that matters most, especially with a new manager to recruit, and three points from one of Old Trafford’s tamer afternoons courtesy of their deflected but deserved winner returned Chelsea to third place before Wednesday’s showdown against Spurs at Stamford Bridge.”

The Daily Telegraph, Henry Winter: “Chelsea had the last laugh here. Juan Mata struck a late deflected winner, David Luiz smirked as Rafael da Silva was dismissed and Rafael Benítez got one over on his old feuding partner, Sir Alex Ferguson. Mata, Luiz and Benítez certainly left Old Trafford all smiles. This was a hugely significant moment in Chelsea’s pursuit of Champions League football. For 86 minutes this was a stupefying game, a match littered with misplaced passes, inaccurate shooting and a lack of urgency more likely to stir demand for Prozac than Prozone. But then Mata intervened, his shot going in off Phil Jones.”

The Independent, Sam Wallace: “Unfortunately for Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur, who desperately needed United to stop Chelsea winning at the very least, Sir Alex Ferguson’s team have run out of steam. Even before they secured the title a fortnight ago today they had already been on the decline for a while and now they are simply going through the motions. If Arsène Wenger hoped for something in return today for the sale of Robin van Persie, then he will have been disappointed.”

The Official Chelsea FC Website: “The Blues secured a potentially huge three points at Old Trafford, and a first win away at Manchester United since the 2009/10 campaign courtesy of a Juan Mata goal four minutes from time.”

The Goal

87′ Mata 0-1
Match of the Day highlights

The Independent, Sam Wallace: “The manager no-one wanted. The competition no-one cared about. The season that looked like it could be a train wreck in December, now delivers the fifth European final in the club’s history. It could yet end in more recriminations if Benitez does not deliver the club a top four finish and Champions League football next season but from where Chelsea stand right now the picture does not look too bad. It will potentially be the 11th major honour in ten years of the Roman Abramovich regime and an appropriately bonkers finale – although the final is not the last game of the season – to another madcap season at Stamford Bridge. No club has quite perfected the art of mining trophies from seasons of managerial sackings and general mid-term chaos, like Chelsea.”

The Guardian, Daniel Taylor: “By the end, it was a throwback to happier times for Chelsea. Their place in the Europa League final had been confirmed and, however much a downgrade it is compared with last season’s glories, they will cherish the opportunity to bring another trophy back to Stamford Bridge at the end of a difficult, sometimes chaotic season.”

The Daily Telegraph, Henry Winter: “Although lacking the lustre of last year’s climax in the Champions League, this final will still be special for Chelsea. For Ramires and Luiz, it will be an emotional occasion against their former Portuguese employers. Nemanja Matic will relish the chance to show Chelsea what they offloaded.”

The Official Chelsea FC Website: “The Blues secured a second successive European final with a ruthless second-half display which saw us overcome Basel 3-1 on the night and 5-2 on aggregate, ensuring we will contest the Europa League final in Amsterdam on 15 May against Benfica, who overcame Fenerbahce in the other semi-final.”

Goals

45′ Mohamed Salah 0-1
50′ Torres 1-1
52′ Moses 2-1
59′ David Luiz 3-1

Links

• Chelsea v FC Basle: five things we learned about the Europa League semi-final win at Stamford Bridge
• Five reasons why Chelsea have reached the Europa League final
• Chelsea fans left furious over £2,400 tickets for Europa League final

The Podding Shed is also available on iTunes. You can subscribe directly to the Podding Shed RSS feed here.

The Podding Shed #33 Show Links

• Chelsea 1-2 Manchester City – Three Hamptons and a Blog
• Liverpool 2-2 Chelsea – Another Two Points Down the Drain