Chickenruby

Why as an expat I don't think local schooling is a good idea.

2013-05-18T08:35:00.001+01:00

Education and International schools

I have no knowledge of International schooling, it was not an option for us when we became expats and moved from the UK to South Africa.

I’ve read many articles and blogs about the benefits of local schooling, but when I look for further information in regards to my childrens education I discover that most of the information for local schooling is primary education and the benefits of your child emerging themselves in local schooling.

I google boarding schools for expat children and alarmed to discover that this choice is usually made when the child approaches secondary education and the parents are still livng abroad.

So why did we choose local schooling over international schooling? Because we were nieve, we listened to the advice we were given only to discover that the advice was based on……..no knowledge of anything other than we had to have a school place for our children in order for us to obtain a visa to move here.

Our eldest child child school here in 2011. The school year starts in Jnauary, he entered in Grade 10. In the UK he had already completed 4 months of grade 11, his GCSE year. We opted to move him, prior to his GCSE’s as his UK school wasn’t really performing to the best of his abilities, he ran with the in crowd and every day was a battle. Local schooling for him here was the best thing we did for him, they helped him catch up with this grades, he joined the first team cricket and rugby, not bad for a Pomme, his grades went up, he still ran with the in crowd but the peer pressure was positive.

He is finishing Grade 12 in December, he will be 18 years and 11 months. He is on course for Matriculation and entry to Varsity…or is he?

Arriving in Grade 10 he was exempt from Afrikaans and learning a 2^nd language. So far entry to Varsity here is going to be difficult. An undergraduate course is 3 years and should he be accepted, as an immigrant all fees have to be paid on being offered a place. To complete his degree and obtain the Hons, he has to reapply and study for a further year.

Should he want to study at a UK university he is required to spend an additional year and move over to the Cambridge school to convert his Matric to A level equivilant, then applky to UK University meaning he wouldn’t be able to start until October 2015, that would leave him with no visa and have to return to the UK in December 2014 and wait 10 months before taking up a UK university place aged 20 years and 10 months, where as had he stayed in the UK he probably wouldn’t have done A levels but if he had he would’ve started University in October this year. He is effectively having to do an additional 2 years of schooling for his A levels.

The youngest child entered schooling here in Grade 6, still in Juniors, he had already completed 4 months of secondary school in the UK. Due to a monumental cock up, the company had informed the local school we were only here for 2 years. He wasn’t exempt from Afrikaans as we’d been informed and his Educational Psychology and learning need reports hadn’t been forwarded to the school as they had needed to secure his place, again for our visa application. It became apparent in Grade 7 at the end of the first term, March 2012 that his educational needs were not being met and after reassessment and additional support being given for end of term exams, he had missed out on vital education with him failing terms. I’ve attempted to address his needs with his current school. But as with other local schools I’ve approached, Special Educational Needs are NOT catered for in main stream schooling. I’m banging my head against a wall, the last correspondence I received from him school was a suggestion that he may be suited to schooling else where, but no suggestion as to which school. Schools in Jo’burg are out of the question and trying to find an international school that delivers International GCSE’s and that also caters foor his SEN within a reasonable driving distance is proving impossible. There is a Montesorri school near by that we have applied to but as he had no Montessori experience and is 14 years of age, it doesn’t look likely.

We also don’t want our youngest to be in the same situation as the eldest so our only option is looking like UK boarding school for him. He was a pupil at The Downs Malvern College prior to our relocation and he loved boarding, we took this option as the whole boarding approach seemed the best way forward for his learning needs and style, but we only lived 4 miles away and he could come home in the holidays or the odd night if he wanted to. This is not my preferred choice of schooling, but having exhausted all the other options, we need to move fast as he is due to start his GCSE’s in Year 10 this coming September.

For the eldest child we should have chosed International schooling from the start. For the youngest, it seems that UK boarding is and was and should've been our only option. I'm just hoping now we can get a place in time for him to start his GCSE's this year and that he can catch up with the last two years of missed education.

Do you buy condoms for your teenagers?

2013-05-17T15:00:00.003+01:00

It feels as if your kids are little forever and then all of a sudden without you realising it, they’re all grown up.

There comes a time when you can’t blog about them or post photos online because they are grown up and they have a say in how their lives are run.

When your kids are little (I’ve got 5) you look at older kids and hear their parents complain and you can never imagine your kids being like that, answering back, wearing clothes you don’t approve of, make up, have unsuitable friends and then you remember being a teen yourself but it’s only when your kids reach their teens that you really remember what it is like.

As a parent you have lots of hopes/dreams and visions for their future, your future. You relish the forthcoming freedom of nights out without baby sitters. You have moments where you don’t think they need you anymore. More moments where they don’t think they need you. They make their own decisions, friends, they refuse to wear the clothes you buy them, the bedtime routine is forever a battle, screen time, phone bills, using your car, waiting up all night for them to come home. But they never stop needing you, just their needs change.

You know one day that they’ll leave home, they go slowly over a period of time, staying out with mates, going to college, Uni. They get girlfriends/boyfriends.

You worry they’ll get pregnant before they’re ready to become a parent. You give them the talk, advice.

You’ll think you’ve prepared them, that you have an open relationship with them, and that they’ll talk to you if there are any problems. You hope they’ll act responsibly.

There was a discussion on twitter about Thorpe Park selling condoms, on the shelf amongst the sweets and the concerns of encouraging young people to have sex before they’re ready, of having to explain to younger children what they are when asked and the difficulty of explaining sex in public to a child that isn’t the right age to be learning these things.

But I’m a believer in answering children’s questions at whatever age, although I agree that the location and/or timing may not be right. I also don’t believe that a child being able to buy a condom will encourage them to have sex. I’d rather if my child thought about having sex they were able to buy the condom without having to search for it, ask for it as that is more likely to cause them embarrassment and just not to use one. I know that people say if a child is embarrassed to buy a condom then they’re not mature enough to have sex, but come on…real world people it happens. What you do in private you don’t necessarily want anyone else to know what you’ve got planned do you?

So when my kids reached around the age of 15 and/or had girlfriends that they spent most of their time with, I bought condoms and left them in their rooms. Yes the younger kids found them, yes they blew them up and made water bombs (expensive exercise) yes they giggled over them and teased their older siblings. But so far no one has knocked on my door telling me their daughter is pregnant, boys are 23, 21, 18 & 14

How to get credit as an expat

2013-05-14T07:15:00.000+01:00

It costs a lot of money to move abroad, even when you move with a company that pay your expenses. There are hidden costs, which you can’t claim back. Such as selling your car in your home country, you need a quick sale, you’re not trading up, and you lose money on the sale. Your house is empty, you fail to get tenants before you move. Your container is delayed due to an issue with your visa after you have gone abroad, so you need to buy basic equipment, a bed, bedding, towels, kitchen equipment and don’t forget the school uniform and stationery items you need for the children. You may get an allowance for that but by the time you’ve paid the deposits for your utilities, the deposit on the house you are renting, funds are running low.

Prior to moving to South Africa, we shopped around for International banking, we were promised with one bank, that we’d have an account set up for us, full credit history and the ability to borrow funds.

Our first and only major purchase in South Africa was a car for me, hubby had a company vehicle. Unfortunately I hadn’t sold my car in the UK at that point so I called the ‘World’s Leading International Bank’ and asked to borrow some money. Apparently, as they don’t have an actual branch in the country none of the benefits we’d been promised were available to us, they even cancelled my bank card for ‘unusual activity’ despite us only opening the account to move to South Africa in the first place.

At this point we didn’t have local bank accounts as promised, so to open accounts we had to have documents copied and verified by the local police station, provide references, full copy of contract of employment, and a wage slip. We got stuck in a vicious circle. The company couldn’t provide us with a payslip until we had a bank account to pay the money into, couldn’t pay us the allowance for the same reason, without a car I couldn’t get to the police station to certify our documents and we had almost depleted our UK finances. Without a bank account there was also no way we could rent a property, which meant we couldn’t get proof of residency and I couldn’t get a SIM card.

The circling continued for a while. We finally got local bank accounts; hubby had to give his permission for me to have an account. He also had to take time off work to ‘sort me out’ we approached the garage where he got his company car from and they organised finance with the help of the company, but there were hidden costs. We had to have a 50% deposit due to our nonexistent credit record here. The loan had to be repaid within 2 years, before our visas expired.

So I withdrew the daily maximum from my UK account, having now sorted my UK card out, using a street corner phone box to make the call from having discovered Telkom’s ‘World Calling Card’ I had to walk the short distance to the Mall each day, I was VERY scared, this is South Africa after all. Then when I had enough money I had to walk to another bank, outside the Mall with R50,000 in my bag, to pay the deposit to the garage, and then walk to the bank where the garage had sorted finance to prove we had paid the deposit, then walk to the garage to collect the car.

This was a very difficult and complicated experience, but a necessity which we couldn't avoid. I am currently purchasing a car for my son, we have credit, extended visas, money built up in local accounts, not limited to our immediate area to search for vehicles so the process isn't actually any more complicated than our experiences in the UK athought the interest rates here are much higher.

I'm flying in for Britmums Live

2013-05-14T07:04:00.000+01:00

Name: Suzanne, although most be just call me Chickenruby these days

Blog: Chickenruby

Twitter ID: @chickenruby
Height: 5ft 7in
Hair: medium length, sometimes purple or blonde or a mixture of the two. Sometimes I add a monkey as a little accessory
Eyes: Greenish

Is this your first blogging conference?
Yes it is
Are you attending both days?
As long as I get my arse into gear and book a hotel room (contact me if you need a room share, I'm toilet trained, but I may snore)
What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2013?
Putting names to faces and finding out what more I can get out of blogging
What are you wearing?
No idea, depends whatever is not creased or dirty in my suitcase, after being on tour in the UK for the past month
What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2013?
Absolutly no idea, I have an open mind
Tell us one thing about you that not everyone knows
I live in South Africa (there may a few people that don't know that) I play the clarinet and know the off side rule

We all speak English, but what happens when it has a different meaning?

2013-05-09T18:59:00.000+01:00

Some English regional phrases that may have a different meaning to you.

I have South African friends travelling to the UK tonight for a holiday. It made me think about the differences in the use of the English language of which I’ve battled with a little here. It’s not just the words used, it’s the context in which they are used.

I’ve lived ‘oop north’ and dawrn souf’ and have been thrown with ‘daps, pumps and pimpsels as well as ‘muffins, bread cakes and baps’ so I thought I’d put a list togheter for them to use should someone say something that they may think has a different meaning.

I’d love it if you’d add your own to the list.

I would also like to add that I will NOT be held responsible if these words/phrases are used and you get into trouble with any of them. You are advised to proceed with extreme caution.

Arse about face this means you are doing something back to front.

Arse over tit falling over in style

Barmy to describe the weather as in mild

Bum us a fag not a request for sex, but ‘give me a cigarette’

Blow me again not a request for sexual favours, used instead of ‘well I never’

Bob's your uncle used at end of sentence to exclaim ‘it’s easy’

Bung as in ‘to throw’ ‘bung us your keys mate’ or a bribe

Butchers to take a look at something

Can you borrow me a ……. as in a lend of

Cheerio to say goodbye, not just a breakfast cerreal

Cock up again NOT a sexual request but to make a big mistake

Fagged ‘I cant’ be bothered’

Gagging ‘she’s gagging for it’ as in she wants sex and now

Going out on a Bender heavy drinking session

Gutted upset about something ‘I’m gutted’!

Hiya to be used in Wales to great everyone

How’s it hanging? ‘How are you?’

Hump when you have the hump with someone you are in a bad mood

I'm easy as in ‘I don’t mind’ not just sex

Just a minute as in South Africa you say ‘I’ll do it now’ means NEVER used in

Wales

Knob another word for Penis and a door handle, you can also call someone a knob when they do something stupid

Mobile and text cell and sms

Mug if someone is a bit of a mug, it means they are gullible

Narked as in ‘pissed off or fed up’

Nesh being pathetic, wimpish Not my cup of tea something is not to your liking

Numpty polite way of calling someone an idiot

Off your trolley meaing ‘you’re completely mad’

On the job either ‘at work’ or ‘having sex’ think context

On your bike polite way to tell someone to ‘fuck off’

Pants polite way to say something is crap/rubbish

Pavement pizza found outside pubs and kebab shops on a Sunday

morning….vomit

Queer as in ‘you look a bit queer/ill’

Quid a Pound coin

Bladdered, Rat arsed, shitfaced, Trollied very drunk

Round as in ‘your round’ your turn to buy the drinks in the pub

Shag a greeting used between male friends as in ‘alright mate’

Shagged knackered/tired

Shufti take a look at something ‘I’ll have a shuftie’

Sick as in cool, used to describe something good

Slash and Waz Take a slash and have a waz mean ‘I’m off for a wee’ quite

often an outdoor event

Sorted everything is ok or will be made ok

Ta to say thank you, to be used in Wales

Tosser and wanker used more as a hand signal for other drivers on the road if they

are driving erratically

Totes as in ‘I’m up for that’

Waffle Brits are good at waffling, talking about nothing, usually the

weather

what to do with old tin cans

2013-04-30T15:46:00.001+01:00

Wash them
Drill holes
Paint them
Decorate them
Plant some seeds
Hang from trees

Jan Cilliers

2013-04-30T15:45:00.002+01:00

My permission has been revoked

2013-04-13T10:20:00.001+01:00

My son is 14 on Sunday. Every Friday night we have Pizza night with our friends, taking it in turns at one anothers houses.
Last night was our turn and we decided to turn it into a bit of a party and do the Birthday cake.
I love baking and yesterday morning I got out all the ingredients and asked my son what cake he wanted. As quick as a flash he replied 'Shop bought'. It made me realise that my days as a mummy are coming to an end. He is the youngest of 5 children.

The youngest has always had an issue with his photos being taken, in fact he hates it, it ranks a close second to getting his hair cut. As I tried to take a picture of him blowing out the candles, he hid his face, it winds me up and he knows it. He is missing from pictures in nearly all family events and if he is in the picture, his face is hidden.

Being expats and away from family, I make a huge effort to update the picture album, send prints back to people and post online, usually on facebook. I run my faceebook for the family only, I rarely post comments like the ones you see on twitter @chickenruby and I have recently started linking blog posts that I think people might like to read.

But I've been told 'no more mum, no more pictures, no more blogging about me'
I have to respect his wishes, he is old enough now to have a say in his private life. I've never ridiculed my kids, but I have shared personal stories about the things they've done, the troubles we've had and how we've problem solved. I've always sought permission from family members and the older children (the ones that have left home) prior to posting, but I've never had to ask to share pictures of them on facebook or twitter.

I don't own my children, but what they do effects me, my life, causes me issues, phone calls asking for help and guidance. Moments as a Mother I want to share, things I'm proud of, achievements I want to 'show off'

So I'll leave you with the last photo of my almost 14 year old and I'll attempt to take his picture to send back to his grandparents in the UK.

How long does it take to become a local?

2013-04-08T12:49:00.000+01:00

I’ve moved many time during my life, in fact 14 times, spanning 3 countries (Wales, England and South Africa) from birth to 17 this involved 4 moves from Newport – Leicester – York - Ross-on-Wye. Every time I’ve moved there have been things to sort, work, family, education, transport plus the usual hassles of changing utility bills and the actual move itself. We’ve all been there and done it and it ranks as one of life’s most stressful things to do.

Moving 6000 miles away has been harder, because on top of the above I’m also dealing with a different culture, language, way of life and way of doing things.

But what I’ve never had problems with is making friends. I’ve moved as a child and made friends at school, then as an adult and made friends through work, then as a mum and made friends again through school. I have life long friends, I have friends who have come and gone, I have friends I’ve been on holiday with and survived.

But when you move so far away from everything you know and your kids are older and you don’t work, then making friends is that little bit harder and it takes an awful lot longer than you can imagine.

So I now know how to do things here, expect the unexpected and be prepared to wait for hours, spend many visits and accept that sometimes what you want to do and what you can do are two separate things.

I’ve established my volunteering, the kids settled emotionally into school and country and through that I have friends, I have a support network. There are people I can party with, people I can call in to see. People who can help me with lifts when my car is off the road or if I’m ill, lend me money when I lose my bank card and hubby is out of the country.

I can now give directions when asked, recommend services, help someone sort out a problem. I know how to talk to people to get what I need, what words to use if I want something done ‘just now’ and not ‘now’ (which means never) I understand the language, the culture, the whole way of life. I can drive to various places without the need for a GPS.

I know there will be issues, things that drive me up the wall, things I’m unable to resolve but I now believe I am settled, I am a local. I belong here and the depression I’m still having issues with is all part of the transition phase of adapting to the culture, of moving 6000 miles away from family and friends and familiarity and re-establishing my whole life.

Parents V Teenagers

2013-04-02T20:31:00.000+01:00

I’m not fighting with my teenagers anymore.

It’s not getting me anywhere.

When they leave home they live their own lives.

I don’t have to visit their homes if I don’t like the mess that they make.

I want a tidy home, not them.

I want the washing done, not them.

I want the dishwasher loaded, then emptied, not them.

I want the wet towels picked up off the floor, not them.

I cause the stress in the house, by demanding the above is done, not them.

So from now on, I will keep a tidy house, I will pick up their mess and drop it in their room.

I will choose my battles carefully.

I will ask for the washing, if it’s not brought to the machine then I shall just wash my stuff.

I will wash up my plate, cutlery, cup/glass after my meal, not theirs unless they bring them to me.

They obviously don’t mind using a wet towel, so I’ll leave it where they drop it, after all I have my own bathroom.

Then come the Monday morning when their uniform isn’t washed, when there are no bowls for cereal of cups/glasses for drinks, they will be the ones stressed and not me.

Lets talk about sex

2013-04-02T20:21:00.000+01:00

The reality of Sex

Why is it never like it is in the movies?

Probably a lot to do with how the media portrays the ‘perfect lifestyle’ career, the perfect marriage, wonderful home and the most amazing kids, through newspapers, advertisements etc.

I also hold writers responsible. You know the ones that write the Chick Lits, screen writers for movies.

Picture a typical romantic film or even an action one. You know where after the good guy saves the world and gets the girl? They’re hardly through the door and they’re ripping one anothers clothes off and having sex against the wall in the hallway, him holding her off the ground. Cut to next scene and they’re lying in bed, perfect hair and make up, his wounds have healed and wrapped seductively in a sheet.

Now I know there is poetic licence used here, but come on, has that really ever happened?

In reality its arrive home after a days work, collected the kids from wherever, a boot full of shopping. This mornings breakfast dishes to be sorted, shopping to be put away, kids homework to do, arguments, dinner and plonked down in front of the telly around 9pm absolutely knackered, feeling like you have just saved the world and the fateful words ‘Early night love?’ or ‘ you having a shower/bath before bed’

And what happens next is nothing like the movies. After a typical day there is no way you can get on with it without a shower, there is never a piece of furniture strong enough for him to prop you on, as there is no way he can lift you off the ground like that. There is washing over the bed, you’re lying on the remote, getting tangled up in the bed sheets, pillows piled high, toppling on your head, ignoring the TV on in the background, ‘did you lock the door?’ ‘Is that one of the kids on the landing?’

And as for the morning, there is no crisp sheet wrapped round you, you’ve either already put your PJs back on or just pulled them up, your hair is a mess, your make up is everywhere. There’s a child knocking on your door for their breakfast.

There is no loving smile and breakfast in bed and the conversation goes like this.

‘Eugh, go clean your teeth’

‘Why do I always sleep on the wet patch?’

My top 5 things to do in South Africa

2013-04-01T17:11:00.000+01:00

My top 5 things to do in South Africa

Volunteer work

Especially if you can’t get a work permit like me. Volunteering in South Africa is extremely rewarding, for starters one is far less restrained in regards to ‘do’s and don’ts of being a volunteer.’

I’ve been fortunate enough to get involved almost full time with both a local and national charity and spin off groups from both. It all started after years of sending Christmas shoeboxes to Africa from the UK, when I tweeted to ask if there was anything similar here and I’m now in my 3rd year with www.santashoebox.co.za as a co-ordinator for the Gauteng area. Santa shoebox identifies and delivers 100,000 Christmas gifts throughout the country to deserving and needy children. These gifts are collected from individuals and companies and are checked and delivered by a team of volunteers to schools and homes in townships and areas of deprivation. Pretoria aim to collect and distribute 10,000 boxes this year.

Donated shoeboxes ready for distribution

Through them I became involved with www.kwo.org.za an organisation that runs a home for adults with disabilities, educare facilities, drop in clinics and children’s home. I’m involved in the Children’s home and the workshop.

Through both organisations I have made the most amazing friends and shared some wonderful experiences and this weekend I am sleeping over in a township called Mamelodi, North of Pretoria, taking part in the Mams Art Festival http://www.viva-sa.co.za/ painting shacks.

I’ve been able to use my skills to support these worthy organisations and have learnt new skills such as sewing handbags which I sell to raise funds for @kwo_org.
The Big 5

I can drive 5 minutes from home, traffic permitting, to look for Hippo and Rhino at the local nature reserve or I can drive a further 10 minutes to Groenkloof and go for a walk with the Giraffes.

To see the Big 5, Lion, Rhino, Leopard, Cape Buffalo and Elephants, I need to drive to Pilanesburg, near Sun City. This trip can be done in a day, it’s a 2 drive, but be warned there is nowhere to stop on route. Stopping for a wee on the side of the road is a NO, unless snakes and spiders aren’t a concern to you.

Krugersdorp Game Reserve is a must for a Sunday; make sure you arrive by 11.30am so you can watch the Lions being fed.

Or for a bit more excitement you can take a 5 hour road trip, East, each way, to Kruger National Park. Lodges, out of season, are around R250 pppn. The drive is fantastic, scenery amazing and plenty of rest stops on route for lunch or just a coffee.

Local nature and game reserves are self drive and around R40 pp for entry. Most of the roads are tarmaced so a normal car is fine, watch out for the off road routes as the rain tends to make it difficult to drive and the sun hardens the ground, leaving big ruts that we’ve seen many a car stuck in. Pilanesburg and Kruger offer game drives, it is cheaper to book with the reserve than with a tour guide/agent but still costs around R500 pp. But they do guarantee you’ll see the Big 5. Self drive is not permitted after 6pm and there are fines if you’re not back to the gate in time, or like me I had to wait for over an hour with wild dogs circling the car until a night drive safari turned up and opened the gates to let me out. I’ve not done a night drive yet, but I’ve heard it’s the best time to see the Leopards.

My son learnt to drive in a game reserve and now knows what to do at a Zebra crossing.

What to do at a Zebra Crossing.
Eating Out

The choice of restaurants is varied from traditional steak to Italian. Indian and Chinese restaurants in Gauteng are few and far between, but we’ve found a few take aways. I’ve yet to have a meal or a dining experience I haven’t enjoyed. In some cases it is cheaper to eat out than to cook at home.

For a real taste of Africa it is a must to eat at either Boma or Moyos for an authentic African evening. Drumming, dancing and tribal painting are on offer but don’t overwhelm the diner, there’s no pressure to join in. Make a whole evening of dining or an afternoon with friends for a coffee.

The wine list is ‘divine’ and the cocktails inexpensive. I can personally recommend the Sowetean Toilet. And be warned you will require a doggy bag, I can almost guarantee you’ll not finish your dessert.
Culture and History

Despite South Africa being a modern country, there are so many places to visit. A visit to the Hector Pieterson Museum and Nelson Mandela’s house in Soweto are a must for the history of Apartheid. The Voortrekker Museum provides all the information on the original settlers and the Boar war right up to the present day.

Another must is the Cradle of Humankind, find out where Man originated and the continuing excavations.
A trip to Cape Town via the Garden Route and up Table Mountain to see the views.

Cape Town from Table Mountain

Drive round the Cape of Good Hope. Durban for the beaches and long weekends.
There are cafes and gift shops at every stop. There is also so much to see and do here than we’ve already experienced and I fear we won’t be here long enough to fit it all in.
Everything else

The shopping at the malls is wonderful, clean and tidy and air conditioned. Some malls are all indoors and perfect for a wet day, others are half and half where you can venture outdoors with kids play areas, fountains, beautiful sculptures and decoration, cinemas, restaurants and cafes. You’d never know you were inside a security area. Parking is around R10 a day or even cheaper.

Ice skating at Irene Mall

All the malls contain the larger department and chain stores and a smattering of individual shops and stalls. You’ll also find at least 1 large supermarket.
There are plenty of retail parks, although these offer less in the way of security and parking is free.

Take a trip to Sandton to see how the other half live and a visit to Rosebank on a Sunday for the roof top African market. There are also various Saturday markets selling traditional African crafts and food.

Don’t forget the sporting opportunities. Centurion cricket ground is visible from our house and we’ve seen the 20/20. The wanderers ground for the ODI, SA v Sri Lanka. Ellis Park for the soccer, local team v Spurs and the Rugby SA v UK and finally the eldest boy to Soccer City in Soweto for the AFCON Finals.

Soccer City, World Cup stadium

These are just a few of the things we have done here in South Africa. Started off close to home and widening the circle as time has gone on and we’ve felt more comfortable with our personal security.

Did you hear the one about the UK rental agent?

2013-03-28T14:55:00.000Z

We trusted the rent of our house to a friend in the UK. Three months after we moved in January 2011he found us a tenant and 9 months later he sold the business. But all was good or so we thought, the agent managing the property stayed the same and the rent arrived on time. But in January 2013 I had casue to contact the agent to request an inspection report and to find out why the tenants wouldn't let British Gas in to service the boiler. The owners reply was 'that he will wrap the agents knuckles for not getting back to us' and added:

'The rent payment has also been promised tomorrow and will include January and Februarys rent. '

When we leftthe UK we made sure there was enough money to cover our mortgage for a year, just incase we couldn't find suitable tenants and to be honest I wasn't checking the bank account because, foolishly, I trusted the company to inform me should a payment be missed or made late.

After checking the bank we discovered the last rent was paid the end of November 2012 and no one was doing anything to get this money back for us.

The owner of the rental agency then told us this:

'There is no excuse for our lack of communications over the last few months, which I fully accept has been a absolute failure on our part and I am personally embarrassed to be in this position. Can I assure you the tenants are under no illusion as to their obligations and that we are actively pursuing the outstanding rent to which I hope to have a clearer update for Wednesday evening .'

We then requested that an eviction notice was to be served, regardless of whether the tenants paid up on time or not. It was confirmed by the owner that it was served on February 21st 2013.

The rent was finally paid on February 29th and March's payment was made on the 1st. A new date agreed between the rental company and the tenant, but NOT discussed with us.

I then ask for confirmation that the eviction order is still in place for the tenants to vacate the property by the 25th April. The rental owner then informs me:

'The eviction notice was served and is still active but it came to light today in my meeting with XXXX that he had served it for the 24^th May which is a month later than I had expected.

My apologises again for this delay, but we do seem to have a rent commitment and we will work at the property condition before they vacate. Please accept my assurance that we will monitor the situation closely, continuing to liaise with the tenants and their guarantor until the tenancy expires. We will endeavour to get a new tenant in place with as minimum void period as possible.'

He also informs me:

'Due to issues that have arisen and lack of attention to detail on a number of occasions we have released XXXX from his duties. As of today he no longer works for Fosse House, so I request that all correspondence comes directly through me.'

That was on 5th March.

Today the rental agent sends me a generic email stating that he has sold the Malvern Business and that my new agent is.........wait for it........ XXXX the same bloke he sacked earlier this month for his incompentency.

Now. Now, now and Just now.......

2013-03-28T14:14:00.000Z

When people here say ‘I’ll do it now’ they actually mean ‘forget it’

When people here say ‘I’ll do it now, now’ they actually mean ‘I’ll get round to it, in the near future, as long as you keep reminding me’

When people here say ‘I’ll do it just now’ they actually mean ‘you’ve got a fair chance I’ll get back to you sometime today’

And this is why after a week I’m still without my car. But it’s not just because there was a public holiday last Thursday and most people took the Friday off also, or the fact that the whole country is winding down to a complete standstill for Easter and doesn’t get going until the 8^thApril at the earliest. It’s also because I don’t know how things work here.

On Monday I had a big row with the warranty company because they told me my policy had expired March 17th so of course I went ahead and had the work done. I then discover warranty wasn't signed till April 5th, so they extended the warranty but then said as id already had the car repaired they couldn’t assess it and wouldn’t pay another row and now finally they paid R4000 towards the R6241.50 bill.

So all is good, well actually it isn’t because the garage also informed me that the ignition barrel was damaged and the quote for a new one was R4900.00. So on Tuesday a friend suggested that I call my car insurance company as they were the ones who towed my vehicle.

But for my insurance company to investigate I have to make a claim….now hang on, I have a contract with them, if they sub contract out to local towing firm, that’s still there responsibilty? Surely? I don’t pay part to them and part to someone else do I?

Before towing my car the guy did a vehicle inspection to check for damage, marking 2 cracks in the windscreen and nothing else. He wrote the break down up as mechanical/electrical and sat in the car with the lights on to do this. He requested I emptied out my car before he towed it and I saw him trying to remove my keys from the ignition. He was tugging, pulling and pushing the key. I yelled at him that there was a button to press to release the key, but he ignored me and continued. I walked up to the car, nudged him gently out the way and pushed the button to release the key.

Now my insurance company wants to know why I waited 6 days to report this? Why did I wait so long? Because I didn’t think about phoning them, I had enough going on with the warranty people and being without a vehicle, making me housebound as I can’t use public transport here.

It’s Easter weekend now, my car was towed this morning from the garage by the Insurance Company. I’m going to start taking bets on when I get it back and whether I have to pay and how much.

I guess Saturday 6^th after driving to the garage in desperation and demanding it back, yes I will have to pay and the cost won’t be R4900.00 as quoted because that won’t include labour and VAT and they’ll have found another problem.

But your guess is as good as mine as I'm still dealing with people that say 'I'll do it now'

Do you know what to do when your car breaks down?

2013-03-20T09:21:00.001Z

I do and I don't.

You see things work differently here in South Africa. I know what to do in the UK but what happens here with a break down?

Two years ago my tyre blew at 120k in the outside lane on the N1, when asked by OUTsurance where I was, I said 'on the N1 driving south to Pretoria, no I can't see any signs, but I'm at a toll gate, what does it say on the toll gate?, hang on I'll take a look, it says E tags and cash only' seriously you can read that blog post here.

So yesterday I drive to the fuel station, fill up, pop in the shop, pay the bill and start the car. Dead as a Dodo, zilch, nothing. I've had a flat battery in the past so I get the jump leads out, pursuade a motorist to help, I attach the jump leads and nothing. Another motorist offers his vehicle, again, nothing. So the pump attendants try a bump start and nothing. I park up. The lights work, the electrics on the sunroof work.

I call a friend who is in a building next door as I was on my way to a meeting, she collects me and all my stuff. I leave my details with the manager and I call OUTsurance.

Now I don't want towing home then have to pay for someone to collect my car at my cost in the morning. I don't know a reputal garage I can be towed to and it's 7pm so everywhere is closed. OUTsurance inform me they'll tow my car to a compund for the night then in the morning I can let the tow company know where to take my vehicle. Well I'm still none the wiser, so the guy at OUTsurance asks me how long I've had the car for and when I reply 2 years, he says 'take the car to where you had it serviced.

So this morning I ring the garage, they can take the car, I call the tow ompany and give them the address and the car is delivered. I'm waiting now for the garage to call me to tell me what is wrong and how much it will cost to have it repaired.

So what is the problem I hear you say? Sounds just like how things are done in the UK doesn't it?

But as an expat, here with hubbies work, it's this sort of thing that we should have been given advice on when we arrived. The day I picked my car up, I drove home and thought 'bugger, car insurance, who do I use?' Can you name me a car insurance company in South Africa? and remember this was back when I didn't have a cell, landline or access to the internet. I looked out the window and saw OUTsurance written on the side of a building, I ran over, took the number down and rang them from a phone box on a street corner.

This post isn't sponsored by OUTsurance, I have had problems with them about insurance with personal cover, but that was resolved and they've rescued me twice when I had no other way of getting home.

Dealing with Depression...the first step for an expat

2013-03-14T12:23:00.001Z

Get rid of all the crap surrounding you. Easier said than done. I can't undo being an expat, I can't control how others respond to me, but what I can do is deal with what I've got and tell those that say 'it could be worse' to leave me alone.

\these 5 steps are things I've tried and I am doing....yes it can be hard getting rejection after rejection, but I'm at the stage where I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, there have been new issues chucked at me in recent weeks and some of the prvious problems are no more.

But I WANT things to change and no one else can change them for me, they can help and do it with me, but I need to keep making the effort, I can't rely on everyone having to 'cheer me up' all the time. Life is hard for hubby and the kids also and without further a do, here is my guide to 'cheer up and move on'

1. Talk about it

Easier said than done, family and friends can be jealous, they had no awareness of how difficult it is to make friends when you’re not hanging around the school gates or have a place of work, they don’t think about it, they don’t understand the dangers of South Africa or the cultural differences and the lack of company support.

The first step are to tell people how you feel. Don’t expect them to understand, all you want is acknowledgement not solutions sometimes. Talk it through with the kids, it affects their mood and everyone gets stuck in a downward spiral.

Explain to family and friends by telling them that the sunshine and the ability to dip in the pool does not solve all evils and a that not all expats earn hundreds of thousands of pounds, that’s just a myth.

You will alienate people but they are the types that are holding you back, wanting to see you fail, people who love to hear about your lives and see your photos yet offer little in return in ways of communication, love and support.

2. Don’t feel you have to justify yourself to anyone.

If you smile, laugh or joke don’t feel guilty, just say ‘Today I smiled, I laughed, I joked. Today is a good day and I’m enjoying it for what it is.’

3. Don’t seek alternatives

You can’t ‘snap’ out of it, searching for a replacement is short lived, you’ll end up an alcoholic and double your troubles, gain weight and feel ten times worse.

Embrace what you can do. Are there things you’ve been wanting to try but never had the time for. Sewing, baking, exercising, blogging. You’ll find something even if it does take a long time and then you’ll wonder where you’d have time to fit in your old life you craved for so much.

4. Go see the Doctor

And go again until you see the right one. Ask for medication and don’t be afraid to use it, it doesn’t get rid of the issues, but it does make things easier to deal with.

5. Get out more

Get out of bed and get dressed, do your hair and makeup even if you’re not going anywhere for the day. Even if you live in a compound you can go for a walk, take a cup of tea and a book outside. Smile when people walk past, say hello.

Check your local paper for things that interest you, so what if you go on your own and don’t feel you fit in; you don’t have to go again or even see these people anymore.

Make the most of networking online; join twitter, start blogging, Google keywords to find support and like minded souls. You’re reading this now, so you can do it, you just have to take the lead. Keep a journal; you’ll be surprised when you read it back how far you’ve actually come.

This is one of the unknown skills I discovered and I now use that skill to raise funds for adults in South Africa with disabilities.

Special Needs in Main stream schooling in South Africa

2013-03-14T10:51:00.001Z

I've spent the WHOLE morning googling, I've spent many mornings googling and phoning schools and tweeting and asking and requesting help for my son's education is South Africa.

He is Dyslexic. His school (private) are unable to support him, they even disreguarded his UK assesment forcing us to pay to another one done and guess what? It's the same assessment. They now request we have a new assessment done as the IEB (Independent Education Board) need evidence less than 3 months old.....Do they know something I don't? Has there been a cure since then?

Our most sensible option is to return to the UK. this morning I was chatting to another expat who did just that for their childrens education, but there is no job for hubby in the UK unless he wants to travel Europe Monday - Friday and we don't want a part time marriage. So we nned to explore boarding schools. Our son was at The Downs in Malvern prior to us relocating and the support he had was terrific, but he was at the stage where his next school, Malvern College, and the fees were moving out of our price range and I needed at least another year of my career to be able to fund approx £23,500 per year in fees.

Not being able to work here has removed the option of boarding from us, we don't have rich relatives, nor does hubby as an expat earn the type of money that you hear about. It's a myth. So even if we did return to the UK, it will take me a few years to re establish my career, by which time he will have finished his GCSE's and I wouldn't have been around to provide the additional external support required.

One of his biggest problems is his lack of concentration after his inability to read, write and all the other issues, so all these additional lessons and therapies available out of school hours and at additional, considerable, costs are just not practical solutions.

If you have any experience of the South African education system or of Dyslexia, please let me know as I'm banging my head against the wall while my son continues to fail his school terms.

I cam across this website today. A parent's guide to schooling in South Africa, found a Question that I related to and wept as I read the response:

My daughter has special learning needs. Do regular schools have remedial programmes, or must she go to a special school?

It depends on the severity of the problem and on how well-resourced the school is. In 2010, there were 104 633 children in 423 public special needs schools. There are also private schools for children with severe remedial problems or disabilities.

South Africa has a policy of inclusive education, which includes various models to integrate special-needs children into ordinary schools. However, a lack of resources and infrastructure have meant that this policy has been slow to implement and children who have been mainstreamed don't always get the special education they need.

Some of the better-off schools, both state-aided and private, offer remedial education in one form or another. They employ remedial teachers and run small remedial classes alongside regular classes.

Supporting Adults with disabilities in South Africa

2013-03-13T19:17:00.000Z

Second lot of bags ready for sale. Hubby is back in the UK end of March for a week so if there are any orders he can post them your side to guarantee their delivery.
All bags are hand made by me from recycled material, they cost £10 each + £2.20 p&p.
Tweet me or message me below. All I need is your address, prefernce of bag and I'll send you details on how to pay.

Some of the bags have zips, internal pockets, press stud fasteners, they vary in size, shape and colour. All are fully lined.

Proceeds will be split between @kwo_org to purchase items for the workshop and the rest will go towards my climb in November up Mount Kilimanjaro. All funds from that climb will go directly to @kwo_org

1. Zip and Internal pocket H32cm x W32cm

2. Internal pocket and Popper closure H35cmxW40cm

3. Popper closure H36cmxW40cm

4. Zip H29cmxW38cm

5. Popper closure H28cmxW39cm

No 6. SOLD

7. Popper closure H27cmxW38cm

8.external fastener H28cmxW34cm

9. SOLD

10. SOLD

11. Zip H25cmxW34cm

12. Popper fastener H24xW39

13. Popper fastener H24cmxW33cm

14. Popper fastener H35cmxW39cm

15.Popper fastener H34xW35

16. .SOLD

17. Popper fastener H28cmxW38cm

I can't cope with my depression.

2013-02-26T18:16:00.000Z

If I smile or a make a joke or dare to laugh, it doesn't mean I'm better, it doesn't mean I'm coping, it just means that I smiled, joked or laughed.

Being depressed for me doesn't have me rocking in a corner crying all day. I still do things, go places, talk to people.

Being depressed means I don't cope well when things go wrong, usually things that are out of my control and when something happens it's WHAM, smack in the face and EVERYTHING is brought up to the surface and I can't cope with it.

Mainly these are trivial things like dropping the rice on the floor like I did tonight after hoovering.

It doesn't matter what the cause of depression is, it doesn't matter that you don't understand, saying things like 'it could be worse' are worthless to me right now, because the thought of things getting worse could just be the end of me.

At the moment I'm watching my phone, refreshing my facebook feed, all day, everyday. I need to know if the tenants in our UK house are making the rental payments, I need to hear how my Mother is getting on as she is in hospital.

All I need is a message to say 'no change' They say 'no news is good news' but when you're suffering with depression, no news just means 'no one cares'.

I'm sure everyone thinks that they're doing what's best for you, that they don't want to worry you, burden you. But when you're depressed paranoia kicks in, you can't fight it, it's just there.

I'm writing this blog post to physically stop me smashing my head against the wall, the urge is so strong. It won't do me any good, but if I tell you I have a migraine, you'll sympathise, even if you don't suffer with migraines, you know what pain is like.

If I cut my head open from smashing it against the wall, you'll see that I'm physically hurt and you'll ask how it happened, is there anything you can do to help.

You don't see my depression, so therefore it isn't there for you to ask about. You're fed up of asking me how I am anyway because I'll say I'm fine, because when I'm interacting, when I'm sociallising I am fine or I wouldn't be able to do it.

I'm not looking for your sympathy, a reaction, concern from you. I'm asking you just to remember that sometimes I don't deal with things, sometimes I jsut cry, sometimes I just want to run away and hide until it's all over.

But that's not going to happen so I'll just keep on talking, crying and I may even try rocking in the corner, because I get no pleasure from this.

I just want it to stop.

Do expats ever settle? I am not a failure. I am a success.

2013-02-15T08:50:00.000Z

I'm NOT fullfilled, I'm NOT happy, I've talked about depression and all the other crap that goes with being an #expat.

It's NOT just me, I've reached out to 100's of expats online, via groups (face to face meetings) and it doesn't matter if you're from the UK living in South Africa (me), Japan, Saudi, USA or from any other country living anywhere else. It's bloody hard work being an expat.

Lonely, alien, frustrating, well you'd expect that wouldn't you for the first few months, maybe even a year, But, 2 years on? come on someone please slap me with a wet fish, wake me up, give me Dorothy's red slippers and wave your wand and send me home please.

But home is where now? I've lost friends, people lose interest. They think you are living in Paradise, but they forget you still have the same struggles, health, finances, kids, education etc, etc. But they don't see the other issues you have of not knowing a single person, not being able to get in the car and popping round to see your mum, not knowing how anything works. It's not as if you can ask someone to recommend where you buy your car tax from when it's called something completly different.

Everyone seems to think that the constant sunshine solves all evils and a dip in the pool will cheer me up.

I NEED a job, not for financial reasons, but for self satisification. I volunteer with Adults with disabilities and Children with mental health issues. I work in townships, with children who are orphaned by AIDS, I give and I get short term satisfaction from it. I've learnt new skills, to sew, written a book (needs editing and a publisher) I can name different types of species of birds and antelopes. I have made friends, I've established a network, but I'm still struggling.

Don't tell me to shut up moaning, I have my health, the love of my family etc. " years out of 41 years is a very short time in which to adapt and as an expat there is always the fear that sticks will be uprooted sooner rather than later, a constant feeling of insecurity and imminent change don't just lurk on the horizon, it lives with you.

I've spent two years feeling like a failure. I no longer have a career, can't call myself a SAHM, and if you know me, you'll understand why I don't want to play golf and join the expat wife scene.

Every experience I've had since we moved here has been because of other people. I've certainly made the most of the sunshine, pool, wildlife, voluntary work, holidays, because that's what I do...I survive. But it was all over shadowed by the lack of care, support and help and broken promises. That, I now realise was and still is out of my control. I have made our families transistion to South Africa a success, I had no help, knew no one, knew nothing.

I AM A SUCCESS. I MOVED MY FAMILY 6000 MILES AWAY TO THE BOTTOM OF THE WORLD, TO A COUNTRY THAT IS FAMED FOR ITS VIOLENCE. MY HUSBAND IS ABLE TO DO HIS JOB, MY CHILDREN HAVE A FANTASTIC LIFESTYLE, EDUCATION AND OPPORTUNITIES.

I NEED TO CELEBRATE THAT, NOT MOURN WHAT I'VE LOST....BECAUSE I'VE GAINED MORE THAN I NEVER KNEW WAS POSSIBLE AND OK I MAY FEEL A LITTLE OVERWHELMED BY IT ALL FROM TIME TO TIME AND I HAVE TO ALLOW MYSELF THAT FEELING. WHO KNOWS WHAT MAY COME OF THIS.

Managing children with Special Needs

2013-02-14T15:48:00.000Z

I am prepared to be shot down in a ball of flames for this post and do you know what....I just don't care.

I am a full time step mum to a child (now aged 25) with Special Needs.

I have spent the last 24 years working with people with special needs.

My knowledge and range of experience is far and wide.

Mainstream, special needs schools, family support work, community work. Teaching, child protection, care, support. Autism, cerebal palsy, mental health, physical, learning. Paid, voluntary.

I've been bitten, kicked, punched, had a knife pulled on me, lost someone, been threatened by members of the public, called the police to domestic scenes, attened numerous reviews, funding meetings, been spat at,, been ignored, sat in the guards van, had taxis refuse to pick us up, been removed from buses, had a lock down in the cinema, been banned entry to certain places, asked to leave others.

And why?

because I've been with another member of staff, a parent, a carer that thinks their child, person in their care has the same rights as anyone else at the expense of everyone else.

My child spits, pulls hair, steals your food, will ram you with the shopping trolley. But you will NEVER see me let her do it without some kind of intervention. Be it asking the staff at the Asda cafe to take a table order and given an explanation as to why, upon entering a shop, gently holding her hands as we walk through the door so she doesn't grab someones clothing or hair to steady herself. I smile at people who stare, I stare, I wonder if I've met them, want to tell them I know how hard it is for them.

I dread the second someone tells me how good I am, how they or the neighbour have one like that at home, ask without any recourse 'what's wrong? why are they like that?'. But I smile, I am polite, I give a brief, well rehearsed line and carry on my way.

I do NOT and will never tell you to 'mind your own business' state that 'my child has the same rights as yours and if they want to go on the slide, scream their head off, slap your child, allow my child to bang on your bedroom wall all night and disturb you and your family' and if 'you don't like it, lump it, get over it, my child is special and that means that you have to tolerate it, understand it, not be concerned by it.

My child is special, I have 5 children they are all special and although my step daughter has little awareness of her herself let alone others, it is MY role to protect her, not allow her freedom that could cause her and others damage.

Stop telling other people who have little or No experience of special needs that they are IGNORANT. You're the ignorant one for allowing any child to behave how ever they want, whether you can control it or not without having just a little bit of respect for those around you that just need a quick explanation so they know they're not dealing with some naughty child with bad parents and can then educate their children accordingly.

Oh and for those of you that have tried that and had a negative response, remember that person may have been hit, bit, spat at in the past and no one even said sorry.

What happened when I took Champix

2013-02-13T20:23:00.000Z

I want to stop smoking, I've tried and by day 5 I was biting the heads off small children.

I'm not a social smoker, or one that needs to relax with a cigareete after a meal/work etc. I'm just a nicotine addict of 20 a day for 24 years.

I stopped smoking with the help of Champix in September. After 3 months of taking the pills and not smoking I restarted. Don't know if it was the company of other smokers, the nicotine or a combination of both, so last month I decided to have another go.

Day 22 and on the whole I'm not smoking as much, as in 1 cigarette every few days, but I'll tell you want I am doing......

I'm eating like a horse (TESCO pun in there of your choosing) have put on 9 kilos
I am constipated
I am NOT sleeping
I am crying
I am blaming everyone for everything
I am being negative
I am screaming and shouting at loved ones
I am trying to resolve every issue I've ever faced
I am blaming hubby for feeling like this

Today after a particular tearful phone call and a threat to end everything, interupting hubby from yet another meeting, making him travel 100's miles home. He called me back and said 'STOP THE CHAMPIX you did this last year when you were on them.'

I have a smile on my face, I got up out of bed with ease (it also helped that it was raining and the oppresive weather had cooled.)

I'm sitting here now, drinking tea, blogging, sorting out emails, waiting for hubby to come home. He said that tonight we start talking and we don't stop till all the issues are either resolved, or he accepts that there are some things that forever I will hold against him (doesn't sound much like a good relationship, but we've been through some very hard times), accepts that telling me to move on is impossible as I've never had the opportunity to explore some of these issues with him (hubby is a believer of putting stuff in a box and moving on, I can't till I've dealt with it)

So tonight, quietly and calmly and with the help of CHAMPIX, hubby has finally realised that I can't move on without the opportunity to discuss some key pivitol points in our relationship.

Blogging helps and hubby is fully supportive but for legal and family reason there are just some things I can't or I'm unable to blog about online, for fear of reprecussions, or causing myself further damage.

The first avenue to explore is the 'moving on bit' I have no where to move onto and I need a lot more help with that than I realised.

When did I become a woman in her 40's?

2013-01-31T15:05:00.000Z

June 2011 was when I turned 40 but no one mentioned it until last week

I went to the opticians, I don't need glasses, apparently my eye sight is very good for a woman in her 40's. That afternoon I went to get my eye brows waxed and the beautician said my skin was very good for a woman in her 40's. At least she didn't ask if I wanted my upper lip waxing.

I was mortified, I'm in my 40's, the only way is down now. I've had grey hair on my head since my mid 20's, but down below? Arrrggghh when did that happen? The middle aged spread has spread out of control and I've now worked out a plan to stop it spreading further. I wear factor 50 suncream daily, mind you it's hot here, so stared to rub it on the back of my hands after washing them throughout the day, to reduce the scrawny skin

I don't have bingo wings yet? But have started to wave with my arm by myside in case the time comes when I slap people in the face as they walk past.

I stand in front of the mirror and see my Mum. Not my Mum as she was in her 40's but my Mum as she is now at nearly 70. Mind you if I reach my 70's and look as fab as she does now I will be happy, but I don't want to look like her now.

I never noticed my 30's, I was a young Mum with kids and prior to having them I was never skinny, I've had this set of boobs since I was 15 and despite 3 kids they are pretty much the same size, just shaped differently, with a fair amount escaping around the sides and they do need alot more support than they used to.

I sleep for max 6hrs a night and remember my gran telling me that she used to get 8 hrs nightly but by the time she was in her 70's 4hrs was enough for her.

s there anything left for me to look forward to? I have gum disease, it's hereditary, so good bye teeth. Also gall bladder, thyroid, diabeties, heart disease, but no varicose veins, which I suppose I should be greatful for?

So what next? Nothing I tell you, I'll carry on plodding along married to a fabulous man who at 55 is aging gracefully, as men do (bastard) reminding how greatful he should be to be married to a much younger women (his midlife crisis) whilst deciding on what to do for mine.

Can't afford a sports car......can't keep up with hubby as it is, without the hassle of finding a toy boy, don't fancy a tattoo. *opens the gin*

They call my son a 'Salty'

2013-01-25T07:52:00.001Z

Well it's been 2 years since we arrived from the UK to South Africa. Don't get me wrong I absolutly LOVE South Africa and wouldn't change living here for the world.

It's not SA that's caused the problems, it's the lack of support from a company my Husband has been employed with for 27 years. I've read many experiences from other 'trailing spouse' expats around the world and they've all experienced similar things, commonly that of isolation, lonliness, depression. That has been what's helped me and is moving me forward.

So a lot of thinking has been done over the past few weeks, alot of reflection and moving on, but not forgiveness.

I've moved on in many ways, measured by my achievements, not only was it a difficult process to close down the UK side of things, tenants, bank accounts, change of address, organising shipping etc, it was a million times more difficult to open up SA alone, in a foreign country, not knowing how anything works, where to go, what to do? Do we need TV licences? Is there car tax? what about MOT's etc?

You see I'm British born and raisied and I only know the British way of doing things.....or do I?

I think I've arrived now, understand how things work, have renewed policies, had daily dramas such as emergency ER trips and just got on with normal life, shopping, dental check ups, school runs.

But yesterday I realised I'm actually in 'no mans land' Last week I asked if cheque books were still in use in the UK, many understood and knew that I'd been out of the UK for 2 years and answered, but a few were quite scathing in their reply, almost taking the piss 'ooohhh don't you know?'

I also had to ask about family allowance (I gave mine up when we left). I no longer know or care about the exchange rate, we are paid in local currency and as long as the UK tenants rent covers our actual outgoings it's not a problem.

But I'm still getting confused. I arranged to meet Hubby in Cafe Nero, he was there on time at Mugg and Bean and he didn't even cotton on that I'd mixed the two coffee chains up. I asked the kids to SKY + a programme for me and all hell broke out....'sky + ha ha ha ha ha don't you mean DSTV'? (annoying little brats) I popped out to Morrisons to do the food shop and hubby said 'that was quick' I'd actually been to Pick n Pay. On my last trip to the UK I sat at the fuel station for almost 5 minutes before I remembered I had to fill my own car, pack my own bags in the supermarkets and actually have to reverse out of a car park space without assistance.

There's lots about SA I don't like and could do without, mainly people's inabilities to make firm arrangements and answer queries within any sort of time scale, but I don't miss dirty public toilets, the over crowding, rudeness and agression that I so often witnessed in the UK...but I do miss the snow.

So why do they call my son a 'Salty?'

He has one foot in each Contienent and his Balls are dangling in the sea.

Expat Life

2013-01-20T22:19:00.000Z

I've done a blog post swop, wht's that I hear you ask? Well I write an article for The Expat Hub and they write one for my blog.

After 2 years, I'm still struggling with the points below, but acceptance is coming as I meet more expats and openly discuss my feelings.

Settling in can be hard

Moving abroad and away from friends and family is never an easy decision to make. Everyone moves for their own reasons whether it is because a partner has landed a new job, or simply that you want to retire to sunnier climes. Depending on your circumstances there is a good chance that you will encounter some problems along the way. We take a look at some of the most common problems suffered by expats and how to overcome them.

Loneliness

By far the most common problem reported by expats wherever they are. Moving away from your loved ones and in some cases living in a nation with a completely different language can lead expats to feel isolated and alone. It’s a well known fact that many expats remain hidden inside their homes for the first few months after their move, this is because they find it difficult to socialise and mix with their new neighbours.

The best way to overcome loneliness is to push yourself to try and get involved in the local community, after all what are you going to achieve by hiding indoors all day? Check the local press for clubs and meetings to join. Do volunteer work at a charity or school, anything to get you out and mixing with the world.

The internet is also a great way of making contact with the outside world. You could join our Expathub forum and interact with other expats in similar situations. A problem shared and all that. A good trick that expats use is the fact that when you move abroad nobody really knows you! It’s the perfect opportunity to reinvent your-self.

Cultural differences

The issue of cultural differences when moving overseas is often a problem for expats. Some nations are home to a completely different way of life compared to what you’re used to so it definitely pays to do some research on your destination before you move. By knowing about the culture of your new home you can prepare yourself for the differences and be aware of what will be expected of you if you run into problems.

If you’re even contemplating about leaving your homeland for pastures new then you must be fairly adventurous already. The old saying ‘when in Roma, do as the Romans do’ is just as relevant today as when it was first said centuries ago.

Relationship problems

For any move overseas to be successful everyone involved needs to want it “as much as each other”. While there are very few cases where all parties are pulling in the same direction at the same speed and with the same strength, there needs to be a general consensus that the move overseas is in the best interests of all concerned.

Sadly many expat relationships break up after a fairly short period of time in their new country because one is unhappy or doesn’t share their partner’s enthusiasm. Don’t use a move abroad as a new chance to patch up a relationship, chances are that it will make things worse and you could end up being stranded in a foreign country. Overall if you’re going to emigrate make sure both sides of a partnership want it the same amount.

This article was provided by The Expat Hub the number one stop for expatriates looking for advice, support and information.