Chimpotle

I Get Wet

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 14:35:02 -0500

As a high-level resident of the great city of Lenexa, KS, I am signed up to receive the newsletters and shit released by the city. This afternoon, I received the announcement for this year’s Waterfest being held on August 1st.

Free hot dogs and JoCo moms getting sprayed with firehoses? This is going to be a long two weeks of anticipation.

About a month ago, I wrote about this jackass. At the request...

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:20:14 -0500

About a month ago, I wrote about this jackass. At the request of Owen Morris, I caught the jagoff on video. The soundtrack is set the Get Up Kids and the wife formulating a way to get a better shot. In the two minutes it took us to circle the block, he was both regretably and thankfully gone.

I feel the need to hear this song after my last post. After my...

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 13:21:42 -0500

I feel the need to hear this song after my last post. After my junior year in high school, I was selected to attend the American Legion Boys State of Kansas. They basically throw a bunch of you together for a week and have you put together and operate your own government. It was a great experience that I went back and helped out for the following two years until needing to make money forced me out of it.

During the closing ceremony, they play this song and all of the American Legion members that are around the camp get up as well. I’m willing to bet that it is one of the largest instances of grown men crying in one place each year.

Please, No More National Anthem

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 13:13:08 -0500

Please, No More National Anthem:

Nothing kicks off our country’s celebration of Independence like some media jagoff asking to cease the singing of the the national anthem before sporting events. When one of your major points of reason is that most people don’t know the lyrics, I think that shows just how sad our country is becoming. “I don’t know they words, so stop making me sing it.”

Let’s also not ignore the fact that he doesn’t want to get rid of the national anthem as the title suggests, but replace the Star Spangled Banner with something more “catchy” like God Bless America. God Bless America is awful. Just because something is easier to sing, does not make it a better option. The real problem is that sporting venues will let just about any jagoff get out there and sing. Hey, I don’t need a live version every time.

I’m just severely pissed off that this is one of the first things I got to read after waking up this morning.

mattpayton: This is the best justification for Auto Tune I’ve...

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:47:06 -0500

mattpayton:

This is the best justification for Auto Tune I’ve seen.

Jay-Z might want to rethink his stance for his next album now.

Another new Boulevard. Another pry-top. I’m liking the...

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:19:56 -0500

Another new Boulevard. Another pry-top. I’m liking the trend. As for the beer itself? Most of my pilsner experiences these days involve pouring half a can of V8 into a Miller Lite. That is not necessary here. I will probably keep some handy at the house through the summer months.

This is the actual ringtone on my new cell. Completely badass. ...

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:02:00 -0500

This is the actual ringtone on my new cell. Completely badass. I can send it to you if you have Bluetube.

Is it just me, or do these Rocky-themed flash drives look like...

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 09:03:01 -0500

Is it just me, or do these Rocky-themed flash drives look like they are preparing to get sucked off?

My daughter’s first drag queen experience.

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 08:55:38 -0500

My daughter’s first drag queen experience.

I’m driving 3 hours for this? America’s Favorite...

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:45:00 -0500

I’m driving 3 hours for this? America’s Favorite Dragapella Beautyshop Quartet? Thanks Smokey Hill River Festival.

Diva Cup Redux

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 10:30:59 -0500

Diva Cup Redux:

May’s Machete discusses her voyage into the world of environmental menstruation mop-up. I reach for my vomit bucket.

Do not sit down with a cup of tea to read.

Video

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 07:12:28 -0500

I have no idea who this man is, but I would immensely enjoy...

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:25:46 -0500

I have no idea who this man is, but I would immensely enjoy punching him repeatedly. I’d say at least every other weekend, this fruit is out on the corner of 103rd & Quivera trying to gain attention to the open house on what I can only assume is his home. This has been going on for roughly a year.

At some point, he has to realize that a grown man dancing on the corner with pom-poms has to be costing visits more than it brings them in. That or he’ll get picked up for solicitation.

gorkalimotxo: La esposa de don Emiliano Revilla posando en traje...

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 23:27:00 -0500

gorkalimotxo:

La esposa de don Emiliano Revilla posando en traje de baño.

I think she’d be down for a couple rounds of hide the sausage.

Crunchberries are not real berries

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 16:30:35 -0500

Crunchberries are not real berries: Our society is full of retards.

There’s nothing diva about bleeding for a week and not...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 13:01:33 -0500

There’s nothing diva about bleeding for a week and not dying. There’s especially nothing diva about collecting said blood within your body for the entire week.

Kobe Bryant will be on the cover of 2K Sports NBA2K10. This is...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 09:03:00 -0500

Kobe Bryant will be on the cover of 2K Sports NBA2K10. This is one of the current 4 cover choices. Epic.

100-Meter Dash

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:13:47 -0500

100-Meter Dash:

Tonight, I will be doing the 100m dash for the second year in a row. As a 300lb man, dashing is not really something I do a lot of…if at all. I’m pretty sure it was my blazing 18.4 second performance last year that ensured I would be able to do it again this year.

I’m totally getting down into the 17 second range this year.

Leave it to Fisher Price to create a toy that teaches my...

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:59:28 -0500

Leave it to Fisher Price to create a toy that teaches my daughter not to shit where she eats.

Srsly. Are those supposed to be dirt, food or turd pellets?

So this happened over the weekend. I make Corporate Challenge...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 23:43:01 -0500

So this happened over the weekend. I make Corporate Challenge look good.