Chip's Quips http://www.chipsquips.com A tiny spark of wit for a highly flammable world Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:00:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 47.65526-122.535083chipsquips/dgsghttp://feedburner.google.com Chipping the web: February 8th http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/hRU5CCnrX5I/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2267#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:00:10 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2267 Chipping the web


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]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2264 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2264 Chipping the web: February 1st http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/1QyUAN35Xz8/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2258#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:00:19 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2258 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2258 3 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2258 Slip of fortune http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/mWoZ_QRURDg/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2260#comments Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:07:11 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2260 See full size imageMy youngest son likes to eat a fortune cookie as a snack.  I’ve been trying to put on some weight, so I decided to have one, too.  I popped one out of its plastic wrapper, then crunched the two halves apart.  Pulling out the slip of paper, I anticipated reading some vague prediction that might serve as a not-too-serious guide for my day.  It read:

You will read this and think, “Geez, I could come up with better fortunes than that!”

Truly, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I heard a piece on NPR the other day that claimed that fortune cookies were not Chinese at all.  Rather, they were brought to America by Japanese immigrants.  When the Japanese on the West Coast were interned during Word War II, the Chinese restaurants picked up on the popular oriental after-dinner treats – and that’s how they became associated with Chinese food.

I turned to my son and asked, “So, what did you get in yours?”

“Paper.”


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2260 5 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2260 Chipping the web: January 28th http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/mVcEIsTe2hs/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2254#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:00:01 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2254 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2254 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2254 Chipping the web: January 21st http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/KGjKT1gl9r0/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2251#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:00:34 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2251 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2251 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2251 Ex Cathedra Dumetellae http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/KuwDIy3mEqc/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2249#comments Tue, 19 Jan 2010 19:24:20 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2249 A psychologist told me many years ago that rather than getting out and doing things, I prefer to (as he put it) “sit in the catbird’s seat” and critique all the options.  He may have been right about that, but I’ve often wondered about his choice of metaphor.

Have you ever actually seen any bird… sit?  In a seat?  I don’t know about you, but to me the whole sitting concept seems completely out of the avian character.  Their hip bones just aren’t right for it.  They can blame the dinosaurs for that.  You never see an artist’s conception of a Tyrannosaurus kicked back in a La-Z-Boy, now do you?  No, it’s not working for him.  It might be relaxing for you and me, but for T-Rex it’s just not comfortable.  No place for the tail, arms too short to reach the lever – what was the idiot who designed this thing thinking?

And why a “catbird?”  What does that have to do with smugness?  The catbirds I grew up hearing were so named because they mewed like a cat — that doesn’t sound so smart to me.  What conversation could an intelligent bird possibly want to have with a cat?  Maybe something along the lines of “No birds in this tree, Snowball – I already checked.”  I can tell you, though, if you’re a bird trying to speak Feline, you’d better be sure you have the local dialect down.  You don’t want to accidentally invite Felix and friends over to dinner.

I suppose this post proves the psychologist’s point.  Naturally, Wikipedia has all the answers – if you can believe them.


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2249 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2249 Chipping the web: January 18th http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/jALyyE3bajs/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2246#comments Mon, 18 Jan 2010 23:00:08 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2246 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2246 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2246 Chipping the web: January 15th http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/eMDqCBiwzj0/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2239#comments Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:53:06 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2239 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2239 3 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2239 Four years! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/vkEOfG3Lu6g/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2240#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:20:17 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2240 Yes, it’s my bloggiversary today – four years since the first post here on Chip’s Quips.  While I’m not as ancient and established as some of my fellow bloggers, 48 months exceeds the longevity of the majority of blogs.  It’s as long as the term of office for the US President, which prompts the question: “would you re-elect this blog?”  Sorry, I don’t have any bribes or promises to fix all the country’s woes with which to gain your vote.

Only 191 new posts graced this space over the last year, down from 321 the year before.  Only 42 of those were more than just link posts, so well under one per week.  I’d like to post more, but I’ve just been far too busy with work and other stuff.  I’m not going to beat myself up about that, though.  I write here because I love it, and I don’t want to smother that love with the pillow of obligation.

Despite my reduced posting, our conversations here have generated 743 comments (not counting spam, which was about an order of magnitude greater).  Thanks to all my readers for not giving up on me.

Here were the five most popular posts for the last year, measured in page views:

  1. You can’t handle the truth
  2. My Dad, the phone phreaker
  3. Extreme Snakes and Ladders
  4. I’d add more, but the web already has too much ADD
  5. Backstage humor

And here are my personal favorite five:

  1. Thanks, Wally
  2. The winning season
  3. No harm
  4. Thoughts on MLK day
  5. Newspaper obituary

As you can see, I lean towards the more emotional pieces, even though I’ve been accused of not being in touch with my emotions.  Perhaps that’s why.

Here are links to the three previous annual celebrations.  Onward, into year five!


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]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2237 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2237 Chipping the web: January 3rd http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/NibD-HJvmrQ/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2236#comments Sun, 03 Jan 2010 20:49:25 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2236 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2236 2 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2236 Put 2009 behind you http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/D9-8TOFCfWc/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2234#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:01:42 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2234 image

My wife gave me this lovely picture, with that same caption, from the back of a 2009 puppy calendar.

I just wish he didn’t resemble me so much.image

2009 has been a tough year for a lot of people.  Let’s hope 2010 is a big improvement.  Here’s wishing that to you and yours.


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2234 0 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2234 Chipping the web: December 31st http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/hLo7grWCBnc/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2233#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 21:16:45 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2233 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2233 4 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2233 Chipping the web: December 28th http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/wZMHoY9p2AQ/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2230#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 23:29:37 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2230 Chipping the web


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2230 5 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2230 Thanks, Wally http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/PA_zeDV4FiE/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2223#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 20:41:00 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2223 My Dad, Sterling W. Camden III, always cultivated a reputation for being a bad-ass, even when he was a 125-pound nineteen-year-old Airman Third Class stationed in Germany.  He got into so many fights that his commanding officer decided to teach him a lesson by making him room with Walter Dale Goss – a hulking six-foot four-inch Cherokee who hardly spoke to anyone and spent most of his spare time lying on his bunk staring at the ceiling.

Airman Camden discovered Goss in that pose when he burst through the door, dropped his duffel bag, and took out a piece of chalk.  He drew a line across the floor between their bunks, up the wall, across the ceiling, and down the opposite wall.

“All right, you big mother-fucking Indian,” says Camden.  “You cross that line and I’ll kill your ass.”

Goss turned his gaze from the point on the ceiling towards the scrawny but vehement form that stared death and destruction back in his direction.  He laughed.  “C’mon, I’ll buy you a beer,” Goss said.  And therewith began a lifelong friendship.  Camden found his new giant friend extremely useful, and Goss was happy to have a companion who believed that he possessed “potential.”  They became blood brothers, Camden making much of the fact that he, too, could claim Native American ancestry.

Goss was pretty disappointed to lose his roommate when Camden married my future mother while on leave in the States.   Not long afterwards, Goss left the Air Force to join the Hells Angels, vowing to my father that “you’ll never see me again.”

One evening a couple of years later, Dad was outside our student housing at Syracuse (where the Air Force had him taking Intermediate Russian).  My playpen had been left outside and Dad was struggling to disassemble it in the deepening darkness.  Suddenly a blinding light engulfed him, and behind the flashlight he could just make out a looming figure, from whom boomed a deep but familiar voice: “What the hell are you doing with a playpen, you idiot.”  It was Goss.  He had re-enlisted, and the Air Force had sent him to Syracuse in the Intermediate Russian class right behind Dad’s.

Ever afterwards he became the roving member of our family.  We called him Wally, though he was variously known by others as “Walt” or “Dale”.  He’d visit once a year or so, always with some new adventure under his belt.  Once he had driven to Alaska and back in his Austin-Healey convertible.  His idea of trip-planning was to draw a line across the map from his point of departure to his destination, using a ruler, and then follow it as closely as possible.  The Healey was covered with mud, and Dad asked, “Don’t you ever wash that thing?”  Wally replied, “I let God wash it.”

Dad wanted to drive the Austin-Healey.  Wally got in the passenger seat, and they took off down the Pittsville Road.  When they neared the sharp left curve at Jack Mason’s Garage, Dad glanced down at the speedometer: 80.  He cut to the inside of the turn just as a ‘57 Ford popped into view from the other direction.  Dad cut back to the outside, sliding through the gravel of Jack’s parking lot (sending Jack running for cover).  He skidded back onto the road and continued as if nothing had happened, except for the adrenalin shakes that kicked in along the next straightaway.  And for as long as Wally owned the Healey, it bore the imprint of Wally’s ten fingers in the passenger side of its padded dashboard.

When I was five, Wally visited on leave from the Viet Nam War.  He brought us gifts from Thailand.  Mine was a real Siamese sword with a blade almost two feet long.  Wally handed it to me and said, “Here, kid – go get your sister.”  So I unsheathed it and ran after Roanna, who screamed through the house while Dad and Wally lay on the ground laughing as hard as they could.  My mother finally stopped me.  I still have that sword.  I keep it in my office in case of Ninja attack.

My sister Roanna, who was four, had a crush on Wally.  She informed him that she would marry him one day.  “Forget it, kid.” he replied.  “By the time you’re grown, I’ll be old, fat, and bald.”  “But Wally,” said my sister, “you’re already old, fat, and bald” — at which point my father spewed his beer across the room.

One Thanksgiving, Wally arrived with a huge turkey.  Naturally, Dad made all the appropriate wisecracks about the Indian joining us pale-faces for Thanksgiving.  We had a huge feast, and for dessert Mom offered pie.  “Is it homemade?” asked Wally enthusiastically.  “Why, Yes!” responded Mom, as she began to cut a large slice for him.  “Oh, I don’t want any then” said Wally.  We all laughed, but Mom made sure that he didn’t get any.

I believe Wally was there the Christmas that Dad shot Santa.  Wally introduced me to Heinlein, his motorcycle, and his .357 magnum.  Dad always said there were two things about Wally that were never adequately explained: why the Air Force had always allowed him to carry that .357, and why they allowed him to fly while wearing contact lenses when he was legally blind in a number of states.

Dad and I drove to Texas to visit Wally when he became an officer.  It was a trip I’ll never forget.

Wally met his second wife in Crete – Geraldine Andrews, who is full-blooded Irish from Dublin.  She instantly became another member of our family.  She accompanied my mother and us kids to church once –Geraldine had never been to a Methodist church before (she being Catholic, of course), but she was warmly greeted by a congregation that was about 80% Andrews – many of their ancestors having emigrated from Scotland and Ireland centuries before.

I lost contact with Wally and Geraldine when I went to college, and didn’t see Wally again until my father died.  The next day, as my sister Roanna and I drove to the airport to pick up my sons for the funeral, Roanna suddenly asked me if I maybe thought that…

“.. that Wally helped Dad out?” I interrupted.

“Yes!” said Roanna.  “He didn’t tell me so, but you know that the agency trained them how to do it so you couldn’t tell.’”

“Last night Wally told me that he had come close to killing Dad back in 1972” (That was when Dad had set himself down to drink himself to death).  “I wondered at the time why he volunteered that information.  Well, if he did it, then I’m thankful.”

I never asked Wally about that.  We’ve corresponded by email over the years, but I’ve never seen him in person again since Dad’s funeral – and I never will.  I received a message this morning that Wally passed away.  He went peacefully, I heard – and for that, I’m thankful.


]]> http://www.chipsquips.com/?feed=rss2&p=2223 6 http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2223 Chipping the web: December 21st http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/chipsquips/dgsg/~3/scnD6BRCKCM/ http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2219#comments Mon, 21 Dec 2009 23:00:30 +0000 Sterling Camden http://www.chipsquips.com/?p=2219 Chipping the web


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