Choose Joy, Inc.

Everybody Needs Somebody

2008-06-02T03:23:00.000-07:00

The past 6 months have been extremely difficult for me, probably some of the most difficult times I have ever had. I've had a full hysterectomy, double mastectomy and then, three days after completion of my recovery, I lost one of the most cherished people in my life, my mother. My mom’s unconditional love taught me to be honest with my emotions.

During the week of her funeral, I realized something about myself. Many people grieve privately. They appear very tough and appear to those around them, to be in complete control and unaffected. These people put on a public persona and handle tough times themselves, while I am more open with my sadness. As my husband says, I wear my emotions on my sleeve.

I have always been one to talk about and share my honest emotions. I believe my sister sees this as being weak or complaining. That is not at all what I am doing. I prefer to verbalize my emotions. This allows me to be real and be able to heal. I feel like it is easier to deal with hard times when I am letting those around me understand and support me. I have certain friends that I can be “real” with and share how I am feeling. They in turn know what they can expect from me. Friends are meant to support each other and I am so fortune to have a huge network of support.

It is okay to have weak moments. This does not mean you are a weak person. It is important for people to realize if they actually turn to those that love and support them in the tough times (because there will be tough times) then they will weather their crisis’ and stay stronger in the end. Having support from friends can often make it easier for you to learn from the tough times or maybe find good in the bad.

Our friends are gifts that are there to help us carry our crosses. Lean on those around you. Don’t try to weather your storms alone. To do so may break you down in the end. It is all too often that people break because they are busy trying to appear tough and unaffected. They think this will make them stronger when in the end it may actually do just the opposite. People often want to look like all is okay when maybe, if they let their friends know how they are really feeling, it would make their friends love and respect them even more.

Friends love to help friends so don’t try to weather your storms alone. Think about the words to the Keith Urban song, “Everybody” where he sings, “Everybody needs somebody sometimes."

Judy Goetz, VP Choose Joy, Inc

Directions to Joy

2008-05-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

Last month, I took my kids to Atlantic Beach for a little rest and relaxation. I hadn’t been to Atlantic Beach before, so, not knowing the way, I got onto my computer and pulled up Mapquest. I entered our hotel’s address and within seconds, my screen displayed the turn-by-turn directions, as well as a map, for our drive. Mapquest noted that our drive time would take approximately 3 hours. But since we had the entire day to get to the beach, I thought it might be fun to spend some of the day seeing interesting sites along the way. I wasn’t sure what those sites might be, but I was hoping Mapquest could locate some for me. And sure enough, there on the screen was a selection labeled “routing options”. I was hoping for an “interesting sites along the way” option. But when I clicked on the link, the only options presented were “shortest time” and “shortest distance.”

Shortest distance and shortest time. Those were my options. Did I want to get there fast or did I want to get there by the shortest path? I wanted neither. I wanted to get there, but I wanted to have a bit of fun along the way. The mapping tool assumed that I wanted to get to my destination the same way as everyone else – fast or short. But I didn’t want to get there fast or short. I didn’t want to get there like everyone else. I wanted to get there the way I wanted to get there.

How much of our life is like the mapping tool? While we know that we want the destination of our life to be happiness, how many of us realize that there are options as to how we get to our destination – options that are as individualized as we are. How we get to the destination of happiness is different for all of us. And it is because of this individualized route that many of us never fine true happiness, or as I prefer to call it, a joyful life. Instead, we live a life driving down the same roads as everyone else, assuming that we are on the road to joy.

We mistakenly assume that what brings on a joyful life is the same for everyone. We assume that those things are money and fame. But does having a lot of money or being famous guarantee happiness? Just take a look at some of the richest, most famous people in the world. They marry and divorce. They do drugs. They have affairs. How happy do you think those supposedly happy people are?

My mother was sure that if she won the lottery, she would be the happiest person in the world. After spending her adult life living with my alcoholic father, my mother had a lot of “issues” – issues with her self-confidence, issues with her weight, issues with teaching me and my brother and sister how to feel good about ourselves. But she was sure that if she could only win the lottery, all of her “issues” would disappear. Of course they wouldn’t have; if she had managed to win the lottery, she would have simply been a very rich woman with a lot of issues.

Joy is not having a lot of money or fame and it’s not about doing the same things as other people. Joy is the feeling that can only come from within you. Joy is the knowledge that your life is good, without having a lot of money or fame and without doing the same things as other people. Joy is deciding what is important to you and then acting on the things that are important. Joy is the choice to say, do and think in a way that supports what is important to you. Joy is driving on the road you want to drive on regardless of what road everyone else is driving on. Joy is beautiful. Joy is a choice. Joy is your choice. Choose joy!

Sonya May
President, Choose Joy, Inc

My Mom - My Hero

2008-05-06T03:23:00.000-07:00

Today I sit down to write my first blog for Choose Joy and I am overwhelmed with the possibilities of choices I have on what subject to actually blog about first. I have many things I want to write about but I think the first thing I want to do is tell you a little about myself. Maybe this will gain a little insight on just who I am and how I have come to be where I am today.

I was born and raised in Topeka, KS. I am the youngest of five. My parents were both hardworking individuals who provided well for our family. My father was a violent alcoholic and my mother an absolute saint. What she endured from my father’s drinking is beyond my comprehension. I never understood how she could love him but she did more than that - she managed to teach the five of her children to love him as well!!

My mother is a rock without knowing it. She is the glue that held us together. She would be up late at night (sometimes all night) being belittled, badgered and even swung at, then she would get ready and leave the house by 6:30am to go to the hospital where she was a nurse - a very good nurse too. I don’t know how she did it, being up all night, protecting her children and then going to work with a smile on her face and caring for very sick people…people that were dying of cancer. How is it that she didn't hate my father for the abuse that he put her, and our family, through while perfectly innocent people lay suffering and dying.

My mother honored and loved my father. She took her vows of “in good times and bad” to heart. And all the while that I was growing up I thought she was crazy. I didn’t understand why she took it, how she could take it. Why didn’t she leave him? Why couldn’t we all get away from him? I was, at times, very angry with her that she didn’t leave him and give us a better life. What could any of us possibly gain by being victims of this man’s drunken binges where he would swear profusely at us, calling us names that you wouldn’t believe?

It was not until I was older that I even began to find the good in my mother’s loyalty to my father. Because of what she endured all those years, my mother is now my biggest role model, my greatest teacher, and my hero. I now know today that had my mother not stuck it out, I would not be the person I am today. I am so much stronger because of what I went through as a child and what I watched my mother go through. She taught me to love unconditionally. She is the reason that I can find the good in the bad. She is the reason that I know I can do anything. And she is the reason that I know that love does endure and is worth it!!

So on this week before Mother’s Day I just want to say to my role model, my confidant but most importantly my MOM….Thank you, for inspiring me to live with JOY…Regardless!!!!!!

Judy Goetz
VP of

Basketball and Life- It's All the Same Game!

2008-03-21T04:48:00.000-07:00

March is one of my favorite times of the year – the trees are blooming, the air is warming and the balls are bouncing – the basketballs that is! March is NCAA tournament time! I’m from Indiana and if there’s one thing we Hoosiers love, it’s basketball! We’re taught to love it from any early age, just like we’re taught to read and write. I’ll never forget that night in 1987 when the IU Hoosiers won the final game. I was a senior at a smaller university in Southern Indiana and a friend and I were passionately cheering the team on to victory as the last snow of the year bucketed down outside. When the final buzzer rang, declaring the Hoosiers, the champions, my friend and I wanted nothing more than to run out to our car and drive straight to Bloomington to join in the celebration. But we both remembered what our mothers would say as we looked out at the six inches-and-growing snowfall outside and decided to stay put. We celebrated right where we were – all night long. We loved basketball. We loved our Hoosiers. And we were happy!!

I moved away from Indiana over twenty years ago, but Hoosier Hysteria is still part of who I am. And when March approaches, I anxiously look forward to watching a plethora of great ballgames. I love the squeak of the shoes on the hardwood. I love the hurried talk of the announcer as the ball goes inside. I love the long roar of the crowd when a three pointer is hit. But what I really love is watching a well-coached team work together like one brain with five pair of shoes. Each one of the five players know their role. Each one of the players know what to do and where to go when a play is called and they know what to do when the defense responds in certain ways – set a pick, kick outside for the three, pass into the paint, alley-oop over the middle. To me, watching a good basketball team is a watching a thing of beauty.

As a sat down today to watch the first round of the tournament, I realized for the first time how much a basketball game is like life, more particularly, the life of my family. I have a great family – a supportive, loving husband and three kids who are not only incredible people now, but who I know will grow into incredible adults. And then there’s me – wife and mother – roles I take very seriously and work harder at than any “paying” job I’ve ever had.

Just like a basketball team is on a mission to win a game – my family is on a mission to win also. But our goal isn’t to win a game, it’s to win at life. Now, of course my family isn’t out to “beat” anyone else. To us, winning at life means enjoying life, making the most of it, living it and loving it to the greatest of our abilities. We go about “playing” our “game” in many ways similar to the way a basketball team goes about playing their game – we work hard to understand our teammates’ strengths and weaknesses. We’re there to pick our “player” up when they fall. We delight in our successes together and cry together when we suffer a loss. We work together as a team, accepting that the game is not just about us, but about our team. We know we can’t always take every shot, but need to pass the ball off sometimes – we know that we can’t always have our own way or do, and have, everything we want, but that we have to make sacrifices for the success of the team – our family.

And just as a basketball team has an opponent who tries to keep it from its goal of winning the game, I feel like my family has opponents who try to keep us from winning at ours’ – the media tries to tell my children what they should be doing or wearing. Classmates try to tell them that it isn’t cool to be so close to their family. People without the same morals as us try to sway us from doing what we know is right.

Every day is a new game and every day we face new opponents. But our team is strong – we huddle up and remind each other about how we play our game and what our ultimate goal is. We don’t hold grudges or get angry when one of our players misses a shot – that is, get’s a little off track. We’re there to pick that player up, give him some encouragement, and tell him to get back out there and give it another try. We are a team. We are strong. We know what our goal is! We will win. We will be victorious! We will do the dance of celebration together! We are family!!!!!

And one more thing … GO UNC!!!

Sonya May, President, Choose JOy, Inc

Chocolate - The 5th Food Group

2008-03-04T09:32:00.000-08:00

I love chocolate. It’s as simple as that. I love it pretty much any way it comes – in cakes, in cookies, in milk, in brownies, out of my children’s Halloween candy bags after they’ve gone to bed at night. To me, chocolate is pretty much the best thing ever created. If I could, I’d eat chocolate for every meal of the day as well as morning and afternoon snacks. And, of course, I’d eat it for dessert! But I don’t. Why don’t I? Why don’t I eat chocolate instead of anything else? I certainly like it more than anything else. And I feel happier when I’m eating chocolate that when I’m eating anything else. So why don’t I eat exclusively chocolate and nothing else?

Of course we all know that answer to that one – actually there are many reasons that I don’t eat exclusively chocolate even though I would like to:
· We all know about the food pyramid and last time I looked, chocolate wasn’t on it. There’s fruit, vegetables, meat, fish and so on and so on. But no chocolate.
· If I ate only chocolate, I’d probably balloon up in size until I was bigger than the state of Montana.
· My health would suffer. As much as I would like to ignore the facts, I definitely remember learning in junior high about the need for vitamins and minerals in order to promote healthy living.
· What would I do about feeding my kids? While I’m sure that they would love to eat chocolate right along side of me, I wouldn’t dare think of feeding only chocolate to them. I’m their mother and I’m supposed to be looking out for them.

Basically, I don’t eat only chocolate because the fact is, it’s not good for me. Agghh! I hate that fact! But yet that’s the plain and simple truth. Everyday, I make a choice to eat the foods that I know are healthy so that I can live a healthy life. That’s not to say that I don’t throw a bit of chocolate in their every now and then, but my diet is mostly dictated by our good friend, the food pyramid. Every day I make a choice about what I eat based on the type of life I want to life. I want to live a healthy life so I eat healthy foods.

The daily choices I make aren’t reserved exclusively for the type of food I eat, though. I make a multitude of choices every day that have to do with a lot more than just food. I make choices in how I speak to my children. I make choices about what kind of friend I am. I make choices about either holding a grudge or forgiving. I make a choice whether or not I kiss my husband when he leaves for work in the morning. Choices are before me every second of everyday. I make a choice about whether to buy the name brand purse. I make a choice about whether to watch TV or play a game with my kids. I make a choice about returning the five dollar bill someone dropped or slipping it into my pocket.

When I know that I want to live a healthy life, I make the choice to eat primarily healthy foods. When I know that I want to be a patient loving mother, I make the choice to speak to my children in a patient, loving way. When I know that I want to be an honest person, I speak and do the honest thing, even when no one is watching. The choices we make must support the life we want to live, for it is the choices we make that give us the life we live. Now granted, we can’t always make the perfect choices all of the time. We lose our temper and speak to our kids in a harsh tone. We want to be a little frivolous and splurge on the expensive dress. We’re grouchy with our husband, so we don’t kiss him when he heads out the door. I want to indulge in my biggest weakness so I eat some chocolate.

The beautiful thing about choices is that there is always another one waiting to be made. When I indulge in chocolate, I make the choice to not get frustrated with myself and condemn my life to one of being unhealthy. I know that the next thing I eat will be a healthy choice. After all, I say that I want to live a healthy life, so after an unhealthy choice, I need to make a healthy choice. Perhaps in addition to eating a healthy choice, I’ll increase my exercise.

Let’s say that I was grouchy with my husband and didn’t kiss him as he headed out the door. The next second holds a new choice for me. I can call him and apologize for being grouchy and kiss him twice when he returns home. Every second is an opportunity to make a new choice. And the choices you make should reflect the life you want to live. Make the choices to give you the life you want to live. As for me, I’m off to eat a bit of chocolate followed by a nice long walk!

Sonya May
President, Choose Joy, Inc

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes....!

2008-01-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

... so begins the refrain of the David Bowie song, "Changes." There are some other great lyrics in that song, but it occurred to me that at the beginning of a new year this simple one word phrase is especially popular. Changes.

When New Years Day hits everyone is motivated to, well, makes changes in their lives. Or at least make resolutions to make changes in their lives. (By the way, I'm not sure most people know what resolution means, but that could be an entirely different blog topic.... ;^) And you know the usual ones that we've all made and/or heard year-after-year: get in shape, spend more time with family, get a better job or receive a promotion, etc.

There are several things I observe year-over-year, without fail:

The resolutions most people make are high-level / grandiose things. Great dreams to be sure!!! But these tend to be either easy to achieve (if you cheat in your measurement) or nearly impossible to completely achieve...
A person often make the same resolution year-after-year and never completes/achieves it. If it is THAT important, why not? After all, it's a resolution, something you are determined to do.
Typically folks do nothing more than state and briefly think about their resolutions while celebrating with friends and raising a glass of champagne. Real contemplating doesn't go into deciding what resolutions to make and, once made, are quickly forgotten.
People seem to make resolutions that they think others expect them to make. While indeed there are some things we all probably want to achieve, there are certainly things that are unique and deeply important to us each individually.

Well let's talk about another Ch-ch-ch-ch word: Choose.

It is obvious that YOU choose the resolutions you make. You also have the power to make all the choices to accomplish those resolutions that are truly important in your life! And which ones ARE important? Which are those that are inline with your goals and desires, not what everyone else is doing? Those that bring joy in your life, those that impact areas that you passionately care about?

If you can readily answer those questions with some degree of detail, I'll contend you are probably accomplishing most of what you've resolved to do (and are also a rarity ;^)! Most people, myself too sometimes, aren't quite so productive with their resolutions.

When we make resolutions we need to actively and positively think about what brings us feelings of satisfaction, success and joy. These should be written down, and not be an incredibly long list (which can often seem insurmountable). A half-a-dozen items that are core to who you are, what you want to achieve in life, and how you foresee changing to accomplish meaningful things this year.

Now, what are the choices you need to make throughout the year to fulfill your personal plans? Jot down specific decisions and actions that you will choose to do this year to enable your resolutions to be realized. Let me use those three examples of not-so-great resolutions from the beginning of this blog article (maybe they really are what you are most concerned about and achieving them will provide joy in your life), and propose what might be a better...

Get in shape: Health is important to living a long life and being in shape allows me to better accomplish other things I care about. I am going to join a health club before February 1st. I'm going to talk to knowledgeable people there and learn how I can effectively achieve better health through exercise and nutrition. I will change habits as necessary (no more ice cream right before going to bed) and make time to do this (exercise 3 times a week) because it is important to me and those who love me.
Spend more time with family: Time with family is the thing that brings me the most joy in life. Yet often I realize it takes a back seat to work, volunteer activities, etc. I will make specific plans, perhaps going so far as to schedule it in my planner, to be home for dinner. I will not check my email from my phone when I'm at the Circus with my kids. ;^) I won't use vacation days to do projects around the house. My kids will be out of the house one day and my friends may move away, so I will enjoy and maximize the time I have with them.
Get a better job: I like what I do, am good at it, enjoy the people with whom I work, and provide good financial support for my family. However, it greatly reduces the time I have at home (due to both long hours and travel), and also, aside from providing income, does not lead me down the road to accomplishing those things that are most important to me in life. I will look for other positions in my current company that might provide experiences that are more in line with my desired direction. I will contact outside people who know me well, letting them know what I am really interested in doing and asking them to keep me in mind if they hear anything. I will identify and pursue education that may be required to enable me to get another position I seek.

I think you get the idea. You see that if someone really considered and acomplished those three resolutions what an awesome achievement it would be!

So, what resolutions did you make this year? (And remember, it's never too late to make them and/or change them...) Are the choices you are making ones that will lead you to achieving what you set out to do so you can thrive this year? When New Years Eve comes next year envision yourself celebrating an incredible year of accomplishment and moving on to even better things!

Here's to joyful ch-ch-changes in ALL aspects of our lives in 2008!

Bill May
Co-Founder
ChooseJoy, Inc.
Bill@ChooseJoy.com

Witnessing a 'Last'

2007-12-24T21:03:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas Eve – the kids are tucked in and the presents are wrapped. As I sit next to the glowing fireplace, I reminisce about the years of Christmas photos taken in this very same spot. There was the scene over 10 years ago – my just-turned-three-year-old daughter trying desperately to keep her new baby brother in an upright position for the camera. Then, a couple of years later when she struggled again with her new baby sister. My favorite was the one where all three wore matching Rudolf outfits. And I can’t possibly forget the one where my four-year-old son didn’t want to have his picture taken and insisted on covering his eyes with his hand. So as I sit her tonight, part of me giggles as I think about the wonderful memories we’ve made in this spot. But the other part of me feels weepy in the knowledge that in four short years, my oldest will go off into the world, making a life of her own and will likely have her own Christmas picture in front of her own fireplace. All of these thoughts remind me of just how quickly my life is flying by and how very important it is to cherish ever second if it.

I was reminded of this fact again last week. My kids had begged me to take them to our neighborhood ice rink. “Ice skating,” I thought. “That sounds like fun!” But reality smacked me in the face as I remembered all of the shopping I still needed to do, all of the cookies I still needed to bake and all of the presents I still needed to wrap. So, my first instinct was to say, “No, I have too much to do.” “Too much to do.” Honestly, there’s always too much to do though, isn’t there? But what good is all of the “doing” if we don’t have time to do the things we want to do – the things that make us happy? I wanted to take my kids ice skating – it would make me happy. What exactly was the point of all of the shopping, baking and wrapping in the first place? We do these things for the sole purpose of making others, and ourselves, happy. Ice skating would make my kids and me happy, so why would I sacrifice this happiness now for happiness hopefully gained in the future from all of the shopping, baking and wrapping?

Holiday happiness was looking me in the face, asking me to take them ice skating, so I took them ice skating. And I was glad I did for I was reminded once again to enjoy and cherish every second of my life.

The kids had just been skating for about an hour when they noticed Santa arrive.

“Santa!” I heard them cry. “Let’s go see him!”

While I expected this enthusiastic response from my seven-year-old daughter, I was surprised to hear equaled excitement from my 10-year-old son.

The kids hurried off of the ice and up to where Santa sat, greeting children. When it was my son’s turn, he eagerly approached Santa and settled himself onto Santa’s knee. My mind was thrown back eight years ago as it remembered delighting in the sight of this same child sitting on Santa’s lap for the first time. I remembered feverishly snapping photos, wanting to capture every aspect of this ‘first’ for all eternity. The ‘firsts’ always seemed so very important – the first step, the first bite of real food, the first time without training wheels. But what about the ‘lasts’? The last time using a fat pencil, the last bath in a baby bathtub, the last ‘Mommy’. We don’t know to cherish the ‘lasts’ because as they are happening, we don’t yet know that they are a ‘last.’ But as I watched my son, my big 10-year-old son whose feet used to dangle playfully at the side of Santa’s legs but now rested comfortably on the floor, I realized that I was very well witnessing a ‘last’. My son was thoroughly immersed in the magic of Christmas and the thought of shopping, baking and wrapping almost caused me to miss it. Feeling as I had just been given the biggest gift of the season, I blocked out every sensory distraction except for the scene of my son with Santa. I watched, trying to etch every detail of the scene into my memory – the way my son nodded hesitantly when Santa asked him if he’d been good this year, the way he looked down at his shoes while reciting his wish list for fear of looking overly confident by looking directly into Santa’s eyes, the way the corners of his mouth turned up in a little smile when Santa patted him of the back and said that he was sure my son was a very good boy, and the look of gratitude my son gave as Santa handed him a candy cane and wished him a merry Christmas.

My son slowly stood up and while walking back to me, he glanced once over his shoulder and saw Santa, saw the magic, perhaps for the last time.

Warm pools of gratitude and love formed in the corners of my eyes. The shopping, baking and wrapping could wait. This was happiness. This was joy. This is what Christmas is all about. This is what life is all about – enjoying and cherishing every moment, valuing every moment for what it holds. Sometimes it’s a simple request to go ice skating that reminds me to experience the joy of today instead of planning for the joy of tomorrow. For the joy of today may never present itself again. Merry Christmas.

Sonya May
President, Choose Joy, Inc

Know How Good You Have It - Even When Things Seem Hard!

2007-12-09T22:43:00.000-08:00

I have an Electrical Engineering background and in the past did technical sales for a Silicon Valley-based software company. Every year the Sales organization got together in a different city for meetings and team-building activities. These events served to educate us on new products, taught us how to beat the competition, and reinvigorated our minds and attitudes as we strived for that all-important-goal of making revenue numbers. We left focused on business and I suspect most of us simply didn’t have – or make – the time to think much about all the joyful things in our lives.

In July 2000 our yearly meeting took place in San Diego, California, on the other side of the country from my home and family in Cary, North Carolina. After spending a week with hundreds of fellow employees working and playing hard I’m always anxious to get home, although it always seems to be an ordeal. This year was no different than others, with a plane breakking down, being bumped off a flight, missing connections, running - really! - through the airport, and ulmitely getting home 8 hours late at 3:00am.

But I was jazzed and savoring life as I pulled into my garage in the wee hours that morning! Why? THAT is the important part of the story...

On my flight from San Diego to St. Louis there were all these kids - probably in the 10 to 15 year old range - who had matching white shirts with something like "TWA San Diego Teen Trip 2000" silk-screened on them. Additionally there were lots of different personalized handwritten notes written all over each one's shirt - things like "Bonita, you're the best... it was a pleasure getting to know you... keep that smile going for all the world to see…." You get the idea. I immediately assumed it was some sort of youth conference, maybe associated with student government, or perhaps some sort of church-related activity, or even an event to expand the horizons of youth somehow related to TWA (after all, St. Louis is a big TWA hub and the shirts did have TWA on them). A few adults also wore the shirts and helped ensure the kids were all situated before take-off; naturally these would be the chaperons for the bunch I assumed.

They all appeared quite friendly. Some listened to their Walkmans, others read books or did word searches, and many simply held bubbly conversation among themselves. As far as I could tell, all carried some sort of beverage, and the standard seemed to be green Gatorade. For the first hour of flight I simply made these various observations. I was in an aisle seat and the traveler next to me was neither associated with the group (at least she didn't have on the requisite shirt), nor awake to do much talking. I worked on my laptop, read some of a book, and occasionally took in what was going on in the aircraft around me. During take-off one of the kids about five rows ahead of me had apparently gotten sick, so the stewardess had to bring some paper towels. At one point they asked Nurse Smith* (I can't remember what the real name was) to ring their call button. Somebody instantly did, the stewardess pointed back to the where the sick child was sitting, a guy got up wearing the matching white shirt, and came and swapped places with person next to the boy. Okay, good idea, I thought, they even made sure one of the parents / volunteers / chaperons had some medical training.

Then the captain came on the intercom and introduced himself as Captain so-and-so. But he didn't follow it with any of the usual "I'm assisted by First Officer Jones," or "our flight time to St. Louis will be 4 hours 18 minutes," or " during our flight today we'll be passing over the Grand Canyon..." He said something I will never forget: simply "We have some special people on-board with us today." I stopped what I was doing and paid keen attention. He added "And I'd like to read all their names: Adam, Bonita, David,..." He continued on and told me the first names of about 15 people flying with me on that plane - 15 children dressed in white shirts with take-on-the-world hopes penned on them.

I wasn’t sure where this was going, but it sounded like he was going to fill in some details about what this group was all about... I only remember a few key phrases of the rest of his dialog to us: "... spent the last few days enjoying the sites and activities in San Diego...," "... program which helps to fulfill wishes....," "... won't be in this world as long as the rest of us..."

Yep. Apparently these vibrant people I'd been observing were terminally ill children. I couldn't hear specific words, but I could tell those seated two rows in front of me on other side of the plane were excited, pointing out to each other how the pilot had mentioned their names and was talking about them. They spoke and laughed about a few more things and then put their headphones back on or immersed themselves in the printed words before them. I, on the other hand, sat there kind of transfixed, my eyes focusing on nothing... I didn't know what to think or do. I did want to be home then. I wanted to see and hug my family more fervently than ever. I felt those feelings as strongly as I ever had, yet I was more at peace than I'd been for years.

That was over seven years ago, yet I think about it often enough that it seems like yesterday. I don’t know what became of any of the kids I flew with that day; I wish now I’d made a point to talk to some of them and I hope and pray they are all doing well. It was an event that helped super-charge my focus on striving to constantly look for the joy in life. With the experience were two key messages: (1) One's attitudes and choices really define the way a person lives and (2) Sometimes we need an awakening slap in the face to remind us of the much worse things a lot of people go through.

Life is indeed good and to be savored. Choose to make yours joyful every day!

Bill May
Co-Founder
ChooseJoy, Inc.
Bill@ChooseJoy.com

Live Like You Were Dying

2007-12-03T03:20:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in my warm house, wearing my snuggliest PJs, typing this entry, a very dear friend of mine sits at home, waiting. She’s waiting to wake tomorrow – that is if she is able to sleep at all tonight – and drive to Duke Medical Center where she will undergo a full hysterectomy. As difficult as this night will be for her and as apprehensive as she is about having the surgery, she’s ready to get it over with. She’s ready to get every female piece removed from her body that could be plagued with the evil enemy of cancer. You see, last month, she found out that she has ‘the cancer gene’. Not that I know much about ‘the cancer gene’, but I know it doesn’t sound good! And from what my friend tells me, it’s definitely not a good thing! So after she fully recovers from tomorrow’s surgery, the doctors will perform a double mastectomy on my dear friend.

While my thoughts this evening are heavy with concern for my friend and hopes that the surgery will go well, my mind wanders and thinks about the many other women who have gone through the same experience, as well as the women who’ve actually not just had ‘the cancer gene’ but had ‘the cancer’. Some of them became survivors and some lost the fight. But one thing is certain for all of these women – when faced with their own mortality, each second they have on earth suddenly seemed more valuable.

I love that country song, “Live Like You Were Dying”. It’s all about a guy who finds out he’s dying and decides to live the rest of his days doing the things he wished he had done before. I especially like the line, “I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying…”

But why is that we wait until we find out that we have cancer or some other potentially terminal illness to live the way we wish we had lived? Why do we wait until we find out that our days on this earth may be limited to love deeper, speak sweeter and give forgiveness? Why do we wait until we are given the news that we may not be around tomorrow to savor the beauty of each day…of each second? Why do we wait until we’re told that we’re dying to live like we’re dying?

Let me give you a little pearl of wisdom and save you the trip to the doctor – you do have a terminal disease…it’s called LIFE!

Each and every one of us is dying, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it! The terminal disease of life is nothing that a hysterectomy or mastectomy will cure; nor will chemotherapy or radiation cure it. No, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change the ultimate outcome. But there is something you can do - you can do something about the way you’re living today – you can live like you were dying. You can love deeper; you can speak sweeter and you can give forgiveness you’ve been denying. You can live each second like you choose to. You can live the way you will have wanted to live when you look back on your life many years from now. You can make the choice to live that way today!

Every day, every second, you have a choice about how you live – you have a choice about what you say, what you think and what you do. What are you choosing to do with each of your days, with each of your seconds? Are you living life like it will go on forever or are you living like you were dying? Go on, live it like you were dying, because you really are!

Sonya May
President, Choose Joy, Inc

The Joy of AGING....REALLY!!

2007-11-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

Like millions of people last Friday, I too braved the stores for "Black Friday"......yet instead of discovering the perfect gift for a loved one, I discovered something about myself!!

While visiting with relatives for Thanksgiving, my sister and I decided to see what we could find in the stores on Friday. As neither of us had our "lists" or any real desire for particular items, it was more of an opportunity to spend some time together than it was to get some "real deals" for the holidays.

We headed out to the local stores and wandered......literally wandered through the stores looking at the piles and mountains of products and the throngs of people clamoring for the items that were "one day sale specials". Not having participated on the Black Friday Frenzy for years, I was amazed. It reminded me of a sad remake of the movie "Night of the Living Dead"..........people wandering, as if in a daze..........tired, cranky, moving from store to store......simply with the goal of filling their carts. I'm certain many of these people simply wanted to be at home enjoying a well-deserved and long-overdue day off with their families, eating left-over turkey and stuffing, yet here they were......

While it amazed me at how the stores had all geared up for this day so far in advance, how the buying public was participating in the hoopla, and of course at the sheer volume of things to be purchased, I was amazed at something else.....something inside of me. I felt so removed from the process of it all......I had no desire to purchase anything! My thoughts wandered to some of the decorations and how I wanted to create a special holiday atmosphere and mood in our home, but I wasn't processing what items the kids or I "needed" to be happy this holiday season.

My wish list became populated by other things that morning. Here are the first several items:
1. Time to make holiday cookies with the kids
2. Remember to get that family recipe for my grandmother's applesauce cake
3. Find the kids' favorite holiday music CD that got put away with last year's decorations....the one they knew all the words to so we could sing along
4. Cut the construction paper so we could make paper chains for the tree
5. Clear the afternoon after-school schedule so we could go ice-skating
6. Stop by the library for a stock-pile of holiday stories to read in front of the fireplace

My list grew as I wandered along. The true JOY of the holidays for me was not to be about finding the perfect gift. My list didn't cost much money either! My list was about making the TIME with those who are most important to me in my life......it was about making MEMORIES of an unhurried holiday season.......it was about creating TRADITIONS for my children that hopefully would carry over to their adulthood and they would not become one of the wandering zombies at the mall on Black Friday!

I see this as a true joy of aging.....sure I have a few more aches and pains with each passing year.....but I also have a greater sense of the real me and what is important in my life! I'm embracing the wisdom that the aging process brings! Realizing what is truly important is a joy of aging!! I have the courage, wisdom and capability to make the holiday season what I WANT it to be......not what I've been told it should be!What is it you wish your holiday season to be? What is important to you? What brings you JOY?

Glenna Sanford
Co-Founder
Choose Joy, Inc.
Glenna@ChooseJoy.com

Joyful Inspiration comes from all Angles!

2007-11-25T18:35:00.000-08:00

"My wife... died Wednesday, November 7th after a nearly eight year long battle with breast cancer, she was 46." So started the email I received from Joe*, a fellow co-worker ,last Friday. Although I know the person who sent it (we'd taken a class together and I see him in the hallways occasionally), the email wasn't sent to me directly but to a distribution list including the 700 hundred or so people where I work. As we are not close friends and I knew nothing about this person outside of work, it caught me completely off-guard.....

I found myself initially sobered by his sharing of something so personal, and so tragic. As I continued to read his heartfelt note however, I found myself inspired:

"Her small five foot two frame belied her giant personality and presence. She had a strong moral compass, strong will, and a passion for the things she loved and believed in. She lived with a good quality of life despite the huge price she paid for every day, she looked forward to each one and used it the best she could. Those that knew Diane*, knew that she had a wonderful smile that she shared freely, she was intelligent and engaged.... She wouldn't be beaten by cancer, she would beat it despite constant pain and nausea. It came as a surprise to me the day she died because even the day before she was strong, bright, and ready to fight. She was by far the strongest person I have ever met. Her will and lust for life and the daily price she paid for that life was terrific."

Though I'd never met her, because of her husband's words I felt like I knew Diane somewhat. I loved Joe's descriptions of her attitude, her enthusiasm, and how she chose to live her life. Here was a person who had been dealt a pretty bad hand - "In the last eight years she was in remission for only about 12 - 18 months, the rest of the time she was on one chemo-therapy or another. She had 6 major surgeries, horrific amounts of radiation, dozens of minor surgeries and countless CAT and MRI scans." - and yet, through it all, she made the best of it, made a difference, and made her life count for more. I wish I had REALLY known her. What a strong and inspiring woman she was and continues to be to all those who actually had the privilege to know her.

The other inspiring part to me in this story is Joe. It is simply amazing to me that at a time like this he could actually think to write such a powerful letter! Perhaps writing it simply helped him with the mourning process, but I'm confident his choice - whether active or subconscious - to share his thoughts and memories of his wife's life with a larger audience was meant to move and motivate others ----- to make decisions and take actions to lead a joyful life. Each day. Every day. No matter what your circumstance.

So, in the end, I found the email I received that morning uplifting. In the process of relating the amazing life of someone I'd never met, it served to remind me - as it should all of us - of how precious each day in life is, and how we can make the choices to make it a joyful celebration!

(* Not their real names.)

Bill May
VP and Co-Founder
ChooseJoy, Inc.
Bill@ChooseJoy.com

The To-Do List

2007-11-11T04:14:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, my friend, Kathy came over to give me her opinion on one the scents Choose Joy will carry in our candle line. After she gave me a thumbs up on the scent, we settled into our easy-friend-type conversation. I love Kathy and love the times we can just talk as girlfriends. Kathy told me that this year for the first time, her two teenage children would not be going trick-or-treating. “And,” she sadly said, “We didn’t even carve a pumpkin this year.” But suddenly, her eyes lit up and she said, “Maybe I’ll carve one by myself tonight. That would be fun! But I’ll see how my day goes. If it seems like a joyful thing to do, I’ll do it. I don’t want it to become a to-do thing.”

A “to-do thing”. Definition: something that’s on your list of things to do that you really don’t want to do, but you have to do it because it’s on your list; something that causes you stress (which is certainly not a joyful feeling!) just by having it on your list and knowing that you have to do it.

A “to-do thing”. How many to-do things are on your list? How many of your to-do things are there because you think you have to do them and how many things are there because you want to do them?

My calendar probably looks like yours – lots of places to go and things to do. Children’s activities, volunteering commitments, social gatherings. But how many of those things are things we really want to do – things that add real value to our lives – and how many are on our calendar because we think we have to do them, either because of the expectations we have for ourselves or even because of what others expect from us?

On Halloween, how many of you could allow yourself to not have had a carved pumpkin greeting the neighborhood trick-or-treaters? Kathy, my wise friend, could. Carving a pumpkin is supposed to be fun, not a chore. If it becomes a chore for her, she knows that it’s not worth doing. Doing it when it’s a chore defeats the entire purpose of doing it in the first place!

As parents, we want nothing more than to build the self-esteem of our children. So we sign them up for activity after activity where they can explore their talents and hopefully gain some good feelings about themselves. But how often, in the rush to get out of the door and to the activity on time, do you find yourself raising your voice or even yelling at your children, telling them to hurry up? How many disagreements and arguments do you have with your children over some aspect of their activity? If your kids’ activities cause you to yell at your children or in any other way cause you to be less than emotionally supportive of them, you’ve defeated the purpose of taking them to the activity in the first place! The purpose of the activity is to help your kids feel good about themselves. If the activity feeds their negative self-esteem, then you’ve defeated the purpose of signing them up for the activity in the first place!

Many things compete for your time and energy. Choose wisely how you spend your time and energy and choose wisely for your children as well. If something that is supposed to be a positive experience becomes a negative one, then you need to find some new ways to spend your precious commodities of time and energy. This is your life and you only get one – choose to make it a positive experience!

Sonya May
President, Choose Joy, Inc
Sonya@ChooseJoy.com

Daily Dose of Joy?

2007-10-29T10:10:00.001-07:00

Did You Find Some Joy Today?
Every day. EVERY day. Do you find JOY somewhere in your life every day?I can recall days....weeks.....months.....where it seems like the "unfair" or "unkind" elements of life just keep washing over us like the never ending waves of the powerful ocean......and we need to take care not to get caught in the undertow of the waves.....in the negative forces pulling us down. Why is it we can so easily recall the dark times of our lives and have difficulty recalling the constant reminders of joy in our lives?When I am asked about my journey with breast cancer.....I have to stop and ponder. It is so very easy to recall the multiple surgeries, the testing, the treatments......and on and on. What I have to remind myself however is of the joyful times during that same time and space. Was it bad? Of course it was bad. Was it also good? Of course it was also good!! The good times of cancer involves cherishing the friendships - old and new - of those who helped us endlessly. The good times of cancer involves smiling with every trip to the mailbox that resulted in a get-well-soon card that brightened my day. The good times of cancer involved the patience and care of the doctors and nurses who tended to my needs. The good times of cancer involved the neverending support of family and friends who walked in walks, worked events, and did everything they could to help raise money for a cure. Yes, there are good times ....even in cancer.

The biggest thing that cancer taught me was to look for joy EVERY day. EVERY day I look and find joy somewhere. Are some days harder than others? Of course they are......yet every day I strive to find something. Sometimes the joy is simply from having gotten through the day and looking forward to the dawn of a new day. Sometimes the joy is simply from witnessing the joy of someone else......it makes me smile. Sometimes the joy is from sharing a giggle with a friend. Sometimes the joy is from sitting quietly, alone, drinking in the beauty of our world around us. It doesn't have to be monumental. It doesn't have to be significant. It only needs to be real.
My wish for you is to open your eyes to the real joys that surround us daily. Open your heart to the song of joy that whistles gently through the green leaves of the trees. Open your sense of smell to the soft fragrances of blooming flowers. Open your enjoyment of the sense of touch to the joy of holding the hand of a child.

True joy does exist in our world......every day. We can see it and feel it if we look for it. When you find it, share it with others. Perhaps this will spread the message of beauty, delight.......joy.
What joy did you find in your world today?

Glenna Sanford
VP, Choose Joy Incorporated
Glenna@ChooseJoy.com