I found myself wandering through Boston’s Faneuil Hall the other day and happened upon the band, the Ballroom Thieves playing for a crowd. I love watching musicians in street situations, because I learn a lot about pure business from them. They need to get someone’s attention, wow them enough to motivate that person to put a hand into their pocket, and earn some money. It’s pure marketing and pure sales at its best. And when it’s done right, it’s relationship building.

Marketing Is an Action

Getting me to sign up for a mailing list is an action. Having your CDs prominently displayed with a simple pricing placard is an action. Making just a tiny bit of eye contact when my cash goes into your little box is an action. That’s what people do. It’s part of it. You have to do all that.

Relationships Are About Ownership

Last night, Rachel Gawell from The Ballroom Thieves reached out to me specifically on Twitter and asked if I’d be at their show coming up. I had somehow thought the show was on another night, so I would have missed it, even if I remembered. But because Rachel took the extra step of making a point of connecting with me, one on one, I’ll be seeing the Ballroom Thieves tonight.

But think about this: I’m just one schmoe in the crowd. Granted, I’m a schmoe with an audience, so let’s not discount that. But just scanning the rest of Rachel’s tweets, she’s doing the work. She’s connecting, reaching out, looking for ways to build up the other bands she supports, and help the venues she works in and beyond. She’s relationship-minded. And that’s how she uses the tools, to connect and keep relationship experiences flowing.

One Takes a Lot More Work

Marketing is all you need if you’re selling a product anyone else can buy elsewhere. I wouldn’t put a ton of work into trying to sell hot dogs, for instance. Unless, of course, I wanted a relationship, and I wanted to be the best hot dog guy in the universe, the one that comes to mind the minute you mention hot dogs the way Joe Sorge comes to mind the minute someone says burgers.

I don’t care what sized business you are. Rachel’s a musician in a three-person band. Ferg Devins represents MolsonCoors in Canada, a pretty big company, and he’s every bit about relationships. Joe’s restaurant group owns six or seven or more restaurants and he’s about relationships.

And thus, it’s a choice.

You can market, which you have to do anyway, or you can own some relationships. Not every relationship. Even some key ones.

Your results WILL vary, and that’s the point. No?

Ownership starts from within. You start by realizing one day that you can own your choices. It grows. You accept that you can choose your goals. Then, you realize you can create a kingdom or a world or whatever you want to call it (your domain). And from there, your ownership becomes an obsession.

Ownership Starts from Within

People always seem to ask about a specific moment where everything changed. I don’t believe in them. I believe there are dozens of moments, hundreds. We think there’s only one shot, like that Eminem song. But there’s not. There are hundreds of shots. Roads. You see a roadblock, but there’s another way. That’s what happens. Or you surrender. That’s a choice.

You Own Your Choices

Let’s say you want to build your business. For 100 days, you make no effort to pick up customers or clients (or however you grow). What happens? Nothing. Then, you decide it’s time to do the work. You make the calls. You get some “no,” maybe a big bag of it. You can find another way, make some better adjustments, and you learn how to accept (but not be okay with) setbacks, mistakes, outcomes you didn’t want. And you find a way to own even more. Or you surrender.

You Choose Your Goals

Maybe you start by thinking you want to rise up in the company where you work. Or you see a different goal. Maybe you decide that you’re not big boned, but fat, real old fashioned FAT and you set the goal to not be fat. Whatever it is, you own your goals, you choose your goals. It’s a very big day indeed. Especially if you’re smart enough to choose more than one goal, to choose goals for the rest of your life. Or you surrender. Lots of people do.

You Create a Kingdom

This starts wherever it starts (for me, it was my cubicle). You decide you own something. You then decide you’re going to build on it. Gene Simmons from Kiss started with a comic book collection in his room. Trump started with rental units in Brooklyn. Kings and owners start by creating a kingdom and building it. Or you surrender and stay happy with what you have.

Ownership Becomes the Obsession

We have to really careful here. The owners I want us to most admire are benevolent. They share. They love. They want others to be part of the kingdom. They build up the owners around them. And yet, at the heart of it all, ownership and building and developing and growing and learning is the obsession.

The best owners I know are the ones who are obsessed with growing others. James Altucher is one of those amazing owners, raising up others. Jeff Pulver is an obsessed owner. Tim Sanders is an obsessed owner. Peter Corsell and Richard Oh are owners. Seth Godin is an owner. I am blessed to know and associate with and learn from many obsessed owners, eager to help raise up others while building their kingdoms.

And it’s my obsession as well.

And you? Who are you in this story? You’re an Owner, naturally. Or you’re not. You tell me. Will you?

I was talking with Jacq about our upcoming talk at State of Now about how one starts a health reboot. In brainstorming, we both realized that we use social media and social networking tools to help with various aspects of our fitness and health. But we don’t make a “thing” out of it. We just do it. The tools just get us to the information and the people. Does that make sense?

The “Fabric” Mindset

The reason we all have at least one computer and probably a smartphone is that they became easier and easier to use. There’s some quote I can’t really remember right now that says that technology becomes really interesting when it shifts from being magical to being commonplace, when, in other words, it just becomes part of the materials we use to make up our day. It’s time for us to think that way about the whole social media thing. It’s been time for a year or two.

The Debates Aren’t All That Worth It

Should you be on Facebook? Who cares? Maybe. Possibly. Should you check out Google+, even though everyone swears it’s a ghost town (of over 600 million users)? No. Don’t go there. No one you know is there. Only Barack Obama, The Dalai Lama, and a bunch of boring astronauts. Is Vine worth it? No. Absolutely not. Six second video is as stupid as 140 character limitations on social networks and it’ll never take off.

The debates aren’t interesting. No one cares whether you’re still deciding to get on this or that social network or use this or that tool. You don’t have a Pinterest strategy yet? Great! It’s perfectly fine to sit that one out (unless you’re selling to women and then you’re kind of silly for not being there).

My real point here? The debates aren’t making you money.

Fabric: Use it as PART of the Plan

I’m looking through the various questions in my inbox from readers of my newsletter and listeners to my radio show. In every single case, someone’s asking me a question that has nothing to do with social media, but they’re asking with a lot of social media-related terms and thought processes.

I once asked Mitch Joel a question about how to get more people to buy cars using social. He said, “Don’t. Stick flyers on the windshields of other people’s cars and invite them to the dealership.” He was 100% right.

How do *I* use social media and networks right now? I’ll give you the list:

1.) Point people to content I’ve created that is helpful. (The content, in turn, sometimes points to things I sell.)
2.) Connect with people I want to nurture relationships with, and/or answer questions from my community.
3.) Learn from experts that I’m interested in learning from.
4.) Get timely information not typically found in Google (or Bing) about a topic.
5.) Get friend-vetted information <-- this one is so important it should almost be #1.

But what I don't do:

a.) care about follower count.
b.) worry about Klout/Kred/Konstipation
c.) worry about comments/likes
d.) care about the trends

Fabric Mode

Use these tools for your pursuits.

* I need to sell more. Now what?
* I need to learn more about _____. Now what?
* I want to connect with like minds about _____. Now what?

You’ll find the world is a lot more fun.

Oh, and one more thing: you hereby have permission to NOT use whichever social networks you don’t feel like using or don’t like. Tell people you have official and sanctioned permission. Yep. A hall pass. Stop using social networks you don’t like. Today.

Good? Good!

Fabric.

The following is sponsored by Cloud Powered Work, which is a project with IDG, LinkedIn, and Microsoft’s Office365. Everything in this post is mine, and my opinions are my own.

I’ve been dabbling with and enjoying the experience of working with my Dell XPS10 tablet for a month or two now, and I really dig the new Office365 experience. The thing is, my entire business runs on a totally different operating system and using a completely different suite of cloud tools. So I’ve really only been dabbling all this time. I decided it’s time to really put this platform to the test.

Two Weeks in the Office365 World

For the next 14 days (starting today), I’m committing to using Office365 from Microsoft, SkyDrive, Bing, and my Dell XPS10. I’ll use only this platform except for the production of my radio show, because that’d be too big of a pain to swith.

Here are my predictions:

1.) I am already used to cloud computing so cloud powered work using Office365 will feel the same to me.
2.) I will enjoy the fact that my files are both native and synced instead of just online-only, because sometimes in my current workflow which uses Google products mostly, I have to sometimes drag text out of a Google doc and throw it into Pages while I’m offline for a period of time.
3.) I will enjoy Bing more than I think (I’m saying this because when I tried the test at Bing it On, I ended up picking Bing 2 out of 3 times).
4.) It’ll be a fun experiment.

Are You Rocking Office365?

Are you using SkyDrive and 365 and all the cloud stuff from MSFT yet? If so, let me know what your experience has been. What should I look for? What will be a surprise to me?

And if you’re a hater, have you even tried it yet? There’s a reason I’m working with these guys to promote Office365 and cloud powered work and it sure isn’t the business relationship. I believe that Apple and Google have a serious contender in Microsoft with their mobile and tablet experiences, and in the post-desktop world, there might be a huge shift coming.

If you ride the wave almost at the shore, the ride is short and spent. Find the fresh new wave and ride that.

Okay, let’s do this. Will report along the way!

I took it about a year ago last March, and when I looked at it shortly after I snapped it, I thought, “Huh. That’s weird. I’m a lot fatter than I think I am.”

Like all “before” pictures, it took a while for me to realize that it’s supposed to be the “before” and not the “now” picture. But we all get there eventually in our heads.

If I snapped a picture today, it would look like this:

Not much of a difference. You wouldn’t see it. Though I’m eating clean, going to the gym daily, have lost some weight, and all that jazz. I’m also not nearly satisfied. And that’s when it came to me.

We Need a Thousand Before And After Pics

If you’ve ever succeeded at anything in life, there’s a real fork-in-the-road moment that comes shortly thereafter. You can either rest on those laurels, or you can push onward. When Julien and I got the New York Times Bestseller nod in 2009, I knew that it was a fluke and I barely acknowledged it. I certainly include that in my bio everywhere I can, but I’m on the path to writing more books, and I’d like another New York Times betseller. If I’d settled for that one “after” pic of hitting the list, I know that I wouldn’t be happy with my life.

I ran and completed a trail marathon back in 2004. And then I barely did anything with fitness from Jan 2005 until a year or so ago. I certainly rode that “after” pic of me crossing the marathon finish line for a long time.

Make Today “Before”

Take wherever you are right now in life and make that the before picture. Who knows? Maybe you just did that recently. That’s close enough.

Capture the “After” and Then…

Then, once you have your “after” moment, leave it an after for two or three days. And then take a new “before.” Whatever project you’re doing, whatever matters to your success, make a new “before” picture for that.

I obviously don’t mean simply fitness and health. I mean whatever. If you’re excited you’ve got your first 1000 readers on your blog, aim for 5000, or 10,000. Or aim for a new direction that adds to that previous success. Make another “race” to run and start with a “before” snapshot.

After is Too Tempting to Enshrine

I can tell you this: my “after” photo for my fitness will be taken several times. My “after” photo for my writing career will go a long way. My next big project is a “before” picture right now, and I really can’t wait to share that after picture, years down the road.

It’s your turn. What’s your before? What’s your after? Share with me.

What’s interesting to me is how I found my footing and how I got back on track, and so there are two items I want to share with you from this: the actual learning, and more importantly, the realization of what got me there.

Be Open to Inspiration

Humans have this way they deal with too much information. They discard tons of inputs and keep what they feel is important. This is necessary, by the way. Can you imagine how busy your brain would be if you thought all day about every single item you observed, every single sound you heard, etc? But we also have a problem with this: we narrow our attention down when we sometimes need it to be wide open, in those moments when we need an inspiration.

I was reading GQ Magazine’s cover interview article with Robert Downey Jr. It was actually a very long and inspired interview, though it touched on a lot of the same typical questions (about his messy past, and “can you believe you’re a big star now?” and all that). But in there, as often happens, Downey evaded the questions and came out with an answer that smacked me right between the eyes.

Let’s pretend that the question was “Is it hard doing what you do knowing that you were so messed up in the past? And is it hard doing what you do not knowing what the future holds?”

Downey’s answer was: “I stopped worrying about fixing things and just dealt with what was right in front of me. The bouncing ball of the moment.”

I’ll get back to that in a bit.

Inspiration Isn’t Often Where You Think It Will Be

I get all my ideas for blog topics from wandering about and finding something interesting enough that I can extrapolate into an idea that might be helpful to you. I rarely find inspiration by searching through business magazines or reading the best online sites for news. Know why? Because news reports what’s already happened. I’m looking for something we can make happen together.

I can honestly say that GQ magazine has never crossed my mind as a source of inspiration. It’s a magazine I read because I like magazines, and because sometimes they have some really interesting stuff. But life-shifting inspiration? Not what I thought.

So that’s lesson #1.

Back to What Downey Said

I extrapolated on Downey’s idea and came up with this really easy recipe for success:

1. Make sure you have great plans and actionable ideas in stock.
2. Deal with what’s right in front of you.

Sometimes, what’s right in front of you are emergencies. Most times, we are looking around wondering what we should be doing. Here’s what I did this morning (and this is what shook me out of my week+ long depression):

1.) Went to the gym. (This always helps. Fitness of any kind helps with depression.)
2.) Decided to deal with ONLY what was in front of me and stop feeling as upset about the things that are bothering me.
3.) Put amazing and important things in front of myself so that I could do better.
4.) Go!

That’s it. But it’s that two-part recipe: make important plans readily available, and then work on those. What does that mean for your business?

For mine, I have two needs: get more newsletter subscribers and sell more courses. So, that prompted me to fill my plans up with this:

1.) Publish a new episode of the podcast. – Done.
2.) Record the audio version of this Sunday’s newsletter. – Done
3.) Write the welcome letter and some new content for a course I’m relaunching. – Pending
4.) Write this blog post. – Almost Done.
5.) Record a video to replace one I broke last week. – Pending
6.) Finish a new book proposal I’ve been slacking off about. – Pending, but next.

And that’s what went onto my list. Now, instead of worrying about things, I just ask whether what’s on the list will advance my goals. That’s it. Easy. I don’t have to worry about the future. I’m working the plan.

Want to think more like that? Want to work like that? I’d recommend starting with Rob Hatch’s great course, Work Like You’re On Vacation. And, you know, be open to inspiration.

And then I walked out. And so did my money. For good. In fact, I drove to McDonalds, got some scrambled eggs and an iced coffee, and was in and out of the system within the same 7 minutes. (You can save your comments with disdain for McDonalds. If you’re a parent, you go there, unless you don’t. Either way. It’s not the point.)

Now, before you try to defend this other place, no, it wasn’t busy. Yes, at least two employees had seen me, and frankly, I don’t much care. If I had been even greeted, I would have been able to tolerate the wait. But not even a hello.

By comparison, the Ale House and the Barking Dog (both local places) have trained their entire staff to greet anyone they see walking in, and wish everyone walking out a great day. You feel warmly greeted there.

“LOCAL” DOES NOT EQUAL “GOOD.”

Local equals local. For instance, there are many coffee shops around. One of the local coffee shops invariably has a huge line, and locals know to go there only if you have some extra time. The coffee is good, but not amazing. Are they extra kind there? No. Do they greet people? No.

The local Dunkin Donuts is faster. They’re not much more kind (I mean, they’re not unkind, but they just do what they do with little beyond the script). Is that good? Depends on what you want.

“GOOD” IS SUBJECTIVE

I went into a running store to pick up a windbreaker kind of thingy because evidently wearing a spring jacket means I will sweat like a prisoner. The guy who runs the shop remembered selling me my shoes (almost a year ago). That feeling, of being remembered, equals good to me. But maybe not to everyone. Heck, I once took a part time job at a local bookstore simply because the manager remembered my name after meeting me once ever (great person, by the way).

ULTIMATELY, “LOCAL” BECOMES ONE OF SEVERAL CHOICES

I’m writing in the Barnes & Noble, which means they get my $4.10 for the iced coffee I bought to “rent” my table. The places that sell ice coffee near my house don’t get that money because they don’t have enough room to sit, aren’t the right environment, lack wifi, etc. All just choices. But let’s talk about that with regards to YOUR business.

If you intend to be a local business, what will push people to choose you instead of the competition?

• If you sell physical products, you don’t have to carry everything, but you have to be able to recommend everything, and be able to get it in fast.
• Any service you can add above and beyond the product becomes a reason to consider local.
• Knowledge trumps big box stores sometimes. I bought my windbreaker at the running store because I knew that the people in there knew about the product. Will someone at Target? Far less likely.
• Warm welcomes make everything better. I’d much rather give money to people who make me feel welcome and invited. I know this sounds “duh,” but pay attention next time you’re out and about. It’s a rarity to be welcomed and treated well.
• If you have a great story, sometimes that’s enough to sway one’s money towards you. There’s a farm where I like to get my vegetables and there’s usually a bit more “story” going on there in descriptions and signage and more, compared to my local grocery store.
• Being responsive and able to reply and able to offer customer service is one place where you can shine.

But it’s all a choice.

If you can add value, you can trump price or availability as a local business. It’s up to you to decide if that matters. The rest? Well, we can talk about that another time.

That question was asked to me by Pam Vitaz, and she asked it somewhat in this context (my words not hers): Vine’s interesting, but you basically just shot a funny video. Why do that?

Here’s the video she meant:

Can’t see the video? Click Here. Can’t hear sound? Hover over it and click the little sound thingy.

On the surface, it’s the kind of question you can answer with “why not?” But that’s not good enough.

Why Use These Outlier Social Media Tools?

First, it’s your call which of the social networks or tools you think of as an outlier. I was just crapping on SnapChat in a conversation with Noah Kagan and he told me that he thought it was a great way to share something that’s meant to exist only “in the moment.” (My argument was that it’s a great way to share pictures of boobies, which is evidently how folks seem to use it, according to 5,080,911 blog posts to that effect.)

Second, realize that sometimes the answer really is “why not?”

But my answer is different:

1. It’s fun.
2. It’s simple.
3. It lets me express myself in a “liner notes”/unplugged kind of way.
4. It’s yet another way to augment what you’re doing, if you want it to be (see my early thoughts on Vine).
5. It’s a bite sized way to participate, especially if you’re getting your toes in the water.

SnackBytes

A gazillion years ago, super smart Deb Schultz wrote about SnackBytes, as she called them. Snackable content. The idea being that we’re too busy for a meal, so let’s just have a content snack.

I’d even argue that long before Deb, USAToday had snackable content long before every US newspaper started copying their format of tiny bite-sized info.

What’s Pinterest or (my favorite) Gentlemint but a nod towards snackbytes?

Should YOU Use These Networks?

I get that kind of question a lot. The answer is: you don’t have to do anything. I have recommendations, of course.

But here’s what I believe: if you’re working on building your media empire, and communicating about that around the outposts (all language covered in this course), you’ll find that you might enjoy having a way to talk “off-message,” as well. Now, you can choose anywhere to do that, but I think places like Vine or Instagram or Pinterest, etc, are a great way to allow us to be more human, while not getting in the way of the larger tapestry of our efforts.

I could be wrong. What do YOU think?

I read this facebook post by James Altucher and it really punched me in the stomach. But that’s just one punch in a series, because every time I question how I ended up somewhere, the real answer (underneath all the bull answers) is fear. It’s why most stupid things happen, why all bad things happen (when humans are involved), and is even worse than you think.

I’m afraid of a weird collection of things. I’m afraid of sharks (ever since seeing Jaws at a very young age – because I pestered my parents tirelessly til they succumbed). I’m afraid of being invisible (not like the superpower, but not being worthy of anyone’s attention). I’m afraid of bad things happening to my kids. I’m afraid of being seen as harmless (odd one, really). I could go on for a while, but you get the point).

Thinking about fear is helpful to you.

A Quick Accounting of Fear

• Fear is why we market too much and upset your prospects. – fear of failure or poverty.
• Fear is why we use big words when little ones will do. – fear of being perceived as insignificant or unimportant.
• Fear is why we cling to praise. – fear of not measuring up.
• Fear is why we stay. Fear is why we leave. – fear of the unknown, of the known, of not having enough.
• Fear is why we watch so much TV or hang out online all day. – fear of having to deal with what’s in our heads.

If you found nothing in common with any of the above, either you’re in denial or you’re about to ascend into whichever heaven you voted for in the last religion elections.

Can you Work at Being Fearless?

I think it’s impossible to be fearless, though this guy might come close:

Can’t see the video? Click Here.

(If you can stand a little cursing, this version of the above is hilarious!)

For you and me, it’s less likely that we’ll claim to be fearless. More so, we probably shouldn’t. The opposite of bravery isn’t fear. The opposite of bravery is surrender (or more accurately, settling). #tweetable.

But the real power is in the knowing. When we know we’re feeling fear, we can take a moment and sit with that, and we can acknowledge the fear. And we can choose to take an action that isn’t a pure reaction to the fear alone.

For instance, though I’m afraid of sharks, I usually swim in the ocean. I accomplish this by thinking through the odds of being the one eaten during a shark attack. Though I’m afraid of being invisible, I work on opening myself up to more experiences that aren’t designed to make me visible. Etc.

The recipe is simple:

• Realize your fear and name it.
• Acknowledge it (to yourself, not necessarily on a blog like me or James in that amazing post).
• Choose to take an action based on your own goals and intentions, taking into account the fear, but not acting purely upon it.

Repeat.

Do you work at managing your fear and seeking what matters to you? Come join over 200 of us who work on that every day, together. It’s some of the best (and most difficult) work you can do to improve your success this year.