This past TV season I and several million other people around the world were treated to the series finale of LOST. Rather than cramming the series with more and more mysterious, dead-end plot twists (à la X-Files, Heroes, Alias), the creators of LOST determined an end date for the series and answered a myriad of questions along the road to the finale, satiating most of LOST‘s devout followers. Yeah, creator writer producer dudes!

I think part of LOST‘s appeal was that the show was just so different from anything that had come before. I think X-Files and Heroes had this aspect working in their favor, but their failing was that they went absolutely nowhere (I’m conjecturing here because I never bothered to continue watching these shows straight through to their finales.  Did the cheerleader save the world?  No wait, I don’t care.). The writers of these shows dangled an unattainable carrot in front of the audience for years and years and had absolutely no idea where they were going.  I think they discovered to their dismay that the audience will only follow that carrot for so long before it has had enough with the chase and will give up the pursuit.

Who is the smoking man?...I stopped caring a long time ago.

Saving the Cheerleader seemed so important at the time.

Nothin's on! Only Doctor and Lawyer shows. Boo!

One remarkable aspect of LOST was that even though it was neither a medical drama or a legal drama it was a major success on par with triumphs like Star Wars, Coca-Cola, and the wheel. I think if an alien from the planet Zergon was to land in the United States and turn on the television he/she/it might quickly come to the conclusion that doctors, lawyers and police detectives are the only people on earth that live exciting, dramatic lives.

In the wake of LOST‘s phenomenal success, I decided to take a look at some of the new shows that are either on now or will be coming to television sets across America this fall.  Lo and behold, in the wake of LOST‘s success, TV stations are coming out with risky, fresh, interesting, “never-been-seen-before” shows that are…oh wait, no…they’re just doing the doctor and legal drama shows they’ve subjected us to for years. Here’s a bit of what we have to look forward to this fall:

Thursdays 10/9c

As near as I can figure this is a “reality show” in as much as it just follows real doctors (and nurses?) around to see what they experience. Have I got your attention yet? Well here’s the kicker…it takes place in Boston, Massachusetts.

Tuesdays 10/9c

Get ready to get down right gritty…That’s right, America…This isn’t no ordinary cop/detective show. This one takes place in Detroit…Detroit, Michigan. And…AND…you want an AND!? Err, did we mention the grittyness?

Thursdays 9/8c

As near as I can figure this is just an ordinary cop show but with a slight twist: everyone is as green as Barney Fife and as absent minded as Gilligan. This show promises to have the regular cop chases and shootouts, but our heroes will do goofy things like forget to load their guns and gas up the squad car.  In an upcoming episode one of the fearless rookies will no doubt stand up in the middle of a shootout to take a shot and have his drawers fall down to his ankles revealing “I heart NY” boxer shorts.  I think this one might be a comedy on par with Benny Hill.

Mondays 10/9c

U.S. Marshal who goes after criminals by chasing them, following the well-known, but often neglected formula: U.S. Marshal + Chasing = Must See TV.  Hmm, what more can I say about this gem?  The U.S. Marshal is a pretty blonde with a chip on her shoulder.  She’s smarter than you and she knows it.  She’s half Jedi, half Steven Segal, and she and her elite team are putting the hurt down Monday nights on NBC this Fall.

Wednesdays 10/9c

Okay, so next up we have…Zzzzzz (slaps face to try and awaken some interest)…Will there be a murder victim found underneath the Santa Monica Pier? If you’re like me, you’re on the fence between “Maybe” and “Don’t care”.  Actually, we might have to wait for Law & Order: Santa Monica before we see that scenario come to pass.

Premieres Friday, September 24th at 10/9c

Cop/Detective show with a twist: The police chief has a son who is a detective and another son who patrols the streets. I might not have the lineage down correctly, but I’m pretty sure there are three main characters, all of them are related some how, and they all bleed blue, NYPD blue that is.

Premieres Wednesday, September 22nd at 10/9c

Lawyer show, Takes place in Vegas, Sequel to According to Jim? Maybe, it’s a prequel to According to Jim? I’m a bit confused as to how Jim Belushi has time to make this show and According to Jim. Is According to Jim still on TV? How many times can one mention the show According to Jim in one paragraph? I never really watched much According to Jim. You know which show I liked? Arrested Development. That show got pulled before it’s time. That was a smart, fun show. But I digress…

Hawaii Five-0 title graphic: Then and Now

Hawaii-Five-0

Premieres Monday, September 20th at 10/9c

A recycled version of the popular original from the 1970′s. Similar to the original, this show has cops and detectives battling criminals in Hawaii, the U.S.’s fiftieth state.  If the updated title graphic is any indication, this show promises to be at least 3 times better than its original.

Outlaw

Premieres, Friday, September 17th at 10/9c

Disgusted with the state of the legal system, Supreme Court Justice Cyrus Garza (played by Jimmy Smits) decides to quit his appointment, return to private practice, and use his inside knowledge of the law to turn the system on its head.  Want some spice?  Justice Garza is a time travelling robot from Roman times who is controlled by the spirit of Augustus Caesar playboy with a penchant for gambling.  Sure to revive the courtroom drama genre, you’re not going to want to miss Outlaw on NBC this fall.

Pa pa pa poker face pa pa poker face

I had the opportunity to play poker with a group of guys a few weeks ago.  Before heading to the game I did a little homework and studied up on whether a flush beats a straight or vice versa (a flush DOES beat a straight as it turns out.).  Having studied up on the rules I felt pretty good about how the night of poker would turn out.  When I arrived at the poker party that evening I discovered just how unprepared I was.

There was a ringer there who went by the name “Slim”…and he had a cowboy hat.  Son of a Mother!  I instantly felt “Out WhataBurgered” and was envious of both the nickname and the hat.  I felt like I had studied my English lit book in preparation for an Algebra test.  How could I have been so foolish!

Studied the wrong thing...wha, wha.

I should have spent the bulk of my time concocting a poker outfit that conveyed the persona I was wanting to achieve.  I could have been the ” indoor sunglasses” guy, or the “sideways ball cap” guy, or the “dressed in a tux” guy.

The nickname is a little bit trickier.  You can’t create a nickname for yourself.  Well, I suppose you could, but people are going to think you’re a moron if you go around to everyone and tell them you want to be called “Pickles”.  To achieve a nickname you need to do something nickname worthy; like spill your coke on the table and then drink it all up through your nose with a straw, or be able to burp the pledge of allegiance, or have Martin Van Buren sideburns.  Yeah, I know, those examples stink, which is probably why I don’t have a nickname.  Maybe next time I’ll go with sideburns and see what that gets me.

Next Poker Night Outfit

Despite my failings, luck was on my side and I got the cards I needed to win a few hands.  Maybe “Winner” isn’t a bad nickname…(crickets chirping in the background)…Nah, I think I’ll try the sideburns thing.

Yikes, it has been a long while since my last post so here goes…A few weeks ago my wife, Kate and I got back from the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver BC and I wanted to relay the experience to my loyal readers so without further ado I will commence with the telling…

We went with my brother and our good friend, Kevin who was an Olympian at Torino. Our bus left Bellingham around noon Wednesday. After a bit of a drive and a brief stop at the boarder we arrived in Vancouver and spent the day touring the city. Vancouver was a buzz with people from all nationalities; even more so than usual and it was really cool to be in the mix. Some of the main drags of the city were blocked off to vehicles allowing visiting pedestrians to wonder the streets. As we walked, we stumbled upon two zip lines that were flying individuals over the crowds of people underneath. We found out later that the zip lines were free to ride, but they also came complete with a four hour wait to take the 15 second trip.

We decided to take a late lunch that day and settled on the Café Crepe. We were seated on one side of a booth. A few other parties were seated in the other half of the booth, but decided to move; seemingly because the booth’s table on that side was a bit wobbly (Surely it wasn’t because of the smiling fun-loving Americans seated in the booth, right?). After a bit of waiting a party of three, I wanna say French speaking young men, joined us at the booth. Two of the French party were of a slender build and one of the guys had a more husky physique. The guys that sat next to us solved the wobbly table conundrum with a few folded over paper coasters; classic. A few moments latter, the very busy server came to their side of the table and asked if they had been helped yet and if they wanted a few menus. The Frenchmen looked at each other with a bit of a puzzled look on each of their faces, turned to the server and spoke one of the few English words they knew, “Beer”. After a bit of waiting we received our meals, the Frenchmen received their beers and everyone was happy. We left Café Crepe around 4:30pm and decided to do some more walking/site-seeing.

"Is that it!?" - Disappointed Woman

We headed down to the waterfront to see the cauldron. As we walked we noticed several Olympic volunteers wearing teal blue jackets directing the masses as to what attractions were where. At one point along the side of the road we came to a clearing and there before us was the ice cauldron. A little elderly woman who surely was an American and who had to have been from Georgia or West Virgina exclaimed, disappointedly, and with a southern draw, “Is that it?” Kevin and I happened to be standing the closest to her and we just started laughing.  The cauldron wasn’t an overly grandiose feature and it was surrounded by a chain-link fence so I could see where she was coming from. We took several pictures and continued our trek. The sun was setting and the city began to get dark.

Walking the streets of Vancouver at night was quite the experience.  The distinct smell of snicklefritz was on the air.  We actually saw some guys smoking the stuff not 15 feet away from a police officer.  The officer didn’t give it a second thought.  There were tap dancers, belly dancers, people of all nationalities wearing their nation’s fare with pride.  Everyone was having a good time, except for that guy that got mugged, Yowza!…Ha! just kidding, we witnessed no muggings.  I imagine there were some somewhere, but not where we were…hmm, thinking about it now makes me sad and a part of me wishes I hadn’t joked about it two sentences ago.

We made our way down to the Hudson’s Bay Company; the store that had all the “official” Olympic merchandise.  We waited in line outside for about 15 minutes.  We got a Quatchi doll for our daughter and Kate got a long-sleeve t-shirt.  The place was a mad-house zoo.  We saw Saun White‘s 1280 what’s'it on the TV’s as we were waiting in the checkout line.  Our excitement was a bit subdued.  For some reason we felt like we were surrounded by Canadians; weird.

We headed down to Vancouver Live City, which was just a public spot where people could hang out, listen to live music and watch the Olympic events on big screen televisions.  After a short wait outside we were let into the temporary structure where the live music was playing, selected a spot (all the seats were taken), and took it all in.  I decided to go for some local cuisine and ordered some poutine at the venue.  Poutine is a french-canadian dish consisting of fries smothered in gravy and topped with cheese curds.  It’s the after-dinner snack of all the Olympic champions I’m sure.

Poutine

After standing there for a bit a few Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman stepped inside.  Kate wanted to take their picture but became embarrassed when the two made eye contact with her as she attempted the shot.  After about ten minutes we noticed that people were starting to have their pictures taken with the two officers, so I said to Kate, “Let’s go over there and I’ll take your picture with the two of them.”  We made our way over.  As Kate settled in between the two officers and I began to peer through the viewfinder one of the fun-loving (slightly inebriated perhaps) attendees motioned me to get in the shot (he pushed me and grabbed my camera).  So I joined Kate in-between the two mounties and our new found friend took the winning shot.

As we walked back to the hotel to call it a night we saw two of the Frenchmen we had seen at the Café Crepe run past us.  We all wondered where the third, husky Frenchman was.  In fact one of the members of our illustrious party blurted out, “Hey there are the Frenchmen…I guess they left ‘chubs’ behi…oh, nevermind.”  As the word “behind” began to escape a certain someone’s lips, the husky Frenchman traipsed along behind his comrades.

Day one of our Olympic adventure was under our belts.  The next day we would make the journey up to Whistler and the Sliding Centre.

So I was talking to a friend of mine Sunday morning after church.  I say he’s a friend of mine, but in actuality he’s more of an acquaintance seeing as how I only see him on Sundays…Actually, some Sundays I don’t see him at all.  I’m guessing maybe I see him once or twice a month.  He’s a nice guy, very friendly.  What I’m getting at is that I’ve seen and have known him for several months now, but I see him on such a limited basis that I don’t remember his name and I feel that our relationship has gone past that point where it would be “okay” for me to say to him, “I’m sorry, but I’ve forgotten your name.  Could you tell me what your name is again please.”  Ouch, right?  Awkward.

I’m guessing at this point your thinking one of two things, the first being, “Ah, that’s okay, Chris.  That happens to the best of us.  Don’t feel bad.”  The other thing you might be thinking is, “What a jerk face.  He can’t remember his friends name after several months.  Chris Cabe is a big jerk face and if he were here right now I’d call him a jerk face right to his face…then I’d call him Philip, just to be ironical!”

I remembered my friend's name!

I got to talking with my friend this past Sunday and I just said under my breath, kind of timid like, “Hi how are you doing, Ben.”  I didn’t say the whole sentence under my breath and timid like, that would be a bit creepy.  No, I just said the the name timidly: Ben.  I thought his name was Ben, so I took a shot to see if it would stick.  The conversation continued without a hitch.  As we talked I thought to myself, “You go, Chris.  You went for it and hit the bulls-eye.  Knocked it out of the park you did.”  I don’t even remember what we were talking about I was so in awe of myself.  “Okay Chris, reel it in here…you’re still in the midst of a conversation.  You probably should concentrate on listening.  Pay attention so you can answer/interact intelligently”, I thought to myself.  I listened.  I interacted.  I even threw out another “Ben” with slightly less reserve than before.

Well, toward the end of the conversation my friend Ben told me his name was Bill.  “No!  Chris, you moron!”, I thought to myself.  How could this happen to me?  I turned beet red, had instant sweats, hyperventilated and passed out right where I stood.  My friend Be–errr, Bill rushed to get me a glass of water.  After about ten minutes or so I came to and my friend Bill and I had a big laugh about the whole episode.  Well…aside from the “me turning beet red” part of the story none of that really happened, but in my minds eye I was dealt a heavy blow.  I got that blue, sinking feeling.  As a result of this social interactivity debacle I’ve decided to introduce the Ben/Jen rule.

Blue, sinking feeling. What a social disaster that was!

The Ben/Jen rule put simply is that if I don’t remember your name, from now on I’m just going to say confidently, “Hi, Ben (Jen if female).  How are things?”  I figure, Ben and Jen are common enough names, I might just get it right.  If not, I will have said it so confidently it will play off better than the awkwardly timid, under-the-breath, “Hi _{(Insert uncertain name here.)}, how are you?”  If someone called me Ben with confident bravado I don’t think I would be offended.  I think Ben is a rather stately name.  I wouldn’t mind being a Ben for someone if they needed me to be.

Currently the “Ben/Jen Rule” as I have dubbed it is in it’s Shakedown period and I have as yet not given it a try.  In addition to my new rule I’m also going to try to remember names better by making a conscious effort to listen intently to someone as they say their name to me in the midst of an introduction.  Given these two methods I should have all my bases covered.

The Ben/Jen Rule in Action

If you’re like me and forget the names of people you’ve met before routinely, I encourage you to give the “Ben/Jen Rule” a try and let me know how it goes.  If you try it out and it works like a charm I’d like to hear about it.  If you give it a go and it turns into a horrible disaster go ahead and blame me for convincing you to try such a fool-hardy idea.  My name’s, Ben.

Have you ever been in the grocery store parking lot and watched as a customer parks a grocery cart next to their car, places the grocery bags into their car, and then proceeds to leave the cart a few feet from their car, say in the parking space right next to their vehicle?  Seeing people do this perturbs me a bit.  After putting my bags in my car I always try and place the cart in the cart return, but I’ve noticed at the grocery store I frequent the cart returns seem to be placed for the grocery workers convenience and not the convenience of the customers.  Conspiracy?  I think so, and I’m crying foul.

The store has two entrances and very close to each of these entrances are two cart returns. All the grocery workers have to do is walk across a two lane driveway and collect the carts. There are other cart returns scattered throughout the lot but these are a country mile from either entrance and are therefore hardly ever used. The locations of the cart returns create a “stranded cart” zone in the middle of the parking lot.

Makeshift cart return

Many grocers parked in this zone look around and realize that the nearest cart return is in Eritrea and decide to use vegetation “islands” in the parking lot to secure their empty carts.  These “islands” are just random curbed-off spots throughout the parking lot that have a few trees on them to beautify the otherwise barren, desolate expanse that is the grocery store parking lot.  After all, securing a cart to one of these curbed islands is better than leaving an empty cart in the middle of the lot.  It prevents carts from rolling away and hitting parked cars.

"Ugh...where is the cart return?"

I’ve been one of those grocery store shoppers that has unloaded the cart, strapped my child into her car seat, looked up and realized, “I don’t even see a cart return.”  Even still, as far as I can remember I haven’t just abandoned my cart or made use of the vegetation islands in the parking lot to secure my cart.  Out of obligation, I always walk the empty cart to the nearest cart return, which usually is the cart return located 15 paces from the entrance to the store.  I’ve now learned to 1st unload my cart of groceries, then return the cart with my daughter, and finally strap my young one up for the ride home.

Figure 1: my calculations

Montevideo, Uruguay

I’m no brain scientist, but I think cart returns should be in the middle region of the parking lot.  Such a design would be of benefit to both supermarket workers and the shoppers.  Shoppers wouldn’t have to walk to practically the entrance of the store to return a cart and workers wouldn’t have to collect the abandon carts off the “vegetation islands” in the middle of the lot.  Such a change would make roses grow straighter and fuller and, by my calculations (see figure 1), would decrease global warming by 1º F every April 22nd in Montevideo, Uruguay (I know right now your telling yourself, “He didn’t just go there.” and I’m saying, “Oh, yes I DID just go there.”)

My daughter has one of the most generous grandmothers.  She has really been a big help to my wife and me when we first made the move to Washington and she continues to help in any way she can.  Many times when we’re all traveling together on an outing or “eating out” she’ll offer to pay, and she will sincerely have the desire to pay when she makes the offer, but she has an uncanny ability to offer to pay and then “accidentally” find herself unable to pay.  She has been able to pull off this maneuver so frequently and in so many different ways that our response has become one of amusement and fascination.  I’m now of the mind that she is some sort of seasoned veteran of this very unique art form; a Jedi master of the “I’ll pay, oh I can’t pay!” slight of hand.  Listed below are a few of the techniques she has mastered.

1. The “I forgot my wallet at home” technique

"Oh silly me, I've forgotten my wallet at home!"

Not much to this one.  We’re at a restaurant and she reaches for the bill while the words, “I’ll get this one.” escape her lips.  She could be totally sincere and I’ll still pull out my wallet, because I know her to be a master of the “I forgot my wallet at home” double take.  Her generosity is legendary, but on this occasion it cannot manifest itself monetarily.  “Next time I’ll get it, Chris.  You remind me.”  Roger that, master…Jedi master…and poof I’ve forgotten what we we’re talking about.

2. The “I’ll pay with my Starbucks card, oh no!…It’s empty” technique

Okay, so we’re all in a Starbucks on a cold wet day and our little 3-year-old is asking grandma very sweetly, “chocolate milk please, gwanma.” (still working on those pesky R’s)  Grandma would like to treat us all to a tasty Starbucks beverage using her Starbucks card.  We are putty in her hands and fall hook, line and sinker.  The cashier takes her card and low and behold the card has 36 cents left on it.  At this point both Grandma and I reach for our wallets.  Guess where Grandma’s wallet is? (Hint: refer to technique 1)  “I’ll pick this one up, Grandma.”, thinking to myself, “She’s a genius and I fell right into that one.”

3. The “I have my credit card but I don’t have my ID” technique

This one’s kind of interesting.  We’re sitting in a drive-thru and Grandma offers to pay.  She passes up a credit card she has pulled out of either her pocket or her mythical wallet.  I don’t see how this could possibly go south.  For some reason I turn the card over and notice that the signature reads, “See ID”.

“See ID?”, I turn back and ask with a puzzled look on my face. She explains that She read or saw on TV somewhere that signing a credit card with this is safer for the card holder.  She proceeds to do the fake pat of her pockets to appear to be looking for her ID.  Well played, Grandma.  Well played.

4. The “I gave up spending money for lent” technique

This past year Grandmother decided to give up spending money for lent and so, for 40+ days, she commenced to eat random packages of food she found deep in her freezer and canned goods covered with dust found in the dark recesses of her pantry.  She also welcomed the generosity of her friends and family on occasion, and we were happy to take her out for a few meals during her endeavor to refrain from spending in the days leading up to Easter.

She is one of a kind; a marvel to behold really, and she has much to teach us.  I actually look forward to seeing what new and unique methods of evasion she has in store for us in the coming days and months.  The funny thing is she herself has no idea what her next new technique will be until we happen to be in the midst of the situation.  It’s as if she has some sort of mystical “force” flowing through her.

Note: This piece was written with love, respect and admiration for…and permission from my mother-in-law, who in all seriousness is quite generous and I’ll frown in the general direction of anyone who says otherwise.

Several people I know have seen the preview for the upcoming movie 2012 and have said things like “That movie’s gonna be terrible”, “That’s just over the top ridiculous.”, or “That looks so lame.”; but I’m of the opinion that impending disaster movies are exciting and fun to watch and I’m kind of looking forward to this addition to the genre.  After all it’s based on actual events that are likely to happen.

To those that don’t know, the Mayan Calendar ends on December 21, 2012 and to date the Mayan calendar has never been incorrect.  It signaled events like the invention of the piano,  the Grover Cleavland mayorship of Buffalo,  and the Crystal Pepsi failure.  In fact Nostradamus declared in quatrain 89 line 3:

Thou thinkest me full of it?, cast your gaze on the Mayan clock! - Nostradamus*

Crystal Pepsi Fate Fortold

Upon closer examination of the date, scientists tell us that there will be all sorts of astronomical alignments.  I’m trying to recall what I heard from a documentary I saw on television awhile back about the subject.  I think it said something like Ursa Major will line up with Jupiter, the Milky Way Galaxy will be in perfect alignment with the sun, Orion will mount Taurus and begin to swing his sword, and Bonnie Tyler will again experience a “total eclipse of the heart”.  I think the show ended with an infomercial selling a 2012 disaster preparedness kit.

Mayan Calendar "page 2" discovery, "Ha, those Mayan sure gave us all a fright" - Some scientist

So news flash: disaster strikes all mankind on December 21, 2012.  The big question is, what happens on December 22, 2012?  Does the universe start contracting?  Does the earth enter a second Ice Age?  Does an archeologist discover a “second page” to the Mayan calendar?  Perhaps a deus ex machina? Enter the upcoming documentary film 2012 staring John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Amanda Peet.  I mean if the world is going to align itself with Mars, Saturn and Algol and then disintegrate on all of us why not make a blockbuster film to commemorate the event?

2012 promises to be a disaster movie of the greatest pedigree, attempting feats that other disaster movies just didn’t have the stomach for.  For instance, has anyone ever attempted to destroy Los Angeles and crumble the remains into the ocean?  I haven’t seen it.  Independence Day blew up the U.S. Bank Tower in the middle of town with a big blue laser, which was cool to watch, but was not as gutsy as the mass destruction displayed in the 2012 preview.  A few movies have destroyed the planet outright, but I don’t think I’ve seen a destructive tale presented in such vivid detail as the upcoming 2012.

I think a recent post I saw on YouTube might have said it best, stating simply:

movies gonna be epic - PredatoryEagle101

The only thing I can think to add to P’s assessment is this: Few people realize that when pricked with a needle, the word “awesome” bleeds the movie 2012.

So is the movie over-the-top ridiculous? I suppose it might be, but let me ask you this: when you’re whacking at a piñata do you want to merely break a hole in the side and let the candy trickle out, or do you want to land a colossal blow and see hundreds of pieces of candy expand into the air and then fall to the ground?

*I just made this up, but the rest of this commentary is spot on.**

**Not really.

I was driving the other day and happened to witness a traffic enigma of sorts. I’ve only been a part of one of these puzzles once in all my years of driving and this particular instance was only my second time to actually witness the event; which is not to say that these phenomena happen infrequently. I may just not have been paying attention or I might not live in the right area of town. Whatever the reason is, I’ve only seen two.

Okay, with that said, I’m going to try and describe what this enigma entails. The driving circumstances need to be just right. Timing is critical. The set up involves at least two “victims of oblivity” being in the right place at the right time. I guess I’m being a bit cruel here calling two drivers “victims of oblivity” (I’m going to use the acronym VO from here on out. The acronym VOO is already taken and means something totally different.), but I’m at a loss for a term that describes a person that drives into the middle of an intersection when there is nowhere to go, and in so doing completely blocks the intersection. Perhaps it’s an innocent mistake.  Maybe these VOs are just ignorant to their surroundings at an inopportune moment in time (I’ve actually been one of these guys once or twice I’m ashamed to say.).  Maybe they’re running 5 minutes behind and think that it will be better for them to wait in the middle of traffic than at the appropriate stopping position.  Whatever the case, when these VOs do what they do, frustration erupts within surrounding vehicles.  Eventually a light turns green, traffic starts moving, and gradually the congested intersection clears up.  That is, unless there exists a second VO obstructing another nearby intersection.

The phenomena occurs when two VOs do their thing simultaneously, on the same stretch of road, but going the opposite direction whereby completely stopping traffic flow (See figure 1).

Figure 1

The event often happens at an interstate overpass (or underpass) where there exists two left turn lanes, side-by-side.  There are two rows of cars, one going one way, one going the other.  Both rows of cars are at an impasse because the lead car of both rows of traffic wants to turn left but cannot because a car has driven into the intersection and has blocked all traffic turning left.  The lights may change from red to green and back to red again and the vehicles remain gridlocked.  I believe the only solution to the mess is for one or more drivers to forfeit their desire to turn left and make a lane change to the right, whereby allowing one of the VOs in the middle of an intersection to travel beyond the intersection and free up space for another vehicle to make a successful left hand turn.  Once this is accomplished, the flow of traffic can slowly begin to move again and the phenomena evaporates into ordinary, boring, free-flowing traffic.

The one time I was a part of one of these I remember being quite frustrated to the point of pulling my hair out.  This last time I merely witnessed the phenomena, but was not an active member.  Seeing the mess in front of me was a somewhat enjoyable experience; like finding a four leaf clover, seeing a rainbow, or achieving a “tetris” in the classic computer game, Tetris (completing four rows at once).  The phenomena I’m witnessing is a man-made rarity, perhaps something to be marveled.  A traffic knot that will hold traffic in place until “loosened” by removing one or more vehicles.

Man-Made Marvels

In the time since I’ve seen this rare occurrence I’ve noticed other intersections such as the one below that appear to be designed to avoid the dreaded traffic knot of which I describe.  One direction of traffic still has to make a left turn through oncoming traffic, but the other direction of traffic averts the hassle and is provided a right hand turn option that loops around and gets them going in the desired direction.

Traffic Knot Evasion

The next time I find myself in one of these “Traffic Knot Enigmas” (What do you call these anyway?), I’d like to think that I’d consider it a rare privilege to be a part of such an event…that is, if I’m not in any great rush to get anywhere.  If that not be the case, I’ll probably resort to pulling my hair out in frustration.  Has anyone else been in or seen one of these things?

Canyon Ridge Trailhead

My daughter recently received a brand new pair of hiking boots from her grandmother, so on September 25^th, 2009 I decided to take her on a hiking adventure. This wasn’t our first hiking expedition. In fact, over the past several months we’ve had numerous outdoor explorations, and this particular outing would be a trial of the new boots. I thumbed through my Whatcom County hiking guide (a Christmas gift from my wife) and, based on a small black and white pic placed amongst the text, I decided on a destination called Canyon Ridge. It looked like it was pretty and we hadn’t been there before. We set out at about 10am (an early start for the two of us).

The road we took initially was route 542.  At around mile marker 32 we took a turn onto a one lane road that wound up the side of a ridge.  We followed this path for about seven miles and enjoyed the sites.  About halfway up we came across a park ranger who was stopped next to a pickup truck.  I thought our journey was over.  I rolled my window down and asked the officer if the road was closed off, but he told me that it wasn’t and that they were just speaking to the hunters about how their day was going.  “Hmm, a hunter area”, I thought to myself.  We continued our drive.

After following the 7 mile one lane road we began a 7 mile trek up a rough gravelly dirt road.  Shortly after turning onto the gravel road I told my 3-year-old passenger in the back seat, “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”  She assured me that it was and we continued on our journey.  The going was pretty slow at this point driving in a Honda on a road that was not constructed with Hondas in mind.  There were some spots that were a bit dicier than others, but about halfway up I heard the voice of reassurance from the back seat, “I like this place, Daddy.”  A little more than two hours from our 10am start we arrived at the Canyon Ridge Trail-head.

"Red" Berries

Climbing out of the car after such a long and arduous drive I think both my daughter and I felt a sense of accomplishment.  Surveying our surroundings we were eagerly looking forward to a hike in the wild expanses that lay all around us.  We both started down the trail, each with a grin on our faces.  Almost from the get go we stumbled across some pretty red berries of which my daughter was eager to sample.  “We probably shouldn’t eat those.  They might make us sick.  I’m just not sure what kind of berries those are, Sweety.”  I explained.  “They are red berries, Dad.” was her reply.  I found myself stumped and speechless, as I often do when I converse with this little one.  I took a picture of the berries and that seemed to suffice.  We continued down the trail.

My daughter often likes to discover mushrooms on our hikes so I was keen to show her all that I stumbled upon, being quick to point out that mushrooms we find on nature trails are not for eating either.  Continuing on, we discovered several more berry plants, flowers and varieties of mushrooms.

Pink Mushroom

Tree Mushrooms

Small Mushroom

After a good 30 or 40 minutes of hiking, my daughter wanted to be carried on my shoulders.  I obliged and we continued down the trail enjoying the sites, scents, and blue skies.  The trail began to wind downward along the ridge.  At a bend in the trail we stumbled upon an empty Oberto jerky bag and a pile of discarded animal entrails.  I put two and two together and figured we were in hunter territory.  I decided to turn back and head to the car, taking pictures of the sites along the way.

Arriving back at the car, we took a few more pictures, got strapped in and started our descent.  Heading down the gravel road I decided to time our journey from trail-head to paved road.  The seven-mile journey took us a good 45 minutes, granted I stopped a few times to take pictures.

About mid-way down the one lane road we drove up on a truck that was stopped with it’s passengers standing along the side of the road.  When they saw us drive up they got back in and drove for a bit.  After going a little further I noticed a larger bird fly in front of their truck.  The truck stopped and the driver jumped out.  He was handed a shotgun and he proceeded to take a shot at the bird that had just flown away.  He walked around to the back of his truck and took another shot in the direction of the bird.  I looked back at my daughter who was sleeping soundly and then looked again at the man with the shotgun thinking, “Hrmm…we might be stuck in the middle of the road for awhile.”  I was also thinking, “Is jumping out of your car and shooting at a bird from the roadside legal?”  About that time the truck passenger jumped out and climbed into the driver’s seat, drove up a bit, and let us pass.  We continued our journey down the ridge.  I kind of wish I had taken a picture of the guy shooting from the road right in front of us, but I think if he had seen me take a picture that might have gotten us in a sticky situation I didn’t really want to be in.

We finally made our way to one lane pavement, which in turn led to route 542.  Slowly the scenic views gave way to civilization and other people.  Our adventure was coming to its conclusion.  We arrived at home around 4:30pm.  I think next time I’ll look a little closer at the description of how difficult a destination is to get to, but I’m sure glad we made the trek…and made it back safe and sound.

The Mysterious Disney Vault

As a father of a young daughter I’ve become increasingly intrigued by the Disney Vault.  Every time we’re at the store I’m always curious as to see what new movie has made it out of the mysterious vault and on to the shelves, and with all the mystery surrounding the vault, one thing is relatively certain…Song of the South will never be released on DVD.

I was in the store just this past week and I saw what appeared to be a DVD copy of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I got a bit excited, because my daughter really enjoys this movie (we’ve checked out the library copy.  The library copy is a bit sketch and doesn’t play very well; skips and stops and what have you.). Upon closer inspection of the DVD box I finally figured out that the box was just something you could bring to the front of the store and buy to reserve your copy of a new “Diamond Edition” of the Disney classic, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The actual movie is set to come out on Blue Ray/DVD October 6th.

Diamond Edition watch

The Diamond Edition!?  Diamond Edition?  I guess someone had to be the first to be ballsy enough to go there.  I think up until now a product had to be covered in actual diamonds to be considered a diamond edition.  To even contemplate the creation of something as flawless and brilliant as to be classified as a “Diamond” edition baffles and astounds.  The mere attempt is awe inspiring.  I’m guessing credit cards, video games and gym memberships will follow suit.  I’m also guessing the Diamond Edition of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will undoubtedly clean my house for me, scratch my back, make me a tuna sandwich at the exact moment I begin to have a craving for one and complete me in all areas in which my life is lacking.  Maybe at the very least the new “Diamond Edition” will clean my DVD player and allow me to change Snow White’s hairstyle.  Diamond Edition.  Diamond Edition, are you kidding me?  Where else is there to go beyond Diamond, the hardest natural material known to man.  This Disney Blue Ray/DVD crafted to “Diamond”esque quality is sure to knock the socks off of both you and me.

Socks gone!

Experiencing Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs through the eyes of Sleepy Dwarf

So what will this “Diamond” Edition have that previous versions did not?  Well, I found a list of some of the features here, but I think Disney has some extra surprises up their sleeve for this “Diamond” of a film release.  Below is list of features sure to be on the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Diamond Edition Blue Ray/DVD.

How about viewing the movie from the perspective of each character in the film?  Until now I’ve merely sat and watched Disney’s first animated full length feature film.  Once the Diamond Edition comes out that’s all gonna change.  I’d like to experience the story unfold as seen through the eyes of each individual character, a feature undoubtedly a part of the version to end all versions.

What's this guys deal?

The new edition will have fully animated back-stories for each of the characters.  What’s the back story for that dude sent to kill Snow White?  Is his name Henry?  What does he do in his spare time?  What are his hobby’s?  Does he like his toilet paper to roll over or under?  Rest assured all will be revealed in the larger than life “Diamond” Edition.

Every aspect of the production process will be a part of the new version.  What did Walt Disney have for breakfast on the 52nd day of production?  Was it a rainy day when animator Robert Stokes drove to work on production day 18?  What color was his car?  Did the brakes in his car stick?  All these will be answered.  “Bah, surely not!” says you.  “This isn’t the platinum edition.”, says I.  “Why did you go all pirate talk just then?”, says you.  “I digress.”, says I.

The big question is, how long will we be afforded this new bejeweled edition of the Disney classic?  Hopefully the new edition will be allowed to stay on shelves for more than a few weeks, but with Disney who really knows.  We may just get one shot at this and then it’ll be back into the vault for 5 years?  10 years?  If you have a clue, then your guess is better than mine.