Her.meneutics

Don't Let Women's Ministry Turn People Into Projects

Michelle Van Loon — Mon, 17 June 2013 08:20:00 CST

The quest for mentorship to benefit us both.

When it comes to guidance for mentoring relationships among Christian women, it seems there's only one place to go: Titus 2.

I wonder if the Apostle Paul imagined his instructions on transmitting faith to the next generation would become a checklist for church mentorship in the 21st-century, as women try to teach others "to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God" (Titus 2:4-5).

In recent years, various iterations of these Titus 2-themed "matchmakers" programs and other church curricula have brought Christian women together for the sake of discipleship. Although Titus 2 includes similar coaching themes for the relationship between older men and younger ones, the chapter has become shorthand among evangelicals for "women only." Very few programs apply the relevant passages to brand men's ministry.

These mentorship programs, in some evangelical circles, replace older models of women's ministries, which relied on ladies lunches and women's retreats. In her Her.meneutics post entitled "Why It's Your Job To Break The Women's Ministry Sterotype," Sharon Hodde Miller observed that the "doilies and teacups" events—ones often light on content, heavy on large group socializing—are fading away. These gatherings are, at best, a gateway for the kind of relationships Paul described to Titus… but, thanks be to God, they're certainly not the only point of entry.

Bible studies, book groups, and ministries bring the women of the church together, and in these settings, cross-generational relationships ...

Bless These Hands That Instagram My Food

Rachel Marie Stone — Fri, 14 June 2013 08:22:00 CST

Michael Pollan and today's foodie culture make home cooking hip.

Lord, bless this food, and bless the hands that prepared it…

As far back as I can remember, whenever I heard this particular cliché in a mealtime prayer, I'd involuntarily picture a pair of magically disembodied hands, white and fluffy like Mickey and Minnie's gloves, hovering over the kitchen counter, chopping carrots, lifting pot covers, and sweeping minced onions into pans of sizzling oil. "Why are we blessing the hands?" I'd think. "Why not the rest of the person?" It seemed a strange way to bless someone, especially at church dinners, where we all knew the women whose hands had prepared the food, and who, quite often, did the serving and cleaning up as well. Even so, this blessing did evoke the hidden nature of so much domestic work. It still does

Emily Matchar recently took author Michael Pollan to task for blaming women for the decline of home cooking. She notes that in his popular book The Omnivore's Dilemma, Pollan insists that appreciating cooking "was a bit of wisdom that some American feminists thoughtlessly trampled in their rush to get women out of the kitchen." His take resembles Barbara Kingsolver's, who in her memoir of local eating claims that the food industry essentially encouraged women to devalue home cooking as they sought equality in the workplace.

Pollan's newest book, Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation, consciously takes a few steps back from that harsh assessment of feminism's impact on home cooking, noting that while women's liberation is sometimes blamed for the decline in home cooking, the actual situation is more complicated. The decline, he writes, also involves the remarketing of prepared food after ...

Don't Tell Emily Post: Guests Are Paying For Weddings Now

Laura Ortberg Turner — Thu, 13 June 2013 07:45:00 CST

Have we taken the whole register-for-whatever-you-want thing too far?

After I got engaged, my sister gave me a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette—the 1950 version. It was half joke and half research, fascinating to comb through its musty pages to learn, for instance, how to introduce myself to a reigning sovereign should the Queen of England deign to attend my wedding. ("Mrs. Jones bows and, if the king offers to shake hands, Mrs. Jones bows again deeply as she gives him her hand.")

It's hard to imagine what Post herself, the queen of manners and doing the right thing, would say about weddings today. Wedding registries didn't even become de rigeur until a bit later in the 20th century. Up until that time, wedding guests chose from a socially prescribed list of household items—candlesticks, trays, china, and so on. The point of a wedding gift was that it was freely given, like all the best gifts are.

Now, of course, registries are the norm. Brandishing bar code scanners in department stores and clicking off Amazon wishlists have become engagement rites of passage. While registries are immensely helpful—who wants to end up with multiple cheese boards?—they have also opened the floodgates for all sorts of once unheard-of wedding requests. Honeymoon registries became popular, then savings registries to help pay for a down payment or a house renovation. It was only a matter of time before couples began asking for help with that other big expense: the wedding itself.

Strapped-for-cash couple can now setup onlineregistries to solicit donations to pay for their wedding, in lieu of traditional gifts. It's not a mainstream thing for weddings (yet?), but it's happening. A friend pointed me to an example, where the bride and groom ask guests to ...

The Sunday Sports Dilemma

Megan Hill — Wed, 12 June 2013 08:20:00 CST

The practice young athletes really need? Worship.

A few weeks ago, our son's baseball team played its last inning, and his coach walked to the bleachers. He wanted to nominate our son for the all-star team. It's a thrill for any boy who loves the game like ours does: a chance for a summer's worth of at-bats, dugout chatter, travel to other towns, and improved skills.

With games on Sundays.

This was the first time our family had to confront the issue of Sunday sports, but, with three athletic children, it won't be the last. Pastors say children's sports have become the biggest challenge to church attendance for American families.

The idea that Chariots of Fire runner Eric Liddell made it all the way to the 1924 Olympic Games before being asked to compete on a Sunday seems almost quaint. Today, the littlest T-ball player is routinely expected to show up on Sunday, and the demands only escalate as children get older.

The Association of Religion Data Archives recently reported that some churches have responded to the loss of families by adding alternative service times on Saturday, so church members can attend both sports and worship. Additionally, many churches have increased their offerings of sports-related activities, hoping to appeal to families who prioritize athletic involvement.

While churches and parents who endorse Sunday sports may think they've found a solution for their families, postponing worship-focused Sundays until after the season is finished forces children miss out the spiritual life lessons they need to learn right now. "For while bodily training is of some value," says 1 Timothy 4:8, "godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also the life to come."

Sports ...

The Awkward-but-Important HPV Vaccine Conversation

Jennifer Grant — Tue, 11 June 2013 08:00:00 CST

Why I changed my mind about vaccinating my kids—boys and girls.

Truth is (if you'll forgive my use of a conversation-starter favored by tweens and teens), I wasn't always a champion of the HPV vaccine. I did, however, eventually change my mind and had all four of my kids vaccinated.

As a number of recent studies show, I'm not alone. More parents are accepting the vaccine after learning about the long-term dangers of the human papillomavirus for both women and men, as Michael Douglas' recent admissions underscored. Though the focus was on girls during the vaccine's early years, insurance companies now routinely cover the cost of the vaccine for both girls and boys, my pediatrician told me.

I didn't really enjoy learning certain intimate details about Douglas' sexual history, but I'm grateful he brought the issue of men and HPV back into the national conversation. Plenty of Americans parents continue to dismiss the need to get their daughters vaccinated and don't even consider the series of shots for their sons.

I was there once. My initial reticence over the HPV vaccine probably comes from how I first heard of it, years ago during a dinner with a few fellow moms. One said that some girls on her daughter's soccer team had approached another mom after learning she was a nurse. These girls were concerned, you see, about some strange warts they'd found in their mouths. When the nurse-mom took a look, she saw what she knew to be signs of sexually transmitted infections.

Warts in their mouths? Suddenly I'd lost my appetite. "And, as for the boys they were with, those warts will be on their – well, you know…" my friend said. "It was human papilloma virus. From oral sex." At the time, my oldest child was ...

Thrill of the Chaste: Our Amish Romance Fantasies

Angie Ryg, guest writer — Mon, 10 June 2013 07:47:00 CST

Summer’s hottest titles lure us into dreaming of the simple life.

Women have always longed for the men of romance novels. In some ways, that's what romance novels are for. The latest romance subgenre, though, has its own effects. Not only may readers of Amish fiction compare their husbands' bodies to a hunky hero like Levi Yoder, but also their own households to the bucolic, romanticized Amish life.

As I started reading these so-called bonnet-rippers, I found myself glancing across the bed at my husband, thinking:

"How come you don't lead daily Bible time with the kids?" (Never mind he does it once in a while.)

"Do you even cherish me like Christ does the church?" (Never mind he just wrote me a beautiful Mother's Day card.)

"When was the last time you took me to a barn raising and got me cold lemonade even though the Bishop said I was too young?" (Okay, that one's totally an Amish thing.)

Chapters deep into unrealistic expectations, I started feeling like my husband wasn't enough of a spiritual leader and that I wasn't enough of a hospitable, home-cooking wife. Don't get me wrong. I tried the simple life. I homeschooled our kids. I even made my own bread… once. I long for the less-hurried life, and it seems I am not alone.

Today's readers want to escape the pace of hypermodern life, and living vicariously through the lives of the Amish offers one way to do so, according to Valerie Weaver, author of Thrill of the Chaste: The Allure of Amish Romance Novels.

These books, depicted with sunny rural settings and demure women, have replaced the champagne glasses and hot pink covers of chick lit titles. According to the Los Angeles Review of Books, a new Amish romance novel hit the market every four days ...

Confessions of That Mom, the One on Her Phone

Caryn Rivadeneira — Fri, 7 June 2013 08:00:00 CST

A work-from-home parent during summer vacation.

Just to prepare you: This summer, I will be that mom, the one looking at her phone as her kids run through the neighborhood, swim in the pool, climb at the park, hit balls, shuffle off to Buffalo, lie in the sand, and rumble along on train rides.

I will check e-mail, respond to texts, read Facebook, and take calls during all of these activities—and more!—while motioning to my children to hush or give me just a minute. I will do this without guilt or shame, no matter how hard some may try to make me feel bad for it.

Some like blogger Tonya Ferguson, for instance, whose "Dear Mom on the iPhone" column offered judgmental, unmerciful words toward us phone-checking moms. And like Kid President, who opened his Ten Things Every Mom Needs to Know video with his precocious command to "put down the phone." (Kid recovered a bit with his silly-sass mouth humor… but still.) The message is clear: Moms are not to look at phones when in the presence of our children. Our eyes should be for our kids only.

Here's the thing, though. I do like to look at my children. I like to watch them whirl and twirl at parks, like Ferguson says we need to be doing. I like to watch them make funny videos, like Kid President would want. If I didn't have my phone or I didn't check it, I'd be actually watching my kids a lot less, since I'd probably have to be in an office.

My phone allows me to be engaged with my kids more than it distracts me from them. When my husband gave me a Blackberry for my birthday seven or so years ago, he gave me more than a phone. He gave me freedom. Until then, as a work-from-home mom of three tiny kids, I felt tethered to the house—or at least, my computer.

Every rushed pre-Blackberry playdate had me stressed, my thoughts ...

Our Unhealthy Obsession with Pastors

Luma Simms, guest writer — Thu, 6 June 2013 08:00:00 CST

A truncated view of ministry actually discourages women’s involvement.

In today's ongoing debate over women's leadership in the church, the discussion has focused on God's intention for men and women and which of them can preach, teach, and lead. But we've overlooked another factor: how the pulpit has become a coveted idol of contemporary Christianity.

Many of us have come to believe, consciously or unconsciously, that the man standing up front every Sunday is the only one doing real ministry. Sure, our church might have a "music minister," a "children's minister," and so on, but we see those positions as ancillary. We have made the pastorate and church eldership idolized positions. We have turned preaching into the enviable celebrity focus of ministry. I'm afraid that in this Internet age, mass-media pastors (deserving as they may be of accolades and honor) have often become an ill-fitting archetype for what congregants expect of their local ministry.

Of course, preaching the word remains a central point of Christian ministry, but we have celebrated it at the expense of minimizing and diminishing many other ministerial works. We tend to elevate the position of pastor to an unhealthy level that I believe was unintended in the New Testament, where we are told that all the saints are to be equipped for work and service. Ephesians 4:11–12 says:

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.

Yes, we should open the doors for women to participate in the body of Christ through effective, meaningful, productive ministry, and we urgently need to.

In her Relevant Magazine article, "Why We Need More Women In Ministry," ...

Immodesty All Over the Map

Rachel Marie Stone — Wed, 5 June 2013 10:01:00 CST

Putting breasts in cultural context.

A North American evangelical woman walking the streets of Zomba, Malawi—where I live—might assume that women here are immodest. Spend any length of time talking to a woman with a baby of nursing age, and you're almost certain to see her take her entire breast out of her shirt and offer it to her baby.

I've seen women walk along the street like that, a cloth snugly holding the baby in place while he sucks away. No one bats an eye. But when women wear shorts or skirts above the knee, everyone—men, women, even children—has a hard time not staring.

It's not so hard to imagine how, in this context, knees became coded as more private than breasts. In a place where the birth rate is high, a single can of formula costs at least two week's wages, and privacy is hard to come by, nursing in public is pretty much a necessity. Breasts can't be regarded as for the bedroom only. The concept of modesty certainly exists, but it's more often applied to women's hemlines than their necklines.

This setting is just one example. As we travel across the globe, we see what constitutes modest varies from place to place, and in certain contexts, women feel no shame about exposing their breasts. Exposing your knees or elbows in one culture might be like putting "glitter on your boobs" in ours. Recently, blogger Sharideth Smith on the Rage Against the Minivan used the example of a woman who became furious with a man for noticing her glitter-garnished cleavage to make the point that while "women can wear whatever they like," Sharideth doesn't think that they should "treat all men like predators when it gets noticed." Sarah Moon protested that Sharideth was ...

Grace for the Not-Quite-Happy Homemaker

Courtney Reissig — Wed, 5 June 2013 08:05:00 CST

Gloria Furman’s call to find joy at home, through the gospel.

For many wives and mothers, the to-do lists never end. Their days get fuller and busier, but deep in their hearts, they still somehow feel bored and ordinary. They're doing enough things to leave them exhausted each night, but are they doing big enough things for Jesus?

It happens to 21st-century working women and stay-at-home moms in the suburbs. Any woman who finds her work mundane and ordinary could be tempted toward discouragement. But Gloria Furman is here to say—gracefully and with so much heart—"Not so fast, ladies."

In her new book, Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home, she encourages women to see that the endless quest for bigger and better things is not necessarily what the Christian life is all about. Thankfully, she doesn't add anything else to our to-do lists, instead, she offers a new perspective on our everyday lives:

Glimpses of Grace is about the "already, but not yet" time in God's redemptive history. Jesus is alive—he is not in the grave…I used to believe that this journey of sanctification—the adventure of God working in me, both to will and to work for his good pleasure (Phil. 2:13)—would only be accomplished when I am free from the "distractions' of my life."

The reality is that while our lives are hardly distraction-free, God is always working to make us more like him and show us more of himself—even in the seemingly mundane. I spoke with her about her new book and how we can treasure Christ even when our life seems far too ordinary.