Hanging with friends at Fort Mason, San Francisco

Hey Readers! Welcome to Part 3 of “Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s… What I Wish I Knew During My 20s.” Yup. In just a few weeks, I’m going to be saying goodbye to my 20s forever as my 30^th birthday approaches. To celebrate this milestone, I’m sharing what I wish I knew in my 20s, and the 30 things every 20-something should know by 30.

In my first post, I mentioned that reading the Huffington Post’s “30 Things Women Should Have and Know By 30” (written in the mid-90′s) inspired me to create a relevant version of that post for 20 somethings of 2012. I talked about how the challenges and situations 20-somethings face in 2012 are way different than those who spent their 20s growing up during the booming 90s.

Last week, I featured the first 18 of 30 lessons I wish I knew about careers and life. This week features the final 11 out of 30 lessons I wish I knew in my 20s about friendships, relationships, and dating:

Lesson #19: On being selective
#1 rule about dating: In addition to chemistry and common interests, it’s important to focus on the values and qualities you are looking for in the other person. You have the right to be selective and picky! Never settle just because you are lonely or afraid of being alone.

With my besties who've been there through thick and thin

Lesson #20: On maintaining friendships
Relationships will come and go, but your girlfriends, buddies, and friends will always be there for you. Don’t neglect your friends or forget them when you get into a serious relationship. If your relationship ends, you won’t have a friendly shoulder left to lean on.

Lesson #21: On booster relationships                                                                                There will be people who stick to you because you simply make them feel good about themselves, but they aren’t interested in you. Women, there will be guys who try to reel you back in to see if they “have” you. And guys, there will be women who stick around  because they’re  showered with affection and gifts. Don’t get suckered in. This isn’t real love.

He said, she said... the art of deciphering text messages

Lesson #22: On the chase
No matter how exciting it may be, don’t chase too hard. Guys will climb mountains for girls they’re into, and women are never “too busy” for guys they dig. If it’s really meant to be, it will still meet you half way and “click.” You should never have to try so hard.

Lesson #23: On “dating yourself” when you are single                             Some people jump in and out of relationships. Others date just for the sake of dating because they need to be with someone to feel complete, or they’re afraid to be alone.  There will be times when you feel that everyone is in a serious relationship or you’re the only single person attending wedding after wedding. But there’s something very empowering about staying single, discovering yourself, and “dating yourself” when you’re young and in your 20s. Try to learn how to be 100% content and independent on your own before you depend on someone else for your happiness.

Lesson #24: On promises
Always under promise and over-deliver. And never make promises you can’t keep.

St. Patty's Day 2010

Lesson #25: On letting go
Be prepared to let go throughout your 20s. People will move back home to be closer to their families… friends will get into serious relationships or get married… and others will move away for grad school or new jobs. There’ll be times when you miss your friends or you feel that you’re being left behind. Hold onto the good memories and the good times you had, but also embrace the exciting changes you are going through. Most importantly, don’t get so caught up in the past that you’re missing out on the present that’s right in front of you!

Lesson #26: On parents
Nobody had the perfect childhood. Parents are only human, and they will make mistakes every now and then. Embrace your parents, appreciate them, and be thankful for everything they’ve provided.

Lesson #27: On positive and encouraging relationships
Surround yourself with individuals who are positive, uplifting, and make you a better person. Negative people are energy vampires! Stay clear of them as much as you can.

Lesson #28: On giving and receiving
Celebrate people’s successes, and sympathize with their losses during tough times. Compromise and good communication are the keys to success in any partnership and relationship, or those Craigslist roommates!

Lesson #29: On character and killing meanness with kindness                                Kill meanness with kindness. You will realize that rude and disrespectful people are generally unhappy and miserable individuals underneath, compensating for personal issues. If someone tries to ruin your day and makes you think “Why me?”, try not to take it personally. It’s usually about them and their personal issues, not you.

Good friends, and good wine at SF Chronicle Wine Tasting Competition

Lesson #30: On enjoying the moment
When my grandparents passed away several years ago, or I found out sad news about high school acquaintances who suddenly died, I learned that life really is short.

Let go of the little stuff and pick and choose your battles. Don’t let anxiety or fear drive you. Enjoy each and every moment you have, and stop worrying so much. After all, they said life really begins when you turn 30!

What were some of the biggest lessons you learned in your 20s about friendships, relationships, and dating? If you could go back and change things, what would that be? Share your stories with other readers here! And I hope you enjoyed my list of 30 things I wish I knew in my 20s!

Next week, we’re going to have a little bit of fun as I recap some kick@$$ birthdays I threw in my 20s, and tell you about the pivotal “aha” moments experienced each year. If you are also a 20-something who experienced the ups and downs of the recession these past few years, you could probably relate… Thanks for stopping by!

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Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s Series:

1. Video Post: Intro to Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew in My 20s
2. Part 2: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew About Careers and Life
3. Part 3: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew About Friendships, Relationships, and Dating
4. Part 4: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s… Recap of Kick@$$ Birthdays and “Aha” moments in the 20s

Young professionals everywhere live in a vastly different world, and while there are many things I wouldn’t change about my experiences as a 20-something living and figuring things out in San Francisco, there are a few things I wished I had known beforehand.

Look familiar?

Here are the first 18 of the top 30 lessons every 20-something should know by 30, career and life lessons:

Lesson #1: On trusting the gut
The #1 Rule about careers, relationships, and just about anything in life is to trust your gut. I know it sounds cliché but it’s true. Your instincts are usually, if not always, right.

Lesson #2: On life after college
When you graduate from college, you think that the world is all flowers and roses and that people will always be there to guide you and look out for your best interests. But the reality is that nobody other than yourself is responsible for you. So learn how to be self-sufficient. You’re on your own.

Lesson #3: On relationships
Life is really all about building and maintaining strong relationships. Your network IS your net worth. After the recession, we saw that our jobs and careers could come and go on a whim. But what doesn’t disappear are those relationships you’ve built along the way. Learn to cultivate and cherish those relationships you’ve built. People you’ve worked with can help you, and you can help them.

Lesson #4: On networking
Most people view networking as a short-term transaction. They think, “What can you do for me?” and “What’s in it for me?” But networking really should be about “How can I help YOU?” So generously connect people who you feel should meet one another. And reach out to others without them even asking for help. When you help others and make a difference without tallying or keeping score, you’ll find yourself overwhelmed by how much other people want to help you in return. Especially when you need it the most.

(See “How To Build And Maintain Long-Term Relationships.“)

Lesson #5: On shortcuts
Cutting corners in your career will give you the short-term gain. However if you’re cutting corners at the expense of your integrity and others, be prepared to face the repercussions. No one will help you when you fall if you burn them along the way. Focusing on the long-term by conducting your career through integrity and honesty may not yield immediate results, but you will build strong relationships with your clients and colleagues. It always pays off in the long run.

Lesson #6: On work
Work hard, be persistent, tenacious, and patient. Most importantly work smart.

(See “The Power of Persistence and Tenacity.“)

Lesson #7: On partnerships
Partner strategically with people who complement your strengths and weaknesses to create your dream team.

(See “Lessons Learned Organizing a Sonoma Party Limo Bus: How to Partner Strategically with Your Dream Team.“)

Lesson #8: On asking for help
As in, it is OKAY to. Don’t be shy. It’s good practice in the long run.

Lesson #9: On kindness
Be kind to people regardless of title or experience on your way up the career ladder. You never know where the intern or junior team member will be 10 years from now. And if you treated them badly, they will most certainly remember.

Lesson #10: On humility
Show your gratitude and be thankful for those who help you and make a difference.

Lesson #11: On identity
Your job and career can disappear in an instant, so don’t rely on it to define who you are. Family, friends, health, beliefs, and integrity are what makes you you, not your job title.

(See “How The Recession Changed Gen Yers.”)

Lesson #12:  On courage
What do you have to lose? Give things a shot rather than cower and be left with a slew of what-ifs. Take those chances and live the life you want so that you can look back 20+ years from now and have no regrets.

Lesson #13: On the rat race
Despite being in sunny and laid back California, San Francisco and Silicon Valley really are an unassuming rat race where everyone’s racing to the top to achieve an IPO, M&A, or venture funding. Racing to the top will eventually burn you out. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual balance is the key to everything. So is moderation.

Lesson #14: On serendipity
Things have a way of falling into the place the way it should, even if it doesn’t make any sense at the time.

Lesson #15: On practicality
A lot of young professionals give into peer pressure and get caught up in the city’s lifestyle splurging on expensive rent, dining out, and partying. It’s important to save money, spend smartly, and live below your financial means.

Lesson #16: On laughter
Take your career, profession, and education very seriously… but never, never take yourself too seriously. Most importantly, learn how to laugh at yourself.

Lesson #17: On pacing
Don’t be in such a rush to grow up. Take your sweet time getting to know yourself better. You have the rest of your life to settle down.

(See “What’s the rush? Lessons Learned About Life After College During NCAA Football Season.”)

Lesson #18: On the cycle of life
Life is cyclical. You will go through those years where everything clicks and falls into place. Then you will go through years when you feel like Miles in Sideways because nothing you do is ever right or that everything is falling apart. You’ll go through the end of a relationship or friendship, lose a job, or experience major losses like a family member, or beloved pet. Sometimes those losses happen all at once.

Keep your head up during those toughest moments.

When life is back on an upswing, you will realize that hitting rock bottom and experiencing the worst of the worst times only helped you appreciate the best of the best.

You won’t see it at the time, but it will ALL be worth it in the end because it strengthens you, and builds your character.

Readers, what were some major lessons about careers and life you learned in your 20s? What did you wish you had known? Be sure to share them in the comments below!

Stay tuned for the remaining half of the list of things you should know before you turn 30. Next week’s focus? Friendships, relationships, and dating!

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Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s Series:

1. Video Post: Intro to Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew in My 20s
2. Part 2: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew About Careers and Life
3. Part 3: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew About Friendships, Relationships, and Dating
4. Part 4: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s… Recap of Kick@$$ Birthdays and “Aha” moments in the 20s

Hey Readers! Thanks for checking out Part 1 of my new series, “Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s… What I wish I knew in my 20s.” I mentioned in my video post that reading the Huffington Post’s “30 Things Women Should Have and Know By 30” (written in the mid-90′s) inspired me to create a relevant version of that post for the Gen Yers of 2012.

By the time we are 30, we’re expected:

• to be married with children,
• to have bought a home (or condo,)
• to be at a certain high point in our careers whether that means being finished with grad school, or occupying highly sought after positions in our companies.

The reality is that it’s a very different time.

Many of us witnessed the aftermaths of 9/11, Enron scandals, and the Great Recession of 2008. At the speed of text messages, tweets, or pins no less. We saw our family and relatives, friends and colleagues lose their jobs.

We lost our jobs as well.

This created a different reality for us. We thought:

• “What’s the point of working this hard if everything could be lost at the mercy of the economy?”
• “What’s really important to us beyond my career and job title?”
• “Are we making these important life decisions for ourselves, or to meet other people’s expectations?”

We really started to dig deep into these questions.

The conclusion we came up with? That making a difference, having integrity, and strong character is way more important than only focusing on our career successes and making money. That it’s better to wait and to take our sweet time rather than to settle to meet other people’s expectations.

As a young professional myself, I’ve worked hard and played hard in San Francisco straight out of college. I’ve been through my career highs from getting my dream jobs at dream companies, to getting into my top choice grad school… to my career lows getting laid off and being unemployed for months during the height of the recession.

(With some of my besties at my buddy’s epic 30th birthday bash.)

(San Francisco Fleet Week rooftop party with my girls.)

I had way too much fun partying until the wee hours of the morning in the city with friends. But, I also experienced many losses. My friends moved away for jobs or grad school out of state and I saw girlfriends disappear after getting into serious relationships. I felt lonely being far away from my family, and I felt guilty for not being able to watch my niece grow up.

I had my career successes… but I job hopped.

I rented flats in trendy San Francisco neighborhoods… but didn’t purchase a condo. (For some Gen Yers, sometimes there is no other choice but to move back home with family because of the dire economy. It isn’t their fault.)

And I’m currently in an amazing relationship with a wonderful guy, but we’re taking our time getting to know each other rather than rushing.

(With my boyfriend at House of Prime Rib. Yum!)

Is job hopping, renting, and waiting to settle wrong? No.

Would I change anything knowing what I do now? Absolutely not. It’s completely OK to take your time making important decisions that work for YOU. Most importantly, it’s completely OK to continue growing, making mistakes, and learning from these experiences.

Next week I’ll be sharing my personal tips and lessons learned being a 20-something in the last decade… telling you what I wish I HAD known. Stay tuned for Part 2!

Readers, what did you learn in your 20′s, and what did you wish you had known when you were 25? 

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If you liked this video post and blog, also check out “What’s the Rush? Lessons Learned About Life After College During NCAA Football Season.”

Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s Series:

1. Video Post: Intro to Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew in My 20s
2. Part 2: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew About Careers and Life
3. Part 3: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s. What I Wish I Knew About Friendships, Relationships, and Dating
4. Part 4: Goodbye 20s, Hello 30s… Recap of Kick@$$ Birthdays and “Aha” moments in the 20s