O

Prayer: Dear Lord, as we gather this week to celebrate your birth, help me to embrace your crazy grace. Empower me to love my family members where they are right now. Give me the grace to overlook the obvious, love the unlovable and accept the unacceptable. May I demonstrate Your grace to those who need it most. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

What is your giant?       What is in your hand?

When my two young boys were in a car wreck in 1998, I was faced with the biggest giant of my life. Could I forgive my ex-husband for driving under the influence of several narcotics? Could I forgive him for being responsible for the death of our youngest son, Jake? Could I forgive him for putting our other son, Garrett, in Children’s Hospital with multiple injuries?

I don’t think I had any choice.

When David was faced with the giant, listen to his words: “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”

I wasn’t a shepherd boy, but I had experience fighting things that threatened to take my life. For the ten years prior to the accident, the Lord delivered me from the paw of oppression and abuse. I had to believe that He would also deliver me from the hand of the giant of grief. Otherwise, the giant would kill me instead.

Most people fight giants with the armor of this world. The world’s response to tragedy and injustice is often revenge and justified anger.

When David went to fight the giant, Saul gave him his armor, but it weighed too much for David. He couldn’t move around in it. Instead, he chose to use what was familiar to him. His weapons were different. He used five smooth stones.

Likewise, the weapons of this world were too heavy for me. I couldn’t move around in bitterness and the world’s justice. Instead, I picked up God’s weapons to fight my giant—5 smooth stones to hit the enemy between the eyes and knock him down to the ground. It doesn’t sound very ladylike, but then—I chopped his big ole ugly head off!

Here are my five smooth stones:

• Greater is He is me than he that is in the world.
• He that dwells in the secret place will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He shall command His angels concerning me to guard me in all of my ways. No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
• God makes all things work together for His good.
• His grace is sufficient. His power is perfected in our weakness.
• He gives me a garment of praise for a spirit of despair.

You don’t need the weapons of this world. God’s word is more powerful than a two-edged sword. Get out your five smooth stones and get ready to cut off your giant’s head!

Would you please do me a big prayer favor? My ex-husband is back in the hospital. He needs a revelation that God’s power and grace is sufficient for him as well. The best ending to this story would be to see Bob set free from the giant of addiction and false beliefs of failure that have consumed his life. Would you pray that Bob's life would be radically transformed by not just the head knowledge of God’s power, but the transforming power of God manifest in his life through complete deliverance? I’d love to have a multitude witness the miracle of God restoring his life. It’s never too late!

In case you're wondering, due to the sensitive nature of this story, Chicken Soup editors asked me to change the names in this story and use a pen name. 

Make a comment for your chance to win a free copy. Be sure to leave your email address so I can contact you if I draw your name on Friday!

Want to double your chances to win? Share this link on your Facebook page. (Just be sure to let me know you did in your comment.) http://christyjohnson.org/tissuesforyourissues

As a single woman, did you ever have a daydream like this? You’re at the grocery store and out of nowhere you see the best looking guy you ever saw in your life. Immediately, your mind goes on autopilot. You give him a history. You imagine that he is single, unattached, definitely Christian, rich beyond measure and looking for you. He’s sensitive, caring, generous and ready for a relationship.

Your head is spinning. Your heart starts beating faster.

You watch the way he carefully selects just the right red pepper. Ah ha! He’s a great cook too! Just what you wanted. You can see it now. He pulls into your driveway in his perfectly detailed BMW, arrives with a fresh bouquet of exotic flowers (not roses—they’re too common) and you spend the evening cooking in the kitchen together after a perfect day at work. After dinner he drops down on one knee, pops out the bling and the next day all of your friends gasp at the two-carat engagement ring he just put on your finger.

From produce to proposal, in a matter of five seconds, you’ve imagined an entire movie! Why then do you have so much trouble believing and embracing a God-inspired vision?

When I was a young girl, I had a lot of dream smashers, so I soon learned to be ashamed of my dreams. Who was I anyway? I was ordinary. I was convinced I was a nobody, so I learned to discount my dreams and never gave them any merit. I learned to think it silly to dream—that it was a waste of time because my dreams were only fantasies and inconceivable illusions.

But let’s look at the foundation of our dreams. Let’s look at where dreams or imaginations come from.

Without vision, my people perish (Proverbs 29:18).

The ability to imagine is an amazing God given gift. Truth be known, some of our imaginations are merely diva dramas, but God gives us divine dreams to propel us toward our future. God is the author of imagination. He is the creator of dreams and vision.

When God puts His imagination in your heart, it will be something you can’t accomplish on your own. The vision will be beyond your own grasp, something you need the power of God to accomplish.

God gives you imaginations to give you vision…
Hope for the future…
Motivation to continue…
God gives you imaginations to make you a victor!

But it’s up to you to make the decision to follow God’s vision.

What will you decide?

One of the easiest ways you can tell the difference between sane and vain imaginations is to take a step back and examine how your thoughts and imaginations make you feel. Take notice if your thoughts make you feel:

• Anxious
• Discouraged
• Ashamed
• Depressed
• Inadequate
• Guilty
• Prideful
• Fearful
• Confused

Negative emotions are good indicators that your thoughts are not from God. If your imaginations are filling you with hope for the future, encouragement or motivation to go further in life, chances are your imaginations are surrendered to the obedience of Christ.

Positive emotions are good indicators that your thoughts are from God, however, just because a thought makes you feel good does not mean it is a righteous imagination. Any thought that makes you feel good, fills you with hope and produces the fruit of confidence, but does not honor scripture is a vain imagination.

For example, you meet someone on Match.com or E-Harmony. Before you know much about him, you allow your mind to fill in the blanks. Soon your mind is obsessed with romantic thoughts at the anticipation of a relationship. The imagination makes you feel good and fills you with hope and confidence, but until you know whether or not this man has character and integrity, your hope and confidence are based on assumptions. They are merely based on a weak platform of illusion.

Another way to tell the difference between vain and sane imaginations is to judge the fruit of your dreams. What is your imagination producing? Any farmer will tell you that a tree is known by the fruit it produces. The Bible agrees. So what is your imagination producing? Do the things you imagine fuel your purpose? Do they line up with scripture? These are great clues to help you discover the origin of your imagination.

Give your imaginations the Philippians 4:8 test. Measure your thoughts against this standard: Are your thoughts:

• True
• Noble
• Right
• Pure
• Lovely
• Admirable
• Excellent
• Praiseworthy

If your thoughts meet the test—think on such things! Strengthening your imagination begins by getting in alignment with God’s vision and keeping your focus on that vision. Take notice of your thoughts and cast out the ones that don’t belong.

Listen to entire session:
How to Develop a Godly Imagination

None could compare to her glitz and glamour,
an icon held in high esteem.
But as she rose to fame and fortune
her passion veered into obsession.

Others tried to be just like her,
studying her looks and charm.
On the cover of every magazine,
they envied her wealth and form.
When flaws were exposed
they were airbrushed and camouflaged;
it was all about image.

As imperfection increased
endeavors to conceal were amplified.
Improving the external
was of prime importance.

The weight of perfection
consumed her life
until one day she looked inside
and nothing was there.

Her soul endured a slow demise,
not apparent at first,
but when the vanity of fame
revealed the poverty of her heart,
the inside crumbled
by the burden of expectations.

Her fame could not support
the deteriorating abyss
her soul warred against.
The inevitable collapse revealed
an age old battle
between image and reality.

When the two worlds collided
her soul refused surrender.
Her crippled inner-me became
her constant enemy.

Even so, Holly remains a legend.
Her name stands still
high on the hills.
In giant white letters 45 feet tall,
her allure calls out…

“Welcome to Hollywood.”

Tabloids tout the shining stars of Hollywood, but is it wrong to be a star? Is fame a faulty foundation? Is it off track to be an icon and set the standard?

Let’s look at what the scriptures say. Philippians 2:15 says that we are to be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which we shine like stars in the universe. We are supposed to be the stars! And we’re supposed to be famous. In fact, Hebrews devotes an entire chapter to those who were famous. The purpose of fame, however, has nothing to do with us. It’s so the world can see Jesus! We were created to be a trophy of his grace and a display of His splendor (Is 61:4) in order to spread His Fame and to be a light to the world. Our fame is only for His glory!

So let’s be the famous stars setting the standards for the world. Let’s take our place as the icons of cultural identity. I’m challenging all of us to take our role seriously, to be set apart and become the standard for this world (Romans 12:2).

If we would remove the idol of HollyWood, Holy Would we see.

If we would stop identifying with the culture of HollyWood, Holy Would we be.

If we would take HollyWood off the hill we’ve put her on, Holy Would the world see.

Let’s be the light God created us to be!

On July 29, 2011, I’m giving away one of my recent projects—a shabby chic French country style table reborn in a luxurious shade of Swiss Coffee. The four matching chairs are embellished with cane-back details and recovered in beige linen.

Share your dream for your chance to win!  Read on for details!

Why a Dream Sharing Contest?

It took me years to get up the courage to share my own dream about writing and speaking to women, but I had an epiphany the other day: Sharing my dream has set my own faith in motion.

Don’t Hide Your Light under a Bushel

For years, I never told a soul about my dream. It sounded too lofty. I thought people would think I was crazy, so I hid my dream. Beside…dreams were for important people and I thought I was a nobody.

I can remember the first time I told someone that I was a writer. It was a total act of faith just to say those words out loud to another human being. It felt extremely awkward at first and I almost felt like a fraud, but the more I declared it, the more my faith increased!

Dreams are like stars…you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny.

Recently, God sent an angel to financially endorse my writing dream. It was nothing less than a divine set up, but it all started with sharing my dream.  Let me introduce you.      

Mo Anderson, Vice Chairman of the Board for Keller Williams Realty, has been a faithful friend and supporter of Revive, Inc., a non-profit organization where I serve as a board member. Last month, our board joined her for dinner and a tour of the home that she built recently.

During dinner Mo shared her inspiring success story in real estate and how, as a former public school music teacher turned business builder, she and her partner developed one of the most successful franchises in the country. The business model for Keller Williams is taught at Ivy League colleges and it’s founded on Biblical principles! Despite her outstanding achievements, however, I was mesmerized by one detail: Mo spoke about how she grew up very poor, but God put a dream in her heart at eight years old to build a home.

That’s so like God. He gives us dreams long before they are possible and he gives them to those who have to rely completely on Him for the resources to accomplish it. Today, Mo has a vision for her home to be used as a retreat center one day where wounded souls can come for inner healing. 

After dinner and a tour of her grounds, we gathered in her living room. It was getting late and I had to work the next day, but I wanted to tell her how much her story challenged me.

“Mo," I began, "hearing your story about how God gave you a dream as a young child, long before it seemed remotely possible, has inspired me to believe for my own dream.”

I was honestly getting ready to excuse myself and thank her for the evening, but before I could open my mouth, she asked the fateful question, “What is your dream?”

Here’s what I told her.

My dream to write began over twenty years ago in the bottom of a pit—a pit of addiction.

If there were 12-step programs for my kind of addiction, I’d introduce myself by saying, “Hi, my name is Christy, and I’m a recovering love-junkie.” As long as I can remember I’ve been addicted to love. Like the woman at the well, I was a big time loser when it came to relationships.

It was shortly after I hit bottom. Or I guess it would be more appropriate to say the bottom hit me, since I was semi-caught in the act of adultery. I had barely begun my own journey of recovery. But for some reason, God spoke to me. Why he chose then, I’ll never know.

Our conversation started with a vision. I had never heard anyone talk about having a vision before, but I instinctively knew it was from God.

I saw myself standing on top of a mountain in a desert. A single-file line of women were making a journey toward me. The line of women spiraled around the mountain numerous times and off into the desert as far as the eye could see.

I couldn’t image what all the women were traveling to see and why I was on the top of the mountain. “Lord, what does this mean?” I asked.

“These are the women you will teach.”

"Me? Are you kidding? I’m a complete mess. Plus, don’t you remember speech class in junior high? I was the one who needed CPR after delivering my monologue. ”

“Yes, I remember. That’s my specialty—transforming weaknesses. If you surrender your life to me, I will equip you. And you will help women come out of the wilderness and take the journey to the top of the mountain and into my presence.”

I didn’t want to speak to women. I just wanted to be whole. I could have never imagined how God could cultivate influence in an invalid. But apparently God saw something in me long before my healing manifested. He spoke to me years before I had the faith to believe it possible.

Now, some twenty-plus years later, after life-transforming adversities including the tragic death of my youngest son while his father was driving under the influence of several drugs, here I am…better—not bitter.

Determined, not in despair.

Full of hope, not hate.

And like the woman at the well, I’m running back to town to grab my sisters, desperate to reach a generation of young women who are learning relationship skills from Hollywood, TV and magazines.

Who me? I was the least likely to succeed.

Well, all I can say is, I’m living proof…Rejects are God’s favorite picks. 

A Surprise of a Lifetime

Little did I know that while I was sharing my vision to publish my book, Rehab for Love Junkies, The 7 Habits of Soul-healthy Women, the Lord told Mo to support my dream. When she handed me a $6,000 check, I was shocked! I don’t think there are words to describe how it felt to have someone invest in my vision. (Did I mention this was the first time I met her?)

I praised God all the way home that night. As I opened the garage door and got out of my car, I walked past a dining room table and chairs I had just repurposed. That’s when the Lord said, “Now it’s your turn to be a blessing.”

So, here goes— I can’t wait to see who is going to win.

Share your dream to win in the Dumpster Diva Giveaway.

One of you will win a newly repainted French country dining room set. There’s really only one main requirement for the winner…she’s gotta like ramshackle redos.

I met this tattered treasure at a garage sale recently and the owner was so desperate to get rid of it, he slashed the price in half and offered immediate delivery! Seriously? Furniture delivery at a garage sale.

I love transforming rejects because it’s such a picture of Christ’s redemption. When our lives were still a mess, Jesus saw purpose in us.

Who Can Enter?

Anyone can enter! Maybe you’d like to win yourself and do a little redecorating, or maybe you know someone who needs to win. Please help me spread the word. Besides the storms of life, Oklahoma has had a lot of literal storms. Many you know someone going through a difficult time or someone who has lost everything they have. Please encourage them to enter!

It's easy to share the news with your friends. Simple copy and paste this link and email it or post it on your facebook wall. http://christyjohnson.org/tissuesforyourissues

Why You Should Share Your 

Do you have a dream that seems impossible? Well, I’ve got good news…with God all things are possible! In fact, one of the first steps to achieving our dreams is to share them with faithful ears. When we do that, something amazing happens: Our own faith is released as we proclaim God’s vision to others.

Here are the rules for my Dumpster Diva Giveaway Contest:

You don’t have to be a writer! I just want to hear your heart about your dream.

1. If you have a facebook page or a blog, write a note on your FB wall or your blog that tells others a little about the Dumpster Diva Giveaway Contest. Then in 600 words or less, share your dream and why you would like to win. (If your post on facebook is too long for your status, no worries...FB gives you the option to post it as a note instead.)

2. Include a link to my contest with your FB post or blog post using http://christyjohnson.org/tissuesforyourissues.

3. If you post on facebook, tag me in the post using @christytarnackijohnson. 

4. If you did either of the above, be sure to also leave a comment under this post telling me you did.

5. If you do not have a blog or facebook page, leave a comment under this post in 600 words or less sharing your dream and why you’d like to win. Be sure to leave your email address for notification so I can contact you if you are the selected winner. Have your post up by Friday, July 22, 2011.

VERY IMPORTANT: The winner of this contest will be notified via email by Friday, July 29, 2011 and will have to pick up the merchandise in Oklahoma City by August 26, 2011. I’m sorry I will not be able to ship or transport the items. Please do not enter if you are too far away for a pick up.

I know only one of you can win, but I pray special blessings on all of your dreams!

A minimum of 25 entries must be completed in order for the prize to be distributed. If less than the minimum number of entries are completed for the contest, the contest administrator has the option of extending the deadline for entries or discontinuing the contest and distributing the award at will. This offer is non-transferable and can not be traded for cash. Table accessories in picture not included.

D

     This scripture has guilt inducing properties for two reasons. First, I’m a borderline hypo-maniac and it goes against my nature to be still. But the main reason I never bonded with this verse is because I had several misconceptions about what it means to be still. I used to think prayer was only a silent activity—a moment of quiet reflection. I conjured up images of humming monks or prostrate priests. To me, those were the spiritual standards I measured my prayer performance against. The truth is, often my mind wandered during prayer or worse yet, I fell asleep. How could I be an effective Christian and flunk prayer?

     To this day I still don’t do “still” very well, but it was a great awakening when I recognized the false beliefs I had about being still. In Psalm 46:10, being still is only half of the commandment contained in this scripture. The other half of the verse is to “know”. In other words, the instruction to “be still” and “know” are a couple. You can’t divide this scripture and only do the being still part.

     To know comes from the Hebrew word yada`, which means to perceive and see, to find out and discern, to discriminate and distinguish. It also means to know by experience. Here’s the bottom line: We can’t get to the “know” if we haven’t first been still. Bear with me for one more definition. I think you will find it enlightening. Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart (NKJV).”  In this verse, wait comes from the Hebrew word, qavah, which means to look for, to hope and expect.

     So here’s the deal. When you’re expecting a baby, you prepare for that baby. You purchase baby clothes, furniture, decorate the room and most importantly pick out a name. You know the baby is coming, so you don’t just sit around and wait for labor pains. While you are waiting, you are also preparing because you expect the baby to come. If all you’re doing is chilling and hanging out, when the birth comes you won’t be prepared.

     Joseph’s story in the book of Genesis illustrates this point well. Joseph had two dreams when he was 17 years old. Shortly after, his dreams seem shattered when his brothers plotted his disappearance.  But Joseph held onto his dream. Even in the face of seemingly impossible circumstances, he didn’t give up. His dream fueled his ability to endure extreme adversity, and while he waited, he allowed God to prepare him.

     In the middle of his funk, the Bible points out a very significant detail: The Lord was with Joseph. While he taken captive as a slave, while he was falsely accused of rape, while he was in prison and forgotten, the Lord was with Joseph. You see, instead of hanging out and doing nothing, Joseph developed at attitude of expectation. In slavery, he was given leadership positions, and even in the bondage of prison he prospered.  

     Here’s the key point I’m trying to make: Years later, when Joseph was given the opportunity to interpret Pharaoh’s dream, he had developed the leadership skills to implement the plan he recommended. It was so brilliant Pharaoh put Joseph in charge of all of Egypt. In one day, Joseph went from prison to the palace. Why? Because he was prepared!

     What if we arrive at the thing or place or season that we are waiting for, but we miss the opportunity to do what we were anticipating because we didn’t prepare while we were waiting? We wouldn’t be ready. Neither would have Joseph. If Joseph would have allowed himself to slack off, he never would have been put in charge when he was in prison. Instead, even in a place of bondage, he allowed God to use him and perfect his leadership skills. He allowed God to prepare him for the destiny he knew would one day come. 

     Joseph was still and he knew. And so can you! Don’t give up on your dream. Allow God to use the hard places of your life to prepare you. Between every dream and destiny is a desert, but if you’re still and know he is God, He will use your desert to prepare you for your destiny.

“Sam”, the modern-day Cinderella played by Hillary Duff, lost her father after he married the woman of her nightmares. When he died, Sam’s father left her everything he owned, but Sam was deceived by evil family members who stole her inheritance. Even though Sam was the sole heir, she was blinded by lies, banished to misery, and settled for a life of intolerable cruelty. For years, she was completely unaware that her father intended for her to possess everything he owned. She had no idea she was a princess destined for greatness.

Have you ever felt like Sam? Maybe you didn’t know that your Father has a will for your life. Everything he owns was given up for your inheritance to fuel your dreams and destiny. Because of deceit, however, many of us live in despair, captured by oppressors who appear stronger than us. We’re kept in bondage with false illusions of hope, trapped in tyranny only dreaming of liberty. We submit ourselves like slaves without realizing we have other options.

Even after many of us read the will our Father has for us, we remain bound in chains and trapped in limits set by our enemies. We live among the ashes and dirt, scrubbing up the messes others left behind, accepting the fate they dictate for our future. Why do we do this? Sometimes it’s habit. Sometimes it’s the lingering feeling of unworthiness, and sometimes it’s the familiarity of bondage. Our oppressors deceive us with the false illusion of provision and comfort. We settle for a life of intolerable cruelty as slaves, held captive to sin as servants of deception.

The good news is that Sam eventually found her father's will. She accidentally discovered she was entitled to everything her father owned. When Sam realized that all he possessed was her legal inheritance, a trail of tears flooded my soul. Why did this scene pierce my heart? Because it’s such a picture of what Christ did for us. By dying on the cross, he sacrificed his life so we could receive a grand inheritance. Until we discover the will, however, we too are blind to the fact that our Father has plans for our lives far greater than anything we can ask, think or imagine.

When Sam’s eyes were opened, she realized her dreams could come true. Someone believed in her. Someone loved her enough to give her access to a wonderful future. Listen to what she did next: She took possession! She kicked out her oppressors. She took immediate authority over them and refused to allow her enemies to continue to steal her inheritance.

Has someone stolen your inheritance? There is good news! You can take it back! Romans 11:29 says that God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable. So pick up your will today. Read about the inheritance Jesus died to give you. It's a legal and binding contract, all in writing and sealed by his blood. Don’t live another day in captivity. Kick out your oppressors. Take authority over your future and claim your inheritance today!

Empower your dreams and destiny.  Read the Last Will and Testament and take possession of everything that is rightfully yours.

He wasn’t kidding.

Abram knew that as long as Sarai was married, she couldn’t be held hostage at Harem Headquarters—unless…

her husband was dead.

Sure enough. It wasn’t long before Sarai was spotted by Pharaoh. But Abram had a plan: If he was her brother instead of her husband, he would be given a place of honor if Sarai was taken into custody!  

Hmmm. Which shall it be?

Abram’s life…

or a Haram wife…

“Say you’re my sister,” he pleaded.

Abram chose to sacrifice his wife rather than his life. So much for chivalry.

The most interesting thing about this story, however, is Sarai’s age. The Bible tells us that Abram was 75 years old when he set out for Canaan. A few chapters later, we get a hint at Sarai’s age—she was no spring chicken. At ten years younger than Abram, she would have been 65 when they fled to Egypt. That was old enough to make her a bona fide AARP member when she was swiped into Pharaoh’s harem.

Sarai wasn’t a 12-year-old Victoria’s Secret model. She was a proud member of the Geritol generation and her most bedazzled gown looked more like a hooded satin Snuggy than red-carpet wear.  Women back then were so veiled they were lucky to have their eyeballs uncovered. A typical outfit may have taken ten yards of fabric, unlike today when some girls make do with a few triangles and a little G string. Nonetheless, Sarai was a woman who was prized for her beauty.

Girls, I think we can learn a thing or two about beauty from Sarai. Women back in the Bible bracket didn’t have Botox or liposuction. Sarai couldn’t run into Target and drop a little L’Oreal in her basket. Not that she wasn’t worth it. There was no plastic surgery, no nip and tuck, no lip enhancements or hip reductions, no Spanks, no miracle bras or 18-hour girdles. And gasp….not even high heels. But even though Sarai never had a breast augmentation, never visited a tanning bed or nail salon, and her hair color was naturally gray, she was beautiful and confident. At 65, she was still all cha-cha, voom-voom and boda-boda-bing!

There was something else they didn’t have back in Sarai’s day—the comparison crusade. Sarai didn’t have to stand at the grocery check-out and compare herself to anorexic magazine models and the latest tabloid gossip that touts five easy ways to drop 20 pounds in five days.  She didn’t grow up with a Barbie doll that had a waist smaller than her thigh and hair bigger than Texas.

Sarai didn’t have to deal with a constant barrage of graphic images all around her constantly telling her she wasn’t pretty. She didn’t have to deal with the Real Housewives of Atlanta or Orange County or Miami. She didn’t have to content with Hollywood movie stars or vampy trampy airbrushed photo-shopped magazine models whose physical perfection seemed to insinuate she was too fat or too wrinkled or too old to be beautiful. At 65 years old Sarai was so beautiful men would kill to have her!

I think it’s time we redefine beauty!

Pharaoh’s official saw that Sarai was beautiful, but I think Sarai’s beauty was more than external. Something about her made it obvious that there was more to her than what was on the outside. She was confident, loyal and resourceful. She was a woman of influence and knew how to get things done. She was an effective communicator and negotiator.

Another woman the Bible calls beautiful was Abigail. The same Hebrew word for beautiful, yafeh, is used to describe both Abigail and Sarai. Yafeh means fair, fairest or fair one. I always wondered why the fairy tales described the beautiful princess as the most fairest in the land. A princess ought to be more beautiful than just fair. We don’t use that word today to describe appearance. If you told your friend, “You look very fair today,” it would probably be perceived as more of an insult than a compliment. But in the days of Abigail and Sarai, a woman considered fair in appearance was beautiful.

Obviously there is something important about the distinction the Bible makes about their beauty. Why does the Bible point out their beauty? In 1 Samuel 25:3 the KJV says this: Abigail was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance.

What is a countenance? Literally, the dictionary reveals the word countenance is a derivative of contents. In essence, countenance is the contents of the body. It is the external appearance or manifestation of the contents of the inner person. What is expressed on the outside through our countenance is brought forth from the inner.

Countenance also means an air, a look, an aspect or an appearance of the face. In addition, it means favor, goodwill and kindness. So when scripture says that Abigail had a beautiful countenance, it means that she was not just physically beautiful, but that her beauty came from the inside out. Her inner beauty of favor, goodwill and kindness spread to the external and caused people to perceive her as having a beautiful air.

Have you ever met someone that didn’t meet the world’s standards of external beauty, but you perceived them as beautiful? Maybe you perceived a kindness about them, a tenacity to overcome life's difficulties or a humble nature. On the other hand, have you ever met someone that was physically beautiful by the world’s standards, but you perceived them to be unattractive or even ugly? Maybe you sensed an air of vanity, dishonesty or rebellion that caused that person to appear unattractive.

Beauty and status are so much more than what is external, so celebrate the unique qualities that make you beautiful. No matter how young or old you are, no matter how short or tall you are, and no matter what the Hollywood fashionistas say, God made you beautiful. After all, he created you in his own image. You are a display of his splendor! He longs to be your husband and call you his very own trophy wife!

Prayer: Lord, the world has standards for beauty that are often unrealistic and many times do not bring glory to you. Help me to remember that you created me in your image. When I feel unattractive or unappreciated, may your Holy Spirit remind me that I am your treasure and will always be beautiful in your eyes. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. Deuteronomy 7:6

Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. Psalms 45:11

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

Additional Study:

Abram and Sarai in Egypt    Genesis 12:10-20

Abigail    1 Samuel 25

At least it was on a church toilet.

She was talking to her friend in the seat next to hers.

“Emily went poppy on the potty,” the first lady began.

“That’s great.”

“No not really, because, that was three months ago!  She refuses to try again and I’m about to lose my mind!”

The other lady tried to encourage her friend.

“Emily won’t be in Pull-Ups forever.”

I stood at the sink innocently washing my hands. My eavesdropping was unavoidable, but I instantly knew the next part of the conversation was targeted towards me. Like a puff of smoke bellowing out of a smoker’s mouth, the words blew right in my face.

“Never forget—children are a gift from the Lord.”

Second hand smoke can make us choke. So can second hand words.

I had been praying about whether or not I should put my career on hold to stay home with my children. After hearing that advice, I knew I was supposed to quit my job. I turned in my two-week notice the next day. Even though finances would be tight, I hoped the investment would be worth the sacrifice.

I delighted in my new role as a stay-at-home mom. Okay. I lied. At first I was bored stupid. The transition from “rolling-in-the-dough” to rolling Play-Doh was incredibly difficult. Even with the Fun Factory, there were only so many sculptures I could squash, mash and mold before I went insane. What was I supposed to do all day?

I joined a play group with other moms at my church that also had young children. I had fun until several of them started talking about home schooling. That's when I panicked. Was this disease contagious? I couldn’t imagine anything more brutally inhuman than schooling at home. Not for the children, but for me! I secretly counted the days until I could once again have some time to myself. School was my recess time. Plus, if trained elementary professionals had difficulty with education, I was certainly doomed to failure.

Here’s proof. When my daughter was learning to read, we were going through the drive-through lane on a visit to see Colonel Sanders when Brittany looked at the sign in utter shock. “Mommy!” she exclaimed. “They spelled Tucky Fried Chicken with a ‘K’!”

It wasn’t until my son was in fifth grade that he realized a vending machine was not a bending machine and “ballet” parking was spelled with a “v”. I let him down gently. “Garrett, there are no ballerinas in tutus parking the cars.”

Clearly, schooling was a job for professionals. 

When my daughter was in second grade, her class memorized the second chapter of Luke at Christmastime. I drifted off to sleep countless times listening to her rehearse.

“And there were in the same country shepherds buying the field, keeping a clock over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the gory of the Lord shone...”

Zzzz.

She was able to recite the entire chapter, but apparently she fell short on comprehension. This first became evident while playing a game of Bible Trivia later that month at a friend’s Christmas party. 

“What was the name of the angel of the Lord that told Mary she was going to have a baby?” the question asker asked.

Anxious to answer, Brittany frantically waived her arms in the air and shouted like Arnold Horshack in Welcome Back Kotter, “Ooo, ooo, ooo! I know!”

I smiled proudly. My daughter, the young Bible scholar. My shoulders straightened and I sat a little taller in my seat. I anticipated the ooo’s and aww’s that the other parents would emit when they heard the correct reply from my seven-year-old Jesus genius.

Until she blurted out, “Lo!”

“No, sorry. That’s not the correct answer, Brittany,” announced the question asker. 

Brittany thrust her hand in the air again. “I mean Behold,” she insisted.

Of course. Lo and Behold. The King James language barrier strikes again.

Then there was the time when Garrett had a part in our church’s Easter play. During rehearsals he watched the scene of the woman caught in the act of adultery. Thankfully he never asked what adultery was so I didn’t have to translate that Bible story. Naturally, when the play ended, I thought I was off the hook, but I was wrong. Kids pick the most random times to inquire about topics only suitable for discussion after they turn thirty or forty. A couple of weeks after the play, we were on vacation. After pressing the button to our floor, Garrett looked up on the crowded elevator and picked this time to ask, “Mom, what is an act of a dog tree?”

Someone snorted. My husband turned beat red.

I tried to explain, but it was no use.

I never home schooled my children, but I did teach them. Maybe not in academics, but about the importance of faith and family. A few years ago, my daughters graduated and moved out just as my youngest entered high school. I thought about going back to work. Our budget could sure use a boost, but I decided to wait. As much as fifteen-year-old boys try to act like miniature adults, I think they still like having their moms at home. They may spend most of their time on the computer or with their friends. Sometimes they don’t even look like they’re listening when we talk, but somehow teenagers are needier than toddlers.

So I stayed home.

Now, four years later as Garrett is preparing to graduate from high school, I caught myself wondering again: Did my sacrifice make a difference? Was it worth the cost of staying home? Did my investment pay off?

Just then, my 6-foot mini-me saunters down the hall, holds out his arms and smiles, “Mommy, I don’t think I’ve had a hug today.” Flashbacks of Pull-Ups and Play-Doh flood my mind along with his favorite childhood treasures:

Thomas and friends. Legos and Lightsabers. Superman pajamas and Batman costumes.

As precious as these things were, somewhere along the line, they were stashed away and traded in for skateboards and scooters, Play Stations and X-Boxes, cell phones, I-Pods, cars and guitars.

Even so, I have an 18-year-old college-bound full-fledged offspring that wants a hug and still calls me Mommy.

Yes, it was worth it. He may have traded in his toys, but I’m still his favorite treasure. The choice to stay home may have delayed my career, but the love and admiration of my children…how can I put a price tag on that?

It’s been over twenty years ago, but I’ll never forget the angel’s words I heard coming out of that church bathroom stall.

Children are a gift from the Lord.

“Christopher was an escape artist,” Barb recalled with a smile. “Whenever he was at church, he was always disappearing. Because of him, our children’s ministry implemented a new policy. An adult was required to sit by the door after class began to make sure none of the kids got away. Unfortunately, Christopher wasn’t able to escape this time…”

Or did he?

Christopher’s father worked for a towing company and all of his children were enthralled with the wreckers their father drove. During a prayer vigil held the day after the children died, which was ironically on Christopher’s fifth birthday, a convoy of tow trucks paraded down the street in the their honor. I can only imagine Christopher and his sisters rejoicing in heaven at the greatest birthday party a five-year old ever could have.

It’s tiny glimpses of heaven like this that can bring fresh perspective to our sorrow. The fingerprints of God give evidence of his presence.

I’ve discovered a few fingerprints of God myself. The one I’m going to tell you about was faded. That’s why I didn’t notice it for several months. Some evidence is like that. It’s there all the time, but we don’t see it until we look at it from a different angle.

My son Jake was 33 months old when he died in a car accident, just shy of his third birthday. On his second birthday I had planned a proper party for a two-year old—a Saturday celebration at Chucky Cheese. But since his actual birthday was on a Tuesday, I thought a trip to the playground at McDonalds was in order. So after I picked up my kids from daycare, we headed out for hamburgers. That’s the only reason Jake was wearing a shaggy hand-me-down shirt on his birthday.

Several months after the accident, I was looking through some photo albums. That’s when I noticed this picture of Jake shooting out of the ball crawl.

The plaid baseball shirt used to belong to his older brother, Garrett. The appliqué had fallen off but the evidence was clear. The three was gone. Even on his second birthday, God knew he wouldn’t make it to his third.   

To me, this “fingerprint” was comforting. I know it sounds strange, but it was confirmation that God was involved. He already knew the number of Jake’s days. And if God knew, he stood ready to pass the grace onto me.

Since Jake’s death, I have chosen to focus on the evidence. What’s the alternative? A depression session? Another trip down the trail of tears?

People tell me all the time you never get over the death of a child. For the longest time I struggled with that statement. Did the word of God agree? Would I ever get over Jake’s death or was I doomed to a life of regret?

I’m not sure I’ve completely resolved this question. It may be merely man’s opinion that we can never over such a tragedy. But one truth I do know…

Death changes life forever.

Jake’s death changed my life. Shortly after he died, I knew my purpose had shifted. I quit my job in commercial lending to write. I had to. It was the only way I could survive the loss. Today, his death continues to propel my destiny. Through writing and speaking, I know his story has brought hope to many, but I’m the one who benefits most.

You've turned my mourning into dancing again. You've lifted my sorrows and I can't stay silent. Ron Kenoly

I see the fingerprints of God on other lives too. Fingerprints are unique and not visible without close inspection. The finger prints of God aren’t always obvious either. Like an investigator studies a crime scene to prove who was at the scene, you have to examine the evidence. If you look closely, God’s fingerprints give proof to his presence.  

Thomas Glenn, a Putnam City high school student, was tragically killed by a dump truck in Oklahoma City while he walked home from football practice in August of 2007. My son Garrett was his classmate. We were mortified when we saw the newscast. Immediately, we picked up a couple of his teammates who lived in the neighborhood and rushed over to his family’s home.

His mother, Fay, greeted us as if she was a Stepford wife, programmed to respond in robotic perfection.  She was there, but it wasn’t really her. The football players sat silently on the couch.  All of us were in shock. Not knowing what to say, one of the boys picked up a photo album on the coffee table and started leafing through it.

Photos of Thomas’ life starred back at them.

Pointing at a school picture of Thomas, Garrett was the first to break the awkward silence. “Thomas always wore this white suit on picture days,” Garrett announced pointing at a picture of Thomas. “Every year since 4th grade.”

“You’re right!” agreed Caleb. “He always made a big deal about picture day and got all dressed up.”

“That’s interesting, Fay,” I said. “Not many boys willingly wear suits, especially to school. Was that your idea?

“No!” Fay protested. “It was always Thomas' idea. Ever since he was young, he was enamored with his Father’s white suit. He insisted on wearing it, especially on picture day.”

"It was always way too big for him," Garrett joked. “He had to roll up the sleeves and the pants just piled over his shoes.”

“He even wore it to the school dance this year,” said Caleb.

“You’re right,” agreed Garrett. “Hmmm. The funny thing is…this year—it actually fit him!”

…this year it actually fit him.

Those words seared our ears like fingernails on a chalkboard. He wore the white suit every year, but the year it finally fit him, God called him home.

“Fay…this is really none of my business, but you should dress Thomas in his father’s suit for the funeral.”

Faye didn’t say a word, but she disappeared for a moment and returned with the suit.

“Do you think Thomas would like it if everyone wore white to his memorial?” I probed.

Fay nodded.

The next day, the news spread through MySpace: Don’t wear black to the funeral. Wear white.  Fay even wanted me to see if the tuxedo store next to the high school could fit the pallbearers in white tuxedos. When I called, they wanted to help. Tom’s Formal Wear donated all the rentals.

A sea of white engulfed the church the day of the funeral. I think Thomas could see.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11

Thomas was clothed in joy. He’d been wearing his father’s suit for years, and now he wore his father’s suit to meet his Father.

The fingerprints of God. Not easy to see with the untrained eye, but visible just the same.  

Since Thomas’s death, Fay has spent much time with her new project, Family to Family in Tragedy. “I give t-shirts to families who have lost children,” says Fay. “It’s a small way I can acknowledge their loss and bring hope out of my own tragedy.”

There is great danger in lingering in the darkness of grief. If someone is kept in total darkness for too long, they can lose their hope and vision. This is even true physically. On a tour of Aillwee Cave in Ireland, a tour guide stops his visitors at the deepest point of the cave. Smothered in complete darkness, he then advises the guests. “If one were to stay in total darkness for extended period of time, the brain would start to react by exaggerating sounds. For example, dripping water would begin to sound like conversation. Eventually, the silence would create full blown hallucinations.”

During a vacation to California my family and I visited Alcatraz, the prison off the shore of San Francisco Bay, where we viewed “the hole.” The hole was a completely dark and soundproof dungeon of solitary confinement used for extreme torture. Many inmates experienced hallucinations, became depressed and suicidal and were driven to the edge of psychosis. Even the law prohibited inmates from being isolated for longer than 19 days. If someone is kept in total darkness for too long, they can lose their eyesight.

Likewise, there is great danger is lingering in the darkness of despair. We can lose our spiritual vision and sanity. When darkness threatens our hope and ability to see God, we have to choose to focus on any ray of light and truth we can find.

Who are we to say that someone died too early? Even if we live a century, our lives are but a flash.  The reality is that all of our days are numbered. The truth is that death is as much a part of life as birth. Why not celebrate the lives of those we love instead of mourning our own lives away? As agonizing as tragedy and disease are, God’s mercy prevails. His grace is sufficient. He brings beauty from ashes.

Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

Great purpose can be birthed out of death. In her article, Tragedy Turned into Triumph, Jeanie Hamblen notes the following examples of people helping others after suffering great loss.

John Walsh turned his tragedy into America's Most Wanted after the horrific kidnapping and murder of his six-year-old son. As of January 5, 2011, the program has assisted in the capture of 1,136 criminals. John Walsh frequently ends the program with his trademark slogan, “…and remember, you can make a difference.”

Mothers Against Drunk Driving began after 13-year-old Cari Lightner, was killed by a drunken hit-and-run driver. Candy Lightner redirected her sorrow to create awareness to protect others.

Amber Hagerman’s abduction and murder inspired the formation of the nationally known Amber Alert. According to ABC News’ Emily Friedman, the program is credited with safely locating nearly 500 children.

Death changes us. Will we become bitter or better? The choice is ours.

Jesus’ death on the cross offered hope and eternal life for the entire world. But some still opt out. Each of us choose whether or not we accept his sacrifice. We can either live a life filled with hope, or we can reject his gift and receive eternal punishment.

Any life without hope is eternal punishment. I’ve seen too many women die when they buried their children. They opted out.

Not me.

As tempted as I am to do my own “love junkie” rendition of Jeff Foxworthy’s humorous slur, You Might be a Redneck, I’ll resist. At least for now...
I’m trying to be serious.

Love junkies are women who are addicted to unhealthy relationships. They often choose the same type of man over and over again, all the while knowing these men are wrong for them. They are not lacking in head knowledge about the unhealthy nature of their relationships, yet they are somehow unable to say no.  Compelled by an invisible magnet drawing them back to the same familiar pain, they allow these repeat offenders to take advantage of their emotions and their bodies, they allow them to manipulate them and take advantage of their generous and often times, overly-responsible natures.

Sometimes, love junkies even go as far as to permit men to bleed them dry financially while they hold down a job, take care of the children, manage the household, pay the bills, drive the kids to their dance lessons, soccer games, school activities, dentist and doctor appointments, repair the fence and the car, call the repairman for this, that and the other, bandage the kids and the dog, do the laundry and grocery shopping. Whew, I’m getting tired just making this list. They allow men to belittle them and emotionally abuse them. They settle for less than what they desire.

Love junkies understand and even acknowledge that these men are wrong for them, but instead of walking away, they justify and minimize their behavior in order to excuse and validate the chaos.

They trade sex for affection.

They jump through hoops for approval.

They wear themselves thin for affirmation.

Affection, approval, and affirmation are legitimate needs. You deserve to have a healthy relationship and marriage with a man who is healthy enough in his soul to provide these. You may have given up hope, but I promise you…there is a perfect man out there just for you and I’d love to introduce you to him.

He’s not on eHarmony, Match.com or Facebook, but I can hook you up. He always answers when you call and he is a great listener. He never ceases to work and will supply all your needs. He’ll never reject you or break your heart. He cares about your every need. He is full of passion and wonder and he’ll never leave you or disappoint you.

His name is Jesus.  You’ve probably heard about Jesus before—he does have a way of getting around. But “knowing about” him is not the same as knowing him. Knowing about Jesus is like having a virtual friendship with someone online you’ve never met in person, but Jesus is looking for a serious and intimate personal relationship. I can promise you one thing: A relationship with him won’t disappoint you. If you’ve never been personally introduced to Jesus before, allow me the honor.

Meeting Jesus is easy. You don’t have to fix your hair or get a new outfit. Women have met him at their worst. He doesn’t care if you have black rivers of mascara running down your face or snot dripping down your nose. He doesn’t care about your past, what you’ve done or how you look. You don’t have to lose ten pounds to impress him. I promise he will love you just as you are. He can’t see your faults. In fact, he already thinks you’re perfect and he’s fallen madly in love with you. He’s been waiting for you all of your life. He is love and his love endures forever.

All you have to do is invite him into your heart. Sound too good to be true? The Bible says in Romans 10:13, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Why is a relationship with Christ so important? First, the Bible says that eternal life can only be found through him. (John 3:3) Secondly, a relationship with a human being will always be incomplete unless your heart has been surrendered to a heavenly being. Jesus is the only man who can legitimately provide the affection, approval and affirmation you are looking for.

You see, if you ever do find and capture the illusive Mr. Wonderful, no matter how wonderful he is, he is not perfect. Eventually, Mr. Wonderful will disappoint you. But Jesus is both wonderful and perfect.

Jesus healed this love-junkie’s heart. Would you like him to heal yours? I guarantee you’ll never be the same again. He’ll forgive your past and make you into a new creation. He’ll wipe away the hurt and pain and give you a brand new life.  If you want to spend eternity with the perfect man, invite Jesus to invade your heart. He won’t turn you down. All you have to do is ask. I’ll even give you the words. Just say this prayer:

Dear Jesus, I admit I’ve tried to manage my life on my own and it’s gotten me nowhere. I want to surrender my life to you. Please come into my heart. Forgive me of all of my sins and shortcomings. Empower me with your love and grace. Wipe away my past and make my life brand new. Thank you for loving me and saving me. I’m ready to begin my life with you. Please heal my hurts and take away my sorrow. Show me your ways. Illuminate my path. I trust that you have good plans for me. It’s in your name, the powerful name of Jesus, that I pray. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer for the first time or prayed it again to recommit your life to him, please post or click here and let me know. I’d love to rejoice with you and give you a personal word of encouragement to begin your new life with him!

C

International Business Times recently reported that 42% of people are in debt due to Christmas expenditures and that Christmas is forcing 15% of people to sell jewelry and other items to afford the festive season. How can we keep the ghost of Christmas past from ruining our New Year when the credit card bills start rolling in? How can we tell when a lot is too much and how does God feel about extravagant gifts and displays of splendor?  

In John 2:11, after turning the water into fine wine at the wedding of Cana, the Bible says, This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.

This scripture makes it clear that the reason God shows extravagance is to manifest his glory and cause the hearts of men to believe in him. He’s not just showing off for the sake of displaying his splendor, but his extravagance has purpose. He wants his children to believe in him.

That’s fine, you may say. Jesus was divine and even though the wine was expensive, it didn’t cost him anything. How can I tell if I am spending too much?

Let’s look at examples of two people in the Bible that extravagantly spent all they had. One was justified and one was considered to be wasteful. What was the difference? 

John 12:3 tells the story of Mary’s extravagant gesture. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. Judas (as well as all the disciples as indicated in another gospel account of this story) was furious. He demanded to know why the perfume wasn’t sold and the money given to the poor. After all, it was worth a year’s wages.

I have some decent fragrances, but I can guarantee you that I don’t, nor will I ever have, a perfume worth over John’s annual salary! That’s mega extravagance. But Jesus knew her extravagant expenditure had great purpose. Even though the perfume was costly, he knew it was an act of worship to prepare him for burial. Others may have perceived it as an extreme act of wastefulness. But Jesus did not!

Mary’s extravagant gesture was not in vain. She had a very strong motive for doing what she did. It wasn’t selfish ambition that caused her to spend all she had. Her gift communicated her love for Jesus. Her actions drew attention to Jesus.

Let’s compare the apparent extravagant Waste of perfume to another person in the Bible—the prodigal son, who also spent his entire inheritance. The story of the prodigal son is told by Jesus in Luke 15. And by the way, the meaning of prodigal is extravagant wastefulness.

Jesus told us of a man who had two sons. The younger one was ready to sow his wild oats and didn’t want to wait for his father to kick the bucket to get his money, so he told his father, “Give me my share of the estate now!” Then he proceeded to fly off to Vegas and spend all his money on prostitutes and wild living. I’m just kidding. He didn’t fly to Vegas. They didn’t have airplanes back then. But they did have prostitutes and his older brother was pretty mad about that.

When the prodigal son finally returned home after he gambled all his money away and realized his father’s servants lived better than him, his merciful older brother was quick to point out his prideful perfection when he said to his father, “Look! All these years, I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered our property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!”

It’s obvious that the younger son’s extravagant waste was not acceptable, but it looks like the older brother had some self-righteousness and pride issues going on. I’m just saying.

But here’s what I want to get at. Even though the prodigal son and Mary both spent all they had, what was the difference between his lavish lifestyle and Mary’s extravagant use of expensive perfume?

They both spent all they had in extreme ways, and yet only one was considered acceptable. Let’s see what the Bible has to say about that.

You know, though, sometimes when we are trying to find answers in the Bible, it makes it difficult when words we commonly use today don’t even appear in the Bible. For example, the words extravagant and prodigal do not appear in the KJV or NIV version of the Bible, not even once. Interesting. That’s when we have to do a little research.

Besides meaning extravagant, prodigal also means wasteful and reckless. The prodigal son squandered or wasted his father’s money. His extravagant expenditures were all for his own sensual pleasures. His “wild living” as the NIV puts it, or “riotous living” according to the KJV, means that he profligately (without principle or shame) engaged in debauchery (extreme indulgence in sensual pleasures).

But Mary’s situation was different. Her motives were not selfish. When she poured out her costly perfume, her lavish gesture was an act of love and worship. To describe her extravagant gesture, the KJV of the Bible uses the word costly. Costly comes from Hebrew and Greek words meaning precious, rare, splendid, glorious, very valuable, something of great price. So, when Mary poured costly perfume on Jesus, she was doing something precious, glorious and very valuable.

Waste comes from a Hebrew word meaning end or destruction. As frugal as this bargain-hunting garage sale queen is, I used to assume that cost and waste go together, but just because something costs a significant amount does not mean it’s wasteful. On the other hand, something can cost very little and yet be extremely valuable. We can even obtain something for free and yet it is irreplaceable. Something we didn’t even pay for can be priceless.

By these examples of extravagance, as we prepare for the celebration of Christ’s birth, let’s do a little self reflection.

Let’s examine our own motives for displaying splendor and giving gifts so we can keep extravagance balanced during the holidays. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to evaluate whether or not your Christmas is too extravagant: 

• Are your spending habits more like Mary who spent all she had for a greater purpose, or are they more like  the prodigal son who wasted his money on himself?
• Do your displays of splendor draw attention to Christ?
• Does your extravagance promote purpose?
• Do your lavish expenditures communicate Christ’s love to others?

God’s love is extravagant. He lavishes his love on us to show his glory and draw men to himself.

Have a beautifully extravagant Christ-filled Christmas!

I used to have a matching set! And just like the never-ending spiral of bags at the baggage claim, some of the unclaimed bags kept reappearing, just begging me to take them home.

I used to wonder why I was so unlucky at love. It took a long time for me to realize that the problem was not the baggage I chose…it was me! My own issues made me a magnet for losers.

How can you avoid unnecessary heart ache? How can you tell what is on the inside of the people you date?

After many heartaches and epic failures I learned that the best way to avoid relationship disasters is to take a look at my own soul-health. Why is it so important to look at ourselves? It’s simple: We attract who we are.

Experts say that we gravitate towards friends and relationships within a ten point spread of our IQ. We are more naturally comfortable around those with whom we can intellectually relate. Likewise, in the realm of soul-health, we also attract those with whom we are most emotionally compatible. 

Putting it another way, baggage attracts baggage. Ouch! So if you're tired of hanging out at the baggage claim, it’s time to take a look at your own soul-health. No matter how healthy you are, there’s always room for improvement. And finally, if you are looking for a life partner, it’s imperative that you assess your soul health. The health of your marriage will never exceed the health of the least healthy partner. That's why it's so important to become who you want!

The following quiz is designed to help you analyze your strengths and weaknesses in your soul. We do heart checks to evaluate the health of our heart. We conduct credit checks to see how we can improve our credit score. We go to the doctor for physicals to get a better grip on how healthy we are physically. It’s time we find a way to seriously evaluate the condition of our soul. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy friends and relationships, but healthy people attract healthy friends and mates.

As you take this test, remember, this is only for your own evaluation. Don’t get down on yourself if your scores are less than you think they should be. This is a snapshot of where you are now. God can’t heal what we don’t reveal, but growth and healing comes when we identify our weaknesses and create a plan of improvement.

If you are interested in learning more, attend our next session of The 7 Must Haves of Soul-healthy Singles beginning in January 2011 at Victory Church in Oklahoma City. If you’d like to see your singles ministry offer a conference, John and Christy would be happy to talk to you or your singles pastor. Contact us at christy@christyjohnson.org.    

Course Overview

Whether you are happily single or praying for a mate, it is vital to eliminate toxic behaviors that threaten your peace and steal your joy. In The 7 Must Haves of Soul-healthy Singles, you’ll take a soul assessment to measure the health of your soul, set goals to eliminate excess baggage and learn strategic behaviors to improve your soul-health. Based on the acronym, “IF-I-PRAY,” these seven must have habits are:  

 







What other singles are saying about The 7 Must Haves of Soul-healthy Singles:

An Absolutely Beneficial Class!!!  Christy and John make this class worth taking.  Definitely look forward to taking it again in February!!!  Amanda

This class brought a ton of questions to my mind that I would have never thought of - if I was just going about a normal day or my church routine. The class had a fresh feel and not the typical stuffiness that can sometimes be associated with religion. John and Christy are a definite: MUST ATTEND and LISTEN to couple! Tom

This class provided me with the tools to overcome hang-ups and set-backs that have been a constant struggle.  I still have to execute them myself, but I now have a path to follow that I know is God-breathed. Ashley

This class was very helpful and informative.  I really enjoyed it and felt that all the subjects were relevant.  This class teaches you how to be a healthy single person spiritually and prepares you to be the best individual you can be while you’re single as well as for future relationships you might have.  Crystal

Check your soul-health. Take the quiz. 

“How are you today?” Vicki asked.

“I’m great, how are you?” I replied.

“Oh, pretty good,” said Vicki as she sorted my cleaning, “except for my heart. It keeps skipping a beat.”

The smile on Vicki’s face didn’t match the concern in her voice. I wondered if her smile was a cover-up, a learned response to conceal her apprehension. As she prepared my ticket she went on to tell me that her mother was on several medications for heart issues as well as anxiety and she was determined not to wind up like her.

It’s funny how much you can find out about someone in a two minute clothing swap at the dry cleaners.

Not knowing whether or not Vicki was a Christian, I thought this would be a good opportunity to witness truth to her. “Many of our thoughts create physical responses in our bodies,” I said. “You’ve probably heard you are what you eat. The Bible says that we are what we think.”

“That’s so true,” Vicki agreed, flashing another sunny smile. “I can think myself into a whole lot of heart palpitations.”

It sounded like Vicki knew the truth, but I wondered how effectively she applied it to her life. Just like we have a choice in what foods we insert into our mouths, we also have a choice in what we feed our soul. Our thought life is what nourishes our mind, will and emotions. We can spend all day preparing a feast of peace and joy or just as easily, we can consume a diet of toxic thoughts that cause fear, anxiety and depression.

So, what are you feeding your soul?

Proverbs 19:8 says, He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.

The word prosper comes from the Greek word euodoō which means to grant a prosperous and expeditious journey, to lead by a direct and easy way, to grant a successful issue, to be successful. Prosperity is not only about our bank balance!

Do you want a prosperous journey of life? Do you want to be lead by a direct and easy way? Do you want to be granted successful issues? I know I do! If you aren’t enjoying this type of prosperity, you can. Just change your thoughts!

The Message Bible puts it this way: I pray for good fortune in everything you do, and for your good health—that your everyday affairs prosper, as well as your soul!

Perhaps you know people who have health and success in their everyday affairs, but their soul is not content. They have every external reason to be happy, but they’re miserable. These people need to hear the scripture I mentioned to Vicki from Proverbs 23:7. The KJV says, For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. According to this verse, the prosperity of our heart and soul is not determined by our circumstances. Our prosperity is determined by our thoughts.

You may have heard the following quote by Francesca Sedgwick:

 Be careful of your thoughts, they become your words.
 Be careful of your words, they become your actions.
 Be careful of your actions, they become your habits.
 Be careful of your habits, they become your character.
 Be careful of your character, it becomes your destiny.

Let’s examine this from a different angle—backwards. 

Want to change your destiny? Change your character.
Want to change your character? Change your habits.
Want to change your habits? Change your actions.
Want to change your actions? Change your words.
Want to change your words? Change your thoughts.

Did you notice? Everything boils down to our thoughts. If I were to delete everything between the bolded words, ultimately, our destiny is a product of our thoughts.

Are you ready to change your destiny? Get ready for a soul detox.  It’s the only way to get rid of excess baggage. Meditate on truth and think your way to better soul-health!

Prayer: Dear Lord, Thank you for Your word that brings healing to my soul. Alert me to the schemes of the enemy so I don’t fall for his lies. Help me to meditate on your truth so that I may renew my mind and walk in prosperity and peace. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones (Proverbs 14:30).
• So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18).
• Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).
• Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).
• Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him (Psalm 62:5).

Questions to Ponder:

1. How healthy is your thought life? What areas need improvement? (self-worth, finances, sexual temptations, physical health, emotions, forgiveness, relationships, etc.)
2. Pretend someone says to you, “I can’t read your mind, but I can come close. Let me observe your actions and I’ll tell you what you’ve been thinking about.” What would your actions reveal about your thoughts? 
3. How do unhealthy thoughts affect your body physically?
4. Read 2 Corinthians 4:18 above. What truths can you fix your eyes on when you need hope?
5. Read Romans 12:2 above. What do you think this scripture means by the phrase, “patterns of this world”?

Click below to listen to John's message on accountability. You'll be challenged and empowered to apply accountability to your life! 

Mens Breakfast.mp3

Marriage is the single most important contract and commitment we will ever make in life. Why enter without the consent and approval of those who know us best? Why risk the most important decision we will ever make to our own intellect?  

Because love is blind. At least according to Shakespeare.  

1 Corinthians 13:4 doesn’t say “love is patient, love is blind,” so I set out to search the scriptures for truths about love’s weaknesses. Is Shakespeare’s slogan grounded in truth or is it merely a romantic notion endorsed to excuse a lack of discernment?

When it came to love, Samson was blind…literally. But not at first. It took awhile for him to go completely blind. His first mistake was discounting the advice of his parents, but ultimately he failed in the marriage department because he was easily manipulated. Physically, Samson was the strongest man alive, and yet, in his soul he was weak and vulnerable. First he marries a Philistine lady, bribes his bride with a riddle in exchange for a new wardrobe, goes on a killing spree and then losses his wife to one of his groomsmen. Can’t blame her. Sounds like Samson needed an Anger Management course.

Next he falls in love with Delilah. From day one she begs him to disclose the secret of his strength. At first, Samson humors her with untruths.  Judges 16:16 says, “she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was vexed (annoyed) unto death.” Basically she nagged him until he finally gave in. Her pleas were so persistent that the incredible hulk was defeated by a woman’s persistent words.

Delilah means feeble. Interesting…that’s what Samson became. He lost his self-restraint. He let whatever guard he had over his heart completely evaporate. Consider James 1:14. “Every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.” 

Enticed comes from the Greek word, exelkō, which means to draw out. It is used as a metaphor to describe how game is lured out of safety by hunters and fishers. Likewise, men and women are lured from the safety of self-restraint by seductive words.

Words are hard to resist, especially in romance. Charm can be deceitful (Proverbs 31:30). We are most vulnerable when we are not surrounded by the safety that a wise counsel of friends provides.   

The old saying, “Love is blind,” really means that our discernment can be easily compromised in romantic relationships, but the way Shakespeare puts it makes it sound romantic. Being blindsided in romance is a dangerous place to be.  

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you or someone else been blindsided by love? What caused your discernment to be compromised? At what point would you say Samson’s discernment was compromised?

until we got married.  

It was only a couple of months before we had our first major blowout. We loved each other dearly but neither of us had much experience with effective conflict resolution. My preferred method of resolving disagreements was to attack and blame—a full frontal assault with lethal accusations.  

He preferred to run.  

When John started packing his suitcase anger steamed in me until it spewed out like hot lava. John had gotten too close to Mount St. Christy. How could I trust him again? I seethed.  It wasn’t until the volcanic ash finally cooled down, I remembered the revelation that my soul was knit together with John.  

Conviction washed over me.  

Of course, that wasn’t the last time we got into a disagreement. I love what Pastor Jessie Bufford says about the success of his 35-year marriage: “I’ve never considered divorce,” he boasts. “murder maybe, but not divorce.” 

The divorce rate in America for first marriages is 41 percent and jumps to 60 percent for second marriages and 73 percent for third marriages. Divorce is most common in the first year of marriage. Within 24 months, one in 12 couples is headed for divorce court. Why? When conflict comes, many run. They think they made a mistake, but conflict is a natural part of life.  

I thank God for my marriage mentor. She listened to me vent, but wasn’t afraid of letting me know when I was wrong. “I doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. You are one flesh,” Alicia encouraged. “Proverbs says it’s to a man’s glory to overlook an offense.” 

Eventually, I thought I had “matured” to the point where I was able to “control” my anger. I prided myself on my ability to restrain my temper and sarcasm. The volcano was dormant, but it was still brewing on the inside. Once again Alicia pointed me to the scriptures.  

Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” 

Now, when repeated offenses and conflict comes, I’ve learned to ask the Lord, “What are you trying to work out in me through this conflict?”  

John and I have been married 11 years now. Marriage is hard work, but the blessing of pressing through the tough spots is worth it. Now when conflicts threaten to erupt, I run to the Lord with my issues and trust that His revelation can provide the restraint I need. 

He brings peace and wisdom in times of conflict.  

When tempers flare, what revelations, truths or scriptures have helped you walk in peace or overlook an offense or otherwise bring resolution?

Before we were married, like most other singles, I had my “list”. I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone older, sophisticated and well established and although John was nice, he didn’t have any of those qualities. He was younger, goofy and still in college—the exact opposite of what I was looking for. Left to my own romantic discernment, I would have overlooked John. But thank goodness, God knew my list was defective. My discernment was compromised. My picker was busted: I picked the wrong man every time.   

It was a Wednesday evening after work on January 28, 1998. John had driven up from Lawton after his classes since I had invited him for dinner. With three small children, going out to eat was a rare occurrence. After dessert, we plopped down on the worn blue sofa in my TV room when John asked, “Do you mind if I pray?” To this day, I don’t even remember what his prayer was about, but what happened next, I’ll never forget:  

An overwhelming presence of peace engulfed me and I felt my heart, not my physical heart, but the heart of my soul, being knit together with John. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s the only way I can describe the supernatural experience that took place. I say “supernatural” because in the natural, I wouldn’t have picked John. He wasn’t my type.  

But here’s the deal: I never had much success in the relationship department.  God knew that without a divine revelation I would go back to devastation. 

The next morning I marched in the office and announced to my single coworker, Julie, “I’m going to marry John.” He hadn’t even proposed yet, but I knew. I knew John was God’s pick, not Christy’s pick. I knew John was a divine hook up, a heavenly match—not a good choice, but a God choice.

Later when conflicts arose in our relationship, it was this revelation that brought back peace. When tensions threaten my peace, if I run back to my heavenly Father for a fill up, my supply of strength and peace will never run out.

How about you? What revelations about relationships have helped you maintain your peace?

If you’re married, how would you encourage a single woman who asks the age old question, “How did you know he was the one?”

Today is June 13. A normal day.

For most.

But not for me.

I didn’t remember feeling like this the last several June 13ths. But today the gray was overwhelming. I decided to dress in black in honor of Jake and my dad.  

"When is it going to happen, Lord? It's been 12 years now. I’ve shared my story to many women, but when is this dream of testifying to the multitude going to happen? Why did you put the burden of this vision on me? I'm getting weary of the wait."

I wonder how Joseph felt when God gave him a dream and then immediately shattered all odds of that dream ever coming to pass. I wonder how Joseph felt when he correctly interpreted the dreams of his prison pals. I wonder how he felt when the cupbearer was released from prison, and then completely forgot about him. I imagine Joseph must have wondered, "Lord, you gave me the ability to interpret dreams, but what about mine? Why did you even give me this dream in the first place?"

I feel like Joseph.

Often. 

I glanced at the fuchsia flower pin hanging on my jewelry board. I didn’t even know the name of the lady who gave it to me. "I love your flower," I told her as our eyes met Wednesday evening at church. She reached for the pin. "I've only worn it one other time. Here," she said. “It’s for you.” 

I clipped it on my dress and left for church.  

He loves me, oh how He loves me.

The words of the chorus rang in my ears.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets...when I think about how He loves me.

I caught a glimpse of the diamond in the middle of my flower.

Maintaining regrets. Me? How could I? I squeezed John’s hand and smiled. As the words soaked into my spirit, I shifted my attitude. His glory shines against my sorrow like a diamond in a black velvet box.

Today is going to be a beautiful day!

When God Shows Up

Both my son Jake and my father passed away on June 13, eight years apart. I had no party planned for such a celebration, but God had something special in mind. A bunch of Garrett's friends piled in the car after church to come over and hang out. On the way home Jenny asked me, "Miss Christy, do you mind if we make cookies again?" I couldn't contain my tears. She didn't know what day it was. All I could think was how sweet of God to surround me with joy and bring a party of kids to cebrate my dad and Jake's homecoming. 

After the cookie feast, they all gathered in the living room and Luke grabbed his guitar. I asked him if he knew "Oh How He Loves Us". When he started playing, I said, "Stop! I want this on my ipod." Now you can join in the celebration. You gotta hear Luke's voice! He's anoited! 

Click here to listen... Luke Oh How He Loves Us.mp3

What about you? When longsuffering, despair or regret threaten your peace, how do you get back on track?

M

It's been said we shouldn't air our dirty laundry in public, but if someone else can benefit from my exposé, I have to say it's worth it. So, here goes.

When I was married to my first husband, it wasn’t long before I realized he wasn't house trained. Any of you know what I mean? I don’t think my man had ever seen a laundry basket in his life. He left his socks and underwear everywhere.  Like a trail of breadcrumbs, they left a pile of evidence everywhere he’d been.

I knew there was no way I was going to get him to pick it up. Believe me I tried and the issue was making me angry. Sometimes it's the little things that bother us the most. They have a way of wearing us down. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life.” For me, when I first learned how to put a guard on my heart, I had to start with these smaller issues. I knew I'd never be able to deal with significant issues until I could learn how to overlook small offenses.

So here was my dilemna: My expectations were causing me bitterness. How could I communicate a boundary that would put a guard on my heart without requiring him to change?

Here's what happened. One day, I told him nicely. I told him respectfully. “I can’t make you pick up your underwear, but I can change my response to this situation. So here’s what I’m going to do.” (This is the first step of guarding your heart—communicating a change, expressing it verbally, and making your needs known.)  I told him, “If you don’t pick up your underwear, I’m still going to pick it up because I don’t like seeing it on the floor, but from now on, whatever you leave on the floor, I’m putting in this special basket, not in the laundry basket. I’ll be happy to do your laundry, as long as you put it in the laundry basket, but I won’t wash whatever ends up in the special basket.” 

Guess what? He didn’t change his habits one bit. Still left trails of evidence everywhere. But, I was no longer angry! There was a huge difference in my peace. Why? Because I had put a guard on my heart. I finally realized I was the only one I could change and I was getting set free. In the meantime, my ex-husband wore underwear he hadn’t seen in years.  And eventually…

He did a load of laundry.

Unmet expectations are a set up for bitterness. The key to putting a guard on our heart involves releasing others from our expectations to change. We are the only ones we can change!

Now it's your turn! I'd love to hear your examples about how you've learned how to set boundaries and put a guard on your heart.

In her book, Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions, Dr. Carolyn Leaf reports, “A massive body of research shows that up to 80% of physical, emotional, and mental health issues today could be a direct result of our thought lives. Resentment, bitterness, lack of forgiveness and self-hatred are just a few of the toxic thoughts and emotions that can also trigger immune system disorders.”

The grasp of bitterness is deceptive. Have you ever hung onto a grudge because you wanted to punish the other person only to notice that you were the only one who suffered? If so, maybe you can relate to the expression, “Bitterness is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.”

Even when we know how destructive bitterness can be, it is difficult to release because it goes against our sin nature. We want to be in charge. We want to dole out the consequences. But no matter how much we want vengeance, Deuteronomy 29:18 warns us: Make sure there is no root among you that produces such bitter poison.

Just like the habit of hanging onto resentment, releasing forgiveness is a decision and reaction. It’s a choice. And the more we practice forgiveness, the easier it gets to tear down the walls of bitterness. Here are my 4 secret weapons I use to prevent bitterness.

1.    Trust God

Before forgiveness can come out of us, it has to be birthed inside of us through a relationship of trust. Forgiveness is a quality we develop before an offense arises. Forgiveness is actually more proactive than reactive. Let me explain it by using electricity as an example.  

If I install electrical wiring in my house and wire a lamp to the ceiling, when I need light, all I do is flip the light switch and suddenly, there is light. But if I never took the time to install electrical wiring and a fixture, nothing would happen when I flip the switch. I could flip the switch all day long and remain in the dark. In order for forgiveness to be a reactive habit or reflex, just like electrical wiring, wiring and fixtures need to be installed. I needed to have a relationship of trust installed into my soul before I can forgive.

So how do we get this kind of “forgiveness wiring”? A person with a willingness to forgive releases control of the situation and surrenders the situation to God by saying, God I trust that you will work this situation out. I trust that you can handle the outcome. A person who is unwilling to forgive thinks thoughts like, I want to handle the punishment. I want to control the outcome. I think my wrath is necessary.

2.   Eliminate Expectations

Four words sums up this principle: Get rid of them! Expectations are a set up for bitterness. Each time our expectations are not met, disappointment sets in, and when disappointment gets rooted in our soul, the climate for bitterness is ripe.

Ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves. Expecting others to perform according to our standards not only puts us in the judgment seat, it also makes us vulnerable to bitterness. We can spend our lives trying to change others, but the only person we can change is ourselves.

3.   Guard your heart

I have a scripture that is my secret weapon to walking in peace and staying free of bitterness. If you implement this one scripture I can almost guarantee that you will eliminate at least half of the issues you ever deal with.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life.” The Bible refers to the process of setting boundaries as putting a guard on our heart. This is one of the best boundaries verse in the Bible and I hope that you noticed who is responsible for putting the guard in place—we are!

Guarding our heart is like buying an insurance policy against bitterness because when we guard our heart, we help protect ourselves against toxic emotions. Guarding our heart and learning how to set boundaries can help us avoid the trap of bitterness more than any other anger management technique.

Identify areas in your life that trigger your anger and then put guards in place to protect those areas. Be cautious around people who trigger your anger. Avoid them if possible. Anger in itself is not a sin, but unresolved anger that turns into bitterness is a sin.

Guarding my heart put me in a position where I could trust God because I wasn’t constantly bombarded with bitterness. Before I understood this scripture, I was a “yes” woman. I thought saying “yes” to everything was the spiritual thing to do, so I did everything everyone wanted me to do, even when it made me angry. It took a long time before I figured out that if something makes me angry, I had no business doing it if it caused me to end up dealing with the resulting sin of bitterness. I had to learn to say “no” to guard my heart.

4.   Take the grace

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you.” But here’s the catch: He gives us the grace to endure and the strength to overcome when we need it, not before. I can’t tell you how many people have told me, “I don’t think I could ever forgive someone for being responsible for the death of one of my children. Well, here’s the deal. Unless, it happens to you—you’re right. You can’t. God doesn’t distribute his grace until the moment of need. He doesn’t give it out early. He gives it out when we need it. The grace for your situation will be different that the grace I need for my situation.

Grace is like anesthesia. How many of you would ever get anesthesia if you were not having surgery? None of you! Only those scheduled for surgery get anesthesia. Anesthesia gives us the natural tolerance to endure physical pain. Grace gives us the supernatural tolerance to endure soul pain.

An anesthesiologist stays by you during the entire operation and watches over you to modify the anesthesia if your tolerance to pain diminishes. In the same way, God watches over you to make sure the pain is not more than what you can bear (1 Cor 10:13).

Still, many people want to be strong by themselves and think they can make it without God’s grace. But if our strength doesn’t come from the Lord, it will not sustain us through our pain. So don’t forsake His strength. Take the grace!

Alan didn’t know his father would die from a heart attack at age 39. If he had, maybe he would have bit his tongue.

“I hate you!” he declared one day in anger. The words slipped out of his mouth faster than a spit wad out of a straw. Unfortunately, they were the last words he ever spoke to his father. 

The angry outburst would haunt Alan for years. Tormented by the anguish he feared would never be resolved, Alan spent many nights trying to swathe his sorrow.

Final dialogues are often echoes in our mind. They ricochet back and forth while an invisible amplifier magnifies their volume. Imagine Jesus’ last words to Peter. “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.”

“Never!” declared Peter. And yet, later, when he heard the rooster’s crows, the sting of this unimaginable prediction pierced Peter.

The word “deny” comes from the Greek word, aparneomai, which means to affirm that one has no acquaintance or connection with someone. Like a divine annulment, Peter was saying the love he felt for Christ never existed. And he didn’t just simply state he didn’t know Christ; Peter added some colorful dialogue that Matthew edited out of his gospel. In his manner-of-fact tone, Matthew writes, Then began he to curse and to swear, [saying], I know not the man. And as soon as the dreadful words rolled off his tongue, Matthew records with the precision of a dramatic Hollywood screenplay: Immediately the cock crew (Matt 26:74 KJV).

Yes, Peter the apostle was a wimpy coward and yet, just ten chapters earlier, Christ said this to him: “God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock (Matt 16:17 Message).

It’s hard to imagine, but here was a man whom Jesus said was so rock solid that he would build his church on the strength of his soul, and nonetheless the same man was capable of denying and cursing his savior. And now, from across the courtyard Peter’s shame-filled eyes met the eyes of Christ.  And with the guilt of a murder suspect caught with a blood on his hands, the rock-solid disciple ran away.

Peter’s final words to someone he loved—an angry outburst.

A regretted curse.

A grave mistake.

In a way, seeing Peter’s faults offers me hope. It makes me realize just how imperfect the disciples were. They weren’t superhuman heroes. The men Jesus picked to be his closest companions were normal men—men who make mistakes, men who were prone to failure, and men who cowered under the pressure of fear. Men, and women, just like us.

Thankfully, for every time we fail, His mercy prevails. After his resurrection, Jesus asked Peter three times, “Peter, do you love me?” He didn’t just ask him once. Jesus wanted to clear the slate. For each of the three times Peter denied knowing him, Jesus gave Peter three opportunities to make it right.   

What about you? Have you ever cursed God or hurled angry words at someone you love?

I hate you!

You can’t do anything right!

I want a divorce!

No matter how grave our mistakes, Jesus longs to remove the burden of our guilt. Christ saw Peter’s future with telepathic vision. Looking past his denial, he saw the intended result of Peter’s life, when the Christian coward would morph into a solid-rock guardian of truth.

Christ sees your future, too. He sees past your riveting regrets and grave mistakes. Will you let him reconcile your failures? Just like Peter, His grace makes your future rock solid.

Prayer: Jesus, I am so thankful that you chose someone like me, despite my failures. You are so loving and kind. You call forth character in me before I’m even capable. You love me when I do the right thing and even when I fail. Thank you for loving me and for extending your grace to cover my sins. Through your strength and mercy, I can be a solid rock. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).
• For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me (Psalm 51:3).
• When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions (Psalms 65:3).
• For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Have you ever walked in denial? Denial is human nature. Read Matthew 16:20 above. According to this scripture, how must we shift our denial in order to walk with Christ?
2. Have you ever imagined that the disciples were perfect? How does it make you feel to realize that the disciples were people just like us, who sinned and made mistakes?  
3. Read the scriptures from Psalms above. When you are overwhelmed by your failures, how can you find comfort?
4. Whatever we focus on is magnified. If we focus on our failures, even after we’ve been forgiven, we often get stuck in despair. If we focus on our future, we are filled with hope. Which is your tendency and why?
5. Read Ephesians 2:10 above. When Christ called Peter a rock, he already knew Peter would deny him. What failures is Christ overlooking in your life? How do you think Christ can use your failures to transform your future?

I used to admire the young girls in my church raised by Godly parents who affirmed them and brought them up in peaceful environments. I saw the edge they had on life as they left home for college, free from the strife of disfunction and chaos. Okay, maybe “admire” is not really the right word. Jealousy is a more accurate description of what I felt. Truth is, I wanted what they had because growing up, I felt like a loser.

As I compared my life with these young women, I often caught myself wondering, How would I would be different today if I were raised in a functional Godly family? Would I have spent two decades of my life uncovering the debris of abuse and the effects of my resulting sin?

Apparently God was concerned about my lack of understanding. “Whatever I’ve allowed in your life, Christy, I meant it for good. Adversity played a role in making you who you are today. Being made whole is better than just being clean.”

That’s sounds like the story of the ten lepers.  

In chapter 17, Luke tells the fate of ten “losers” who sat far off on the edge of town. They were the rejects, the cast-aways, the forgotten of society. Evicted from their loved-ones and communities, their contagious disease was so shameful they were forced to live in seclusion. No one had hope for their recovery, but one day they saw Jesus coming. They had heard about this man and how he healed people. “Maybe he can deliver us,” they said.  As he walked by them on the road, they cried out, “Jesus, have mercy on us.”

And he did. But look at what he tells them. “Go show yourselves to the priest.” He didn’t heal them right there on the spot. He didn’t even say he was going to heal them. He simply told them to go. They didn’t have to go. They could have just sat there in the dust and refused to budge until they saw they were changed. They could have complained and lingered in leprosy. But Jesus wanted them to take action. Without effort and participation, their faith would be worthless. It took some trust for them to go to the priest before they saw evidence of any reason to go. But check this out:

As they went, they were cleansed.

I can imagine the joy they must have felt as they ran back to their families and communities. They were cleansed from a disease that made them life-long members of the Lonely Hearts Club. But now, loved-ones embraced them in marvel and astonishment. Rejoicing surrounded them wherever they went. Celebrations were held. It was time to par-tae!

But One had something else on his mind. One went back to Jesus.  

When Jesus saw One, who by the way was a Samaritan—a foreigner, an outcast of the outcasts—he was surprised. He had something else he wanted to give All. He wanted to make All whole. “One, where are the other nine?” he questioned. “Where are the others I healed?” Jesus was saddened that only a foreigner had returned to give him glory. Nonetheless, Jesus told One, “Your faith has made you whole.”

To be made “whole” comes from the Greek word, sozo, which not only means to restore to health, but also means to preserve one who is in danger of destruction—to save in the technical biblical sense. When One came back to Jesus, he got much more than just having his body restored; he also received a covenant relationship with Christ and salvation for his soul!

Let’s look at the distinction between what the other nine received and what One received. Luke says nine were “cleansed.” Cleansed comes from the Greek word, katharizō, which means to make clean from physical stains, to cure, to purify from wickedness. Katharizo implies the type of cleansing that must be repeated. It’s the same word used in Matthew 23:25 when Jesus rebukes the Pharisees for only cleaning the outside of the platter but leaving the inside dirty. This type of cleansing heals the flesh, but doesn’t save our soul.

For several years, One was considered unclean. His uncleanliness drove him away from society and forced him to live on the edge of town. Ironically, the very issue he and his culture despised was the very thing that drove One to Christ. Without a desperation for deliverance, would he have seen his need for Jesus?

The story of the ten “losers” makes me realize Jesus has something more he wants to give those who live on the outskirts of town. The other nine didn’t realize—their external issues may have been cleansed, but without an inner healing, the leprosy would also rot their soul.

My opinion about my issues and the way I was raised has changed. Now when I’m tempted to think about how my life could have been, I’ll contemplate the truth: If adversity played a role in making One who God intended him to be, then living on the edge of town was exactly where I was destined to live. God intends our issues for good. If I grew up in a perfect environment, I may never have felt the need for Jesus. But just like One, Christ has brought purpose to my issues, and now…I’m better whole than just plain clean.

Prayer:

Dear Jesus, forgive me for the times I’ve compared my life and my circumstances with others. You are the One who makes All things new. So today, I thank you for my life and the adversity that drives me to You. You are so able to bring beauty out of the ashes of my life. Thank you for healing me inside and out! In Your name I pray, Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save (sozo, be made whole) his people from their sins (Matthew 1:21).
• Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed (sozo, be made whole)" (Matthew 9:20-21).
• And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved (sozo, to be made whole) (Acts 2:21).
• And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve (sozo, to be made whole) me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen (2 Timothy 4:18).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Glance at the scriptures above. Using a variety of  English words such as “save,” “healed,” “saved” and “preserve,” all verses reference the Greek word, sozo, which means to “be made whole”. What insight does this bring?  
2. Based on what you’ve read, what do you think is the difference between being made clean and being made whole?
3. Why do you think the other nine lepers failed to return to say thank you and give glory to God?
4. Have you ever been spared from an issue or circumstances only to have the emotional remains rot your soul? What happened?
5. Have you ever felt like an outcast or a reject, locked in a leprous situation—hopeless circumstances that only Jesus could redeem? If so, what finally drove you to Christ?
6. The story of the ten lepers makes me wonder how many times I’ve forfeited a blessing by being a “no-show,” failing to return to say thank you. Instead of being made whole, I settled for half. Has Christ ever done something marvelous in your life and you failed to offer thanks? If so, what are some ways you can return now and give him glory?

“Hey, Mom! D’ya miss me?” Garrett said as he swung open the door and dropped his bags on the floor. 

“Of course I did! Did you miss me?” I asked my lanky seventeen-year-old wearing the same clothes he left home in.

“Yes, Mommy,” grinned Garrett. “Give me a hug.”

The kids at our church had just returned from a two-day youth conference in Arkansas. I wondered how much of the gospel Garrett would absorb after a three-hour tour on a bus loaded with 50 teenagers and enough sugar to feed the multitude. “Tell me about the conference,” I said as I motioned Garrett to sit down.

“The speaker was really funny,” Garrett began. “He started out by introducing himself as a mannequin. Before he came onstage, all you saw was this mannequin dressed like him, wearing a t-shirt with refrigerator magnets on it that spelled, I have issues.

“Yeah…don’t we all?”

“Then offstage we heard this voice speak for the mannequin, “Sorry, guys. I’m a little stiff today. It’s hard to move. Apparently…I’m allergic to Botox.”

 “That’s funny,” I said. “I may have to use that someday.” It doesn’t get more spiritual than that, I thought. This is what I sent my son to a conference for?

“He talked a lot about the issues youth deal with, but when he was finishing, he took the magnet letters on the mannequin’s t-shirt and changed them around. He said we can’t be free until we remove our flesh from our issues.”

“That’s so true.”

“So, he took the two i’s out of the words on the mannequin’s shirt. And then he changed the remaining letters to spell He saves us.

Garrett saw my face was still processing the visual.

“Get it, Mom…The i’s represent our flesh. When he took those out, I have issues changed into He saves us.”

“Oh, that’s awesome.”

“It was pretty cool. He also talked about how God can’t use us until we remove the i out of other issues like sin, pride and idolatry.”

Issues…As if I needed another reminder! God had been dealing with me all week about some of my own stubborn inclinations. Who knew that my son would come home from a youth trip and initiate a review?

I had been reading in Exodus about how God delivered the Israelites from the bondage of the Egyptians. After they crossed the Red Sea, God urged them, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:2-3). Over and over in scripture, God warned his people about returning to captivity.

God is still warning me today about returning to my own Egypts. He knows how easy it is to go back to bondage even after I’ve been set free. It seems as soon as I surrender an issue or idol to God, the familiarity and false comfort taunts my chance at freedom and beckons me back, and my stubborn feet want to retrace the worn path back to captivity.

In Hebrew, Egypt means “double straits.” (Sounds more like double trouble to me.) The root to this name means “pressed in.” In the physical sense, a strait is a narrow pass or passage, a tight squeeze. Figuratively, a strait is a place of great distress, oppression, anguish and difficulty.

Have you ever been in an Egypt—a deep valley with steep sides where the walls press in, a place where the enemy surrounds you and it feels like there’s no escape? Often when we’re trapped, we think God has abandoned us, but consider this: Sometimes, what we think is an ambush is a divine design. God wants to be our only hope! Why do I think so? It’s a Biblical pattern. He did it with Gideon in his fight against the Midianites (Judges 7), He did it with Joshua at the battle of Jericho (Joshua 6), and He did it with the Israelites.

When the Israelites left Egypt, God didn’t lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was the shorter more obvious route. He was afraid if they faced war or difficulties, they would turn back (Exodus 13:17-18). Once they were out of harm’s way, however, the plan switched and God changed their route. He made them turn back and redirected them so their enemy would think they were wandering around in confusion and were hemmed in by the desert. The trouble was, the Israelites thought the same thing.

I think God still uses the same plan to help us escape our own bondages. At first, He takes us along the peaceful route where the absence of conflict gives us courage to continue. But He knows: In order to gain our freedom, we have to go through the strait places, not around them.

That’s when God reroutes us. He wants to be our “pillar of cloud” to direct our days; He wants to be our “pillar of fire” at night (Exodus 13:21). He wants to be the only option for deliverance, so He takes us along a path where even we may think we are wandering around in confusion and hemmed in by our own deserts. That’s exactly where God wants us—in a place where we are trapped with no choice but to trust Him. 

But here’s the deal: When things look the worst, our deliverance is the closest.  

This is when we have to focus on His faithfulness. When we’re cornered by adversity, it’s so tempting to go back to our Egypts, but God wants to save us. When our freedom is just around the bend, we often feel more hopeless than ever, but just like He did for Gideon, Joshua and the nation of Israel, He has come to rescue us and set us free.

I admit, I still struggle with issues. As long as I live in this earth suit, I’ll have to surrender myself to Christ daily. But the mannequin at the youth conference is right. When we submit every trace of our flesh to Him, He takes our issues and removes our I’s. He is the message changer. He takes our I-have-issues and gives us a proclamation of hope:

HE SAVES US!

Prayer: May we always look to You for our deliverance and freedom. When we are strangled by the issues of life and feel like there is no hope, let us look to You for our hope. You are faithful to save us and when You do, may Your name be glorified in our lives to give others hope for their own freedom! In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again (Exodus 13:14).
• A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save (Psalm 33:17).
• It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).
• I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts (Psalm 119:45).

Questions to Ponder:

• Read Exodus 13:14 above. What “Egyptians” or difficult issues have you dealt with in your own life? What strait places did you have to go through to get to your freedom?

• Psalm 33:17 says that sometimes we trust in things to save us. What have you used to try to save you before you looked to God?
• There are many cities in Egypt. Some are suitable for day trips and others deceive us into prolonged captivity. With the lure of a luxurious escape to a vacation destination, we often visit the cities of Bitterness, Revenge, Pride, Jealousy, Sexual Impurity, Entitlement, Arrogance, Abortion, Criticism, Hatred, Divorce, Addiction, Rage, Slander and others. What cities have been the most difficult for you to escape? 
• How do stories of great deliverance in the Bible give you hope for your own deliverance?
• After you’ve been set free, have you ever returned to a former bondage (Gal 5:1)? If so, how can you prevent that yoke of slavery from returning again? If you have not returned,  how can you encourage someone else to walk in continued freedom?

When my first marriage ended in divorce, I thought the shame of dealing with drug addiction was a thing of the past. I never dreamed it would come back to haunt me.

     My daughter Brittany was always so quiet and responsible, but after she graduated from high school things changed. My timid freckle-faced artist morphed into a loud and obnoxious druggie. I hated it when my friends asked how Brittany was doing. What was I supposed to say—she’s smoking crack and popping pills? Instead, I skirted the issue by giving vague details like, “She’s working at Quiznos,” or “She just got her own apartment.”

     Of all people, she should know better—the first ten years of her life were filled with chaos due to her father’s drug habit. Even so, I couldn’t help but blame myself. I raised her in church, and even taught Bible studies and served in leadership. Now that Brittany was challenging my “train-up-a-child-promise” I felt I had messed up somewhere.

     I envied my friends and couldn’t help but compare myself to them. Their daughters were still active in church, going to college, and getting married. What had I done wrong? Internal critiques harassed me daily but like a belt that was one notch too tight, I stuffed the shame.

     After graduation, John and I wanted her to continue living at home so she could attend a local college, but Brit couldn’t wait to move out. She thought our rules were too restrictive. Her only trips home were to catch up on laundry. When I asked about her classes, she got defensive. Then during her second semester she announced, “I’m not going back. I’m flunking most of my classes anyway.”

     I had suspicions earlier, but now it was hard to deny. Her constricted pupils and personality changes were all too familiar. I offered counseling for her, but she refused and met every confrontation with bitter scorn—until the phone call I got after she was picked up for drug possession.

     “Mom, I’m in jail. Can you bail me out?”

     Her request was as casual as if she were asking to borrow a pair of jeans. She seemed to delight in the shock value of her behavior.

     How could she make choices like this? Especially after what drugs have done to our family?

     By the time bail was arranged, Brittany was transferred to the county jail. When I arrived the next morning, she skipped to the car like I was picking her up from kindergarten. “Jail wasn’t so bad,” she boasted. “I even made some friends.”

     I fumed inside. I shouldn’t have bailed her out! She needs to learn a lesson.

     “Oh, and guess who transported me last night from the Warr Acres jail to county?”

     I shrugged.

     “Pastor Michael.”

     “Really?”

     Officer Anderson was on staff at our church for years. Of course, we still referred to him as Pastor Michael even though he now served on the Warr Acres police force.

     “Yeah, I got the mini sermon-slash-lecture on the way, but hey, what else could I expect?”

     I mused at the Lord’s providence. Of all the officers in the city, the Holy Spirit hand picked a divine escort, someone who happened to know Brittany and the Word of God. Brittany may have been the only person in Pastor Michael’s “mobile congregation” that day, but he delivered a sermon just the same. 

     “Brittany,” I said, “remember Psalm 139? Don’t you know there’s nowhere you can go that God can’t find you?”

     Brit just rolled her eyes.  

     Brittany’s freedom came with a huge price after her drug bust: court costs, attorney fees and drug tests. I hated to see her endure so much but I prayed that she would learn from her mistakes and want to come back home. As difficult as her circumstances were, however, she loved freedom more than she hated depravation. Her apparent “avoid-home-at-all-costs” policy only intensified my feelings of failure. I kept hoping she would want to come back home. 

     One fall day while cooking dinner, I got a call from an unfamiliar number. “Hi Mom, it’s Brit. Just wanted to let you know where I’m staying. I met a great new friend. Her name is Brittany too.”

     Her friend still lived at home with her parents. Tears smudged my recipe. Why would she prefer to live with another family rather than her own? I didn’t even feel like cooking. It wasn’t the same without Brittany at home.  

     God, please, send Your Word to her. Send someone to her that will encourage her with Your truth. I quoted scripture: “The seed of the righteous shall be delivered (Proverbs 11:21) and “No weapon formed against her shall prosper” (Isaiah 54:17).

     For several months, Brittany remained unemployed and stayed with her friend. I pleaded with the Lord.  Please don’t let them continue to enable her. God heard my prayer.

     Just before the spring semester of college, her friend’s mother laid down the law. She worked for an attorney and required her own children, as well as Brittany, to sign a “Family Life Contract.” The contract listed behavior required in exchange for free room and board. One requirement was full-time college attendance. When Brittany told me about the contract, I couldn’t help but laugh inside. After all, she collided right back into the very thing she was running from-rules. Along with these new boundaries, however, her friend’s mother also exercised compassion. She convinced the attorney she worked for to represent Brittany pro-bono on her drug charges.

     I marveled at God’s answer my prayers. He sent influence and provision to Brittany even though she no longer lived at home.  And at least this time, Brittany couldn’t get angry at me for making the rules.

     Now that constant expectations weren’t coming from me, gradually our relationship began to improve. I prayed earnestly for Brittany, but for longer than I’d like to admit, God seemed more concerned about working patience and forgiveness in me. Finally another answer to prayer came: During her stay, Brittany recommitted her life to the Lord.

     We still don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, but through the changes God has made in me, I’m able to trust that He will finish the work He began in her. At least now we’re able to enjoy each other’s company again. On Saturday mornings we grab a cup of coffee and hunt down vintage items at local estate sales. Most of all, I enjoy her pesky sense of humor. No one can make me laugh like Brittany.

     Her life still has ups and downs. After a recent DUI, I fell on my knees again and sobbed. She knows better. How can she be so rebellious?

     I felt the Lord speak to my spirit. “If Brittany walked in obedience, would you take the credit?”

     “Well, yes,” I stammered. “I trained her up with the Word.”

     “Then you would be full of pride."

     "What do you mean?"

     "You would be taking credit for your daughter’s decisions. She has her own free will to make choices. I was the perfect parent and my children rebelled. That doesn’t make me any less righteous."

     I had to admit. I had never thought about that before. God is perfection and how often had I rebelled? Even with my comparison and judgement. 

     "The best thing you can do for Brittany is to walk in forgiveness and be there for her when she is ready—ready to listen.”

     A recess bell rang from the school down the street and startled me. I'm sure I'd heard it a hundred times before but for some reason, it was louder today. Maybe that's how Brittany will be. Someday, she'll hear the message loud and clear. I just have to wait until she's ready.

     I’ve since learned the best way to influence my daughter is to let my own life speak. Beth Moore once said, “All we can do is live a life so appealing that they become jealous for our freedom.” I believe Brittany will eventually come back to the place where she wants my advice. But for now, I’m trusting that the Lord will send people to her that she will listen to. And so far, He’s doing a pretty good job.

     Today when my friends ask how Brittany is doing I no longer lower my head in shame. My children are not a badge of honor. They are human too, and like some of us, sometimes they have to hit bottom before they’re willing to look up. So I’ve come up with a catch phrase to speak the truth in faith. Now when my friends ask how Brittany is doing, I simply say, “She’s on her way down to the top.”

     Yes…the top—

     that’s her destiny!

Prayer:  Father, I praise you and thank you that You love our children even more than we do. Please watch over them and even when they fall, lead them back to Your truth. I pray You would send people to minister love to them, that deceit and darkness would not overcome them, and that addiction and promiscuity will be far removed from their culture. May Your spirit hover over our children until they are firmly established in You. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

Scriptures to Ponder:

• Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? (Psalm 139:7).
• Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
• A man finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word! (Proverbs 15:23).
• In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the Lord your Redeemer (Isaiah 54:8).
• I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them (Hosea 11:4).

Questions to Ponder:

1. Read Psalm 139:7 above. When you think your children are running from God, how does this scripture encourage you?
2. Has God ever used someone else’s rebellion to work forgiveness and patience in you? How can applying 1 Peter 4:8 help someone turn from sin and repent?
3. The right words at the wrong time are still the wrong words. Have you ever spoken a truth in the wrong season? What happened? Was the strength of your witness compromised?
4. When we see our loved ones in the chains and pain of sin, how can we rest in Isaiah 54:8 and Hosea 11:4?