We took Pookah to the Aquarium on Sunday.

I had been talking it up for weeks, and everyday he would ask: “We go see the fish?”

Finally, I said yes. We were so excited! We waited until he had his nap and the lines died down on Sunday afternoon before we went…it was perfect.

Then, we got in the museum.

And my child LOST HIS MIND.

I mean, it was a total meltdown of the likes I have never seen before.

A meltdown of EPIC proportions.

He screamed, he hollered, he yelled “NO”, he fell down boneless on the floor.

I just couldn’t understand it.

Where was my calm, happy child?

I admit at this point, C-Dub and I were ready to forget about the $70 we just spent to get in ( plus the $10 parking) and just drag his butt home.

I mean really, can you imagine the LOOKS we were getting? Some of pity, some of disgust, some..I don’t know. I stopped noticing.

Finally though, it dawned on me that this was not rational behavior.

My child is high spirited( and yes, sometimes he misbehaves badly. Yeah I said it), but he does not usually act THIS way.

EVER.

Something was wrong.

Finally I took him to a calm quiet corner and simply asked:

“What’s wrong baby? Are you OK?”

“NOOOOOOO” he cried. “I scared.”

My God, I felt like such a failure as a mommy at that moment. I had made a quick judgement based on how I was feeling and hadn’t stopped to think about my child.

It was all about me, how I was taking him to the aquarium, ME patting myself on the back for doing something educational with my child. ME being upset and embarrased because said child was not acting the way I wanted him too.

I took a deep breath and tried to calmed him down.

I had to carry all 37 solid pounds of my boy around for about 30 minutes until he calmed down. In a gentle voice I told him the fish wouldn’t hurt him. They were behind the glass. Finally he calmed down enough to actually look. Then, he calmed down enough to actually smile. And finally, he calmed down enough to actually laugh and enjoy himself.

We took a break, had dinner ( another $30, but who’s counting at this point) and saw a few more exhibits before I saw he had had enough and we left to go home.

After C-Dub and I put him to bed, we both had drinks. BIG ones filled with unusual amounts of Ciroc.

Sigh.

Who said motherhood was easy?

Project 52:Week 21

I’ve been really thinking about what it is that I REALLY want for my life right now. What really matters.

For me.

It started earlier this week when I finally met with my manager and she told me that moving to days any sooner than August wasn’t happening. And even then, it was iffy. Apparently, the position is mine….when she feels like moving me into it.

It set me to thinking about quality of life, and what quality I want mine to have.

I’ve marinated on it all week.

The fact is that I am not happy about 75% of the time. I spend about that much time either dreading going to work, getting ready to go to work, working or recovering from work.

That’s no way to live.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that something has got to give before I loose all i’ve got.

So I asked C-Dub last night, while at work in the mist of some serious fuckery,if I could just quit.

Now.

He said do it.

Nice to have support when you need it huh?

So I’ll give her until August.

And then we’ll see……

As you know, my parents came to visit this weekend, and I was in heaven. Ahhhh, someone else for Pookah’s attention to focus on….

He ADORES my mother.

He follows her around and asks constantly, “Where is Grandma Rose?”

Note: I love this photo even though it’s not all in focus. He wouldn’t sit still, but joy on his face as he gets away…..

My father is his crazy playmate. They make funny sounds together and play monster.

Yes yes. Pookah loves his grandparents. Notice that joy????

That laugh he has rang out all weekend long.

I really wish they lived closer……

My weekend was AWESOME

I read back on my posts and realize that it’s very rare that I ever post that thought.

Sad.

Anyhoo, my mother and father came to visit this weekend. Why? Well, New Edition was in town and I planned MONTHS in advance so someone could be here so that C-Dub and I could go.  MONTHS.

So anyway, we left Pookah in the capable hands of my parents with explicit instructions from me( ummm yeah, my mother just gave me the look).  And off we went.

Luckily for us, the amphitheater was right around the corner from the house.  Literally: you come off of our street, make 4 lefts and we were there. 5 minutes people.  And we beat all of that traffic because we knew about the back entrance.

It was a BEAUTIFUL evening.

PERFECT weather.

I looked cute( if I say so myself)

He looked handsome.

We got off to a rocky start. Maybe because we just don’t get to spend any alone time anymore. And if we do, its a few rushed moments after putting the boy to sleep.

So, it’s hard you know to come back from weeks, no MONTHS of having hi and bye and dinner is on the table conversations.

So, we started out bickering a little as usual. But as the eveing went on, and the music played and we people watched and I saw a few other married couples with kids that we know, I got to thinking.

Other folks do this sort of thing all the time.

I mean, look at my friend:

She is a obstetrician.  She has two boys ( age 3 and 6).  She is on call one or two nights a week, works in the office and still manages to

• stay in shape
• look good
• and go out consistently with her husband

Now, I know for a fact that her parents are still in Lousianna. I know that his visit occasionally. So they are like me and C-Dub…they have no family help in the area. But they have managed, somehow to get a newtwork of folks togethter so that when it’s time for them to go out, they do it. She goes on girls trips, he goes on guys trips..they go on trips together…without the kids…

I realized that our life is not much different from theirs.  So why can they make it work and we can’t?

Hmmmm

Where there is a will there is a way.  Just like I plotted and planned for the night out with New Edition, why can’t I plot and plan out for an occaional night out? An occasional date night once a month at least where the child can eat, play and sleep with someone else?

I don’t know.

But Friday was one of the best date nights we have ever had. The music, the atmosphere, the conversation, the laughter.

I felt…normal….

In case you didn’t know, I grew up in Washington DC.  Not the metro area, but Southeast DC. The hood if you want to really know.

I loved every minute of it.

As a child growing up in DC there were a few constants:

• A half smoke with chili and cheese was a must have
• Rock Creek Peach Soda and Utz  Crab Potato Chips went together like ham and cheese
• Chicken Wings and Mumbo Sauce is a gourmet meal
• Sundays were for the Redskins
• And Chuck Brown was Go Go

Now, if you don’t know what Go Go is, I’ll direct you here and  here.

To put it simply, go go and Chuck Brown was and has always been, the beat of my city, the soundtrack of my childhood.

My parents weren’t from DC, so it wasn’t like I would hear it in the house. Or even on the radio at that time.

Go Go music just was.

I don’t remember where I first heard it. But I know that the first “song” I ever became aware of, the first one I could do every beat, every “huh”, every word to was a Chuck Brown one. In fact, as I think on it, I know it was “Go Go Swing”.

It was everywhere, from open car windows in the summertime to start up bands in the alley behind my house ( that would be Junkyard Band ).

It was a beat, a rhythm, it was soo….DC.

Every cookout, every house party, every club…..

There is was.

It’s a groove that starts in your hips and moves up your spine until you are helplessly bobbing your head and moving.

Chuck Brown respresented all of this.

I can’t remember life without Chuck Brown.

“It don’t mean a thing, if you don’t got that Go Go Swing. Go doo wah, doo wah doo wah  doo wah ……”

Sigh.

RIP Chuck.

So, I rarely RARELY get to be in photos with my boy. But I set the settings and handed over my camera to C-Dub this weekend and I got a photo with my boy! It’s not perfect, but I got a photo! And I will be printing it out! LOL

Pookah had a GREAT time with the in laws in Mississippi this weekend.

He had three adoring uncles and one cousin to play with, so he was in heaven.

I harely ever had to worry about where he was, because someone had him.

On Sunday evening, they all played football.  It was sooooo funny. I loved it. Of course I had my camera.  Of course I took photos.

Here are a few.

How was your mother’s day?

Mine was crap.

And I hate to use that strong of a word but…

There you have it.

So, I woke up( at my mother in law’s house still).  At 6 am no less.

But the house was quiet. I took a few minutes to check my email, twitter, facebook. You know, all the important things before everyone wakes up.

Pookah woke up about an hour later and said:

“I lub you mommy.”

Awwwwwww! My heart just melted. Perfect start to a mother’s day!

Now, I know that I’m at my mother in laws house and everything, but I expected SOMETHING.

C Dub had surprised me on Saturday with these…

So I was optimistic about how my mother’s day would go.

Pookah proceeded to tell me he was hungry.

I waited……and all I heard was a snore, or two or three.

Ok.  So I got up and fed my boy.

And my husband slept on and on.

And of course, my mother in law had neglected to buy anything other than party food so there was nothing in the house to eat but white bread….

I made toast.

I called my Mother and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. She wished me one as well and assured me she had sent me a card. ( And when I got home there was a gift too! Love HER!!)

We got ready for church( Mother in law wanted EVERYONE to go to church)

And proceeded there.  Pookah lasted through the whole service without me having to leave and take him out! Pretty good for a child who hardley ever goes to church ( fully my fault)

But anyway.

We came home.

And I waited.

I came out to the living room and C-Dub was sitting at the table stuffing his face with leftover barbecue.

Incredulous, I causally ( to most ears) said I was hungry.

He said( and I quote) “there’s one piece of chicken left.”

OOOOOKKKKAAAAY..

And then, while I’m still hot over this and waiting for SOMEONE to feed me more than the measly hot dog I found, he says he wants to stay an extra day.

I couldn’t answer at all in front of my in laws. My answer wouldn’t have been fit for company…..

So anyway, the boys( my brother in laws), debated debated and sat around and sat around until finally, my mother in law said SHE was going to McDonald’s.

That was the way I was thinking so I offered to drive.

Finally, the men folks got themselves together and wanted to go to get Chinese. Ummmm no, Pookah can’t eat anything off the menu.

They all looked at me like I was crazy.

What, you want my child not to eat because you last minute decided to go get something he is ALLERGIC to???

Finally, they decided on….Golden Corral…yep.

Thankfully, we got there and the line was out the freakin door.

Finally, they decided on a steakhouse.

Thankfully, there was something for my child to eat: Barbecue ribs and fries.

I recovered my good humor as the evening went on.

Even though my mother in law had an attitude with me(I disagreed with her decision to eat outside) dinner went well. It was even kinda good.

The night ended with an impromtu football game that was all kinds of hilarious( Pookah was the running back).

I got my photography fix, and Pookah had fun.

He went to bed, I went with him.

The end.

Do you know my mother in law didn’t wish me a happy Mother’s Day? Or my Brothers in Law? It was all about my her, all day long. She even suggested that I leave the flowers that CDub got me, down there with her………

I have no more words.

God, I hope next year is better…..

My brother in law graduated on Friday. I JUST got around to looking through the photos. I love this one of C-Dub and his brothers.

I’m off to my mother in law’s for the weekend for a graduation and Mother’s Day.

But before I go,

Two things:

Number One THIS:

*courtesy of Time Magazine*

Now. Really.

I mean REALLY Time magazine?

I understand the point was to get our attention, but DAMN!

You hear so much about the Mommy wars out there and this is just fueling the fire.

Yes, attachment parenting is a controversial thing in some circles.

Breastfeeding past the age of one is controversial in the US, let alone breastfeeding when your child is 3 years old and standing on a chair to get to your breast on the cover of a national magazine……

While I personally did not want to breastfeed past the age of 1( and Pookah put a stop to it himself at 11 months) I have no issues with women who want to.

What really really REALLY gets me is that this photo on the front cover of this magazine is deliberately provocative. They may say they are trying to start a dialogue, but based on the comments I see, this is just another battle in a long war on who is right, who is wrong, and who is a good parent and who is not.

Number Two:

I usually don’t get political or religious, but in case you DIDN’T know, I am team Obama and a Christian.

Now, I’m not one of those “I will follow behind the president in whatever he says or do” variety.

And I’m not a uber liberal Christian either.

No, I have a brain, and I use it.

There are plenty of things I disagree on with my President.

But his latest stance on gays being allowed to be married is not one of them.

Before I had gay friends, I might not have agreed. But life is an evolution, and hopefully your thoughts and beliefs are too.

I don’t believe in judging others.

PERIOD.

Oh sure, I have thoughts, I disagree, and sometimes I can’t help myself, I judge.

But I am also a Christain, so I always remember Matthew 7:

7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Basically, the pot can’t call the kettle black…

What if Pookah is gay? What if he decides in the future that he wants to shout his love from the rooftop and marry? Will I cast down my own child?

I don’t think so.

But both of these topics today are issues that we have no right to judge others on. Of course, there is nothing wrong with saying you disagree with the idea of gay marriage, or that you would NEVER breastfeed a three year old.

But everyone has the right to chose what’s right for them.

Respect that.