Chumworth on the News » public

Twitter Updates for 2009-07-06

chumworth — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 06:00:00 +0000

quite the beautiful morning up here in maine. drinking coffee like a mofo. #
gotta go back home today to one very pissed off cat. #
can’t wait to get home and mow the lawn. pinch me. #
playing six year old in checkers. she’s hanging tough, but i’m done showing mercy. #
this checker game with the six year old is turning into the battle of stalingrad. #
packing up for the trip home. well, technically, mrs chumworth is packing and i’m watching the wimbledon final. #
just about time to hit the road back home. wonder if my beer missed me as much as i missed it. #
back home! one of my neighbors kindly brought in my trash cans. sadly, neither of them mowed my lawn. #
time to go mow the lawn. testosterone levels are surging! that won’t last. #
just found out how much piano lessons for both kids will be costing us this fall. total fred sandford moment. #
the kids are inside watching ace of cakes. i’m on the porch writing jokes and drinking beer. perfect! #
1.6 million douchebags apply for tickets to michael jackson’s memorial service. nice going, losers! #
RR: attention: new IT Underworld cartoon posted! http://tinyurl.com/lbo89l #
i don’t get this honduras thing. some guy wants to get IN to honduras? strange. #
not to brag, but my lawn looks so good i’m already planning my acceptance speech for the nobel prize in lawn maintenance. #
making whole wheat pasta for dinner. i need help. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-07-05

chumworth — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 06:00:00 +0000

celebrity birthdays: the U.S. turns 233 today. let’s remember those who helped make it happen: washington, jefferson, larry king, etc. #
JOEY CHESTNUT!!!!!! america wins again. i’m getting misty-eyed. #
god bless america. land where a man from humble beginnings can grow up to eat 68 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. how i love her! #
playing chess with the six year old. one of us is toying with the other. #
it’s taking a little too long to beat the six year old in chess. #
just ran out for wine, cheese, coffee and cupcakes. we’re all set for july 4th celebrations! #
now time to play the nine year old in chess. i’ll play with a handicap: i’ll be drinking. #
the six year old is about go paint the kangaroo. i didn’t start doing that until college. #
here we go: chess game between me and the 9 year old has begun! i’m opening with my classic gambit: move pieces randomly towards opponent. #
daughter moving her pieces out fast. she’s aggressive. she’s also going down in flames. #daddydaughterchess #
using some ancient chess strategy: trash talking. the nine year old is distracted. #daddydaughterchess #
with each move i smile knowingly and chuckle condescendingly. it’s all part of my game. #daddydaughterchess #
just took kid’s bishop. i’m refraining from doing the victory dance just yet. #daddydaughterchess #
about to envelope 9 yr old in a classic pincer movement. poor kid has no idea what’s coming. #daddydaughterchess #
CHECK! this game is almost over. #daddydaughterchess #
nine year old just put me in check. clearly, i’m toying with her. #daddydaughterchess #
9 year old keeps putting me in check. she’s falling for my classic rope-a-dope strategy. sucker. #daddydaughterchess #
CHECKMATE!! i win. time for a beer and victory lap. #daddydaughterchess #
drinking beer on the in-laws front porch, watching the girls paint the kangaroo. hard to beat this! #
the kids are getting nuts. the more i drink the less it bothers me. #
just had cupcakes and wine. feeling good, loius! #
sweet crap - steve mcnair is dead? i find this much more disturbing than michael jackson dying. #
who needs fireworks when you have two kids under 10? every night has fireworks. #
watching fargo. more entertaining than the pops. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-07-04

chumworth — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 06:00:00 +0000

morning in southern maine. watching kids shows on demand with kids. the things i do for them. #
just ate another hard boiled egg white. still living in the fast lane. #
attention: new IT Underworld cartoon posted! http://tinyurl.com/lbo89l #
taking the kids swimming, but not at the beach. I need more coffee. #
the kids are wet and dirty and generally scungy. mrs chumworth will now clean them up. i will remain on the couch. #
sarah palin has resigned as alaska’s governor. on july 26 she’ll officially transfer her wardrobe to the lt gov. #
time open a beer in honor of sarah palin resigning! bad news for the wolves: she has more time for hunting. #
my in-laws’ analysis of sarah palin resignation: FIL: her family is falling apart. MIL: she’s pregnant. ha! #
sarah palin has resigned as alaska’s governor. she said she’s looking forward to spending more time with her wardrobe. #
8:07pm and the kids are still awake. i’m calling 911. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-07-03

chumworth — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:00:00 +0000

this unending rain and fog is beyond ridiculous. when did i move to england? #
before the workday gets insane, i shall center myself with some john sebastian: http://bit.ly/7t0Uh #
at work for 15 minutes and this already describes my mental state: http://bit.ly/1Oz3Mv #
raining like a mofo out there. time to check craigslist for a used ark. #
whew - MADE IT TO LUNCH! no small feat, that. #
that’s it. i am stopping work for the day and the weekend. southern maine here we come! somebody have a beer ready for me. #
on the train headed home. still working. curse you commuter rail wifi! #
the chumworths are in maine! watch out. time for a beer. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-07-02

chumworth — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 06:00:00 +0000

i managed to make it into work with my fly up. it’s all downhill from here. #
once again it’s rainy and crappy in boston. i demand the firing of all local meteorologists. #
know how i mentioned my head exploding yesterday, well i lied. TODAY it’s definitely going to explode. #
my head has gone beyond exploding and is now going to implode. #
need a major energy boost. may have to percolate coffee directly down pants. #
somebody hold me. #
home, sitting on the porch drinking a beer and generally going to my happy place. #
someone please make me stop working. #
this wine tastes gross. i can barely finish my fourth glass. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-07-01

chumworth — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 06:00:00 +0000

bernie madoffs gets 150 years in jail. i’m going to work again. no end in sight for either of us. #
been noticing a lot of preggo ladies about to pop on the streets lately. looks like september 08 was one horny month. #
we can remove the president of honduras, but we still haven’t eradicated mosquitoes. wtf? #
is it possible to OD on pretzels? i’m about to find out. #
ok, my head is officially about to explode. #
do i need a drink? yes. how badly? so badly that i am asking myself questions. #
i am drawing a robot. how sad my life has become. #
don’t tell me you kids have never gotten the led out? #
nobody gets the “don’t tell me you kids have never gotten the led out?” line? where’s @stevegarfield? he’d get it. #
ok, powering down to go read my new book - topless. #
ok, now i’m REALLY powering down to read my book (topless). you people keep distracting me. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-06-30

chumworth — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:00:00 +0000

monday morning. on the train to work. trying not to cry. #
ok, coffee - do your thing. fast. #
monday 10:43am: ready for the weekend to come. #
soon i will bleed coffee. #
the sun is peeking out. mother nature is such a tease. she’s giving me meteorological blue balls. #
bob marley is trying to tell me it will all be alright. not sure i’m buying what he’s selling. #
here i am at home drinking a beer and boiling eggs. the dream: guess who’s still living it? #
i am listening to opera. therefore i am classy. it’s ok to swoon now, ladies. #
classic video of the day: plastic fantastic lover http://bit.ly/cXmQN #
clearly i am done with opera for the night. i ain’t all that classy. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-06-29

chumworth — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:00:00 +0000

the kids consistently manage to find the crappiest tv shows and movies ever made. #
bills paid. manliness level knocked down one more notch. #
lunch: coffe, pretzels, grilled chicken and skippy. still haven’t brushed my teeth yet today. #
ok, i’m trying to watch this soccer game. sound like the entire stadium is farting. #
i can’t tell - have they started playing? i see guys running around not doing much. #
our nine year made a banner in the memory of our cat who died a year ago. somehow i doubt i’ll get the same honor some day. #
WHOA - hang on - GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL! SUCK ON THAT, BRAZIL!!! #
i don’t know doodly squat about soccer, but i know it’s better have more goals than the other team. yay! #
i have no idea what happened there, but i can tell the US just got screwed somehow. #soccer #
we could use a power play right about now. #soccer #
i am already bored again. there’s too many guys on the field just standing around doing nothing. yawn. #soccer #
ha! looks like the ref just gave some from brazil a parking ticket. that’s good for us, right? #soccer #
GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!! how do you say “EAT IT” in portuguese? #soccer #
this game is over. time for a shower. #soccer #
wait - i go take a shower and brazil scores? this is what i get for leaving this game in the hands of you people. #Confederations Cup #
are they playing this game in a beehive? this constant buzzing is driving me insane. #Confederations Cup #
NO GOAL, CHUMPINOS! #Confederations Cup #
i don’t get it - why can’t they use their hands? that would make things more exciting. #Confederations Cup #
what’s with these guys wearing gloves and neck warmers in the middle of a game? sissies. #Confederations Cup #
that goal shouldn’t count. how can our goalie concentrate with all those guys in front of him? #Confederations Cup #
honestly, it’s hard to take a sport seriously when guys are using their heads to bop the ball around. #Confederations Cup #
that was barely in the net. i demand a replay! #Confederations Cup #
these announcers on ESPN stink. one guy just said the americans need the ball. that’s some insight. #Confederations Cup #
so, time’s up but the game isn’t over? this game makes no sense. #Confederations Cup #
this sport makes baseball look like non-stop action. #Confederations Cup #
ok brazil, you win this time. but we still have a higher GNP, so there. #Confederations Cup #
RR: brace yourselves: new IT Underworld cartoon posted! http://tinyurl.com/l99pqc #
trying desperately to pretend it’s saturday night, not sunday night. it’s not working. #
crap - just realized i have to go to work in the morning. i’m in saturday mode. #

Twitter Updates for 2009-06-28

chumworth — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 06:00:00 +0000

perfect - the rain isn’t scheduled to start until our BBQ start time. awesome! #
the kids are watching early jon & kate episodes. before it was just annoying to watch them. now it’s annoying and pathetic. #
lots to do today before the beer drinking and meat eating can commence. first up: BJs. still like writing that. #
i stink. time to clean up before the guests arrive and i tap the beer. #
watch out - daddy’s been drinking and now it’s time to cook some meat. you’ve been warned. #
the beer is flowing. could be a long evening… #
it’s always fun hanging out with other parents, especially when booze is included. we’re all like disaster survivors… #

Twitter Updates for 2009-06-27

chumworth — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 06:00:00 +0000

somehow, i have managed to pull myself together enough after the michael jackson news to go to work. i am a trooper! #
not sure how i’m going to make it through this day. probably have to go heavy on the coffee and pretzels. #
looks like i picked the wrong week to quit migraines. #
brace yourselves: new IT Underworld cartoon posted! http://tinyurl.com/l99pqc plus, caption contest still going: http://tinyurl.com/kse6jr #
just ran into an old buddy in the street. i love when that happens. #
ooof - on the way home after one long ass day. one more task to complete: buy beer and whiskey (mrs chumworth asked for the whiskey). #
so, @jimmyfallon dark for the next two weeks; dave letterman dark next week. that means vacation for us joke writers! praise jeebus. #
drinking this and it is quite damn good: http://bit.ly/jYD57 #
THE KIDS ARE DOWN!! THE KIDS ARE DOWN!!! apparently there is a god… #
watching “swingers” - never gets old. #
the 9 yr-old lost a tooth last night and the tooth fairy forgot to come by. in her defense, she was shaken up by the jacko thing. #
the chumworths are hosting a barbeque tomorrow for three other families. 8 kids will be here. i don’t think i bought enough booze. #
out on the porch, enjoying the lack of kid noise. and the lack of rain. not enjoying the lack of pizza. #