Cancer may have stolen my smile, but it can’t rob my joy.

I debated whether or not to blog about my recent surgery. I asked the Lord for His timing. I guess today’s the day because this morning while reading through Psalm 39, I came across this phrase, “…that I may smile again…”

I have learned so much since my dental hygienist asked me about the spot on my lip. I’d noticed this translucent, perfectly round blemish this summer and dismissed it. The Lord has delivered me from health anxiety and although I wondered what it was, my mind never raced with anxiety over the possibility of cancer. Those who know me well, can testify to this miracle of deliverance. I bless the name of Jesus for His work in my heart. He has much more to do and is using cancer and suffering to do it.

There was definitely a time in my life when the mere thought of cancer would have dragged me into the endless abyss of despair and depression. Anxious thoughts would have swirled around my mind robbing me of sleep, altering my appetite, and hijacking my joy. Fear would have pushed its way into my thoughts while I pulled away from family and friends. I would have fallen into the pit of “What ifs?” But praise God, not this time. This time, “Even if” I have cancer God will walk with me entered my mind instead.

I expected the dentist who came to look at the spot to dismiss it as I had. Instead, she indicated we should watch it for two weeks and check back with my regular dentist who had been out of town.

I rarely thought about it during the two weeks and was surprised when my regular dentist recommended I go see a plastic surgeon for the spot located in the lip line of “cupid’s bow”. I was even more surprised when the plastic surgeon at KU said it is most likely carcinoma and we needed to schedule a biopsy. In the two month wait for the biopsy the lesion grew and became rough. But by God’s grace, still no anxiety.

The experienced surgeon was correct in his visual diagnosis. His phone call confirmed squamous cell carcinoma. He referred me to a dermatologist who specialized in plastic surgery and assured me they would call to set an appointment. I waited all day for the call. I waited all the next day and when I hadn’t heard from their office after three days, I asked friends and family to pray that I would get a call to schedule an appointment sooner than later.

My sister responded to my text for the “sooner than later” prayer request with, “I will. Regardless, I trust God for His best good for you whether it’s next week or two months. We will request His perfect timing.”

Reading her words convicted me of trying to control the timing of everything. So while I wasn’t experiencing any of my typical anxiety responses, I had moved into control mode, which is really just a sister sin to anxiety. If I can be in control, then there is less reason to be anxious. Lord, I prayed, I surrender to Your timing for the phone call to schedule surgery. Oh, such sweet peace comes in surrender.

A week later, I went back to the plastic surgeon to have the biopsy stitches removed. He again assured me the dermatologist’s office would call but expect it to be at least a month out. Since I’d surrendered my will for the timing of the surgery, I was free to receive this disappointing news.

However, on the hour drive home from KU Medical Plaza, I received a call from the dermatologist’s office. They’d had a cancellation and would I be available in two days to have surgery? I was elated. The Lord immediately brought my sister’s prayer to mind. If God would have answered my initial prayer for the office to call and schedule surgery on my timetable, I would probably be preparing for surgery next week. Instead, by God’s amazing grace, He used my sister’s not so subtle reminder to “trust His timing” prayer, to lead me in surrendering my will to His. Then, in His tender mercy, He gave me the desires of my heart for a sooner than later surgery. I am in awe of God.

I have much to be grateful for.

• The recent MOHS surgery leaves me 98% sure there is no more cancer in my lip.

• I no longer have to puree my food! Insert crazy happy dance here!

• My Frankenstein stitches have been removed, erasing the concerned and confused stares from precious students who passed me in the hallway at school. I was blessed by their concern but upset by their confused looks when I couldn’t return their smile. I feel like Buddy the Elf in that “Smiling is my favorite!” We now use sign language to communicate our mutual affection for one another.

• I am one month post op and my my lip continues to heal.

And here’s what I learned through this process:

God is more than able to see me through excruciating pain. The MOHS procedure is done while patients are awake. I could smell my flesh burn when they cauterized my lip between biopsies. As my lip swelled to the point I thought it might burst, all I could pray was “Jesus over pain” repeatedly until the procedure was finally over. I know that Jesus really is enough and His grace is sufficient for me.

In the middle of a sterile operating room, surrounded by strangers and at my weakest point, an image appeared in my mind. Jesus. Beaten, battered, and bruised. Lips swollen with no relief in sight. Hanging on the cross, for my sin.

I will never think about Calvary the same again. No wonder Jesus sweat like drops of blood while praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. My lip swelled beyond natural boundaries, pushing through the spaces in my teeth and under them until all I could feel with my tongue was lip and tiny chicklet sized teeth.

I had no choice but to have surgery, enduring pain and recovery as a necessary evil to be rid of cancer. Jesus, however, entered into our salvation voluntarily and joyfully, enduring the pain to rid our hearts of the cancer of sin.

Selfishness, addiction, anxiety, depression, fear, lying, gossip, bitterness, envy, sexual sin, cheating, pornography, and pride. For the joy of setting us free from every sin that keeps us in bondage, He endured the cross.

I am undone.

Wrecked by the deep love of my Savior, I will forever look at the cross in a whole new light. I will never again speak about His sacrifice without picturing Isaiah 52:14, “Just as there were many who were appalled at him – his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond human likeness-“

Last week was Missions Week at our Christian school. Our theme came from Philippians 3: 8 “…What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord..”

Each day had a different focus.

• Jesus is Worth It!
• Missions is Worth It!
• Evangelism is Worth It!
• Persecution is Worth It!

Preparing packets for teacher resources gave me a new perspective on persecution. The Voice of the Martyrs organization has amazing testimonies of those who’ve endured persecution, lived to tell about it, and praise God for counting them worthy to suffer for His great name. Oh, how much I have to learn from them. I am now faced with the knowledge of what it might feel like to be beaten in my face.

Could I, would I, be willing to endure physical persecution for the cause of Christ? Would I consider it joy to be counted worthy to suffer for the gospel? I pray so. And I pray so for you.

Our culture is getting increasingly crazy. Yet, there are moves of Holy Spirit among believers. Repentance and worship is reviving our souls bringing courage to be bold in witnessing and evangelism.

Last week our gymnasium became hallowed ground during chapel.

I witnessed groups of students huddled together in prayer. I listened as 5th grade girls eagerly confessed their sins against family and friends in order to get right with God. I had the joy of praying for 6th grade boys making a commitment to follow Jesus, no matter the cost. Holding students as they wept in my arms over the struggles in their lives was a great privilege. Praying over them was an even greater honor. Students young and old, kneeling with teachers and parents in surrender on the gym floor was a holy moment I won’t soon forget.

If I could smile fully, I would. In the meantime I am grinning as wide as I can. And I’m hanging onto the possible ending that in God’s perfect timing, I might one day smile again. But even if that day never comes, I can smile in my heart and be part of the great move of God across this nation by praying and seeking His face. The eyes of the Lord are searching throughout the world, looking for hearts fully committed to Him. Will He find us faithful? Will He find us hanging onto hope? Will He find us smiling at the thought of considering everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord?

Let it be true of us, Lord.

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This is the last post for the series on #Praying through Luke. So much has happened since December first when I began this journey. I’m sure you could say the same. Are you hanging onto hope? I pray you are, because hope always wins.

Your neck of the woods may still be sheltering in place or you might be walking around mask free. Immunizations may have eased your fears or created new ones. Perhaps you’re worshipping in person or still zooming with your church family.

Wherever you find yourself today, I pray it includes a visit to the foot of the cross. It’s the place where all lives matter because what matters most is the love of Christ for a lost world.

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

It’s the only place where we know for sure we’re loved by our Creator. Who in your sphere of influence needs to be reminded of this truth? Do you know someone struggling with faith to believe God loves us in the midst of painful circumstances, broken relationships, sleepless nights and anxious days?

Maybe it’s you who is struggling. You’re in good company if you are. Peter did.

Even after experiencing the intimacy of Jesus’ inner circle, when confronted after Christ’s arrest, Peter denied even knowing Him. Sunday morning when the women returned from the empty tomb, he struggled to believe them. I think he wanted to hope it was true. So although the other disciples didn’t believe the women “because their words seemed to them like nonsense. Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb.”

“Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away; wondering to himself what had happened.” Luke 24:12-13

Friend, are you wondering what has happened to your life, your finances, or your family? Have you lost hope or faith to believe God is still in the miracle business?

Focus on the cross.

When we do, we’ll discover living hope in spite of dead ends, dead dreams and the enemies schemes. Looking to Jesus for hope fuels us to believe all things are possible. Jesus stands at the door and knocks, anyone who opens the door of hope has sweet fellowship with Him.

Today, let’s experience repentance instead of redirection and trust in His forgiveness instead of our feelings. Hang onto possible endings because His promised endings are better than anything we could hope, ask, or imagine. Amen?

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On Good Friday we remember the three hours of darkness reigning over the whole earth, “for the sun stopped shining.” (Luke 23:45) Scholars try to explain the darkness from noon ’til three o’clock when Jesus was crucified. A solar eclipse, a lunar eclipse, and a sandstorm are among their theories. Does it really matter how it occurred, or is why the more important question?

What do you think?

Could God not look at the sin heaped upon Jesus? Was Satan reigning in his glory? Did all creation mourn the death of Christ?

We may never know the answer to those questions, but it wasn’t the first time supernatural darkness is recorded in the Bible; and it won’t be the last the world experiences.

Rendering judgement on those who rejected God, darkness descended upon Egypt before the exodus of His people from bondage. Guiding the angel to pass over the Israelite homes, the blood of a lamb saved the firstborn within from judgement and death.

At the crucifixion, Jesus, the firstborn over all creation, became our Passover Lamb.

Hallelujah! The blood of God’s Lamb takes away my sin, and yours. His precious blood saves us from judgement and spiritual death. The Lover of our souls was slain from the foundation of the world making a way to find peace with our Creator.

It makes me want to sing “What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.” You may not have grown up singing hymns, or are new to the faith. Here’s a link for a contemporary rendition with powerful images to contemplate on this Good Friday.

It’s clear to me as we come to the end of Christ’s life in the book of Luke, that Jesus was born to die. And He invites us to do the same.

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Showing us the way to die to self, Jesus “sweat like drops of blood” as He surrendered His will to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. Telling his disciples to “pray that you will not fall into temptation” are words still ringing with truth for us today. We are wise to heed them.

If ever we were to fall into temptation, it’s now. Could I encourage you to keep on praying?

Over the last year I have been tempted to give up, give in, and give the devil a foothold in my life. Cancel culture continues to reshape America. It’s a crazy time in our country to be sure.

Incensed over censorship, frustrated with misinformation , and feeling out of control over the future has tempted me to look at circumstances instead of the cross. If I’ve learned anything during the pandemic, political tensions, and personal pressures of life, it’s that I am more self-centered than I’d like to admit.

How about you?

Recent events may be darkening our thinking. Fear of corona virus and cultural shifts can cause us to lose hope. Putting expectations in one political party over another to protect our way of life, instead of looking to the One and Only who gives life sets us up for disappointment.

I admit I want to keep the freedom to worship, teach in a Christian school, and share my faith without fear of reprisal. Since God ordains authority to carry out His will, it may not be His plan for America. Jesus said in Matthew 10:22 that “you will be hated by everyone because of me.” Are we prepared for this? Jesus also said:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Afraid of the mob, Pontius Pilate gave in to their demands and crucified Christ. Perhaps we have become fearful of a mob whose agenda hides in the darkness. Are we quick to listen to one point of view because it fits our narrative about what is happening in our culture without doing the research to find out what the truth really is?

What does the Bible say about immigrants, sexual sin, race relations, and abortion?

Our country is deeply divided, even within the Christian community. I’ve been called out and “shamed” on Facebook over a myriad of topics. Maybe you have too. If we extended mercy and grace the way we receive them from Jesus, perhaps there wouldn’t be a need for articles like Trump vs. Biden: How to keep politics from dividing Christians.

Anyone  who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. I am grieved when I read posts by Christians condemning the other side with disrespect and hate, aren’t you?

Are we living in the light or just walking in the shadows?

The good news is we have freedom to fight for our faith and families in prayer.

• “Call to me and I will answer you.” Jeremiah 33:3
• “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16b
• “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44

Mark 13: 24 records a future day of coming darkness. Referring to His return, Jesus says, “But in those days, following that distress, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken. “

Let’s get ready for His coming. None of us know the hour. We can look at the signs of the times and still be wrong. But we can never go wrong if we look to Jesus and pray through the darkness.

I’ve been hanging onto possible endings but recently God has given me a new acronym for hope. Hang Onto Promised Endings. Let’s follow Jesus in His triumphal victory over the darkness. The end is written. He wins.

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I think we’d all agree, Judas was a traitor. Betraying his master, teacher, and friend for thirty pieces of silver is a heinous thing to do, and I have always judged Judas harshly. But as I read Luke 22 with the purpose of praying through it, I realize it could’ve been me. Could it have been you?

First, I want to be clear that I don’t think Satan can enter a born again believer. So from that standpoint, it couldn’t have been me. Or you either, if you’ve been born again by the blood of the Lamb and sealed with God’s Holy Spirit.

So why do I say I could have betrayed Jesus?

Because while the disciples talked among themselves to see which of them it might be, Matthew’s gospel adds they “began to to say to him one after the other, “surely you don’t mean me, Lord?” Matthew 26:22 If they had to ask, something must have told them they were capable. We still battle our sin nature.

We are all capable of betrayal.

Did they secretly doubt His divinity? Were they confused because He wasn’t building an earthly kingdom, and leading an insurrection against the cruelty of the Romans? Did they misunderstand His mission? Were they frustrated he didn’t care what the elites thought?

What doubts are you having?

Wondering why God allows this pandemic, that diagnosis or divorce? Find yourself questioning why prejudice and injustice still run rampant and wreak havoc in society? Why does God allow political parties in power to undermine and mock Christianity? Curious as to why the church isn’t growing, but there is growing suspicion of the church? Me too.

And it’s ok to wonder, to ponder, and ask God why.

Job wondered how long he he would be “tormented and crushed with words.” Job 19:2 The psalmist asked how long he must “wrestle with his thoughts and have anguish in his heart.” Psalm 13:2

Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Trying to prepare his disciples for the trials to come, Jesus reveals Satan’s plan to sift them. Singling out Peter, he reassures him, “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” I wonder what Peter was thinking. One can only turn back, after going the wrong way. What would you be thinking?

I once heard a Bible teacher say we only get a sifting if we need a sifting.

What needs sifted out of our lives?

Do we care too much about our reputation and who responds to us on Fb, Instagram, and Twitter? Are we so consumed with who is in the White House we’ve neglected to set our own house in order? Has the news and social media warped our views of what is truly important…Loving God and loving people?

Are we so focused on our unwanted circumstances we’ve lost focus on what God wants to do in our lives?

Sift out fear and faith remains. Filter out worry and trust remains. Purify our motives and God’s message remains.

My favorite part of Luke 22 takes place after Peter’s denial. The boasting of the rooster brings to mind his own bold boast before Jesus. Declarations of love and loyalty at dinner replaced by denial and fear by the fire. Then the words of Jesus fill his mind, “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.”

As the last protest refuting he even knows Jesus leaves his lips, “The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.” What must have gone through Peter’s mind in that moment? What would have gone through yours?

The Greek word for “look” is the same word used in Mark’s gospel in the story of the rich young ruler. It implies a stare or locked-in-gaze. It’s a look with special interest, love, or concern. It’s the way Jesus responded to the wealthy ruler asking what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus knew the sacrifice of selling everything would be too great for him to follow Jesus. Yet, “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” Mark 10:21

Despite Peter’s denial, Jesus looked and loved him anyway. And the Lord loves us in spite of our doubts, fears, and anxieties. Even when we question what we believe. Even when we look at our circumstances and his goodness seem uncertain. Especially when we feel our lives spinning out of control and we’re fearful of the future. I love God’s reminder in 2 Timothy:

“If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13

Friend, can I encourage you to hang onto hope in these turbulent times? Whether it’s the pandemic or politics, the economy or education, culture wars or emotions waring in your soul, God has a plan. He has a purpose in what He allows in our lives, because He knows what needs to be sifted out of it.

Sometimes though, wrong priorities, lack of trust, and fear of the future may keep us in our trials longer. Prideful boasting of what we think we know or will do in any given situation just might turn us away from the Savior since pride comes before a fall.

Isaiah 26:3 tells us God will keep us in perfect peace when our minds are focused on Him. Trusting Him to work all things for our eventual good and His ultimate glory builds our faith and can infuse us with fresh hope for the future. Let’s hang onto hope together.

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God’s timing is perfect. I had no idea waiting to write a devotion for Luke chapter 21 would cross paths with the chaos at the Capitol. It’s been crazy in our country, hasn’t it?

Ever feel like you’re watching a movie instead of the news? Do you fear for the future of America? I find it much easier to give into anxious thoughts than to live out what I say I believe. How about you?

As believers we must choose this day whom we will serve. Half of the nation celebrates victory while the other half mourns defeat. I’m sure we all have our preference and tend to lean either to the right or left side of the political aisle.

Does our political divide have to translate into divisiveness among believers?

The pandemic, civil unrest, and political upheaval have ushered in a new era for our country.

How should we respond?

I don’t know how you’ve been praying lately, but I’ve been praying for revival to sweep across our country. What if current events are designed to bring about revival? What if God uses the chaos, disappointments and even devastation to reveal our allegiance has been misplaced?

Perhaps we’ve pledged our lives to health, wealth, and the pursuit of happiness, and not to Jesus Christ?

I want to be careful not to attribute God’s words to the nation of Israel to America, yet, I can’t help but see parallels in Luke chapter 21 to what is needed in our country today. Jesus warned his followers not to be deceived about the end times.

Unfortunately, many of us have been deceived.

Deceived into thinking a certain political party can cure society’s ills. Judging one candidate’s spiritual or moral character superior to the other. Assuming one party’s political platform ensures peace and prosperity for America.

Deception can be found on both sides of the political aisle.

Perhaps we have forgotten Proverbs 21:1:

“The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.”

I would venture to say, anyone reading this has never met either candidate. Yet, we have been judging their ability to govern by what the media tells us; complete with their spin. Ever grow weary of lies, deception, and speculation? Me too.

So let’s focus on the only truth that has no spin.

Luke 21 begins with Jesus teaching in the area of the temple where women could observe but not participate in the temple ceremonies. Jesus not only includes those who society deemed less than, but elevated them with honor and respect. Who in our lives need to be elevated by our honor and respect?

The court of women contained the boxes used to collect the temple tax and freewill offerings. I am challenged by the offering of the widow, aren’t you?

After dropping “two very small copper coins” into the temple treasury, Jesus commends her in front of everyone. Contrasting the gift of the wealthy with this poor widow’s offering He says, “All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” v.4

Do we live that way? Giving our all to the building of God’s kingdom? Or have we been busy storing up treasure here on earth? Have we been so focused on the elections and politics that we are emotionally spent and have little ministry to offer others?

Has our time been invested in watching events we have no control over leaving our personal lives spinning out of control? Are we caught up in speculations that may never be proven, no matter how much sense they make to us?

Jesus leaves no question to how things will be before He returns.

“Everyone will hate you because of me.” Luke 21:17

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being at odds with someone. It creates angst in my spirit. I certainly am not looking forward to being hated. More and more I am reading things that paint Christians in a bad light and this article goes so far as to blame Christians for the protest at the White House.

Christ’s words in John 16:33 come to mind, “In this world you will have trouble.” Persecution doesn’t seem to be an option for God’s children. Our precious brothers and sisters in Christ have been suffering persecution around the world for years. Why would we think we’d be exempt? How many of us have taken our religious freedom for granted? I know I have.

We are to watch and pray in order to discern the signs of the times. Many wild speculations are flying around the internet. Some will prove to be true. Others will continue to deceive many.

Let’s be part of the group that continues to seek truth found in God’s Word.

When persecution comes to us personally, will we be ready to give an answer for the hope that lies within us? Jesus counseled his followers,

“Make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.” v. 14-15

I believe the key to being ready for whatever comes our way is found in the last verse of Luke, “and all the people came early in the morning to hear him at the temple.” Do we seek the Lord early in the morning? Before we check Facebook, Twitter, or the news? Do we make time to pray and read truth before we read someone’s opinion?

The last part of John 16:33 records Jesus saying, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

There’s no way to know what the future holds for America, but we do know Who holds our future.

What if we prayerfully purposed to live out Romans 12:12?

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Let’s hang onto possible endings for America as we put our faith, hope, and trust in the Lord and not in man. God will keep us in perfect peace as we keep our minds stayed on the truth found in His Word.

#PrayingthroughLukeday21

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It may not be what we expected or hoped for. That’s okay. Jesus wasn’t the Messiah the Jews expected or hoped for either. This pandemic has rearranged and changed our world drastically. What if our faith in Jesus did the same?

Has Jesus changed and rearranged how we do life? Who in our sphere of influence needs to know that Jesus brings great joy because the good news is we don’t have to suffer in our sin; Jesus suffered in our place?

Let’s pray for each as we gather or zoom with family and friends this Christmas. May the joy of knowing Jesus radiate on our face as we make room for His grace in our celebrations. Merry Christmas!

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Yesterday the angst grew to overwhelm. Then, at just the right moment, God prompted my sister to call. She is a gift to me in so many ways. Do you have someone in your life who is for you? Who speaks truth in love, full of grace? I hope so.

Listening to her counsel gave me courage to lay aside the pressure of writing daily devotions this week leading up to Christmas. Realizing that I was writing about God more than spending time with Him gave me pause, enabling me to readjust my priorities.

I love writing; more than I ever thought I would. In many ways, I speak to my own soul even as I pray my words speak to yours. But if I am not writing from the overflow of my time with the Lord, then I’m siphoning myself dry.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Many in Jesus’ day missed the Messiah. Looking for a powerful King to overthrow the cruelty of Roman oppression, they overlooked the beauty of God’s kingdom. I don’t want to miss the Messiah in the midst of my writing. I want to be a wise woman.

So, I plan to finish the last five days of writing devotions on Luke 20-25 as the Lord leads. But this week, I will enjoy extended quiet times with Jesus. Making precious memories with family will be my priority as we bask in the love of the Father through Jesus Christ His Son. I will be fully present as we enjoy the gift of His Presence together. I hope you do the same.

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