I showed the doctor a chart and data for my blood pressure. I showed how my blood pressure had gone down prior to medication (though still too high) and that it has not gone down since taking Ramipril. In fact, my blood pressure has been higher since the dosage was doubled to 5mg. Doctor said it showed the dosage was not enough, I strongly disagreed. I said it clearly showed it’s the wrong medicine; that the numbers were going in the wrong direction. I am sure the doctor would of felt justified if I had showed him lower numbers.

I told the doctor I am stopping the tablets for a month to give my body a rest. I explained that my body was not used to daily medication; that I have always resisted medication, only taking tablets when I absolutely need them. A good example of this is when I take an anti-histamine for itchiness. I don’t take anti-histamine often, maybe once every month or so, but once I’ve taken it the effect lasts for several days.

I requested to see a specialist for my blood pressure. The doctor said he would make a referral to a cardiologist at the hospital but said I was wasting my time as he would come to the same conclusion.

Maybe I am taking a risk with my body by suddenly stopping medication. We shall see how my body reacts, but that thought simply re-enforces how negative it is to make people dependent on drugs.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

“errr, yes mum, I know, that’s why the doorbell rang.. that’s what it does.. it tells me someone is at the door”

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

With money we can help to improve the quality of life for other people. Money can buy food, water, warmth, shelter and vaccines. Giving - and that includes money - brings me happiness.

It’s important for us to remember, “money” and “happiness” are not for comparison. But unfortunately for some, placing both words together speaks of morality; that somehow money holds more bad than good. The truth is, there are bad people with money, there are good people with money.

And when it comes to love or friendship, there are people that positively run from money. They avoid people with money because it’s not romantic enough, it wouldn’t give them a Hollywood ending, where romance wins over money.

And then there’s the Great British love affair with Robin Hood; take from the rich to give to the poor - the romance lives on. A lot of people in the UK love to talk of the “filthy rich” - ah yes, bankers, let’s screw them all… they couldn’t possibly be giving people, right?

If we must use both words together - money and happiness - then maybe it’s better to say, “happiness is not gained from objects alone.. happiness can be gained by investing in people”.

The truth of money and people is respect for both. Understand that for many people, it goes easier than it comes. Take it, use it wisely, be kind to others - just don’t run from it.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

It was late at night and I had accidentally strayed into a strange community. A gang of people surrounded me, demanding money. I ran from them and into a shop seeking help, but instead of helping me the shop owners said it was my fault; that I should of said sorry and that it was also polite I pay them money. Fearful for my life I said, “sorry” but they said, “sorry” was not the right word, I must say the word “eleven”. Again I ran away, through the town, hoping to leave the madness behind… but it seemed never ending… and then I woke up.

For a moment I thought, “phew, just a dream” but then I quickly realised I had woken from a dream into a world that is sometimes just as crazy. The difference was in how I chose to reason and react to the world around me. We do indeed live in a mad world.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

I have been to just a few funerals in my life, each time with unconditional respect for loss. However, with all the funerals, I had a greater belief that these people were now in a better place and looking down on us with a greater understanding. That feeling was reinforced when my dad died; I don’t want to get it wrong and I don’t want to leave it to chance; dad is now in a better place.

And after death, whether I am chosen to be with loved ones again or not, I wish their eternal happiness in front of my own. Dad was inherently giving and forgiving, he absolutely deserves happiness in eternity.

But what of longevity on earth? We may be born to die, eventually, but modern science is allowing us to live much longer. Religion aside for a moment, body part replacements and regeneration is going to be fantastical; giving the human body a possibility of living for hundreds of years. How people and society will react is unknown, though I suspect it will be met with troubled times and with a greater urgency to understand the values of life and death.

However long we live within the material world, the duration is small compared to eternity. There is a larger existence beyond our own life. Our inevitable death makes us a part of that existence, whether you call it science or whether you call it God. Thus our death becomes a part of the bigger picture, our birthday to another life, or our birthday in eternity.

Living with the possibility of God means we are living in the light of eternity, shinning upon us. The more we understand this, the more we think about our responsibilities on earth.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

I remember seeing him sedated, his body connected, wired and tubed. His skin cold, his body dependent on machines. He knew it was serious, he knew this could be it, his last moments with us. I remember dad in intensive care, he looked at me as though he needed one last look, a final memory.

Every day we waited, hanging on every call from the hospital. Then his heart stopped… and it stopped again… and then his body died.

When dad died it created a void. When you dig a hole there is at least a space to be filled. But a void goes beyond emptiness, it’s an irreversible feeling of loss. Perpetual loneliness comes close.

On Father’s Day I was laying flowers on dad’s grave, There he was, in a coffin, just ten feet down, with pictures of me, mum and Emilio. I watched as other families visited their dad and I realised I had never truly imagined that day. And it wasn’t just Father’s Day; anniversaries, birthdays and Christmases will never be the same. A sad truth, that in times of celebration, there’s always someone crippled by the hand of grief.

A few days after dad’s death, mum was admitted to hospital with heart failure. Coming home from the hospital, walking into the family home, empty for the first time. A week later, mum returned home; I was spared the pain of loneliness yet living with a void in my midst.

They say, “life goes on”, but the unwilling are slow. Dad’s belongings must be moved or sold, used or treasured. As days go by, dad enters my dreams, now the only place to be. And I awake to meet the void and I reflect on past times, I must follow his example; to be as giving and as endlessly forgiving, to be as kind and as humble.

Dad you have touched my heart and I love you, I miss you, always.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

The reverse is not true. Persons over 74 must prove their age to receive a valid TV license, why isn’t it automated? Which makes me wonder, how many people pay when they are entitled to a free or reduced rate TV license?

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

But like the words of this page, flowing past you, through you, the facts are inescapable. My brother’s existence, however short, was real. At first I did not understand. Nor did I feel the depth of loss for what could of been. Such decisions, after all, are at the hands of God.

And so with a twist of fate, after many years, my son too has grown up and does not know me. The opportunity to share birthdays, holidays, work days, Father’s day, irreplaceably lost. Instead, my son was fed the dirtiest of lies by his mother to satisfy her own selfish needs, to keep her “baby”.

A supplanted reality, an exchange of possibility. That my son has, in fact, grown up with memories of laughter and sadness, not with his father but behind painted walls. Those walls are not shields, they are colourful masks, manufactured to hide the truth. Meanwhile, every day, I feel a pain and anger which never dilutes.

Unlike the story of my brother, this one ends with a simple and certain truth. A time will come when my son can choose to reunite and start a new chapter in life.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

Don’t misunderstand me, there is another side which I very much appreciate. For example, if someone is using an ATM then I fully expect that someone else is not zooming in to see the PIN. This is a very good example where existing systems fail because they are closed; a few “trusted” people abusing their position. Conversely, I have always supported open systems, where everyone equally can see what is going on, transparency is an essential component of trust.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

So let me cite a recent example, when Cameron recently commented about the Pakistan government:

But all we cannot tolerate in any sense the idea this country is allowed to look both ways and is able, in any way, to promote the export of terror whether to India, whether to Afghanistan or to anywhere else in the world … Pakistan needs to do more to shut terror groups down.

He may well be right and negative images like that are not in short supply.

Social media is disruptive for sure but the impact of mass media is also very much alive. Let us remember when the BBC refused to broadcast a DEC charity appeal for Gaza, in the name of “impartiality”. Who was looking both ways then? Clearly there are times when the mass media plays a role in challenging and influencing our beliefs.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

Should people also refrain from wearing hats, scarves and sunglasses? Is wearing a motorcycle helmet any more suspicious than a car with dark windows? Is a frail person with a walking stick, or a mother with a pushchair, anymore visible than a terrorist deploying sarin gas? It should be clear, terrorists don’t need to cover their faces, they walk among us.

Post 9/11, not forgetting imminent danger from Weapons of Mass Destruction, what we have is governments instilling fear and dividing opinion amongst it’s own. Apparently, it’s good for our democratic freedom to debate the repression of women because, after all, these women don’t have real voices, they are being suppressed by their husbands, right? So what happens when one day the government denies YOUR voice because, apparently, YOUR voice is being suppressed and it’s only right they liberate you?

Seems to me, the political machine has turned the burqa into a uniform and a symbol of “the enemy”. That society is silently blind to the uniform of a nun which is somehow more acceptable than the burqa. We live in a society that struggles with the dual role of masks and body paint; great at carnivals but a nuisance and security issue at democratic protests.

If it’s not already clear, I think we need to ignore the political rhetoric and learn to live more at peace with our neighbours; integrate, tolerate and respect. What really counts is good intention.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

On and off over the years I tried to take some time to get my head around facebook. It’s constantly used in mainstream media, apparently the whole world loves it. With all the hysteria, year to year, strength to strength, it must be something special. And friends will tell you about that wonderful game FarmVille… sounds exciting, not… like I’ve been yanked 20 years into the past.

So why is it I NEVER get it? Every few months I come back to it, desperately trying to get with it, only to come back to isolation, the only person on the planet that just simply can’t figure it out. It’s utterly complicated, confusing and mis-guided.

Again I give up, No need for replies, I know I’m stupid.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

• Your friend tells you all the reasons why it will not work.

  The continuous voice of negativity can destroy self-esteem. For many people, finding possible flaws is a habit and easier than seeking or accepting solutions.

• Your friend simply doesn’t get it.

  Early adopters and visionaries may get it but many of your friends may not understand your ideas and foresight.

• Your friend says you’re very smart.

  A potentially disastrous position, being lead into a false sense of confidence, that your ideas are great and worth pursuing. An initial boost of encouragement sometimes sets people off in the wrong direction.

Of course, your friend could also be right, so a balance needs to be made, where we carry enough conviction to pursue our dreams yet equally keep both feet firmly placed on terra firma. We need to learn when to listen and when to ignore.

To better explore your ideas, you may need to downsize them and let them evolve. You may also need to test your ideas with more like minded people.

With each milestone we need to re-examine our journey as it is very easy to believe an outcome was based on sound judgment or execution when, in reality, luck played a greater part.

It may also help to keep a sense of perspective, feedback is relative to failure and success. When you get it right you’ll be cheered on, get it wrong and…

Here are some thoughts on how to respond to feedback:

• Recognise the benefits you are bringing to others.

• The world is in constant change, try to be more adaptable.

• Accept your failures and learn when to cut your losses. Don’t let your losses run.

• Remember people love to see actions, meaning and results.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

The media loves to talk about personal data and privacy. The world, apparently, is full of scammers, losers, weirdos and pedophiles. SIX BILLION PEOPLE on this planet and the chances are it’s all about YOU. How to list the unfamous?

I can deal with the minority of crackheads in our society by applying some common sense and perspective. I’m more concerned about vulnerable groups of people and data hungry organisations. Which leads me to ask, whoever said the Internet is a child’s product? We don’t sell alcohol to children so why are Internet providers allowing unfiltered services to children? For children, we don’t just need filters on the PC or phone, the only true solution is to do it at the service level; filter in, not filter out.

We live in a society that sings the wonders of freedom yet simultaneously tells us why we should be fearful. Isn’t it time that large Internet providers and mobile operators be required to offer child-safe services?

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

But then get online or on the end of a phone and suddenly we feel empowered. People we can filter and run from because there’s always another agent to deal with that nuisance we call a “customer”. Yes, if only business could eliminate the last mile in a money machine, humans. We’ll automate the phones and demand websites and emails. And finally, we’ll curse those pesky emails and let them disappear into the proverbial black hole. Ah yes, where’s the easy life with babes and beaches?

Do we carry those same values to our social life? Does the ability to search and filter new friends and partners lead us to elitist thinking? Does the who-you-know become more important than why-you-know?

In a world more connected than ever, I can’t help thinking we are simultaneously letting slip the value of listening and responding to people for whom we may or may not normally choose.

“I belong here, choice and independence is my right. I choose you, or not, for this is my function of modern living” or so it seems.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

There are places such as airports where police create sting operations; intentionally leaving a bag of money, waiting to be found. The money is subsequently followed to an exit point which is when the police pounce and arrest. At first glance this may seem reasonable; either the money was legitimately forgotten or it is dirty money; drugs etc. In the absence of facts, is that a reasonable assertion?

I’m thinking at this point I’ve probably split my readers. Some of you will argue that dirty money is untouchable and that forgetful people are innocent. The rest of you are probably saying “finders keepers”, “God works in mysterious ways” and “run like hell”!

If I found money in a busy public place such as an airport, I would hand it in and ask for a receipt. Other situations would also lead me to report the incident, for example, if I found it as part of my work for an employer. In all these situations I am making a risk assessment of getting caught in a sting.

But if I am being perfectly honest, there might exist a certain set of circumstances in which I might keep the money. For example, if there was a complete lack of identification and if it was out of work hours and the location was reasonably isolated, then I might make a decision based on specific circumstances:

• does the money genuinely look and feel real?

• are the notes of different denominations or are they all the same value?

• how large is the amount of money? - hundreds? - tens of thousands?

• are there significant batches of notes with sequential serial numbers?

If I keep the money in certain circumstances, does that make me a thief? I say absolutely not. I despise thieves and would be happy to see their fingers removed. When it comes to money, I consider myself a very honest person. If I’m given money to hold, regardless of size, I can return it without temptation. And if I knew you made a legitimate mistake, again I would return the money. I have my own money, I don’t need to beg or steal.

But being honest doesn’t guarantee brownie points. Once, me and some friends found a wallet with credit cards. I located the owner by calling one of the banks. The owner collected their wallet but later called and said there had been cash in the wallet. His implication was that maybe we took the money and returned the rest. Yeah, thanks mate. Would I do the same again? - yes, if the owner was traceable.

But part of my reasoning for keeping money would be whether I played an active role (eg. robbery) or passive circumstance. I simply don’t do robbery but in a passive situation, the “finders keepers” rule might apply for a few reasons:

• First, the person that disposed of the money is missing from the equation, potentially making a legal case very difficult… unless of course you were setup.

• Secondly, the absence of explanation does not make the origin of the money illegal or immoral… at that point, the life cycle of the money is simply unknown. On the other hand, sequential serial numbers, for example, would lead me to reasonably conclude that the money is dirty, thus it would be correct to hand it to the police.

Every situation is different and who’s to say what will happen to the money further up the chain? We may also consider that facts can very often defy reason. For example, sometimes people die and leave their money to charity instead of “reasonably” leaving it to their spouse. Who’s to say how or why the money was there?

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

For my side of things, I raised my voice and failed to respond in a better way. Alone in my room I cried; for not showing enough respect, for not keeping my cool, for not having a better response and maybe for not compromising enough.

For my dad’s side, he failed to accept my rationale and reluctance. Only now do I understand him more. A part of my dad is proud of my achievements; that I got the education he did not, that I travelled where he did not and that I simply became a responsible adult. Equally, when you are proud of others, you will wish for them to have a full life and excel in the areas for which you only dream.

The lessons are simple. Sometimes we must remind ourselves of what others have achieved and that our aspirations can be too high and distract us. Instead of motivating others we sometimes push too hard. And it is also true to say, being correct does not give us the right to fight.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/

Emilio, every Christmas, every new year, there are moments when I miss you so much. My spirit dampens. I take moments to be alone and I cry a little for memories I will never have. But it’s not entirely about me. I pray that you get through this and grow to be a strong, honest and kind man. And I’m sure you will.

For me, for you, the clock is ticking down, a fate NO ONE can change. When the time comes, you will be free to ask questions and you will get answers. Regardless, whether you know it or not, I love you.

Webmaster Mark Ford :: Typing Out Loud :: http://circle.io/