I was given a profile for “my guys” in September of 2008. I had started the surrogate process in July, so this was kind of the moment I was waiting for, like Christmas. My husband and I sat down and sorted through 15 pages of the couple’s thoughtful answers about each other, their decade-and-a-half long relationship, their desire for children, and almost 30 pictures of them traveling around the world, celebrating holidays, and capturing candid moments. I instantly knew I wanted to be a part of their lives—a big part.

When I first signed on as a surrogate, I had a picture in my head of the typical couple I would work with: an older, heterosexual couple who had struggled with infertility for years. I just assumed that those were the people looking for surrogates. When I began working with my screening team, they informed me that gay couples made up the largest population of intended parents. I was shocked. I wasn’t aware of the baby-demand within this population, but quickly realized how much sense that made.

But I digress. When I met “my guys,” my husband and I walked into a small, comfortable conference room and were greeted by two tall (clearly nervous) British men with blue eyes and crooked smiles. They stood and hugged me with such a sense of relief and gratitude; I hadn’t realized how much I already meant to them.

Throughout the journey, they were there for me whenever I needed them. Emails flew across the Atlantic after every OBGYN appointment, and lengthy weekly chat sessions  ensued. They came to the U.S. for the 12 and 20 week ultrasounds. They were involved but didn’t micromanage, instead deferring to me as the pregnancy “expert” and trusting that I would take care of their little peanut. When we got to the gender ultrasound, I gave much thought to how lucky this baby will be to have these two men as fathers. Active, fearless, intelligent, compassionate, tolerant, and affectionate, these guys could be either expert fort-builders or tea party guests. Their son would have all the qualities of an Eagle Scout. Their daughter would be an unstoppable force of confidence. I was excited for them (and their child) either way.

The couple ended up with a little boy. He is 3 ½ now and he is intelligent, adorable, polite (highlighted by the cute British accent), and has more stamps in his passport than most adults do. His daddies took to parenting immediately. They were in the delivery room, bonding and crying the second he was born. And now they spend their time creating a loving and structured world for him.

I couldn’t be happier to have carried for these men. They cherish me and are part of my family now. While carrying for a gay couple wasn’t something I initially envisioned for my surrogacy journey, I can’t imagine it having been any different.

Sara Smedberg is a surrogate outreach coordinator at Circle Surrogacy. In addition to being a registered nurse, she has been an egg donor and a surrogate, lending knowledge, insight, and understanding of the surrogacy industry.

There are many factors that determine the total amount that a surrogate is paid. To give you an overview without crunching numbers, we’ve broken down the general payments below.

Base Fee: In general, a base fee covers your nine months of pregnancy. The base fee is commonly paid in installments, including a sign-on fee and monthly payments. All of this is worked out in the surrogacy contract that is signed by both you and the intended parent(s). Two factors that have the greatest impact on a surrogate’s base fee are her experience and whether she’s insured or uninsured.

Monthly Miscellaneous: This payment is initiated once your contract is signed and your medical screening is complete. It covers any additional expenses you may incur, such as long distance phone calls to intended parents, childcare for when you’re at surrogacy-related appointments, parking fees at the clinic, etc.

Transfer Fee: This fee is paid after confirmation from the clinic that you have gone in for the embryo transfer.

Maternity Clothing: After you have reached the second trimester, this fee will be mailed to you so that you can purchase maternity clothing for the pregnancy.

Multiple Fee: You will be paid this additional fee should you become pregnant with more than one child.

Invasive Procedure Fee: This is paid in the event that you need to have an amniocentesis, abortion, selective reduction, or Dilation and Curettage (D&C).

C-Section Fee: This fee is in given in the case a c-section is performed.

Life Insurance Policy: The premiums for this life insurance policy are paid by the intended parents. You identify the beneficiaries.

Bed Rest/Lost Wages Fee: If a doctor orders bed rest and you are working, you receive  lost wages . If you are not working but at home with your kids, you receive a fee to cover child care and housekeeping. Both of these fees are usually capped.

One of the more important things to discuss with your surrogacy agency is the contract, which outlines in detail how much your payments are going to be. Overall, compensation can include a wide range of things. However, the big chunk of your surrogate income will be the base fee.

After a long and contentious fight for marriage equality, France becomes the 14^th nation to legalize gay marriage. On Friday, May 17, President Francois Hollande signed a law, which takes effect on May 29, 2013, allowing marriage for and adoption by same-sex couples in France.

This historic event comes after much controversy, debate, and protest (often violent), as thousands have taken to the streets. As such, opponents of gay marriage in France (mostly made up of right-wing organizations, religious groups, and the Union for a Popular Movement) are committed to continuing their campaign with a protest on May 26 in Paris. “There are homophobic, violent acts that are committed. The right to demonstrate is recognized and accepted by the French. But no event should degenerate, attack public property or people,” Hollande says in response to the homophobic violence.

Although surrogacy remains illegal in France, and is not part of this legislation, the law does allow gay parents through international surrogacy to adopt their child(ren). The adoption part of the law ensures that both the biological and non-biological mothers or fathers have parental rights recognized in France.

Join us in Brussels, Belgium, on June 22-23, 2013, for an information session and consultations on surrogacy and egg donation in the U.S. Sign up now.

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What an amazing opportunity it is to give the gift of life, especially for another person via surrogacy.  This gift comes with a lot of responsibility and expectation to create a healthy baby—and it all begins in pregnancy. During your surrogate pregnancy, you are  eating and living for two, so it’s important to get informed to make the best decisions for an optimal pregnancy. Here are my top wellness tips for being your best during the next exciting nine months of your journey as a surrogate.

Eat and Cook Fresh Foods.  Eat a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats to get balanced nutrition. Avoid packaged foods that have artificial ingredients, are loaded with preservatives, provide little to no nutritional value, and are typically high in sodium. Make sure foods are cooked thoroughly to avoid ingestion of bacteria that could harm the baby.

Keep a Healthy Weight. Maintaining a healthy weight during pregnancy is important to manage. Here are recommendations from the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics on weight gain guidelines during gestation, including calorie intake based on Body Mass Index (BMI) and physical activity.

Eat Mini Meals Daily.  Kick off the day with breakfast and eat every two to three hours. These mini meals should be 200-300 calories and include a mix of protein, whole grains, and healthy fats to stabilize blood sugar, ultimately regulating hunger and mood. Design a menu plan to suit your needs and tastes with USDA’s MyPlate.

Boost Your Nutrition. During pregnancy, there are several nutrients of which you need more, including protein, iron, calcium, folic acid, and omega-3 fatty acids or DHAs. As a critical insurance measure, you should be taking your doctor’s recommended multivitamin daily. Here is a break down of these essential nutrients.

1. Protein and Iron. Animal sources of protein contain iron that your body can easily use. But many other foods contain iron, too: kidney beans, black beans, tofu, pistachios, fortified grains (Grapenuts), and Total cereal. Artichokes, baked potatoes, broccoli, and lima beans are all good sources of iron, as well.
2. Calcium. While calcium requirements remain the same during pregnancy, making sure to get your three servings of dairy per day is important. Greek yogurt is a great choice because it contains more protein than regular yogurt while also giving you calcium and probiotics. Other sources include low-fat cheese, eggs, milk or milk alternatives, such as soy, rice and almond.
3. Folic Acid. Supplementation with 400 mcg of folic acid during pre-pregnancy and pregnancy (especially the first trimester) has been shown to reduce neural tube defects and is recommended by the Center for Diseases Control and Prevents, March of Dimes, and the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Folic acid is most likely in prenatal vitamins. Also find it in lentils, dried beans, peas, asparagus, and dark leafy greens, such as spinach and collards, and, too!
4. Omega 3 Fatty Acids or DHA. These essential fatty acids have been linked to brain development in children and help reduce inflammation in the body. Good sources of DHA include cooked salmon, flaxseed oil, walnuts, flaxseed meal, hulled hemp seeds, and spinach.

Exercise Daily. Being active boosts your metabolism and mood. Continue with your exercise routine and keep it consistent. I’m a big fan of yoga for stretching, and it also helps with the actual birth.

Smile and Laugh…A Lot. Spend time with your support system during your surrogacy. Research suggests that the child’s well-being is linked to the woman’s mental health during pregnancy. If a dark chocolate treat makes you happy, go for it!

Keep a Journal. Track your food and mood so you can see if there are changes, e.g. allergies, food aversions, etc., that you should discuss with your intended parents and doctor on your next checkup.

Stay Hydrated! Drink plenty of water throughout the day. Set an alarm for every two hours as a reminder to guzzle up more H2O.

Avoid Alcohol and Caffeine. It’s best to stay “clean” during this nine-month period because the baby takes in what you consume.

Get Plenty of Rest. Get eight to 10 hours of sleep a night so you can keep your stress level down and eat more consistently. Guided meditations and instrumental music are great tools to help you get your rest.

Stay on track with this wellness plan and review it with your intended parents to reassure them that you’re taking initiative to create a healthy baby!

FREE RECIPE! Banana Cream Smoothie

Stacey Antine, MS, RD, founder of HealthBarn USA and author of Appetite for Life:  The Thumbs-Up, No-Yucks Guide to Get Your Kid to be a Great Eater (HarperOne 2012), has taught more than 40,000 kids and families how to eat well and live healthy lifestyles since 2005.

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“When are you due?”
“Not for another two months.”
“Have you picked out a name?”
“Not yet. The parents have a few in mind, though.”

Although you’re excited and confident about your decision to become a surrogate, some people, such as neighbors, community members, and/or acquaintances, may not feel the same way  or may have a lot of questions.

If you’re faced with resistance or judgment, which often stems from misconceptions or a lack of knowledge, take a deep breath. Equipped with the following pointers, you can gracefully discuss your choice to become a surrogate with anyone—even those who don’t understand.

Be confident. When you’re passionate and confident about your decisions, more often than not, people become more interested. Let others know that you’ve fully researched the topic and are confident about helping to create life for a couple or an individual.

Offer information. When discussing your surrogacy with others, it may be beneficial to provide information about the topic. Prejudice stems from people judging before they know all the facts. It’s not your responsibility to change someone’s opinion on your decision. But you can be a source of knowledge for those who are willing to listen and learn.

Accept that others may simply disagree. And hey, that’s okay. Not to sound corny, but differences in opinion make life interesting, sparking debates and conversations. The key is to be respectful.

Lower your defenses. You want those involved in your conversation to actively listen so they digest your points.  Being defensive only makes the feat harder. It’s easier to get through to someone when you’re guard is down; they see that it’s safe to engage.

Topics to avoid during conversations about surrogacy.

• Religion: Religion is a touchy topic for most people. It’s also a point of controversy when it comes to surrogacy. Your best bet is to avoid the topic altogether. If someone continually brings it up, let him/her know you’re uncomfortable with the subject. If they don’t respect your wishes, remove yourself from the situation. Chances are that people who don’t respect your wishes aren’t going to be open or engaging in conversation.
• Money: Finances are personal regardless of the context. Moreover, some may argue that it’s unethical to pay money for such a process.  While they do get paid, surrogates are also being compensated for their time and dedication. And many women become surrogates because of altruistic or personal reasons, not just financial gain. For example, a surrogate may have a gay friend whose dream is to have a large family with his partner. She’s the key to his making his dream come true.
• Abortion: Being a surrogate, you know that there are rare medical circumstances where intended parents may need to consider abortion or selective reduction. Many people have strong opinions about this. Because the debate is often a heated one, it’s best not to even bring it up.

Hopefully you’ll use these tips to lead discussions about your surrogacy journey toward a positive and informative direction. Most important, be sure to leave any conversation just as confident as when you entered it.

What do you think? What have you found helpful when talking about your surrogacy journey? Let us know in the comments below!

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“This is the equivalent of authorising homosexual marriage in Brazil,” according to Raquel Pereira de Castro Araujo, head of the human rights committee of the Brazilian bar association.

A different path to marriage equality

The decision could make Brazil one of 14 countries that allow gay marriage nationwide. But today’s ruling differs from approvals of gay marriage elsewhere in the world in the way in which it was issued.

In most countries and states where gay marriage is allowed, that right has been established via legislative action (recently in Minnesota and New Zealand) or by court decision (as in Massachusetts). By contrast, today’s ruling from Brazil comes from the country’s National Council of Justice, a panel responsible for overseeing the Brazilian justice system.

No need to wait for Congress

The Brazilian Congress has not approved a marriage equality law, but Supreme Court Chief Justice Joaquim Barbosa noted that there was no need to wait to extend marriage rights to gay and lesbian couples. The council’s decision today emphasizes the 2011 ruling of the Supreme Court that gay couples must have the same rights as heterosexual couples.

Fourteen Brazilian states had previously authorized gay marriage. Today’s ruling extends the right to all 27 states. It can be appealed before the Supreme Court.

Last week, the Federal Council of Medicine adjusted the wording of the Brazil’s assisted reproduction law to clarify that gay and lesbian couples must have access to in vitro fertilization and other reproductive technologies.

State senators voted 37 to 30 this afternoon to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. The state House of Representatives passed the bill last Thursday.

Gay and lesbian Minnesotans have been able to obtain second-parent adoptions in many counties across the state, although there is no statewide ruling on them. We hope the new law will encourage their availability across Minnesota.

The legislature’s vote comes just a few months after Minnesota voters rejected a constitutional amendment that would have restricted marriage to heterosexual couples. It was the first time voters in any state had rejected such an initiative at the ballot box.

An encouraging sign

This month alone, legislatures approved marriage equality in Delaware and Rhode Island. There were also successful marriage equality votes this year in France, New Zealand, and Uruguay. A bill to allow gay marriage is currently in the Illinois legislature.

Gay marriage allows same-sex parents to tell their children that their families are just like everyone else’s, not just in society’s view, but also in the eyes of the law. The global movement towards marriage equality in recent months is an extremely encouraging sign of things to come.

Decide whether you want to work with a known donor or an anonymous donor. Known donation is becoming more popular. It allows communication between intended parents (IP) and donors. You can carry on the relationship to your agreed upon level of comfort, too. For example, you can meet and exchange information to be in touch in the future, if necessary, or form an ongoing friendship. In an anonymous donation, you would not have open contact or communication with your donor. The contracts would use only first names and all information would be exchanged through an agency. Getting to know the donor is considered to be beneficial for both you and your child. It helps the child to understand  where he/she came from, provides the child with a sense of identity, and allows you and your child to remain updated about his/her genetic parent’s medical history as it changes over time.

Review and compare egg donors’ in-depth profiles. Applications are filled with questions and answers that reflect the applicant’s persona, traits, and values. Once the application is complete, donors submit photos of themselves and are placed into a egg donor database. This part of the matching process pertains more to the personal connection between the intended parent and donor. It’s the getting-to-know-you process.

Identify traits that are important to you in an egg donor. Through the egg donor database, intended parents can filter egg donors by hair color, height, age, eye color, weight, education and ethnicity of the woman they want to work with—the possibilities are endless. Others choose donors who look like the parent who isn’t  biologically connected to the child. For example, if you have dark hair and blue eyes, you may want to choose an ovum donor based on those criteria  And some decide who they want based on personal interests, talents, personality, or IQ.

Have a back-up plan in case your requested donor is in cycle. By choosing 3-5 donors, you’ll prevent yourself from having to go through the matching process again in the case of a failed match. Keep in mind that, even if your preferred egg donor is in cycle, you can ask if she would be willing to consider another donation with you if you’re willing to wait.

Be realistic with your expectations. The probability of finding everything you want in one egg donor is low. Intended parents are encouraged to approach the experience with an open mind. Who knows? You may discover a new affinity for certain traits or characteristics in a person.

After you’ve made your choice on paper, it’s a good idea to meet the egg donor in person or contact her by phone or Skype. There’s something about meeting someone face to face that allows you to make a more accurate assessment. You’re going to be working with this woman on a personal level. For most people, the face-to-face interaction helps solidify their decision.

Good luck!

1. There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.
George Washington

3. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.
Oscar Wilde

4. My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark Twain

5. If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

6. All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
Abraham Lincoln

7. Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.
Stevie Wonder

Share your holiday photos or videos of mom on Twitter and tag your post with #facesofsurrogacy.

From all of us at Circle Surrogacy, we wish moms everywhere a happy Mother’s Day!

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It’s important to know upfront that you can’t become a surrogate unless you’ve given birth before. The reason for this is that child birth can be an emotional and complex time for a woman. The surrogacy agency you’re applying to needs to be certain that you can emotionally and physically handle the nine months of gestation as well as delivery.

You may find the application to be lengthy. This is because it’s trying to create a detailed picture of who you are—inside and out. That’s why you’ll be asked about your health history, employment, your partner’s information, education, psychological history, reproductive information and personal interests. Additionally, you will likely need to submit current photos of yourself.

Common Application Questions 

• Have you ever had a C-Section? If so, how many have you had?
• Are you currently receiving any government financial assistance? (this would include public housing, welfare subsidies but not Medicaid)
•  Do you have any history of illegal drug use or alcohol abuse?
• Is your BMI over 33?
• What surgeries you have had?

The information gathered on the application is used for matching purposes with intended parents. It helps them learn a bit about who you are as a person. After all, you’re potentially carrying their baby.

Once the application is complete, it’s reviewed for approval. If accepted, you’ll be contacted within 24 hours by someone from the agency. At that point, you’ll begin the surrogacy screening process!