Clark Kent's Lunchbox

Hey Dad Bloggers

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 07:32:00 PST

Hey dad bloggers, just dropping everyone a line about the Dad 2.0 Summit coming up March 8-10 in Austin. There's already over 100 people registered to go which means this is going to be a well-attended event with a lot of opportunities available for doing some networking, getting your name out there, and meeting brands like LEGO and Johnson & Johnson.

Also, at the moment, there are meetup events planned in various part of the country prior to the conference. The are the ones currently schedule (Houston's is coming up in a few weeks):

* Austin: February 1, The Cedar Door

* Chicago: February 15, Johnny O’Hagan's

* Atlanta: February 9

Wondering what the event will be like? Check out this great video by the crew at Dad Labs.

And if your looking to cut costs or have some special circumstances, get in contact with the organizers for help and questions.

If you're wondering what the value in going to one of these conferences is, particularly if you're hoping to take your blog to a professional level, then know that attending events like this this are what will make you stand out.

Would You Tell Your Children That You Used Drugs?

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:00:00 PST

I’m going to make a confession here that few people know about: I’ve used illegal drugs. For a little over a year after my divorce I took X-stasy and smoked marijuana. That’s right, not in high school or in college, but as an adult.

Go ahead and judge me. This is the internet, which, among its many benefits, is the freedom to condemn others anonymously in the comments section. If you feel so compelled, have at it; just know I won’t care. It was dumb, I know. I’m not going to waste time justifying it, and that’s not exactly the point of this post anyway.

The question I’ve had to ask myself rather, is whether I will admit to my children that I once used illegal drugs. There are pros and cons to this of course, which boil down to... continue reading.

The History of Fatherhood in the United States

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 06:02:00 PST

After yesterday’s post about Roman Krznaric’s essay on the history of the men as fathers, I decided to do a little research on my own; being a self-professed history nerd, I didn’t require much arm-twisting to do so either. Unlike Krznaric’s broader worldwide focus, I decided to hone in on just the progression of fatherhood in the United States, and what I discovered was surprising.

Most of us are familiar with the major events in history—the colonization of early America, the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, World War 2, and so on. What many of us may have not considered, however, was the part these events played in shaping the image and expectation we have of fathers today, which, when looked at through a lens of the past 300-plus years in its entirety, is slightly off in my opinion.

What’s more, when looking through that lens, keep in mind that many of the perceptions we’ve had of family dynamics throughout history are incorrect or only half-truths. For example, the idea of colonial fathers being an austere, unfeeling, authoritarian ordained by God isn’t entirely accurate. Did religious dogma dictate that the man was to be the head of the household? Yes, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t warm and unloving. We only see it as being so because such an arrangement seem archaic and stifling within the context of our contemporary society—a society that has morphed over three centuries at the hands of ever shifting socio-economic conditions and world-changing events beyond our control.

To get a true picture of this progression of fatherhood through time, there was no way I could fit everything into ten slides; thus the presentation is split into two parts (and even then it’s still probably not enough).

Slideshow 1: Fatherhood in the US: 1700's to 1900's

Slideshow 2: Fatherhood in the US: 1900's to Today

12 Month Plan for Dads To Prepare for the Apocalypse

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 06:53:00 PST

Well, this is supposed to be the year the Mayan calendar runs out and the whole world’s supposed to go KABLAMO! Whatever. Personally I don’t think it’s going to happen, but I can’t say the same for my family. Last week my stepdaughter got in the van and started running down all the things that are supposed to happen. By the way she was listing them off I could tell what her source material for this was.

“Where did you find all this out?” I asked.

“I was watching TV with Grandma,” she replied.

Exactly what I thought. But then it occurred to me that all of this might be plausible. As a father I’d feel pretty stupid standing in the cul de sac watching fire and brimstone rain down from heaven come December 31st. So maybe putting a plan together might not be such a bad idea after all. I think what I finally came up with is pretty tight.

Worse Than a Non-Believer: Dad-Moms Are An Abomination to God

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 07:36:00 PST

As I mentioned in my last post, I’m not done with the whole Dad-Mom topic. In reading the various posts on Tide’s depiction of a stay-at-home dad being “awesome,” I came across the religious take on the topic played out in a point, counter-point debate between Owen Strachan, a professor of theology and church history at Boyce College, and Laura Ortberg Turner, an admissions counselor at Fuller Theological Seminary.

The discussion was a lively one, as you can imagine. To Strachan, the dad-mom, represented yet another of society’s attempts to pervert Bible’s stringent rules dictating who should and shouldn’t be laundering the frilly dresses and folding them with complete accuracy. In response, Turner contested this citing cultural context and scriptural misinterpretation before then mentioning the actions of Jesus that lead her to believe the Son of God wouldn’t be adverse to domestic duties. Read more about why God hates at-home-dads

What the Hell is a "Dad Mom" Exactly?

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 06:30:00 PST

Good Morning America recently did a segment on stay-at-home dads (SAHD) and society’s changing perceptions of men in this role. Overall I thought it presented the topic in a positive slant as opposed to reports in previous years where SAHD’s were more of an oddity and in many cases, simply victims of circumstance.

What’s ironic for those who have been plugged to the SAHD community for a while, is that this gig as the full-time parent isn’t quite the phenomena it’s sometimes made out to be. Just read Jeremy Adam Smith’s, The Daddy Shift, or follow the NYC Dads Group, or chat with the bunch at AtHomeDad.org.

Continue reading about the "dad mom"

Work Life Balance is a Myth

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:40:00 PST

The concept of Work/Life balance is as elusive as the mythical Fountain of Youth. It’s more of an ebb-and-flow-type deal where you bounce back and forth from a storm of work overload to the aimless doldrums of domestic boredom. It’s the extremes of yin and yang with no Zen-like middle ground—well, for me anyway. I know there are those of you who seem to processes an unholy mastery over these circumstances, but in my eyes, that just makes you the spawn Franklin Covey and Satan.

This is a big struggle for me at the moment. Up until a few months ago, I had the freedom to balance freelance work, family duties, and personal interests. Things got a little wacky here and there, but all in all it evened out. I could knock out a few assignments, put the dishes away, help the girls with their homework, and even fit in some recreational reading. Now, however, I eat all my meals in office, I have no idea what the kids’ grades are, and I’ve nearly gone into septic shock on three occasions because I didn’t want to ... continue reading

Father Versus Stepfather: Like Jordan and Bird

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 08:00:00 PST

Spending some quality one-on-one time with the kids has been long overdue, and so, last week, I took my oldest stepdaughter out for coffee where we could chat about whatever over peppermint mochas and cinnamon coffee cake. Each of my stepdaughters are non-stop chatterboxes, but if you had to determine which is the fastest, Stepdaughter #1 would be the photo-finish winner. Not only does she zoom along at a mile-a-minute, but she also changes topics with the same fluid maneuverability as an Italian sports car weaving in and out of traffic.

“I can’t believe I’m over 5 feet tall. Did you know that my dad is 6 foot, 3?”

I actually am aware of this. I see her dad weekly, that and she’s told me a million times. With Stepdaughter #1, even though the subject matter may vary, she more often than not will tie it in some way to her father. ...Continue Reading

The Ron Swanson Guide to Raising Boys

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 07:03:00 PST

Behold. The Man, Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson from NBC’s Parks and Recreation, might be the most brilliant character on TV in my humble, expert opinion. I want to be him. My wife is convinced that within a few years I will completed my transformation in becoming Ron Swanson incarnate, mustache and all. Besides already sharing the same first name, we both hate big government, enjoy high-protein meals, and think wood sailing ships are beautiful.

Swanson maxims on life are swift and simple. “The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness” is a work of a genius that addresses a wide array of important subjects like, for example, fashion attire (“Shorts over 6” are capri pants. Shorts under 6” are European.”). Such straightforward ideology also extends to the area of preparing sons for manhood.

Here are but a few Swanson-isms I plan on instilling in my sons.

Ending the Affair Between Santa and His Greatest Lover

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 04:43:00 PST

The foggy cold weather made my tongue sizzle. The smell of the eggnog and cookies filled the air. As I walked in the living room I saw a mountain of presents. It was finally Christmas. Therefore, I felt as if I were Santa’s biggest lover! The End.

Adorable right? My stepdaughter wrote that after making her Christmas list last weekend. She firmly believes that Santa Claus, the elves, the reindeer—all of it actually exists. To her they are every bit as real as the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. She’s also 9.

Two nights ago I killed the affair between Santa and his biggest lover. Shattered it like a fragile tree ornament hitting the cold hard floor of reality. I had just handed the girls their dinner, when she said that the kids in her class were making fun of her for believing in Santa.

We’ve had a lot of problems with the little punk-asses in Stepdaughter 1’s class. Last year it took exactly 1.5 seconds for us to call a meeting with the administration after I caught her trying to smuggle a knife to school. She planned on using to defend herself against several boys who were touching her where no one should be touching any girl. There have been other issues too. ...continue reading.

20 Toys Kids Won't See This Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 09:30:00 PST

Every Christmas is seems there are more and more toys for children to ask for. When I was a kid, it was all Lincoln Logs and Tinker Toys. Now everything needs batteries or requires some sort of Internet hook up. What’s more, toy makers think they need to tie children’s play things into social issues and current event. What happened to using your imagination and just being a kid? Good grief, Charlie Brown.

All that aside, there are 20 toys out there that I’m fairly certain kids won’t find under their trees this Christmas. Here are the first 10, and these are the remaining 10.

Is Newt Gingrich Wrong About Why Kids Are Lazy?

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 06:00:00 PST

Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich thinks poor kids are lazy and child labor laws are dumb. This controversial opinion is, of course, bereft of facts, but that’s Newt Gingrich’s schtick–provocation through outlandish remarks. His claim here is based in part on the premise that these children lack adult role models to teach them what it means to work.

Statistically this could be debunked using Census Bureau data showing that 3 out of 4 working adults (18 – 34) considered to be poor have one or more jobs and another 25% work part-time. The data also indicates that 50% of children living in extremely poor homes have at least one working parent in the household. The numbers, I suppose, could be debated all day, yet Gingrich raises an interesting question about our children’s work ethic.

At age 12 I started working in one of the feed mills my father owned, and by my early teens this became a full-time summer job. It was hard physical labor, and my dad, to his credit, didn’t cut me any slack as the “boss’s kid” either. I may have resented my father being tough on me, but in hindsight, it was one of the best lessons he ever taught me. Without that, who knows where I’d be.

In response to Gingrich’s statements, Geraldo Rivera (yes, that Geraldo) echoes this same sentiment about fathers teaching ...continue reading.

If You Don't Follow the Rules, Don't Expect Your Kids to Either

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 06:21:00 PST

This year our school district announced that it would no longer provide bus services to students who lived within a 1 mile radius of the school—budget cuts. With only one vehicle, this put us in an inconvenient position. My wife would now have to tack on an extra few hours to her day catching a series of buses to and from work, while I keep the minivan just so I could use if for couple short trips to get the kids.

By no means were we the only ones dealing with the inconvenience, which meant there would be a substantial increase in the amount of car-rider traffic. The administration anticipated this, but despite their best efforts, holy frijoles, what a mess! It looked like the parking lot at Reliant Stadium after a Texans game let out. Cars everywhere–all doing their own thing, all ignoring the teachers’ direction, and students darting ... continue reading.

14 Reasons Why My Kids Are Smarter Than Congress

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 09:00:00 PST

In a Huffington Post article, it was reported that Congress’s approval rating was now lower than porn, polygamy, and the BP oil spill. This shouldn’t come as any surprise, given our elected official’s track record. You think that that Senators and House Representatives would be a smart, savvy bunch given what’s been entrusted to them, but sadly, that’s not the case. In fact, if Congress and my kids were to engage in an intelligence contest, my kids would have to take out their brains to make sure it was a fair fight. Here’s 14 reasons why:

Type A Parenting Doesn't Mean Being an A-Hole

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 09:00:00 PST

Not too long ago I had an interesting experience when a Wall Street Journal columnist asked if she could interview me for a piece she was doing on Type A parents raising Type B children. Intrigued by the topic, I agreed to her request. I hadn’t really thought about how my Type A traits impacted this aspect of my life, which as a stay-at-home dad, dominates a considerable chuck of my day.

The interview, I thought, went well. The columnist, Sue Shellenbarger, was sincere, and her questions caused me to reflect on both my failures and successes as influenced by my Type A-ness. There were moments when I was too harsh and not as understanding as I should’ve been, but there were also times when I adapted to the situation rather than forcing ... continue reading

But I Don't Want to be a Mommy!

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 07:00:00 PST

There’s been a whole lot of talk about dads of late—stay-at-home dads, out of work dads, marketing to dads, dads being more involved, and of course, dad bloggers. We’re the hot topic it would seem. Someone even made a remark to me that dads are the new moms. Yeah? Well don’t lump me in that group. I don’t want to be a mommy.

Sure, the cultural landscape has shifted for families partly as a result of the economic downturn and partly due to changing attitudes about fatherhood. In fact, this is something I understand this on a very personal level, seen as how I lost my job and ended up becoming a stay-at-home dad (SAHD). Even so, just because my wife and I flip-flopped roles, that doesn’t mean I handed in my ... continue reading

Milwaukee's Ad Campaign Obviously Judgmental of Co-Sleeping Parents

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 06:00:00 PST

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin—This week a storm of controversy erupted over a co-sleeping campaign by the City of Milwaukee’s Health Department’s use of ads depicting infants on their stomachs sleeping next to a butcher knife. According to the Department’s website, the awareness campaign is intended to reduce the number of infant death due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and Sudden Unexplained Death in infancy (SUDI) which in Milwaukee accounts for 20% of infant deaths, most of which are caused from unsafe sleep environments.

The campaign took a negative turn, however, after ... continue reading

Fans and Their Moms Celebrate End to Bieber Paternity Suit

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:00:00 PST

LOS ANEGLES, California—Across the country, tween girls and their moms are rejoicing over last week’s news that Mariah Yeater had dropper her paternity suit against pop star Justin Bieber. Yeater withdrew her lawsuit after text messages on her phone revealed the possibility that someone other than Bieber fathered Yeater’s 4-month-old Tristyn Anthony Markhouse Yeater whose lengthy name may yield clues as to the father’s actual identity.

“We’re so thrilled,” said 12 year-old Katie Winthrop of Irvine, California. “We knew it wasn’t true!”

“Never say never,” added Winthrop’s mom, Ashley. “Unless it’s a paternity suit.”

A small but dedicated group of fans in Bismarck, North Dakota were ... continue reading

Texas Governor May Have Addiction to HPV Vaccine

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 06:00:00 PST

AUSTIN, Texas—A former staffer working for Governor Rick Perry’s election campaign is claiming the presidential hopeful regularly injects himself with the HPV Vaccine. In a phone interview with TMZ, the campaign worker, who wished to remain anonymous, told the reputable news agency that they had witnessed Governor Perry using syringes filled with the HPV vaccine, also known as Gardasil, on numerous occasions.

Asked to comment on the allegations of chronic HPV vaccine use, Governor Perry issued a statement denouncing the claim as being “absolutely false.” However, sources close to the election staff did confirm that... continue reading

Researchers Predict Duggers Will Rank Second to China in Population by 2029

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 14:00:00 PST

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas—Sociologists at the University of Southern Texas of Plano predicted that the Duggar family will have the world’s second highest population by the year 2029 making it second only to China. The study comes after Michelle Duggar recently announced on the TODAY Show that she is pregnant with her twentieth child.

The USToP’s research looked at births, deaths, related legislation, and likely disaster scenarios, to include a large meteor impacting fifty miles outside of... continue reading

Fathers Seek Therapy After George Clooney Deemed Likely To Be a Bad Dad

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 07:34:00 PST

NEW YORK CITY, New York—Therapists across the country have reported an increase in the number of fathers suffering from Sudden Identity Crisis Syndrome, or SICS, after remarks claiming actor, George Clooney, would probably be a lousy dad. “I haven’t seen this many Clooney-related SICS cases since Batman and Robin,” remarked Michael Clayton, a New York City therapist thought to be the country’s leading SICS expert. “I’ve had to bring in additional staff to handle the overflow.”

Clooney’s paternal prowess was called into question by... continue reading

Glee National Competition: Of Course They Win. We Didn't Watch This Show for 3 Years to Watch Them Lose

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:11:00 PST

So here’s what you missed on Glee: The New Directions are headed to New York City for Nationals thanks to Puck who stole a garbage truck to break Brittany out of rehab, to keep Santana from being chased by bounty hunters, talk Artie out of being in a street gang, and help Quinn pass Driver’s Ed. But his plan couldn’t bring Mike back to life after dying by electrocution. Meanwhile, Rachel finds her voice again as well as Finn who had locked himself in a closet. Kurt knows how to rock plaid pants and a newsboy cap, while Coach Sylvester says mean things to Mr. Schuester, and, once again, Mercedes and Tina are doing something minor as fill-ins to the cast so they have an even number of cast members. And that’s what you missed on Glee.

Opening Scene: A bus and a garbage truck roll up in front of some theater in New York City, and the Glee Club members all pile out of the vehicles.

Finn: Gee, it’s so …big.

Brittany: That’s what she said.

Santana: Seriously? Why would you say that, Brittany? I thought you liked girls?

Brittany: I do. And I like puppies.

Kurt: Well, you can betchyour Argyle socks this puppy’s going to be one tough competition.

Quinn: Nice plaid pants and hat. Is that what they call a newsboy cap.

Kurt: Why yes it is and thank you for noticing.

Santana: The 1920’s called, and it wants its wardrobe back.

Kurt: Hello, the, uh …the—well I don’t know who called but they left a message asking if you have any other clothes besides that cheerleading uniform. The polyester must be fused to your skin after wearing it for three years.

Rachel: Guys, guys. Stop it. Here we are at Nationals—the biggest achievement of our lives, the final moment before those of us who are seniors will graduate and the writers will take us off the show except for cameo appearances when the ratings are low, and here we are fighting. We’re supposed to be a team.

Finn: Yeah, Rachel’s right guys. We’re gonna get written off the show and make cameo appearances. Also, we’re a team.

Tina: I just wish Mike could be here with us.

Mike: What are you talking about? I’m standing right behind you.

Everyone turns around and looks astonished. Then Mr. Schuester walks around the bus as starts heading for the entrance to the concert hall.

Mr. Schuester: Come on guys. *sniff* We need to get inside and register.

Mercedes: Mr. Schuester, are you okay? You look upset.

Mr. Schuester: No *sniff* I’m fine. [starts crying as he runs into the building]

Artie: He was on the phone with Coach Sylvester. She made fun of his hair, and then he just cracked.

Rachel: I bet if we win that will cheer Mr. Schuester up.

Kurt: And totally validate his existence in life.

Rachel: And that too.

Finn: So if we don’t win…

Puck: Mr. Schue is probably headed for the loony bin.

Mercedes: We’d better get inside

The Glee Club starts to head inside when a piano from four stories up falls right where Mike was standing.

Mike: Wow! Guess I’m just a lucky guy.

* * *

Next Scene: Inside the theater. The Glee Club is behind the stage waiting to take their places as soon as the next school finishes their routine.

Kurt: Artie, what’s the matter? You look more nervous that the rest of us.

Artie: I can’t go out there.

Finn: Why Dude? Don’t tell me you’re getting stage fright now after three years of performing and then all that time in a boy band before auditioning for Glee.

Artie: No. It’s not that. It’s… well, one of the leaders from a rival street gang is out there and he’s going to shoot me on sight.

Santana: That’s not a gang leader—that’s my Uncle, or something.

Brittany: I’m really hungry. Does anyone have a cat?

Puck: You know who’s hungry? Children all over America.

Quinn: Not now, Puck. Gawwwd. You have the worst timing.

Rachel: Stop nagging him, Quinn.

Mercedes: Stop telling us what to do, diva girl!

Finn: Guys, guys—

Kurt: Oh stuff it step-brother-who-only-became-my-step-brother-because-of-a-plot-gimmick-last-year- when-the-ratings-were-horrible.

Finn: No you stuff—

Fight erupts behind stage. Then Mr. Schuester walks up.

Mr. Schuester: Guys, what’s going on? I mean here you are the last chance to sing before half of you get written off the show and we get a bunch of newbies and hope that they are good enough to carry Glee for one more season, and you’re out here fighting like a bunch of school kids. This is it guys. The end of the road, and some of you might end up going back to Broadway, but the rest of you—what do you have? A cameo appearance next year, a lot of commercials if your agent’s any good, maybe even a minor part in a Tyler Perry movie? Right now, you don’t have anything other than this moment on a primetime television program that ends with this series finale.

Finn: Gosh, we’re sorry Mr. Schuester.

Brittany: Yeah, we don’t want to see you in a mental ward.

Mr. Schuester: I don’t want to see you there either, after you find out the only job you’ll ever be able to get is selling cosmetics at Macy’s after this little run on television.

Puck: Mr. Schue, can I say something?

Mr. Schuester: What is it Puck?

Puck: Well, as you all know, I am the cool spokesman for the Child Hunger Ends Here Campaign, and since this is the last you’ll ever hear from me, I am pleeeeeeading with you to get our school signed up for a chance to win that $10,000 grant. There’s lots the school could do, like a canned food drive or just collecting UPC code from select ConAgra brands. There are tons of needy kids out there who don’t know where their next meal is even coming from. It really doesn’t take much.

Mr. Schuester: Puck, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but would you please get out there and sing? The rest of the Glee club started singing the opening number 2 minutes ago.

Puck: Right, Mr. Schue. I’m on it!

…and the New Directions went on to win Nationals, just like everyone expected them to do for the past three years. And while most of them never got steady work as actors ever again, they all lived happily ever after …except Mickey because, oh my gawd, those bastards had him fall off the stage and break his neck.

* * *

Editor’s Note: Although the above content is a parody of the TV show Glee, the intent is to keep readers engaged as opposed to hearing a public service announcement. Child hunger in a America is much more serious than people realize, and you can help ConAgra, Feeding America, and Schools Fight Hunger simply by asking your school to sign up. We hope that you will. Thanks.

Army Strong Stories: Airborne. All The Way Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:22:00 PST

The following is Part 2 in a series recounting a recent visit to the Army's Airborne Training School at Ft. Benning, Georgia. You can read Part 1HERE.

Army Strong Stories: The Swing Landing Trainer

SSG Webb

At the headquarters building of the 1-507th Parachute Infantry Regiment, the unit responsible for the Airborne School, we joined Richy Rosado, our PAO contact who then gave us a quick briefing on the Regiment’s history. Rosado, himself was and 10 year Army veteran, having served in both the Ranger Regiment and Special Forces, details revealed after it was mentioned that not only was I jump qualified, but also that my father served in Special Forces during Vietnam.

Prior to this Rosado and I did what all soldiers typically do when meeting someone for the first time—size the other up until we’re convinced of their legitimacy. It's something of a reflex. From day one, you'er trained to depend on the soldier to your right and left, and naturally you want to know if those standing with you are the real deal. Common history and shared experiences can speed that assessment up, although my long, unruly hair and unshaven face probably didn’t make the best initial impression.

The same drill was repeated upon being introduced several minutes later to Staff Sergeant Webb who had been assigned to escort us around. SSG Webb’s ruddy complexion said he spent a lot of time outdoors, and his solid frame filled out the ACU’s (Army Combat Uniform) he was wearing. The firm handshake confirmed his level of fitness.

Note to self: Do more push-ups.

DC 3 used in WW2 and Beyond

From here, SSG Webb walked us up an asphalted track past the Airborne Walk memorial, which is flanked on either side by a DC-3 and C-119, airplanes relics used by paratroopers in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. Along the way, SSG Webb pointed out the various training apparatuses lining Eubanks Field. He spoke in that official tone professional soldier use when talking to civilians until someone mentioned that I was Airborne qualified.

“Oh. You know the drill then,” he said in a suddenly less formal tone, and his face loosened in relief, realizing he didn’t have to explain everything to the same level of detail. The reaction, however, made me feel guilty for not saying anything earlier. I didn’t want to be that obnoxious guy who’s all “been there, done that.” Yet by the same token, one of the biggest annoyances to enlisted soldiers is wasting their time. Officers--the smart ones--try to avoid doing this. Having been both sides of this fence--enlisted and officer--this is the last thing I wanted to do during my visit.

“When did you go through, sir?” SSG Webb asked.

I had to think a moment. “97,” I replied. Fourteen years? It's been that long already?

The four of us chatted for a few moments when a truck rolled up, and out stepped a man who I, at first, mistook for one of the school’s cadre until he introduced himself as Rick Jones, a contractor from California. Jones’s association with the Airborne School is an interesting one. The president of R.J. Manufacturing, a company specializing in producing ropes, Jones was contacted by the Army to develop a long-lasting rope to replace those used on a device at the Airborne School known as the Swing Landing Trainer (SLT).

Watch the Swing Landing Trainer in Action

Jones explains his redesigns to the SLT

The SLT is a contraption I'm familiar with to put it mildly. Its purpose is to simulate the final moments prior to performing a Parachute Landing Fall (PLF). Students stand on a platform roughly ten feet high where they are fitted with a harness that, in my time, was suspended by a set of four ropes hanging from a set of pulleys. Four students on the ground would pull those ropes tight as you jumped off the platform and swung in the air until the class instructor gave the command, at which point the students would release the ropes, thus allowing you to execute a picture-perfect PLF.

The problem with the SLT, though, was that with the thousands of students going through training, the ropes tended to wear out quickly, and the Army turned to Jones for help with something more durable. Jones did the Army one better. After studying the problem, Jones redesigned the entire apparatus by affixing the harness to the four corners of an H-shaped, metal frame suspended by a cable looped through a ceiling-mounted pulley and then run back down to a release lever operated by the instructor.

This may not sound like much, but considering the savings in maintenance costs Jones provided the Army, that money can be applied elsewhere. What’s more, as opposed to the arbitrary heights a student would be dropped from on the old SLT, the new configuration drops students from a consistent height, which has resulted in fewer injury-related withdrawals, particularly among females.

The imposing 250 ft Towers

What immediately strikes you about Jones is his passion for, not only this project, but for the Army as well. His excitement in detailing the finite aspects of the SLT’s engineering, is hard to miss.

“I do have a business to run,” Jones said. “But if I could, I think I’d do this for nothing.”

His assertion is believable considering Jones could’ve provided the Army with new ropes and then charged them for replacements over time. As the company’s owner, he could easily send someone to Ft. Benning to check the SLT’s equipment. Instead, he makes the trips himself, and often helps out with other projects when he’s in town. Later that day he would be climbing to the top of the 250ft tower to assist with a maintenance check. Climbing 250 feet up some metal frame-like structure when technically you don’t have to, demonstrates dedication …in an extreme way.

Next Week: Airborne 5000 and the 34 ft Tower

* * *

To read more about today's soldiers, check out Army Strong Stories, blog posts actually written by the men and women serving in the United States Army.

It's still Movember everyone, please help me as I raise funds for finding a cure to prostate cancer while also growing silly facial hair to prove my dedication. Yes, that's right, I'm asking you to donate a few bucks to the cause. Remember, the ass you save may be your own.

Disclaimer: In accordance with FTC regulations, it is necessary for me to disclose that the Army paid for my travel, lodging, and meal expenses during my trip to Fort Benning, Georgia.

Can Fatherhood Really Change Bad Boys?

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 08:54:00 PST

If you’ve noticed an increase of Planned Parenthood literature at your local methadone clinic, jailhouse, or AA gathering lately, it might have something to do with Oregon State University’s recently released findings claiming that fatherhood cuts down on smoking, drinking, and crime. The 20-year study, conducted in a series of annual interviews, followed more than 200 at-risk boys from the time they were 12 through to age 31, at the conclusion of which, roughly two-thirds of the participants had fathered childern.

The study also noted that the most dramatic behavioral changes occurred in men who became fathers in their late 20’s and 30’s. The study did not evaluate why age played a factor in relation to the degree of change. However, the researchers suggested that the overall conclusions opened up an opportunity to approach men in such circumstances with positive... read more

Do Dads Have More of a Cultural Foothold Than We Think?

noreply@blogger.com (Clark Kent's Lunchbox) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:00:00 PST

Last week on “Babble Voices”, Catherine Conners moderated an all-star ensemble of parent bloggers, writers, and TV personalities as they prophesized the apocalyptic 2012 end to fathers who will be wiped from the face of the earth by eight-foot tall Amazonian mothers, wielding blood-drenched swords while carrying slumbering infant offspring in the Baby Bjorn baby carriers strapped to their iron breastplate… hold on a second, let me recheck my notes. No, I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. The actual issue being debated was as to whether dads were losing their paternal relevance in age when cultural narratives indicate mothers can raise children free an independent from fathers whose only function in life is a proclivity for tripping over their own junk.

Conners’s thought-provoking question elicited a range of well-articulated opinions from the panel, which was fairly represented by the X and Y chromosomes. Most agreed a ... read more