I speak a lot about becoming clear on what you truly want in your life and then you can set your focus to achieve it.  But, I often get asked: “How do I do that?  I don’t know for sure what I want.”

We all have dreams and ideas of a perfect life, but sometimes the life we are in doesn’t exactly fit into that description. Clarity is important so steps may be taken and attainable goals set in order to move in the direction of the desired outcome.

But exactly how do you gain that clarity?  My experience has shown that clarity is the most difficult portion of creating a life map and a lot of time needs to be spent gaining insights into what is truly wanted by you.  This is like an archeological dig. The area where a big “find” might be hidden is identified, then preparations are made, excavation begins, but gently.  Finally, once clues begin to show, then the dust is carefully swept away to reveal the treasure.

Remember that life is not like some game that you play a few turns and win.  There is only continued playing – this is all a process and one that will always continue.  The “winning” comes in the form of new insights, openings, and releasing of various personal difficulties.

Begin by looking at a specific facet of your life, such as health, career, finances, relationships, etc.  Begin to note what comes to mind about what you don’t like, or what is not working in your life with regard to that specific facet.

Next, make some notes about what you would like.  Focus on one area at a time.  After you have something written down about your likes and dislikes, think about what steps you can take, immediately if possible, to begin turning things toward what you do want.

For example:  If your finances are not where you want them, list the things that are not working – you have too much debt, your income is lower than you’d like, your expenses are too high.

What would you like to see?  Be specific here, too.  Decrease debt by 30%, increase income by $XX, decrease expenses by $10%, increase savings by $XX per month.

See how having specific desires sets the stage to create goals?  Once you have created some goals on this aspect, go back and look at another.  Continue until you feel you have truly gained some insights into your honest and authentic desires.

Defining your dream life is first and foremost. When you know what you want you will always be able to base your decisions on how the outcome fits into your definition of a perfect life.  You can look at an important fork in the road and determine if it will bring you closer to your dream life, or will it be a detour that slows your progress or even side tracks you completely.

You may already be living some aspects of your dream life and not know it or acknowledge it because there is a lack of clarity. Think of it, you are probably already on your way, but the signs are hidden under a veil of confusion! Spend some time with this project and you will really discover more of what you want and how yo can focus on it to bring it into reality.

The beginning of a CBS television show we watched recently, really got me thinking.  The scene was not integral to the overall plot, but it set the stage.  I was struck because it was so typical.  Two boys of about 12 years of age were hanging out together at the end of a cul-de-sac.  The neighborhood was typical American suburbia, with the vestiges of holidays recently past still on many doors.

As one boy shot hoops, the other slowly made circles on his bike disgusted that this time of year was horrible.  He lamented that junk food was now banned in his house and the other joined in about how they were eating a lot more salads now, for the very same reason.  The first remarked how this sort of thing happened every year with their parent’s new year’s resolutions and all they had to do was wait a few weeks for things to return to normal.  Both laughed in agreement.

This time of year we hear a lot about New Year resolutions and turning over a new leaf.  I completely disagree with this philosophy of make big decisions because it’s a new year, simply because, as you probably already know, they don’t work.  As with the story of the boys, most resolutions are thought of briefly, tried for a few days and then dropped, only to be thought about again when the next New Year rolls around.

This year, I am proposing taking smaller, monthly steps.  In the beginning of each month of 2012, I will write about a specific facet of everyone’s life and assert my intended goals for that month.  As time goes on, I will build on the previous months’ changes and work on improvement in another area of day to day life.

Real change comes from taking steps to making progress.   Sometimes those steps are leaps, but mostly, they are small steps.  All the steps add up.  However, most people will keep going if the steps are manageable.

So, for January, I’ve decided that it all begins with me.  I am starting by laying the foundation of making changes within myself first and building upon this.  As I mentioned, I’m looking at small changes, but these are changes that have great impact. To begin, I have decided that I will meditate every day and increase my daily water intake to the recommended eight glasses.

You may have chuckled when you read these goals, but they are a strong foundation.  First, meditation is something that I hold very high on the list of having strong and positive impact on my life.  When I am diligent about my practice, I am calmer, more creative and feel less stress.  No down-side that that one!

Water is a life source.  It’s good for my body and mind.  Studies have shown that even a small percent of dehydration can cause fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing, along with daytime fatigue.  A well hydrated body keeps joints healthy and runs less risk of developing many cancers.  Once again, I see only benefits.

I invite you to join along this month and those that follow.  For January, select a couple of things that you would like to improve personally.  These are things that only hold meaning to you, but will impact all of your life.  What impacts us personally, will impact us professionally, spiritually, financially and in every other way we can think of.  We are complete packages, no one aspect of life is separate from the rest.  This is why I chose to start at the center, with me.

The beginning of each month, I shall select another facet of life to build upon these beginning January steps and when I look back at the end of December, I will see many ways that I have grown and improved.   What will you choose to improve in your life for today and your future?

Feeling the holiday crunch?  I think we all are.  It doesn’t seem to matter whether you get really involved in holiday celebrations or not, either.  Just making a trip to the grocery store takes more time because of the crowds.  Often, with so many people feeling harried and hurried, we can pick up on the energy and it creates the feeling of  agitation in us also.

How do we stop this type of insanity and stay on an even keel?  Here are few tips:

Don’t carry your “to do list” in your head.  When we have a lot of things on our mind and add in the things to do, we typically run the tape over and over of all that must be done.  This repetitious thinking will make it seem as if our we have a lot more to do than we really do.  Getting the items out of our head and onto paper relieves this and allows for an analytical process to begin.

After listing out all those things from your head, look over your items and mark each one with a “N” for Need to do and a “W” for Want to do.  Be honest here.  You’ll find that, as the proverb says, “your wants are many and your needs are few.”  Take care of those must do items and then you can decide which ‘wants’ you will focus on.

Schedule in down time.  Seriously.  A lot of stress comes from the constant motion of doing.  I know that you are thinking: “I don’t have time to stop and do nothing!”  TAKE the time.  Just sitting quietly for 5-minutes will do wonders to clear your mind and calm you.  This is not time to review your list or make a new one.  This is time to just be.  If you have trouble quieting your mind, then concentrate on gratitude.  Start thinking of a spiral.  Begin with the first thing that comes to mind that you can be grateful for as the center of this spiral.  With each progressive impression of gratitude, work along the coiled spiral in an upward and outward pattern.  You’ll find yourself relaxing into this process more and more as you spend time with it.

The real benefits from these two tips come afterward.  When you are relaxed, you are more energetic, creative, and productive.  All these lead to better decision making and eventually, more profit and joy in you business and your personal life.

The only person in your life who holds the keys to living a life that’s fulfilling and joyful is you.  If you stay running in the wheel and never get off to see where you are and what you have, things will always seem to be overwhelming.  Slow down and  you’ll find that you will go further and faster than you thought.  It’s kind of backwards sounding, but try it, you’ll see it works!

First, it really depends on a lot of various factors.  I always encourage someone interested in entrepreneurship to take some time to honestly analyze their reasons for wanting change and get really clear about what they want to receive and accomplish.  What’s this got to do with opening a business?  Everything.  Entrepreneurship is an entirely different way of working and requires a lot more skills and wherewithal to start and keep going.  If someone is looking to open their own business because they are bored with the job they presently hold, then this is pretty much a recipe for failure.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received, before starting up my business, was to spend some time working in that business.  If you want to open a store, work in a store.  If you want to open an online business, shadow someone who already does this.  Really learn what kind of life you will lead, what the pitfalls are and, of course, what are the true rewards.

Once you have decided that opening your own business is indeed the right thing for you to do then the next steps to determining whether this is the time to do it, is to look at what type of business you intend to start, what resources and backing you have to help you, and who your target market is.

What is the business you intend to create?  The answer to this question will make a big difference as to whether you are able to start right away or not.  The reason is tied closely into the second part of your needs and that is:  what resources to you have to put into this start-up?  Every business start-up costs something.  There are costs involved in forming your actual business entity and, if you are planning on opening a brick-and-mortar type business, or one that requires building or office space, then obviously the startup costs are greater.

Even a home-based internet business will require you to lay out some cash before you begin to make money, and so, it’s important to take into consideration how will be able to fund these initial costs.

The third major piece of the entrepreneurial pie that must be considered is: who will your customers be?  Your “target market” is the folks or businesses that you will focus your marketing energies on in order to turn them into paying customers.  Don’t take this step lightly.  No business can be all things to all people.  By selecting a specific demographic of people to whom you will market, you will be able to speak their language, know where to reach them and hone

your products or services to meet their needs.  This determination will make growing your business a lot easier.

What about the economy?  Does it make sense to start up in a recession?  While I cannot consult a crystal ball on this one, I can tell you that many very successful business have launched or expanded during recessions.  Some examples are Intuit, Whole Foods, Costco and Applebee’s.  Wal-Mart plans it’s expansions during economic downturns.  Why?  Because these are times of change and there are advantages during disruption.  Here are a few:

• Less competition.  It’s likely that other businesses have faced tough times and some may have closed their doors or tightened their belts.  This opens up markets for new business.
• Consumers seek less expensive alternatives.  During good times, consumers often stick with companies that they know and are comfortable with, but now, they look for alternatives to save on the products or services they need.
• Big companies cut back.  The services that customers have enjoyed receiving from the bigger companies are often slashed and this could be where your smaller company is more appealing, giving back the customers need for courteous attention.
• Innovation is needed.  Because the usual solutions customers look for are often no longer available, they’ll be in a receptive state of mind for something new and less expensive.  Now is the time to create a new mouse trap.

There are always risks involved in a business start-up during any time and it isn’t for the faint of heart.  Taking your talents and adding to them the necessary skills of business know how are the right tools to clear your path to a successful business, both now and in years to come.

First, for those who are unsure, an EIN is an Employer Identification Number or Federal Tax Number which may be obtained from the IRS.

This is an identifying number which is individual to your business.  Whether you need to obtain one depends on a few things, but probably the best way to answer this question is to refer people to the IRS website, which gives a simple test of six questions.

1. Do you have employees?
2. Do you operate your business as a corporation or partnership?
3. Do you file any of these tax returns:  Employment, Excise, or Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms?
4. Do you have a Keogh plan?
5. Are you involved with any of the following types of organizations?

• Trusts, except certain grantor-owned revocable trusts, IRAs, Exempt Organization Business Income Tax Returns
• Estates
• Real estate mortgage investment conduits
• Non-profit organizations
• Farmers’ cooperatives
• Plan administrators

There is no cost to obtain an EIN and it will be necessary to have one in order to open a business checking account.  You will also want to be sure to keep your expenses for your business separate from your personal expenditures.

I hope this helps to clarify another of the important pieces which are necessary to start your business and keep it growing.

Suppose you are traveling by car.  It’s late, you’ve been on the road for a long time and you drank too much coffee while waiting for the next exit, which didn’t come for another half hour.  As you walk inside the rest stop you spot a worker and ask one of the following questions:

1. Hey, does this place even bother to put restrooms in here?
2. Um, restroom?
3. Do you know where the restroom is?
4. Excuse me, where is the nearest restroom?

What do you think could be the outcome from each of these questions?  While all four questions might provide the desired information, one question is clearly better than the others.  One question will obtain the information without opportunity for smart-alec responses or confusion.

Do you sometimes find that you are feeling frustrated and not getting answers that make sense or are of real use to you? The key in better communication or exchange of information, is that you will get better information if you ask a better question.  Like begets like.  So if you are asking questions like the first three above, you will probably get poor answers to match your question.

How can communication be improved through better questions?  The first key is to think about whether a closed, or open ended question is best.  Are you looking for a question  that will open the doors for more conversation, or trying to extract specific information.  For instance, if you ask someone “did you enjoy the movie last night?”  this would likely extract a one word answer.  Whereas if the question were: “what did you enjoy about the movie last night?”  the response would need to be longer and begin a more rounded conversation.

Communication is a two way street, it involves both giving and receiving information. In business, it is important to ask questions that will provide the needed information for you to perform better customer service.  However,  it is also important to understand what you must give back during the exchange, also.  This is where good listening  skills must be applied.  By truly listening to the needs of your client or customer, you are able to develop a response that will address their concerns and let them know that you are hearing what they are saying and will work to improve or correct what is needed.

Start asking powerful questions and mindfully listening to your customers responses.  You’ll find your business growing and word of mouth spreading about your great customer service!

Sometimes, when we are not sure of what we want, we start living life in whatever fashion it comes to us – usually it’s formed by others around you.  This can cause feelings of loss of self and that you are not living a life that you own.  If you are going through the motions and working or doing things because you believe you “should,” or in order to please someone else, you are in fact, not living a life that is your own.  Although the appearances of success may be there – a good income, a beautiful house, a nice car – the success probably feels empty.  This is because it is not your success, as you would define it, for your life.

How do you get onto the road of really living a successful and fulfilling life?  As a coach, I often work with clients who have a dream and are ready to work to achieve it.  What I soon discover, however, is that this dream is a very watery, filmy ideal and not a crystal clear vision.  Because it is nearly impossible to achieve your goals when they are not comprehensible, the first step we take together is to clarify their vision and truly make it their own.

In order to gain a clear vision of what you want in your life, and define your personal version of success, I suggest the following steps:

1. Start by allowing yourself to daydream.  Yes, take some time alone and give yourself permission to conjure up anything you would like to have for your life.  Paint this mental picture with as many details as you can and involve all your senses.  What would your ideal life feel like?  Where would you be? What scents would come to your nose?  How does it look?  What do you hear?  Where are your hands, and what are they touching?  Who is with you?  Go wild with this! If you want to be wearing a pink boa and riding in a red Ferrari with the top down – go for it! Create your vision for all the different aspects of your life:  Finances, Career, Family, Friends, Learning, Fun and Entertainment, Spirituality and your Contributions.  Life is not segmented in any way, everything you do affects all parts of your life, so your vision must be well rounded and complete.
2. Now that you’ve given yourself this gift and have a picture of what you want, be sure to capture it in a journal, painting, vision board, or recording.  As you are depicting your ideals, you are strengthening your vision.  Does everything still feel good to you?  If you find that the pink boa is starting to tickle your nose, feel free to change it to a yellow silk scarf.  The point is that this is your dream and vision of your life.  No one else’s.
3. Next, think about what one thing can you do immediately to start yourself moving in the direction of achieving and living your successful life?  Taking the largest amount of action you possibly can will reinforce your goals.  Your psyche and your soul will see that you are serious about living life on your terms, once you take action.

Success is a journey, not a destination, but knowing exactly what you want, and starting to take steps to get there, will provide you with a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.  This is the beginning of greater things in your life.  Once you have tasted success, you will only want more and now you know what direction to head, it can only mean one thing; life is coming to you on your terms!

Do you value yourself as much as you should? If you do, how does it show in your life? And if you don’t, what is missing in your life because of this?

Many clients, looking to change careers and start new businesses, are concerned with how much time the preparation and work will actually consume. After delving a little deeper, it clear that my client is putting everyone else first and pushing his or her desires down to the bottom of the list, thus not putting full value upon themselves. As the “but, I’m a mom/dad,” cry emanates, the need look at what’s unfolding here is apparent.

Life is busy these days and you may be running from soccer to caring for an elderly parent and running a household. These are the realistic facts in today’s life, but take a lesson from the oft heard spiel on an airplane. It’s explained that if the oxygen masks drop down, to “put the mask over your own face first and then help the person next to you.” Why? Well, if you are passing out from lack of oxygen, you won’t be able to help anyone else. Without understanding the full value of who you are, and not taking care of yourself first, you won’t be able to help, organize and care for anyone else.

In relating this to your career or business, look at the big picture. If you work within an office, the person who empties the garbage is just as important as the person who founded the company. Without someone cleaning up the workspace, it would become an unsanitary, unworkable place. Without the idea and backing of the founder of the company, there would be no place to work. One does not function without the other and you fit into the mix too. Learn where you fit in. Then think if there is a way to make your part more valuable to your employer or offer that value when looking at a new job.

Understanding your personal value is important during an interview process too. During an interview, you are showing the potential employer what the value is of your experience and how it relates to the position. They, in turn, will look at this to determine what price, or salary, they will pay for your work. If you do not appreciate your own significance, how will the employer regard you?

Take time to appreciate your own self worth and this rise in your self esteem will be met by the rest of the world.

YOU are special. Somewhere, deep inside, you know this to be true.  However, along your life travels, you started to question this, on the outside.  The wonder with which you came to this earth cannot be lost from you, it can only be buried.  The time has come for you to excavate your gifts, expose, and make use of them.

Does this scare you? If it does, then you are like most people, and that’s okay.  Trying something new, especially when it relates to your deep inner self, is often a big cause of fear.  But what is fear, anyway?  Fear is our personal reaction to the unknown.  It’s the response we choose when we are unsure of what will happen, or when we resist change.  If you have buried your greatest gifts deeply, then it will be a great change indeed to start to bring them out and use them.

How can you get past the fear and trust that all will fit once you recognize your talents?  Start with small steps and build upon your success. Think back through your life and remember a time when things went right for you.  Come on, I know you have some examples of this.  You know which times I mean, like the time you found the perfect gift for a dear friend and they loved it.  Perhaps it was the time you needed to give a presentation at work and the power went out.  You stepped up to the plate and were able to knock ‘em dead without that PowerPoint show.   Think of anything and everything that has gone right.

After you have collected a few examples in your mind, spend a little time reliving them.  Really pay attention to the details of the event and give yourself a pat on the back.  Feel how good it was.  Pay attention to your actions and let them become part of your conscious being.  OWN your successes. Own them to the point that nothing can ever take it away.  How do you feel right now?  Are you feeling strong and confident? Or does this exercise make you feel like you are on shaky ground?

Depending on how far you have buried your personal gifts, you may need to repeat this exercise a number of times to rebuild the paths back to your greatness.  You will find yourself starting to shift and a little voice speak up inside of you, acknowledging daily victories.  Listen to this voice and smile, you know its right.

Step by step, with your attention to your achievements, you will connect more deeply to your gifts, talents and genius.  Your connection will turn to belief and your belief into comfort.  When you become comfortable, you will want to show and use these wonders more frequently.  At this point, you will be living the life you were meant to be.  Those special gifts that were bestowed upon your being are your birthright and the basis of your life’s purpose.

Allow yourself to shine!

Ahh, the new year has begun! It’s always special for me because I start each year with a birthday.  The double whammy of reasons to reflect on where I am and where I want my life to go,  struck me pretty strongly this year.  I decided that my resolutions would not involve specific goals – I save those for my strategic plans.  However, I do want to set intentions for how I’d like to see things in my life change and grow.

Setting an intention is very much the same as a resolution. Both infer making  determined effort to act in a certain way. Usually people define their resolution in broad terms and find that by the next week, all is forgotten.  I mean , can you honestly tell me what your resolution was for last year? If you can, you are among the very few.  Typical resolutions are about losing weight, reducing debt, or quitting smoking.  Because these are long term goals, which require a plan of action and great fortitude, simply stating them as a resolve is practically  guaranteed to sputter and wane.

This year I thought about what  I truly and deeply want in my life.   I drilled down each idea by playing the part of a 5 year old with an impetuous question of:  “Why?”   Some of my thought processes went like this: 

I would like to work with X number of new clients each month.

“Why?” This would allow me to help more people adapt to change in their lives and find meaning the meaning they truly desire.

Joy

“Why?”  Because this is a fulfillment of my dreams for my work, gives me great satisfaction and will provide the income I want.

“Why?” To live my life the way I choose.

“Why?” Because it will make me happy and bring joy to my life.

That’s it!  That is the key to all I do and all I desire! My life is formed, worked and built around bringing more joy in.   Profound stuff here.  So, with this new insight into my personal patterns, I set my intention for this coming year.  My intent is to do whatever it is that brings more joy into my life.

I’ve got a New Year Intention that will be easy to start and keep.  How could I possibly forget that I want more joy?  Now, when I sit down and plan my work strategic plan, all I have to do is ask myself is how each action will work to bring more joy into my life. Doing this will naturally spill out into all other facets of my life.  Think of this, if I spend too much time and energy working, it will prevent me from having joy with my health and relationships.  Thus, the efforts put into my coaching must be tempered with time for me and my family.

This realization in itself, has already brought more joy into my life and removed a lot of pressure from me.  Last year, I seemed to expend so much effort in struggle. Now, I will never have to live like that again.  Joy is the name of the game!

As I continue through this year, completing my strategies and implementing work, I shall endear to keep joy in the forefront and, in turn, bring this practice to my clients too.

I suggest to you to think about where can you add more joy to your life!