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Why Can't Penguins Fly?

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Fri, 24 May 2013 04:12:00 +0000

"Shit."

For some reason its a random fact that everyone knows: penguins are flightless birds. But why!? Why must the penguins be doomed to a hopeless life of sliding pointlessly around on the ice and snapping at other penguins when they bump into them?

Turns out penguins don't fly becuase they don't need to. Plus, if they did, they probably would't be so great at swimming, which is the thing they need to do to, you know, survive and stuff.

A team looked at the guillemot, a relative of the penguin that can both swim and fly, in order to figure out why penguins can't achieve liftoff. For guillemots, the researchers found, "the energy costs (of flying) are very, very high. Diving, however, is fairly easy for the birds.

That seems to support the "biomechanical hypothesis" (big words!) as to why penguins can't fly. The theory suggests that flying and diving are so different that "you cannot build a wing that is good at doing both," says a professor.
For evolving penguins, "as the wings became more and more efficient for them to dive, they became less and less efficient for them to fly," he notes. "At some point it became so 'expensive' for them to fly that it was better to give up flying altogether and make the wings into small flippers."

So there you have it. Penguins fly because if they did they couldn't get food and would all die. Just like we all will in the end.
Have a nice day.

Boy Scouts Decide to Allow Gay Scouts, Not Leaders

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Fri, 24 May 2013 03:30:00 +0000

because, hey, you have to discriminate against somebody.

If you can't sense the sarcasm you may be an idiot.

Proving that it's okay to accept everyone as long as you still discriminate some people on the side, the Boy Scouts of America decided today that they will accept openly gay scouts, but not scout leaders, into their organization.

The Scouts' National Council made the risky and controversial decision of doing what a majority of Americans wanted them to do during a vote today. Strangely, only 61% of the 1,400 some who voted thought it was okay to treat everyone equally.

While kids are now considered equal by the organization, gay adults still are not welcome because everyone knows that all gay men are pedophiles who will do unspeakable things to children.

Another weird move: the decision doesn't take effect until January 1, because apparently it takes seven months to prepare everyone for how equal everything is going to be (but not really that equal).

Among those voting for not leaving kids out was Thomas Roberts of Dawsonville, Georgia, who serves on the board of a Scout council in northeast Georgia. "It was a very hard decision for this organization," he said. "I think ultimately it will be viewed as the right thing."

I'm tempted to make a gay joke about their uniform. Eh... better not.

Even though he voted for not being a group of bigots, there are several things wrong with what he said. It should not have been a hard decision at all. People are supposed to be treated equally according to several small documents such as the constitution and things like the Bible. As The Onion put it: “Yeah, of course gay men and women can get married. Who gives a shit?...Why are we even seriously discussing this?” (Yes, I know this isn't about gay marriage, but it's a great quote.) There really shouldn't even be a debate about this at all.

Second, there is no need to say that it will be right ultimately. It is viewed as right right now. The very fact that it passed shows that. It's not like 61% of the people said "God, these queers are so immoral and evil and I wish they'd all burn in hell" and then voted to allow them in. 61% of the voters think it's right, and at least 50% of all Americans think it's right, so there is no need to think that it will eventually be thought of as right. Most people, right now, think it's right, and it is.

Another less discussed point that came up during this meeting of bigotry was that the ban on atheists was not lifted. Again, yay for equality. Maybe they should listen to the freaking Pope, who recently said that atheists can be just as moral as any Catholic.

In summary: the Boy Scouts are now less stupid and unequal than they used to be, but they still have a ways to go before they can be considered fair or good at all in my book.

I hope this rant didn't offend any present, past or future scouts. The group does all sorts of great things, but, much like the Catholic church, they also have lots of crappy policies that make me dislike them.

Tesla Pays Off Government's Loan Nine Years Early

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Fri, 24 May 2013 02:03:00 +0000

Even after being called a "loser" by Mitt Romney, Tesla is now the only American car company to have fully repaid the government for its loans.

The company's 2010 loan from the Department of Energy was $465 million, and they made their huge $451.8 million final payment on Wednesday.

CEO Elon Musk thanked the government and "particularly the American taxpayer from whom these funds originate ... I hope we did you proud."

Tesla's Model S. My dream car.

The loan was used to develop the company's Model S electric car, which is one of the best cars ever in my humble, non-gear head opinion. Consumer Reports actually gave the car the highest grade for anything ever.

Officials call the repayment "the latest indication that the Energy Department's portfolio of more than 30 loans is delivering big results for the American economy while costing far less than anticipated."

Things have been going rather great for Tesla lately. After unveiling their amazing Model S which you should buy for me right now earlier this year, they turned their first quarterly profit a couple of weeks ago.

Meanwhile, its share price has climbed from $25.52 to $87.24 over the course of a year, Businessweek points out.

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Fri, 24 May 2013 01:36:00 +0000

Late Night Jokes: IRS Scandel, Weiner, and OJ Simpson

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Fri, 24 May 2013 01:16:00 +0000

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

White House officials insist that President Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. And besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi.
Anthony Weiner has formally announced he is running for mayor of New York City. He posted a video announcing it just after midnight — and being online in the middle of the night has always worked so well for Mr. Weiner.
O.J. Simpson is waiting to see if a judge will grant him a retrial. Have you seen how fat O.J. has gotten? He’s so fat, he’s changed his name from O.J. to "Au Jus."
O.J. is so fat, he wants the judge to throw the cookbook at him.

Conan

Last night at midnight, former Congressman Anthony Weiner officially announced in an online video that he is running for mayor of New York. Nothing says "I put my sleazy past behind me" like showing a video on the Internet at midnight.
During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener.
Brad Pitt said in an interview that he has very few friends. In other words, just one more thing that Brad Pitt and I have in common.
In New Jersey a woman found her lost dog by luring the dog back with bacon. She also found the governor of New Jersey.

Late Show with David Letterman

"Hangover 3" opens this weekend. It's based on the famous novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
For Memorial Day I'm going to the beach. Nothing gives you more comfort than your lifeguard sitting in the chair texting.
Everything's going bad for President Obama with Benghazi and other controversies. But Obama's trying to turn things around. He's sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber's monkey.
And if SEAL Team 6 doesn't work, he's sending in Dennis Rodman.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

On this day in 1859, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was born in Edinburgh, Scotland. He's the creator of Sherlock Holmes. Arthur Conan Doyle was a man of many talents. He was a writer and a doctor. If he were around today, he would be a frequent guest on "Oprah."
In the novels, Sherlock Holmes was a cocaine addict. But he still solved crimes. I would argue that cocaine does not give you crime-solving abilities. The only thing I ever tried to solve while I was on cocaine was how to get more cocaine.
Some people think Sherlock Holmes was a real person. These people are called "stupid."
I thought Holmes' address in London was real. He famously lived and worked at 221B Baker Street. When I was in London, I tried to find it. There's no 221B. It's just a bank. I walked up and down the street for an hour, being judged by snooty English bankers.

The Colbert Report

It seems like lately, President Obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of scandal. Which reminds me, what's he doing with all of these dead cats?

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

We had an election in Los Angeles yesterday. Three measures involved medical marijuana. The one that passed was a proposition that limits the number of marijuana dispensaries in the city. The rule now is there cannot be more marijuana stores than cupcake shops — because they feed on each other.
The proposition will limit the number of dispensaries in L.A. to 135. Unfortunately, right now there are about 800 pot shops, so the employees of 665 of them will be out of work. And on top of that, their resumes will say they used to work at a pot store. So I wish them luck.
A new study estimates that Colorado residents will legally smoke more than 2 million ounces of marijuana next year. That's like a reggae festival and Willie Nelson's birthday combined.
In November, Colorado passed an amendment that legalized the recreational use of marijuana. It's resulted in a surge of "pot tourism." People come for the weekend to smoke pot and the next thing they know, it's 30 years later they're still there working in a carbon-neutral coffee shop.

Comedian Argus Hamilton

President Obama's job approval ratings held steady Monday in CNN's latest poll. The numbers split exactly along party lines. Fifty-three percent of Americans approve of the job Obama is doing as president while the other forty-seven percent are being audited.
The Powerball Lottery winning numbers came up Saturday allowing someone to win six hundred million. That's amazing. The Guinness Book of Records says it's the biggest jackpot ever won without Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan or Mel Gibson committing adultery.
O.J. Simpson revealed Monday his Nevada cellmate is a white supremacist leader who became his pal. This turns the tables. Now that O.J. Simpson is the first black man to play softball in the Aryan Nations Prison League, it puts him up there with Jackie Robinson.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Vice President Joe Biden met with two undocumented immigrants this week to promote the new immigration bill. When they learned they had to sit down with Biden, they went ahead and deported themselves.
CBS has become the best-rated network among the 18-49 age group for the first time in 21 years. NBC is still No. 1 among pets whose owners left the TV on to keep them company.
Target is now selling a line of affordable wedding dresses. They say it's perfect for any woman who’s always dreamed of wearing a dress from the same place she buys chips and soap.
New York City is getting a new professional soccer team that will be partially owned by the Yankees. You can tell it's owned by the Yankees because A-Rod won't be playing for that team either.

Lebron James Buzzer Beater in OT Against Pacers

noreply@blogger.com (Wyatt Smith) — Thu, 23 May 2013 14:18:00 +0000

This was a crazy ending to the best game of the playoffs so far this year. Paul George hit a deep three pointer at the end of regulation to force the game into overtime, but it was James that once again stole the show.

Watch This: Does Driving in Video Games Help You Drive In Real Life?

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Thu, 23 May 2013 04:16:00 +0000

The premise of this video gets so confusing that I'm just going to let you watch it.
Okay, I'll try: basically, a series of hilarious situations lead to people throwing up and struggling to drive in a video game while being driven around at like 100 miles, all in a quest to see if knowing how to drive in a video game lets you drive in real life.

Okay, that was a bad description. Just watch the video. It's great.
By the way, the people who make this also make Red vs. Blue, which is returning on June 14. Check out the trailer here.

The Actors in Arrested Development Season 4 Get Paid Very Sporadically

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Thu, 23 May 2013 04:04:00 +0000

Arrested Development is returning to the world this Sunday, and that is amazing news and incredible in every way shape and form. All hail the mighty Netflix.

Now, because we care for some reason, we're getting info on the really sporadic system by which the actors in season 4 are getting paid.

First, a little background on the structure of season 4: each episode will focus mainly on one character. Many of the episodes actually take place at the same time, so you will see a couple of scenes a couple of times, each in a different episode, but from a different character's point of view.

So here's the payment system:

The actor “starring” in the episode is paid $125,000. If he or she appears in more than 90 seconds of an episode (but is not the star), that actor receives $50,000. For less than 90 seconds of airtime in an episode, he or she receives $10,000. Finally, if a clip featuring the actor from a previous episode is used, that actor gets another $1,000.

So yeah, it's a pretty simple, flat rate plan.

But I don't care, there's going to be more Arrested Development! Now leave me alone so I can watch it.

Microsoft Bashes Apple and Siri Hard in Their New Windows 8 Commercial

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Thu, 23 May 2013 03:41:00 +0000

Microsoft is putting its $1 billion budget for Windows 8 ads to good use with its newest ad bashing Siri and the iPad. I won't go into a lengthy explanation on what's in the commercial, because you can watch it below in 30 seconds, but basically Microsoft shows of Windows 8's best features against the iPad's worse, using Siri as a narrator sheepishly admitting she can't do everything.
Windows 8 is really the first real competitor the iPad is getting when it comes to full size tablets (I'd say the Kindle is their biggest competitor on the smaller size) and it's awesome to see the old Apple v. Microsoft war brewing again. This time, however, it is Apple which has the marketshare and Microsoft who needs to convince people to switch.

Late Night Jokes: Michelle Obama to Join Fox News, Weekend Update and Amy Poehler

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Thu, 23 May 2013 00:26:00 +0000

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Michelle Obama gave a commencement at a high school in Nashville. The first lady said about her husband, "I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures." And today she was offered her own show on Fox News.
President Obama gave the commencement address at Morehouse College over the weekend. Great speech, very inspiring. He told the young graduates their future is bright — unless, of course, they want jobs.
The White House admitted President Obama's chief of staff had advance warning that the IRS was targeting conservative groups. President Obama says the first time he heard about the IRS and AP scandals was from the media. See, that’s why President Obama holds press conferences. It’s not to explain what’s going on. It’s to find out what’s going on.
Singer Mary J. Blige has been slapped with a $3.4 million bill from the IRS. I didn’t even know she was a tea party member.

Weekend Update with Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler

IRS: No one needs to avoid scandals more than you. You’re less popular with Americans than exercise.
I mean really, the government only keeps you around to make the DMV look good.
Really, Tea Party? Really? You’re surprised that you’re targeted by the IRS? You named yourself after a group of people who proudly and historically violated tax laws! Look, if I had a vanity license plate that said 'Weed 420,' I might expect to get pulled over now and then.
And really, politics aside, should we be surprised that the IRS takes special attention to the tax forms of the Tea Party? Judging from the terrible spelling on their protest signs, attention to detail isn’t really their thing
President Obama this week denied that he knew about the inspector general's report detailing the IRS's increased scrutiny of conservative groups. So nothing to worry about, America, there's just a bunch of stuff happening that the president doesn't know about.
The President also condemned the IRS for targeting conservative groups for extra scrutiny saying, 'Public service is a solemn privilege.' In response, Joe Biden quietly deflated his whoopee cushion.
Minnesota this week became the 12th state in the country to legalize gay marriage. So finally Minneapolis can stop pretending St. Paul is just its 'twin.'
Prince Harry this week toured the Jersey Shore with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It was the first meeting between the Prince, of the House of Windsor, and the Governor, of the House of Pancake.'

Conan

A lot of people are criticizing President Obama, including Michelle Obama. She recently said she could take a whole afternoon and talk about Barack's failures. She was immediately hired by Fox News.
According to a new survey, white Americans are more likely to see President Obama as angry than black Americans. After hearing about it, Obama got really angry — according to white Americans.
A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, "We has your son."
A man gave a waitress a $1,000 tip so she could take a trip to Italy. Isn't that nice? It was an Olive Garden waitress who dreamed of one day trying Italian food.

Real Time with Bill Maher

If you think Benghazi is worse than slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment, Tuskegee, purposefully injecting Guatemalan mental patients with syphilis, lying about WMDs, and the fact that banks today are still foreclosing on mortgages they don't own, then your hard-on for Obama has lasted more than four hours, and you need to call a doctor.
The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, 'I feel like I'm on Oxycontin again.'
Most of the media resisted picking up the Fox News talking points about Benghazi because they were made up, but now that's there's three bullsh*t scandals that we're in, we are so there. They are so obsessed with this, Amanda Knox could fall down a well and get eaten by a shark, they wouldn't report it this week.
Doesn't it matter that these are all bullshit? The Benghazi scandal continues to fall apart. We found out today that Republicans who leaked the emails last week changed the wording. No it doesn't matter because they're in their bubble. That's where they live. I thought after the election that the bubble would become more permeable. No, it's like Chris Christie. Without corrective surgery, it just gets thicker.
Today, the oversight committee demanded to know why, on the night of the attack in Benghazi, they did not deploy Iron Man.
Conservative groups told congressmen that they experienced long delays and were asked to answer unusually detailed questions. They said they felt like black people trying to vote in Florida.
New Rule: Stop believing Chris Christie when he says he got lap band surgery for his family. He did it because he wants to be president in 2016, and being that obese is kind of a scandal in itself. He did it because there are skeletons in his closet. Of cows.

Late Show with David Letterman

There's a new HBO movie this weekend — the Liberace story, "Behind the Candelabra." Liberace claimed that he was not gay. Well, that's good enough for me.
I've seen a little of the film. Meryl Streep is fantastic as Liberace.
We're learning more and more about Liberace. He was addicted to plastic surgery. He had a collection of wigs. And he would change clothing about 10 times a day. Wow, it's like I have a twin!
I feel bad for Barack Obama. He's got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the FBI wiretapping phones. The president is in so much trouble politically, he's thinking about killing bin Laden again.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced he will star in a low-budget horror movie called "The Toxic Avenger." He wreaks havoc. He's a monster. I have no idea what he'll do in the movie.
A museum in Sweden claims to have the world's biggest collection of ABBA memorabilia. They clearly haven't seen my bedroom.
ABBA sold 370 million records, and two of those sales were to people who weren't white.
ABBA sold 18 million albums just in Australia when the entire population of Australia at the time was 15 million people. How could that happen? There's only one explanation: Kangaroos were buying the album.

Comedian Argus Hamilton

Cannes Film Festival got off to a rollicking start in France Saturday when red carpet interviews were interrupted by gunfire from a man in the crowd with a starter pistol. It was chaos. Order was restored when France surrendered to the guy with the starter pistol.
A Department of Education survey said Thursday more and more schools are cutting gym classes. It's to meet the new math and sciences class requirements. From now on, whenever America's kids get fat and fall down, at least they will know the science behind it.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

A 19-year-old student in Lawrenceville, Georgia, was failing English and he didn't want to tell his parents about it. So he faked his own kidnapping. He texted his parents and said he's been abducted. It sounds like a terrible Liam Neeson movie.
The student camped out for a week and then came home when it rained. I guess he failed his "Fake your own kidnapping 101 class" too.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

These scandals at the White House are just getting worse. It turns out that President Obama’s chief of staff knew about the scandal at the IRS three weeks before the president found out. Obama was like, "Anything else you guys aren't telling me?" And Joe Biden was like, "Uh . . . I broke the copier."
President Obama’s team knew about the IRS scandal but kept him in the dark about it. Or as Obama put it, "Guys, when I said 'no spoilers,' I was just talking about 'Game of Thrones.'"
Four women have qualified to race in this Sunday’s Indy 500. Yeah, four women going around and around in circles — or as that’s normally called, "The View."

Call of Duty Ghosts: World Premiere Trailer

noreply@blogger.com (Wyatt Smith) — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:48:00 +0000

Learn Useless Talents: Fold a $5 Bill into Lincoln with a Hat

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Wed, 22 May 2013 05:52:00 +0000

The Xbox One: Everything You Need to Know

noreply@blogger.com (Logan Drake) — Wed, 22 May 2013 03:39:00 +0000

Microsoft unveiled their brand new Xbox today, the Xbox One. Yes, it is the third Xbox (or fourth if you count the 360 S), but they're going with One. Whatever. While today's announcements were fairly vague, we got a look at the device, the new controller, and the new Kinect.

Hardware

First we'll take a look at all the new hardware which was shown off today. To see photos of all the new stuff check out the gallery below this text.

We don't have any pricing info or a firm release date. All we got was "this year" and I'm guessing its going to be around Black Friday. If they miss Black Friday, they screwed up bad.

The Xbox One

Unlike with Sony's PS4 announcement, we actually got to see what the Xbox One looks like.

It looks pretty good actually, but it keeps reminding me of an old VHS player. Maybe that's not a bad thing, but the resemblance is strong.

The disk drive has been upgraded to Blu-ray, which is awesome. Unlike previous Xboxes, the One will only work laying flat.

On the inside, the console is powered by a custom 40-nanometer processor built by Microsoft and AMD, and an 8-core CPU and GPU. It also features 8GB of RAM, a 500GB hard drive, USB 3.0, and built in Wifi.

The Xbox will only work with HDTVs, as it only uses HDMI out, no component out.

New Controller

The new Xbox One controller features more than 40 "technical and design innovations." The biggest change, aside from "new ergonomics," is a set of triggers that will provide vibration feedback. More vibration is always great.

The new controller also features an updated directional pad, new thumbsticks, and an integrated battery compartment. It’s designed to work closely with the new Kinect for player syncing and extra control options.

Live TV

The back of the Xbox One not only has an HDMI Out, but a HDMI In as well. This plug is used to plug in your cable box, allowing the Xbox to control your cable box.

New Kinect
The redesigned and more powerful Kinect will be included with every Xbox One.
This time, Microsoft is pushing the Kinect's voice commands over it's gesture interface.

The camera is now a 1080p wide-angle camera which is so powerful it can detect your heartbeat just by looking at you. The use of gestures to navigate menus is also improved, which is great because currently it sucks.

The microphone has also been improved, and, according to Microsoft, works much better, even in loud environments.
The microphone now works with even more commands, and worked amazingly well on stage. Watch the video above to see some of the commands in action.

Even when the Xbox is off, you will be able to turn it on using voice commands. Walking into the room and saying "Xbox on" will make everything turn on for you. This is most assuredly the future friends.

If you connect your cable box to the One, which I talk more about below, you can even use the Kinect to switch to live TV. Saying "Xbox, watch TV" or "Xbox, go to TV" switches over your TV to live television. You can also switch channels using voice commands, saying things like "Xbox, watch ESPN" takes you to ESPN.

For some more technical details on the new Kinect check out The Verge.

This lets you use voice commands to switch channels and switch between live TV and gaming and Internet services like Netflix, Hulu, and HBO GO.

You also get the option to overlay Microsoft's guide over the one provided by your cable company. I haven't used Microsoft's guide, but whatever it is, I'm sure it is better than DirecTV's crap.

Software, TV and Games

Halo TV Series
Xbox announced in very vague, loose terms that they would be producing an original TV series based on the Halo game series. Other than the fact that Steven Spielberg will be executive producing the series, we literally know nothing else about it.

No support for 360 games
Much to the angst of everyone who has at least one Xbox 360 games, the One will not have any backwards compatibility with the 360. Surprisingly, it seems unlikely that games purchased on the Xbox Live Arcade will work either.

Games
Microsoft announced they will have 15 exclusive titles within the first year of the One's life, eight of which will be new franchises. EA announced new Madden, FIFA, NBA, and UFC games. Microsoft announced Forza 5, and Activision announced the next Call of Duty (Ghosts) would also be coming to the One. You can see a trailer for a weird, live action/video game thing called Quantum Break on Polygon here. Again, we don't have much info on what it is.
Every Xbox game will be installed from the disk to the Xbox Hard Drive. If you try to use that disk on another Xbox, you will have to pay a fee of some sort. There was no mention if it will be a $.99 fee or the full $60 price of the game.
Basically, if you buy a used Xbox One game, you'll need to pay some sort of additional fee to Microsoft.

Also, Xbox Live Gold will still cost about $5 a month, and you'll still need it to access pretty much anything online, such as Netflix, online gaming, Hulu, or ANYTHING online. This is annoying and should be fixed.

Analysis
Just reading over this summary should show you that Microsoft is really focusing on general entertainment over just gaming. This will probably be annoying to serious gamers, Justin over at Polygon seemed a little annoyed, but it is probably the right direction to go. My dad would never buy a gaming console, but he is certainly considering getting an Xbox One because of all the awesome voice command features and the live TV integration.
however, we still need to wait for word on official pricing, and until that point, I am not committing to purchasing one. (My guess is it's gonna be $500)

The Official Unveil Video

Late Night Jokes: Obama Handles Scandals

noreply@blogger.com (Logan Drake) — Tue, 21 May 2013 23:47:00 +0000

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

These White House scandals are not going away any time soon. I’ll tell you how bad it’s looking for President Obama: People in Kenya are now saying he’s 100 percent American.
Yesterday, the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, charged that there’s a culture of intimidation throughout the Obama administration. Really, anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can’t even keep Joe Biden in line.
So they spent the last five years claiming President Obama was weak and ineffective. Suddenly he’s Tony Soprano.
After being booed at the Billboard Music Awards last night, Justin Bieber said, ''I'm 19 years old. I think I'm doing a pretty good job." Hey Justin. I'm 63. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. Welcome to show business, pal.

Conan

President Obama is in a lot of hot water lately. Despite the scandals, 53 percent of Americans say they approve of the job he's doing. The other 47 percent are being audited.
A new report just came out. It says someone close to the president knew about the IRS scandal and kept his mouth shut. In other words, we can rule out Joe Biden.
It's been reported that Californians donated almost $600,000 to Chris Christie's re-election campaign. And by Californians, I mean my monologue writers. They want that guy to stick around.
Lamborghini is celebrating its 50th anniversary. Lamborghini is so freaked out by turning 50, it just bought itself a Lamborghini.

Late Show with David Letterman

Anybody win the Powerball thing over the weekend? $590 million, one winner. That's the biggest single jackpot since — well, since Tiger Woods' divorce.
President Obama's had a rough couple of weeks with the big Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the phone tapping scandal. And now he has to replace all four "American Idol" judges.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

We're almost done with May sweeps. Sweeps — that's when TV networks pull out all the stops to get ratings. In fact, on "Glee," one of the actors is going to come out — as straight!
Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like "Who shot J.R.?" I like to think I do this every night — the question is, "Is this show still on?"
I prefer to judge the performance of this show on its "artistic impact." By that I mean the number of complaints we receive. We're up 30 percent year to year in key demos.
I don't think you want to win ratings in late night. Look what happened on NBC. Who has been No. 1 over there for 20 years? Jay Leno. And what happened? He was fired. Twice! It's like "Well done, Jay. That was great. You're fired."

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Yesterday I was presented with an honorary doctorate at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. I will be writing medical marijuana prescriptions in the alley after the show.
I'm a doctor of humane letters and I don't know what that means. I didn't have to do anything to get it. I didn't have to read or write a thesis. I made a mockery of higher education this weekend and now I can invite strangers into my office and ask them to take their clothes off without getting arrested.
Justin Bieber received multiple honors at the Billboard Music Awards. He won for best male artist. I can count three lies in the title of that award.
Justin Bieber actually said he's an artist — in the same way the guy that makes my turkey sandwich at subway is an artist.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

It turns out the winning ticket for Saturday’s huge $590 million Powerball drawing was apparently sold in a town called Zephyrhills, Florida. In a related story, Florida residents are getting an unusual volume of calls from their grandkids today.
During a fundraiser yesterday, President Obama said there is a shortage of common sense right now in Washington. At which point the people who paid $5,000 a plate for their dinner applauded in agreement.
There are reports that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un may have another child with a woman who is not his wife. People say the baby looks just like him — though in fairness, pretty much ALL babies look just like him.
The Navy announced that its specially trained dolphins found a rare torpedo off the coast of California. You can tell those dolphins are smart because they just turned the torpedo back at us and said, “How about YOU doing some tricks at Sea World?”

Comedian Argus Hamilton

British Airways began allowing coach passengers to participate in an online auction for upgrades to first class. Everybody loves an upgrade. For four years Republicans compared Barack Obama to Jimmy Carter and last week he got upgraded to Richard Nixon.
The Powerball Lottery neared five hundred million dollars Saturday as tension grew before the drawing. These jackpots produce heartwarming stories. The last big winner gave his homeless brother a brand-new home, it was the box from his new seventy-inch TV.
Al-Qaeda hailed Djhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev Friday for bombing Boston. They said Tamerlan is in paradise with seventy-two virgins. Djhokhar could have been with six hundred virgins Friday but they wouldn't let him out to go see the new Star Trek movie.

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Tue, 21 May 2013 05:26:00 +0000

What Could Have Been: A Look at the Original Concepts of Many Shows and Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Tue, 21 May 2013 05:20:00 +0000

Source: http://mentalflossr.tumblr.com/post/7653257850/hermiones-name-was-almost-hermione-puckle

Source:http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/what_could_have_been_jon_lovitz_dana_carvey_were_once_considered_for_bad_bo

Source: Source: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/Breaking-bad-bryan-cranston-walter-white-amc-349840

Source: http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_the_Hedgehog_%28character%29/Artwork_Gallery

Source: http://splitsider.com/2011/04/the-lost-roles-of-seinfeld/

Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099487/trivia

Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_%26_Ted%27s_Excellent_Adventure#Differences_from_original_script

Source: http://www.80sactual.com/2010/09/simpsons.html

Source: http://www.theboredninja.com/fun_facts/homer-simpsons-almost-secret-identity/

Source: http://www.pixartalk.com/feature-films/monsters-inc/monsters-inc-the-art-of-monsters-inc/

Source: http://history.howstuffworks.com/american-history/garfield.htm

Source: http://villains.wikia.com/wiki/Gollum

Source: http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/google-android-mascot-concept-sketches-published

Source: http://lostmedia.wikia.com/wiki/Shrek_%28Original_Chris_Farley_Audio%29

Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077651/trivia

Source: http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Wilkins_Coffee

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Kirby

Source: http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/lindsay-lohan-turned-down-role-in-the-hangover-200987

Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088247/trivia

Source: http://www.homestarrunner.com/museum.com

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Life_of_Larry_and_Larry_%26_Steve

Awkward Handshakes

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Tue, 21 May 2013 05:11:00 +0000

There's not really anything interesting going on today that I want to discuss, so I'll share this video of awkward handshakes instead.
I just love awkwardness.

Red vs. Blue Season 11 is Happening, Be Excited

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Tue, 21 May 2013 02:56:00 +0000

The best web exclusive series ever (of all time) is returning for another season starting on June 14th, and you should be happy about that.
If you are unfamiliar with the series I will give a quick summary of what the show is about: The show is set in the far future. The first five seasons are very crudely made, but they are some of the funniest seasons of anything ever. They follow possibly two of the worst group of soldiers ever (of all time) as they battle for control of a useless cannon in the middle of no where. Slowly, they realize there is a lot more going on than they first realized. Slowly, more and more dramatic elements are introduced. Season 6 is much more professionals made, and is incredibly dramatic and epic and amazing. Seasons 7-10 amp up the level of dramatic-ness and epicness, and, surprisingly, the show is still incredibly funny.

I could go on forever about how good this show is, but you just need to watch it. I suggest buying the seasons on iTunes. They edit together the episodes into a movie length viewing experience which is simply amazing.

Anyways, yeah, there's a teaser for the new season. After the amazing season 10 finale, I really didn't know where they would go with the plot, but this looks great.
Also, ignore the bad voice acting and animation in the first part, those voice guys are semi-famous and (I hope) won't be in the show, and the show has much better animation.

Just watch all of Red vs. Blue and enjoy it. And look forward to season 11. That is all.

Watch This: Stephen Colbert's Speech at the University of Virginia

noreply@blogger.com (Logan Drake) — Mon, 20 May 2013 22:12:00 +0000

Stephen Colbert recently gave a pretty amazing talk at the University of Virginia. It's really worth a watch, not just because it's hilarious and Colbert is awesome, but he actually gives some pretty good advice and makes some real points, especially towards the end.

'Star Trek Into Darkness' Spoiler-Free Review: "THEY USED THE QUOTE!"

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Mon, 20 May 2013 05:31:00 +0000

I'll confess that I haven't watched every episode of every Star Trek series, or seen every movie, but I still love Star Trek, maybe just because it is a successful sic-fi series, and those are too rare for my liking.

I have seen JJ Abrams 2009 version of Star Trek, and enjoyed it very much. When I heard he was helming the sequel, Into Darkness, and that Benidect Cumberbatch would be playing the villain, and that Damon Lindeolf, of Lost and Prometheus fame would also be co-writing and producing the movie, my mind just about exploded.

And now the movie has been unleashed upon the public, and all those months of hoping and praying for an amazing movie are set to either be fulfilled or crushed like a lion's father in a herd of some sort of deer-like things.

Yes Spock, volcanos be hot.

The Plot

This movie takes place in the same forked universe of 2009's Star Trek. The movie begins with an awesome looking scene involving an underwater starship and a lot of running through a cool jungle, being chased by natives, and being in a volcano. Captain Kirk, as he always does, bends the rules a bit in order to save the life of his friend Spock. Kirk is demoted for breaking the rules and showing a starship to a civilization that had barely invented the wheel, and he is all sad. Then a Star Fleet archive is blown up, and people die, and a big meeting of all the captains and second in commands is called. Kirk attends, and realizes too late that it was a set up. The meeting is attacked and his mentor and several others are killed.

The big bad guy behind it all is revealed to be none other than Sherlock Holmes, or at least, the villain is played by the guy who plays Holmes in Sherlock. Either way, it's revealed who the criminal is, and Kirk is ordered by the head of Star Fleet to chase after him and kill him. This makes Spock and several other nervous because Star Fleet is supposed to be about exploring, not killing. These people are even more worried when the guy in charge gives Kirk 72 very dangerous, experimental photon torpedoes.

From here, the movie takes all sorts of exciting twists and turns.

The Review

The plot of the whole film is simply incredible. The story is great in basically every way, which means the only real problems with the movie are what the creators decide to focus on, and how the story is executed. Sure, there are minor problems with the story, there are some (okay, maybe a lot) of clichés (Yay, we caught the bad guy! But wait, maybe he wanted to be captured!), but they actually work fairly well within the movie, and they didn't distract me from the movie like the clichés and plot holes in Prometheus did.

Holy crap, its The Avengers and Skyfall all over again!

There are many great characters in Abrams' Star Trek universe, and they were all examined very well in the 2009 film, and they all developed great personalities that worked really well together. In Into Darkness however, most of the characters are just sort of there. Kirk and Spock, of course, are still examined closely and awesomely, but even Spock's sort of girlfriend just kind of stands there and occasionally makes a comment on her relationship.

The dynamic between the characters is still there, and it's awesome. The wide array of character types mix amazingly well together, and the dialogue is (for the most part) very, very well written.

The dynamics between the characters also provide the comic relief of the movie. This movie mixes the darkness and evilness of the villain, and the terrible tragedies that all the good guys go through with just the right amount of great humor (my favorite line: "I'm running!"). This mixture is what Iron Man 3 should have aimed for, more towards the darkness and less towards the dumb comedy. Instead, Iron Man 3 came off as a comedy with a dramatic plot.

Scottie is pretty great throughout.

Also, normally I don't comment on actors unless they suck (hey 42) but Benedict Cumberbatch was simply amazing as the villain in this movie. If you watch Sherlock, which you should, it's sort of weird to picture him as a completely evil, dark soul, but he pulls it off amazingly well, and his deep voice is just perfect.

The ever evolving plot of this movie really surprised me. From the trailers, it seems like the whole movie is hunting for Cumberbatch, but the bad guy and the issue at hand changes dramatically throughout, always keeping you on your toes.

The action scenes are all pretty amazing, but there sometimes seems like there are too many of them. Looking back, I don't really see any that could be left out, but at times it felt like last years Total Recall which was basically one long chase scene.

If you're a big fan of the original series, or TNG or have seen the first couple of movies, the ending of the movie, and some parts in the middle will bother you a lot. I won't give it away here, but there are several copy and paste scenes that come off wrong, and THEY USE THE QUOTE. And they use it so weirdly and I'm not sure if I like it.
If you're not a big Trekkie, then the use of "the quote" and the whole scene with it will be a little weird, because it's not as emotional as it should be unless you understand the history behind the quote.

Other, small notes

I was surprised by the amount of mystery and confusion in this movie. The trailers didn't really mention it at all, and the mystery played out really well.

The mystery is the same kind of mystery faced in the first half of Oblivion.

The visuals in this movie are awesome. The beginning scene is so beautiful it reminded me of Skyfall, and the constant contrast between the white/silver starship and the primary colors of their outfits always looked great.
I have always loved the future that all of Star Trek takes place in, because it is so founded in science and everything seems completely plausible. I hate movies where it's like "in 5 years we will have teleportation and everything will be perfect and everything will be all glossy white and hover and we'll cure cancer and it will be great." Most future movies seem like Apple designed everything, and it's just not realistic. Star Trek has always ridden the line closely, but I think Into Darkness leans more towards the plausible looking future.

The way people in the 60s pictured 2013 was almost always wrong. They pictured huge round skyscrapers everywhere, flying cars, lots of glass and shiny white, clean things. They were wrong. Most movies take this same sort of view on the next couple of decades, thinking everything will be perfect. It won't be.

The review may come off as overly negative, but I tend to focus more on the errors and less on what was done right. A lot was done right in this movie, however, and my final score reflects that.

The Bottomline

If you like big budget summer action movies, this is amazing. If you love scifi, this is great. If you like 2009's Star Trek, this is incredible. If you're a die hard, "I've seen every episode and every movie" Star Trek fan, several things about this will really annoy you. Depending on your loyalty to the originals, you may or may not be able to get over it.

But most likely, you will enjoy this film very, very much, because it's pretty freaking great.

My Score: 8.7/10

The IMDB score takes into account over 1,000 ratings and reviews from both critics and regular people.

Get local showtimes and/or tickets to Star Trek Into Darkness here.

How to Make Your Vacation Planning Easier (and Cheaper Too!)

noreply@blogger.com (Logan Drake) — Mon, 20 May 2013 05:30:00 +0000

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Southwest Airlines Vacations. All opinions are 100% mine.

Everyone loves the idea of traveling, but often it is difficult and bothersome when done in person. Planning vacations can get very complicated, especially if you aren't a billionaire who can just jump in his private jet.

Southwest Airlines Vacations is here to help with all of that. They make it way simpilier and more fun to plan your vacation, and you can save all sorts of money too. They have packages to over 80 destinations, and you can fly from any Southwest Airlines departure city. You can even choose your own flight, hotel, car rentals, show tickets, attractions passes, tours and more. It's basically a one stop shop for all your travel needs, you don't need to go to 50 different places to get everything for your trip.

With all these great features, you would think you'd be paying major money, but Southwest Vacations has all sorts of great money saving mechanisms. The best one: bags fly free. Possibly the most annoying aspect of flying is that you have to pay upwards of $120 just to get your clothes and other necesities to the place with you. With Southwest Vacations, your bags are free both ways.

Plus, if you're going to Vegas, Southwest Vacations is promoting an amazing Las Vegas Vacations deal. If you use the promo code "VEGAS" between now and May 27, you can save lots of money on your flight and hotel. If you spend between $500 and $1,000, you get $50 off. You get an additinal $25 off if yor package is between $1,000 and $2,000, and an amazing $100 off if your package is over $2,000.

If you're trying to figure out where to go on vacation, Vegas is a great option. There are all sorts of great shows to go to, and you can see big glowy signs all the time. And if you ever get bored, you can just try and recreate scenes from movies like The Hangover or Vegas Vacation.

Plus, if you're into celebrities, there are basically always celebrities somewhere in the city, and you're pretty likely to see one (or many).

But no matter where your vacation takes you, be sure to check out Southwest Vacations to see how much simpiler (and cheaeper!) they can make your planning.

Weekend Box Office: May 17-19

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Mon, 20 May 2013 04:21:00 +0000

TW	LW	Title	Studio	Weekend Gross	% Change	Theater Count /Change		Average	Total Gross	Budget*	Week #
1	N	Star Trek Into Darkness	Par.	$70,555,000	-	3,868	-	$18,241	$84,091,000	$190	1
2	1	Iron Man 3	BV	$35,182,000	-51.5%	4,237	-16	$8,304	$337,073,000	$200	3
3	2	The Great Gatsby (2013)	WB	$23,415,000	-53.2%	3,550	+15	$6,596	$90,159,000	$105	2
4	3	Pain and Gain	Par.	$3,100,000	-38.0%	2,429	-874	$1,276	$46,574,000	$26	4
5	7	The Croods	Fox	$2,750,000	-23.8%	2,373	-277	$1,159	$176,750,000	$135	9
6	5	42	WB	$2,730,000	-40.5%	2,380	-550	$1,147	$88,735,000	$40	6
7	6	Oblivion	Uni.	$2,222,000	-46.0%	2,077	-693	$1,070	$85,500,000	$120	5
8	8	Mud	RAtt.	$2,160,000	-14.9%	960	+108	$2,250	$11,588,000	-	4
9	4	Tyler Perry Presents Peeples	LGF	$2,150,000	-53.4%	2,041	-	$1,053	$7,858,000	$15	2
10	9	The Big Wedding	LGF	$1,100,000	-55.8%	1,443	-855	$762	$20,198,000	$35	4

This Accent Prank is Awesome

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Mon, 20 May 2013 03:25:00 +0000

Accents are pretty much everywhere, and we've all heard (probably racist) jokes about accents. This guy, however, uses accents to pull off a pretty awesome, 4 month prank. Four months is a long time to dedicate, but the pay off is awesome.

Photo: Amazing Frog Face

noreply@blogger.com (Logan) — Mon, 20 May 2013 02:45:00 +0000

Terrible Infomercials Part One

noreply@blogger.com (Logan Drake) — Sun, 19 May 2013 05:39:00 +0000

We've all seen infomercials, but often you don't realize just how stupid they are until after viewing them. They all seem to show people completely failing at normal, everyday things, usually in black and white. I'm gathering together gifs of some of the worse, least realistic clips ever. Here's the first batch:

Oh no, it poured perfectly!

He's not an idiot at all. Also, WHERE DID THE SODA GO!?

Soap donut.

The Sun? NOT AGAIN!

There's no room for two? Fixed it.

Come on Shawn, potatoes again!

Soap problems.

Who actually tries to carry this much?

Happens to me all the time.

Context?

Checkmate Atheists!

Who has this many cups?

Killer tape measure.