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	<title>The Clockwork Times</title>
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		<title>London on Alert as Lion is Posted</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/london-on-alert-as-lion-is-posted/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 20 May 2011 15:58:52 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/?p=178</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[    London was today put under a high level of alert, as a lion from London Zoo was mistakenly posted to an unspecified address. The lion, a six-year old male called King Charles II, was posted on May 19 and could arrive “literally anywhere” a zoo spokesman confirmed today. “We know that on or around [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Chris Huhne Replaced by Owl</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/chris-huhne-replaced-by-owl/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 20 May 2011 15:12:24 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/?p=170</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Liberal Democrat Cabinet Minister, Chris Huhne, was today dramatically replaced by an owl. Embattled Energy Secretary Mr Huhne had no comment to make as he left Downing Street this afternoon after his sacking, following allegations he had mislead police over a driving offence. His replacement, the owl, will take up its new position on Monday. It was a surprise [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>QUICK NEWS!!! Trees are Safe, say Coalition</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2011/02/18/quick-news-trees-are-safe-say-coalition/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 18 Feb 2011 13:23:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[By our Chief Political Correspondent, Royston McCoy&#8230; In the most extraordinary u-turn performed by a Government Minister since Geoffrey Howe&#8217;s roller-blading mishap during a visit to Horsham in 1972, the planned privitisation of trees will now NOT go ahead. Said a spokesbush for Caroline Spelman, Minister in Charge of Trees, Leaves, Greenery, Borders &#38; Really [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>BAFTA awards not awarded to everyone</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/bafta-awards-not-awarded-to-everyone/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 14 Feb 2011 13:58:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/?p=124</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Some people left the BAFTA Awards last night without winning any BAFTA awards, reports CT Entertainment Correspondent, Amy Shoes. The evening began with some people winning BAFTA awards and continued with some people winning BAFTA awards, but as the night wore on, it slowly became clear that some people were not going to win BAFTA [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>The Big Interview</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/the-big-interview/</link>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 01 Sep 2010 16:01:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Feature]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/?p=93</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Actor Jeremy Irons talks career, diplomacy &#38; Clangers, and reveals his favourite bus route to Amy Shoes&#8230; Jeremy Irons is late, so I take a corner table in one of Piccadilly&#8217;s newest restaurants, The Liza Minnelli Experience, and go through my questions carefully. He detests being asked about his alleged resemblance to Richard II (he once punched Michael Aspel through a Burger King window), [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>News: Descartes behind Monkey Kidnap</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/news-descartes-behind-monkey-kidnap/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 20:20:40 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[By The CT&#8217;s Resident Psychoanalyst, Dr. Sherwood Knocker Pebbles the chimpanzee was last night relaxing with friends after being returned safe and well to Potherington Civic Zoo. The 3 year old self-confessed &#8220;pleasure seeker&#8221; had been missing for a fortnight when Police received an anonymous tip-off that kids&#8217; entertainer and pop-philosopher Descartes (pictured) had taken [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>News: Animal confusion at City Farm</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/news-animal-confusion-at-city-farm/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 20:18:44 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[By nature lover and nudist, Anne Phlange Trevor Cleftbrook was at the centre of a confusing moment at &#8220;Touch our Animals City Farm&#8221; in Wandsworth last week. The commotion began as Trevor approached the donkey enclosure. &#8220;I was taking a look round the farm during my lunch hour and spotted the donkeys, which looked quite [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Dating Times</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/advert-super-great-date/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 20:06:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Dating]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[Dating Times is brought to you exclusively by The Clockwork Times. Our picks from this edition are: Davinia Hi ya sexy bod!!!!!!! God, where do I staaaaaaart?!!!!! My name&#8217;s Shirley, I&#8217;m 43 and live in Coventry, yaaaaaay!!!!!! No, Coventry&#8217;s not that bad, NOT!!!!!!! I work in IT, but would really like to get into publishing, [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Feature: Anne of Gitting-Barrow</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/feature-anne-of-gitting-barrow/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 20:06:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Feature]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[Curl up with the CT&#8217;s Coffee Hour, and the second part of our romantic serial: ‘Anne of Gitting-Barrow’&#8230; By Sharon Bronte. Chapter Two (Anne enters her teenage years, and meets the handsome Willoughby Chuff). ‘It weren’t long after my fourteenth birthday that Ma decided school were no good for me any longer. She said Mr. [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>News: &#8216;Pay-As-You-Go Sting&#8217; Withdrawn From Shelves</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/news-pay-as-you-go-sting-withdrawn-from-shelves/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 19:58:02 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[By Our Science Correspondent, Gil Remington The mobile pop star giant, PocketPop UK Ltd, today withdrew each of its Pay As You Go Stings from supermarket shelves across the country. Said company spokesman, Graham Cornwallis: &#8220;It has been brought to our notice that the popular Sting model has certain defects, which if uncorrected, could pose [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Brenda Norse – She’s A Horse</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/feature-brenda-morse-%e2%80%93-she%e2%80%99s-a-horse/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 19:49:21 +0000</pubDate>
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					<description><![CDATA[Brenda&#8217;s back from her championship-winning tour of Latvia, and ready to sup greedily from the Westminster nosebag once again &#8211; and remember, you heard it here first! WHAT the hell does this Government thinks it&#8217;s playing at?! One minute they&#8217;re one hundred and ten per cent opposed to university top-up fees, the next, they can&#8217;t [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>News: Labour Leadership Contender Contends Labour Leadership</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/news-labour-leadership-contender-contends-labour-leadership/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 19:44:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/news-labour-leadership-contender-contends-labour-leadership/</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This shock announcement by Spin McDonald, Political Correspondent Labour&#8217;s silence over its internal leadership feuding was dramatically shattered this week, when a leading plotter broke cover on Friday. But to the clear dismay of three- and-a-half year old Billy Tinkle, from Welwyn, it was not Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown, but the man who [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Feature: Is This Christ&#8217;s Sock?</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/feature-is-this-christs-sock/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 19:41:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Feature]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/feature-is-this-christs-sock/</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[By Historical Expert, Professor Podman Clumwitt, Senior Lecturer in Menswear, at the University of East Feltham A sock believed to have belonged to Jesus Christ (4BC-30AD) has been handed in to Ealing Broadway Tube Station&#8217;s Lost Property Office. Although theologians are not sure if the sock is definitely that of &#8220;the Messiah&#8221;, they can agree [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Promotion: Clockwork Times Endorsements</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/feature-clockwork-times-endorsements/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[clockworktimeseditor]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 19:38:27 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Promotion]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/feature-clockwork-times-endorsements/</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[John Prescott Says: &#8220;I&#8217;ve made The Clockwork Times one of my Internet Favourites because, and notwithstanding the fact that despite an inclination to believe contrariwise, there is and I quote, although you&#8217;ll hear arguments in the media suggesting the opposite and I&#8217;ve always maintained this, I&#8217;ve said it at Party Conference and I&#8217;ll be saying [&#8230;]]]></description>
		
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		<title>Promotion: Marr Mask</title>
		<link>https://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/promotion-marr-mask/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[clockworktimeseditor]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 Apr 2005 19:27:54 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Promotion]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://clockworktimes.wordpress.com/2005/04/22/promotion-marr-mask/</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[For CT readers only, we present &#8211; Marr Mask! Marr Mask is here! Pretend YOU are Andrew Marr (from BBC&#8217;s &#8216;The News&#8217;)! Interview important people, real or imagined! Go to posh restaurants and demand a nice seat! Get your friends to sing paeans to your journalistic excellence! Wave your arms around…..JUST LIKE ANDREW!!!!]]></description>
		
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