clumsy

OMG I was RIGHT!

2012-01-01T02:37:00.000-05:00

I went out tonight with my friend from high school, Stephanie. Well, long story short, I met someone, gave him my number, and have been texting him.

Remember when I said I'd meet someone around the new year? Read this to refresh your memory. Yeah, I was totally predictable and right. :)

Flip flop and flats hangers

2011-12-29T00:08:00.000-05:00

I'm on Pinterest and it's inspired the crafty version of me. I have, um, a billion pairs of flip flops. I'm lucky that Old Navy's flip flops are amazing on me and once a year they put them on sale for $1. Yeah, I own at least 1 pair in every color.

Sorry for the crappy phone camera photo. They are black with pewter ribbon. I have a HUGE containter with buttons I need to dig out and they too will have some adorable buttons.

Here's the blog post that I got this from - Flip Flop Hangers

Me.

2011-12-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

People make a lot of assumptions about me, most of which are NOT true. I'm not sure what to think about it...I am pretty random.

I wear Prada eyeglasses. My 2 pairs of sunglasses are Prada and Burberry.

I listen to Metal, Rock, and Country. I like my music to be real. The fake computerized shit sucks.

My nose is pierced and my nails are black.

All my jeans are from Hollister and American Eagle. They're the only ones that fit my ass and legs.

I dread getting older. Not because I'm afraid of getting old, but because it means that my mom, dad, step dad, and uncle are all getting that much older too. I have no idea how I'm supposed to take care of them all.

I own clothes from BCBG, Calvin Klein, White House Black Market, Gucci and Jimmy Choo.

I was "born and raised" in church. I'm thinking about converting to Judaism. That whole virgin birth and the son of God thing doesn't sit right with me.

My hair is the longest it's ever been. The only reason - I can't afford to get it cut.

I'm on the Autism spectrum.

I tried to commit suicide when I was 18. The doctors kept asking me what was so wrong with my life, so I would tell them to give me a subject (family, friends, school, etc.). I had a horrible reason why those things wouldn't matter. At the end of this "game" they just sat there with their mouths open in shock. It really was that bad.

My absolute favorite song in the entire world is When You Say Nothing At All.

I used to despise Twitter. I started tweeting to annoy a friend and now I kind of like it.

I read Dear Abby every morning when I first wake up.

The only person in my family I have never hated is my grandma. She was the 1st in my immediate family to die.

Absence

2011-12-13T23:59:00.005-05:00

I've got a ton of blogging to catch up on. I usually save them for a few hours/days before posting so I can reread and make sure I didn't say something too far over the line or make any dumb spelling/grammar errors. I currently have 11 in "draft", including ones from before Dave and I separated. I'll get them posted as soon as possible. PROMISE!

Only thing of any interest that's happened since my last post was hanging out with Kailey and watching Friends with Benefits at my place and eating a delicious smoked turkey sandwich. I am so incredibly lame.

I'm having a really hard time with the loss of the baby. I would have been due in 12 days. No one has said a word about it to me and I don't have anyone I can talk to about what I'm going through, because to my knowledge, no one I know has gone through it.

I'm thinking about dating again. NOT Shane. I just have no idea where to even begin.

I'm "Bah Humbug"-ing Christmas this year, again. I'm just not into it. 3 years ago, my grandma went into the hospital on Christmas Eve. That was the last time I saw her alive, last year my marriage was falling apart.

I just opened up comments. After getting some ridiculous stuff said to me, I just went ahead and quit allowing them. My big girl panties are back, so I can handle it now.

Thankful

2011-11-24T09:54:00.006-05:00

1 year ago, I told my husband I didn't want to be married, not that I wanted a divorce, just that I never wanted to get married to him or anyone else. It was the beginning of the worst year of my life.

Since Thanksgiving last year, I've been through hell and back. I realized my husband was exactly the person I wanted to spend my life with a day too late, despite what had happened. I intentionally made our divorce as difficult as possible on him and myself. I lost friends who I truly loved. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I lost a child, who, for someone who never even took a single breath, changed my life in ways I never thought possible. I lost several futures I once thought I held. I am not always 100% forthcoming on the internet, even with the amount of dirty laundry I air. I had some seriously dark thoughts that I've never spoken of out loud and I don't plan to.

Through all the bad times and the hundreds, if not thousands, of tears I've cried in the last year, I've also managed to change who I am completely and figure out who I am when it's just me. I am a hell of a lot tougher than I think I am.

I'm thankful for having some of the best friends and family one could ever hope to have. I honestly might not be alive if it weren't for them. Kailey, Casey, Kori, Crystal, Katie, Shane...you guys have no idea how much your support through all this has meant to me. Even if we are no longer talking, I still owe you that.

My life isn't even close to what I thought it would be like. I don't think I'm any happier than I was a year ago but I'm back to being me, my cancer is gone, and somehow despite the emotional horrors I've gone through since last year, I'm alive and that is the thing I'm the most thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Liz Taylor?

2011-11-19T13:46:00.005-05:00

I found out last night Dave is on to marriage #4!!! We've been divorced since August, they've known about each others existence in the world since last December. Well, I guess all I can say is -

Congrats David Eugene Whitley and Rebecca Sue Phillips!

Photographer Appreciation Day

2011-11-18T17:22:00.002-05:00

I'm officially declaring today to be photographer appreciation day. There is a "World Photography Day" (the next one is August 19, 2012), but that doesn't count.

I met with a potential client today. I caught a whiff of a bridezilla. I won't go into details, but as of right now, even with the amount of money I'll lose, I will not take her on as a client.

All this brings me to my post and it's intentions.

Photography is no doubt expensive when you consider that my rate is $150/hour. Boy, don't you wish you made that much money per hour? Here's how a photographer's time really tends to break down:

*Don't worry if you don't understand what all the things mean - I only included them all so you can Google if you want to!*

Before we show up to any photo shoot we go through our camera bags and equipment. We decide what will and won't be coming with us, charge batteries, clean lenses, make sure all the equipment works properly, and so on. This will take an hour.

I like to get myself a couple days to "forget" about the photos I've just taken. First in the post processing (this means everything we have to do AFTER we take the photos) step is uploading all the photos into Lightroom and separating the ones that will never see the light of day from the ones that might be seen. I do this process at least twice. This depends on how many photos I took, but I'd guess that it takes me 1 hour to upload and sort.

Next I go back to the beginning and start doing the following to every photo:
white balance, exposure/recovery/blacks (all if needed), add or subtract contrast, add clarity and vibrance. I then go back and remove small random things like dust on the lens or flyaway hairs, zits, etc. For each image, this will take between 2-5 minutes. For 100 photos, it will take me roughly 4 hours.

For the next day or 2 I will not look at these photos. I want to "forget" about them again. I come back and do like I did before and sort these. They are either done and do not need any further work or they need to get opened up in Photoshop and worked on some more for one reason or another. The amount of time and photos that go into Photoshop is varied for me. I have spent 20 seconds on some photos and I've spent over an hour on others (This is VERY VERY VERY rare!). I will just say that on average, I'll put 2-3 hours of work into this stage.

Once I am done with all the photos, they are sent back to Lightroom, cropped, and saved. While they are saving, they are being renamed, convert to a different format and color space, and having a watermark added. Unfortunately, this takes a LONG time, but the computer does it all for me after I click a few buttons. I'd guess that the time I spend in front of the computer doing this is only 30 minutes.

Now, I upload them and tell you where to go to see them. Another 30 minutes. You order them in the sizes you want and I get to work on ordering them.

I open up Lightroom again and start cropping them for the sizes you ordered and uploading and ordering them from my printing company. This is the most tedious part for me. It takes me, depending on the amount of images you ordered, about 3 hours.

So, for your 2 hour, $300 photo shoot, it actually took me about 15 hours of work. This amounts to $20 per hour.

This is my job. I don't have "benefits". No health, dental, vision, or life insurance....and so on. See where it starts looking more like minimum wage?

Lying; why?

2011-11-17T23:03:00.004-05:00

I went over to Shane's last night and stayed the night. I'm not too sure why I did it. Okay, that's not true...yes I do know why. For some reason I can't say no to him. So I got there and we just hung out and watched American Horror Story. He hadn't seen it, wanted to, and I'm in love with it. To no one's surprise, we had sex. It was pretty friggin amazing.

About 5 hours later, my phone rang and woke us up. I eventually got in the shower and I thought I was going to start my period, so I looked under the cabinet thinking Nicole might have some tampons under there so I wouldn't have to run down to my car. She didn't, but I noticed that Shane's shower curtain was under there. A while ago, he told me that she changed the curtain without asking and threw his away. I couldn't believe that anyone would have the nerve to do that. SOOOO, I'm trying to figure out why he would tell me that and what the hell else has he been lying about?

In other Crystal news, I'm working on a to-do list for my life. I need to find a job (my entire day tomorrow is devoted to my earning money), lose at least 20 more pounds, start doing a lot more stuff with my photography, blog more (this is a great outlet!), workout more, and so on...

wings

2011-11-13T16:29:00.005-05:00

My dad got 4 tickets to the Red Wings game. He ended up giving me 2 of the tickets, so the first person I called was Kailey. It took her about .1 second to say yes, she wanted to go. Sooo...that's what I did last night. They were giving away hunter orange Carhartt hats with the Wings logo on them.

Tickets!

Oh my gosh, they are just sooo cute!

Before all that, I went to Vinology with Gabe. I haven't hung out with her since our Sophomore year of high school. We had drama and it's been so long, I have no idea what the hell it was. She commented on a photo (You'll see next week!) on Facebook and we decided to get together today. She's matured since we last really talked, but is still the same person she was in high school.

Wow...Just wow.

2011-11-11T22:25:00.007-05:00

I haven't talked about what happened between me and Dave. Not what the final straw was, anyhow. In fact, I've only mentioned on here, as though the whole story is known by everyone in the world. Dave hit me and raped me. I can't remember the last time I told the entire story. It was probably when I filed the police report. I'm going to tell the entire story. It starts in June 2010.

Dave and I went to a party at the house of the best man at our wedding, Tommy. It was his roommate's birthday. His roommate lived in the St. John. Dave and I got married on St. Thomas, one of the Virgin Islands a few miles away; we spent a day of our honeymoon on St. John. Jake, the roommate, and I talked about all the places and things we loved and hated down there. We talked about the donkeys and chicken that cause traffic jams.

He moved back down there later that month. He and I exchanged phone numbers and email addresses and he invited me and Dave to stay with him down there whenever we wanted. He and I kept in touch through email. He asked me how the rebuilding was going in Nashville and I asked about the weather there. He randomly made a joke about his "ultimate fantasy". I said "You can't just say something like that and expect me not to ask.". He told me this huge story about world domination and everyone bowing down to him. It was a joke. I got that. I replied back with "Well, if you need help with any of those fantasies, feel free to let me know (Okay, so I probably should say that...)."

In October, Dave and I got new phones. We were deleting everything off our old ones and for whatever reason, Dave picked up my old phone and started going through it. He came across the above mentioned emails and freaked out on me. He went off about how he never should have married me and how I was nothing but a whore like my friends. The next day, I had plans to go up to Michigan to hang out for a few days and to spend my dad's birthday with him. Then, the day after his birthday, I was going to drive to Chicago and hang out with Dave for the weekend. Dave was pissed off at me the entire time and wasn't even remotely fun to be around. We were moving the following weekend and had to pack the entire apartment the next week.

On Tuesday, October 26, we went out to the Flying Saucer and he, in true Dave fashion, got drunk. We went home, showered, and went to bed. He decided he wanted to fool around. I was all about it. At that point it had been at least 2 weeks since we had and I knew that when we had sex, he usually got over being pissed off at me in the past.

I just can't do this right now. I will tell the rest of the story, but I can't right now.

This forum was sent to me by a friend. This is what set this blog post off.
http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1251022_Rape_victim_must_pay_rapist.html&page=1

Childfree

2011-11-06T16:27:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I don't have children. Almost all of my friends do have children and I've known all but 1 of them before they had kids. I still love them all, and I love their children, but I realized today that I make it a point not to answer the phone or make plans with some of those friends anymore. I don't hate kids, obviously.

Here's the thing, when people have kids, they get boring. Really boring. I've seen intelligent, beautiful, confident women turn into a mere shell of their former self. I've spent 45 minutes on the phone with a friend who spent the entire time telling me about her children's bowel movements, every time they've been sick since they were born, and the details of the recovery on one of her kids surgery. 45 minutes. No exaggeration. She didn't have anything to say that didn't involve her children. I'm glad she loves being a mom so much. I know she always wanted to have a big family. I'm happy that she's happy. I'm not happy that I no longer have her as a friend who can't function without obsessively telling me about her kids.

Here's *my* rules for my friends who are parents:
1. When you're on the phone with me, don't put me on hold so you can change the channel on TV for your kid, don't put me on hold to yell at your kid, don't put me on hold to have a conversation with your kid. Just call me when your kid goes to bed, is in school/day care, or napping. Putting me on hold to deal with your child wastes my minutes and time.

2. Vaccinate your kids. I don't care if you're just an oh so crunchy mom and only feed your child fresh food and they've never even smelled a preservative. I also don't really care if you feed your child McDonalds everyday. You Small Pox was eradicated by vaccinations, right? Bet you didn't know that Pertussis was eradicated in the US until parents stopped vaccinating their children. Do everyone a favor and just vaccinate your kid!

3. Don't tell me what your children want for their birthday when you have never invited me to their party.

4. Quit complaining about the baby keeping you up all night, being tired, how broke you are, and anything else you *KNEW* to expect after your child was born. Your pregnancy may or may not have been planned, but you know what comes along with giving birth. I've been in your house, I've seen the "What to Expect" book there. You knew you weren't going to sleep for a long time and you knew babies were expensive. I don't feel bad for you!

5. Please do not invite me over to your house when you are busy with your children and/or cleaning and expect me to help. I have my own space to keep clean and I kind of suck at that...Also, please do not count this as quality friend time. It's not.

6. I'm not used to having to "watch my mouth". I will probably swear in front of your kid. I'm trying not to, I promise. Do NOT yell at me or give me a dirty look. There was a time when you didn't think about all the f-bombs getting launched out of your mouth, remember?

I'm not writing all this to piss off parents. I'm simply irritated with the way people change after they pop a baby out. I realize I won't be any different from them, but for now, this is how I feel. I'm not jealous that you're a parent (okay, maybe I am a little bit, because I'm supposed to be counting down until I become one of you, but really...that's not at all what this is about!) and I'm not bitter. Just be nice to your friends that don't have kids and follow the above rules :)

STJ - Day 1

2011-11-03T13:41:00.009-04:00

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I didn't sleep much. I took a couple benedryl at 830 pm so I would pass out. I did. Then woke back up at 1230 am. I got to the airport and ended up trying to do my hair and make up in the bathroom at DTW. I met Jen, a stylist and Make Up Artist from London, Ontario. She was heading to Isla Mujeres, Mexico. She noticed my massive amount of MAC. I had a layover in Ft. Lauderdale.

Layover at Ft Lauderdale

I got off the plane and took a taxi to Red Hook. I ended up walking over to Duffy's Love Shack with a couple from my taxi and had a Bushwacker in a huge parrot glass. I caught the ferry to St. John, sat back and relaxed and enjoyed the view.

"Welcome to St. John" "United State Virgin Islands" "The Crown Jewel of the Caribbean"

Typical me, I got lost on the way to my hotel. The directions said to continue walking straight, but there were 2 types of straight, depending on which side of the sidewalk you're on. I called and asked for directions and figured it out pretty quick.

I got there, got settled, showered and headed back into Cruz Bay and went to The Beach Bar. I had a painkiller and a thing of fries. This old black guy kept trying to get my attention and kept waving at me, and I kept ignoring him. Well, he had enough of my ignoring him, so he came over, sat down next to me and started chatting with me. After 20 minutes, I was finally able to get him to leave me alone by just not talking and screwing around on my phone. So I'm sitting there enjoying myself and this middle age solo fat white guy starts talking to me. It was fine, until he asked me if he could buy me a drink. I said "Thanks, but no, I had enough to drink and was drinking water.". Unfortunately for him, I don't have daddy issues. He got up to go to the bathroom, so I got my check, paid and walked back to my room and went to bed.

Day 480485729?

2011-10-28T13:01:00.001-04:00

I've done a sucky job of keeping up with my "I will blog about my clothes and how I'm dressing better" promise. I've done well with my list of rules. All my sweatshirts are still in the spare bedroom closet. I haven't left the house wearing pajama pants, unless it was a Kroger run for my dad after 9pm. My hair and makeup are done whenever I leave the house...

Pic from today-

Top is from H & M, worn with black leggings from Target, and boots by Candies from Kohls.

milk

2011-10-25T15:23:00.001-04:00

I'm gonna do something I don't ordinarily do and review some products. I have a milk allergy and no longer drink cows milk. I've had soy and rice milk in the past and HATED both. They just tasted horrible to me, so I've decided to try coconut and almond milk.

1. Silk Pure Coconut Vanilla

It's a thicker milk. I don't love it or hate it. It has a strong coconut taste and the vanilla is more of an afterthought. I don't like it with my cookies or cereal at all and kind of have to choke it down. To drink it's fine and I think it'd be great in coffee or tea. The biggest thing I dislike about this milk is that it has 5 grams of saturated fat per 8 oz. serving and the fact that rather than using soy or sunflower lecithin as a thickener, it uses carrageenan, which some people are concerned with being a cancer causing agent.

2. Silk Pure Almond Original

I like this as a plain milk for baking. It's got a natural slight sweet taste but is pretty neutral. Health wise it's great! It's creamy and thicker, like vitamin D milk. Low calorie, low fat. It is a little high on the carbs, but I'm not a carb counter.

3. Silk Pure Almond Vanilla

This is my favorite of all the alternatives to cow milk. It's very sweet. In fact, the 1st time I tried it, it reminded me of a good vanilla ice cream. I love the taste of it in my cereal (Grape Nut Flakes), cream of wheat, oatmeal. It's also great with cookies. I also love to drink this as a desert type of thing. It has a lot more sugar in it, but it's still low calorie and low fat.

4. Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla

I absolutely did not like this milk. It's very thin and water-like. I bought it as a substitute for the Silk vanilla. I only used it a couple times and didn't like it for any purpose, so it went down the drain. It might appeal to some people, but I didn't like the consistency, taste, or ingredients. It's another milk that uses carrageenan.

None of this was paid for by Silk or Almond Breeze. I just wished I had come across something like this before paying $3 for the ones I didn't really like.

Love and Other Impossible Pursuits

2011-10-21T16:41:00.005-04:00

I'm sitting at the Ann Arbor Public Library. My fingers are so cold that I can barely type this. It's either because I'm actually cold or because nerves are shot.

I came down here to get out of the house. I wanted to upload CD's and I had a book on hold. Love and Other Impossible Pursuits. I saw the movie it's based off of - The Other Woman and I knew I had to read the book. Everything the main character goes through is something I've gone through in the last year. She lost a baby, had an impossible relationship with her significant other's son, issues with parents divorce, being the reason for a marriage breaking up as the other woman, and being the wife worried about being left for the other woman. It really spoke to me. Most of all this, for me, has dealt with me and Shane's relationship, rather than me and Dave.

In the middle of switching a CD and leaving my book in the middle of the chapter, I look up and see Shane and his son walking right toward me. I probably looked horrified to see them. He just said "Wow that's random." and walked past me, got his son set up on the computer, and came over and started talking to me. We talked about the kid, Nicole, my contemplating moving to Canada, my milk allergy, his new phone, how often I come to the library...It's weird how quickly he and I manage to start talking like nothing has changed. I didn't say anything about finding out about Sara. I couldn't. I would be 9 weeks away from delivering her now.

I can hardly function right now. I don't love him. I occasionally miss him. Not nearly enough that I now can't stop thinking about all the shit that's happened in the last year. I lost him as a friend because of someone who was supposed to be my best friend. I never ran my mouth about her. I was as good of a friend to her as I possibly could have been.

Expat? Maybe.

2011-10-18T23:39:00.003-04:00

I just got back from my moms. I'm actually seriously considering a move up there. I might be nuts. I need a change. Badly. I have been on an expat forum and looking at the Canadian Immigration law for hours now. I can stay for 6 months on my passport and then get stuck in a chicken/egg conundrum for working...I can't get a work visa unless I've been offered a job and I can't be offered a job until I have a work visa. By the time I get a job offer, my 6 months will likely be up and I would have to apply for permanent residency. My mom, unfortunately, can not sponsor me, now that I'm over the age of 25. Talk about frustrating. Fortunately, I can do photography stuff up there with out permission of the government - and its perfectly legal.

Another idea I've been tossing around in my head for a while is trying to move to the Islands. It is, to be honest, more frightening to me than moving to Canada. Housing is EXPENSIVE ($1600 for a studio, without utilities paid!) and the only types of jobs there are service related (wait staff at restaurants). I've never worked in the food industry, other than at the movie theatre, and I was usually on a cash register. I didn't do a whole lot of food prep or actual serving.

View north of the Blue Water Bridge

Still in the US

The long line to get into Canada

holidays...and my weirdness with them.

2011-10-14T01:01:00.005-04:00

I have a problem with holidays. It's a weird and unique problem. All my 'real' relationships have begun and ended within days of a calendar holiday. Also, if you do the math, they start approximately 6 months after the last one ended. Based on this, I guess I'll begin a relationship on January 1

1. Shane - Christmas 2003 - Tax day (April 15) 2004.
2. Jarod - Halloween 2004 - St. Patricks Day 2007
3. David - Labor Day 2007 - Thanksgiving 2010
4. Shane (again) - Easter 2011 - 4th of July 2011

AnD tHiS iS wHy YoU sHoUlDn'T SnOoP!!!

2011-10-11T23:18:00.003-04:00

So...my dad left his phone on the sofa when he went to bed. He has it set up so it keeps ringing when someone calls, leaves a voicemail, sends a text message, etc. So about 3 minutes ago, it started going off. The only way to make it stop is to open it and close it. Well...I opened it and noticed it was from his 3rd wife. Um...wtf is my dad still doing talking to her?!?!

Dairy Free

2011-10-09T16:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a while. I really haven't been up to a whole lot that really deserves being talked about. I've been great about dressing myself according to my "rules". I'm heading up to my momma's on Friday.

I finally booked my flight to St. John. I'm going from October 30 to November 2, I have my itinerary already planned out. Heading to Coral Bay to eat and get drunk at Island Blues on Sunday night. Monday, I'm doing the Reef Bay Hike, going back to the room to shower, then heading to Skinny Legs for their Halloween party. I'm going to wear this because I don't really dress up. I've left Tuesday open. I'm gonna beach it. Probably Cinnamon or Maho and then do some shopping, eating, and drinking in Cruz Bay. I'm rolling myself out of bed early on Wednesday and doing a sail with Fury Charters on St. Thomas, then going over to the place I had my tattoo done and I'm going to have it touched up. As soon as that's done, I'm heading to the airport to fly back to the cold.

I've been taking care of myself better lately then I even did for my wedding. I've been doing an hour of cardio everyday along with doing weights every other day. My diet has consisted of fruit, some veggies (better than my usual none...) and baked meat. I recently found out I'm allergic to milk. Sooo...all dairy is automatically cut out of my diet. I finally picked up a thing of Almond Milk and I LOVE it. Taste better than regular cows milk. I guess a lot of my health issues will probably go away after cutting everything out. My face should stop breaking out, my mood swings and irritability should stop...I haven't had anything dairy in 6 days and my face is already 10X clearer than it was.

Day 1

2011-09-26T13:10:00.004-04:00

I didn't technically get dressed yesterday. I worked, so I had junk clothes on allllll day long.

This is what I have on today. 3/4 length white with black stripes top from Forever 21 and American Eagle straight jeans.

I'm going to Meijer later. I'm going to buy some temporary hair dye and get my hair back to 1 color instead of the natural ombre look that I've got going. It may be in style, but I'm not a fan!

I also called Eternal Tattoo and American Graffiti to find out about the nose piercing...$30 and it includes the jewelry and aftercare. Not bad. My dad is going to beat my ass!

I'm doing great on my weight loss. I am down 9 pounds since realizing I gained 20. My goal is to be down 25-30 by the time I go to St. John. I want to be able to wear a bikini and not feel totally self conscious. It would put me at my lowest weight since before I met Dave.

I've also come to another conclusion...the type of food I eat totally matters. I don't care what any "study" shows. I haven't had any greasy foods and my hair and face hardly get oily anymore. That stuff totally comes out of your pores!

And I'm off - going shopping at Meijer and Kohls.

Clothes, Fashion...I need a makeover

2011-09-24T16:19:00.004-04:00

I went shopping again last night at 12 Oaks. I damn near orgasmed when I saw that they have a White House Black Market and BCBG in the mall now. Not that I can exactly afford their clothes (WHBM I buy stuff on their sales rack and since I’m in their Little Black Book, I get 5% off and I use coupons…and BCBG gets bought on eBay…) I still LOVE looking at their stuff. I didn’t have a whole lot of time to do anything, so I’ll probably go back tomorrow or Monday to look around some more. I’ve been dressing myself a LOT better. I hid my beloved hoodies and sweatshirts in the closet in the spare bedroom; I went though and got rid of anything that has any type of hole, stain, or snag. If I hadn’t wore it in the last 6 months, it got pulled out of the closet.

I’m at the point where I’m making rules for myself.

1. No graphic T's. No plain T's. No T-shirts.

2. No tennis shoes.

3. No sweatshirts. (I’m allowed to go out in public wearing one twice a month.)

4. If it has any holes, snags, or stains, it can’t be worn.

5. I have to wear 2 accessories a day – headband, jewelry, etc

6. Hair and make up have to be done before leaving the house. (I have great hair inspiration from Ringer)

7. I’m only allowed to wear jeans 4 days a week. The other 3 HAVE to be something other than jeans – khakis, leggings, dresses…doesn’t matter.

8. Quit buying clothes at Target.

So far so good. I’m wearing jeans, a white tank top, a navy blue tank top, and my Michigan zip up top (it’s kind of a hoodie, but it’s not a sweatshirt). I’m going to try to keep myself in check by posting photos of whatever I’m going to wear on here…It won’t be daily. I’m not that dedicated to blogging.

Finding Myself and Finding Out...

2011-09-22T16:15:00.002-04:00

I'm proud of myself. I've finally started dealing with pleasant and less than pleasant things I've needed to do.

I looked up transferable credit to Western. I can transfer my photography classes to WMU and use them to get in to the business classes. WMU isn't my first, second, or even third choice of schools, but I can go for a year and transfer once I have the credits to apply to UMICH. I'm doing the tour in October to see the campus and meeting with people in the business and art departments. Dual degree, possibly...

I finally opened the letter from U of M with the results from the Karyotype. I just wasn't ready to know anything about it yet. I now know it wasn't my fault or anything I did or could have prevented. The baby, a girl, Sara, had Triploidy. She had 69 chromosomes instead of 46. There hasn't been a day that has passed that I haven't thought about my pregnancy. I would be almost 27 weeks – 3^rd trimester. How completely crazy. Someone who went through a miscarriage a couple years ago told me that it doesn’t really get easier. She has a child, but said she thinks about her unborn one daily. That it wasn’t when her living child was born that she became a mother, but when she found out she was pregnant with her unborn one. I can see where she was coming from.

I finally started paying off my debt from the last few months. It's all paid off. Robin paid me over $800 in the last 10 days for working for her. I love working for her. I come and go as I please and I do whatever I want as far as cleaning goes; she does make a few requests here and there. I have over $900 in my checking account now. I have been keeping an eye on airfare to the Virgin Islands. I bought my ticket for $168.71! Round trip! I'm going in October for 4 days. I'm deciding between hotels at the moment.

I’ve been a hermit lately. I’m no longer talking to Shane or Crystal and they were really the only two I would hang out with. Last night after I got done cleaning, I went over to Kris’s house, he and his roommates were having a party and my dad has been on my ass about getting out of the house because “sitting around only makes depression worse”. Um, I’m actually doing great with my depression. I haven’t been on the pills in over a month and I’m doing okay.

Ugh. I'm getting fat!

2011-09-20T11:57:00.002-04:00

So I got my fat ass on the scale this morning. Yeah...I gained 15 pounds since I moved back into my dads house in July. It's been 2 months. UGH!! So...I went shopping for clothes today. I got a whole lot of cute things, regardless of my getting fat.

I got this from PacSun

Those are both from Hollister. It's been years since I bought anything from there!

New jeans! I only buy jeans from American Eagle...but instead of my usual cut, I bought these. They're straight...and they fit inside my boots :)

I wear tank tops under everything. I found this on the clearance rack at Aeropostale for $3...

The Limited. I love the color.

I also bought a black tank top and a long sleeve top from Forever 21, but they don't have them for sale online.

Anyhow...I'm watching what I eat and I went for a run on the trail. I hope to it comes off as easily as it went on. I'm making some changes to the rest of me...I'm cutting my hair, adding highlights, and I'm more than likely getting my nose pierced.

America's Roller Coast

2011-09-18T15:26:00.003-04:00

I'm writing this from slightly sunny and decently warm Cleveland. I drove out here from home on Friday to see Adrian. We hung out in his apartment, which, I love the lay out of, and went to dinner down the road for sushi. Since he lives in downtown Cleveland, we walked. After dinner we came back and relaxed. Well...at 2 am I finally decided it was time to go to bed. Screw it. No details... I had sex with him. Um...yeah. Not in any of my plans. Not to mention, it wasn't good and I still hurt from it...

Saturday was Cedar Point. Yay for amusement parks! I finally got on Top Thrill Dragster. It wasn't scary, but the taking off was crazy! We rode all the big coasters except Mantis - because that ride always hurts me. So we got off the Magnum and I realized I had lost my car key. A bunch of swear words started flying out of my mouth. So Adrian and I walk up to the Lost and Found which is in the Cedar Point Police office and there they were. We left and went to Dairy Queen to get lunch and came back and ended up staying until they closed. We got back to his place around 230 and I just passed out.

My 1 photo that I took the whole trip. I'm a horrible photographer.

I woke up this morning at 1030 and let Adrian sleep. He finally got up at 1. I feel drunk. Dehydration I guess. I'm showered and packed, so I'm gonna go hop in my car and drive home...and I may or may not have enough gas to get home... Here's to hoping...

Wow, the fire is really hot.

2011-09-05T23:22:00.005-04:00

I don't think I've ever been so in demand as I was this weekend.

Saturday night I went over to Kris's place. Him and his roommates were having a party. I only had 1 beer and ended up getting drunk on it. In all fairness, it was an IPA... Well at about 4 am I started going on about how I was hungry. A couple other people started in on the same thing. 2 of the roommates work at La Vita Bistro here in Pinckney. Well, they managed to make Chicken Cordon Bleu... yeah, at 4 am.

Sunday, I was supposed to go over to Kori's and take photos of her kids. I woke up with a massive headache - not a hangover - and cancelled on her. Robin ended up calling me and begging me to come over. Her daughter was coming to town and bringing a guy home with her. She had me there for almost 6 hours. I thought it was going to be an hour or two, that's the only reason I agreed to it.

Today, I finally got over to Kori's. I brought an apple crisp with me from my dad for her. She had it gone about an hour ago. I took the photos, hung out with her for a while and came back home. I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go to bed and pass out for as long as I can.